Chris Sims of ComicsAlliance wrote about what he considers to be the 10 most disturbing Pokedex Entries.
For a game made for children about adorable monsters, there’s a lot of really disturbing stuff in Pokemon.
Okay, okay, admittedly: It’s a game made for children about adorable monsters who are sent out to fight each other for the enjoyment of their owners like gladiators battling at the pleasure of a ten year-old Caligula.
But it’s one thing to have Mewtwo listed as being the product of “years of horrific gene splicing” (Pokemon Red), and quite another to have multiple creatures whose sole purpose is to drag children kicking and screaming through the gates of Hell, and that’s not an exaggeration.
“It nests at the edge of sharp cliffs. It spends all day carrying food to its awaiting chicks.”
Again, nothing weird about that, until you start thinking about the fact that you just stumbled across an animal that was carrying food for its hungry children and either beat it senseless, or beat it senseless and then stuffed it in a tennis ball. Congratulations, kid! You wanted to beat Brock, so now there’s a nest of baby Delibirds out there that are going to starve to death in the cold wondering where their mother is.
Speaking of cute things that come bundled with heartbreaking tragedy, we have Spoink, who appears to have been scientifically designed to have an Adorability Index of over 3,000 kilobuttons. Which of course means that it must be in constant mortal peril:
“Spoink bounces around on its tail. The shock of its bouncing makes its heart pump. As a result, this Pok√©mon cannot afford to stop bouncing – if it stops, its heart will stop.”
We’ve mentioned this one before here at ComicsAlliance, but holy crap, that is grim. It’s even worse if you take into account that the object of the game is to battle these things until they faint, and unless it can bounce after getting blown into unconsciousness by a water cannon growing out of a giant turtle, every single battle ends with you straight up murdering it. It’s a wonder Officer Jenny doesn’t haul you off to be tried as an adult on sight.
Anyway, I’ve often thought that living in the world must be some kind of constant existential nightmare where virtually every single thing around you might actually be a sentient being that could hold a grudge, and while it’s one of the more fun designs– it’s the middle entrant in a series that sees a candle evolve into a lamp that then evolves into a chandelier — Lampet is pretty much the embodiment of that weirdness.
Except that it also wants to eat your soul.
“This ominous Pok√©mon is feared. Through cities it wanders, searching for the spirits of the fallen. It arrives near the moment of death and steals spirit from the body.”
On the bright side, this will no doubt cause a reduction in energy costs, as children will be too scared to leave the lights on for a change.
Read More: ComicsAlliance