in Articles, URPG, Video Games by Dragoness

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What’s that you are wearing, Cubone? It’s lovely. So in style. Hmm? Ohhhh…it’s the skull of your deceased mother. Gotcha. Oh you, Snubbull? You and your harem look wonderful today.

Keep reading and I’ll blow your mind. Or at least make it twitch.

#10: Snubbull
Snubbull

It has an active, playful nature. Many women like to frolic with it because of its affectionate nature. (Soul Silver)

 

Perhaps it is just me. When I hear “women” and “frolic” in the same sentence, I don’t think of Snubbull. Everyone knows though, cute little animal-like things got game.
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#9: Haunter
Haunter

By licking, it saps the victim’s life. It causes shaking that won’t stop until the victim’s demise. (Yellow & Silver; bolding by Dragoness)

 

So, it spreads its saliva all over you like a carefree bulldog. As if that weren’t enough, it then causes you to die by violent convulsions. But otherwise, it’s a wonderful pet.
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#8: Gengar
Genger

To steal the life force of its target, it slips into the prey’s shadows and silently waits for an opportunity. (Silver & Soul Silver )

 

I applaud the creativity of Pokemon’s creators. However, I question the whole stalker-murderer thing going on. Though I know what to get Genger for his next birthday–a stealthy cape and a ninja outfit.
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#7: Drifloom
Drifloom

It is whispered that any child who mistakes Drifloom for a balloon and holds onto it could wind up missing. (Heart Gold & Soul Silver)

 

That is the English version of Heart Gold and Soul Silver’s Pok√©dex entries. Little weird, but not overtly so, right? Well, the Japanese version is a little different. Substitute “wind up missing” with “be taken to the world of the dead.” and think about it.

World of the dead.

So, it takes little kids to the underworld by posing as an innocent and attractive object. Reminds me of Stephen King’s It–except without his signature chills ‘n thrills + blatant violence. (When I think of psycho clowns though, I will always first think of Mr. Mime–who has sadly not made the list because his Pok√©dex entries are surprisingly bland).
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#6: Koffing
Koffing

Because it stores several kinds of toxic gases in its body, it is prone to exploding without warning. (Red & Blue)

 

It’s a poisonous creature that can explode and take who knows how many innocents with it. It even looks like its constantly leaking poison. Dangerous, certainly. I’m sure it would make an awesome Pokemon buddy if it didn’t have a chance of exploding on you at any given time.
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#5: Frosslass
Frosslass

It freezes prey by blowing its -58 degree F° degrees breath. It is said to then secretly display its prey. (Platinum)

 

“Frosslass, darling! I love what you’ve done to the place. What life like ice statues! Wha–what? Alive?! Oh, okay. Well, time for me to be on my wa–woah! Frosslass, dear, what are you doin–”
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#4: Drowzee
Drowzee

It remembers every dream it eats. It rarely eats the dreams of adults because children’s dreams are much tastier. (Silver)

 

One, two, Drowzee is coming for you…
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#3: Banette
Banette

Banette generates energy for laying strong curses by sticking pins into its own body. This Pokemon was originally a pitiful plushie doll that was thrown away. (Ruby; Emerald, Sapphire, Fire Red and Leaf Green have some interesting Pokédex entries on Banette too)

 

A possessed toy and voodoo–can anyone say Chucky? Or Bride of Chucky?
Honestly, I wouldn’t want to be the child that threw away the plushie now known as Banette. Would you?
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#2: Cubone
Cubone

Wears the skull of its deceased mother. Its cries echo inside the skull and come out as a sad melody. (Yellow)

 

I suppose the skull acts a kind of guitar/banjo/cymbals, turning Cubone into an angsty musician. Also, I nominate Cubone for roles in Psycho, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and any upcoming Stephen King novels.
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#1: Husnain

???

 

The number one weirdest Pok√©dex entry belongs to…Husnain. Because what is weirder than not having a Pok√©dex entry?

For those who are unaware, the URPG’s 2011 Census named Husnain as the most popular Pokemon. But he’s mysteriously vanished off of all official records. The URPG officials don’t want me to release this info, but I know for a fact that Husnain is in the WPP (Witness Protection Program).

I also know that–hold it! There are cars outside. *peers through curtains*

Curse it! The URPG mods are onto me! I must run before they…

The article is mysteriously unfinished.


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