View Full Version : Funny Jokes?

04-23-2011, 02:56 PM
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first muffin says, "Boy, it sure is hot in here." The second muffin replies,"HOLY CRAP, A TALKING MUFFIN!"


Teddiursa of the Sky
04-23-2011, 11:17 PM
A lawyer had taken the week off and went hunting in Kentucky. He had been hunting ducks for several hours, and had now finally hit one. The duck fell out from the forest he had shot it in. So, after a twenty minute trek, he found himself nearing a farmers property. The lawyer approached the house, muttering to himself, "Aw, crap. A yocal."

He knocked on the door, no answer. As he was about to go out into the field himself to retrieve the duck, a farmer hopped off a tractor and greeted him the way a southerner greets, "Howdy, nah get awff mah proparty!"

"Excuse me good sir, all I want to do his get a duck I had hunted."

"It fell all the way out here?" asked the farmer.

The lawyer then explained the situation, "Now listen, and listen good you stupid idiot, I shot a bird and it fell on your field. I have the right and law to have the duck I just shot."

The southern farmer was a little upset at being called an idiot.

"Well, what are you just standing around for, Cletus?" asked the lawyer in a snobbish tone.

"My name is not Cletus, it is Bartholomew," replied the farmer, "Tell you what."


"Down here in the south, we play a game. We kick each other in the place where it hurts until the other one gives in. The victor gets the duck."

"Okay," hesitated the lawyer.

"Well, since I am on my home turf, I get to kick first," said the farmer. The farmer backed up and got a running start and hit the man in between the legs. The lawyer shrieked and fell on his knees. After a moment of healing, he stood up and said eagerly.

"My turn, fool."

"Nah, never mind, I'll just go get the duck."

04-24-2011, 12:54 AM
What do you call a dog that keeps time?


Chromatic Alchemist
04-25-2011, 12:16 AM
This thread is ROFLCOPTOR. ;D
_ _ _ _ _

Three guys arrive at the pearly gates of heaven at around the same time. St. Peter asks the first man to explain how he died.

The first guys says, "Well, I came home from work early one day, and my wife was in the bedroom putting on her clothes, and I say a cigar burning in the ashtray. I don't smoke cigars, so I looked out the window and saw a guy running out of the building and frantically trying to hail a cab. I was so enraged, I dragged my refrigerator from the kitchen and pushed it out the window so it would crush him. I guess the stress of that moment, and the strain of lifting the refrigerator, gave me a heart attack."

St. Peter nods and allows the man to enter heaven. Then he asks the second man how he died.

The second guys says, "I was late for an afternoon meeting, and when I ran out of my apartment building, a refrigerator fell on me."

St. Peter nods and allows the man to enter heaven. Then he asks the third man to explain how he died.

"Well, it's a funny coincidence, really," he says. "I was completely naked and hiding inside this refrigerator..."

04-25-2011, 09:48 PM
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

...Oh, funny jokes.

A man walked into a post office to find a man with one hundred Valentine's cards. As he watched, the man signed each card with a question mark and placed it into an envelope, wrote out a different address, marked it with a stamp and placed it in the post box. Confused by this, the first man asked the second why he was sending so many. The second man replied, "I'm a divorce lawyer."

04-26-2011, 12:28 AM
What did Batman say to Robin?

"Get in my car, Robin."

04-26-2011, 08:30 PM
What is the hardest thing about sky diving?

The ground.

04-27-2011, 05:47 AM
What did Batman say to Robin?

"Get in my car, Robin."

I laughed for a minute or two there.

04-28-2011, 06:59 PM
Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear.

One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.

"Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!"

"Not now! I'm eating."

"Oh come on!" said the rabbit. "It's really important."

"No way."

"Please. It's urgent."

So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.

"Well, rabbit," he panted. "What did you want to tell me?"

"Hey, Teddy," the rabbit began, "look how many berries are on the other side of the river."

Teddiursa of the Sky
05-10-2011, 05:25 PM
Playstation Network.

05-11-2011, 01:08 AM

05-12-2011, 08:56 PM
7 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.

06-08-2011, 12:38 AM
"There are 10 types of people in the world. The ones that under stand binary, and the ones that don't."


A blond and a brunette are walking in a forest. The blond has to pee REALLY bad, so she walks over to some bushes. The brunette thinks it would be funny to play a prank on her, so she places some squirrel guts where the blond is peeing. The blond returns and says to the brunette, "You'll never guess what just happened to me! I peed so hard that my guts came out!" The brunette said, "Wow! What did you do?!" The blond replies, "With these two fingers and the power of God, I shoved them right back up!"

Chromatic Alchemist
06-08-2011, 12:42 AM
Women's Rights.

06-08-2011, 12:46 AM


06-08-2011, 01:21 AM
I got a really funny one guys.
You gotta listen to me really closely.

The Clippers

Cycling Road
06-08-2011, 07:34 AM
What's red and YELLOW all over? Pikachu.