The Review Roundup w/Redlark

[Redlark]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v723/hamsterball/electrician.jpgWelcome to Redlark's Review Roundup!!

So I'm excepting to take on the challenge of reading stories and doing reviews for them.

Here's the Rules:

1. If you'd like your story to be reviewed, just post in this thread with a link to your story.

2. Complete stories are recommended.

3. The Story(ies) that you ask to be reviewed DON'T have to be fully complete, though. But they should be A LEAST longer than a three posts. Unless your whole story is written in one or two posts.

4. Please only request one story at a time. This will allow more people to to have their stories reviewed, instead of a single author's stories reviewed all in a row.

Example:
Andrew's post: I'd like you to review my story, Blah Blah, What-what?
Kim's post: Tears of a Ratatta Review that pleeze.:wink:
Andrew's post: Since i'm not double posting. Can you also do Blah Blah, What-what? 2: a hero returns after "Tears of a Ratatta." Thank you.
etc...

5. Rule #4 changes if I get A LOT of review requests. Then I try to do as many different authors as possible. If review requests are very low, then MAYBE I might do two stories by the same author in the row.

6. Comments on my reviews, how I review, etc. are totally fine to post in this thread.

7. ALL basic rules of the PE2K Forums apply. No spamming, no unneeded language (though sometimes lenient), no crap topics, etc. Just read the Forum rules if you don't know what I mean.

8. I don't mind PM's, but please refrain from "hate mail" if I say something stuped (like mispelling stupid), please and thank you.

9. Stories can be from ANYWHERE on the PE2K forums. They could be from this sub-forum, the "Other Fics" Forum, and they even could be URPG fictions.

10. Poems are not excepted as review submissions. No matter how "good" or "bad" they may be.

11. I highly doubt this happening, due to the time and commitment of writing them, but "Epic Poetry" is excepted.:tongue:

12. Blah, Blah, Blah. Have fun and all that jazz.:cool:

Sooooooooo...

Who would like to have their story reviewed?

[Sceptile Frost]

Now and Forever

Chapter One and Two are up (which add up to four posts)

Its a journey fic, but I plan to add a lot of twists and turns.

You should sticky this.

[Redlark]

Sweetness, my first project. I'll try to get your review in as soon as possible. :wink:

[Seawolf]

Is it possible that you could also review non-Pokemon writings? :x

[Sceptile Frost]

9. Stories can be from ANYWHERE on the PE2K forums. They could be from this sub-forum, the "Other Fics" Forum, and they even could be URPG fictions.



I think that answers it.

[Redlark]

Like how S.Frost said. Yes I can review a non-pokemon story.

Story:
Now and Forever

Major Characters:
Conner, Kyle, Heather, Ash, May

Review:
After reading Now and Forever for the first time, I shuffled around the forums and did my “research.” Comparatively, this story is definitely a step up from Sceptile Frost’s previous works. Major characters are seemingly deeper in some ways, though the interaction between Ash and May was a bit laughable with the kissing. I’m guessing Sceptile’s a big May fan, perhaps? Maybe it’s my own personal bias, because I like Misty better than May.

Conner’s relationship between his father, Kyle, is very believable and from what little there is written of the story, makes me very curious on what may or may not happen between the two of them in the latter parts of the story. They both carry the strong love of father and son, but are beginning to become torn by the feelings of age. Conner is coming to an age where he wants to grow up and “experience” all the inner-workings of life. Kyle, has seen a whole lot of life, and in same feelings with his wife, and doesn’t want Conner to make the wrong decision that could jeopardize the rest of his career.

But what route Conner will really take is what makes me thirsty for more postings of Now and Forever.

An interesting quirk I found with this story was the unconnected scene with Ash. Knowing the anime series and Ash’s adventures, I’m curious on how their journey through the story will come through. How will Ash and Friends aid or conflict Conner? Overall, it’s a fun add-in of famous characters.

A lot of people on this site complain about length. I don’t. I personally believe the more you can say with less (without turning your story cliché or cheesy) is better. The only reason why people complain about length is the amount of content and effort that’s put into a story. If you have no content, you have no story. Luckily, Now and Forever is far from being considered “too short” or “lacking content.”

The situation between Heather and Conner is classic, and I love it to death. If not, Heather seems a bit soft with Conner, but retrospectively I have no problems and find the relationship sweet.

I’m a bit of a sap, so I want to see if Heather and Conner end up together. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. I also love tragedy. The set up explaining the situation was a bit to expository for my likings, but somehow Sceptile pulls it off.

Now, I’ve never been the biggest fan of “journey fics,” so when I come across a “journey fic” I always:

1. Sigh heavily when the Professor asks the new trainer to choose one out of three pokemon.
2. Surprised when: “Oh no, I’m out of pokemon, here’s my secret one.” Lo and behold, it’s a Pikachu!
3. Realize there’s a rival by the name of Gary.

I don’t know where I’ve seen this beginning sequence before, but if fanfic writers begin writing like this in the name of creativity, I’ll throw myself in the river screaming the Declaration of Independence.

BUT!!! When I read Now and Forever, I was pleased/relieved to see and learn that this Journey Fic doesn’t parallel the anime in the beginning. Also, what happens at the end of what’s written really was a neat twist in the story. I’m eager to read more. Keep writing Sceptile Frost, you’ve got some talent and a good story going. Keep it up dude! ;-)

Rating:7.5
I’m a tough rater, so don’t think a 7.5 is bad. It’s very good.

The following tail piece of this review are technical notes that most readers don’t enjoy reading. If you want to skip this part, I totally understand. My rants are exactly that… rants.

Technical (Punctuation/Grammar) Notes:
Pre P.S. There’s a lot written, but really it’s not that much. It’s just a recap of some very minor spelling stuff and a very minor fact note.

I’ll try to push the technical crap out of the way as quick as I can. A few spelling mistakes: almost every single time you try to spell, “thought,” it comes out as “though.” I think the problem is that you’re using a PC with Word or Works. Word and Works has the automatic spell check (which I find annoying as crap, because minor problems come out like ALL the time when I try to type up a word, but find myself misspelling it, but then it comes out as something completely different. Or an imaginary word. I hope this made sense.) Other than that, there’s just a couple small mistakes. I think you just need to print it out and look over it once or twice in a hard copy format with a friend. Not saying it’s the most fun thing in the world to edit, but you know what I mean. If anything, just read it over. ;-)

Dialogue, for some reason or the other, seems a bit shaky in a couple sections, but well done overall. Very good dialogue hard and very different from prose, but just as powerful (if not more powerful in certain situations). I’m not telling you to change anything, because it works how it is right now, but don’t get carried away with too much. You’re doing a good job with though.

(If you do not want a history lesson, you’re free to skip over the following paragraph.)
This is a VERY minor detail. There’s nobility in almost all societies around the world, even Africa to an extent. Look up pre-European Imperial Colonies, Kongo Kingdom, Ethiopia, Gambia, Zulu, etc. Nobility and noble rights come from the older feudal systems that were in place for hundreds of years and such. The upper class that governed the people and had control over the local government and parts of the military. “You pay me taxes, I protect you from jerks that want to invade us.” The power of the noble system in Europe had its major downfall in the 16-1700’s with the advent of Absolutism. Then a small comback in the 1800’s with “smart” nobles taking advantage of the Industrial revolution and using the money they had left to good use. Japan does have nobility, of course they’re nowhere near as powerful as they were before the Meiji Dynasty/ Industrial Revolution of the 1800’s, but they’re still sort of there. Similar to what happened in Europe; either the nobility was smart and maintained their power by using the money they already had to good use, joined the mafia underground, or either that slowly lost their power. Now culturally, the nobility is very different from European nobility. Japan tends to be closer linked with the Samurai Chivalry, Etc. My basis of knowing this is that I’m half Japanese with a lot of noble crap in my blood, and I’ve done research with my parents etc. blah, blah, blah……

But yes, you are correct. The traditions of nobility is very different with England, making them Very different from the rest of the world.
(I’m sorry for ranting on that, but there’s background information that supports all these claims.)

ANYWAY!!! If you somebody’s made it to this point of my review, you really have some balls. Now take a break from my crap and make a sandwich or something.

[Dragonfree]

Could you review what is up of The Quest for the Legends version IALCOTN so far? The link is in my sig. Thanks in advance.

[Hikari Blaze]

When Altarias Get Hyper (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15388)

Genre: Humor/Action/Adventure/Insanity/Parody
Rated: PG with mild language.
Summary: Taria accidently ate too much sugar and gets a bad case of sugar rush. Now, it's up to Blaze, Kip, and the rest of the team to stop her before she destroys Kanto! Insanity fic!

I'd appreciate review. Gonna edit it...

[Saffire Persian]

I'd be appreciative if you could review:

The Ties that Bind (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16435)

It's an Original Trainer One-shot that's complete. ^_^ I'd be happy for whatever critique I could get.

[Sceptile Frost]

Major characters are seemingly deeper in some ways, though the interaction between Ash and May was a bit laughable with the kissing. I’m guessing Sceptile’s a big May fan, perhaps? Maybe it’s my own personal bias, because I like Misty better than May.
Guilty as charged


But what route Conner will really take is what makes me thirsty for more postings of Now and Forever.

An interesting quirk I found with this story was the unconnected scene with Ash. Knowing the anime series and Ash’s adventures, I’m curious on how their journey through the story will come through. How will Ash and Friends aid or conflict Conner? Overall, it’s a fun add-in of famous characters.
You'll find out in chapter 3


Now, I’ve never been the biggest fan of “journey fics,” so when I come across a “journey fic” I always:

1. Sigh heavily when the Professor asks the new trainer to choose one out of three pokemon.
2. Surprised when: “Oh no, I’m out of pokemon, here’s my secret one.” Lo and behold, it’s a Pikachu!
3. Realize there’s a rival by the name of Gary.

I don’t know where I’ve seen this beginning sequence before, but if fanfic writers begin writing like this in the name of creativity, I’ll throw myself in the river screaming the Declaration of Independence.

BUT!!! When I read Now and Forever, I was pleased/relieved to see and learn that this Journey Fic doesn’t parallel the anime in the beginning. Also, what happens at the end of what’s written really was a neat twist in the story. I’m eager to read more. Keep writing Sceptile Frost, you’ve got some talent and a good story going. Keep it up dude! ;-) I really tried to not make it cliche.


I’ll try to push the technical crap out of the way as quick as I can. A few spelling mistakes: almost every single time you try to spell, “thought,” it comes out as “though.” I think the problem is that you’re using a PC with Word or Works. Yeah, I have problems with "thought" and "though"



(If you do not want a history lesson, you’re free to skip over the following paragraph.)
This is a VERY minor detail. There’s nobility in almost all societies around the world, even Africa to an extent. Look up pre-European Imperial Colonies, Kongo Kingdom, Ethiopia, Gambia, Zulu, etc. Nobility and noble rights come from the older feudal systems that were in place for hundreds of years and such. The upper class that governed the people and had control over the local government and parts of the military. “You pay me taxes, I protect you from jerks that want to invade us.” The power of the noble system in Europe had its major downfall in the 16-1700’s with the advent of Absolutism. Then a small comback in the 1800’s with “smart” nobles taking advantage of the Industrial revolution and using the money they had left to good use. Japan does have nobility, of course they’re nowhere near as powerful as they were before the Meiji Dynasty/ Industrial Revolution of the 1800’s, but they’re still sort of there. Similar to what happened in Europe; either the nobility was smart and maintained their power by using the money they already had to good use, joined the mafia underground, or either that slowly lost their power. Now culturally, the nobility is very different from European nobility. Japan tends to be closer linked with the Samurai Chivalry, Etc. My basis of knowing this is that I’m half Japanese with a lot of noble crap in my blood, and I’ve done research with my parents etc. blah, blah, blah……

But yes, you are correct. The traditions of nobility is very different with England, making them Very different from the rest of the world.
(I’m sorry for ranting on that, but there’s background information that supports all these claims.)



Yeah, I'm sorta' referring to the present-day of the fic.

Thanks for the review. I agree. If you compare the first version of NF I posted here to the 2nd, its really improved.

[Redlark]

Okay, sweetness :wink:
I'll be right on it Dragonfree, Hikari Blaze, and Saphire Persion. I'm excited to read your work.

Oh, and thanks for the review feedback Sceptile.

[Redlark]

Story:
The Quest for Legends

Characters:
Mark, Mom, Dad, Mrs. Grodski, Charmander, Mr. Flintlake, and Eevee. There was also, the Mystery Pokemon.

Review:
The story takes place in a completely different area called Ouen, northwest Ouen to be exact. Northwest Ouen, and the city of Sailance, have an odd effect on Pokemon, making it almost devoid of any Pokelife. Any pokemon in the area find themselves becoming very weak to the point of sleeping all day. Very little is said about it, except for being “mysterious” and Dragonfree only shows the effects Northwest Ouen has. Causing the reader to barely even understand what the secret behind that area really is. I’m being redundant, but I really like the concept. I wont take the idea from Dragonfree, but if I lacked morals, I would.:shifty:

The prologue, all I’ve got to say is, ‘dang girl.’ The only problem is, and I don’t even think it’s a problem at all (since it got me to read to the end without stopping for food and such); The prologue is cryptic as heck, but it works. Throughout the story, the thought and image of the prologue is engraved in my mind because it contrasts the rest of the story so much. Also, I found myself reading through the story trying, then skimming through it a couple times, to figure out what the heck happened in the prologue. I looked for foreshadows or anything that popped up with the story: Mark doodling a Lugia and/or the quick mention of the “Color Dragons.”

Now I spend so much time mentioning the prologue, because of one thing: Dragonfree did a very-very good job at grabbing me by the collar and saying, “Here’s the conflict, Fool!” The prologue’s a disturbing image to think about, but the major conflict of the story itself is shown right off the bat. Being a dramatic writer at heart, I love the plot device used to death--It seems to be following a Sci-Fi or Horror diagram. Either way, I want to see what happens to Mark and what connection he has with the Prologue. (*tech note #1)

Mark, the main character of the story finds himself struggling with with Battling Class, because he lacks the motivation to even try hard at his homework and such. His parents don't want him to go on a Pokemon Journey, so Mark believes he wont. That's up until he see's a fainted Charmander lying in the middle of the street during a rainstorm.

Taking in the Charmander, Mark's motivation comes back and he finds himself actually studying for Battle Class.

The "extras" in the story, mostly 3 and 4, got a little bit slow. They're not necessary, but add so much depth if you read them through. (*tech note #2)

There seems to be a lot of twists and turns coming. Honestly, this is the beginning of an awesome story. I want to read more. Very adventure and plot based.

A fun idea that came up was “Pokemon Speech.” In some ways, this gives Mark an edge as a Pokemon trainer, because he's really good at understanding the Pokemon languages. The dialogue with the Eevee should be very interesting.

If it seems like I'm leaving a lot of things out, I am. I don't want to give away the story, because there's too much to say and just reading it is quite exciting.

Bringing everything I read together; the thing that keeps me reading is the huge epic style plot that seems to be taking place. I’m very eager to read more, and I’m on my toes trying to figure out what’s going to happen. There's also a lot of neat ideas Dragonfree keeps on coming up with. Please keep writing, Dragonfree.

Rating: 8.4
Very Creative. You’ve gained a reader.:knockout:

Technical Notes for Dragonfree:
1. The only problem I have with the prologue is that, you really could’ve elaborated a bit more. Not saying you should get rid of the mystery by explaining what happened in detail. But you could’ve showed more action, maybe more description of the gory battle that had just taken place, etc. But then again; the shortness keeps it a quick sting to the reader’s mind. A little more gory details wouldn’t of hurt though.

2. Like you said about “extras,” they’re really not necessary to the story at all. It’s just a cheap excuse to interject background information without having to interweave it into the story somehow. Even then, a reader would probably still enjoy the story just as much without the “extras.” I’m not saying take out the Extras, but I am saying, they’re really not that necessary. They only seem to add girth to what the reader is forced to read. BUT, having the extras does show how deeply thought out your story is. Also, doing my “research” on You the author (profile and crap), I’m impressed.

Overall; the “extras” are like footnotes in a novel, not a lot of people like reading them, and at most costs you should try to avoid them. But in the end the reader learns so much more about the story’s world by having them there. Which in the long run, the reader is more satisfied with the story, because you give them the feeling that they’ve just learned about some deep complicated world, making them feel smart (which is a very good thing to do). Not saying your readers are idiots, but making them feel gratified and giving them something nice to walk away with is always good.

I should mention though, you should try to avoid “extras” when you reach a climactic moment, it’ll divert the readers attention from the actual story itself. Making really awesome scenes and chapters less impressive, because you just now flashed a crap load of backstory into the readers face. It’s like what Charles Dickens or Victor Hugo does; you explain soooooo much and soooooo long on history and description that most modern readers says to themselves, “What the hell was I reading again? Oh yeah, it’s a story, not a text book.”

Other Notes: Grammar issues were at a minimum, which is always nice; and style issues weren’t that major. All I say is that you should probably watch out for the “flow” of the story. It seemed a little bit jumpy with the Eevee sequence. I didn’t get confused, but I’m sure for somebody that’s not used the writing technique, might get confused.

And, about “story flow;” just keep in mind to not drag. Not saying it really dragged in the story, but it seems like there might be the small possibility of dragging later on.

Very creative story, I was happy to read it.

[Dragonfree]

1. The only problem I have with the prologue is that, you really could’ve elaborated a bit more. Not saying you should get rid of the mystery by explaining what happened in detail. But you could’ve showed more action, maybe more description of the gory battle that had just taken place, etc. But then again; the shortness keeps it a quick sting to the reader’s mind. A little more gory details wouldn’t of hurt though.
I think they would have, actually. If I added an action scene to the prologue, it would either make the scene that's currently in it seem out of place or at least draw the attention from it too much for my liking. The details of that scene are more important than you think. Aside from that, it would kill the mystery of what exactly happened there, which is also important.

The extras are not supposed to be something you're "forced to read" at all - in fact, if an extra is actually interesting enough to stand on its own, I post it separately as a one-shot. Heard of J.K. Rowling's "Quidditch Through the Ages" and "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them"? Well, think of the extras as that kind of thing. They're not something you have to read and don't contain any important information that you can't access otherwise. They're just fun things to read if you're curious about how people can teach Pokémon speech in chapter 3, or about where exactly the "never catch an unconscious Pokémon" rule comes from. Just to make that clear, there are NOT many extras in this fic. The next extra will most likely be after chapter 7, and then (unless I add in an extra that wasn't there in the revision before this one) there is just one for chapter 27. So basically, they're not exactly disturbing your reading after every other chapter. They're just a sort of "by the way, if you're curious about that..." thing - entirely optional to read, but as you said, they add some more depth if you do read them.

And, about “story flow;” just keep in mind to not drag. Not saying it really dragged in the story, but it seems like there might be the small possibility of dragging later on.
Oh, this story is generally fast-paced, so don't worry about that. It takes a bit long for the details of what was going on on the prologue to be revealed, but there should be plenty of stuff to keep you occupied until then.

Thanks a lot for the review. :)

[Redlark]

The extras are not supposed to be something you're "forced to read" at all - in fact, if an extra is actually interesting enough to stand on its own, I post it separately as a one-shot. Heard of J.K. Rowling's "Quidditch Through the Ages" and "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them"? Well, think of the extras as that kind of thing. They're not something you have to read and don't contain any important information that you can't access otherwise. They're just fun things to read if you're curious about how people can teach Pokémon speech in chapter 3, or about where exactly the "never catch an unconscious Pokémon" rule comes from. Just to make that clear, there are NOT many extras in this fic. The next extra will most likely be after chapter 7, and then (unless I add in an extra that wasn't there in the revision before this one) there is just one for chapter 27. So basically, they're not exactly disturbing your reading after every other chapter. They're just a sort of "by the way, if you're curious about that..." thing - entirely optional to read, but as you said, they add some more depth if you do read them.

I see, that's cool. I might do that in a later story of my own.

[Redlark]

I'm not sure how, but I really got into this review. The tech notes are important. They show my version of an in-depth analysis of comedic style, lol.

Title:
When Altarias Get Hyper

Review:
First and foremost, I should applaud Hikari Blaze and say, “I thought HKim was the only one here one crack.” Just kidding, Harry. But, wow… Dang… I’m at a standstill of opinions here… I laughed, but then again; I found myself asking, “What the heck am I reading?”

I have to admit, the Flashback and the beginning of Chapter 2 was pretty dang funny. Taria going on rampage was good, and Blaze freaking out in the Flashback was wacked out. The Caps Lock was a bit tiring, though, haha.

Hmm… It’s very hard for me to even take this review seriously. I honestly loved reading this story, though. And I only recommend others reading it if they’re in the mood for an “Off the Wall” comedy.

Now, unlike a lot of my reviews. I recommend more than Hikari Blaze to read the technical notes. The reason is, this type of “super zany” story is probably one of the hardest styles to write. It’s weird, but I’ll explain why.

But overall, I sort of like this fanfic. I know for sure, it’s definitely not everybody’s cup of tea. Some of you may even be like, “this is the worst crap I’ve ever read.” But if you’re in the mood for something random; or tired/depressed and need a good random laugh to bring you back into reality, or just want to pee your pants with something totally wacky. Read this story.

Rating: 6.8
You’re an insane cookie Hikari Blaze; but I’m looking forward to the rest of your story.

Technical Notes for Hikari Blaze:
The only true “editing” thing I really recommend is that you go look over it once or twice for some minor grammar things, but don’t elaborate too much on description. But do describe funny things, just not scenes and areas. With this kind of comedy style, you really have to keep things rolling FAST.

Now structurally, I recommend that you find a conclusion to the story pretty soon. You don’t have to, but knowing the comedy style, I recommend it. I say this, not as an insult in any way; but I say it as a tech note on structure. It’s VERY hard to keep this type of comedy going for too long. The reason is, you can only explode so many bombs in your reader’s face without tiring them out. Which also means; it’s very hard to get funnier and funnier, crazier and crazier, without killing your readers. Of course, this isn’t always ture, as in the case of Conan O’Brian. Conan tends to beat a dead horse so long, that it just gets outright freaking hilarious. Which is deceivingly harder to do than it looks.

Also, this type of comedy usually sort of follows the “Dramatic Comedy” structure.

The “Dramatic Comedy” structure goes from bottom to top in a line graph. Sad to happy, over time. Normal to happy, over time. In Classical context; all the characters are lonely; but in the end, they find husbands and wives. I mention this structure, because a “zany/crazy” comedy follows this almost methodically.

I’m sure you already have an idea of what you want to do, and already have an idea of what is right unknowingly, but here’s the thing. To make the following parts and the end of this story to be super hilarious, is to make it funnier than it already is. It’s the stand-up comedy idea of set up and punch line. If you’ve already had something super funny, get funnier. Pull something out to the readers that they didn’t expect to see coming. Don’t elaborate too much on details (you already have a good idea of this, I think), details will only slow the story down.

A good example of accidental slow down in a zany comedy is in my story, “Pika Pika Picnic (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15850).” In the third post, I’ve gotten comments that it’s not as funny as the first two. The reason is, I’ve started to elaborate too much on the story. And, the story itself has gotten so crazy and random, it’s almost an impossibility to get crazier without making your readers brains go numb, or sacrificing comedy for plot. BUT, the reason I sacrificed comedy for plot in “Pika Pika Picnic” is because the fourth and final post is (hopefully) funnier and more random than the first three combined. Also bringing the story to an end with a huge punch the readers never expected.

The slow third post also creates a small down time for the readers; they’ve gained back their breaths from laughing so hard that when the super funny thing hits, they wont be tired from laughing hysterically to the end.

One other important thing about this type of comedic style of writing is that, endings and conclusions shouldn’t be elaborate at all. If you linger too much in the end, the climax (punch line) loses it’s it’s “umpf” with too many details of what happened to the characters in the end. Really and ending of this story should just be something short and sweet. Maybe even along the lines of “Andy Griffith.”

“Oh that silly goose.” Everybody laughs.

I guess after all this boring rambling, what I’m trying to say is. You’ve got get crazier to finally smack the readers in the head with that climax two-by-four.

Here’s the graph.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v723/hamsterball/WhenAltariasGetHyperGraph.jpg

As a side note: some of you may know this graph. The inverse, happy to sad. Is the “Dramatic Tragedy.” I take this drama theory straight out of Shakespeare and Aristotle.

But whatever… I enjoyed your story, no matter how insane it became. It was entertaining.

[Redlark]

I should add - I hope I didn't lose anybody with my large rant on that last one.

I'm double posting, oh woe is me.

[Hikari Blaze]

^ You just triple posted now. ^^;; You should edit you post for that post. The one above this.

I'll be sure to watch out for the grammer mistakes. Thanks for reviewing anyway.

[Redlark]

Oh ack! Sorry Saffire Persian, I've been busy with College/life/reality (no need to explain details, this ain't no live journal) But anyway - I should have your review up within the next few days. By the looks of your fic, I'm excited to read it.:cool:

But later, i've had too much energy drink and my mind isn't competant!!

Here's a "graph":

:neutral: --> :confused: --> :eh: --> :happy: --> :wink: --> :biggrin: --> :dazed: --> :crackup: --> :eek: --> :dance:

I'll stop now, my smilies are only here to peev.:oops:

P.S. H.Blaze, Oops lol. I didn't realize that, my comp freaked when i posted that, and i wasn't sure if i was able to post that one, so i hit the button again. I'm too lazy to fix that, so yeah.

[Saffire Persian]

Oh ack! Sorry Saffire Persian, I've been busy with College/life/reality (no need to explain details, this ain't no live journal) But anyway - I should have your review up within the next few days. By the looks of your fic, I'm excited to read it.

But later, i've had too much energy drink and my mind isn't competant!!

No problem at all! I don't mind waiting in the least, you give good reviews (and you do it quite fairly. I like your style). So it's definitely worth the wait.

[Hikari Blaze]

I'll be posting another one of my stories if I work on the second chapter for it...

Fusion Fantasies
PG-13; Action/Adventure/Supernatural/Fantasy/Romance(?)
A girl who seeks revenge on Cipher. A boy cursed by the spirit of an unusual Mightyena. Cipher's back and when the path of these two cross, they'll do anything to stop Cipher. For themselves and the region of Zondia. Rated for violence and language.
Characters: Kana; Hiroto; and the mysterious Mightyena spirit.
Current Chapters:
Chapter 1: Night of Dreams and Rebirth
Next Chapter in Progress -

Chapter 2: Battle of the White Fox and the Red Wolf

[GodsChild7]

Can you review my fan fic: Pokemon Journey: The Seven Stars (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16783)

Thank you.

[Redlark]

I’m very sorry for replying so late. So much brown stuff has hit the fan personally. I guess it’s easy to say my excuse, “Life Happens,” but it does. If anybody wants a quick synopsis of my personal life, send me a PM.

Title:
The Ties that Bind

Review:
There’s very few things that strike emotion when I read. I could almost rank “The Ties that Bind” with Steinbeck or Camus. The Psychological girth throughout this story is phenomenal compared to almost any other Pokemon story I’ve read. Sadness, emotion, etc. was well written.

I’m being vague, but I don’t want to give any spoilers to this story away. It’s just that good. It’s also one of those stories that a reader has to read all the way through, non-stop. Eitherway, you probably wont find yourself wanting to stop.

Description in the fight against the champion was well thought, the use of second person throughout the story was impressive, and character development was deep.

The main character is written out to be the reader. In some cases this could be a problem during writing; because if one moment doesn’t connect with the reader emotionally or mentally; if anything seems to disconnect the reader from the story--the strength of the work is in jeopardy of being greatly diminished. In, “The Ties that Bind,” this didn’t happen. I was impressed.

The emotion wasn’t overdone to be cheap, super-romantic, or sappy (some may say “goth” or “emo”). Though the ending flashback memories seemed to draw out a bit, and the ending also seemed to be borderline cheese. *(Tech Note #1)

It’s hard to find faults in this story, because it barely has any. Any grammar crap that anybody could find was non-existent.

If anything to anybody that is reading this review and wants to read some well written FanFiction, that speaks to the heart about one of the hardest experiences that EVERYBODY experiences (Let it be Friends, Family, or Self). I tell you to read, “The Ties that Bind.”

Rating: 9.1
Awesome Fiction SP, keep up the stories. I want to read more of your material. This is possibly one of my favorite FanFics.

Technical Notes SP:
Again, I’ll note the usage of second person was very well done. Second person tends to be a little rough to plan out, and sometimes rougher to write. Like I said, when you write in second person, you have to connect to the reader. I’m sure you already know this, though, so I’m rambling nonsense if go on any further.

Description was precise and to the point. Everything in this story structurally was potent.

Keep up the writing, and don’t let my praise go to your head. The last thing I want to see is a good writer go bust because of a big head. I love your writing, though. I really really want to see more of your material.

1. The ending seemed a little bit overdone in some ways. I think it had to do with explaining every single “moment” of the Charizard’s life. It’s like beating the horse when the race had already been won. You’ve already met the purpose of your writing and you’ve already established the resolution for accepting the loss. But then again; messing around with the ending might be a dumb idea, because the ending sentences ties everything up well.

Good job! Now all you got to do is write more, so you practice the art.

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Hi Redlark, I have been debating getting a reveiw from you for some time now, are you still doing them? (I know how college finals can be, I just finished mine)

[Redlark]

Oh man, yeah I'm still doing them. I've only got one (perhaps two) on my to-do list, but I've been really busy lately and havent even had time to do a lot of writing.:sad: A lot of work, stuff, personal, etc. If only I could explain my situation, but in the words of a wise man, "I know you don't want to hear that ****, I'm saving that for livejournal :wink:"

But yeah, I'd love to do a review for you. I enjoy reading other people's works, good and bad. I think I needed some time off from reviewing though. I seem to have gotten too "happy-go-lucky/butt-kissing" about them. So yeah -- I'd love to read your work and review it. That's of course after "Seven Stars," then I think Hikari Blaze wanted me to look at Fusion Fantasies, not sure. Just link it.

Sorry for the redunancy in that last paragraph, haha. It's obvious I haven't written for a while, (*sigh*).:ermm:

Eitherway--ciao!

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Well, at least you are balanced, a true good reveiw talks about the good and the bad. Most reveiwers online just focus on the bad which gets a bit old I think, most of all if they are not writers themselfs...
Oh, and not to have you take pity on me or anything but I have a learning disablity so anytime I may ask you to reveiw me know that my sometimes many mistakes I may not catch are not bugs from me being lazy:dazed: .

Ah, you have a LJ under the same name?

[Saffire Persian]

Ohh, I so forgot to say thank you for reviewing my story. ^^ I'm glad you like it. I tried to make it so the memories weren't cheesy, and luckily most people actually liked that part... but meh, I hate when anything has the chance of sounding cheesy. ^^ Perhaps I'll revamp it a bit in the future.

As I said before, thanks very much!

[Redlark]

No, I don't have a LJ, but I can sure as heck act like I do if you want me to.

And you're welcome SPersian. :wink:

I should have two reviews up this week (I promise my Wendy's oath on that) and MAYBE the next chapter to And as the Wind Blows soon. If all goes as planned, lol.

[Sceptile Frost]

Now and Forever (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16061)

Chapter Three and up that is posted (3 and 4 so far, maybe another one by the time you review it)

Anyway, looking forward to the review.

By the way, I'm writing a story called Redlark's Song which is sort of based off of your name or something like that. Or that's what I though of for a title when I started writing it...

[Redlark]

Sorry for the extreme lateness on this review. Redlark's Review Corner is back in business.

Pre.P.S. If this review seems a bit negative, it's probably because I expected a bit more. I'm not sure. Sue me if you don't likey. :smoker:

Title:
Pokemon Journey: The Seven Stars

Review:
This is a journey fic. And what it seems like, the author has lost steam/motivation and has given up. This happens with a lot of journey fics, because they usually lack the distinct beginning, middle, and ending of dramatic structure that makes a story pump along.

I sort of liked story though. By the end of the second chapter, I kind of wanted to read more, but was saddened that the last post was more than a month ago… (*sigh*). Oh well… I see this alot, and I'm sorry for being hypocritical with my own work (trust me, I'm just taking a breather).

For some reason or the other, this story didn't grab my attention like the others I've read. Description was good, but conflict was cliche. I honestly have no idea why I couldn't get myself into reading to the end of each chapter. It probably had something to do with dry description and not enough character action.

The story is about a boy named Ryan who we first see traveling through the Viridian Forest. With a close encounter with the local Beedrill swarms, we are introduced to his primary Pokemon, Poliwhirl. Later, we learn it’s a “pass-me-down” from probably his family. I'm surprised I didn't see this coming.

Grammar was shaky. Issues were in small typos and numerous run-on sentences. This probably means, the author has a lot of material he/she wants to say, and is typing too fast for his own good. A common mistake for an aspiring writer. There were also more fragments than this review.

Since this is a journey fic, plot is a little bit unoriginal; but after reading the author’s “spoiler,” I’m interested in where this story was going to go.

For those reading this review, please give more positive feedback to the author. Because one thing that makes me really sad is an author who gives up on a project and/or never starts a different project. Yes, that includes myself.

But to be honest; it was kind of hard for me to say how I felt about this story. I found myself feeling very little about it. Which is why this review is so short.

Rating: 5.5
Meh. There's definately a lot of potential, but there needs to be more fine tuning in style and plot.

[Redlark]

By the way, I'm writing a story called Redlark's Song which is sort of based off of your name or something like that. Or that's what I though of for a title when I started writing it...

Lol! I'm flattered. :redface:

[Redlark]

Dude!!! Sorry for double-triple posting, but I'm very impressed that Sceptile Frost has given himself deadlines for chapters!! It also seems planned out with a loose malleable timeline, which I'm very happy to see.

Deadlines are a good thing if you're trying to get something done... perhaps I should try it, lol.:neutral:

[katiekitten]

XD Maybe I should try that. My last chapter update for Phoenix is four months and counting. *whistles innocently* XD

Actually, I came here to ask if you would do me the kindness of a review. Ma story, The Evil Bunny King of Doom, is feeling a little bit lonely with no reviews. :( If you could take the time, I would be very greatful. :)

Its not that long... XD

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Dude!!! Sorry for double-triple posting, but I'm very impressed that Sceptile Frost has given himself deadlines for chapters!! It also seems planned out with a loose malleable timeline, which I'm very happy to see.

Deadlines are a good thing if you're trying to get something done... perhaps I should try it, lol.:neutral:
Deadlines kill me :P. If I make one I never get what I say I will done on time. It is the rebel in me I think ;)


This is a journey fic. And what it seems like, the author has lost steam/motivation and has given up. but was saddened that the last post was more than a month ago… (*sigh*).

That means nothing, I've been know to take a year between chapters at times, and still love a story ;). It all depends on the person. Anyhow, I don't think I am ready for a reveiw from you yet, I'm at too juicey a part right now to have anything picked apart *hugs her baby fic* I need all my faith and self-esteem right now, you understand I'm sure ;)

[Redlark]

That means nothing, I've been know to take a year between chapters at times, and still love a story ;). It all depends on the person. Anyhow, I don't think I am ready for a reveiw from you yet, I'm at too juicey a part right now to have anything picked apart *hugs her baby fic* I need all my faith and self-esteem right now, you understand I'm sure ;)

True that, I'm not sure what was wrong with me when I wrote that review, it's the pessimist in me I guess, haha. And yes lol, i do understand.

Otay otay! I think I'll do your story Katiekitten ;-D

[katiekitten]

Thanks! *looks forward to it*

[Kayden Javlaíakín]

Hello, Redlark.

If you have time, I would appreciate it if you would review my newest poem, Promise. If you would, there is a link in my signature.

Thanks for your time,
~ *Kayden

[Orange_Flaaffy]

I really miss this topic, are you still going to do more reveiws?

[Redlark]

Yeah. I'm still going to do it. Later though. I'm out of the forum seriously until I get my internet once more. I enjoyed doing reviews, so expect this topic within the next month, I thinks. Sorry.

Very happy to hear that you enjoyed the Review Roundup.

[Redlark]

So yeah... I'm back, and with reliable internet. And that means my review corner is back. A promise is a promise, soooooooo...

The Evil Bunny King of Doom!!! (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17919), is next. It should be done before the end of this week.

And this time, I'm not joking about bringing back the review corner! Muahahahahahaha!!! (http://www.serebiiforums.com/images/avatars/anime/wattson.png)

[Redlark]

So I decided that I'd do "The Evil Bunny King of Doom" as my revival review for this thread. Mostly because I've noticed that KatieKitten really want's people to review her stuff, and half the time it never happens. So...

Wow... I was a lot faster than I said was going to be... weird...

Title:
The Evil Bunny King of Doom - By KatieKitten (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17919)

Review:
At first, I was totally attracted to the title, "The Evil Bunny King of Doom." Then, I wasn't too sure what I was actually in for right before I started reading. The truth is, the last time I read any of KatieKitten's stuff was a very, very long time ago. I couldn't remember if I enjoyed reading her stuff, wanting more; or just thought, "oh, another fanfic..." So reading the title--I was hesitant.

To my surprise, "The Evil Bunny King of Doom" is the most refreshingly different piece of fanfiction I've ever read in my life.

The beginning sequence, before the advent of the bunnies, is beautifully written. I don't mean beautiful like, "I'm starting to cry," beautiful. I mean, it's just really good writing. Description was well-balanced with action and that entire beginning flowed like a song. There weren't any awkward moments in the actual flow of the words. It felt natural, eloquent, and the entire structure was near perfection. That sort of word control is rare in any writer of any caliber. It wasn't really funny, but the beginning really just makes the reader want to read more. The anticipation build-up was very well done.

I’m still geeking out over the quality of the work. I read it over two hours ago, and my mind is still lingering about how frickin’ awesome it was. Funny, amazingly intelligent, and well composed. I’m now repeating myself, so I’ll stop. So to cut things short. I was impressed.

Near the end of the prologue, the imagery is HILARIOUS!!! Borderline frightening. I’m currently debating whether or not I should call this a comedy-horror. I literally laughed out loud, but thought of the situation and kind of shuddered.

The only thing I did notice about this FanFiction was that near the end, it’s obvious KatieKitten is either getting very excited, the thoughts are moving too fast for her typing, or it was written late at night and she was tired. I’m not really sure. It seemed to move quite a bit quicker than the rest, but that was alright, if not a good thing. I’m not sure. All I know is that I really enjoyed reading “The Evil Bunny King of Doom.” I also really like just saying that title. “The Evil Bunny King of Doom.” Say it with me, maybe you’ll enjoy it, too.

Very good fiction overall. I recommend all readers to read this fiction. The style is amazing and probably something we all can learn from. Also, it’s very obvious that KatieKitten truly gets a kick out of writing. It’s very enjoyable.

Review #2:
For anybody planning to read this fanfiction, do read the last post. It has nothing to do with the story, I think. But it's the best song fic in the world :crackup:

Rating: 8.9
Genius. I actually really liked this story. WHY’D YOU STOP!!!!!!????????

Technical Notes for KatieKitten:
Usually this section is reserved for long ranting, but I don’t think it needs it. So I’ll go as quick as I can.

I’ll start with grammar. There’s only a few things. It's actually not that important.

In the fourth paragraph it starts:

After a warm shower he emerging clean and fully awake...

Don’t you mean, emerged?

Near the end there were a few moments. Like I said before; either you were getting excited, and your thoughts were going to fast for your fingers to type; or it was late and you were laughing as you were writing, lol.

A breeze rippled through the creatures baby pink fur, tickling its whiskers. It looked so cute that

Creature's. Needs an apostrophe.

Near the beginning of the 3rd post:

...cheek, covering his head util the...

Until is mispelled.

The fourth to the end paragraph:

they each harboured a single piece of their masters...

Master's needs an apostrophe.

And the last paragraph:

...Satsfied that thir secret...

Their is missing the 'e.'

And that’s about it. I can't think of anything technical to improve. It was good. Keep on writing. You’ve really got something going.

[Necromancy]

I know it might not be worth it, but would you mind reviewing my story please?

It's in my signature...

Djax94

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Oh my gosh, it is back :3! It's been such a long time, I remember when I was thinking about asking you to reveiw my story but never did :(

[Kenny_C.002]

You chance is now, then Flaffy. I'll need to amount to some more substance in what I'm doing before I let redlark over there go all over it. lol

[Orange_Flaaffy]

You chance is now, then Flaffy. I'll need to amount to some more substance in what I'm doing before I let redlark over there go all over it. lol
*lol* As far as how my fic would be reveiwed: I know my grammar is awful, and spelling is my worst subject, but most of the 'errors' are actually how my character thinks and writes (flowery run ons and all :)) so many of the things my beta fixes (who is a working fiction editor in real life as well, and two years older than me :3) I have to put back to the way they were to stay true to character (if that makes any sense :P ).
I'm sure your fic is fine Kenny :)

[Kenny_C.002]

I don't think it's your cup of tea, though, Flaff. My fic doesn't seem to cause any sort of commotion, so it'll just be a quiet one. ^^

[bryceBAM]

Hey i was wondering if you would review my unfinished story! This is my first fanfiction that i have ever done and i havent gotten a lot of feedback on it yet, so i was hoping you would criticize it! =] The link is in my signature by the way!

[Redlark]

Whoa, I didn't think there'd be this much response :eek: Makes me happy, *gigglefart*.

OFlaffy and Kenny--Anything is qualified for me to read, I don't mind if you think it's not up to par; it could just be that you're being hard on yourself. Unless there's stuff you want to change/add/erase/etc before I read, then nvm. Take your time :wink:

Also, don't fell bad OFlaffy... my worst skill in writing is grammar, too. Writing and reading for me is like playing the piano by ear (similar to a jazz musician), not by technique. "If it sounds funny, there's probably something wrong with it." If you do have any bad grammar in your stuff, chances are I'll catch 5% of it. I'm better at the bigger picture of writing stuff, not the detail.

Eitherway; I personally feel a little bit rusty in reviews. I'll be back in the game after one or three, though.

Other News:
I'm thinking of putting together an Index for all my reviews. Either in the first post of this thread, in my fic archive, or both (probably both). Perhaps somewhere else. I'm also going to add links to the stories I reviewed, so people could read them if they want, etc. If anybody has ideas to make my review thread better logistically or improve the way I review, please post your ideas, thoughts, and feelings.

Here's my current to-do list:
- Darkrai's Corruption and Destruction - By djax94
- Project Repopulation - By BryceBoy10 - Unfinished is fine, i skimmed it, and it's long enough to give a detailed review and comparrison between the old prologue and the new one, etc. I'm looking forward to it.
- The Chronicles of the Shards - By Darth Mukrow
- And Maybe Kayden's Poem if she still wants me to do a review lol... sorry it's been such a long time

Though... I'm not one to review poetry for good reason. I'm personally not good at the genre, so I avoid doing reviews for them at all costs. I love reading poetry, but can't write it well. It takes me forever to write a good poem. Also, it's hard for me to give an overall rating for poetry since there's so much stuff to poetry that I probably don't understand. Eitherway, I thinks I'll do an exception this time if Kayden still wants me to review her stuff.

Keep writing, and peace out. I'm looking foward to the stories :cool:

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Unless there's stuff you want to change/add/erase/etc before I read, then nvm. Take your time

My fic is nowhere near done so some of it might not make sense, but I think it is good enough for reveiw now, and maybe a follow up overall one in a couple years (j/k) when all the chapters are done *lol* ;).
If you are not around then I will drag you out of retirement :3
Anyway, I just miss getting reveiws of any kind, although not the 'flame with a reveiw mask' type ;)

[Redlark]

Sweet, sounds like a plan. I'll probably be around. I don't die... :twisted:

I hate 'flames with a review mask' with a passion. But if you want me to do one just for fun, I'd really, really, really love to, hehe-muahahahaha!:ogre:

So here's my new To-do List:
- Darkrai's Corruption and Destruction - By djax94
- Project Repopulation - By BryceBoy10 - Unfinished is fine, i skimmed it, and it's long enough to give a detailed review and comparrison between the old prologue and the new one, etc. I'm looking forward to it.
- The Chronicles of the Shards - By Darth Mukrow
- Evolution of Fable - By Orange Flaffy
- And Maybe Kayden's Poem if she still wants me to do a review lol... sorry it's been such a long time

I'm gonna get cracking on my reviews as soon as I can, hehe.

[Orange_Flaaffy]

I hate 'flames with a review mask' with a passion. But if you want me to do one just for fun, I'd really, really, really love to, hehe-muahahahaha
Noooo! :P Please, not my baby fic :\! *throws body in pathway of all incoming flames*

[Kenny_C.002]

*flames OF*

Yum, lamb shanks for dinner. I'm actually getting hungry from thinking that. XD

[Orange_Flaaffy]

*flames OF*

Yum, lamb shanks for dinner. I'm actually getting hungry from thinking that. XD
*huge anime eyes* Flaaaaaaaaaaffy? ;.;
I ate lamb once and it actually made me sick without even knowing what the meat was, so I guess I really am a sheep at heart :3
But I really do hate those flame with a reveiw mask type reveiws, most of all becuase they always seem to have a 'this is for your own good, becuase I'm better than you' tone to them.
'For your own good' is fine if you are a newbie writer, but when you have been a writer for years and know the basics, and it gets to were they are just saying things to be a
'famous hardcore reveiwer who does'nt sugercoat anything' it starts to feel a bit...overdone?
I think that is the word :P. A 'rip the writers heart and eat it' review does not always equal a good review :P.
Edit: Never mind what a certain other forum might think ;) *hides*

[Kenny_C.002]

^^ It's okay Flaff, we're here. x3

Though I'm worried about my abilities as an author though, most of the time, anyway. Especially when trying to write with tone in mind. I'm a bit too detached emotionally, I think.

[Orange_Flaaffy]

^^ It's okay Flaff, we're here. x3

Though I'm worried about my abilities as an author though, most of the time, anyway. Especially when trying to write with tone in mind. I'm a bit too detached emotionally, I think.
I've always gotten very emotional with the tone of my stories ever since I was little :). I think it comes from reading alot and the fact that I never had anyone my age to play with *lol*. A good thing is to picture your fic like a movie...

[Gooberdued]

Could you review my fic? It isn't done, but I have 8 chapters up. It's just over 30 pages in word. It's my first fic, but I think I've done an okay job with it so far. I also don't have a title yet :redface:

http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48692

[Redlark]

Lawlz, yeah definately Gooberdued. Oh don't worry about being title-less. Titles are decievingly hard. Also when you're trying to figure out a good one right off the bat lol.

Craziness--now that I've got a pretty good list of things to-do. Review Requests are temporarily closed. (I didn't think there'd be this much feedback.:oops:)

Most of these reviews shouldn't take me that long, though. The only ones that might take me longer than usual should be, Chronicles of the Shards and maybe Untitled. They seem longer than the average and I want a detailed review.

Flaffy and Kenny--Nobody to play with when you were younger? That gives me a sad image in my head. But reading is fun, so i guess it's not all too sad. :neutral:

Actually, reading is really important for writing. It definately helps with seeing good and bad examples to look to. It also just gets the writer more well-versed in how to set moods/tones/themes, etc. by enjoying good writing.

Anywho-I have to agree though, tone's really tough. Mostly because you're trying to move the reader emotionally. It also just seems like a hard concept. Trying to see your writing like a movie is a really good technique though. It really helps in trying to conjure up an image in the mind and trying to recreate it. Eitherway, I also get really detatched when I write. I analyze the crap out of my own material. So sometimes I just get to the point where I just say screwit and write, which I end up analyzing anyway, it's a vicious cycle I guess. I dunno' its weird.

(*looks around. Puts away flamethrower*) Your fics are in my hands...:crackup:

Hold on... if I'm thinking of the forum that you're thinking of Flaff, then yeah. I don't really like that forum, either. That's why I'm always here, not there, lol. I also notice that their forums take FOREVER to load, my gosh.

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Yup, no one to play with :( Just me and my imagination...
I actually don't pick apart my own stories much, the way I feel is that it is not so much I am writing the story as it is the characters are telling me the story and I am just writing it down. All the details are already there, I just have to get to them ;)

Hold on... if I'm thinking of the forum that you're thinking of Flaff, then yeah. I don't really like that forum, either. That's why I'm always here, not there, lol. I also notice that their forums take FOREVER to load, my gosh.
Yes, I think they just take themselfs too seriously. I mean I am twenty-four, but some of the hardcore teens I see over there put my college hardened writing ideas to shame, in terms of pure heartlessness.
You want the newbies to learn to write better and want to be better, not jump off a cliff and hang themselfs with their keybroad cords :P.
When I was a newbie I nearly quit writing forever becuase of them but PE2K saved me :)

[Redlark]

Yes, I think they just take themselfs too seriously. I mean I am twenty-four, but some of the hardcore teens I see over there put my college hardened writing ideas to shame, in terms of pure heartlessness.
You want the newbies to learn to write better and want to be better, not jump off a cliff and hang themselfs with their keybroad cords :P.

Amen. They really do. I think lot of potentially great writers probably stop because of flamers. Now that I don't feel so old :tongue:, let's just assume I'm twenty-one. I'm a writing major (more specifically a dramatic writing major), I come to fanfiction sites to practice my prose, I also like reading other people's material in general. I'm really tired of flame reviewers, too. They only find bad things and can't find a way to improve things. Causing good things to stay good and bad things to stay bad. Or plume out destroying something. It's sort of like an unspoken elitism. My fanfiction origins are from this non-pokemon fantasy site called Islands of Elements. They're harsh in their reviews, but not really "flame for the sake of flame." They're all amazing writers and know what their talking about. So I get sarcasstically rude when I come across hardcore flame reviewers that aren't good at reviewing. That's another reason why you don't see me over there. I'd probably cause a forum fight.

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Amen. They really do. I think lot of potentially great writers probably stop because of flamers. Now that I don't feel so old :tongue:, let's just assume I'm twenty-one. I'm a writing major (more specifically a dramatic writing major), I come to fanfiction sites to practice my prose, I also like reading other people's material in general. I'm really tired of flame reviewers, too. They only find bad things and can't find a way to improve things. Causing good things to stay good and bad things to stay bad. Or plume out destroying something. It's sort of like an unspoken elitism. My fanfiction origins are from this non-pokemon fantasy site called Islands of Elements. They're harsh in their reviews, but not really "flame for the sake of flame." They're all amazing writers and know what their talking about. So I get sarcasstically rude when I come across hardcore flame reviewers that aren't good at reviewing. That's another reason why you don't see me over there. I'd probably cause a forum fight.
*lol* There is no shame in being an older fan, even if you are really 30-something ;). Anyway, I just hate the people who think that the only reason you have troubles like spelling is becuase you are lazy :P. Only people that have never had a learning disablity would say that :\. Even if I make mistakes I still work hard, sometime I will spend a half an hour trying to get a word near enough to the right spelling spell check will even understand it :P. Yay dislexia :3

[Redlark]

Lols, yay dislexia (however you spell it) No, I really am 21. It's just nice to find another 20yr old in the forums from the days of red, blue, and yellow lol.

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Lols, yay dislexia (however you spell it) No, I really am 21. It's just nice to find another 20yr old in the forums from the days of red, blue, and yellow lol.
Of course there was nothing like being a pokemon group geek in high school ;). I always related with Team Rocket the most *hugs James*

[Redlark]

Lol, yeah. The good ol'days when everybody had a game shark and at least one Mew on their team. What was funny was that I actually got into Pokemon just before it was released in the states. I'm half japanese, so my uncle from Tokyo was all like, "Here's a Gameboy Color! This is the biggest game on the market, everybody's playing it in Japan! It's called Pocket Monsters! So you should play it, too. (*downs a bottle of heineken*) It's the best game ever!" What was even cooler was that it was the Japanese Yellow Version that nobody had yet (*gigglefart*). So when everybody else got Pokemon, I was like, "Hey... your's doesn't have Jesse and James? You can't start with Pikachu? You guys suck, haha." But that was years ago, lol.

Anywho - back on subject to the thread. I should have the next two reviews done within the next couple days. Tomorrow's my day off from work. :banana:

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Lol, yeah. The good ol'days when everybody had a game shark and at least one Mew on their team. What was funny was that I actually got into Pokemon just before it was released in the states. I'm half japanese, so my uncle from Tokyo was all like, "Here's a Gameboy Color! This is the biggest game on the market, everybody's playing it in Japan! It's called Pocket Monsters! So you should play it, too. (*downs a bottle of heineken*) It's the best game ever!" What was even cooler was that it was the Japanese Yellow Version that nobody had yet (*gigglefart*). So when everybody else got Pokemon, I was like, "Hey... your's doesn't have Jesse and James? You can't start with Pikachu? You guys suck, haha." But that was years ago, lol.

Anywho - back on subject to the thread. I should have the next two reviews done within the next couple days. Tomorrow's my day off from work. :banana:
Ooooo *old school R/B/Y envy* You were soooo lucky! I hated everyone who hacked their games though and never did it, I hated rare candy cloners even more :(
My fic is mainly focused around pokemorphs based on those first two gens :).
I think my story is different than most morph fic becuase their world has nothing to do with humans and normal pokemon actually have a place in their society :3.
.And that they are vampires of course *lol*

[Redlark]

Title:
Darkrai's Corruption and Destruction - By Djax94 (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=47088)

Review:
I haven't really read a whole lot of Mystery Dungeon/Pokemon Perspective fics so when I first read through the story, it was refreshing. For some reason I thought it was a vampire fic because of the fangs, but I'm weird like that and never even considered Pokemon Perspective lol. Also, it's really nice to see a non-trainer fiction time to time. Maybe it's because I haven't read PokeFanFiction for over a year, but the fact that Djax hasn't spawned another Ash Clone makes me smile.

Though what's written of the story is pretty short, the substance of the story itself it pretty sweet. The story's just started so I can't say there's a whole lot actually going on, but the foreshadowing factor of the actual myth within the story is very imaginative and makes the reader want more. Though, I should say that because (like many Poke FanFictions) the theme of the story seems like it may revolve around the near end of the world from some evil being or climactic possible destruction of the world fulfilling some lost myth; but the true originality of this story comes from the characters and their conflict within the story, not the major goal of the plot. (Side Note: I should say that the “near end of the world” theme time and again does work very well, it’s not the first time I’ve seen it. It could be that I’m being over anal about the theme, but I dunno. I’ve done this theme before, so I’m one to talk myself).

The main character seemed to me the most interesting part of the story. I want to see how he ends up dealing with the whole situation throughout. If Djax elaborates

Overall, the story is interesting and seems like it’s going to start rolling into some good action soon. I’m excited for the next post.

Rating: 6.8
Pretty good. I actually really liked it. Please keep on writing, it seems like it’s going to become an exciting story.

Technical Notes for Djax94:
I don't really need to say much about the story. Darth Murkrow did a pretty good job with covering pretty much everything that needs to be worked on. But the importance of why and overall description is very important.

You want to take your readers on a ride, make them feel like they’re in the story the best you can. With what Darth Murkrow said, it’s very important to create an atmosphere or whole cinematic image for the readers. Make their imaginations run wild with every single detail. So instead of repeating what Darth Murkrow said, I’ll be lazy and cut and paste:

You are right, it is a little on the short side. To lengthen it, I would suggest describing the cave a little more in the beginning. Sure, the prophecy does add a degree of interest (and it's so much better than mine), but it would be so much more suspenseful if something were to build up to the moment of discovering the words.

For instance, is it deep underground, with tree roots piercing the walls and threatening to ensnare passerby? Is it above ground deep in a jungle, with Zubats fluttering blindly around and smelling of rotting plants? Is it on top of a snowy mountain, icicles dangling everywhere and the cold wind blasting through the entrance? This makes a big difference and helps set the mood.

And this explorer. Why is he (and his team, I assume, that could use some clarification) exploring this cave? Did he discover it on accident? Did someone else find it and send them to investigate? Again, more tension building on the element of "why."

Overall, I would definitely say that you would need to improve your description. Place your focus on the explorer and imagine what he is hearing, seeing, and feeling. How far ahead can he see? What does the air smell like? Is there any noticable lack of oxygen? All of this description would help.

Other than that, I'm impressed. Who says it can't be awesome? With some more description, I'm sure that more people would be hooked. I look forward to the next part. I'm just trying to help, I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, nothing personal.

The only thing I guess I’d say to work on is character development. I know it’s really early in the story so not a whole lots happened and you really can’t do too much, but I really want to see who Stolly is and where he goes. He’s the hero, he’s the focus of the story.

Eitherway, I’m glad you finally took up writing too. Everybody should write time and again, even if it’s recreational. And poop on those guys that said you should throw your idea away and stop writing. They’re the true n00bs for not knowing what potential is.

[bryceBAM]

hey redlark, if you havent already reviewed my fanfic, i would like you to factor in the latest chapter that i have posted. Now i am up to:

+Prologue:Part 1
+Prologue:Part 2
+Chapter 1: An Unknown Earth
+Chapter 2: Water Games! [just recently posted]

It is about 21 pages in MS WORD!

[Necromancy]

Aww... Thanks, Redlark!

Yeah, I'm gonna carry on writing it!

But I need to get my butt in gear... :oops:

Thanks again,

Djax94

[Redlark]

hey redlark, if you havent already reviewed my fanfic, i would like you to factor in the latest chapter that i have posted. Now i am up to:

+Prologue:Part 1
+Prologue:Part 2
+Chapter 1: An Unknown Earth
+Chapter 2: Water Games! [just recently posted]

It is about 21 pages in MS WORD!

Sweet, not a problem. And I'm very happy that you liked the review Djax.

I should have the next review done either late tonight or tomorrow.

[Redlark]

Title:
Project: Repopulation - By BryceBoy10 (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48773)

Review:
Whoa d**n.

D**n...

I'm truly stunned...

I don't think I've actually read anything from a FanFic site of this high caliber. I’d have to read Sapphire Persian’s, “The Ties that Bind” again to be sure; but hell... This was heavy.

For a short second there, I thought I was reading Elie Wiesel’s, Night; or All Quiet on the Western Front. I mean like, wow...

The best part of this FanFic is by far the Prologue at this point. The entire story is far from unfinished, but already I’m dazzled by the deep raw emotion lying within the actions of every character and the war against the Apocalyptic Following of, the “Depraved.” Then that story is taken away from us suddenly with the realization that two years have passed and all that was going on is now different.

So many things within the prologue stand out, it’s impossible to cover them all.

So many questions are left unanswered, the readers are only left behind with where the story begins. If anybody knows the mechanics of Science Fiction, read and follow this story. This is not a recommendation, but a command. Project: Repopulation truly puts all my science fiction attempts to shame.

The depth of every character hasn’t covered much, since it’s so early in the story; but it’s clear already that a ton of amazing storytelling is on the way.

I really don’t want to give out any spoilers; so this time, the Tech Notes are only left for BryceBoy10’s sake really.

Overall, this is one FanFic on the Forums that anybody looking for amazing writing should go to. Granted, it should be rated PG-13 for the truly gripping plot.

Rating: 9
This is the second highest rated Fic I've reviewed yet. That prologue was amazing... Chaps 1 + 2 make me want to keep up with this story on the dime. Just keep writing. You've truly got something going.

Technical Notes for BryceBoy10:
Take your time. Don’t rush this story unless you feel you have to, so you can get your ideas down. Go by what you think is right. Don't stop reading, and don't stop writing. Always read over your work (I'm sure you already do).

(This is a personal question, so you don't need to answer) How old are you?

My only problem with the story is that two years isn’t long enough for anybody grow so old so quickly in such a short amount of time. Charlie’s Dad couldn’t of gotten so decrepit so quickly. He was 45 when he went in, and now he’s aged 20 years in two. That’s my biggest complaint.

Also, the way I see Charlie is that he’s a kid who just had his childhood murdered. True, he’s had to grow up very quickly; but I don’t want to see him act like a full adult. He’s still young, so even if he has a strong sense of right and wrong, he’ll probably still be naive to the things only an elder would know. He’s still got his hormones running wild. He may be smart, but he will eventually leap before he looks. It’s only realistic.

In the prologue, the girl with the Croagunk scene and the scene where Charlie waking up in the mass grave stand out the most. Also the emotion in finding dead Depraved members was astonishing. You really had me moved at a guttural level.

Here’s a question you don’t need to answer, but ponder (if you want, PM me so no spoilers are revealed):

I’m sure you’ve already got an amazing story ahead, and some grand scheme that explains a lot. What happened to the Legendaries? I’m sure some of them died or sacrificed themselves; but what about others? More importantly, Mew?

Now--since I like this story so much. Can I write a comeback review when you have a lot of chapters finished? My feelings on it may change over time, but I doubt it. Eitherway, I'm sure I'd have a ton of stuff to say since there'd be so much story to cover.

[Redlark]

I'm a jerk, I just lowered the rating by three dots and raised Ties to be one dot over this. Sorry. I went back to Ties just now and realized it was written in 2nd person. Crazy hard. I hate these ratings, they're really hard to judge.

[bryceBAM]

wow, i am glad that you liked it! :eek:
i didnt really expect such a good response, because i didnt really have much confidence in it, seeing as it is my first fanfic, and i havent done THAT much writing before this, just scribbling down a couple stories that i never got around to finishing!

umm, to the question about my age, i am 13

well thanks for such a good review, i guess i will continue this story to the end

and of course you can do another review after more chapters are finished, it would be my honor! l0l

[Aquila]

The fact that you are a few years younger than I am but can write like this makes me really jealous. Do you read a lot?

[katiekitten]

*tacklehugs* Thanks Redlark! I thought you'd forgotten about it, I know I did. :x I'm glad you liked it. XD Evil bunnies for the world!

XD I'll go fix those typos now. I'm never good with proof reading...

[Orange_Flaaffy]

The fact that you are a few years younger than I am but can write like this makes me really jealous. Do you read a lot?
*lol* I often don't ask for an age when reveiwing things, then I get much less depressed and green eyed ;). The thing is many many younger writers have talent, but like talent in music or, if you don't use it it fades away :\. I can't tell you haw many people I know who were amazing at writing/music/art at their early teens but then buried and killed that talent to get a 'real' job. Such a shame :(

[Aquila]

*lol* I often don't ask for an age when reveiwing things, then I get much less depressed and green eyed ;). The thing is many many younger writers have talent, but like talent in music or, if you don't use it it fades away :\. I can't tell you haw many people I know who were amazing at writing/music/art at their early teens but then buried and killed that talent to get a 'real' job. Such a shame :(

It's not the fact that I can't write as well as he could NOW if I was inspired enough and focused myself enough, it's the fact that he writes so well at an age when I was still writing rather poorly written material.

Oh, and the cool thing about writing is that even if you do get a "real" job, writing on the side is still an option provided the person that decides to do that doesn't let their writing skills rust.

[Orange_Flaaffy]

It's not the fact that I can't write as well as he could NOW if I was inspired enough and focused myself enough, it's the fact that he writes so well at an age when I was still writing rather poorly written material.

Oh, and the cool thing about writing is that even if you do get a "real" job, writing on the side is still an option provided the person that decides to do that doesn't let their writing skills rust.
I was'nt saying that you could'nt write well, I was saying just what you were ;) Envy of early talent, and I know that I was writing much much worst than 'rather poorly' at his age, but then I have a learning disablity ;).

The thing is too many people I know have gotten a 'real' job and let it take up their whole lifes. There is nothing on the side becuase they eat and sleep their boring seven to five jobs :P. It is very sad, I don't think they have read a book in years :(

[Darth Murkrow]

The few times I do actually sit down and read, in all honesty, are for when it's required for school. I do write on a frequent basis, which is the only reason I haven't gone completely rusty, and people tell me I write well for my age.

For the record, I happen to be sixteen, so I was around for the R/B/Y games.

[Orange_Flaaffy]

The few times I do actually sit down and read, in all honesty, are for when it's required for school. I do write on a frequent basis, which is the only reason I haven't gone completely rusty, and people tell me I write well for my age.

For the record, I happen to be sixteen, so I was around for the R/B/Y games.
Reading is the best way to get better at writing :) The more reading you do the more words, styles and emotions will be floating in you head to be put down on paper :). It's called 'fulling your cup' and it works very well. Often if I get writers block it is becuase I have not been reading as much:\. And by reading I mean novels, not fanfic ;). Although I do read alot I am a slow reader :3. I read a little of everything, even comic books, which are actually better written at times than you would think if you are'nt a collector ;)

[Darth Murkrow]

Yes, yes, I know, it's a really horrible habit of mine I've been trying to get over, but it's summer break over here. Somehow, summer band practice (not a word from any of you) comes before writing and reading.

[Aquila]

Reading is the best way to get better at writing :) The more reading you do the more words, styles and emotions will be floating in you head to be put down on paper :). It's called 'fulling your cup' and it works very well. Often if I get writers block it is becuase I have not been reading as much:\. And by reading I mean novels, not fanfic ;). Although I do read alot I am a slow reader :3. I read a little of everything, even comic books, which are actually better written at times than you would think if you are'nt a collector ;)

I couldn't have said it better myself. Anyone who does not enjoy reading but is still a skilled writer at a young age is, in my opinion, a genius.

[Sceptile Frost]

Or a liar.

But, I agree that reading can be very good. Of course, it can also hurt. Emulation (even plagiarization) is not exactly the best things to go around committing. Nonetheless, it is very educational and a good enjoyable way to while away hours.

Redlark, I'll probably request a review of Now and Forever soon, as I plan to edit the chapters I have out and generally improve them soon, while the summer still lasts. So, expect another post in here soon...

And its glad to see you back in business.

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Or a liar.

But, I agree that reading can be very good. Of course, it can also hurt. Emulation (even plagiarization) is not exactly the best things to go around committing. Nonetheless, it is very educational and a good enjoyable way to while away hours.

Redlark, I'll probably request a review of Now and Forever soon, as I plan to edit the chapters I have out and generally improve them soon, while the summer still lasts. So, expect another post in here soon...

And its glad to see you back in business.
I agree, there is a way to lie and still be the one writing a story, it comes when your writing is so deeply inlayed with a style not your own that it might as well be written by someone else -.- I have never done that, since I have had time to make my own 'writer's voice' but I have known many people, most of all young writers, who borrow so many of the styles and copy so many words from the thesaurus and dictionary that they never use and/or don't know how to use normally, that their stories could hardly be called their own :P. There is a big difference between using a word because it is a part of your overall vocab ,and using a word to appear 'deep' \ because a normal everyday word is 'too simple' *rolls eyes* ;)
I'm not saying that anyone here is like that, only that it does happen :(

[Sceptile Frost]

I agree, there is a way to lie and still be the one writing a story, it comes when your writing is so deeply inlayed with a style not your own that it might as well be written by someone else -.- I have never done that, since I have had time to make my own 'writer's voice' but I have known many people, most of all young writers, who borrow so many of the styles and copy so many words from the thesaurus and dictionary that they never use and/or don't know how to use normally, that their stories could hardly be called their own :P. There is a big difference between using a word because it is a part of your overall vocab ,and using a word to appear 'deep' \ because a normal everyday word is 'too simple' *rolls eyes* ;)
I'm not saying that anyone here is like that, only that it does happen :(

I also mean that he could just be saying that to look cool with his jock friends... but of course that is another matter, because there are no jock friends in the Fan Fiction Board of a Pokemon Forum.

I also agree with what you are saying. And I know it does happen, and even more so on a certain large, green forum that will remain anonymous.

[bryceBAM]

oh ummm.... thanks i guess for saying i have talent, i do read alot and i think that may be what helps my vocabulary grow and also helps me become a better writer..... thats why i am so grateful that the 7th harry potter book comes out soon, cuz that would probably be my biggest inspiration in writing! :tongue:

Sceptile Frost, i know what you are hinting at about me and my writing, but i just want to make it clear that i do not steal other people's style of writing or plagarize, i just sit down at my computer and type. Not to be mean or anything, but just dont accuse me of things when in all honesty i havent done anything wrong!

[Sceptile Frost]

Sceptile Frost, i know what you are hinting at about me and my writing, but i just want to make it clear that i do not steal other people's style of writing or plagarize, i just sit down at my computer and type. Not to be mean or anything, but just dont accuse me of things when in all honesty i havent done anything wrong!

I'm not saying anything about you, I'm just saying that plagiarizing can be rather easy, and also that certain SPPf writers tend to use a dictionary more than they should. But I'm not hinting anything at you, or anything.

[bryceBAM]

okay, well i just wanted to make that clear because all of a sudden everyone started talking about possible plagarism and stuff and i guess i kind of overreacted...:redface:

[Redlark]

*gigglefart* i got a kitten hug.

Yar, I'm always astonished by the amount of feedback and popularity this thread gets. :redface: I's feel spehshuul.

I also agree with what you are saying. And I know it does happen, and even more so on a certain large, green forum that will remain anonymous.

Lol. You rock. Green used to be my favorite color. Now it's blue. I hate red and i hate larks. But I do like the Celebi bashing. Long live Kyogre. Maybe Wingull.

Anyway - I almost thought i lost my writing aptitude when I didnt read a lot myself. Then I started reading again and I came back to writing. Flaffy is right, u cant let yourself get lost in life if you want to stick at writing. But that goes with any talent you may have that doesn't give automatic benefits.

I should have the next review done sometime real soon, i thinks. Anywho - Peace out. :rambo:

[Orange_Flaaffy]

*bites hoofs waiting ot be reveiwed*

[Kayden Javlaíakín]

. . .
Scratch the review for the poem, I don't care that much anymore. However, if you do have the time on your hands, I would enjoy it if you would review my newest fic, The Diamond Skies. Yes, it's a trainer fic, but not like you think. And it shouldn't be too long, only one chap's completed.

Anyways, if you can, I'd be incredibly appreciative, since good reviews are rare nowadays.
http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51094

~ *Kayden

[bryceBAM]

hey redlark,(sorry if this is going against the rules or w/e) but when you get a chance, probably in like 2 million years when you finish all the other reviews, would you mind reviewing my new [oneshot] fanfic The Morals Behind a Murder



*I found your last review to be very helpful*

ummm.... i went back and read "The Ties that Bond" since you compared my other fanfic to that and i was inspired to write a 2nd person fic, and i have recently posted it. [The Morals Behind a Murder]

[rambling l0l] SOOOO..... i know it will take you a while to do all the other reviews before me, but i will wait! let me know when/if you will be able to do this! THANKS!

*I am prepared to wait, i just wanted to post this on here so that i dont forget to later!*

[Orange_Flaaffy]

You know Redlark, you posted one time that you were putting a review rating higher becuase 2nd person was so much harder to write..
I'm not saying I disagree and I'm not saying the fic should not get a higher rating, I was just thinking to make it more clear about how to rate: I find it is easier not to just focus on what pov it is written in but how good it is at pulling the reader in and effecting the readers emotions overall as the little bit extra that seprates a 'great' fic from a 'very great' fic :). Style is very important, but how long a fic stays with you emotionally is the true test of time IMHO :3.
Of course I am a girl so emotion\feelings are important to me a lot (not that they are'nt to guys just, you know ;):)
Just my two cents, not to be taken seriously, not bashing anything what-so-ever...Please no one yell at me *hides* *goes to sleep as it is nearly midnight*

[Redlark]

You know Redlark, you posted one time that you were putting a review rating higher becuase 2nd person was so much harder to write..
I'm not saying I disagree and I'm not saying the fic should not get a higher rating, I was just thinking to make it more clear about how to rate: I find it is easier not to just focus on what pov it is written in but how good it is at pulling the reader in and effecting the readers emotions overall as the little bit extra that seprates a 'great' fic from a 'very great' fic :). Style is very important, but how long a fic stays with you emotionally is the true test of time IMHO :3.

Yar. I do agree. That brings me to a good point that's alwas bothered me with my reviews. I'm never actually sure on how to rate a fic. It's always really hard for me. It's the hardest part of the review to write. I know it's important, since it gives the reader a very easy quick reference on quality. But I'm never too sure on whether I'm crediting the author too much, or not crediting the author enough. I also never feel right giving a score :ermm: It makes me feel too much of a judge. I only want to say what I feel about the fic, and try to be as helpful as I can. Which a lot of times I don't feel like I'm much help at all lol.

Eitherway, I do agree about what you said with standing the test of time is in whether or not the fic moves the reader years after reading it, similar or differently like it did the first time read.

Anywho - in other news. I just finished reading D. Murkrow's fic and should have a review in no time, unless I find myself rambling about something :hungry:

Oh, and Kayden. I figured you didn't care anymore, but I felt bad about not reviewing it so I had to say something. And yesh, I will review your new fic. I haven't read a good Journey Fic in a long time. :wink:

Here's my to-do list:
1) The Chronicle's of the Shards - Darth Murkrow
2) The Evolution of Fable - Orange Flaffy
3) (Untitled) - Gooberdued
4) The Diamond Skies - Kayden
5) The Morals Behind a Murder - BryceBoy10
6) ...
7) ...
8) ...


Since I've broken my rule (which is okay, since it's my thread :crackup:)

I'm Taking Stories for Reviews Again - But only three slots are open!!! First come, first serve!

Peace out.

[Shiny Loser]

Hmmm. Could you review any of my two fics *points to siggy rated 9/10 ^^*?

I would appreciate it.

EDIT: Could you review Back to the Crystal Fortress? I just read the rules and since you'd like completed stories, you can review Back to the Crystal Fortress as it is completed.

[Darth Murkrow]

Sweet. I look forward to hearing your review! :oops: *Nervous*

[Sceptile Frost]

Redlark, could you please take a look at Now and Forever (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=36844) when you get the time? It's not the one you looked at last year - this a new revision - and its fallen in a hole of sorts. If you could just take a look at it, it would really help me. Thanks.

[Isaac Gravity]

Hi there, if possible, I would like to request a review on an aged short story that I have buried here.

Bone Chant! (Pokemon Mystery Dungeon) (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=38377)

It would make my day whatever the outcome.

[Orange_Flaaffy]

Redlark? Redlaaark? Where aaaare you?
How are your your reveiws going:biggrin:?

[bryceBAM]

Aahhhhh!!!! Redlark has disappeared!!:sad:!!! Will he EVER return???:susp:

[Necromancy]

Sweet. I look forward to hearing your review! :oops: *Nervous*

Why are you nervous? Chronicles is great! =]

Anyway... Does anyone agree with me that this should be Stickied?

[bryceBAM]

yeah i have been thinking that it really should be stickied some time in the near future, because it is turning into a very popular thread, seeing as some people dont get a lot of feedback on their own thread, or they just want a new opinion, but yeah it really should! :surp:

[Darth Murkrow]

A lot of people use this, it would be good publicity for Redlark and the fanfictions he reviews. My vote's for stickied.

*Still nervous* If I were more paranoid, I would assume that he's doing this on purpose to make me anxious for my review. :oops:... :tongue:

[Hoshika]

I don't think Redlark's going to be on for a while. ._.

How come he didn't get anybody to help him with the reviews?

(If he comes on, though, I want him to review Crossing Dimensions. ^^;)

[Orange_Flaaffy]

I don't think Redlark's going to be on for a while. ._.

How come he didn't get anybody to help him with the reviews?

(If he comes on, though, I want him to review Crossing Dimensions. ^^;)
*lol* Why there is no point calling it your reveiws if you are not going to be the one reveiwing is it? ;) Anyway, it's not uncommon for people to be away for a forum for a month or more at a time, he'll be back :)

[Redlark]

AAAAaaagggh!!! I'M SO SORRY!!!!!

(*sigh*)

I do that time to time, I'm a lil' unreliable lol. I'm very sorry to everyone who reads this thread. I feel a little ashamed. :redface: Somehow i got carried away with a bunch of stuff, then working all the time for some reason or the other didn't help the situation lol. Anywho...

Stickied?... I've always dreamed of that... (*starry eyed*) If this thread does get stickied, I'd be in heaven!!

Here's the review!!!

[Redlark]

Now, I should first say that I'm deeply sorry that my responsiveness on this review is so late. Life caught up to me and I then suddenly got hooked to a random MMORPG. Happens to the best of us, but I apologize nevertheless (No, it wasn't WOW. I would never touch WOW for obvious reasons. If I did, I wouldn't be here right now typing to you, my loyal readers :-P).

And no, I finished reading this following fic long ago, and have finally caught up with the new chapters recently. I liked the fic, but actually writing a review never came forward. I truly feel bad for being so slow...

I'm sorry.

Story:
The Chronicles of the Shards - By Darth Murkrow (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=44168)

Review:
Now, I've got to hand it to D. Murkrow; she's one of those few writers that's actually able to stay prolific even if they've got a "block." Her ability to stay on top of her writing makes her one of the exciting authors to keep track of on the forums. Chronicles of the Shards is no joke.

Chronicles of the Shards is similar to the style of "Mystery Dungeon" where actual Pokemon take the lead charactership (that's not a word). Always exciting, it's nice to see a non-trainer fic (Personal bias).

Overall, there were a few misspellings, but grammar and actual style of the writing flowed nicely and seemed to keep me interested all the way to the latest chapters. D. Murkrow's writing moves quickly and is a relatively easy read with great, quick description and action. Style was precise and personally I'd recommend, Chronicles of the Shards, to any reader of any level.

The story, as said above, moves fast. This is great, since most of the time I notice writers taking forever to explain or carry a story. A good example of taking too long to move a story along are my personal fanfics--which I've decided to stop plugging in my reviews, starting........ now. It deals with a ton of legendaries, which is a lot of fun to read, with a gripping plot. Even though legendaries are used almost all the time, somehow, Chronicles of the Shards, is one of the most unique stories of it's sub-genre.

I love the use of every legendary in this story. Characters are believable and as I kept reading each chapter, I personally became more and more attached to the characters. Salty is by far my favorite character and possibly the most tragic I've seen in quite some time. But then again, Celebi is also great.

Fight scenes are done very well, but a little fast paced in the beginning. The writing does get progressively better at the story goes. I'm not really sure what kind of feedback I can give since there's constant improvement with the story with each chapter.

The only problem I had was the constant, "Human-Bashing." Sure we deserve it, but I dunno'--I guess it made me giggle-sigh inside since I've seen it done before numerous times before so badly that my mind automatically conjures up laughable images from the Captain Planet series. That's just me. I want to see at least one good human in the story.

With the first few chapters, I thought, "Okay, this is cool." Then as the story moved on, I thought, "That was pretty sweet." Then near the end I finally thought to myself, "Add to web bookmarks."

This story needs to be read by everyone on this site. Frequent chapter updates and great writing do make this one of the hot stories on this forum. Well done, D. Murkrow.

Rating: 8.1
At first you didn't grip me, I'm not sure why. But by the end I finally started to love this story. I'm now your #... umm... 4, is it? Okay. #4 Fan.

Technical (Punctuation/Grammar) Notes:
As said before, fight scenes seem to be fast paced. This is perfectly fine, but perhaps it's my own personal bias for tons of action in a story.

I'll be honest, Salty didn't make me cry. He almost did. I love the inner drama with Salty though. His character is possibly the most well done in the story as of now. As you go on, you'll probably reveal more of each character, so this might change. Salty and Rae did move me though, and I did feel sad to see Salty in a rage. I also felt sorry for Lugia. Though his scene was beginning to borderline cheese, it was still executed near perfect.

Very nice fic.

[Redlark]

Oh yeah... here's my new to-do list.

Here's my to-do list:
1) The Evolution of Fable - Orange Flaffy
2) (Untitled) - Gooberdued
3) The Diamond Skies - Kayden
4) The Morals Behind a Murder - BryceBoy10
5) Back to the Crystal Fortress - Shiny Loser
6) Now and Forever - Sceptile Frost
7) Bone Chant - Isaac Gravity
8) Seven Paths - Work Those Stripes

The last one on the list was through a PM. It's against the rules, but they didn't know about my review thread and asked if I could review their story since somebody recommended me :redface: I feels special.

And no...

*I'm currently not accepting stories to review, until further notice.*Not even through PMs.

[Darth Murkrow]

Oh, that's fine. Real life and MMORPGs do tend to get in the way.

Meh, I was wondering if some of my more "emotional scenes" were cheesy. 8.1 isn't bad, though.

Thank you. :biggrin: