A short Poem

[Espeon Rinage]

A short Poem, By ER

Dawn of the Dark

The glistening stars in which thou weep
The heart set sank
The deep, oh la misery
The cruel harsh unforgiving waves
The shadows shroud the world so dark
The heartless destruction covers the Earth we stand
The howling moon
The dark up fall
The dawn of darkness has awakened

[Kayden Javlaíakín]

A short Poem, By ER

Dawn of the Dark

The glistening stars in which thou weep
The heart set sank
The deep, oh la misery
The cruel harsh unforgiving waves
The shadows shroud the world so dark
The heartless destruction covers the Earth we stand
The howling moon
The dark up fall
The dawn of darkness has awakened
I don't like to repeat myself, but this is really quite good.

Nice flow, great imagery and use of metaphors.

Really quite nice, indeed.

~ *Kayden

[Espeon Rinage]

I don't like to repeat myself, but this is really quite good.

Nice flow, great imagery and use of metaphors.

Really quite nice, indeed.

~ *Kayden

Thank you Kayden. I appreciate your effort to comment.

[Matt]

I actually don't think it flows too well, and I don't like the words "thou" and "la" being used, at least not in this context. Actually, why would you use "la" at all in an English poem? And this poem is lacking ALL punctuation marks. Poems do use commas and periods.

The heart set sank
The dark up fall

These two lines don't make any sense.

[Espeon Rinage]

I actually don't think it flows too well, and I don't like the words "thou" and "la" being used, at least not in this context. Actually, why would you use "la" at all in an English poem? And this poem is lacking ALL punctuation marks. Poems do use commas and periods.




These two lines don't make any sense.

I will take your comments into consideration