View Full Version : Ninetails Spirits? A Haunted House on a Hill!

03-07-2004, 02:00 AM
((Cheesy title x.X' It's Berri * wave wave * New character Mina. Plz excuse my slowness. This story will be very very long o_o'))

"They say there are Pokemon in these parts who love it when you're scared. Be careful. For all we know that house is haunted by these fear-loving creatures."

That was the warning. The one warnning out of a million Mina cared for. "Pfft! Yeah right!" Mina would say upon very word of fear that dripped from the mouths of the townsfolk. "It isn't like Sakura and me aren't brave you know."

Mina was 14 years old, having a long way to catch up to become th youngest Pokemon Master. It was said at this point in her life it was impossible, but she wouldn't listen. Mina wouldn't let anything get between herself and her dream. Nothing.

Sakura was her Mareep, a shiney Mareep she'd caught out of pure luck while walking to school. School was boring. Who could care for it? It was so much more enjoiable with a Pokemon. A lot more.

She was from a large city, Goldenrod. "You can't become famous being from a city full of tons of great trainers. You won't leave a mark." Everyone said at her school "Become a breeder or an artist! Or something the bigger cities just don't do! Then you'll be famous!"
Mina didn't care.

"I WILL be a Pokemon Master! I don't need to be the youngest! I don't need to have an amazing history! I CAN DO THIS!"
Those were the last words Mina had said. Then she ran away. She left her stunned mother, the woman who wanted her daughter to be a nurse. She's left her angry father, the man who had taught her to do art in stead of train Pokemon.

The only thing she couldn't feel herself missing was her school. The place where every day she had to sneak a copy of "Beginner Trainers" magazine in her "How to draw Pikachu" book so she could have fun during quiet reading. She's left everything behind except her bag, 3000$ of savings and Sakura. She wasn't even ashamed of leaving. She was ashamed of her home town of Goldenrod for shattering her dreams.

But now, none of that mattered. Mina was in a quiet town called the "Ghost Town". No one would've guessed it ethier on first glance. The town was small and active, having maybe only 100 citizens. A tiny Market place, a few small houses bunched together on a busy street, a bus stop and everyone knew eachother! There were even schools, schools that depressed Mina. Outside, on the playground, kids swung on swings with their Pokemon. Two children were battling their weedles and a young girl watched them with her Metapod, so eagar to try next. Kids were reading "Beginner Trainer" magazines and had no learn-to-draw books to hide their interests. They were happy.

"Come on, Sakura." Mina said in her usual bored tune "We don't need to go to school. I've been studying for 4 years. We're ok." She said quietly, not wanting attention. Sakura and her weren't interested in the schools. They wanted to go to the so called "Haunted House" that was just outside the friendly town. The scared town.

Mina walked onward, pushing through a single tightly bunched crowd of people. "I can't believe it! He's dead?" Squeeled a girl in horror. Mina slowed down and listened, picking up Sakura. The little MAreep baaed and let Mina stroke her fluffy pink cotton coat.
"Yes. We think a Ninetails Spirit got him." Whispered a man back. Ninetails spirits. Mina had heard of them in school. They were supposivly evil 1/3 human, 1/3 ninetails and 1/3 ghost. They were supposed to feed off fear and the sorrow of others.
"Poor man... The haunted house, right?"
"That's where they found his body, covered in blood."

Mina grinned, then continued on with Sakura in her arms. This would be an interesting journey after all! "C'mon, Sakura. We have a mystery to solve!" She said, sounding very pleased. Very pleased. She wanted an adventure and she'd just found one!

03-07-2004, 02:14 AM
{Part 2 - Climbing Down A Cliff. Attack Of The Eevee!}

"C'mon, Sakura!" Mina called, racing down a marked path. The path was nothing but bare dirt, surrounded by a dark gloomy forest. Mina's personality had almost changed, hip length brown hair waving behind her. At her heel was Sakura, the pink Mareep.

"Omigosh! Yeek!" Mina screamed, coming to a sudden stop at the path fell dramatically like a cliff. Sakura yelped and nearly fell over the edge, but Mina grabbed the Mareep's pink fleece and pulled her up, panting for the fear that had taken over her. It was a long fall, Mina could see a tree below her that was about the size of a match box. Sakura and her must've been climbing up a hill.
Explains Sakura's slowness. Thought Mina, considering the idea of having been dragging her body up a hill. "This is great, I have to get down this cliff!" She muttered loudly, mad at herself. She could see a beaten down house below her, unable to make out any details of the house.

"Well, let's get started, Sakura." Mina said quietly, looking at her trembling Mareep. "Sakura... Don't tell me you're afraid of heights..." Mina groaned as Sakura nodded her navy blue head. "Arrrg... Get in your Pokeball." She said, taking Sakura's Pokeball off her belt and pressing the silver button. In a flash of red light Sakura was pulled inside.

Must be nice to have a Pokeball... Mina thought, staring at Sakura's ball that was in her hand. I mean... To be safe from any harm. Her thoughts lingered on these trail for a second longer and she slowly began to climb down the cliff.

"One...Two...Three..." Mina murmered as she continued down the cliff, clinging to its side. She could see the little house more clearly, noticing the damage to the wood and the peeling brown paint. "Four...Five..." She counted her movements, trying to calm herself with numbers. Her hands were sweating and she felt a bit uneasy now.

"Six..." A rock above Mina's head fell as something scampered by and Mina screamed, trying to become flat against the rock and avoid the rock. The small rock whizz by her, skinning her shoulder a bit.
"Eeeee!" Hissed a creature. Mina gulped and tried to ignore the growls and hisses. It was getting dark and she'd seen many small caves in the cliff walls. She could maybe sleep in one of them for the night.

She sighed in relief, finding a cave and quickly letting go of the cliff wall and hopping inside before she lost her balance. "C'mon out, Sakura." She said, pressing Sakura's pokeball button again. The Mareep's pink fleece appeared and out poped the critter's head and arms, then her tail.

"Eeeeev!" Hissed a new vocie, startling Mina so much she nearly fell over. "EEEEEVEEEE!" In less then a second, at least 20 Eevee had surrounded Mina and Sakura, teeth bared and black eyes full of hatred. "Eevee eve! Eee veee eevee!"/<Get out! Eevee Caves ours!> Called one of the younger Eevee. Mina listened, glad to have taken PokeSpeech in school. Eevee was hard to speak, but easy to listen to.

She paused, then tried to smile and reply. This would sound so stupid to the Eevees <Sorry! Mina and Sakura just needed a palce to stay for the night!> Mina called back in Eevee. Pokemon spoke in 3rd person, since it helped them feel secrets weren't being kept <Might Mina and her Sakura stay here?> Mina grinned, feeling uneasy about calling Sakura "her" Sakura. But, it showed that she had more power over Sakura then Sakura had over her and she couldn't keep secrets from Pokemon.

<NEVER! Eevee Caves eevee only!> Roared the Eevee in reply <Mina and her rotten pink cotton leave at once!> Mina listened, balling her fists angrily Rotten pink cotton? <SHE HAS A NAME! THESE 'ROTTEN PINK COTTON' IS CALLED SAKURA! TAKE BACK YOUR INSULT YOU BALL OF MUDDY FUR!> Mina yelled, almost forgetting to speak in 3rd person because of her anger.

The little brown Eevee hissed and prepared to launch forward, but another Eevee grabbed his tail in its mouth. This Eevee had sandy fur and a brown patch over one eye. She growled and hissed, trying to keep the male Eevee back. <Princess Kitsuna! Clay must defend his clan's honor! Filthy human dirt must be wiped out of his princess's cave!> Yelled the Eevee as it tried to struggle free of the other Eevee's grip <NO! Kitsuna is princess! Princess Kitsuna says STOP! Say sorry!> The Eevee yelled.

Mina gasped in surprise, hearing the sandy Eevee address herself. <Princess?!> She repeated, stunned. That explained alot. She must've stumbled upon the Princess's sleeping quaters and made this younger Eevee mad. <Uh..Umm... Clay's pet Mina asks why her master Clay is defending rights belonging of the Princess...> Mina said quietly, trying to keepher wording right. She had to show a bit more respect.
<Kitsuna is to be married to Clay!> Clay said, almost happily <Clay must protect his bride!>

To Be Continued

03-07-2004, 05:41 AM

Mina's jaw must've dropped as she sat there, staring in shock and Clay and his oddly colored bride. "Uh...Uh..." She gulped, not knowing what to say. She was in the Princess's quaters with her fiance and a few hundred feet off the ground... Was there really a wise move to be made?

<By any chance, but would you guys like...Uh...Sushi?> Mina asked nervously, taking her bookbag off her back and digging through the mess of items. Maybe some rare human food would do the trick! <How does Clay know Mina is not posioning his love?> Asked the annoyed Eevee. Mina gulped and pushed a piece of salmon over to the two, who stared at it.

<Smells good....> Murmer Kitsuna as she lowered her lips to the food to eat. <Nooo! Clay's dear Kitsuna could be posioned!> Cried Clay is fear, diving between the sushi and Kitsuna. Kitsuna's lips might his cheek and he blushed, backing away. <Hiruka. Wash this here snack so Clay's beloved may eat it.> Clay said, motioing to a dark brown Eevee. This Eevee must've been a slave, because Clay had a ton of power over her.

The dark brown Eevee nodded, taking the piece of raw fish in her mouth and scampering off to find water to wash it in. <Mina may be out to take over ***Kisulays's clan. One might never know.> Said Clay quietly <Why should Mina want an Eevee clan if she's human?!> Mina asked, annoyed by Clay's attitude. <Clay will defend his Princess! Send your best forward, Mina-dirt**!> Yelled Clay <Clay is Kitsuna's only line of defence! He will fight to his finish!>

Mina glared at Clay, pointing at him with a finger <Take care of him, Sakura!> Yelled Mina, completly taken over by anger now. If Clay wouldn't just let her spend the night she'd fight for her right to stay!!!

To Be Continued{AGAIN}

Things To Know::
In my Pokemon world, I think you've noticed how I show Pokemon Speech. <In here! Whee!> So I hope you aren't confuzzled o.o; NEXT!
***=In the clans, when a couple gets married or engaged they combind their names. The higher ranking of the couple takes over most of the name.
**= Name-dirt is a HUGE insult.

03-07-2004, 04:05 PM

"Sakura, thunder wave!" Mina yelled, just wanting to get rid of Clay. Clay growled at Sakura, but the growl had no effect on the wave of eletric power that paralzyed Clay's body.

Clay growled louder, trying to move his body so as to take down . "Now, use thunder shock Sakura!" Mina ordered, eyes narrowed on the frozen Pokemon. <Evil human of doom! Be gone!> Clay yelled, still struggling to move her legs and tail.
<Wow! She's powerful! I wanna be just like her!> Kitsuna thought, smiling.

Kitsuna didn't want to be protected for the rest of her life. She wanted to fight! She wanted to get as far away from Clay as pokemonly possible!

Clay finally broke free of the trap, but it was too late to avoid the static shock coming from Sakura's Fleece. Clay yelped and backed away, a few sparks clinging to his fur and inflicting mild damage on his body.

<Be gone evil pink cotton ball!> Roared Clay as the Eevee dartted forward to bite Sakura. Sakura baaed and ran towards Clay as well, tackling the Eevee as they passed. Clay bit Sakura's fleece so she couldn't get away and yelped in surprise. The fleece was full of sparks and hurt to touch.

"Great job, Sakura! Use thunder shock again!" Mina called out, clapping her hands together. The other Eevee in the cave stared, envying the power of the evil cotton ball. Sakura's fleece puffed up and sparks began to spring up around it. "Mareep!" She yelled, sending the sparks directly towards Clay.

Clay jumped away from the sparks and ran quickly to wards Sakura in a lightning fast quick attack. <Stay away from Kitsuna foul beast Sakura!> He yelled as he neared Sakura "Sakura, thunder shock!" Mina yelled, worried about Sakura getting attacked by Clay.
Sakura spun aroudn quickly and tossed a sparks of electricity at Clay. The spark plowed into him and he screamed, stopping his attack there.

<Go, Sakura!> Kitsuna said quietly, smiling. If Clay was defeated, she could fight this ball of pink fluff and perhaps go traveling with Mina. She watched, longing to see Clay fall and leave her to go with Mina.

Clay groaned, trying to get up again. He only had the energy for one more attack. He looked back at Kisuna and his jaw fell open. Why was she smiling? Didn't she care that he loved her enough to risk being captured for her sake? He shock his head. No. She had to be smiling because he was willing to do this for her. She wouldn't be happy that he was about to lose!
<Clay protects his Princess!> Roared Clay as he dartted over to Sakura with his last bit of energy. His body ached, paws sore and turning red.

"Sakura, thunder shock!" Mina ordered, screaming at the top of her lungs. <Clay won't fall for that again!> Clay yelled, jumping up as the sparks left Sakura and jumping onto the sheep Pokemon's body and biting her fleece. He yelped in pain, having forgot Sakura's fleece was like a powerplant. He fell backwards and hit the cold stone cave floor. He had fainted.

"Ha!" Mina yelled, taking a Pokeball off her belt and tossing it at Clay "Go, Pokeball!" She said, smiling. But her smile quickly faded as the Pokeball sucked Clay up. "Gaaah! I didn't want a demon Eevee!"

03-11-2004, 08:23 AM
Story: I guess that was fine, certain parts of the story were rather interesting, especially those weird Pokemon o_O

Grammar: Pleaase capitalize attacks like Thunder Shock, also, there were some grammartical mistakes, so maybe use Microsoft Word to help you detect mistakes in your story.

Details: You need more, the current one are fine, but you do need more ^^;;

Reality: o_o Scary story makes it unrealistic, but it's okay, I guess ^^

Battle: A little too short, you'd love to lengthen it with more details I'd say.

Outcome: Eevee not captured!
>> As an experienced storywriter, I don't think I need to help you much, Berri. You should know the mistakes you made and the improvements you need as a grader ^^ Good luck.