Light of Capture and Friendship.

[Volvagia Master]

OK. Im back to doing this. I am going try and capture a Caterpie now. I hope to do better now Im back with new ideas.
Chapter 1
Lyoko picked up his hurt Pichu. He was in the forest and sunset was approaching. Lyoko gritted his teeth. That was a strong Beedrill.
"Pichu! Are you OK?"
"Pichu...." Pichu mumbled weakly.
Lyoko stood up and looked at around. There was just trees around him.
"Is anyone here!" Lyoko yelled. He wanted to help Pichu but his items were stolen off him. All he had was his bag, Pichu and a flute he'd recieved. Through the darkness he saw a small light flicker as it passed the trees.
"Is someone there?" A voice shouted. It was woman's voice.
Lyoko looked down at Pichu. Pichu slowly nodded.
"Help! My Pichu is hurt!" Lyoko yelled into the darkness.
The light came closer to Lyoko. He recognised the woman.
"Nurse Joy. Thank heavens you are here." Lyoko sighed, with huge relief.
"I heard your Pichu is hurt." Nurse Joy answered, she sounded extremely worried.
"We were attacked by a Beedrill. Pichu tried to defend himself but he was hurt."
A Hoot-hoot hooted in the darkness.
"Lets get Pichu to the Pokemon Centre." Nurse Joy spoke out after a few seconds of silence.
Nurse Joy and Lyoko rushed to the Pokemon Centre as quick as possible. Once they were in the warm Pokemon Centre, Lyoko gave Nurse Joy Pichu and sat down. He shivered because he was so cold but he was more worried about Pichu. After an hour he fell asleep, not because he was bored but because he was tired.
When Lyoko woke up he heard the sound of Swablu's singing. Then he heard a Pichu.
"Pichu, Pichu!"
Lyoko opened his eyes to see a Blue Pichu in front of him.
"Pichu!" Lyoko said happily.
Lyoko stroked Pichu.
"How are you?" Lyoko questioned.
"He's OK. Dont worry. There was a small bit of poison in his bloodstream. Its been removed by a small dose of Antidote. He is not fit to battle but I suggest he rests first before you two go out." Nurse Joy told Lyoko.
Lyoko beamed relieved that Pichu was OK.
"OK. Thanks Nurse Joy," Lyoko laughed,"Come on, Pichu. Go to sleep"
Pichu closed his eyes and fell asleep.
A few hours later Pichu woke up. Lyoko didnt notice. Two Beedrill were attacking a defencless Caterpie. Lyoko looked down to see Pichu looking confused.
"Good you're awake. Let's go!"
Lyoko held Pichu tight and ran out of the Pokemon Centre in to the Caterpie. Pichu Thundershocked one of the Beedrill.
"Caterpie, dont worry! You'll be OK!"
The other Beedrill rammed into Pichu.
"Pichu, use Swagger!"
The Beedrill became angry. It went to use Twin Needle on Pichu.
"Come on luck." Lyoko muttered.
The Beedrill hit itself. The other Beedrill smashed into Lyoko and cut his arm.
"Pichu, Pi!" Pichu shouted.
Pichu ran at the Beedrill.

[Volvagia Master]

Chapter 2
Lyoko looked at Pichu.
"Pichu, Thundershock attack!"
Pichu zapped the Beedrill.
"Pichu." Pichu mumbled.
The Beedrill fled. Both off them fled into the trees.
Lyoko turned round to see that the Caterpie had fled.
"I would have liked to capture that Caterpie but at least its safe." Lyoko said disappointed.
Pichu ran up to Lyoko.
"You were awsome Pichu!"
Lyoko looked around. The forest was beautiful in the morning light.
"Its so beautiful." A girl said.
Lyoko looked to his right to see his friend, Sasha looking out at the forest also.
"Hey, Sasha." Lyoko said.
"Oh, Lyoko! I didnt notice you!" Sasha gasped.
"Nothing new." Lyoko said, suddenly angry.
Lyoko and Pichu walked back into the Pokemon Centre.
"You need a bath, Pichu. I know you love a bath."
"Pichu!" Pichu squealed excitedly.
Lyoko and Pichu walked off to the bathing area.

Lyoko put his hand into the water. It was nice and warm.
Pichu jumped into the bath and moaned softly.
"You like that, huh?" Lyoko beamed.
Pichu nodded and moaned again.
Lyoko grabbed the soapy sponge and scrubbed at Pichu's fur. Pichu wiggled his tail in delight. Twenty minutes later Lyoko walked back into the main part of the Pokemon Centre with Pichu on his shoulder. Lyoko smiled at Pichu. Pichu licked his ear in return.
"Pichu!" Pichu squealed pointing at a girl-Sasha.
"Alright then." Lyoko said.
Sasha smiled at Lyoko as she walked over to him.
"Look, Lyoko, Im sorry. I know you are having a bad ti-" Sasha stopped when Lyoko scratched his nose with his injured arm.
Sasha gasped, " Lyoko, how did that happen?!"
"Just a cut from a Beedrill."
"That's very serious what if there is poison in it!"
"You're right. Ill have it checked."
Lyoko walked into the Pokemon Centre. Just as he reached Nurse Joy someone shoved him in the chair.
"Oi! What was that for!" Sasha and Lyoko shouted together.
"Oh shut up." The man said.
"Why don't you?" Lyoko said.
"Fine. If you won't shut up, I'll make you. Let's have a one-on-one battle."
"You're on." Lyoko accepted
"Just to say, my name is Shadow Master!"
"Im Lyoko." Lyoko replied.
Lyoko and Shadow Master walked out of the Pkmn Centre and into the forest.
"OK. Pichu, lets do this. Come on!" Lyoko grumbled.
"Go, Charmeleon!" Shadow Master shouted.
Lyoko gasped. The Charmeleon was black instead of red.

[Volvagia Master]

Chapter 3
Lyoko stared at the black Charmeleon.
"Surprised?" SHadow Master chuckled, evilly.
"Yes. What did you do to that poor Charmeleon!" Lyoko shouted.
"I simply sent this Charmeleon to the shadows. Its what I do. Now on with our battle."
Lyoko gritted his teeth.
"Pichu start with a Swagger attack!"
"Flamethrower."
Pichu dodged quickly as the flamethrower burned a tree down. Pichu looked at his tail.
"Pichu, Thundershock now!"
Charmeleon didn't react quick enough and was paralyzed.
"Not bad. Charmeleon, Flamethrower!" Shadow Master smirked.
Pichu ran up a tree to avoid the Flamethrower.
"Charmeleon, burn that tree down."
Pichu jumped to the next tree and ran down it.
"Pichu, Swagger!"
Charmeleon try to close its eyes but it was now confused and angry.
"Charmeleon, Slash on that pathetic mouse!" Shadow Master bellowed.
"Pichu, Thundershock." Lyoko ordered.
Charmeleon used the electricity to boost the power of its Slash Attack. He connected with Pichu.
"No, Pichu!"
Pichu flew into a tree.
"Charmeleon, Flamethrower.
Lyoko didn't want Pichu to be hurt.
"Pichu run!"
Pichu just avoided the Flamethrower
"Thundershock." Lyoko shouted.
"Slash!" Shadow Master roared.
Pichu zapped Charmeleon. Charmeleon hit itself in its confusion but snapped out of it.
"Oh great. Swagger." Lyoko grunted.
Charmeleon charged in for another Slash and was confused again. Lyoko suddenly thought up an idea.
"Pichu, duck that Slash then Thundershock!" Lyoko shouted.
Pichu nodded.
"There's no way that mouse will avoid this Slash!" Shadow Master shouted triumphantly.
Charmeleon lunged for Pichu.
"Duck now!"
Pichu ducked and Thundershocked Charmeleon, just as Lyoko told him to.
"No way." Shadow Master muttered, suddenly full of fear.
Charmeleon fell down and fainted.
"Pichu?" Pichu squeaked.
"We won." Lyoko said, surprised.
"Pichu!" Pichu squealed.
Pichu jumped into Lyoko's arms.
"Pichu, I knew you could do it! You are the best." Lyoko laughed with joy.
"That was some battle." Sasha told Lyoko.
"Pity about the forest." Lyoko muttered.
Lyoko looked around at the once beautiful forest, now burned and scorched.
"Caterpie." A weak cry was heard.
Lyoko saw a slightly burned and scratched Caterpie.
"The Caterpie we rescued!" Lyoko gasped.
He ran over to the Caterpie and slowly and carefully picked it up.
"We'd better get the poor thing to Nurse Joy right away." Sasha said, looking concerned.
"Yeah." Lyoko replied.
Lyoko ran with Caterpie safely in his arms to the Pokemon Centre.
"Nurse Joy!" Lyoko shouted.
"Oh dear, what's happened?" Nurse Joy sighed.
"Its this Caterpie. Its hurt! Badly!" Lyoko said, urgently.
"I'll try my best."
Lyoko gave Nurse Joy the Caterpie and sat down exausted.

About an hour later Sasha came into the Pokemon Centre with some berries.
"How's the Caterpie?" Sasha asked.
"Still in there."
Lyoko pointed at the doors to the Pokemon Care Unit. A few hours later Nurse Joy came out of the care unit and woke Lyoko up.
"Wuz goin on?" Lyoko sleepily muttered.
"Caterpie's fine. If you had brought it any later, the poor thing would be in worse shape. It should be ready to be returned back into the forest tomorrow." Nurse Joy told Lyoko.
The next day Lyoko took the Caterpie back into the forest.
"Im gonna miss you Caterpie." Lyoko whispered.
Caterpie looked up at him.
"Alright. Go on. Back to your home."
Caterpie refused to go.
"OK. I dont deserve to just shove you in a Poke' Ball. I'll battle you OK?"
Caterpie nodded.
"Go on, Pichu! Do your stuff!"
Pichu jumped off Lyoko's shoulder ready to battle.
"Swagger attack now!"
Caterpie rolled at Pichu.
"Pichu, use Thunder Wave!" Lyoko shouted.
Caterpie rammed in Pichu as it was paralyzed. Pichu fell back to the floor.
"Certainly a good Caterpie. Thundershock!" Lyoko muttered.
Pichu jumped up and zapped Caterpie. Caterpie rolled back and used its String Shot attack at Pichu. Pichu managed to avoid the String Shot.
"Swagger again!"
Caterpie became more riled and rolled quickly at Pichu.
"Thundershock!"
Pichu zapped Caterpie just as he was hit. Pichu smashed into a tree trunk while Caterpie fell back. Pichu and Caterpie slowly struggled up.
"Come on, Pichu. You can do it. Thundershock." Lyoko grunted.
Caterpie charged at Pichu but hit itself in its own confusion. Pichu zapped Caterpie.
Lyoko couldn't believe it. Caterpie was just staying in it.
"I dont want to cause any pain to you Caterpie. Poke' Ball, go!"
Lyoko threw the Poke' Ball at Caterpie.

Was this it? Had Lyoko captured Caterpie?
Or would he have to try again for Caterpie?
What is going to happen?

[Dr Scott]

First off, I'll tell you the same thing I told the last person I graded. Try to put spaces in between all of your paragraphs. It makes it longer and a lot less confusing as well!

Plot: Not bad, especially for the start of a story. You could try to put more personality in your characters, give them all likes and dislikes. You did do that, but do more of it. I liked how your Pichu liked baths, even if the moaning was a little creepy ^^. Give each character, Pokemon or not, likes and dislikes, etc. But pretty darn good plot for a beggining story. Just find a storyline and stick to it, don't have a whole bunch of random stories. It really helps ...

Grammar: Some mistakes, but nothing Word couldn't fix. And some other gramatical errors, like ...

"Lets get Pichu to the Pokemon Centre." Nurse Joy spoke out after a few seconds of silence.

I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure it should be "Spoke up after a few seconds." Nothing big, but still worth being pointed out so you'll know ^^.

Battle: Short, sure, but you're fighting a caterpie. And I liked it, it wasn't "He used this and my accuracy went down and" ... Just add some more length next time ^^

Length: Well, I don't have my "Exactly how much words needs to be in it" guide, so I will just use my own rebelious mind and say the length is fine :P.

Outcome: Caterpie Captured!

Helpful Hints:

Add more detail from now on, and put spaces in between paragraphs. Keep doing what you're doing, but fix it up and flesh it out. Your story is merely a very vivid dream, but in writing. Write exactly what you see, what you hear, what you smell.

Flesh out your characters. What do they wear? What do they look like? Sound like? Anything from the past I should know?

All in All: A good story for a begginner, keep it up ^^