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Max
06-12-2004, 10:56 PM
By: <!Max!>

Chapter one: ~..::Quest for the Dragon::..~
http://www.pogostick.net/~fhf/cooking/pokegrill/pics/Dratini.gif




Im Omis Green, and ever since I started out... I wanted The Dragon pokemon known as Dratini. I Thought I would never get the chance to even see one. Let alone catch one...Ever since I first saw a dratini, I knew it was the coolest pokemon ever! I sure wished I had one. I didn't know how I was gonna get a Dratini, but i was gonna get one. Oh! I was gonna get one.

It all started when I was five. I would watch battles on TV everyday. The action! The Skill! The pokemon! I admired the Pokemon. The way the could endure attacks. Those powerful blows and blast! The test of strength, speed, and stamina. "WoW." Then I saw it. A Dratini! It was sooooo cool. I loved it. The attacks, the strength. Thats when I fell in love with the dragon pokemon known as Dratini.

At ten years old, I was ready. I was finally ready. To start my journey. To get a Dratini. Thats it. I thought it was that easy. Boy, was I wrong. I got dress and ran down to Prof. Stoak's lab as fast as I could. I didn't know anything about pokemon. All I knew was that I was gonna get me a Dritini. When I got there, He sent out three pokemon, a turtle looking pokemon, a Lizard pokemon with a flame on its tail, and a Dinosaur-ish pokemon. It had a seed on its back. I looked at all three. "Yeah, those are nice, but what I want is a dratini!" He laughed. Told me I couldn't get a Dratini here. I had to catch one. I was crushed... All these years and I couldn't get a Dratini. He told me to pick one of the three. I chose Charmander. Seeing as it looked the coolest . Prof. Stoak gave me a pokedex and five pokeballs. He tought me a little about about Charmander and about type match-ups. Then, he sent me off. Would have been better with a Dratini :susp:. But... this little guy wasn't so bad.

As we walked through the woods I noticed some nice pokemon. But no Dratini! I didn't even know where Dratini were found. Great! how was I gonna get one!? Then, I hear it. A trainer called me. Asked me for a battle. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say no. I would look like a dweeb. I didn't want to say yes. I would look like a dweeb. So I did the next best thing. I ran. I ran until there was no more trees and pokemon ahead of me. Just good-o-city! Then I realized, I was suppose to be collecting badges. I didn't have any one battle and I was in my first town. There was a gym here, too. I didn't get any training. I let out Charmander. Just thought he needed some fresh air. Then, a Oddish hopped by. It stared at me and Charmander for a while. Then, all of a sudden, just attacked us. I told Charmander to use Amber! It just stood there. Use amber! use amber! "Ohhhhhh" -_- "Ember" it was a direct hit! the little oddish fell back. I didn't know what else to do... so I threw a pokeball. It stood on the grass shaking. Once... Twice... Three times! 'I caught it!" I caught my first pokemon! I knew I hurted the Oddish so I ran it to the pokemon center. Then, I was gonna try that gym. I knew it was a rock type gym. So, after what Prof. Stoak told me, I should have the advantege with Oddish. I was in no waiting mood. The faster I move on, the faster I can get my Dratini.

At the gym, There were many trainers to battle befor I got to the gym leader. I thought this was good... and bad. I wanted to get it over with, but I wanted the training, too.

Ok, it was time for my first trainer battle. The first trainer didn't look so tough. Then, it started. He sent out a a Rocky ball. I pulled out my pokedex and it said, "Geodude." Then I sent out Oddish! The battle began. "Ok Oddish! use Mega Drain!" It missed. The Geodude was faster then I thought. It use Magnetude! As soon at the Attack was used, I told Oddish to Jump. It made it, without a scratch! "Ok Oddish! Use Giga drain!" It hit! One hit KO! I was so proud. Oddish did it. Charmander and I cheered as Oddish ran back. I was that much closer to The leader, and that much close to my Dratini.

The rest of the Trainer battles went much like the first. Plus I even got Charmander in a battle. When one of the trainers used a sandshrew. I couldn't belive it. I was better then I thought.

Then, I was time for the the gym leader! Said his name was Rock B. My first Gym Battle! "Wow," everything was new me!



OOC: To be continued...





Chapter two: ~..::Quest for the Dragon::..~


Ok, The battle began!
I sent out Charmander first this time. Rock B. Sent out a Geodude. Yet another one. "Ok Charmander Use Metal Claw" HIT!...It didn't even make a scratch on the thing. I'm Dead... I can't do this with power... I need strat... But what?... I got it! "Charmander! Use Tail whip! Give it all you've got!" It was a hit. I remembered what Prof. Stoak told me about Tail whip. It lowers Defence. Geodude then chucked huge bolders in the air! They came down hard. Charmander managed to dodge them! "Now Charmander! Metal claw!" It swang at Geodude like a baseball player with the chicken pox! It was so cool. His claws glowed. It hit! Geodude went flying back to the wall. Then Rock B. Sent out a huge snake like pokemon. I pulled out my Pokedex yet again. It said it was an Onix. I'm dead... Ok... I need to think of strat again.... I got it! "Charmander, Use-" Before i could finish, it hit me with a full on blow. Charmander went flying.

Then I sent out Oddish. It was up to him. My little tiny Oddish against that huge Onix. Onix picked up oddish and wraped it around in it's rocky tail. Oddish looked so hurt. I felt so bad for making him go out there! I had to think. Then I got it! "Oddish use sleep powder!" Hit. Onix fell to the ground. It felt like an earthquake when that thing hit. "Now Oddish! Use you Solar Beam!" It charged up for a while... then- It was a Bea-u-ti-ful attack. It was so cool. It was hard to think that that huge attack came from that tiny pokemon! I cheered as Oddish ran back.


I did it!... I beat Rock B.! I got my first badge!


Rock B. also gave me a TM. I didn't know what it was... But I was sure it would come in handy later...

As I left out of the gym... some one ran past. She was being followed by some wierd Guy. He had on Green and Orange. Then, they ran into an alley. When they got to the far end the guy sent out a wierd gecko like pokemon. I Pulled out my pokedex and it said there was no info on that pokemon. The guy told it to use "Leaf Blade" I told Char to use ember just in time to burn down the leaves. Then I told it to use Flamethrower on the guy and his pokemon. He fled.

"Why was that guy chasing you," I asked the girl. "He is part of an evil organization called, "Team Dragon"." "Yes, But why was he chasing you?" "I have a dragon pokemon" Dragon pokemon?! "What pokemon?" "Dratini" Dratini!!! She has a Dratini! Im gonna get a dratini with the help of this girl!


"My name is Omis, and yours?" "Lizzy, C'mon! we have to follow that TD Guy... we have to get those pokemon," she said.
"umm... OK," I replied.


OOC: To be continued...

Max
06-13-2004, 03:16 AM
Chapter three: ~..::Quest for the Dragon::..~



We ran to a large lake right behind the gym. When we got there, there was this HUGE air craft. Looked like somthing right out of a movie. "This is TDHQ," Lizzy said. "TDHQ?" "Team Dragon Head Quarters," she replied. We snuck past one of the members to the back of the plane. In the stock room. There were pokemon! All dragon pokemon. In cadges. Locked up like rattatas. How could they do this? Why would they do this? There were some dragon pokemon i've never even seen. Then, I looked to the side of the large room. There was a Dratini! A Dratini! I was like... whoa. I Looked at it for a while. Finally walking up to it. It was so cool. Even cuter in person. I couldn't believe it. I was looking at one of the coolest pokemon(IMO). As I walked closer- "What are you doing in here!" a strange person said. It must have been a member of TD. "Where here to free all of these dragon pokemon, Lizzy said. "prrrrf, Your funny that way. Because you arn't getting out of here with any pokemon, or anything at that mater," he said. "Yes we are!" I said. "We're taking all of the pokemon out of here." "You and what army?" "This army!" Lizzy said. "WoW" There was five Huge Pokemon behind here (Plus the dratini she told me about). They had Horns, wings, and were orange.


:paranoid: Wow... this girl has more then just a dratini. She told them to use Hyper Beam! It was amazing. Such power, force! Gave me another reason to love love dragon pokemon. I fell in love with dragon pokemon all over again. The TD Member sent out a little purple blob. It transformed into a Huge wall. "Thats cool" It endured all the blowes. Now that was amazing. All those Hyper beams and not even a chip off the wall. What am I doing... I gotta get a police! I ran out of the craft and ran to the pokemon center. I told Nurse Toy and she called Officer Penny. She was down here sooo face. It was like she was right next door. We drove back to the craft. There wern't any gaurds in the front this time. They we're all in the back trying to fight back Lizzy's Dragons. We ran to the back and there were so many pokemon. It was a war field!


I had to think. There was a way to do this. Then, I got the idea. It was so simple! Get all the pokemon out of the cages and battle with them! It was pure genious! "Now to open them all" GL me. I opend the first one with a dragon pokemon in it like Lizzy had. It could help me get the rest out. I told Charmander to use an ambe-...Ember, then Metal Claw to crush open the Metal door. Success! Then the rest took place. Then I had them all. Cept one. Dratini. How could I forget!? Charmander used Metal claw to break open the door. The dratini was shy. I couldn't believe it. I was so-so-so... I don't know what I was. I was to shocked to think. "It's ok little guy, I wont hurt you. I'm on your side ^_^" It was so cool!


"Ok, It's time to Get those guys!" All of the pokemon swarmed. It was good against evil. "CHARGE!" All the pokemon rushed ahead. The ground shaked! All pokemon went ahead...cept one. Dratini. It stood right next to me. I had to be the happiest trainer alive! It was soooooooooo great! I couldn't help but get caught up in this dratini. I am trying to beat an evil team, and i keep getting caught up in this cute little creature. The battle went on. It was so frantic. A Fire ball here, A thunderbolt there. It was right out of the TV. I was in the middle of it. It was so cool. Then, One of the Dragon pokemon started to fall. It was coming right for me! I dived out of the way. Dratini stood there! it was gonna be smashed. I didn't know what to do. So I dived right back in the way of the falling Dragon. I pushed Dratini out of the way. I saved it! I did it! I did somthing useful! The dratini stared at me with those big eyes...


After a while, TD was beatn' and all put in Jail! Lizzy had to go out on her way and so did I. I walked along. So Siked that "I" got to see and touch a Dratini.


As I walked through the woods, I heard somthing. It was comming from behind me. I looked back and saw the Dratini that was at the craft earlier. it must have followed me. "Drii" "You wanna battle me?" "Drii!"
"Well, lets go!"


It began! I sent out Oddish! Dratini started out with a Thunder wave. It was a direct hit! Two can play at this Game. "Oddish! Use Stun spore!" I said. Direct hit. "Ok Oddish return!" Then I sent out Charmander. It tried to use an attack but it was paralyzed. "Ok Charmander, Lets use Fire Blast!" Missed! "wow" Dratini was soo cool. Paralyzed and still can avoid attacks! "Ok Charmander, Use Flamethrower!" Hit. The Dratini looked hurt. I felt bad... but... It had to be done. "Ok... Go Pokeball!"

The ball Shook... shook. The light was red. Felt like I was standing there for hours! Then, It stoped. I caught Dratini! I did it! I actually have a Dratini. I sent it out right away! It was asleep. It looked so cute! I knew this was the begining of a bea-u-ti-ful friendship!




OOC:..::The End::..


By: Max

This is my first one
I'm doing this for Dratini... Hope I get it ^_^

vellyvell
06-14-2004, 11:26 AM
First of all, you don't say if ya caugh the pokemon,
bad boy :evil: j/k
okay since this is your first story I will let you of with 65/100 being capture

Story: Okay, you were a kid who wanted a Dratine real bad, chances are you would have trained Charmander alot before going after one. The plot had a few plot holes but other than that it was okay. 16/25

Realistic. You beat a gym leader on your first try, You happen to find a girl being chased with a dratini, she happens to have 5 other strong pokemon, You find a room full of dragons, and you catch a dratini with out a big tough fight, the realism just isn't there. 9/15

Length: 2,315 words, 11,635 roughly characters, not long enough, the battle was short. lengthen it up a bit. 4/10

Grammer/spelling: quite a few mistakes, but grammar was okay, type it in Microsoft word, and do a spell check. 13/25

Battle: 1005 characters, 184 words, 3 paragraphs, sorry but this doesn’t cut it. The pokemon battle should be half the story or in this case more, the battle should be more detailed also. 10/25

Totat: 52/100 Not captured

Jack of Clovers
06-23-2004, 11:59 PM
vellyvell's taking too long :oops:

story:
simple starter story, however it moves way too fast and it's too short for a Dratini, especially for a first capture attempt. Team Dragon is a nice idea, but you move to it very fast.

grammer:
so much is wrong. when people speak in quotes, always put different speakers in different paragraphs and not all on the same line. also, never-ever use 'gonna' unless a character is saying it. use 'going to' instead. there is a lot of slang in the writting and getting rid of 'gonna' will help you out. reread the story slowly for some other minor errors like capitalization and sentence structure.

detail:
you do an ok job at this but you failed to give a description of your character. for a first person story, you must look yourself in a reflection of some sort (mirror) to describe yourself, that's the only way. also, detail will slow the story down and not make it so fast. to me, it seems all that battling/gyms/Team Dragon stuff happened on the same day. slow down with detail and describe the surroundings.

battle:
way, way too short for a Dratini. battles should be close to a forth of the story (in which you need to make it much longer for Dratini). Dratini is rare, keep that in mind, so it will be hard to find and catch. also, that Oddish you caught, you cannot use that capture for the URPG stats, only for your story purposes. and to help you with longer battles, detail everything. EVERYTHING. don't just say the attack hits, show the reader what it does and all the action/reaction.

realty:
you want a Dratini and you find one so quickly after starting, how convenient. also, Charmander shouldn't be able to learn Metal Claw so quickly... new Trainers are not giving high level Pokemon like that.

tips:
i suggest starting small. Dratini is my favorite and it took me i think 15 capture stories before i finally encountered them in the journey . maybe go for that Oddish and try to catch it for URPG standards. just remember, longer story, more detail. try not to move so fast.

Outcome- Dratini not captured!

~Jack~

vellyvell
06-24-2004, 12:05 AM
yeesh jack, i just got back today
and you graded my story

Max
06-24-2004, 04:57 AM
vellyvell's taking too long :oops:

story:
simple starter story, however it moves way too fast and it's too short for a Dratini, especially for a first capture attempt. Team Dragon is a nice idea, but you move to it very fast.

grammer:
so much is wrong. when people speak in quotes, always put different speakers in different paragraphs and not all on the same line. also, never-ever use 'gonna' unless a character is saying it. use 'going to' instead. there is a lot of slang in the writting and getting rid of 'gonna' will help you out. reread the story slowly for some other minor errors like capitalization and sentence structure.

detail:
you do an ok job at this but you failed to give a description of your character. for a first person story, you must look yourself in a reflection of some sort (mirror) to describe yourself, that's the only way. also, detail will slow the story down and not make it so fast. to me, it seems all that battling/gyms/Team Dragon stuff happened on the same day. slow down with detail and describe the surroundings.

battle:
way, way too short for a Dratini. battles should be close to a forth of the story (in which you need to make it much longer for Dratini). Dratini is rare, keep that in mind, so it will be hard to find and catch. also, that Oddish you caught, you cannot use that capture for the URPG stats, only for your story purposes. and to help you with longer battles, detail everything. EVERYTHING. don't just say the attack hits, show the reader what it does and all the action/reaction.

realty:
you want a Dratini and you find one so quickly after starting, how convenient. also, Charmander shouldn't be able to learn Metal Claw so quickly... new Trainers are not giving high level Pokemon like that.

tips:
i suggest starting small. Dratini is my favorite and it took me i think 15 capture stories before i finally encountered them in the journey . maybe go for that Oddish and try to catch it for URPG standards. just remember, longer story, more detail. try not to move so fast.

Outcome- Dratini not captured!

~Jack~


:oops: oooooooooook... i'm not writing another story for a while...

maybe i'm just not an author :depress:

Ruben
06-24-2004, 12:10 PM
:oops: oooooooooook... i'm not writing another story for a while...

maybe i'm just not an author :depress:

Well, don't take it so harsh. Your story is quit okay and long enough, but you must understand, dratini, the pokémon evolving into dragonite, should not be so easy. If you just edited some spelling in the main story, try to catch another pokémon and make your battle longer, then I'm sure you'll catch it :wink: Don't give up to easily. And take a long time to make your story. I'm now also making my story for the URPG and I re-read it every time before I continue it. And so I discoverd many mistakes and errors. So don't give up yet.
Keep on trying :wink:

- Ruben V.

Satou
06-24-2004, 12:33 PM
:oops: oooooooooook... i'm not writing another story for a while...

maybe i'm just not an author :depress:

Awwww! Don't feel bad!
I wrote a story for an Abra once and it was long but the story was awful xD Like, really awful and cruel. I was kind of upset because I had worked so hard but when I looked back I was able to fix it in 5 minutes.

Go for Oddish first and train it into a Gloom and then evolve it with a stone ^___^ Trust me, it'll help.
Once you do that you can get a story regrade and then move on.

The length of my stories always depends on the PokeMart price. For the first 5000$ I try to make my stories 2 posts long and then for every 1000$ after I make the story one more post :) If you run out of ideas you can be beaten the first time and then try again later or have Dratini running away alot and your having to track it down.

Anyways... Don't stop writing!!!! ^_____^

Ruben
06-24-2004, 12:53 PM
If you run out of ideas you can be beaten the first time and then try again later or have Dratini running away alot and your having to track it down.

Can you do that ?! :eek: I tought the rule was you may only battle the wanted pokémon once... Dosn't it state that in 'How to write a URPG capture-story' ? (or whatever the title is :silly:)

- Ruben V.

Satou
06-24-2004, 05:11 PM
Really? Oh snap, I ish gonna fail my story then >_>;
I don't see what's wrong with it, though. I guess the other thing is the wild Pokemon can knock your Pokemon out xD And then you send out a new one. Dratini is rather strong...
Anyways, sorry again. That rule hasn't been there >_>;;