I'm hungry.

[mlugia]

This is my first capture story, not sure of the strict requirements, whatever, but I kept it as realistic as it gets in the anime, from how the pokemon would actually behave to uh... some of the eating part... yeah. Go easy :)

=======================

mlugia sighed. This just isn't his day. Despite having a Snorlax, Heracross and Zangoose around his belt, he has yet to be able to catch any pokemon. His last battle, against a pidgey, had resulted in Zangoose accidental overpowering his slash, ending the life of the poor pidgey. Not wanting to have the poor bird go to waste, mlugia ended up having to roast it over a fire, and made a satisfying lunch out of it.

Unfortunately, still no catch. He yawned, it was a nice day after all. The sun was shining through the canopy of the Viridian forest, the birds were chirping, and mlugia was still hungry. And it just so happens that the pidgey hadn't done anything to fill him up. Fish sounded good. As long as it wasn't a damn Magikarp again. The last time he caught one a horde of Gyarados rose up from the lake and began attacking him. Luckily for him, some nerdy kid complete with glasses and checkered dress shirt (who, according to mlugia, seemed a little... furry? Too much hair on that thick head of his anyways.) who just started with a Bulbasaur wanted to test his merit, and so he had left the kid to fight Gyaradoses alone.

"Ha ha, sucker," He chuckled as he recalled that incident. No doubt the kid and his Bulbasaur are now digesting in the stomach of the Gyarados by now. Speaking of stomach, his stomach growled again, notifying its owner that it, like Secksee the Snorlax, is still hungry. "I'm hungry," He told Secksee, who snored in reply. "Damnit, remind me never to talk to you about anything again. Return, Secksee."

mlugia opened up his bag and looked in, there was only half a can of minced Milotic in BBQ sauce left. Not the best lunch. He took the can out and threw it away, it was molding. He trudged along the leafy path to Pewter City, wanting to get as quickly as possible to the next Pokemon Centre. "God damn, the only place Starbucks haven't set up stores in and I HAD to be here."

A few minutes later, he found himself at the edge of a small lake. The sun shining on the tranquil waters caused mlugia to go blind. "@#$@#$," he cursed, and found his pair of sunglasses. "Oh yeah, now I look cool," He said as he did a gangster pose. Behind him, Heracross scratched her head.

"Zan, Zangooooo" (Don't worry, he's gay like that) Zangoose explained.

"Hera! Cross Hera hera cross!" (Great, of all the ******* trainers I had to have...)

Suddenly, all three pokemon caught sight of a Seaking jumping over the water. The droplets of water dropped from the tail of the Seaking seemed like nectar to the hungry stomachs of the three.

"I know! We should go fishing! I'm too smart, hrhr!" mlugia exclaimed. Behind him, Zangoose and Heracross sweatdropped.

"Hera." (Idiot.)

mlugia began breaking a branch of a tree nearby, and after trying unsuccessfully for five times, finally decided to let Heracross to handle the task. Then, taking out the fishing line and tackle from his backpack, he hooked the apparatus together to make a makeshift fishing rod.

"Ready, set, go!" He yelled as he swing his rod behind him with all his force...

SPLASH!

There was a large splash as a brown object was sent headfirst into the water. Moments later, while mlugia was still trying to figure out what just happened, a splashing Heracross emerged from the water. Zangoose, being the chivalrous assassin that he is, dove into the water and pulled out the Heracross, who looked like a drowned Raticate. Closer examination showed the hook as having hooked onto Heracross's horn, and since the brand of fishing line that mlugia had was from "Steel industries: We guarantee durability or else we'd give you $5 gazillion bucks", the line held on and tossed Heracross into the water.

mlugia, sheepishly, nudged Heracross. "Hey, uh... at least I didn't hook onto your other horn, if you get my drift,"

Zangoose growled and let loose a series of yelps. His pokedex, equipped with a translator function, showed: "What the hell! Horny here doesn't have another horn!"

Grinning, mlugia turned to Heracross. "Don't worry, you're not the only one suffering from erectile dysfunction, Horny," He winked.

"Hera." (Retard.)

Just then, mlugia spotted another pokemon surfacing in the water. "Hey! Lunch!" He yelled and charged at the shape. Unfortunately, forgetting that there was a lake, he fell head first into the water. The shape, startled by the noise, ran away.

"No lunch...." mlugia groaned, as Snorlax decided to pop out of his pokeball.

"ROAR ROAR ROAR" (Is lunch ready yet?)

"Hera!" (No, tubby!)

"Roar. Roar roar." (Damn straight I'm a tubby.)

"Hey, any of you seen a Slowpoke pass by?" A voice came from behind the quartet. mlugia quickly got up and dusted himself.

"Slowpoke?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm looking for one for my team, but I haven't seen any so far," Said the voice, which belonged to a trainer who looked like a 16 year old from the Cerulean Gym, shown by her official Cerulean Gym uniform, which was essentially a blue bathing suit with Cerulean's logo on it. And while mlugia didn't notice, the others did notice that she was filled out in all the right areas. "I heard they populate this lake region."

"Slowpoke... wonder if that tastes any good..." Pondered mlugia while Secksee and Zangoose got nosebleeds and fainted.

"Hera." (Perverts)

"Well, if you haven't seen any, thanks for your time anyways," She said and walked off to hunt for Slowpokes.

"Hey, Slowpokes are sorta tender, right?" mlugia told Heracross, the only pokemon left standing. "Return, Secksee, Gooze, sheesh, you see one hot lady and you faint." He turned to Heracross. "Hey Horny, I didn't know you don't dig ladies," He winked. "Why didn't you tell me you swung that way?"

Hera growled and tackled mlugia. "Hera Hera!" (Shut up already!)

After settling the scuffle, the pair walked along the bank of the lake, peeling their eyes out for anything that might resemble food. Ok, so only mlugia was. Heracross was walking along because she had to. Out of nowhere, mlugia stopped and pointed. "Hey look! That looks like food!"

Indeed, a few feet away lay a branch with a bunch of bananas hanging from it. "Food!" mlugia yelled as he charged towards the banana... only to fall into a hole.

"What the hell?" He exclaimed as he rubbed his sore buttocks. Looking up, he saw a Slowpoke peering down at him. "Hey! Lunch! Wait!" He yelled and tried his hardest to climb back up. Unfortunately, years of being a couch potato caught up to him, and he fell back down again. Slowpoke laughed. "Damnit!" He growled as he called out Snorlax, whose large mass promptly elevated him to the top of the hole. "Whose hole is it anyways?" He wondered as he called Snorlax back. Heracross, staying beside the Slowpoke the entire time, shrugged.

"Hey, what are you doing?" A familiar voice came from behind them. The Cerulean trainer came up behind them. "And what did you do to my hole?"

"Your hole?"

"Yeah! I put it there to attract Slowpokes! But I guess I caught an ugly loser by accident..."

"Ugly loser? Where?" mlugia asked incredulously as he turned around to look.

Hera dropped her head in shame. The Cerulean trainer looked like she was ready to burst. "Oh my god!" She yelled in her valley girl voice. "You're not just ugly, you're stupid too!"

mlugia growled again. In his life he has been called many things. Fat, large, big boned, weird, ugly, uncool, a molester, a peeping tom, a thief, but never an ugly stupid. "You know what, little girl?" He said calmly. "Why don't you put your skills where your mouth is?"

The Cerulean Trainer raised her eyebrow. "You mean stupid people who can't even control his pokemon can battle? I'll gladly take you on! A 1 on 1 battle!"

"Wai wai wai just WAIT a minute here. We need to set the rules. What do I get if I win?" mlugia asked.

"What do you want?" She replied. Thinking a minute, then screamed. "PERVERT!"

"I didn't say anything yet! Don't assume!" mlugia replied, flustered at how this is going. "How's this. I win and you give me lunch for me and my pokemon!"

"Fine, seems like reasonable rules to me," She replied, thinking that she scored a bargain. "If I win, you'd have to give me half your cash!"

"Uh, fine," mlugia replied, snickering inside because he had only $2 left in his wallet.

The two trainers took their respective sides along the beach, and the girl decided to send first. "Go, Golduck!" A beam of red emerged from the pokeball and the blue duck appeared, poised for action.

"Ok, let's pimp that thing, Secksee!" mlugia yelled as he threw his pokeball out as well. Snorlax popped out of the pokeball, and unfortunately for mlugia, sat on the ball, breaking it instantly. "Damnit, that means I need to pay another $200 to replace it. CAN YOU STOP DOING THAT EVERY BATTLE, SECKSEE?" He roared at his Snorlax.

Snorlax grunted in reply. The girl stared. "SH*T! I'm not paying for that Snorlax!" mlugia grinned. "Rules are rules, even if you're from the Cerulean Gym!"

"Fine, but my Goldie is strong! Goldie, let's go with a Hypnosis wave!"

"Blah, Secksee, Body slam!"

Golduck directed its front feet to the jewel in the middle of its head, and fired a psychic beam at Snorlax. Snorlax's figure seemed to distort as the beam surrounded it. Snorlax, meanwhile, had charged full body at the duck, but the wave caused it to slow down, and after a tense 10 seconds, dropped asleep onto the sand.

"Ha! I told you! Duckie! Use your Psychic attack!" The girl yelled confidently. mlugia only smiled from behind his side of the sand.

[mlugia]

Golduck charged up as his jewel glowed white as he sent a beam of light at Snorlax. Suddenly, the air in front of Lax flickered, as a mirror-like screen protected Lax and directed the Beam elsewhere.

"W-What?"

"Ha! That's my secret, little lady!" mlugia yelled smugly to the other side of the arena.

"Ducky! He's cheating somehow! Let's Cross chop the lax to death!"

Golduck crossed its arms in front of its chest as they glowed bright orange, and proceeded to charge at Snorlax at high speed, kicking up a dust cloud behind him.

"Ha! you're going to lose! Cross chop is super effective against Snorlax!" She yelled from the other side of the arena.

Golduck cut through the barrier that surrounded Snorlax, and pounded Snorlax hard on the stomach. Snorlax, while sleeping, glowed red as his stomach bounced, knocking Golduck 10 feet across the sand. Golduck, with scrapes across its skin, was clearly unconscious.

"Damnit!"

"Sleep talking Counter, little miss!" mlugia yelled back, and put on his cool shades again, doing his gangster pose.

"Hera... Hera hera cross..." (Great, we do the work and he thinks he's cool)

"Fine, you've won the battle, here's the food!" She said as she emptied the bag she was carrying. It turned out, to mlugia's dismay, that she only carried healthy food, such as carrots, broccoli and peanuts. Grabbing enough to feed Heracross, he turned his eyes to the stray Slowpoke, who had watched the entire battle and was just sitting by the beach, yawning.

"Slowpoke! What a catch!" The girl exclaimed, as she pulled out a pokeball and prepared to throw it.

Slowpoke looked up at her with a confused look.

"Slowpoke! LUNCH!" mlugia exclaimed.

Slowpoke looked scared, and began to run.

"WAIT! LUNCH!" mlugia yelled. "Horny, Stop him!"

Heracross charged towards the Slowpoke, afraid that the slowpoke would run away... only to find that Slowpoke has advanced a mere 5cm between then and now. The Cerulean trainer yelled "Hey! That's my catch!" She was quickly drowned out by a glare from mlugia.

"Heracross! Tackle the little thing! Tenderize it!" mlugia commanded, his voice betraying his eagerness to obtain lunch. Heracross charges at Slowpoke, who was confused when the big bad bug suddenly appeared in front of it. "Yeah, that's right! Show him you mean business even with that Microsoft problem of yours!" mlugia cheered.

Heracross shot an evil look at mlugia and charges... at him instead. "Sh*t!" mlugia yelled as he ran from the oncoming beetle. "What? What'd I say?!"

Slowpoke, sensing this was his moment to run away, decided to do just that. However, Heracross noticed and quickly stepped into his path again. "Hera! Megahorn that Slowpoke!" mlugia declared.

Slowpoke, paralyzed with fear, could only shudder as he prepared to be impaled by Heracross's large horn. However, due to a miraculous turn of events, the horn barely missed Slowpoke, and Heracross ended up headbutting the poor pink piece of lunch instead, and watched as he landed a few feet away.

"That shoulda done it!" mlugia cheered, but the Slowpoke suddenly got up, fire showing in its eyes. "Oh no!" mlugia gasped, as the Slowpoke prepared to launch his own tackle attack. Slowpoke reared up on its hind legs and shook its front legs like a horse before going back to four legs and charging at Heracross.... slowly.

mlugia watched in hunger and amusement as the Slowpoke charged slowly at Heracross. Amusement turned to confused wondering, which turned into boredom. A good twenty minutes later, Slowpoke connected with Heracross! ... At the speed of 0.005 km/h. Heracross yawned, and held Slowpoke back with her claw.

All the parties present began sweatdropping at the sad sight, but Slowpoke had more up its... uh... tail. Its eyes flashed gold as it tried to use a Confusion attack. That is, it tried to, until it forgot what it was doing and yawned instead.

Sweatdropping, mlugia exclaimed. "Even though it's an error, we can't show mercy to lunch, Horny! Tackle it!" Heracross grunted in agreement as it charged full force... a whole 2cm to connect with the sleeping Slowpoke, knocking it to the far side of an arena.

"Ha, Slowpoke is so weak!" mlugia pumped his fist in the air. "We've won this for sure!"

Slowpoke, getting up, let loose a loud yawn, before sending an invisible wave at Heracross. mlugia shuddered, the last time he felt this way was when he was informed that there was no food left at home. "Psychic! Horny, run!" He yelled to no avail. Heracross was hit head on by the wave, and was staggering around, confused. Slowpoke, on the other hand, sat there and looked confused as well.

"What's wrong with Slowpoke?" The Cerulean trainer asked out loud. "It's like a retard!"

"Are you stupid? Slowpoke just has tendencies to use Amnesia for no reason and forgetting everything!" mlugia replied irritably. "And why're you still there, go away! This is my lunch!"

"Well, I can watch you screw up, can't I?" She huffed.

"Fine! Hera, come on, attack!" mlugia commanded, afraid that Slowpoke might snap out of amnesia any second now. Heracross didn't look very healthy. The fact that it was walking straight towards a tree was surefire proof. "HERACROSS! WATCH OUT FOR THAT-"

*Smack*

"Oh god," mlugia prayed. "I'm being beaten by lunch!" On the positive side, the hitting of the tree seemed to wake Heracross from its confusion, and in pure rage, it charged at the yawning Slowpoke with its claws bared, and repeatedly chopped at the tender body of the lazy pokemon.

"Good, tenderize it with Brick Break!"

The Cerulean Trainer, sensing the demise of the Slowpoke, decided to sneak away, while mlugia picked out a pokeball from his belt, and threw it at Slowpoke...

... Only to find it occupied by Zangoose.

"Wrong one!" mlugia quickly fished out another pokeball.

"Well, time to catch lunch!" he yelled as he threw the pokeball at Slowpoke. The pokeball engulfed the Slowpoke in red light as it began shaking...

"I'm hungry," He declared while waiting.
=============

The end :)

[Jack of Clovers]

Aley is going to grade this story for his Grader Test. so no one else grade it. his grade is unofficial until i reply with my own grade and outcome.
thanks.

~Jack~

[Scorch Ry]

Aleyquala's Story Grade Test
Story: 7/10
The story was okay, except for the point that Slowpoke really didn’t attack much. It was humorous, however, so that helped bring your score up in this part of the grade a tad little bit. Although it was strange to hear how you were translating the pokemon language into human language, it was something new to me.

Detail: 4/10
You had a little description, but I really couldn’t tell where you were. Usually, the first chapters are about describing about your main character, which means giving descriptions. However, I couldn’t exactly interpret by myself what the trainer looks like, since you really didn’t provide any descriptions at all. Try to bring out the details of the trainer, and really describing the settings more. Also, I couldn’t interpret the facials of the Cerulean Trainer, so that helped dragged down this score. Same goes for the nerdy boy. You gave two pieces of information, but try to use better descriptions to bring out the details of all of the people so we can visualize them.

Spelling/Grammar: 5/10
The spelling/grammar wasn't good at all. But, some things questioned my mind. Most people who write stories stick with present or past tense. However, you managed to switch up, making me wonder if this DID happen or was IT HAPPENING right now. There were a few run-on sentences, where you could have divided them up into two sentences. Also, you used the word AS a lot, which really questioned me also. Try not to use that word much in the same sentence because it wouldn’t sound right, plus it would be annoying to read in the same sentence/line.

Another thing that dragged down your score was the fact that you didn’t capitalize your trainer’s name. The name “mlugia” should have been capitalized to “Mlugia” because that name is a noun. A noun is a person, place or thing, and according to my authorities, MLugia is a noun. This dragged down your score because whenever you used this name, it wasn’t capitalized. But, you didn’t capitalize it in the beginning of your sentence. Keep this in mind whenever you are spelling a person’s name. Also capitalize it. And please, don’t use “()” symbols in your writing. If the trainer is thinking, put quotation marks and have the trainer talk in his mind. And make sure to describe everyone correctly, including the nerdy boy. And make sure to capitalize names, including the Pidgey that Zangoose beat up. ^_^. Also, keep in mind to spell numbers out. Never put “2”. Always spell the number out. Putting the number shows laziness and it looks unprofessional.

Battle: 5/10
The battle wasn’t good. Slowpoke, nor Heracross, gave too many attacks to one another. Even though Heracross takes the advantage, Slowpoke could have used its psychic attacks to stop Heracross. Whenever you are writing about a pokemon battle, both pokemon have to get in there and battle their hardest. From my calculations, you were comparing the Slowpoke anime to the Slowpoke in your story. Slowpoke tried to attack, but didn’t but two attacks in, which is just horrible. Try to bring out the battle more. Make sure that Slowpoke gets more attacks in, along with that Heracross of Mlugia’s. And the battle between Golduck and Snorlax was short also. And Golduck using Cross Chop?! Even the trainer should have questioned this to the Nameless Cerulean Trainer.

Length: 7/10
The length was okay, although lots of descriptions would have helped improve this grade. It was okay for the first time, since this was your first story grade. Make sure to add more battle moves and descriptions to improve this section.

Outcome: *Rounding* 30/50 = 60/100
Slowpoke: Not Captured (A Story Test, so wait for Lil_Lep’s real grade).

[mlugia]

Clarification:

mlugia does not plan to, nor will ever capitalize the M in mlugia, despite violating grammatical rules or not (and yes, I know I violated it)

[Scorch Ry]

Well, maybe if you would have gave the trainer a better name, then explained his nickname, that would have been better. But, names are to be capitalized. It wouldn't hurt to capitalize it...it would have improved your grade. But, I'm not Grader yet: Lil_Lep will give out the real grade.

[mlugia]

Clarification #2:

mlugia => my username
Reason: because it's my username ._.

and Capitalization:
AIM chat:
Black Dark Absol: It looks better as mLugia, or Mana : /

MLugia looks ugly. I rest my case '_'

[Jack of Clovers]

story:
cooking up Pokemon as food, that is so wrong it made me sick to read it. ew! interesting story, your character is hungry and some parts were funny.

grammer:
yes, the whole past/present tense is confusing. pick one, not both. the easiest form for writers is to go in past tense but whichever you prefer is you choice.
capitalization of names is important. by not capitalizing Mlugia, the reader denounces your credibility as an author. you don't want readers to think about grammer errors when reading you name everytime, it distracts from the story. i know it's your name, but if you want the respect from readers, either use caps or change the name.

detail:
what does your character look like? you did mention some features like he's a little on the heavy side and the way he looks 'cool' with shades. but you need to describe characters at the first time they are introduced or you confuse the reader because they imagine one character then when you finally describe it later, the character they thought of is still in there head whereas your character is on paper. description is key to all stories. another example, setting. you need to point out where this is taking place right away. the more detail you give sooner, the less confused a reader is later on.

battle:
i loved it, hilarious! Slowpoke aren't fast battlers, the Pokedex and Anime show that. you manage to create an interesting battle. however, it is sided to your favor the whole time. maybe you should have the Cerulean Trainer send out another of her Pokemon....

realty:
"Suddenly, all three pokemon caught sight of a Seaking jumping over the water." when you wrote this sentence, you had Snorlax returned so it should only be two, not all three.
the Snorlax/Golduck battle seemed weird to me.
other than those, good.

tips:
DETAIL! also, improve the capture battle for Slowpoke to not be so one-sided. maybe make this Slowpoke a stronger Pokemon...? you were close but the detail and battle didn't add up.

Outcome- Slowpoke Not Captured!

as for aleyquala, you pass. welcome aboard. go out and grade stories.

~Jack~

[mlugia]

Edit version!

M. sighed. This just isn't his day. Despite having a Snorlax, Heracross and Zangoose around his belt, he has yet to be able to catch any pokemon. His last battle, against a pidgey, had resulted in Zangoose accidental overpowering his slash, ending the life of the poor pidgey. Not wanting to have the poor bird go to waste, M. ended up having to roast it over a fire, and made a satisfying lunch out of it.

A young man of 17, M. graduated from the local High School being voted the most likely to deplete the world of food, and his waistline was proof. On the chubby side, M. doesn't exercise, and while he is of average height, his size makes him look more like a barrel from afar. Sporting a brand new baseball cap over his black hair, with asian blood flowing in his veins, he was ready to take on the world... Until he realized he was still in Viridian Forest.

Unfortunately, still no catch nor food. He yawned, it was a nice day after all. The sun was shining through the canopy of the Viridian forest, the birds were chirping, and M. was still hungry. And it just so happens that the pidgey hadn't done anything to fill him up. Fish sounded good. As long as it wasn't a damn Magikarp again. The last time he caught one a horde of Gyarados rose up from the lake and began attacking him. Luckily for him, some nerdy kid complete with glasses and checkered dress shirt (who, according to M., seemed a little... furry? Too much hair on that thick head of his anyways.) who just started with a Bulbasaur wanted to test his merit, and so he had left the kid to fight Gyaradoses alone.

"Ha ha, sucker," He chuckled as he recalled that incident. No doubt the kid and his Bulbasaur are now digesting in the stomach of the Gyarados by now. Speaking of stomach, his stomach growled again, notifying its owner that it, like Secksee the Snorlax, is still hungry. "I'm hungry," He told Secksee, who snored in reply. "Damnit, remind me never to talk to you about anything again. Return, Secksee."

M. opened up his bag and looked in, there was only half a can of minced Milotic in BBQ sauce left. Not the best lunch. He took the can out and threw it away, it was molding. He trudged along the leafy path to Pewter City, wanting to get as quickly as possible to the next Pokemon Centre. "God damn, the only place Starbucks haven't set up stores in and I HAD to be here."

A few minutes later, he found himself at the edge of a small lake. The sun shining on the tranquil waters caused M. to go blind. "@#$@#$," he cursed, and found his pair of sunglasses. "Oh yeah, now I look cool," He said as he did a gangster pose. Behind him, Heracross scratched her head.

"Zan, Zangooooo" (Don't worry, he's gay like that) Zangoose explained.

"Hera! Cross Hera hera cross!" (Great, of all the ******* trainers I had to have...)

Suddenly, the trio caught sight of a Seaking jumping over the water. The droplets of water dropped from the tail of the Seaking seemed like nectar to the hungry stomachs of the three.

"I know! We should go fishing! I'm too smart, hrhr!" M. exclaimed. Behind him, Zangoose and Heracross sweatdropped.

"Hera." (Idiot.)

M. began breaking a branch of a tree nearby, and after trying unsuccessfully for five times, finally decided to let Heracross to handle the task. Then, taking out the fishing line and tackle from his backpack, he hooked the apparatus together to make a makeshift fishing rod.

"Ready, set, go!" He yelled as he swing his rod behind him with all his force...

SPLASH!

There was a large splash as a brown object was sent headfirst into the water. Moments later, while M. was still trying to figure out what just happened, a splashing Heracross emerged from the water. Zangoose, being the chivalrous assassin that he is, dove into the water and pulled out the Heracross, who looked like a drowned Raticate. Closer examination showed the hook as having hooked onto Heracross's horn, and since the brand of fishing line that M. had was from "Steel industries: We guarantee durability or else we'd give you $5 gazillion bucks", the line held on and tossed Heracross into the water.

M., sheepishly, nudged Heracross. "Hey, uh... at least I didn't hook onto your other horn, if you get my drift,"

Zangoose growled and let loose a series of yelps. His pokedex, equipped with a translator function, showed: "What the hell! Horny here doesn't have another horn!"

Grinning, M. turned to Heracross. "Don't worry, you're not the only one suffering from erectile dysfunction, Horny," He winked.

"Hera." (Retard.)

Just then, M. spotted another pokemon surfacing in the water. "Hey! Lunch!" He yelled and charged at the shape. Unfortunately, forgetting that there was a lake, he fell head first into the water. The shape, startled by the noise, ran away.

"No lunch...." M. groaned, as Snorlax decided to pop out of his pokeball.

[mlugia]

"ROAR ROAR ROAR" (Is lunch ready yet?)

"Hera!" (No, tubby!)

"Roar. Roar roar." (Damn straight I'm a tubby.)

"Hey, any of you seen a Slowpoke pass by?" A voice came from behind the quartet. M. quickly got up and dusted himself.

"Slowpoke?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm looking for one for my team, but I haven't seen any so far," Said the voice, which belonged to a trainer who looked like a 16 year old from the Cerulean Gym, shown by her official Cerulean Gym uniform, which was essentially a blue bathing suit with Cerulean's logo on it. She had a swimming cap over her head and goggles hung around her neck, and M. assumed that the rest of her clothing would probably be in the red backpack she was carrying. And while M. didn't notice, the others did notice that she was filled out in all the right areas. "I heard they populate this lake region."

"Slowpoke... wonder if that tastes any good..." Pondered M. while Secksee and Zangoose got nosebleeds and fainted.

"Hera." (Perverts)

"Well, if you haven't seen any, thanks for your time anyways," She said and walked off to hunt for Slowpokes.

"Hey, Slowpokes are sorta tender, right?" M. told Heracross, the only pokemon left standing. "Return, Secksee, Gooze, sheesh, you see one hot lady and you faint." He turned to Heracross. "Hey Horny, I didn't know you don't dig ladies," He winked. "Why didn't you tell me you swung that way?"

Hera growled and tackled M.. "Hera Hera!" (Shut up already!)

After settling the scuffle, the pair walked along the bank of the lake, peeling their eyes out for anything that might resemble food. Ok, so only M. was. Heracross was walking along because she had to. Out of nowhere, M. stopped and pointed. "Hey look! That looks like food!"

Indeed, a few feet away lay a branch with a bunch of bananas hanging from it. "Food!" M. yelled as he charged towards the banana... only to fall into a hole.

"What the hell?" He exclaimed as he rubbed his sore buttocks. Looking up, he saw a Slowpoke peering down at him. "Hey! Lunch! Wait!" He yelled and tried his hardest to climb back up. Unfortunately, years of being a couch potato caught up to him, and he fell back down again. Slowpoke laughed. "Damnit!" He growled as he called out Snorlax, whose large mass promptly elevated him to the top of the hole. "Whose hole is it anyways?" He wondered as he called Snorlax back. Heracross, staying beside the Slowpoke the entire time, shrugged.

"Hey, what are you doing?" A familiar voice came from behind them. The Cerulean trainer came up behind them. "And what did you do to my hole?"

"Your hole?"

"Yeah! I put it there to attract Slowpokes! But I guess I caught an ugly loser by accident..."

"Ugly loser? Where?" M. asked incredulously as he turned around to look.

Hera dropped her head in shame. The Cerulean trainer looked like she was ready to burst. "Oh my god!" She yelled in her valley girl voice. "You're not just ugly, you're stupid too!"

M. growled again. In his life he has been called many things. Fat, large, big boned, weird, ugly, uncool, a molester, a peeping tom, a thief, but never an ugly stupid. "You know what, little girl?" He said calmly. "Why don't you put your skills where your mouth is?"

The Cerulean Trainer raised her eyebrow. "You mean stupid people who can't even control his pokemon can battle? I'll gladly take you on! A 1 on 1 battle!" Her brown eyes filled with anticipation and excitement of winning another battle for her gym.

"Wai wai wai just WAIT a minute here. We need to set the rules. What do I get if I win?" M. asked.

"What do you want?" She replied. Thinking a minute, then screamed. "PERVERT!"

"I didn't say anything yet! Don't assume!" M. replied, flustered at how this is going. "How's this. I win and you give me lunch for me and my pokemon!"

"Fine, seems like reasonable rules to me," She replied, thinking that she scored a bargain. "If I win, you'd have to give me half your cash!"

"Uh, fine," M. replied, snickering inside because he had only two bucks left in his wallet.

The two trainers took their respective sides along the beach, and the girl decided to send first. "Go, Golduck!" A beam of red emerged from the pokeball and the blue duck appeared, poised for action.

"Ok, let's pimp that thing, Secksee!" M. yelled as he threw his pokeball out as well. Snorlax popped out of the pokeball, and unfortunately for M., sat on the ball, breaking it instantly. "Damnit, that means I need to pay another $200 to replace it. CAN YOU STOP DOING THAT EVERY BATTLE, SECKSEE?" He roared at his Snorlax.

Snorlax grunted in reply. The girl stared. "SH*T! I'm not paying for that Snorlax!" M. grinned. "Rules are rules, even if you're from the Cerulean Gym!"

"Fine, but my Goldie is strong! Goldie, let's go with a Hypnosis wave!"

"Blah, Secksee, Body slam!"

Golduck directed its front feet to the jewel in the middle of its head, and fired a psychic beam at Snorlax. Snorlax's figure seemed to distort as the beam surrounded it. Snorlax, meanwhile, had charged full body at the duck, but the wave caused it to slow down, and after a tense 10 seconds, dropped asleep onto the sand.

"Ha! I told you! Duckie! Use your Psychic attack!" The girl yelled confidently. M. only smiled from behind his side of the sand.

Golduck charged up as his jewel glowed white as he sent a beam of light at Snorlax. Suddenly, the air in front of Lax flickered, as a mirror-like screen protected Lax and directed the Beam elsewhere.

"W-What?"

"Ha! That's my secret, little lady!" M. yelled smugly to the other side of the arena.

"Ducky! He's cheating somehow! Let's Cross chop the lax to death!"

Golduck crossed its arms in front of its chest as they glowed bright orange, and proceeded to charge at Snorlax at high speed, kicking up a dust cloud behind him.

"Ha! you're going to lose! Cross chop is super effective against Snorlax!" She yelled from the other side of the arena.

Golduck cut through the barrier that surrounded Snorlax, and pounded Snorlax hard on the stomach. Snorlax, while sleeping, glowed red as his stomach bounced, knocking Golduck 10 feet across the sand. Golduck, with scrapes across its skin, was clearly unconscious.

"Damnit!"

"Sleep talking Counter, little miss!" M. yelled back, and put on his cool shades again, doing his gangster pose.

"Hera... Hera hera cross..." (Great, we do the work and he thinks he's cool)

"Fine, you've won the battle, here's the food!" She said as she emptied the bag she was carrying. It turned out, to M.'s dismay, that she only carried healthy food, such as carrots, broccoli and peanuts. Grabbing enough to feed Heracross, he turned his eyes to the stray Slowpoke, who had watched the entire battle and was just sitting by the beach, yawning.

"Slowpoke! What a catch!" The girl exclaimed, as she pulled out a pokeball and prepared to throw it.

Slowpoke looked up at her with a confused look.

"Slowpoke! LUNCH!" M. exclaimed.

Slowpoke looked scared, and began to run.

"WAIT! LUNCH!" M. yelled. "Horny, Stop him!"

Heracross charged towards the Slowpoke, afraid that the slowpoke would run away... only to find that Slowpoke has advanced a mere 5cm between then and now. The Cerulean trainer yelled "Hey! That's my catch!" She was quickly drowned out by a glare from M..

"Heracross! Tackle the little thing! Tenderize it!" M. commanded, his voice betraying his eagerness to obtain lunch. Heracross charges at Slowpoke, who was confused when the big bad bug suddenly appeared in front of it. "Yeah, that's right! Show him you mean business even with that Microsoft problem of yours!" M. cheered.

Heracross shot an evil look at M. and charges... at him instead. "Sh*t!" M. yelled as he ran from the oncoming beetle. "What? What'd I say?!"

Slowpoke, sensing this was her moment to run away, decided to do just that. However, Heracross noticed and quickly stepped into his path again. "Hera! Megahorn that Slowpoke!" M. declared.

Slowpoke, paralyzed with fear, could only shudder as she prepared to be impaled by Heracross's large horn. However, due to a miraculous turn of events, the horn barely missed Slowpoke, and Heracross ended up headbutting the poor pink piece of lunch instead, and watched as he landed a few feet away.

"That shoulda done it!" M. cheered, but the Slowpoke suddenly got up, fire showing in her eyes. "Oh no!" M. gasped, as the Slowpoke prepared to launch her own tackle attack. Slowpoke reared up on her hind legs and shook its front legs like a horse before going back to four legs and charging at Heracross.... slowly.

M. watched in hunger and amusement as the Slowpoke charged slowly at Heracross. Amusement turned to confused wondering, which turned into boredom. A good twenty minutes later, Slowpoke connected with Heracross! ... At the speed of 0.005 km/h. Heracross yawned, and held Slowpoke back with her claw.

All the parties present began sweatdropping at the sad sight, but Slowpoke had more up its... uh... tail. Its eyes flashed gold as it tried to use a Confusion attack. That is, it tried to, until it forgot what it was doing and yawned instead.

Sweatdropping, M. exclaimed. "Even though it's an error, we can't show mercy to lunch, Horny! Tackle it!" Heracross grunted in agreement as it charged full force... a whole 2cm to connect with the sleeping Slowpoke, knocking it to the far side of an arena.

"Ha, Slowpoke is so weak!" M. pumped his fist in the air. "We've won this for sure!"

Slowpoke, getting up, let loose a loud yawn, before sending an invisible wave at Heracross. M. shuddered, the last time he felt this way was when he was informed that there was no food left at home. "Psychic! Horny, run!" He yelled to no avail. Heracross was hit head on by the wave, and was staggering around, confused. Slowpoke, on the other hand, sat there and looked confused as well.

[mlugia]

"What's wrong with Slowpoke?" The Cerulean trainer asked out loud. "It's like a retard!"

"Are you stupid? Slowpoke just has tendencies to use Amnesia for no reason and forgetting everything!" M. replied irritably. "And why're you still there, go away! This is my lunch!"

"Well, I can watch you screw up, can't I?" She huffed.

"Fine! Hera, come on, attack!" M. commanded, afraid that Slowpoke might snap out of amnesia any second now. Heracross didn't look very healthy. The fact that it was walking straight towards a tree was surefire proof. "HERACROSS! WATCH OUT FOR THAT-"

*Smack*

"Oh god," M. prayed. "I'm being beaten by lunch!" On the positive side, the hitting of the tree seemed to wake Heracross from its confusion, and in pure rage, it charged at the yawning Slowpoke with its claws bared, and repeatedly chopped at the tender body of the lazy pokemon.

"Good, tenderize it with Brick Break!"

The Cerulean Trainer, sensing the demise of the Slowpoke, yelled, "Hey! Not fair! Shellder, go help!" She threw a pokeball from her bag, and out emerged a Shellder, its tongue sticking out as if taunting Heracross. "Shellder! Bite Slowpoke's tail!"

Shellder acknowledged the move, and pounced at the tail of the Slowpoke. Latching on, both Shellder and Slowpoke began glowing, while a surprised Heracross took a few steps backwards.

"Horny, watch out! It's evolving!" M. cautioned his pokemon. Sure enough, when the glow faded, in its place was a Slowbro, complete with a larger shell on its tail. "Crap, Heracross! Be careful!"

Slowbro, using her newfound almost-intelligence, dove into the water to try to gain some time. Heracross chased after it, but stopped at the edge, already deathly afraid of water since the last encounter with it. "Heracross, what's the problem? Look harder!" M. commanded, and Heracross did try, to no avail.

Suddenly, a ripple emerged from the lake, and Slowbro's head popped out of the water, looking confused. "Heracross! Now! Megahorn!" Heracross backtracked a few steps to gain momentum, and began to charge... only to have her body stop halfway. Slowbro, with a hypnotic look in its eyes, managed to disable the Megahorn attack, leaving Heracross weak. It climbed back up to the beach, and with M. watching worriedly, let out a mighty and loud yawn.

M. sweatdropped. "Was that... supposed to be a roar?" Meanwhile, the Cerulean Trainer seemed to be enjoying herself, watching the newbie get defeated by the Slowbro.

Slowbro stomped her legs down on the dirt, and after drawing in a large gulp of air, spit out a cannon of water at the shivering Heracross squarely on its shell. "Heracross! Try to move!" Heracross, despite hearing the command, was too weak, and could only flap its wings.

"Damnit, return!" M. cursed. "Go Zangoose!" In a flash, the white mongoose type pokemon emerged from its pokeball, his claws sharp and ready to turn any of his opponents into sushi. "Zangoose, I'll leave it up to you! You know what to do!"

Zangoose nodded in agreement, and prepared to face the Slowbro. The two eyed each other, Zangoose's narrowed his eyes, calculating what Slowbro was going to do. Meanwhile, Slowbro's mind was working as well, wondering what was better for lunch, seaweed or bananas.

Zangoose, sensing doubt in Slowbro's mind, started with a Double team, quickly creating many identical images of the pokemon. Slowbro, however, wasn't fazed at all. Closing her eyes to concentrate, she quickly unleashed a powerful wave of psychic energy around her, spreading through the battlefield like the ripple in the water after dropping a pebble into it. The wave struck each and every one of Zangoose's clones, making them fade away. Zangoose, however, had set up a detect beforehand, and escaped unscathed. Slowbro, a little annoyed at having missed Zangoose, issued a growl, knocking Zangoose off his feet and back a few steps.

"Damnit, it's actually intelligent! Dance, Zangoose, dance!"

Zangoose purred as he sharpened its claws, and began to spin around at high speed, kicking up a cloud of dust around him. Slowbro, trying to stop the dance, quickly fired off squirts of water gun, which missed Zangoose. Angered, Slowbro frowned before trying again, this time firing off all the squirts in one continous cannon of water. The cannon flew right at Zangoose, striking him in the chest and knocking him off stride. Zangoose, suffering damage due to his low defenses, decided that a good defense was a potent offense.

"Charge at him! Slash!" Zangoose obliged, and with his paws trailing behind him, charged at the Slowbro. Slowbro, sensing danger, immediately tried to withdraw into his shell. While the shell was nowhere large enough, the odd sight of the Slowbro trying to withdraw did slow Zangoose down...

...Just enough for Slowbro to fire off another Psychic wave, squarely hitting Zangoose on the nose. "CRAP! Zangoose! SLASH IT NOW!" Zangoose, weak as it is, summoned all his energy to charge again, only to be hit by Slowbro's psychic powers, disabling the Slash and crippling Zangoose's main arsenal. "Damn! What can we do now?" M. exclaimed out loud. Suddenly coming to a realization, M. slammed his right fist into his left palm. "Snap! I know! Zangoose, flail!"

Zangoose, now barely able to move, summoned up the courage and tried one last time to charge at the Slowbro with his claws bared. Slowbro growled, and closed her eyes to focus and try to disable Zangoose. However, Zangoose, at the mercy of the previous disable, was unaffected, and kicked up a large sand cloud around the Slowbro and him. In a bright flash of light and the sound of a loud blow resonating throughout the arena, it was clear that a victor has been decided. The dust settled, yet both pokemon were still standing, with Zangoose panting like it was his funeral.

"Shellder! Return!" Said the Cerulean Trainer, holding out her pokeball.

"Wha? But Shellder was with Slowbro!" M. protested, only to see the Shell on Slowbro glow red before being sent back to the pokeball.

"Silly loser, isn't it obvious Shellder has been sprayed with De-evolution spray beforehand?" She laughed, and walked back into the forest.

Slowpoke, who had de-evolved, was in rough form, with cuts everywhere, she started to tip over, and M. took out a pokeball from his belt. "Pokeball, GO!"

... Only to find it occupied by Heracross.

"Wrong one!" M. quickly fished out another pokeball.

"Well, time to catch lunch!" he yelled as he threw the pokeball at Slowpoke. The pokeball engulfed the Slowpoke in red light as it began shaking...

"I'm hungry," He declared while waiting.
========

The end. I tried making Slowpoke more battle worthy this time round, but it's still a slowpoke at the time of capture :D

[Scorch Ry]

Story: 9/10 Yes, yes, yes! This is the kind of story I like reading! You described things better and actually make Slowpoke intelligent! Great job!

Spelling/Grammar: 8/10
A few minor mistakes; nothing really to mention about.

Details: 8/10
The details were alot better than what I read from last time. Just make sure to describe whatever you can because a few parts just needed a bit more description in a few more places.

Length: 8/10
The length was better, which brought this part up a number. ^_^

Battle: 8/10
I actually enjoyed this battle! You made Slowpoke/Slowbro seem slow, yet intelligent which I like. This was one better than before, so keep it up kid! ^_^

{Outcome: 41/50 = 82/100} *Slowpoke: Captured*