New lands, new challenges (Ready for grade)

[Tamer Marco]

"Why me?!" I sobbed. I dashed twoards my room and locked the door. I buried my head into my pillow and cried my heart out. Footsteps began to come near my door. I knew it was my evil mother and father. A large bang hit the door. This jolted my senses and I knew that they would be in soon. "James, it's inevitable, lets get this over with!" a man's voice bellowed as the banging on the door got louder. "Don't make me force you!" he replied ignoring the the cries and wails going on in the small room. "I'll give you until the count of three James. I want you out and to get into the car. "One." the man taunted. "Two." The little boys heart began beat faster than anyone would ever think possible. It heard as he got ten minutes of heart beats into one second. "Three." The door slammed open falling off of it's hinges and onto the floor with a loud bang. A tall man in a black Team Rocket was in the doorway. "It's time." he said ruthlessly. He walked twoards the boy in terror and grabbed him. The little boy kicked and screamed sobbing all the way, as he was brought into the car and the screaming boy didn't scream anymore. All he did was look out the window and knew that life would never be the same again.



TO BE CONTINUED....

[Agent Orange]

Realy awesome beggining, I get dibs on grading it.

*Puts hand in poket*


DIBS I SAY!

[Tamer Marco]

Thanks even though I know it's kinda sucky.





CHAPTER ONE:Inintiation








Right now I thought the coldest thing in the world was the world itself. I was captured. I couldn't believe it. After everything I did, all the days without sleep I prayed and planned that there would be a way without death to get out of my nightmare. The car sped up about ten miles per hour way over the speed limit. I hated him dearly but I would hate to see any soul go to the dark depths of prison. "Da... dad I think your going to fast." my mouse voice squeaked. "You might wannna slow down just a bit. My father ignored my advice and continued to drive but only speeding up the car. It was now over seventy and and I began to tremble in the leather seats. Beads of sweat arched down my brown forehead and I stared out the window. We were on the outskirts of the city called Florissant which was French for "flowers". We were going much too fast for a crowded intersection. We wizzed by two houses seeing children playing and smiling with glee. The boy James sighed. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to do things that a normal child did. Like run through the sprinklers on a hot summer day, play kick the can with his friends. Even get chased by the neighbourhood Bulldog that would rip you to shreds if you didn't scatter away into your house. All these thoughts made the child even more upset. He was like a rat in a cage, bundled up with a small view. No open spaces no place to be free and yourself. Right now this SUV felt like hell. "May I turn on the radio dad?" I said. Music might of calmed my spirit. Right now I felt like a piece of crap, and a toothache would make me smile. "Go ahead." the evil man said coldly. The boy began to wonder if he was switched at birth and demons became his new parents. I turned on the radio and flipped stations. There was country music, a music artist called Limp Biscuit and a rapper named 50 Cent rapping a song called 21 Questions.



OOC: Sorry gotta go.
OOC: That was the worst possible time to clean your room huh? :P




IC: I had a big question for my father. How did he join Team Rocket? My loving dad was actually the heartless excecutive of Rocket. I shivered at the ice cold thought. As how much I tried to deny it it slammed into my face with a devastating blow. I didn't want to belive it but sooner or later the truth would be revealed. The car halted to a stop and if it wasn't for my seatbelt I would of went straight through the windshield. "Lets go." the man said. He grabbed me by the arm and walked me into a large facility. I had no idea this was an airport. He made the arrangements and we boarded the plane. The long flight was about four hours but it seemed like a utter eternity. The father didn't speak a word on the plane nor the son. They ate dried peanuts and drunk the leziure (at least on a plane) which was half of a soda in what seemed as a small Salad dressing cup.I got the window seat and the beautiful clouds somehow magically rid me of my stress. I wished I could live in the sky. It seemed peaceful, and holy as something was guarding it and each day he would make these clouds for our amusement and happiness when it was the gloomiest of days. After the six hour ride halted to a stop most people boarded off the plane. As we boarded off the loud intercom said: We are now in Slateport City, Hoenn. Our next stop is Orre, The Under." If you were scheduled for a different flight please consult the captain before we take off. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed your flight." *Beep* and the woman's voice was gone. I walked through the tube with the demon which was my father and when we excited the large tube filled with people we stood before the beautiful Metropolis which was Slateport City. "Follow me." my father said. He darted off like a Suicune into Route 110. I followed him as his instructions ordered. We wizzed pass angry bystanders that shouted and looked at us as if we had seen a ghost. We went through the seemingly endless tall grass with a small river overflowing on it's banks. I saw a small island with a large treehouse ontop. "We're here." my father said. He tossed out a red and white ball into the river. A red light that formed a squid like creature emerged. The ball thrusted into my father's left hand. The red light formed into a blue and a tired looking Tentacreul emerged. "Creul." it said almost like it was yawning. "Yeah." I thought. "The way it kills it's prey is creul. Binding torturing, and then kill." I thought hatefully. My father grabbed my hand tightly as if he was the Tentacreul and jumped onto the creature sending me with him. We bounced on the jelly creature and as if it was programmed into it's brain it swam to the island shore. My father called Tentacreul back into his ball and we traveled twoards the tree which was a few feet away. There was a ladder, and a small hole could be seen in the tree's right middle. "Climb." he said. He grabed the wooden stepping stone and with ease climbed to the top. I did the same. I wanted to run, I wanted to scream but I knew there would be intense concequenses. My father walked inside the tiny hole -head first, the torso and legs. I did the same in the same way. A large house was made into this tree. In school I learned that this is a Secret Base, popular in Hoenn but very foriegn in Kanto, The Orange Islands, Jhoto and Orre. The place was very large in size and there were several men. One in a white coat spoke up. "Is this your son Koichi?" I wondered why he called my dad by his last name. "Yes." my dad replied breaking me of thought. "He's a fiesty one but I can handle him." I shivered at the thought of what he meant. "Then let the initiation begin!" he said. "Initiation?!" my voice shirieked.




[To Be Continued]

[Tamer Marco]

Chapter Two: Face destiny








Suddenly I knew what the man in the white coat meant. My name would no longer be James Koichi, it would be Rocket Grunt James. I shivered at the thought. I looked at the men. All with solemn expressions on thier faces, dull looking. They had on Team Rocket Uniforms even the man in the white coat. I turned to my dad. He didn't look like the same person, instead more like them. I didn't want to grow up being like those freaks. "Is there another way to do this?" my petit voice cowered. "No." the man's voice bellowed echoing through the entire secret base. "It's time." my father said. He escorted me to a room following the other Team Rocket men. In a few short moments I found myself in a well lit room with a large feast and many other luxuries. A stage was at the far north of the room with a microphone and what looked like a hi-tech Baptismal Pool, except it was closed shut. Even though this place seemed very warm and comforting there was a cold dark demonic aurora all-throughout the room. My legs began to feel like Gelatin even though I wasn't very tired. I knew why. Finally, once again the man in the white coat spoke up once again. "Eat friends, this is a glorious day! Another member in Team Rocket shall be born and our quest in exploiting pokemon shall prevail!" "Pfftt..." I said. "These weirdo's will never make me obey. The startled men exchanged glances of what I said. My father scowled at me and clenched my hand tightly. "Maybe we should start the process now little wretch." the man in the coat said. "Excellent." my father said. "He walked me up stage and placed me into the high-tech Baptismal Pool. He shut the door and the air suddenly was sucked right out of me. I began to breathe heavily ruining the air I had. I knew I wouldn't survive what was going to happen if I breathed like that. I heard the flip of the switch and I was shocked by a jolt of electricity. "Sorry son, but this is what happens if you refuse Team Rocket." my father said. His voice came clear through this high tech... thing. The shock waves began to intensify each and every second and I screamed. I never felt so much pain in my entire life. Two tiny tiny mechanical arms came out of the sides of the thing. They were metal but even smaller that a swab stick. The things jammed into my ears and worked thier was to a mushy material. My brain began to hurt because that was what they were after! Then it stopped and the pain went away. The airless coffin opened up and a last jolt of electricity shocked me. I fainted like someone knowing thier going die in twenty four hours. Soon I woke up. I was in a nice comfy chair sitting in front of a mirror. "Wha, what happened?" I thought. I stared at the mirror. I had on a black hat. I quickly stood up. I had on... a black Team Rocket suit. "NOOOOO!" I screamed in horror. I was now one of the wicked men which were apart of Team Rocket...




[To Be continued...]

[Tamer Marco]

Chapter Three:The truth may hurt you




I stared at myself for at least five minutes in the mirror that seemed to be mocking me. My shirt was long-sleeved with a large R in the middle. My pants seemed to be in Kacki form but they also were the color black. And my hat. Now the thing that was covering my bushy hair was an black foriegn looking hat with a small button on top. A hand touched my black cap and spoke. "Don't worry we didn't harm you." I was startled by the presense of the man. ''Then what did you do?!" I screamed. I tried my best to hold back the tears. "Tell me! What did you do?!" "TELL ME NOW!" "You creeps rape me from my home, family and friends, you pretend like this is a friendly organization while it's hell in a cell, and now you dress me up in your crap and shock me to near death and put me in front of this damn mirror!" James had never talked like that. The tears were unbearable as they came out like a flooding river. The man hesitated for a split second after hearing ten-year old talk so forcefully to an adult. The man sat down in the chair I woke up from. "Okay..." the man mumbled. "This organization is run by a secret operative in seclusion. The only information we have is that his name is Giovanni he is the secret behind the pokemon Mewtwo and he was the former gym leader in Viridian city. Also, we believe he fell in love in a woman somewhere in Pallet Town. "Enough about him!" I said. "Why am I here and why is my dad here too! Why is anyone here?!" "I don't know..." he said. "But I do know what they did to you. "What?!" I said in shock. They amplified your brain waves to follow what Team Rocket operatives say without question.
'So i'm a slave right? I said nastily glaring at him. "Yes he said solemnly. "Thanks for telling the boy." the man in the lab coat said. Now we get to put him with the other children. He grabbed me buy the shirt and walked east. Soon we were at the door. He opened it and tossed me in. "Watch it!" a boy said. "Ah... what happened." I thought. I slowly rubbed my head and looked up. Dozen's of children were locked up in this place. Hungry, smelly all the the things that a prisoner is. "What's going on here!" I thought.

[Tamer Marco]

Oops, I left this story a bit too long. Forgot about it. Anyway, lets see if I can make a capture. ^^


Chapter Four: Deal


I really couldn't believe it. Team Rocket sunk to a big low for brainwashing me. But putting me in a room along with dozens of children!? That was insane. I looked at the hungry children. They smelt like the inside of a mans armpit, they were so skinny. Eyes sunken, with barren looks on thier faces. "Why did you let them do this to you!" I screamed. "You could fight back and get free!" The children stared at me like I lost it on the first five minutes. A boy finally spoke up after the short silence and glances. "Well, were kinda tied up here and we don't have any food or pokemon to break free." "If we did we would we out by know wouldn't we?" he said rolling his eyes. I knew he was right. It was hopeless, utterly hopeless. We couldn't escape through that steel doors, and with the implanted mircrochips inside of us they could tell us easily to stay in the room for the rest of our lives and we would have to obey. I wasn't going to give up on my optimizum yet though. "There's still a way!" I pleaded. "They maybe just trying to scare us. "Thos emplants could be pieces of plastic for all I care!" I reached for my neck and felt the tiny chip. Using my index finger, along with my thumb I ripped it off. I finally understood. Team Rocket was all about fear. The shock treament was real. But the tiny microchips weren't. "Rip off the chips!" I said. "Think about this. If these things were real they could of easily used them on pokemon and had thier own army of them by now!" Some of the children grunted approvingly and slowly rippped them off. Tiny pieces of plastic dropped to the floor and the barren faces slowly became more happy. The children were filled with glee. "Now lets get Rocket!" I said. "I''m in!" a voice said. "Me too." a female said behind most of the kids. "Soon all of them began to all say it. Some were afraid but they would tag along. "Now lets break this door down and get out of the secret base!" All of us rammed at the door. Punching it. Doing everything in our power to get free. One by one the children rammed out the door. Loud klunks hit the door and they began to get louder and louder. Soon enough the door was off the first hinge. We continued to ram it. We were tired and hungry but our will kept us going. Then the smallest boy in the entire room took a chance. He zoomed at the door and rammed it with all his might. The door crumbled and fell to the ground. We all ran out the room in joy and happiness. We were really getting out. We wizzed by Team Rocket executives and they chased us. Our adrenaline pumped harder than anyone in the entire world at the moment. To the naked eye were were nothing but long blurs. Soon the exit came and we were almost free. We would have to jump in the water and swim for safety. Then, swim to Slateport city where we could get help from officer Jenny. We were at the ladder but all of us jumped. Dozens of kids jumping into the river.We just about reached the water but a pokemon jumped out with thousands of tentacols. "Tentacreul!" it said. It grabbed every single one of us with ease right by the belly. The squishy substance on it's tentacols made you want to vomit. Seven Team Rocket members came out of the Secret Base. We'll make a deal with you brats. the man in the lab coat from earlier said. What did they want?

[Tamer Marco]

This is the second to last chapter. Hope I get a capture! And sorry it was so short. :redface:


Chapter Five: Hunt




"What do you want from us?!" I asked trying to squirm away from Tentalcruels grasp. Doing this only made it tighten. "We will go to Jhoto and go to Mt.Silver. You will catch Larvitars and if you catch at least one we will let you go." "I accept!" I screamed. "Good." the man in the lab coat said. "Because we're leaving this instant!" "They all sent out pokeballs, even my father. They fell into the ocean and each on had a bright red light in the sky. Magnifecent brown birds appeared called Fearow's. "Fear!" the majestic birds said. They swooped down, onto the grassy shore, and the Tentacreul placed ten of us on each Fearow. I was on the second Fearow. Along with that there were seven Fearows and seven team Rocket Members. One got on the top of the Fearow and the rest followed on thier own Fearows. "Take off!" all of the men said, nearly at the exact same time. They began to take off and soon enough we were through the clouds flying over Slateport City to Jhoto. The Fearow I was on seemed to shed as we flew. About ten feathers flew off of it in my view for the first minute of flight. I looked down and shivered in fear. All the land was gone. The sea was a far as I could see. It was so beautiful and calm. But I knew that the sea could turn on you as quickly as it was calm. It was living thing in it's own way.I closed my eye's and wished life could be normal. This one day changed my life. I thought about playing kick-the-can with my friend Damonte. Doing kid stuff. When I opened my eyes again the sea was gone and we were getting low. There was a cave in sight and in a few minutes we slowly descended to the entrace of the cave. "Get off." the man on our Fearow said. We slid off the Fearows wing and so did the others.The Rocket members called back thier Fearows and and the men stepped up to us. They each gave us pokeballs. Three in each group were un accounted for. The members sent out thier Fearow's once again. They attacked pokemon and the men sent out pokeballs. The men then went to the Pokemon Center nearby forgetting the fact that they were Rockets. Stealing Nurse Joys fastest Pokemon healing machine, they healed the pokemon up to fighting fit and gave them to the three without pokemon. "Go into the cave!" they all said. "The pokemon will protect you from harm and if another pokemon attacks, call out flash and run away. "The suit's have one pokeball each!""Now go!" they said. We scattered like Zigzagoon from a ravenous Mightyena. We all entered the cave and went our own ways. I heard a rumble and pokeball snap. Minutes later a couple children brushed past me. It was pitch black so I decided to do things my own way. Like a trainer I did a custom motion. I threw the ball like a fast ball by bringing my arm back, jumping and throuwing. "Pokeball go!" I said. A dancing pokemon came out of the ball. "Use flash now!" I called to it. "Luu" something said in the darkness. All of a sudden the cave wasn't black anymore. The pokemon I had was a Ludicolo! "Great for a Larvitar." I said. An Onix made it's way past me not noticing a thing. Then I saw a small brown pokemon with it's back turned. "That must be a Larvitar!" I said. "Time to get it and be free!"




BATTLE



"Luddicolo use water gun!" I said. A spray of water flew to the unsuspecting Larvitar with lightning speed. When it almost made contact it dodged it. "Huh?!" I mumbled. The Larvitar had small beads of power coming out of it. The shrunk around it's body and grew larger in size. Unknown to James, it was a poison Hidden Power. "LAR!" it screamed. The un-dodgeable beads made contact sending Ludicolo flying sky-high. It crashed with a large bang kicking up dust. The dust slowly filtered out showing a dirty Ludicolo, yet still standing up. "Use Hydro Pump!" I said. The pokemon fired a large blast of water. This one Larvitar couldn't avoid. When the water touched Larvitar's hide it began to close it's eyes and seemingly, getting smaller. The blast went all the way to the wall of the cave and Larvitar hit it, eyes closed with fear and pain. "Larrrr....." it said. It slowly got up eyes blazing with power. Larvitar raised it's hands as it were pleaing for mercy but that wasn't it. "Lar!" it said as it's hands fell down. Along with it rocks on Ludicolo's head. Ludicolo didn't notice until it was to late to dodge. Clusters of them big and small fell on the large lillypad on it's head. "God, no!" I screamed. The rocks covered little Ludicolo. "Please, get up!" I screamed with tears. "Get up, you!" Larvitar looked as he was done and I looked pathetic and hopeless. "Why won't you get up?!" I screamed. Then something awakened in Ludicolo. "Both of it's eyes opened and it got up. "Huh?" I mumbled. Me and the Larvitar looked surprised. Without my command Ludicolo fired a water blast at least one-hundred yards in length. "LAR!" the Larvitar screamed as it was totally enveloped the the wave. The blast went on for at least two minutes and Larvitar layed there. I looked at it closely, it tried to move. Then with all my might I threw the ball at Larvitar. It's eyes opened to see the ball, and Larvitar dissapeared in a flash of light into the ball. The ball wiggled once, twice, a third time and I awaited for the conclusion.

[Scorch Ry]

Story: 8/10
The story was good for a start, I really got into it. The descriptions were okay enough to make the scene clear, which is good. Altogether, I loved the small adventure of James. ^_^

Spelling/Grammar: 7/10
A seen a few mistakes: one major thing is putting a ';' symbol instead of a comma. For instance, one sentence that said about Larvitar taking the attack, moving in pain, make sure to replace the comma with the symbol above. Other than that, there weren't any major mistakes that I noticed.

Battle: 5/10
The downside for your story. The battle was short, plus Larvitar is something rare to capture. Larvitar didn't get that much attacks in, which isn't good at all. Make sure that the wild Pokemon attacks the trainer's Pokemon, because it shows what advantages they hold against a tamed Pokemon.

Length: 9/10
Nothing much to say except keep up with the great length size! But make sure to add more posts to get a perfect score. Descriptions and addings to the battle could of made this section a perfect 10/10 score.

Details: BEGINNER
The details were a beginner's pace, which is 7/10. Since this the first story I've seen you write ever since I've been grading, the details were half bad. Make sure to try your best to improve.

OUTCOME: {36/50 = 72/100 : LARVITAR IS CAPTURED!}