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Manjoume Jun
07-21-2004, 01:24 AM
Well, attempt number 2, I hope this one works...

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A Solar Engagement
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Leonard, a Pokémon trainer from the Hoenn region, has come to the lush paradise of Viron Island to fulfill his dream of

becoming a Pokémon Master. Currently, he has earned himself six badges from six of the stadiums around the island's different

sectors, and he is now heading towards the Sky Sector so that he can earn his seventh. Along the way, Leonard and his

faithful companion Zangoose have encountered a large crater that was apparently formed long ago by the legendary bird Pokémon

Moltres during an ancient war between the three sacred birds. The crater is a powerful source of heat energy, so many Pokémon

such as Charmander and Bagon live in this area for they thrive off the heat given out by the ancient flames of Moltres. Our

story begins with Leonard and Zangoose as they approach this area...

"Woah, it's really hot here." Leonard complained as he and Zangoose walked through the seemingly endless plateau at the base

of the mountains. Zangoose seemed particularly affected by this for his fur was making him hotter with every step.

"Zan... zan..." he panted as he strolled along beside Leonard.

"Hey, woah!!" Leonard said with a stroke of amazement in his voice, "What the heck... there's a huge hole in the ground just

a few meters ahead of us, it's immense!" he continued as he started to speed up his pace of walking so that he could take a

closer look.

"Zan..." Zangoose moaned as he tried to catch up to his trainer.

As Leonard approached the crater, he began to realise exactly how big it was. It was about half a mile across, and the heat

from down inside it was causing a slight ripple in the air. Small figures of Pokémon could just about be seen through the

squiggly-seeming air, which caused Leonard to become more curious than he was before.

"Hey, it looks like there's a small group of Pokémon down there. I wonder what they're doing, they don't seem to be moving

much." Leonard commented.

"Zan?" Zangoose said curiously, as he peered over the edge of the crater.

"Let's take a closer look Zangoose!" Leonard sparked as he leapt over the edge and started skidding down the dusty edge of

the gaping hole. Zangoose merely sighed and followed suit.

The crater seemed to go down forever, like a never-ending slide into an oven. The temperature just kept on rising as Leonard

and Zangoose slid deeper and deeper into the abyss.

"Almost there..." Leonard informed Zangoose, "And it's getting pretty darn warm, I hope it doesn't get too much hotter."

"Zangoose!" Zangoose agreed.

Finally, the duo reached the bottom, the rocks hissing as they stepped up and proceeded forwards towards the center where the

Pokémon they spotted were gathered.

"It looks like there are some Charmander over there, and even a few Bagon." Leonard mentioned as they moved ever closer to

the group, "But what are those things floating in the sky?"

Leonard had caught sight of a group of four objects floating above the other Pokémon. They were shaped a bit like a sun, but

they had eyes and were made of some form of stone.

"Zan, zangoose, zan!" Zangoose shouted, as it seemed to recognise the floating beings.

Finally, Leonard and Zangoose reached the center of the crater. There was steam erupting from the many cracks in the craggy

rock floor, and the Charmander and Bagon were playing happily with each other. There were some just breathing small flames,

some jumping up and down, and there were a few of the small dragon-like Pokémon even battling each other.

"Zan, zangoose!" Zangoose yelled, which attracted the attention of all of the Charmander and Bagon in the area, and they

weren't happy at the interruption.

"Um... Zangoose, they don't look too happy." Leonard panicked as he noticed the disturbed expressions emerging on the faces

of the small Pokémon, "And it looks like we angered those guys too..." he continued as he pointed upwards towards the slowly

descending sun-shaped stones.

"Zan." Zangoose said confidently, as he stood his ground.

"So that's it, they're Solrock! Now I see!" Leonard announced to himself as he recognised the approaching Pokémon.

<<Intruders, why do you disturb the peace of this holy place?>> a voice boomed inside of Leonard's head.

"Who... wh-what was that?" Leonard jittered, "Wh-where's that voice coming from?"

<<I am the leader of these young Pokémon, and of the Solrock you see around you.>> the voice continued.

"The leader?" Leonard said in a confused tone. He looked at each of the Solrock, and noticed that one of them was coloured

differently from the rest, "Are you the red one?" he asked.

<<Yes, I am a unique Pokémon. My different colouring is a blessing of power. I look over these Pokémon for they are kept

healthy by the sunlight that I am able to produce.>> the Solrock leader continued.

"A Pokémon with the ability to produce sunlight?" Leonard wondered, "You must know the Sunny Day technique then!"

<<If that is what you know it as then yes, I do.>> Solrock replied, <<Now, I must ask, why do you trespass through this most

holy of places?>>

"Um... well, me and my partner Zangoose were heading towards the Sky Sector so that we could challenge the stadium leader

there." Leonard began, "And so we thought that we'd be able to cut through here so that our journey there wouldn't take as

long."

<<Hmm, your reasoning seems innocent enough. Nevertheless, your presence here cannot be overlooked. If you wish to pass, you

must fight for your freedom.>> Solrock boomed.

"Fight?" Leonard questioned.

"Zan!" Zangoose excitedly said.

<<Yes. But you shall not fight me, instead you will do battle against one of my top apprentices. Come forth!!" the leader

Solrock demanded, and as he said this, one of the regular coloured Solrock approached the leader, <<Now then, I can assume

that your noisy Zangoose will be battling him?>> Solrock asked.

"Zangoose!" Zangoose said, as if agreeing.

"Of course, Zangoose will battle your apprentice." Leonard said.

<<In that case then, let battle commence!!>> the leader Solrock announced. And with this, the apprentice Solrock moved

forwards towards Zangoose, making a very dim humming noise as it did so. Zangoose merely stood his ground and lifted up his

paws, extending out his razor-sharp claws, ready for battle.

"Right then Zangoose! Let's begin this fight with your Crush Claw attack!!" Leonard commanded. So Zangoose leapt at Solrock,

with it's claws glowing white, and it slashed as hard as possible at the face of it's sun-shaped opponent. But Solrock barely

moved an inch, it was left unharmed, not even a scratch.

"What the..." Leonard said with astonishment, "It didn't do a thing!"

"Zan!" Zangoose also said, shocked at his signature move doing absolutely no damage.

<<Do not forget trainer, we Solrock are just as we are named, rocks. Physical attackis will not harm us in the slightest.>>

the leader Solrock mentioned, while it's apprentice merely hovered in the same spot with a look of glee in it's forlorn eyes.

The eyes of the apprentice then began to glow an eerie red colour, as waves of flame emerged from each of it's eight rocky

spikes and formed a small fireball high up in the sky.

"That must be the Sunny Day attack!" Leonard noticed, "Watch out Zangoose! Solrock's heating up the battlefield!"

"Zan!" Zangoose said as it started to feel the heat that was pulsating around his body. And without it being asked, his claws

started to glow white again, as he readied himself for another Crush Claw attack.

"No Zangoose, don't do it, it won't hurt it!" Leonard shouted, but it was too late, Zangoose had jumped up once again in an

attempt to damage his opponent, but to no avail. Solrock started to glow blue, and the spooky glow had veiled Zangoose as

well, as he was frozen in midair.

"Zan, zangoose!" he shouted in pain and in surprise.

"Ah! It's a Psychic attack!" Leonard panicked.

But before anything could be done, Solrock used it's telekinetic powers to slam Zangoose hard into the smouldering stone

floor. Zangoose screamed out in pain while Solrock regained that familiar look of happiness in it's eyes.

"Zangoose, are you okay..." but as Leonard said this, Zangoose darted up onto his feet, enraged at the humiliation that he

had just been put through. The crowd of Charmander and Bagon looked on eagerly, with the one hope that their leader's

strongest pupil would win this monumental battle.

<<Impressive, your Zangoose has phenomenal stamina.>> the leader Solrock commented.

"Thanks, but it's gonna' take more than stamina to win this fight." Leonard began, "Zangoose, try a Slash attack instead!"

So Zangoose leapt at Solrock once again and slashed at it with all of his might, but sadly it was all for nothing. The

Solrock merely stayed where it was, completely unhurt.

<<I thought you would've learnt from the first two attempts that physical attacks will not work.>> the leader Solrock

criticised.

"Darn, he's right." Leonard complained.

"Zan!" Zangoosed said, frustrated.

So as a counterattack to Zangoose's failed attempt, Solrock started to collect flames in front of it's figure, and then they

fired out in a red-hot stream of fire, heading straight for Zangoose.

"Ah! A Flamethrower! Zangoose, get outta' the way!" Leonard shouted, but Zangoose couldn't escape in time, and the searing

flames charred parts of his body black as he yelped in pain.

"Zangoose!" Leonard screamed.

Manjoume Jun
07-21-2004, 01:25 AM
"Zan!!!" Zangoose shouted, as the vicious attack came to a stop, Zangoose had a curious look on his face. He rose from the

floor, with smoke billowing from the back of his body where he was struck, looking up at Solrock.

"Zangoose, I think I noticed something when Solrock fired that Flamethrower." Leonard said, this caught Zangoose's attention,

"When it charged up for the attack, it looked as if it was momentarily undefended. Let's try to use that to our advantage!"

he finished. Zangoose gave him a thumbs up and smiled, then turned his concentration back to the fight at hand, where Solrock

was already collecting heat energy for another Flamethrower attack.

"Now then Zangoose, focus on Solrock's actions, use Detect!" Leonard commanded, and with this, Zangoose nodded his head, and

stood there with his eyes closed, focusing his mind on his surroundings.

As the Solrock fired out it's second searing heat beam, Zangoose suddenly opened his eyes.

"Now Zangoose!" Leonard shouted, and Zangoose instinctively jumped out of the way of the attack, and ended up behind Solrock,

just as the Flamethrower attack burned the rocks with a white-hot glow.

"Zan!" Zangoose said with a smile on his face, he knew what was next.

"Brick Break!" Zangoose heard his faithful trainer shout, so he leapt up towards Solrock's rear, and with the force of a

brick he slammed himself hard into Solrock, knocking it back a few meters as it winced in pain.

"That's it! We hurt it this time!" Leonard rejoiced, as Zangoose landed on the ground with a look of satisfaction emerging on

his face.

<<What!? I can't believe this! No-one has ever been able to damage a member of our kind like that before! This is

unbelievable!>> the angered leader boomed as it's apprentice looked on with a sense of it's own anger rising within it.

"That worked well, so let's try it again Zangoose, use Detect!" Leonard demanded, so Zangoose complied, and focused his mind

once again on what Solrock was doing. And predictably, Solrock began charging up another Flamethrower, but what Leonard and

Zangoose didn't know was that the apprentice Solrock had caught on to their plan, and had a strategy of it's own.

"Now Zangoose, it's ready to fire the Flamethrower!" Leonard informed Zangoose as it opened it's eyes and readied itself to

avoid the oncoming attack, but something was up.

As Solrock fired it's third Flamethrower, it began to spin it's body, causing the flames that it spewed to engulf itself,

forming a huge spinning fireball.

"What the..." said a shocked Leonard, "What's it doing!?"

"Zan?" Zangoose said worriedly as it watched the blazing fireball spin faster and faster. The Solrock then began to hurtle

towards Zangoose at a slowly increasing speed.

"Oh no... Zangoose!!! Run!!!" Leonard screamed as Zangoose realised what was up and tried to escape from the incoming

fireball.

But the Solrock was too close! And as Zangoose dived out of the way, the Solrock crashed into the ground, causing an immense

explosion to occur, throwing smoke across the bottom of the crater.

"Ugh!!" Leonard choked as the smoke and dust flew past his face.

"Zan!!!" Zangoose screamed as it was thrown far across the battlefield.

"Zangoose!!!" Leonard shouted as he tried as best he could to run towards the place where Zangoose had been thrown.

As the black smoke settled, a massive crater could be seen where the Solrock had crashed. It could be seen embedded in the

rocks beneath. As it slowly struggled to escape from it's rocky prison, Leonard desperately checked Zangoose to make sure

that it was okay.

"Zangoose! Are you alright? Please get up!" Leonard panicked as he checked Zangoose for any major injuries. The red and white

cat-ferret Pokémon was stained black all over, he looked really beaten up. As the Solrock emerged from the hole that it had

formed, it slowly staggered through the air to see the damage that it had caused to it's opponent.

<<I think that we have a winner.>> the leader Solrock said with a minor tone of joy in it's voice, but then suddenly,

Zangoose opened it's eyes and leapt back up onto it's feet, to the amazement of the crowd of Charmander and Bagon.

"Zangoose!" Leonard happily said as his best friend was back in the fight.

<<What!! It's still able to fight! Preposterous!>> a shocked Solrock leader shouted.

Zangoose was on his feet, but he was weak. Charred a deep black and panting heavily, he was fighting what seemed like a

losing battle. But still, he kept that confident look in his eyes, as he stared down his opponent.

"Zan... zan..." he panted, as he struggled to pull himself back into his fighting stance, his claws retracted for the time

being. The fight continues...

Zangoose's opponent seemed to be aggravated by the failed outcome of it's explosive attack, so it began to spin again, only

this time it wasn't able to produce any flames. It seemed as if the last attack it executed had used up all of the heat

energy provided by the Sunny Day attack, so its power had faded. It therefore flung itself at Zangoose in a devastating

Tackle attack.

"Watch out Zangoose! That looks like it could be painful if it connects!" Leonard warned, so Zangoose stayed vigilant, and as

Solrock came ever so closer, Zangoose gave a weak smile.

Suddenly, Zangoose extended his seemingly battle-worn claws, and grabbed hold of Solrock just as it was about to hit! This

pushed Zangoose back for quite a distance, as he winced in immense pain from the friction at his feet. The drill-like Solrock

was pushing Zangoose backwards further and further, but there was a problem, it was spinning more slowly as it moved further

forwards, until eventually it came to a complete halt. Solrock was shocked at this, and scared as to what it's fierce

opponent was planning behind that weak, yet confident smile that it was still wearing.

"Zangoose?" Leonard said with shock, as he watched his friend fight.

"Zan!" Zangoose shouted as he gripped the Solrock tighter and then leaped into the air as high as he could!

<<No!!>> the leader Solrock began to panic.

"That's it Zangoose! Smash it into the ground!! Seismic Toss!" Leonard cheered.

Zangoose gained much height from it's powerful jump, as it started to spin around, faster and faster, it then began to

plummet back towards the earth at a phenomenal speed with is head facing downwards. This was it, if this didn't work,

Zangoose was finished. This attack was taking all of his remaining strength.

"Zan!" he cried as he smashed his sunny opponent into the craggy floor with huge force, causing huge clouds of dust to rise

from the ground.

<<No!! This can't be happening! He won!>> an amazed Solrock said as he watched to see whether his apprentic would make it or

not.

As the billowing dust once again settled, a decimated Solrock could be seen embedded in the floor, with a very tired Zangoose

panting away heavier than before. The Solrock tried as hard as it could to regain it's levitation, but with no success. It

crashed to the ground, unable to battle. Zangoose had won!

"It's down... it's down!!" Leonard's heart skipped a beat for a second. Despite the huge disadvantage, his partner had won

the fight.

"Zan..." Zangoose struggled to say as he gave Leonard a weak smile and another thumbs up.

<<This is unbelievable. I can't believe that you were able to beat my best apprentice. You truly are a noble Pokémon trainer.

You have earned my repsect, and the respect of my followers.>> the leader Solrock said with a tone of relief that the titanic

battle was over.

The audience of Charmander and Bagon seemed disappointed that their leader's best fighter had lost, but they were still glad

deep down inside that one of their guardians had fought with honour.

As this was happening, the apprentice Solrock rose from the ground, weak, but satisfied that it had been defeated fair and

square.

<<Trainer...> the apprentice began, <<I congratulate you for defeating me in battle, and I thank you for showing me that I

still have more training to do.>> he continued.

"I don't know about that, you fought very hard, we almost lost that fight!" Leonard mentioned, and he turned to see Zangoose

nod in agreement.

"Zan, zangoose!" Zangoose said, smiling.

<<Hm, thank you. But I have a request...>> the apprentic said.

<<Oh?>> the leader Solrock said curiously, <<And what would that be my pupil?>>

"Yeah, what's up?" Leonard asked.

<<You seem like a very kind-hearted trainer. You have raised your Zangoose well, and seem to be very friendly towards it, as

it is towards you. I would like to know whether I could join you in your travels, so that I may become stronger too.>> the

apprentice requested, which shocked everyone.

<<What is this!? You wish to leave!>> the leader said, shocked.

"Really? You wanna' come with me?" Leonard said in wonderment.

"Zan?" Zangoose said curiously.

The Charmander and Bagon were stunned by this too.

"Well, sure! If you really want to come with us, then yeah! I'm sure that we'll become best of friends if you really want

to!" Leonard replied.

<<Thank you trainer, I am most appreciative.>> the apprentice said happily, <<Teacher? May I?>> it asked.

to be continued...

Manjoume Jun
07-21-2004, 01:26 AM
Now it's up to you... will the leader Solrock decide to let his pupil go?

Scorch Ry
07-21-2004, 02:03 AM
Spelling/Grammar: 8/10
A few minor mistakes, nothing that I noticed.

Battle: 7/10
The battle was okay, although Zangoose's attacks shouldn't have been too effectively on Solrock. Make sure to make Zangoose attack alot more, since Solrock is part rock. Other than that, it was okay.

Details: 4/10
I had to use my own imagination with finding out what Leonard looks like, which isn't good. Make sure that you describe whatever you want, because without details, the picture isn't a picture...its a black cloud of nothingness.

Story: 7/10
Nothing really special to bring this score up, but its good for a start. Make sure to add details and improve the battle more.

Length: BEGINNERS (7/10)
The length was a beginner's status, which is okay for a start. Improving the battle a bit more, but adding lots more details would have made the length longer.
{Score: 33/50 = 66/100 : Solrock Captured} Just barely. Make sure to bring out details more.