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Hariken4
03-09-2004, 01:08 AM
OOC: This and the stories that follow are about a beginning Pokemon Trainer name Harison in Littleroot Town.This one is in Harison's hometown where Prof. Birch is about to give a new trainer his starting Pokemon but trouble is brewing in the fields.

It was a beautiful day in Littleroot Town. The sun shone brightly over the widely spread field where Harison's dad keep all the Pokemon he was raising. Harison was a 12-year-old Pokemon trainer from Littleroot Town. He walked over to the shade of a peach tree where his first Pokemon, Absol, slept. Harison sat down and pat Absol on the head. He leaned against the tree and started to go to sleep until he a rustling sound came from behind the tree. Harison got up and shuffled the green leaves of a stout bush. After searching for a minute or two, Harison found his father's Treecko struggling to get loose from the branches' grasp. Tugging at the twigs and sticks, Harison freed Treecko. In its appreciation, Treecko looked up at Harison and smiled. As Treecko walked off to the lake, Harison looked down at the sparkling crystal water. His dad's water Pokemon were splashing and playing in it. There were Poliwag, Poliwhirl, Poliwrath, Azurill, Marill, Azumarill, and Corphish. As Corphish accidentally grapped a Marill's tail, the group of Marill used Water Gun on Corphish who slammed into the peach tree and slammed into a sleeping Slaking which caused it to turn over and roll down a grassy hill. A Mudkip and Torchic were playing together and the bottom of the hill. Mudkip quickly jumped out of the way but Slaking ran into Torchic who let its Flamethrower out. Unfortunately, the Flamethrower hit a pack of Donphan and started charging into Torchic. Harison sighed as he watched what the rest of the other Pokemon were doing. "Oh, well," he said to himself. "It's just another day at my dad's ranch."

Chapter 1: Harison Starts His Journey

After feeding his father's Pokemon, Harison walked into the house. His father was sitting in a corner working on the computor. It began to flash pictures of the three starting Pokemon and a picture of a kid that looked just a little younger than Harison. Suddenly, the pictures disappeared and a picture of Harison's dad's friend, Prof. Birch, appeared. It was a video e-mail. "A new kid has come for his starting Pokemon," the vidoe of Prof. Birch said. "I thought maybe Harison could come over and help him out." Harison's father nodded his head. "I'm sure he'd love to," his father replied. "I'll send him over." Prof. Birch disappeared and Harison's dad turned to Harison. Harison nodded and headed toward the door. As he opened it, a Swalot appeared and jumped on top of Harison. "Oh, I'm so sorry!" a familiar female voice rang in Harison's ears. Harison struggled to get Swalot off of him. "Oh, hi mom!" he said, after getting half of his body out. "I found this Swalot and decided to bring it hear so your father to train it," Harison's mother said. "Where is he?" After getting out from the bottom of Swalot, Harison stood up and tryed to keep Swalot from leaping onto him again. "He's doing work on the computor," he said. "I've got to go to Prof. Birch's lab. I'll see you later." Harison walked past his mom and headed down the road to Prof. Birch's lab.
Walking down the dirt road, Harison saw the silvery shining building in the distance. After walking throwing the sliding glass doors, Harison saw a Prof. Birch in his white lab coat talking to three Pokemon; Treecko, Torchic, and Mudkip. Suddenly, a sound like a stampede came from outside and a herd of Dodrio came bursting in and ran through the other side of the room. "Those darn Dodrio," Prof. Birch said, immediately starting to repear the wall. "Always doing that at least two times a month." After his work was done, Prof. Birch looked up and saw Harison. "Hi, Harison," he said. "The new kid should be here soon."
"I'm already here," said a voice that came from an unknown area. Suddenly, a kid with blonde hair, white T-shirt and gray vest, and blue jeans walked in through the other hole on the other side of the wall. "Hi, Koji," Prof. Birch said, waving to the kid and then turned to Harison. "Harison, this is Koji. He wanted to challenge you to a Pokemon Battle." Prof. Birch led Koji to the table with the starting Pokemon on it. "But first," he said. "Koji, choose your Pokemon!"
But, before Koji could choose, the doorbell rang. "I'll be right back, Koji," Prof. Birch said, going to answer the door. It was a woman in a yellow shirt and pink jeans. She wore a purple bandana over her gray hair. "Hi, grandma," Koji said. Koji's grandmother waved. "Hi, I brought a map for your journey, Koji," she said, holding out a blue book. "Here." She handed it to Koji. "Thanks," Koji said, packing it in his bag. Suddenly, the phone rang. The professor answered it. "Hello, this is Prof. Birch speaking," Prof. Birch said. His face suddenly looked horrified. "I'll be right there!" he said, hanging up and then turned to Harison and Koji. "Come with me, you guys!"
Harison and Koji looked at each other, shrugged, and then followed Prof. Birch into the lush green forest. "Where are we going, Prof. Birch?" Koji asked. Prof. Birch turned around and frowned. "There are some Pokemon in trouble at the lake!" he answered.
when they got to the lake, they saw a Vulpix trying to catch a Magikarp's fin. "Oh, no!" Harison cried. "If it falls in, it could die!" Vulpix suddenly caught hold of Magikarp but Magikarp pulled it in! "No!" Harison cried. "I'll get you, Vulpix!" Harison jumped into the lake and swam toward the drowning Vulpix who was struggling for life. Harison reached out and grabbed Vulpix by the stomache. "I've got you!" Harison said, but the weight of Vulpix was too much. It was weighing Harison down. Harison kicked his legs as strongly as he could, but it didn't do any good. Suddenly, Vulpix glowed in a blue light and then disappeared and in its place was a beautiful Ninetails. The two of them suddenly floated out of the water and landed safely with Koji and Prof. Birch. Ninetails got up, dryed itself off, and walked off. "Incredible!" Prof. Birch said. "I thought Vulpix could only evolve with the use of a Fire Stone and couldn't use Psychic attacks."
After leaving the lake, the three found themselves scaling the side of a mountain. "Now where are we going?" Koji asked. "A Pokemon slipped off the mountain," Prof. Birch explained. Suddenly, a loud shriek came from around the corner. The three walked as quick as they could and found a Nuzleaf hanging on a branch. "What do do we do now?" Harison asked.

Hariken4
03-09-2004, 01:24 AM
Chapter 1 continued....

"Tentacruel," a voice said from below. The group looked down and saw a Tentacruel in the river. "Ah, Tentacruel!" Prof. Birch said. Suddenly, a piece of the mountain collapsed and Koji fell on the cliff they were standing on. "Aww!" he cried. Suddenly, Tentacruel lashed its tentacles and wrapped them around Koji and dropped him safely back on the cliff. "Hey, that gives me an idea!" Prof. Birch said. "Tentacruel, get Nuzleaf with your Wrap attack!" Tentacruel released his Wrap again at the Nuzleaf and placed it on the cliff trail. Nuzleaf was happy to be safe on the ground again and walked off.
Heading back to the lab, the group run into a Makuhita. The round fighter noticed Harison, Koji, and Prof. Birch and dashed toward Prof. Birch.
"Aww!" Prof. Birch cried, running away. "Harison, do something!" Harison took out a Poke Ball. "Right," he said, throwing it. "Go, Absol!" The red-and-white ball hit the ground and exploded, releasing white wolf-shaped Pokemon appeared in a blaze of white light. "Absol," it said in a confident cry, ready for a fierce battle.
Makuhita immediately dashed toward Absol with a powerful Tackle attack. The blow painfully struck Absol. As Makuhita instantly turned around and rushed toward Absol with a bone crushing Arm Thrust, which sent Absol flying. The wolf-shaped Pokemon hit the dirt and cried in pain. As Makuhita prepared to deliver the final blow with a Vital Throw, Harison knew with Absol that weak, he couldn't. But suddenly, he got a defensive idea.
"Absol, use Double Team, now!" Harison cried, quickly fighting back. Absol quickly got up and suddenly multiplies of it appeared in a flash of white light. As Makuhita's attack failed against one of the Absol's, it ran into a tree. But with its head badly bruised, Makuhita would give the battle up that easily. It sat down and seemed to be focusing harshly. Suddenly, it opened its eyes and ran toward one of the Absols. Unfortunately, it sucessfully pounded the real Absol, knocking it to the ground again.
With Absol too weak to respond, Makuhita reached its arms out and grabbed Absol's body. It jumped highly itno the air and slammed Absol into the group with a Vital Throw. "Absol, stand up!" Harison cried, but Absol was motionless and didn't open its eyes. Harison knew it was over. "Absol..." he said gently, falling to his knees. "I'm sorry this happened to you."
"Makuhita!" Makuhita cried, getting ready to throwing the final blow. Suddenly, a blue glow surrounded Absol. Absol quickly opened its eyes and jumped swiftly out of the way. "Alright, Absol!" Harison cried, as Makuhita got up and disencouragely tryed a Seismic Toss. "Dodge its attack and use Swords Dance!" Absol dashed out of the path of Makuhita's attempt at a Seismic Toss and focused its energy to its attack power. "Now, use Perish Song!" Harison cried. Absol opened its mouth widely and shrieked harshly. The song put a powerful curse on the two which would cause them to faint in a short time. "Now, use Future Sight!" Harison cried, as Makuhita closed in for another attept to attack Absol. But Absol was quick to accurately predict the attack which hit Makuhita instead of itself. "Ok, Absol, finish it off with Slash!" bsol swiftly dashed toward Makuhita ready to unleash a powerful Slash a attack. After the confrontation, Makuhita stood firm but couldn't keep its ground and fell to the ground, knocked out.
"Alright, Absol!" Harison cheered for his victorious Pokemon. "You beat it!" Absol cheered along with its trainer but struggled to stay up and fainted. Harison walked over to his fallen Pokemon and patted it. "You did a good job," he said, taking out an empty Poke Ball. "But now it's my turn!" Harison threw the ball and the weakened Makuhita. The red-and-white ball hit the fighting Pokemon and opened up. Makuhita disappeared into the ball in a flash of red light. The ball began to wobble... 1.... 2.... 3....

-----
Ready for grading.

boltAge
03-11-2004, 08:08 AM
Story: ROFL, the first part was funny. The part when the Pokemon hits another mon, the mon which was hit hit another mon and so on. Good job on this, though it won't hurt to be a little longer.

Grammar: Typoes...

Details: You shine here! I see a lot of adverbs and adjectives used, that's a good thing. Won't hurt to have some more, like describing clouds or something lol :biggrin:

Reality: Fine, I guess.

Battle: A little short, but works. God, pls split your battle into paragraphs next time, it's really messy if you don't. More details help too ^_^

Outcome: Makuhita captured!
*hands you a Pokeball containing the captured Makuhita*
"It's yours now, take good care of it!"

Hariken4
03-11-2004, 11:22 AM
Hey, I reread the second part and found at least 4 paragraphs in the battle.

boltAge
03-11-2004, 11:33 AM
No, the paragraphs I meant are...

--

EXAMPLE:

John is a stupid boy. He did something stupid one day.

One day, he..blah blah blah blah blah...

--

Your's was:

John is a stupid boy. He did something stupid one day.
One day, he..blah blah blah blah blah...


--

Leave a space before making a new paragraph, I hope you get what I mean, if not, I have no idea how I'm going to explain.

Hariken4
03-11-2004, 09:35 PM
No, the paragraphs I meant are...

--

EXAMPLE:

John is a stupid boy. He did something stupid one day.

One day, he..blah blah blah blah blah...

--

Your's was:

John is a stupid boy. He did something stupid one day.
One day, he..blah blah blah blah blah...


--

Leave a space before making a new paragraph, I hope you get what I mean, if not, I have no idea how I'm going to explain.

Yeah, I can write paragraphs like that. Now, excuse my double posting 'cause I want my next story on a new post.

Hariken4
03-13-2004, 03:05 AM
It was another bright sunny day in the town of Littleroot in the Hoenn Region as Pokemon Trainer, Harison, works in the fields of his father's ranch where the Pokemon that his dad catches are raised. Last time, Harison had met a new trainer named Koji who had just started his journey and left a little while ago. Plus, Harison made his first captured, a Makuhita. But Harison was having problems with Makuhita. You see, countless times, Makuhita attacks Absol and the other Pokemon. It just happened again as Harison's dad came walking by.

"Don't worry, Harison," he said. "I'm sure you'll raise that Makuhita to be the best Pokemon you've ever had." Harison's father reached into one of the pockets on his shaggy brown pants and pulled out a folded flyer. He unfolded it. "I got this flyer about a new gym right her in Littleroot!" he said. "And they're looking for a new Gym Leader!" Harison, who just finished reading the flying, looked up at his dad. "And you're going to try for it?" he asked. His father nodded and smiled. "You bet!" he said.

Chapter 2: Into the Water Hole

Harison's dad led him through town to the huge, crystal building, shining beautifly in the sun's rays. "This is it!" he said. Harison closely examined a notice on the gym doors. In bold red letters was the word "SOLD". "Dad," Harison pointed out. "It looks like the gym's sold." Harison's dad, shocked, quickly looked over the note. "Sold?" he said, sadly. "Darn! I guess my dream of becoming one of the top trainers in Hoenn will just have to wait."

"I thought were just raising abandoned Pokemon," he said. His dad shook his head. "No," he said. "I used that for practice. I've always wanted to become a Gym Leader!" Even though it wasn't going to be a gym, Harison wanted to investigate. "Let's just take a look, dad," he said. His dad disagreed. "You go ahead," he said, sadly walking away with his head down. "I have to get back to work."

Harison knew his dad just didn't want to. His mother had volunteered to look after the Pokemon while they were gone. Harison turned around and placed his hand on the iron door knob and pushed the wooden door open. Immediately, he was welcomed by an energetic female voice. "Welcome to Flora's Flourish Shop!" she said. "I'm Flora, the owner. How may I help you?" Harison, stunned, took a couple minutes to react to this energetic woman. "Nothing," he said. "I'm just taking a look."

Harison walked around the Flourish Shop, looking at all the beautiful flowers and plants. He wondered what they're secret was. Suddenly, he felt his back nudge into someone. He turned around and saw another girl. She had short orange hair, wore a pink sleeveless T-shirt, and a white skirt. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, helping Harison up. Suddenly, she noticed the Poke Balls on his belt.

"Hey, are you a Pokemon Trainer?" she asked. Harison nodded. "Perfect!" she said. "You see, we're having a problem with a Lotad. Can you help us?" Harison agreed and the girl led Harison to the back of the Flourish Shop. "It's around here somewhere," she said. "Oh, I forgot to introduce myself; Macy." "I'm Harison," he said, taking out a Pokeball. 'Since it's a wild Pokemon, I should use Makuhita,' Harison thought. He threw the red-and-white ball. In a flash of white light, Makuhita appeared. "Makuhita!" it cried, ready for battle.

Suddenly, the lake near them began to bubble and a blue Pokemon with a leaf on its back appeared. "Lotad," it said. "There's the Lotad!" Macy cried. "Get it!" Harison nodded and turned to Makuhita. "Are you ready, Makuhita?" he asked. "Makuhita!" Makuhita cried. "Lotad," Lotad said, raging with energy.

[I'll continue later...]

Hariken4
03-13-2004, 01:31 PM
Chapter 2 continued...

Makuhita stood across the shiny crystal lake, staring at Lotad. "Makuhita!" it cried, raring for an extreme battle. "Lotad," Lotad replied, getting ready for the fight. The two Pokemon stared at each other for a while. Harison had had enought of it. "Okay, Makuhita," he cried. "Use Tackle attack!"

But before Makuhita could begin the attack, it was swimming across the lake and began glowing a green light. Makuhita suddenly started to glow with the same green light. But while Lotad seemed to be getting stronger, Makuhita was getting weaker. "Makuhita, use Endure!" Harison cried, thinking fast. Suddenly, the green light disappeared and a orange-brownish light appeared and Makuhita stopped getting weaker but it was terribly weak.

But before Makuhita could fully recharge, Lotad closed in for another attack. It began to glow in a purple light and vicously slammed into Makuhita. "Maku!" Makuhita cried as it fainted. Harison took out a Poke Ball. "Return, Makuhita!" he cried. The red-and-white ball opened up and in a flash of red light, Makuhita disappeared into the ball. After putting Makuhita's ball back in his pocket, he pulled out another one and threw it. "Come on out, Absol!" Harison cried. In a flash of white light, the wolf-shaped Pokemon appeared.

"Absol!" Harison cried. "Use Perish Song!" But before Absol could unleash its attack, Lotad jumped back into the water. Macy sighed. "I guess its gone," she said.

[I'll continued soon...]