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Tamer Marco
08-14-2004, 12:32 AM
Chapter 1: Quick beginings



Ricky was riding his bike happily. He was straight for the path for Proffessor Oak, just Prof Oak for short. Ricky sped through the grassy meadow in a rush. Swerving past a tree in the nick of time, Ricky looked back and admired his biking skills. He looked straight again and he was inches away from a tree. "No!" He said once again swerving that tree. His bikes back tire hit the tree with a loud clang. Nothing serious happened, but Ricky was worried. He slightly slowed down each second until the noisemaker in his front tire was a light crackle every few seconds. Ricky slowly rode his bike until he stopped. Looking in the distance, there was a small building. Then, Ricky started to ride again, this time he picked up speed. Not to fast, yet not to slow. The way a sightseer would travel. A Caterpie brushed past Ricky's bike. It's side became roadkill, as I heard a weak cry. I felt sorry for the creature, but like a child it saw me coming and decided not to move. As Ricky began to approach the building his insides began to flutter. He was excited to get his first pokemon, yet nervous of what would await in his new journey. Stopping in the nick of time, Ricky looked around. There was a convinet bike rack. Ricky placed his bike inside even though there was no lock to keep it safe. Ricky began to walk through the doors, but he was startled as he forgot that they were automatic. Ricky walked in just before the doors began to close again. Looking inside, the building was very quaint. Nothing much occupied the building except a small door behind a large wooden desk. Slowly walking to the door, it opened. Two children came out. One was a male, another was a female. They had the same appearance nearly, brown eyes, light skinned and black hair. Both had small noses and a few freckles. Ricky suspected they were identical twins, or brothers. It seemed impossible that they met at a coincedence, seeing as how they looked so much alike. The twosome hugged and thanked a figure and ran off in glee. A gray haired man stepped out. It was Prof Oak. "Ah, Ricky." he said when he saw me. "Come on in." Inviting Ricky into the room he couldn't refuse. Ricky knew it was the starting pokemon lab. When Ricky walked inside, this room was huge. Box's and box's labled "Pokemon" and "Pokeballs" were scattered across the room. What was really shocking was a awesome machine in the middle of the room. Ricky suspected it was very important so he didn't dare touch it. "So, little Ricky." the Proffesor said happily. "How can I be of service. "I'd like a Charmander please." he said quietly. For some reason, he was incredibly shy around the greatest authority on pokemon knowledge. He even discovered the legendary Mew, which was always thought to be a mirage. "A Charmander eh?" the Proffessor said cheerily. His voice was always cheery around children. Looking at the machine, he said: "Charmander!" At the top of the machine a ball appeared. Dropping down into a slot with a loud clang, the Professor handed Ricky a ball. "Here's your Charmander he said." "Begin your quest to become champion of the pokemon world!" "Thank you!" Ricky shouted. Ricky ran outside. "Come out Charmander!" he said. A red light flash formed. It slowly transformed into a lizard like creature with a flame on it's tail. "Char, char!" it said.

Agent Orange
08-14-2004, 01:27 AM
Is this the whole chapter?

boltAge
08-14-2004, 03:15 PM
Notice: I would like Dark Pikachu to grade this.

You cannot reserve stories for specific graders, it's too unfair for the other graders, I thought Jack and a couple of us talked it out before :rolleyes:

Jack of Clovers
08-14-2004, 10:48 PM
yes, you cannot reserve stories. i'll make that clear again in my grader wages.

~Jack~

Tamer Marco
08-15-2004, 12:23 AM
You cannot reserve stories for specific graders, it's too unfair for the other graders, I thought Jack and a couple of us talked it out before :rolleyes: Jeez, I didn't know. Don't get a attitude over one mistake... And yeah, DP it's the first chapter. I'll edit both things in.








Chapter Two: Around Route One.







I stared at the lizard-like creature. It's deep dark eyes stared into mine. It looked as if it was in deep thought. Picking the Charmander up I noticed it was slightly hot in it's belly. Before the heat continued to spread to my body, I asked Charmander a question. "Would you like to travel with me?" I was a little nervous in the voice. Even though it was a pokemon I didn't want to get turned down. "Char, charmander!" it said happily. I knew it wanted to travel. "Great!" I said excitedly. I knew me and Charmander would be the best of friends. "Get on my shoulder." I said. Charmander climbed up my pants leg, it's claw slightly hitting my tough skin. The Charmander got onto my shoulder and held onto my neck. I didn't get why it was so trusting of me. I was just starting to know the lizard thing. Hopping on my bike, I felt a large shiver. Ignoring it, I started to get on again. This time it was even worse. Looking at Charmander, I smiled. "Your afraid for me to get on the bike aren't you? I said cheerily. "Char, char..." it said unhappily. It's head fell down thinking it was a coward. "Don't worry i'll go slow." I said. "Char..." I could tell it didn't trust that, but it had faith in me I supposed. Getting on the bike Charmander still shivered. I placed both feet onto the pedals and began to ride very slowly. At about walking speed. The shivering stopped, and I heard a happy Char. We were on our way to Route One.






We were in the tall grass, riding the same pace as we left. Very slowly. I was smiling while Charmander was filled with glee. We began our journey through the grass. Nothing was in there oddly. We were slowly continuing when we heard air pop out of our left tire. "Whoa!" I said. I fell to the ground on top of charmander. My bike made us fall. As we got up I wondered. "Weird." "What pokemon would do that." Unknowingly, to Ricky there was a figure flying overhead.

Tamer Marco
08-19-2004, 03:27 PM
Chapter 3: Pidgey, Pidgeotto!










Charmander and I continued to walk. The sun beamed down intensely somehow, and I already missed my bike. Charmander whined as there was a small but painful briuse on his leg. I knew Charmander was more hurt than me, even though he was a lizard. I picked him up and the heat became even more extreme. Ignoring it, I knew we had to get to Viridian City, since Pallet Town didn't have a Pokecenter. Walking forward, I heard a rustle in the bushes. Peeeking inside Charmander's tail-flame poked the bush slightly. In seconds it went into a shower of flames, and two pokemon darted out of the burning bush. Purple fur was all that I could make out of the wild pokemon duo. I knew the fire would most likely spread, but for some reason I ignored the ablazed bush. I walked forward while Charmander looked back in silence as it could be the cause of a forest fire. Minutes passed, and nothing out of the ordinary appeared. Skimpering Ratatta's apeared brushing past me, looking for food. Pidgeys flew through the air, smiling, with the sheer delight of flight. I would dream that one day, I could fly. But it wasn't meant to be for a human to fly in the sky like a bird. That would make flying pokemon, not special for thier talent. I knew that all of us were made for a purpose, but for a human, flying was not one of them. In the distance I could see a large skyscraper. We were almost at Virdian City! There was a sign minutes later. It said: Pallet: Two. And for Viridian: One. That must of meant that I was two miles away from Pallet Town and one from Viridian City. I was so happy, that I was almost to civilization. Thinking about that I realized that I might not be cut out to be a trainer. I sighed and continued to walk. As we walked soon, my legs began to jello that was just made. I decided to take a rest. Sitting on the tall grass, I thought about battling the Champion Lance, of the Elite Four. Then I wondered what it would be like to be the champion. "I wish I could be everything I desired..." I said outloud. As I said it I heard a burst of wind coming in my direction. I felt that it was coming from upward so I looked up, sprawled on my belly. There was a Pidgey, locked on to me, face to face like a torpedo. "That has to be the Pidgey that gave my bike the flat tire..." I said. It came a foot away from me. "Auugh!" I screamed as I rolled over just before it's beak made contact. It's beak drove into the ground. "Pidg!" It screamed. It pulled itself out of the dirt, staring angrily at me. Flapping it's wings it prepared for another assault. "Pidg!" it said going straight for my stomach. Charmander ran up to Pidgey. Raising it's paw, it scratched the Pidgey, right in the eye. Pidgey fell to the ground. "Pidddd, pidd PID!" it screamed as it took flight into a tree. Staring at the tree, I heard serveral Pidgey grunts. The last one I heard seemed older and more vibrant. A bigger bird flew out of the tree staring at Charmander. "Pidgeotto!" it said. It was the evolved form, Pidgeotto. Looking at Charmander, I knew it wanted a battle. "Char!" Charmander said. "Pih!" Pidgeotto said as the prepared to battle.

Tamer Marco
08-19-2004, 04:03 PM
Chapter Four: Battle time!










Charmander stared at Pidgeotto, vise versa. "Charmander, use Scratch!" I said. Charmander ran up to Pidgeotto about to use it's deadly scratch. Pidgeotto jumped in the air, making Charmander scratch nothing but air. Pidgeotto came crashing down face first, and began to assault Charmander with a barrage of un-avoidable pecks. Charmander fell to the ground. It looked like the battle was already over. "No, Charmander, get up!" I said. Charmander dug his claws into the ground as he slowly got up. Pidgeotto stared at Charmander, wondering how he survived. Charmander looked at Pidgeotto, like it was hurt badly, wanting pity. Then, all of a sudden Charmander scratched Pidgeotto, right in the eye, like the pidgey! Pidgeotto stepped back, angrily. Sucking the pain up Pidgeotto became enraged. Staring at Charmander with teary eyes, it moved in. With anger, Pidgeotto put all of it's energy into a peck, right in Charmanders eye. You could say that was sweet revenge. But it wasn't sweet for Charmander. He stepped back sprawled into the grass. "You can do it Charmander!" I said. Charmader got up, while Pidgeotto snickered it's beak devilishly. Charmander, got up, enraged. All this battle was one pokemon taking turns beating the stuffing out of themselves. But I knew the victor would be Charmander. I knew Charmander didn't know this move, but I was desperate. "Use Ember!" I said. Charmander looked at me... smiling! Charmander stared at Pidgeotto. Snickering, Charmander opened his mouth and released several flames from it's mouth. Pidgeotto, stepped back screaming as it was in the blazing fire. "Finish it with a scratch!" I said. Charmander went inside the flame, and scratched it on it's belly. Looking at Pidgeotto, the flames on it slowly died down. I knew that it would be up soon. I grabbed a pokeball, but something stopped me. Pidgeotto began to slowly climb up to it's talons. It was burnt black panting heavily. Then, it began to turn it's head, and it stared at me! "Pih!" It said. Going straight for my head, I dropped the pokeball. I was to scared to move an inch. Pidgeotto was just about to make contact with me. Before it came close I wondered why are those Pidgey's acting like Spearows. It was baffling. Pidgeotto was about to strike, when Charmander stepped in once again. Charmander sliced Pidgeotto in the head with a scratch attack. Pidgeotto fell to the ground but didn't look like he was phased much. Pidgeotto spat on the ground and flew up high, until it was barely impossible to see it. Thinking that it flew away I sighed in relief. But once again I heard the upward air and I knew it wasn't done yet. Pidgeotto, began to come down with intense force at Charmander. Charmander didn't move. He was scared out of his wits. Pidgeotto's beak made serious contact, and Charmander fell straight to the ground. He layed there lifelessly. "Get up Charmander!" I shouted. Charmander wasn't done until he was really done. Getting up from that almost impossible to withstand blast Charmander, looked at Pidgeotto. "CHAR!" Charmander screamed. Charmander ran up to the burnt Pidgeotto with all his might. Charmander raised his paw, and made contact with a scratch attack. Most of Charmander's attacks weren't even ordered. I didn't know why, but Charmander was acting like a wild pokemon. Attacking on it's own terms. As soon as Charmande attacked, Pidgeotto pecked Charmander into the sky. Charmander snickered happily and looked at me. "Well, use Ember!" I said. Charmander released barrages of unavoidable flames Pidgeotto looked in sheer fright as it knew the batlle was over. The flames went right at Pidgeotto and burnt it's feathers to crisp. After the flames died out all that could be seen was a burnt, and large bird. Grabbing a pokeball from my belt, I threw it at the smoked bird. The Pidgeotto was enveloped in a ball of red light. The ball wiggled once, twice, another, and if the ball shook once more Pidgeotto would be mine.

Agent Orange
08-19-2004, 04:42 PM
Umm...when did it turn to A pidgeotto? Did I miss something?

Story: Good.

Description: Beautiful! I could almost feel it happening when you described it, nice!

Battle: Very nice.

Reality: Good.

Grammar: No big problems.

Length: Fine.

Capture: Yup, Pidgeotto is yours.

Tamer Marco
08-20-2004, 11:15 PM
Chapter Five: Pokecenter, here I come!




The pokeball had enclosed onto Pidgeotto. The Pokeballs shaking ended with a loud ding. Picking the Pokeball, I screamed, " Pidgeotto your mine!" holding the ball in the air. I noticed the ball was very warm. Then, it was hot. Then intensely hot! I dropped the Pokeball quickly. Nothing on my body was burned, but I felt a slight sensation of heat. "Man, that ball was cold." I thought full of sarcasum. As I said that, I heard a low wail, then a crash. Hearing the crash, I turned to the spot where it was. There was Charmander, sprawled on the ground. "No, Charmander!" I said with light tears in my eyes. I ran up to the fire lizard. Holding him in my arms, I noticed that he was totally cold. Everr the flame that kept Charmander alive was taking short whispy breaths. "Oh no, your flame!" I said. Then and there, I realized that the tailflame was Charmanders source of energy and heat. Without the flame Charmander couldn't live, and without enough of it Charmander would suffer. Doing the only thing I could, I placed Charmander into his pokeball. He went inside with a loud ding and a red flash. Placing the small pokeball in my belt, I continued to run. Then, I realized I forgot Pidgeotto's pokeball. Running to the spot where I dropped it, I picked it back up. It wasn't hot nor cold now. Just warm. I placed that pokeball into my belt aswell, and procceded to Viridian City. I passed several trainers running. They knew I was in a hurry for something, so they refrained from challenging me. My dirty sneakers thudded with a loud bang every time my feet had touched the tall grass. My adrenaline was pumping through my veins, and nothing would stop me from getting Charmander to a Pokemon Center. My adrenaline pumped even harder and harder. If I was in the Olympics for running, right now I would be a world-class sprinter. For humans and pokemon alike, I was nothing but a faint blur to them. I began to stop as I nearly crashed into a sign. Reading it, I noticed that I wasn't in tall grass anymore. Then, I smiled in delight as it said "You are in Viridian City!" My adrenaline began to slow down. In the north I could see the Pokemon Center. Dashing to it, I jumped inside the automatic doors. Running to Nurse Joy, I shouted "I need my two pokemon to be healed right now!"

Jack of Clovers
08-21-2004, 07:22 AM
Grammar: No big problems.

uh, there is a huge problem. the fact that there was no paragraphing. you need better use of paragraphs, DL. when a new person speaks, it's a new paragraph. when a new action by someone else happens, it's a new paragraph. i don't see how DR could miss that :susp:
also, that story and battle was rather short for a second evolution form Pokemon.

~Jack~

Tamer Marco
09-05-2004, 10:47 PM
OOC: Gimmie a break, i'm still new at this.






Chapter Five: Viridian Forest, and the bugged out woman






Nurse Joy looked surprised. "All right." she said calmly. Handing her the two pokeballs, she placed them into a complicated small machine. Pressing a couple of buttons, there were intense flashes of Red and yellow light, along with several loud dings. After a few moments Nurse Joy said happily, "Your pokemon are now fighting fit." "Come again sometime!" Waving goodbye to Nurse Joy, I began to find myself walking north. In the distance, there were humongous trees, and bird pokemon flying around them. "That must be Viridian Forest." I thought. I wanted to catch more pokemon, so I began to sprint there, excitedly. I couldn't wait for the pokemon that awaited me. Brushing past a tired Rattatta I began to run even faster. I began to walk in the tall grass, ignoring all pokemon. "The forest is still a little way's to go." I muttered under my breath. As I ran, I felt weaker, and weaker. But I continued to run. I didn't see it at first, but I wish I had. There was a large rock in my way. I was a bit too tall to see it, until I actually hit it. I closed in on it, and tripped right over it. I fell down, face first why black hair covering my eyes. "Owww..." I said.

Getting myself up, I decided to walk. I skinned my elbow and I didn't want to stumble again. The aching pain of my wounds showed with dripping blood, coming down from my elbow. But I didn't care. I continued to press forward. After a while, I got closer and closer, until I took my first step into the Viridian forest. I was intensely happy about this, since I would be able to capture tons of bug pokemon. But all was not what it seemed. I heard a bloodcurling scream just ahead...





"What?!" I shouted. My voice echoed through the tree's sending a few Pidgey's out of thier nests. I dashed to where I heard the scream. I heard it again, this time with more fear than the last. Now, I was absolutely sure of where the woman was. I could tell it was a woman, by the intense shriek in her voice. I continued to run over to where I heard the scream. Then I turned a sharp corner, and I saw a woman trembling, with something inches away from her face. Running twoards her, I realized that a bug pokemon was the thing in her face. It looked as if she was completely terrified... over a Metapod! I power-walked over twoards the frighted woman, and the Metapod. I asked the woman, "Is this Metapod giving you trouble?" She was begginging to say something, but I supposed that her words died on her tongue. I did the only thing I could. Grabbing the Metapod, I pulled it down, and placed it by a nearby tree. "You, know you shouldn't be afraid of pokemon that can't move." I said calmly to the woman. I brushed past her and continued, ignoring her ignorance.

Tamer Marco
09-05-2004, 11:35 PM
Chapter Six: Run for your life!










I was worried about the woman. Maybe she needed my help... But I wouldn't let one person totally ruin my adventure. I had to keep going further and further. My shoes were scarred by mud from walking through the tall grass. Right now, I wasn't exactly the cleanest boy around. And I was very hungry too. I was thinking of the luxury that I had while living in my house. I sighed miserably, and scolded myself. Becoming a Pokemon master was my dream, and I wouldn't ponder myself into getting out of that dream. Becoming a Pokemon master took dedication, practice, and hard work and I wasn't about to quit. Not now. Not ever. I continued to walk, when I heard the same shriek. It came from the lady. I didn't let it bother me, because a Weedle probably brushed against her leg. I chuckled about it, and started to run. I didn't know why, but I felt very scared inside...


Getting out of the tall grass, I noticed that it was a lot easier to run, without all of that disgusting, old and wet grass to be that close to your shorts. I heard another shriek, but this time, there were several of them, and they sounded a lot more scared that what the woman screamed. The wind rolled by, like in a movie, and I knew the people behind me were in trouble. "But if they were, they would have to have Pokemon..." I thought. You wouldn't be able to capture a Butterfree without them. I shook my head, and said, "Ricky, your worrying too hard." "Relax, the people back there are probably fine. I saw a Weedle, seemingly munching on some old cheese. Walking up to it, I said, "Hey little fella." happily. The Weedle stared at me with those cold black eyes, and then I realized that my beliefs were all wrong...


The Weedle continued to stare up at me, eyes black as the night sky. I hesitated for a short moment, but that was all the Weedle needed. It charged at me with it's worm-like body, and stuck it's needle right into my leg. "AHHHH!" I screamed, as the pain soared through my body. I stumbled and collapsed. "Ahhhh..." I moaned as the venom of Weedles sting began to mix with my blood, and the poison went into my veins. As the Weedle began to walk away, I heard footsteps, as my vison dimmed, until I blacked out entirely.





While I was unconcious, I could still hear, feel, and breath. "Hmm, another victim of bug pokemon." I heard a voice say. I felt my pants leg being pulled up and an oitment, that felt much like calamine lotion, was rubbed onto my wound. "Ahhh..." I moaned and groaned. My leg began to sting, because of the ointment. Suddenly, I felt much better and the pain went away. I began to climb to my feet, and I realized, I was awake the whole time! My eyes slowly opened, and I found myself face-to-face with a child with very country style clothes, and a tweed cap. "Hi." he said cheerfully. "My names, Bug Catcher Benny." he said politely, waving his hand for me to shake. "You were a victim of Weedle poison." he said. "I see." I said thoughtfully. "Well, i'd love to stay and chat, but there are lot's of victims!" Benny began to run, and as soon as I was about to ask him why did the bug pokemon attack, he was out of sight. "I didn't have time to thank him..." I said sadly. "But I need to catch pokemon." "No time to dwadle, or anything like that, only time to train. I walked into the distance, hoping what awaited me was a pokemon capture.

Tamer Marco
09-06-2004, 12:13 AM
Chapter Seven: Quick Ennocounter, Pikachu your mine!













My leg was aching, with pain. I had no idea that a Weedle could do that much damage. I was grateful that the Bug Catcher saved my life, and I wished I had time to thank him. But maybe if I ran up to him, I could thank him. I thought about it, and I thought it was a good idea. I just needed time on my side. Sprinting as quickly as I could, I jumped over a log with ease. I couldn't believe that that Bug Catcher had such a effective ointment! I still felt pain, but it was like I was never attacked. I could do anything, and my right leg (which was the leg that was attacked) felt just as good as my left. I wanted to jump for joy. I jumped, and saw something yellow in the distance. Very faint, but I saw it. Running twoards it, I was in deep shock. It was a Pikachu! I had to capture it, I just had too! "Come out Charmander!" I said, my voice filled with excitement. The Pikachu knew this was a sign of a battle, and charged up it's electric cheeks. It was ready to battle.






Battle!







"Charmander, use your scratch attack on Pikachu!" I said. Charmander began to run forward, but Pikachu jumped in the air with ease, before Charmander could even lay a claw on it. In mid-air, Pikachu released a tiny burst of electricity. "Thunder Wave!" I said. Charmander seemed to be paralyzed at the moment, while Pikachu launched another electric attack, but this attack was a lot larger than the last. It seemed to shock Pikachu a lot. "That was a Thundershock..." I thought. Finally, saying something, I said, "Get up Charmander!" I said. Charmander slowly got to his feet, but Pikachu was ready. Pikachu jumping into the air, began to use a barrage of electricity blasts. Each one more intense than the last. Charmander then fell to his feet, tail flame flickering. I had an idea, which would of damaged the forest, but helped me catch the Pikachu. "Use Ember, on a tree!" I yelled hoping Charmander had enough energy. Charmander slowly got up, opening it's mouth. Charmander then released several small balls of fire. The fire caught onto the tree, and soon began to spread. I of course was out of the fire, but Pikachu and Charmander weren't.


You may be thinking right now, "Why the hell would you do that!" but the playing field was Charmanders now. He could use his own fire to regenerate the flame on it's tail. Pretty simple concept to understand, no? But enough, back to the battle.



"Ember!" I yelled. Charmander then released several more balls of flame. This time, Pikachu couldn't avoid it. Pikachu was hit, being knocked into the intense flame. "Roasted rat." I thought. Pikachu wasn't done yet. It ran out of the fire, and jumped. Being hit by a flame, Pikachu fell down, releasing it's charged energy, onto Charmander. Charmander fell back into the fire, while Pikachu smirked. But it had no reason to. Charmander came right out this time it's tail literally on fire. Coming out of the flame, I think it learned a new attack too. I hoped for the best, and said: Charmander, use Rage!" Charmander nodded at me, while it's tail flame grew even more! Pikachu didn't know what the attack Rage was. So, it charged up a bit, and attacked with dozens, and dozens of thundershocks. But it made a huge mistake. Charmander was low on health, but now had the power to take out a level 50 Larvitar. "Use Enraged Ember!" I said intensly. Charmander, spun around and released a ball of fire. Pikachu, cried in fear and despair as it made contact. "Return, Charmander!" I said. "Go Pidgeotto!" I said as a red light enveloped Charmander, and spat out a winged pokemon. "Use gust to blow the fire away!" Pidgeotto blew it's wings fircely, releasing winds that made the fire die out. "Return!" I said to Pidgeotto. Pikachu layed on the burnt grass, unconcious. "Pokeball, go!" I said. the ball wiggled once, twice, and...

Agent Orange
09-06-2004, 12:23 AM
Ok....sorry, didnt pay attention to that. God, I'm tired...so excuse the crappy grade...


Grammar + Spelling: Fine.

Reality: Its ok.

length: Ok.

Battle: Decent...

Capture: Yes. Take the little thing.

Jack of Clovers
09-06-2004, 10:42 PM
again. grammer is not right. i told ya what was wrong, ur supposed to fix it :sweat:
this is how this paragraph should look:
-----
While I was unconcious, I could still hear, feel, and breath.
"Hmm, another victim of bug pokemon."
I heard a voice say. I felt my pants leg being pulled up and an oitment, that felt much like calamine lotion, was rubbed onto my wound. "Ahhh..." I moaned and groaned. My leg began to sting, because of the ointment. Suddenly, I felt much better and the pain went away. I began to climb to my feet, and I realized, I was awake the whole time! My eyes slowly opened, and I found myself face-to-face with a child with very country style clothes, and a tweed cap.
"Hi." he said cheerfully. "My names, Bug Catcher Benny." he said politely, waving his hand for me to shake. "You were a victim of Weedle poison." he said.
"I see." I said thoughtfully.
"Well, i'd love to stay and chat, but there are lot's of victims!" Benny began to run, and as soon as I was about to ask him why did the bug pokemon attack, he was out of sight.
"I didn't have time to thank him..." I said sadly. "But I need to catch pokemon." No time to dwadle, or anything like that, only time to train. I walked into the distance, hoping what awaited me was a pokemon capture.
-----
a new person speaks, they get their very own paragraph. when a new action by another person takes place, they also get their own paragraph. plus, i hope that you also edit the sentence grammer errors when doing this. there are a few above.

everything is ok, (battle still a little short... need to improve that). what i want from you is to go through your last story and make the paragraph changes. you don't have to but if you want to keep Pikachu, then you will. plus, this is how you get people to learn for the future. :biggrin: so until you fix the paras...

Outcome- Pikachu Not Captured!

DP- put effort in to the grade or don't grade at all.

~Jack~