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View Full Version : My First capture story... How I caught, or didn't catch, Slakoth!


Jhem
08-16-2004, 08:17 AM
This is my very first Pokèmon capture story... my very first fic I've ever written actually. I hope it's good enough. :paranoid:



I was late Sunday night and I was working on sorting photographs and notes and organizing Professor Birch's Pokèdex. It's amazing how much information this man can get in such a short amount of time, and there's always something new for him to study. He pays me by the hour to sort all the data he collects along the routes of Hoenn. I don't get paid much, but It's better than some other people get paid. Besides, I need the money to be able to buy all the things a trainer, like me, needs to get by in this world.

Just as I was getting done sorting the last pile, a man walked through the front door of the lab. I peeked around the corner to see the professor himself, with his briefcase jam-packed with photos and notes, and I just sighed and thought about how "fun" tomorrow was going to be.

Birch was late, which is a surprise because he is never late home, so I confronted him about it. "Oh, I'm sorry, Jhem, I really am," he went on "I ran into my daughter, May, in Mauville earlier and we started to chat for a while. But before I knew it, an hour had already gone by." May hadn't been home for a really long time. Birch explained to me that May was previously trying to fill up her Pokèdex and raise pokèmon to compete in contests. But she had changed her views when she found out that her neighbor, Brendan, had become the Champion at the Pokèmon League. She decided to defeat gyms and catch up to him, in hope that she could one day come across him again.

"I know it's really late Jhem and your mother is probably worried about where you are right now, but I need you to make a run to Rustboro for me. I promise I'll pay you double-overtime if you can just head over to Devon Corporation, and pick up a parcel that I had ordered. Their delivery service doesn't work this late." I agreed to run his errand and he reassured me as I walk out the door, "Great! I will inform your mother that you are out doing something for me and that you will be headed home as soon as you get finished. Thanks, Jhem. I'll have your paycheck ready tomorrow," which was great because I need more Pokèballs so I can start actually catching some monsters without having to worry about a shortage.

As I was finally headed out of Petalburg, I notice the sea and it looked more like a glazed blanket dashed with dazzling sparkles covering the landscape as if the world itself has its own bed. The sun is half-drowned by the horizon sinking beneath the crimson-lit sky. This beautiful sight was made up for as I entered Petalburg Woods. It was almost like a wall of darkness had started at the line of trees. I took a deep breath and entered the forest.

The woods were dead silent. Not a single sound could be heard except for my own footsteps, which seemed to be amplified by the silence. Just under that I could even hear my own heartbeat. I said prayers and hoped that Team Magma or Team Aqua weren't in there ready to jump me and take my lone pokèmon that had been given to me by the humble heart of Jack.

SNAP! THUD! CRACKLE! The silence was suddenly broken by the sound of a tree falling apart near me. The silence attacked me again for a mere second. Then Thwack! Something fell out of the tree onto my shoulder! I was already panicking by the time I had realized what had happened when I was on the ground, and I had already summoned my only monster, Corphish. I pushed the weighty thing off of me and backed up a little ways. I pulled out a small light that was insufficient for lighting a path, but used for examining upclose, and I noticed that it was breathing! It was covered in a very soft coat of fur and claws each as large as my fingers. Two stripes on its back side reminded me of prison-wear. I turned it over and pulled out my Pokèdex that Birch had lent me and aimed it at the sleeping pokèmon. The device Identified the monster as "Slakoth, a slacker pokèmon" It went on about how uncommon it is to see this Pokèmon actually make a move. But Corphish came up close to it to see for itself what it was.. Suddenly its eyes opened wide. It turned its head to see Corphish still examining it. I warned him to get away but he seemed compelled to disobey me. Then, without warning, the Slakoth lunged its arm at Corphish and badly scratched him.

Corphish seemed to be in serious pain. How could this seemingly lazy creature cause so much harm to a pokèmon with such an armored body? Corphish just looked up at me in just the way to let me know that he was ready to fight and that I would help him out. I commanded him to harden his body so that the next blow wouldn't hurt him so bad, and he obeyed without hesitation. As Corphish was ready for the next attack, the Slakoth just lay back down and shut its eyes. It was loafing around! I ordered Corphish to attack with his trademark Crabhammer skill to pay back for what the sloth had done to him, but the Slakoth looked back up at it and let out a huge, fulfilling yawn that stopped Corphish in his tracks, and the contagiousness of a yawn took him over. He, too let out a yawn just before finally nailing the Slakoth with his blunt claws. Then immediately, both pokèmon fell asleep. I called back Corphish to his pokèball and stared down at the bruised, sleeping Slakoth. I was thinking about trying to catch a pokèmon for the first time. I warily dipped my hand into my pack, to find that there was just one pokèball in there. I held it firmly in my grip for a few moments thinking about what my decision would be, and finally my arm swung and the ball was airborn headed straight towards the sleeping Slakoth. Then, to my surprise...
Did I catch him or not??

Tamer San
08-16-2004, 10:53 AM
Story: (Reality, Length, Plot, Details) It isn't something special my friend, yet not so bad for a first story. But in my opinion please add details, describe your surrounding, how you, your Pokemon, other Pokemon and people feels and looks like. Introduce your character better so it can be clear for us what you are talking about. Of course adding detail will add length to the story, yet you must make a good plot a story line that is exciting. Basicly, a story with this length BARELY makes you able to capture a Pidgey.
19/40

Grammer, Spelling and Structure: This was you best section my friend. No spelling mistakes and I barely noticed any grammatical ones. And I got shocked so I checked it on MS. Word and it couldn't detect anything. Very good, yet you should work on making it a longer story for a Slakoth. Good job in this area...yet no one is perfect.
29/30

Battle: (Length, Reality, Details) Well, nothing special here either. Very short and I could barely notice it. For a Slakoth, which is a almost rare and a not bad Pokemon you must make an entire post, maybe a little bit longer than this one for the battle its self. Add more attacks and describe Pokemon in battle and describe attacks. This should do...
10/30

OUTCOME: 58/100 which is very very bad. As I said, work on my advice and lengthen your story a bit and it shall do better and maybe even capture a Pokemon. Good luck and Slakoth not Captured...

~Tamer

Jhem
08-16-2004, 03:26 PM
Darn. Ohwell, you live and learn... Then get Luvs! :silly: