View Full Version : PMD : The fanfic (comment if wanted/desired)

04-06-2007, 07:52 PM
a Skitty was on the grass she was regaining consoiusness. "Hello?" "Hello are your there?" *knock knock* "Wake up you slaphead!"!

Kitty woke up. "finally your awake!" the mudkip sighed. "AAH! A SPEAKING MUDKIP! CALL 911!" The skitty yelled.

"right... My name is maddie, whats your name?" Maddie said. "Im Kitty!" the skitty said.

"strange name for, well...A BLOOMIN SKITTY!" maddie blurted out. "im not a skitty, im a human" Kitty said.

"you look like a normal skitty in every angle" maddie said. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" Kitty yelled.

"Ssh" maddie said. "help me! down here you idiots!" a poochyenna yelled.

After the rescue, poochyenna said: "Your pretty impressive, may i join your team?" "sure you can!" Kitty said.

"Heeeey! Who said you where the leader!" Maddie shouted. "i did" Kitty laughed.

i know it isnt to long, but i know next post of mine will be.

04-06-2007, 07:53 PM
"Not too long" is an understatement. Fics must be at least 3 pages in MS Word, and grammar generally helps too. But then again, you never want help, so why am I even posting?

04-06-2007, 08:07 PM
Rofl, LZ! xD

You know that the Poochyena wants to join the team?

What team?

The main characters never discussed a rescue team.

What happened to the actual rescue? You didn't describe it at all, so if that was an anime, it would have the Poochyena screaming for help, and then skip straight to after he was rescued.

Fix those, and change to a new line when someone new speaks, and it'll be okay.