Ghastly Gastly

[Squirtle,Totodile,Mudkip]

O.K. This is my first story. As they are about catching pokemon, this is about a Gastly.

GHASTLY GASTLY

Chapter 1

It was cold and dark. He held out his Pokeball in case of an attack. There was a heavy breathing down his back.
Bartholemeu wheeled around, expecting a Pokemon to jump out at him. Instead, he saw nothing. The townspeople had advised him not to come in here, that spirits haunted the cave. Now he regretted not heeding what they has said.
Indeed, someone, or something was in here. Walking along the wall of the cave, Bartholemeu tripped on a stone. Trying to regain his balance, he stumbled again. This time it was not on a rock.
The next strange thing Bartholemeu noticed was a pair of fangs closing around his head. The funny thing about it was, how could something be biting his head off? Once he was sure he was dreaming, a Ghastly face flashed in front of him. Now astonished, worried, frightened, he gripped a handhole of the wall of the cave firmly. Convincing himself that nothing was wrong, he followed the stone corridor into a still darker room.
A chill ran down Bartholemeu's spine. Stopping suddenly, he turned around and game face-to-face with a Gastly.

[Squirtle,Totodile,Mudkip]

Chapter 2

"So... you were the one who did all that?"

A dark ball formed in the middle of the gacious purple cloud. Eyes flickered open.
Bartholemeu moved his left foot back, readying his pokeball. The gastlys, mouth opened, revealing fangs like daggers. As it breathed out, a chill ran down Bartholemeu's spine. He had to get out of here. He knew, as he had heard, that you could not escape a Gastly. So, as was his instinct, Bartholemeu ran, and threw a Pokeball as a diversion - the Gastly might be interested in it, rather than persue Bartholemeu, it's prey.

_________________
O.K., it wasn't all that great... But is it a capture?

[Agent Orange]

Eh...

Length: Not nearly enough for a Gastly....hell, not enough for a Magikarp, make the story longer, have him arrive in the town, have a few side battles, whatever, just don't plop your charecter in the middle of nowhere. Put some time into it, this story looks like it took less than five minites.

Charecter Development: No good....all I know about this charecter is his name. There could have been a puddle which he looked in to give you a chance to describe his features. What is he like? What's his personality?

Story: No way...sorry, but the Gastly comes out of nowhere, your describing ths pokemon from the first sentence, this is worse than a find, battle, capture, this just skips everything. Add some intrest, make it creative! Make us graders job less like a chore, make it an enjoyable way to pass the time.

Battle: Not much to say here...there was no battle. In most stories, there is at least a pokemon battle, this one, the main charecter just chucks a pokeball at it and runs.

Spelling + Grammar:

The funny thing about it was = The funny thing about it was,
Rule: Comma Use

Handhole = Handhold
Rule: Proper way to say it, but no points deducted. Mainly a matter of choice.

Gacious = Gasous
Rule: Improper spelling.

gastlys, = Gastly's
Rule: no comma needed, also needed the apostrophy.

game face to face = came face to face
Rule: Typo

persue = pursue
Rule: Spelling


See, there a many mistakes, you should type in Microsoft word, or if you do not have that, use a dictionary.

Capture: No, even for a first try this was bad, maybe you could try again sometime?

Gastly = Not Captured.