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Ash_Pokemaster
11-21-2004, 12:35 PM
Part 1

It was a usual sunny day and Ashley, a young trainer, was enjoying the excellent weather with her favorite pokemon Jigglypuff. Nothing would ruin her day or that was what she was thinkingÖ The lake in front of her was really calm and through it, she could watch some naughty Magikarps chasing a Horsea. Suddenly, she heard some Spearows and Pidgeys shouting really loudly. She stood up and felt very anxious.

``Whatís going on Lily? ``she asked her lovely Jigglypuff. It was a really cute pokemon with a beautiful, blue bow. It was also confused.
``I think that we have to go and check it. What do you think? ``suggested Ashley.

Jigglypuff nodded and started running in order to find the cause of that mess. Its trainer followed it. However, unfortunately the only thing they saw when they reached that place was only a damaged tree. On the ground there were some tracks of a huge vehicle. They were going on to a certain place.

``Oh no weíve lost them! `` yelled Ashley disappointed, ``surely the troublemakers should have done something very nasty! Jigglypuff letís follow those tracks! ``

But before finishing her phrase an enormous branch fell down of the damaged tree and hit forcefully her pokemon. It fainted without making any moves. Ashley was frozen for a moment; she didnít know what to do. She didnít have any other pokemon.

``Keep your self-control Ashley ``she thought ``now just think what you have to do. Yes, youíll get the pokemon into the pokeball and youíll go to the pokemon center. Right! Maybe itís not and my best dayÖ ``

She collected her injured pokemon and started running to the pokemon center as fast as she could. The most neighboring center was at Goldenrod City, two miles away. She was going to reach the city when a threatening ekans dashed towards her. Now what would she do? She didnít have any pokemon to defend her. Now she had realized how useful pokemon were. While the ekans was getting closer and closer she closed her eyes. It was her last day. But before starting screaming, she heard a male voice near her.

``Go Magmar! Show that Ekans whoís the boss! Use take down! ``

A Magmar dashed from nowhere and hit Ekans with extreme force. Ekans hadnít understood what was going on.

``Are you all right? `` asked the mysterious man.

``I think yes ``answered Ashley surprised. She couldnít recognize that stranger because she was dizzy.

``Get away from there and let pokemon to arrange it, quickly! ``he said.

Ekans tried to react. He used toxic against Magmar but it missed.

``Now itís your turn Magmar! Finish off that weak pokemon with a Fire Blast; I donít think itíll be very difficult. ``said with certainty the man.

Magmar followed his trainerís orders and managed to beat his enemy in no time.

``Now Ashley, would you mind telling me what happened? I thought you had you own pokemon to fight that ekans? Why didnít you use it? ``the man asked Ashley. She looked nervously at him. She couldnít believe her eyes!

``Norman, itís you? My old school friend? Oh my God! ``said the girl really excited.

``Yes, itís me. But now could explain me how on earth you managed to get into trouble from your first two months as a trainer?

``Well I didnít use my Jigglypuff because itís injured. I was going to the pokemon center when that wild pokemon attacked me!

``But how did it happen? ``

``Lily and me heard a strange noise, we wanted to check it but my pokemon was hit when we were doing that! ``

``Oh no, you were trying to play the hero again. How many times did I tell you not to get into other peopleís business? Now be a good girl and get your pokemon to the pokemon center and never try to do something dangerous! `` said Norman.

``Ok, ok. But I have to go. My Jigglypuff has to be healed. I hope to see you some day! Bye Norman!

``See ya Ashley!

Ashley was more confused after that event. ``Norman was acting very strangely ``she thought`` he didnít use to be so aggressive to me. How odd! And why he was at that place? He was supposed to be with his family at Lavender town. And let me think; he isnít even a pokemon trainer! But who cares? I have to help my Jigglypuff. ``

She reached Goldenrod and entered the pokemon center. When Lily was healthy again, it got out of the building with its trainer.

``Well, Lily a lot of things happened while you were on your pokeball but our time is limited. We have to find out where the tracks we saw in the forest lead to! Youíre not obliged to come with me because I know itís dangerous. ``

But Jigglypuff agreed. Thus the trainer and her pokemon began walking in order to find the troublemakers. As they were wandering though the forest they came face to face with an angry looking Treeko which looked very strong.

``No time to fight you Treeko, Iím in a big hurry. ``said Ashley. But it was her biggest mistake. The wild pokemon became angrier and it tried to use tackle against Jigglypuff. However Jigglypuff was lucky enough to avoid it.

``I told you Treeko that Iím in a hurry. Jigglypuff use double edge and get rid of it! `` ordered Ashley.

Ash_Pokemaster
11-21-2004, 12:35 PM
Part 2

Jigglypuff hit Treeko but it and Ashley didnít wait to see what happened and started running. The pokemon was chasing them and they were looking for a place to hide. And the miracle happened! A quite big cave was in front of them. It looked a bit scary but they had no other choice. They got in and waited until they were sure that the Treeko had lost them.

``I think that we should now get out of here Jigglypuff! ``. Ashley didnít hear a reply and when she turned her head to see her pokemon she realized that it was missing. She also saw the same tracks she saw in the forest. Without making any noise she followed the tracks. After ten minutes walking she had reached the hiding place of a team. She couldnít believe her eyes, it was Team Aqua that had caught her pokemon! There were also numerous other pokemon trapped there. She was trembling from fear and couldnít make any move; she was paralyzed. Norman was right; she shouldnít get into other peopleís business. Then she heard someone coming behind her. Her heart was beating furiously, her end was near. And finally she recognized who was coming. It was the wild Treeko she met outside.

``Oh thank God itís you Treeko! I thought it was a member of Team Aqua. ``

The pokemon looked at her wondering. Then it searched for Jigglypuff so than it could end his battle.

``No Treeko, my pokemon isnít here. Those bad people inside have caught it. Would you please help me take my pokemon back and then I promise you that youíll finish your battle with it. `` To Ashleyís surprise Treeko agreed.

``Thank you Treeko. Now hereís the plan: weíll wait until the members of Team Aqua go to sleep and that weíll take the keys and set Jigglypuff free! Ok? `` asked the girl. The pokemon nodded.

But then happened something than made Ashley nearly faint. She noticed that the leader of Team Aqua wasÖ Norman!

Tears rolled down her cheeks. She thought that Norman was a real friend of hers, not a liar! That was because he was advising her not to try to solve the mystery. He didnít want Ashley to ruin his plans!

``Nooooooooooo `` she screamed. But that was also a mistake. All the members of the Team turned to her. Treeko was getting ready for the big battle.

``You liar! Youíve never told that you were the leader in such an evil organization! You betrayed my and your family!

``A-aaaashley what are you doing here? I told you not to get into trouble! Now boys get on the lorry! Weíre leaving! ``said Norman. They all got on the huge vehicle and started leaving.

``No stop. I gotta get my Jigglypuff back and save all those poor pokemon! `` screamed Ashley.

``You can have your Jigglypuff back but youíre not going to set those pokemon free! ``replied Norman.

Ashley took her pokemon back. She was standing like a statue watching Team Aqua leaving. She didnít know what to believe about Norman. And the moment she was going to get lost in her own world, Treeko next to her started making fuss.

``Oh yes Treeko, I forgot our battle. Letís get out of here! Jigglypuff, would you mind having a fight with Treeko? `` asked Ashley. Lily agreed. When they got out they found a suitable place to do the battle.

``Letís get started! If I beat you however, youíre gonna be mine! Go Jigglypuff! Use body slam against that Treeko! ``This attack wasnít so well-aimed and didnít cause much damage to Treeko. Now it was enemyís turn to attack. He used razor leaf and hit Jigglypuff.

``Oh no! Jigglypuff are you all right? I bet you are fine. You have faced more powerful opponents and you survived! You can do it! Slam, now! `` Luckily, it hit Treeko with great precision but the last didnít show any sign of tiredness. The enemy then used tackle.

``Weíre not going to do the same mistake Lily! Use defense curl to avoid the tackle! ``

And so did Jigglypuff. It successfully decreased the amount of damage normally caused by tackle.

``Itís our big chance to finish that battle! Use rollout quickly to create a combo! ``shouted passionately Ashley. That was a great choice from her part! Rollout caused a great deal of damage for the next four rounds. However that great attack was stopped by the body slam Treeko used.

``Oh no! We have to try harder Lily! Sing and make that pokemon go to sleep. ``continued Ashley.

Fortunately Jigglypuffís song was a total success! After that, it used doubleslap. But that made Treeko wake up. He was really furious!

``Heís using solarbeam Lily! Avoid it at all costs! Itís very harmful! ``The girl was anxious. But Jigglypuff was seriously hit.

``You fought bravely Lily but weíve lost! Come back! Thereís no need to go on. `` said Ashley disappointed.

But the pokemon wouldnít give up. It climbed the tree next to it and then jump and hit Treeko with all his strength left!

``Oh Jigglypuff, I canít believe what you did! ``Ashley was crying from her happiness! Treeko had nearly fainted. ``Pokeball go!``
1...2...3...

Tamer Marco
11-21-2004, 01:04 PM
Hey, you can't make youself catch the Pokemon. Only the grader can. And i'm not the grader, but I would say this story needs more length, a better battle, and more description.

Jack of Clovers
12-02-2004, 06:42 AM
story- i liked it. very friendly tone. for Treecko, a rare starter Pokemon, it should be longer. but this is your first story i think and you did adaquate for length.

detail- some, but it could use more. since this is the introduction of your characters, you should describe what they look like. does she wear a hat? what color is her hair? etc. details give the reader a better idea what you are trying to show.

grammer- didn't notice anything absurd.

battle- could be longer, since Treecko is more rare. battles need to be detailed more. don't just say Jigglypuff was hit by tackle, try.... "Treecko dug into the ground and leapt forward, using all his strength, pulling its shoulder in to belt Jigglypuff at the side with Tackle attack." practice adding that little bit of detail.

realty- it can happen.

tips- work on adding detail to the story. that will give you some length and make it a better story. i hope you edit and try to improve. keep it up, i enjoyed this.

Outcome- Treecko Not Captured!

~Jack~

Ash_Pokemaster
12-03-2004, 01:03 PM
Well, I think your right :happy: Treecko is quite rare.
If I give the same story but change Treecko with for example a Poochiena would I cought it?

Tamer San
12-03-2004, 06:28 PM
With such a story, Poochyena is a sure capture...and easy thing. Try something in between. Not RARE nor so easy common Pokemon. I guess that would do fine.