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akdude
11-21-2004, 11:37 PM
I usually don't share my poems or writing with people. But I guess it wouldn't hurt would it?

Take My Hand
Take my hand and close your eyes.
Take my hand and let your worries go.
Take my hand and forget your problems.
Take my hand and let us dance the night away.
Take my hand and fly with me,
Fly high into the sky.
Take my hand and let your fears go.
When I take your hand,
I look into your eyes and see the cosmos.
When I take your hand,
All is focused on your beautiful,
Extraordinary,
Young face.
Lets take each others hands,
Forget everything,
Fly high,
And follow our dreams.

Fayt
11-22-2004, 06:35 AM
I like it, great poem. Only thing I would consider is changing cosmos to heavens but thats more of a personal opinion because heavens seems to have a softer feel to it for me.
Love the use of repetition. Never occured to me how well it works in the beginning, whenever I use it it usually ends up at the end. You've shown me new light :biggrin:
Keep sharing your stuff, its good

akdude
11-22-2004, 02:33 PM
Thanks. And thank you for your opinion. When I find more poems, I'll share em.

Thanks again.

Matthew
11-29-2004, 06:32 AM
Fayt is a great writtter.... listen to his opinion.

As for your poem, great repitition, I enjoyed reading it. I love how it is kinda romatnic.... yes, I am a romantic... lol. Keep up the great writting and I exect to see more from you.