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FinalThunder
12-04-2004, 12:10 PM
Episode 1: A New Journey Colton burst through the door and went in to Oak's lab. Jack soon followed, but more quietly. Oak was standing right there when Jack walked in. " What are you two kids doing here?" Oak asked. Jack and Colton told him the whole story.
"Well, I guess you guys would like a pokemon?" Oak asked. " Well I can't speak for Colton, but I'd like one!" said Jack. " Me too!" said Colton. " Fine then.. Jack gets a newly captured Houndour.... and Colton gets a. Sandshrew." Oak carefully. The friends thanked Oak and walked off into the brightly lit afternoon.

Episode 2: Route 1 and Jack's capture!!
" So here we are on Route 1 huh?" said Jack. "Yup." said Colton. "Hey.., Colton why don't we split up and meet in the Viridian City Square at 9:00pm ?" said Jack. " Sure," Said Colton, " Go SANDSHREW!" he yelled as he ran off.

Before Jack got started he decided to go into town and get something good to eat and to see if he could get to town. When he got there he saw he had eight hours to kill. He went into the closest Poke-Burger and used a money card he got from Oak. It was for starting trainers. He bought a cheese burger for himself and a double cheese burger for his Houndour. He tossed it in his pack and went out side. "Houndour go!" Jack cried. Houndour came out and looked playfully at Jack. "Hey, you must be hungry!" Jack said to Houndour. He ripped the double cheese burger into quarters and fed one to Houndour. " Hey Houndour how about a nickname? How's...Flame?" asked Jack. "Hound. our." Houndour said cheerfully. "Well, let's go to Route 1 and train!" said Jack. The two walked through the town when Jack spotted Colton with a Pidgey, they were going into a special shop for the flying type. He must have caught another pokemon! Thought Jack. Jack and Flame went into Route 1. "What's in that bush over there?..., FLAME!, TACKLE!" yelled Jack. Flame did as he was told and out popped a Pikachu. "Hummm.., a rare find on this route!, no time to waste, finish it off, Ember!" cried Jack. The Pikachu fainted and Jack threw a pokeball at it. It jiggled for a time then stopped. "Yeah we caught the Pikachu!!!" Jack yelled. Then he gave another quarter of the cheese burger to Houndour. They started off again further back toward Pallet town. They found a huge Pidgey, but it was easy to take down. Jack for some odd reason did not try to capture the Pidgey. He left it lay there so it could be free, but it would only happen this once Jack promised himself.

Episode 3: Pallet Town and The New Pokedex. " Well, here we are Flame back in Pallet Town" said Jack. "Why don't we show Prof. Oak the pokemon we've caught and get it healed" said Jack.

"Well if it isn't Jack!" exclaimed Oak. "Good thing you came I was gonna give you a pokedex, I completely forgot!" Oak handed Jack the pokedex and he got Pikachu healed.

Later outside Jack made Pikachu come out of his ball. "Pika...Chu?" Pikachu said. "Hey guys how are you?" Jack asked "Pi.. Pi.. Chu!" Pikachu said. And with that he jumped into Jack's back pack. "Hmmmm. it's 3:00 six hours left." Said Jack. While they were walking Jack thought up a nick name for Pikachu. His nickname was now Spark.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Jack picked up the Pokedex and said hello into it. "Hey this is Colton,why don't we meet in Pallet town by the pokemon center tomorrow, it's a new town they built in the old Viridian Forest. Well I'll ciya at 2:00 pm tomorrow!" and with that Colton was gone.

FinalThunder
12-04-2004, 12:15 PM
Episode 4: GO Flame

''Hello who is this.... Michelle... hey how are ya," Jack respond in a surprising way. "What in the world you're saying magnemites are attacking, but why?" "You battled their leader Steelix and they're mad at you!" '' Are you making this up?" "Fine I am on my way.

Two hours later

''Yeah what heck'' Jack says. "Go Flame" "Help my sister."

Battle

"Flame are you okay?" "Flame go after the shiny one it is the leader of the magnemite use take down on it," Nooooooooooooooooooooo! you're badly hurt come on use ember and hurt it!" Jack is frantically worried that Flame may faint.

"Flame use ember and make it powerful!'' "Yes it fainted!" "No, Flame return, Go Pikachu!" "Hey sis can I borrow a pokeball?'' "Thanks!"

"Here's goes pokeball Catch the magnemite and.......

Agent Orange
12-04-2004, 08:31 PM
Okay then...sorry kid, but this time I'm giving you a real grade, I need to get my job back, so no more easy slideby's for you! >:O

Story: This sucks dude, guy gets starter, takes off for the woods, boom, finds a Pikachu, catches it, gets in another battle for his sister (Who must be imaginary or something, because she never said a word.) and wins in five seconds.

Grammar/Spelling: Yeah, there was more than a few things here, but it could be worse.

Battle: Pikachu: There was no battle, I mean, come ON. Battles should take up at LEAST a paragraph, more is better, not five sentences. Magnamite: No way, once again, LONGER. BETTER. EASIER TO UNDERSTAND.

Length: If this is indeed a two piokemon story, it should take up two whole thread pages of good detailed writing. This is far, far too short, and this alone would kill a good grade.

Detail: Atrocious, make this story like a book! I want to know eveything, I want to see what your charecter sees, feel what your charecter feels, hear what he hears, make your story do that! Spend at least a week on a story, make it your best!

Reality: Either your character has a Sweet Scent mint (I'm kidding, don't try and get away with that), pokemon don't pop out at him like these do.

Outcome: Pikachu not captured, Magnimite not captured.