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Patronus
01-19-2005, 09:47 PM
Edited!!!!

Snow spiraled towards the ground, casting a spell of winter as it fell. It landed on the shoulder of fourteen year old Harvey, and he hugged himself to keep warm.

The black jumpsuit he was wearing did no good, and he had forgot to bring a coat.

Although he knew movement would keep him warm, he sat down. He couldn't believe he was out doing this again. Out in this dangerous world, raising creatures he had lost two years ago. Even he didn't know where he got the courage to retry living his life.

[two years ago]

Harvey stood at the edge of a large lake. The moon gazed at its reflection in the water, casting enough light to allow the twelve year old trainer to see what he was doing.

He didn't know what he was doing there. He hadn't even been headed towards this lake earlier, but by nightfall, he had arrived. Maybe it was the sounds of rage he heard in his head. Screaming, growling, cursing. It was because of his gift that he had even heard the cries for help. His ability to hear Pokèmon and understand them, sometimes telepathically, was sometimes a curse.

Harvey called out all six of his Pokèmon. He had a special bond with each of them, and he loved them so.

Out of the lake, columns of water were thrust into the air. The columns soon disappeared and revealed a dozen or so gigantic blue dragons. Harvey had never seen so many Gyrados in his life, and he was scared out of his mind.

One of the Gyrados shot a Hyper Beam at him, and he was thrown back, hard. He opened his eyes just in time to see the ones he loved being killed.

[end]

Harvey sighed and tried to push the memories out of his mind. Tears swelled in his eyes and he tried to swallow them.

Day after day, he asked himself why they had to die. He wanted an answer, but never received it. He wanted to know what those Gyrados were doing killing in the first place.

Harvey closed his eyes and wept softly while being watched from behind....

Patronus
01-22-2005, 03:14 AM
Harvey was pushed into the ground by a large, blue beetle. A female Heracross had Tackled him --- whether aggressively or playfully, he didn't have time to decide --- but he struggled to get back to his feet.

"Hera!" A trainer must be stupid to be out here in this cold weather.

"Not as stupid as a Pokèmon attacking a trainer!" Harvey retorted.

Realizing that Harvey could understand her, Heracross backed off and looked at him like he was some kind of freak. "Hera? Cross! Cross!" A human understood me? That's a first.

"I hope this isn't your first battle," Harvey said, reaching towards the loose gold belt around his waist. He took a Pokèball off of it and threw it in front of him. "Poli! Water Gun!"

As soon as the small, blue tadpole Poliwag leaped out of his ball, he spit a hard gush of water at Heracross. She wasn't expecting this, and was thrown back.

Getting to her feet, she ran at Poli with her horn leading her.

"Poli! Dodge it!" Harvey yelled.

But Heracross was too quick. "Poli!" Oh sh-

Heracross shoved her horn underneath Poli and thrust her head backwards. Poli slammed into a tree and a pile of snow from the branches fell on top of him.

"Cross!" Is that all you got?

"Poli! Don't let her talk to you like that!" Harvey yelled. "Doubleslap!"

Poli got up slowly, shook the snow off of himself, and charged at Heracross. But once again, she was too fast for him, and she swatted him away with her horn. He landed on the ground, rolled a few times, and was once again covered in snow.

"Wag! Wag! Poli!" Oh you've got to be kidding me.

"All right Poli, get serious!" Harvey commanded. "Stay far from her! Use Hypnosis!"

Poli shook the snow off once again and stared at Heracross intently, his eyes becoming a pool of purple haze. She met his maze, swayed a few times, and fell to the ground.

"Hydro Pump!"

"Waaaaaaaaaag!" Sucka.

Poli let out a cry, and a stream of water shot up from underneath Heracross, lifting her into the air.

"Harder!" Harvey yelled.

The water began to flow more forcefully, and Heracross shot further into the air and slammed into the ground.

Harvey pulled an empty ball from his belt and threw it at Heracross. In a flash of red light, she disappeared, and the ball dropped to the ground.

Jack of Clovers
01-23-2005, 10:06 PM
story: sad background :sad: but overall, you need say more about your character. like where this is taking place? Kanto? Johto? Montana :eh: you also need more length for a Heracross.

detail: it's good. though, you need to describe everything you can. what does your character look like? where exactly are you? how did you get there?

grammer: good.

battle: short for a Heracross and detailed enough. the battle needs to be longer and go for a few more rounds.

realty: understanding Pokemon? very hard to believe unless you can explain why he can do this.

tips: longer story, more battle, more detail. Heracross is a little harder to get so the story needs to be a little better. just edit ur story and add what's needed.

Outcome- Heracross Not Captured!

~Jack~