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Channel Delibird
01-23-2005, 10:12 AM
Catching Cold
A Channel Delibird production, Written and Directed by Vex

WARNING: This story contains time-travel paradoxes and annoying egotistical penguins. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Now, down to business. Before I can tell you the story of Catching Cold, I must digress some background information regarding the events that take place before. The heroes of this story, Vex and Delibird, are the sole staff of the now-famous Channel Delibird, a television channel for which Vex works as a cameraman, and Delibird, his Pokemon, does everything else and takes all the credit.

About five weeks ago, the channel was in a dead end. Nobody was watching it, and it was in danger of being wiped out. In a fit of stupidity (an act now trademarked by Delibird), the small penguin announced, to Vex's horror, that they would film live footage of the legendary bird Ho-oh. The details of this somehow-eventually-successful escapade are described in the as-yet unfinished "Nightmare on Channel Delibird" (see Pokemon Fan Fiction).

To make a long story short, our heroes managed to grab the footage and Channel Delibird has become one of the most popular channels in all of Kanto, Johto, Hoenn and Orre. But now we delve into some of the darkest days of the channel - the days referred to among the staff (that's Vex and Delibird, remember?) as the Time When The Really Confusing Stuff Happened...

Bellsprout Hotel, Celadon City

Silence. Absolute silence. Absolutely nobody, nothing, was making even the slightest sound. Everything was still. Yes, everything.

About bloody time, thought Vex, as he lay back on the bed, eyes closed and mind at total peace. After such a tiring few weeks working on the Channel, it felt so good to just lounge around, doing absolutely nothing at all. This was the best day off he'd ever had.

This is the only day off you've ever had.

Shut up. Nobody asked your opinion.

Too bad, buster, you got it anyway.

Vex picked up a pillow and started bashing it repeatedly over his head. This was terrible - Delibird's personality was invading part of his mind! Just when he thought he'd found some peace at last, as well...he'd give that penguin a right talking to when he went back to the Studios tomorrow morning.

Sighing, he wondered how Delibird was getting on. He'd never used the TV camera before, but had insisted when Vex set off that he was perfectly capable of filming the day's shows himself. Not that Vex particularly minded - as long as that idiot handed over his payslip at the end of the month, he didn't care how bad the shows were, or at least not the ones that Delibird made himself. Vex preferred to make programmes he could be proud of when he was working, but if he didn't have to...well, that was a different story. After all, Delibird had enforced upon him the undoubted worst time of his life when they'd been trying to catch footage of Ho-oh.

His final thought was "Stuff the penguin" before he drifted off to sleep.

Channel Delibird Studios, Saffron City

CLUNK!

"OW!"

"(CENSORED)"

He'd dropped the camera again. God damnit, why hadn't Vex told him how heavy it was? It was his fault. It was ALWAYS his fault.

Delibird knew, of course, that nothing was ever his own fault. Simply put, he was the most fabulous being in existence, and was therefore incapable of doing wrong. That's very clever of you, Delibird. You're amazing, he thought, before agreeing with himself.

Now, how to fix the stupid camera? It didn't look too well after all those falls from Delibird's shoulder. Or, at least, he assumed that it wasn't well - after all, he'd never read the manual, and for all he knew, its current state of being in tiny little bits, all of which in flames, could actually enhance the video quality.

Perhaps you should call Vex, he thought.

What? Are you crazy? You're a million times more intelligent than him. He'd probably vapourise it if he tried to fix it.

You're right, Me. I'm so sorry for ever doubting you.

Apology accepted. Now let's fix the camera!

And so, beaming proudly at his incredible force of charisma, Delibird promptly pulled out all the wires in the burning camera, and pressed them together, creating a small glowing portal in front of him (he knew it was a portal because at the top was a neon sign which flashed out the words "Portal To A Parallel Dimension" in bright pink letters), which sucked Delibird and the remains of the TV camera through and into a parallel dimension.