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Lord Celebi
02-05-2005, 12:12 AM
It was a bright and beautiful day. The Aqua Leader, rust (Who will be referred to I in a moment) was walking to his house on top of a mountain in Sootopolis.

“Damnit! Why can’t I catch a Pokemon?”

I looked down to see a red Pokeball in my, and threw it into the river.

“Serves me right for buying Balls in Littleroot,” I mumbled.

I walked into my house. Plain, and boring. There was a small kitchen, standard fridge, standard sink, standard cupboards. Then I turned my head and saw I forgot to make my bed this morning. I quickly brought the sheets up as far as they could go, and tucked the edges under my mattress. I picked up a Mudkip PokePlushie and put him on top of my bed. I then sat in a chair and turned on my TV.
An announcer came on and said that a small colony of Shellder have come to Sootopolis. Sheesh. There was a small colony of Clamperl last time, and there were only two! And don’t get me started on that Charmander.

“Shellder are very rare in the Hoenn Region. If you’re a trainer, you should catch one of these!”

I slumped in the chair. It hurt a little, because it wasn’t a Lay-Z-Poke. It was a normal chair chair. I slipped on a Wetsuit and carried my fins, Goggles, and air tank. I put a belt on that had two Pokeballs; Marshtomp and Spheal. I left my house, and locked it on my way out. On my way down, I saw Wallace running to the river.

“Hey!” I shouted.

“Hey Yourself! I’m after that Shellder colony!” Wallace shouted.

“Oh no you aren’t! Marshtomp! Use Water Gun on Wallace!”

Wallace began to giggle, “Cut that out!” Marshtomp Stopped.

He wouldn’t be giggling if he knew who I was. Just a few days ago, I was an anonymous whistleblower and ratted out Archie. God, I wish I could have gotten reward money. She must have donated it to charity or something. Wallace let his Milotic out, “Dive!” A protective bubble surrounded Wallace, and he went Underwater. I let Marshtomp bac kin its ball, and then put on my Scuba Gear (Except the Fins). I ran down to the lake and put my fins on.

I jumped into the water, and than swam down. Wallace was already pretty deep, by rough estimation, 40 feet. I swam down further. Soon a Shellder swam by. Wallace let his Luvdisc out, “Surf!”
A Underwater Wave of water went splashing at the Shellder. It crashed into a wall. Wallace threw an Ultra Ball. 1… 2… 3…!

“Damn you! That was mine!” I said, barely understandable.

“Too bad. I’m gonna go train him in my gym!”

I swam a little further. I picked up a rock and moved it. A Corphish came up and grabbed my leg.

“OWOWOWOWOWOWOWO! Marshtomp!”

The mud-fish came out, and knew it was hurting my leg. Marshtomp used Tackle on the Corphish and it came off my leg. The Corphish looked tired. It still stood strong, and came back with a Crabhammer. Marshtomp tackled Corphish again, and it hit the wall.

Well… it was a wall. It broke open revealing a Shellder living in there. The Shellder, obviously angry by the not-so-nice look on its face used Clamp on Corphish.
Marshtomp assisted with Water Gun. Which sent a stream of water (Though it couldn’t be seen) at Corphish pushing it and the Shellder against the wall. The Corphish looked even more tired. Soon, the Shellder let go. Corphish came with another Crabhammer to Marshtomp. Marshtomp started to get weaker. Marshtomp then launched another Water Gun, flinging Corphish onto the wall. Corphish then sank to the bottom of the lake.

The Shellder came out from behind a rock, and looked happy. It motioned to my belt. I decided it wanted to be captured. I threw a Poke Ball and…

JohtoTrainer
02-05-2005, 12:29 AM
Just a suggestion, you should put spaces in between your paragraphs.

Lord Celebi
02-13-2005, 03:12 AM
Umm... Will someone grade this?

Jack of Clovers
02-18-2005, 09:37 PM
how'd i miss this? lol

story:
ineresting conflict but you don't explain to much of it. im talking about the Wallace/Archie thing you mentioned but didn't go into. i don't understand it.

grammer:
"I looked down to see a red Pokeball in my :question:, and threw it into the river."
...in my what?

detail:
you need to describe more. how old are you? what do you look like? maybe make your house a little less standard/borring.
"An announcer came on and said that a small colony of Shellder have come to Sootopolis. Sheesh. There was a small colony of Clamperl last time, and there were only two! And donít get me started on that Charmander."
what about Charmander. if you're going to mention it, then go into detail. detail will make your story longer, better, and more equipped to catching that Pokemon you want.

battle:
one paragraph will not do. it needs to be at least half a full post. work on the battle length.

realty:
interesting way to describe Dive....

tips:
longer battle, more detail to the storyline.

Outcome- Shelder Not Captured!

~Jack~