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Hydros
02-22-2005, 02:08 AM
Ready For Grading!
Continuation of Mystery of Frier
Mystery Revealed
Part One
Chickorita popped out of the Pokeball Jac threw. A red aura fumed out the ball and revealed a Chickorita. The catch was unsuccessful. The Chickorita was angry, like a Whismur throwing a tantrum. The Chickorita ran from Ariel’s small porch and back in to the gloomy fall covered woods. The trees were different colors, and Pokemon flourished there. Jac looked into the woods. He felt so worthless and down inside. His head bent low as he walked toward Ariel. He looked up and saw her small pretty face glowing in the moonlight. She also walked toward Jac. They both walked toward each other as they accepted defeat from their sad emotions. Jac reached his hand out toward Ariel and said.

“I’m sorry for everything. Both of our Pokemon are pretty tired.”

Ariel nodded in agreement. She walked toward Jac once more.

“Frier used to be a big tourist site …, unfortunately many tourist were careless about the national Pokemon reserve, I remember it like yesterday… … … …”, said Ariel.


“Mommy, said young Ariel, the tourists are going into the national reserve! They might go into the ancient ruins.”
“They won’t dear, said Ariel’s mother, why don’t you go make sure honey.”

Young Ariel ran to the Nation Reserve. She was so excited to be helping out. Her long life dream was to be a Pokemon ranger. She walked up to block the path to the ruins. She looked at the beautiful terrain and all the Pokemon. The Aipoms hanging on the trees like playful monkeys. She turned and saw a swift four legged Pokemon. She had never seen one like it before. The Pokemon walked pass her and headed toward the ruins. She closely followed. Ariel walked closer to the ruins, the national reserve soon transformed into a bare and very bland desert. There were no trees and no pokemon in sight. She turned around to see her comfy reserve but there was nothing… The pokemon walked closer.

“All you have been shown is an illusion.”, said the Pokemon, “You have been fooled by the minds of wealthy and greedy humans. You, young girl can change this and show the truth to Frier…”

“That’s why Pokemon have been disappearing, they all were illusions…, figments of our imagination!”, said Ariel.
“So you did all of this, its your fault people have been fleeing.” stated Jac.

Ariel nodded. Jac looked at his pokeball remembering how injured Piloswine was. He threw his pokeball to the ground. Piloswine appeared and a seconds notice. Jac opened his pack and sprayed Piloswine with a potion. Piloswine nudged Jac with joy. Jac patted Piloswine on the head. Piloswine fell right asleep. Ariel grabbed Spinarak and lied he down on a fluffy bed. Ariel looked over Jac and saw that he fell asleep. She walked to the phone and explains to Jac grandmother that he’d be staying over. She walked to her bed and murmured to herself.

The next morning brought an unusual happiness to the environment. The sun was bright and hanging from the sky like a cocoon on a forest tree. The clouds floated and moved swiftly across the sky. Jac woke up yawning. He pulled the sheets off off of his head, and sat up pushing his legs off the couch. Once he was awake he walked to Ariel’s room to find her snoring loudly. Jac laughed and walked to the kitchen. Jac saw Ariel’s mother making tea. Good thing she and her husband went to dinner last night.

“Would you like some tea”, she said, “This is really a nice area”

“Sure”, Jac said as he picked up his cup of tea. Piloswine trudged out of its domain. Ariel’s mother walked upstairs to her room. Jac walked back to Ariel’s room. She was wide awake. There was no sign of drowsiness in her complexion.

“Your awake…, what’s on your mind?” asked Jac.

I was just wondering what that Pokemon meant when he said you have to show freir the truth, and why no one else saw the vast bare desert. Why people only saw the disappearing illusions,” she said, “It’s kind of funny that my mind is dwelling on this after 2 years.”

Both children laughed, though it was a serious matter. Spinarak crawled out from under Ariel’s sheets. I looked tired.

“I must still be tired”, said Ariel.

She recalled Spinarak to its pokeball, and set it on her nightstand. She opens the drawer and took a pen and a sheet of paper. She wrote a list of things she need to do. The blue ink appeared on a golden thin piece of paper. As she wrote Jac saw a pink pokeball with red hearts. It looked old and had specs of dust all over it.

“What’s in the pokeball?” asked Jac.
“My grandmother’s Pokemon… Its locked I can’t find the key.” She answered.

Jac eyed the pokeball. His mind was taken off of it when Ariel said, “Maybe we should visit Pryce?”

“First I should go home.” said Jac.

Jac walked back to the couch gathered all of his things and recalled Piloswine who was sitting watching television. On his way out the house he stumbled on a long twig. And fell to his face. His grandmother was on the step as usual and laughing at him, she almost fell off. Chansey was trying her hardest to calm her down.
*** *** ***

Hydros
02-27-2005, 06:49 PM
Night came and it was a very long day of boredom. All Jac did was sit around with Ariel and watch television. Jac was about to get up when the television caught his attention. The television was advertising a competition being held in Celadon City.

“The winner will get the prize money and a choice of tree rare Pokemon”, explained the anchorman, “Remember trainers there only tow weeks to prepare! This was JN4DT your local Pokemon news station.”

“Should we enter Jac?” said Ariel.

“How are we going to get there? It’s in another region.” explained Jac.

“We could go to Goldenrod City and take the train.” said Ariel.

“Ok that’s a plan”, said Jac.

Jac and Ariel walked from the living room to the kitchen where Ariel’s parents and Jac’s grandmother were standing. They looked like they were talking about a serious matter. Jac looked at his grandmother. The glare in her eyes frightened Jac. Ariel looked at her parents. Suddenly the doorbell rang. Ariel’s parents walked out of the room to answer and greet their guest.

“Grandmother, what’s going on?” Jac asked.

“Ariel’s parents and I have talked about her future, as well as yours”, she explained, “We know Ariel can see trough the illusions. I can see trough them also. Jac, I grew up in Frier.”

Ariel’s parents walked back in the room. They were accompanied by Jac’s mother.

“Jac you and Ariel must travel to the Frier region and discover the mysteries of the ruins.” said Jac’s Grandmother.

“Why?” said Jac and Ariel simultaneously.

“… … Pryce has gone missing and we think it is connected to the Mystery of Frier. We can’t leave until we find him…”, said Jac’s mother.

Piloswine and Spinarak walked into the room. Ariel and Jac recalled there Pokemon to their Pokeball. Both Pokemon transformed into a red beam of light and were transported to the red and white sphere.

“We have to leave in the middle of the night?” said Ariel.

“Yes, we can not waste any time.” said Ariel’s father.

Jac walked out into the fierce night. They once beautiful fall cover woods transformed into a scary dark cave in the blink of an eye. Jac and Ariel walked into the woods hesitantly.

“To get to Frier we’ll have to go through all the regions, Kanto, Hoenn, Orre. It will be fun Jac. We can enter the contest.” said Ariel.

Jac just nodded his head and walked ahead of her. He never asked for this. He did not want it. He expected a simple adventure a quest where he can just collect Pokemon and be the best.

“HootHoot”

A HootHoot swept over Jac and Ariel and grabbed Jac’s pokeball.

“NOOO” screamed Jac, “Piloswine!”

Jac stood helplessly as his poor Piloswine was stolen from him. Jac reached in his pocket…He knew he would have to use his father’s Pokemon one day.

“I choose you! Flaffy!” yelled Jac.

Flaffy appeared tired and aroused from a long sleep. Flaffy turned to Jac. Jac pointed at the Flying HootHoot. Flaffy immediately jumped and shot a bullet of ellectricity toward HootHoot’s left wing. HootHoot spotted the yellow electricity shooting toward it. HootHoot speeded down toward the earths crust. Its feet landed straight to the ground. The HootHoot speeded with the pokeball still in its mouth. It whacked Flaffy in the face with pokeball.

“Jac you look like you need help,” said Ariel, “Spinarak go!”

Spinarak used a string shot to grab the pokeball. Murkrow would not let go. This was Flaffys chance HootHoot was distracted. Flaffy Jumped in the air and used a Thunder Shock. The Bolt of lighting struck HootHoot. HootHoot sprung to the ground and Spinarak was Able to grab the pokeball. The pokeball hit the ground with enough strength to release Piloswine.

“Piloswine take down!” Commanded Jac.

Piloswine rushed toward HootHoot with a powerful blow! HootHoot was knocked into a tall tree behind it. After almost loosing Piloswine he realized that Pokemon were not a thing to collect and train they were his friends. He also accepted that it was his and Ariel’s quest to save Frier.

Jac threw his pokeball at HootHoot. The sphere shook and shook. Jac waited for it to stop.

Tamer San
03-01-2005, 09:32 AM
Story:
Nothing much special in here, and you could have made this longer by more details and explaining what was in the bird's mind stealing your Pokeball, but the length and the plost are enough for such a Pokemon as Hoothoot =P
30/40

Grammer/Spelling:
Well, honostly, I haven't noticed any major mistakes, just common typos and some grammatical but don't worry...as every grader says in this section..."None is Perfect" ^^
16/20

Battles:
Well, I liked how you started the story with a battle, I could have imagined it "As seen on TV" =P. The Hoothoot battle was kindda short but you've got a type advantage with the Flaffy so its cool with me. Not bad =)
22/30

Reality:
It happens, but you should have given the bird a motive to steal your Pokeball >=(
7/10

OUTCOME- Hoothoot is captured with a score of 75/100 for a short lengthed story. Congratulations Hydros and take good care of the Hoothoot ^^

Hariken4
03-01-2005, 11:12 AM
Wow, that was close! One point less and it would've been a fail, wouldn't it? Anyway, good job, OM!

Tamer San
03-01-2005, 11:46 AM
Not neccissarly Harison, this is how it works for me ^^

Short-Common: 70/100
Short-Uncommon: 80/100
Short-Rare: 90/100
Short-Super Rare: 95/100

Medium-Common: 65/100
Medium-Uncommon: 75/100
Medium-Rare: 85/100
Medium-Super Rare: 95/100

Long-Common: 60/100
Long-Uncommon: 70/100
Long-Rare: 80/100
Long-Super Rare: 90/100