View Full Version : To make him love me

11-09-2007, 10:24 PM
To make him love me

Part one


Ashley put down her pen and sighed, sneaking another glance at her crush, Taylor. She adored the way his soft brown hair fell almost to his shoulders, and the way his chestnut brown eyes twinkled mischievously in the light. He was tall and thin, yet quite muscular. He was looked up to in his group of friends as a fierce leader, ready to take on the world. But, under his rough and tumble attitude, Ashley was sure that there was a sweet, caring boy.

The girl herself was really nothing special. She had a rather large nose, short, mouse brown hair, dull green eyes and pale skin – not very pleasing to the eye. Short in stature and weighing on the heavier side of average, she was a social outcast. Not one of the cliques would accept her – each one turning her down.

Suddenly, the object of Ashley’s affections turned his head around and looked directly at her. The girl held his gaze for a few moments, before averting her eyes. She stared down at her textbook, willing the final bell of Friday to ring. Luckily for her, it was the end of the period, and the blessed bell rang.

Slamming her book shut and packing up her things, Ashley gave Taylor one more quick glance before walking out of the room. Walking swiftly down the quickly filling corridors, the short girl smiled to herself. As she reached her locker and put her books away, she glanced around the hallway once more. Smiling to herself as she saw Taylor leaning against the wall, she let out a dreamy sigh. Diverting her attention from him, she took out her schoolbag.

The only time that Ashley really had any time to think was when she was walking home from school, immersed in nature. As she strolled through the forest on her way home, she gazed at the amazing scenery, having only glanced fleetingly at it on previous occasions.

The leaves on the trees had turned a beautiful shade of golden-brown with Autumn, and she heard them crunch under her feet. A cool breeze tugged at her hair and clothing, rustling the leaves that were left on the trees, and chilling her slightly. An earthy smell filled her nostrils, and the girl closed her eyes. She listened to everything going on around her – the cooing of a Pidgey, the rustling of a Rattata in the bushes, trying to find a comfy place to rest.

Ashley opened her eyes and continued walking, thinking about possible ways to make Taylor fall in love with her. It was then that she remembered that she had found an old book in the back of her shelf a few days ago: Spells and Potions. With the thought that she might be able to make the boy she was in love with fall in love with her, she sprinted the rest of the way home.


“Mum, I’m home!” called Ashley as she walked into her house.

Ashley didn’t actually expect her mother to answer – it was just to let her know that she had returned from school. As she climbed the stairs to her room, the excitement bubbling up in her grew. Opening her door, she tossed her bag inside and did a dive onto the bed. Peeling off her socks and shoes, the girl took a swift glance around her incredibly messy room, and located the white bookshelf in the corner.

She walked over to it and removed the old, worn book that she was looking for. It was dark blue with swirls on it, and a purple gem in the centre of the cover. Above the gem were faded words printed in gold: Spells and Potions. The same words were printed again on the spine. She took a look at the contents, remembering that Taylor had a fixation with dark type Pokemon.

“Aha!” Ashley murmured to herself, pointing at the page number she wanted. “This’ll work!”

She flicked to the page, coughing a little as the dust from the book billowed into her face. Looking at the page, she creased her brow in concentration; the words were rather faded. Still, it was readable, and the page said this;

To turn into a Pokemon

If a person wishes to undergo the transformation, one must get DNA from the Pokemon they wish to transform into, and then mix it with DNA of themselves in hot water with Caterpie silk. Then they must drink the mixture, and repeat the name of the Pokemon that they wish to transform into thirteen times, and the reason that they wish to undergo this transformation. If the powers that be deem your reason acceptable, they will grant you the power to transform into that Pokemon whenever you wish. However, if you get caught by a trainer while in that form, you will be cursed to stay as a Pokemon for the rest of your life.

Ashley marked her page, and then hid the book underneath her bed, away from prying eyes. As she slipped on a pair of sneakers, ideas raced through her head at all of the possible choices of Pokemon. She finally settled on the first dark type Pokemon that she could grab some DNA off of.

“I’m going out for a while, mum!” she called to her mother, who gave her an affirmative noise.

She left her house and shut the door quietly, grinning to herself. As she looked towards the woods, she was once again mesmerised by the breathtaking sight of the Autumn leaves. Shaking her head to rid herself of the distraction, the girl headed off into the trees, looking for the ingredients she needed.

Peering through the trees, Ashley easily found some Caterpie silk caught on a branch. Pocketing it, she checked off one of the items on her mental checklist. Looking around, she once again saw something she needed for her potion – a Sneasel.

It was a very dark green colour – almost black, with a long, pink feather on one of its ears, and three more for a tail. It had one gem on its forehead and one on its chest, both glinting golden. Blood-red eyes blinked in the sunlight, taking in the beauty of nature. None of this really stood out, because possibly the most distinguishing features of this creature were the long, sharp claws on the ends of its hands.

Ashley grinned, and walked towards it, accidentally stepping on a twig and cracking it in her haste. The Sneasel jumped at the sudden noise, and stood erect. It paused for a moment, listening for further noise, and then dashed off into the woods.

Swearing under her breath, the girl pivoted on the balls of her feet, and then walked off, in search of another dark type. It didn’t take long, though, because soon she heard a cry. Whipping around, she saw a dark shape flying away, leaving behind a single black feather.

“Hmm…” Ashley murmured to herself, “I think that was a Murkrow…”

Snatching the feather from the ground, she examined it closely. After about half a minute, she nodded and slipped it into her pocket. Smiling to herself, she jogged out of the woods, eager to start her potion.


“I’m back, mum!” Ashley hollered into the house.

“Okay, dear!” the girl’s mother called from her room.

The girl smiled – it would be easy to get the hot water, with her mother in her bedroom. She took a cup from the cupboard, and filled it with hot water. Careful not to spill any, she walked up the stairs and to her room as quickly as she could.

When she got back into the room, she sat on her Mareep skin rug, and put down the cup. She got the Murkrow feather and the Caterpie silk from her pocket, and then plucked a single hair brown from her head. Wrapping the feather and the hair in the silk, she placed it into the cup where a reaction immediately took place.

As the ingredients started to dissolve, the water frothed and bubbled, spilling down the sides. Ashley didn’t mind this, though, as she was too intrigued by the chemical reaction. When the water finally sat still, she looked in the cup. Not only were the ingredients gone, but the water was now a murky purple.

Reaching under her bed, she re-read the instructions in the book, just so she knew exactly what to do. She took another look at the glass of murky liquid, and then downed it in one gulp.

As soon as it touched her tongue, Ashley’s gag reflex activated. It tasted like she was drinking a cup of ice cold arsenic, and at the same time her mouth was burning. Nonetheless, she managed to down it all. As she swallowed the last drop, she put the glass down and sat there for a few moments, feeling rather queasy. When she felt a bit better, she remembered what she had to say.

“Murkrow,” murmured the girl, repeating it twelve more times. She paused, and then whispered her reason, “To make him love me.”

As soon as these words passed her lips, she felt her body start to change. First she shrunk to one foot tall, and then her ears became smaller - shrinking into her head, leaving only small slits. The girl’s nose and mouth elongated and joined together, forming a bright yellow beak. Her arms turned into wings, and the skin on her legs became rough, almost scaly. Her hair turned into raven black feathers and twisted themselves into a hat shape on top of her head. Lastly, more feathers began to sprout all over her body, with the longest on her wings, and jutting out of her rump as a tail.

She looked down at her wings, amazed at how far she could turn her head. The Murkrow made a little chirp and tried to figure out a way to get out from under the clothes that were now much too big for her.

After a lot of worming, she managed to free herself from the pile of clothes, and started working on a way to get out of her room. Looking at the window, she wished she was human again so that she could open it. An idea striking her, she imagined herself as a human.

She focused on her short brown hair, her larger than average nose, and dusting of freckles. Her emerald green eyes, and her body with average proportions.

Suddenly, Ashley felt quite cold. Looking down at herself, she found that she was once again a human, and standing stark naked in the middle of the room. Deciding against getting dressed again and then having to wiggle out of her clothes, the girl quickly opened the window and imagined a Murkrow. Soon, she was quite small, and quite warm under her feathers.

Hopping up the mounds of possessions on the floor, the small black Pokemon climbed onto the bed and onto the window sill. Ashley raised her wings and spread her flight feathers uncertainly, not sure what to do.

Leaping out of the window, the Murkrow floated on a breeze, not quite sure what to do. She flew over the forest, slowly losing altitude as she soared. Soon she was just clipping the tops of the trees with her feet. As she went through the trees, she eventually bashed into a branch. Falling to the ground, the Murkrow lay still, wondering what had just happened.


Ashley snapped her head in the direction of the laughter, and saw a Pokemon that looked almost the same as her – another Murkrow. He landed beside her, still chuckling.

“I saw your crash,” he snorted, “It wasn’t too bad for a first flight, though.”

Ashley gaped, “How did you know it was my first flight?!”

“Because,” said the other Murkrow with a wink, “I’m the one who gave you the feather in the first place! And, it was kind of obvious to anyone watching that you had no idea what you were doing.”

“Oh!” exclaimed the female, ignoring the male’s second comment and pushing herself to her feet, “Thank you so much!”

“Don’t mention it,” said her male counterpart, waving a wing nonchalantly, “Now, do you want me to teach you to fly?”

“Wow, that would be great!” grinned Ashley, “Oh, by the way, my name’s Ashley.”

“I’m Talon. Now, follow me…”


“Umm, Talon, are you sure this is safe?”

Ashley peered over the edge of the ledge, gulping at the long way down. It had taken them over an hour, but they had managed to hop up stones onto a ledge high above the trees.

“Oh, don’t be silly Ash, I’ll be right there the catch you if you fall!” cackled the male Murkrow, using Ashley’s nickname.

“Well… okay…” said Ashley, still sort of unsure.

“Alright, let’s go!” exclaimed Talon, shoving his friend off the ledge, and taking off after her.

Ashley squawked in fright and flapped wildly, attempting to stay aloft. She calmed slightly when Talon glided in beside her, calling out directions.

“Flap your wings at the same time and you should be fine!” he shouted over the rush of the wind.

Ashley started to glide for a few moments, before flapping her wings again, simultaneously.

“Alright,” she said, “Now how do I turn?”

Talon laughed, “It’s easy. Just tilt your body to the side you want to go to.”

Taking his advice, the dark type Pokemon tilted her body sharply. She gasped as she felt the wind rush past at faster speeds, and she did a banking turn. Doing a complete loop, she put on a burst of speed and flew back to Talon’s side, laughing.

“Wow, this is great!” the female Murkrow beamed.

Talon smiled, “No problem. Now, I need to go, if you need me, just call.”

With that, the male Pokemon turned away from her and flew off through the sky. Ashley decided it was time to go home, and flew in a few circles, scanning for her house. Luckily for her, Murkrows have much better vision than humans do, so she found it quite quickly. Pointing her beak down, she began a steep dive towards her home.

It was while she was diving that she remembered that Talon never taught her how to land. She didn’t want to call him – that would be embarrassing – so she’d have to improvise. As she got close to the windowsill, the black bird pulled out of her dive and hovered upright, pumping her wings as fast as she could to stay aloft. The bird extended her legs and stopped hovering, dropping onto the windowsill with a relieved sigh.

“Okay,” she said to herself, squeezing her small body through the window, “I’ll find Taylor’s address, and then I’ll go visit him as Murkrow tomorrow.”

Changing back into her human form, Ashley quickly got dressed and padded downstairs to find the phone book. Quickly locating it in the lounge room, the girl sat down on the green leather couch to flick through it in comfort.

“Taylor Raven…” the girl murmured to herself, her finger running down the page. “Oh, there he is. 28 Pidgey Road...”

She put away the thick book, only to take out another one. She flipped the pages of the street directory, mapping out the easiest route from her house to Taylor’s. To her dismay, there was a forest and a fair number of blocks between the houses, which would take ages for her to walk around. Wait a minute…

“So I’ll start at my house, and fly over the forest and these blocks, and then I’ll reach Taylor’s house. Shouldn’t take me more than 15 minutes all up.”

With a grin, Ashley put away the street directory, and went back up the carpeted stairs to her room. Lying on her back in bed, smiled, deciding to start flying to Taylor’s house at ten past ten the next morning. Tomorrow she was going to get close to the one she loved. As happy thoughts drifted through her head, the girl fell into a contented slumber.


Ashley groaned, trying to block out the loud twittering of the bird Pokemon that was disturbing her sleep through the open window. Groaning she reluctantly got up. Glancing at the clock, she smiled. It was ten.

Quickly throwing on a yellow t-shirt and a pair of shorts, she trotted downstairs happily to get breakfast. After staring at the cereal for a good few minutes, the girl decided to have toast instead. She crossed to the other cupboard and dragged out the toaster, placing it on the blue kitchen bench. Grabbing a loaf of bread from the breadbin, Ashley took out a few slices and put them in the toaster.

While she was waiting for them to pop up again, the girl imagined what it would feel like to get close to Taylor, snuggling close to him. It was then that the toast was done, popping up with a noise that made Ashley jump.

“Oh!” she cried, startled by the sound.

In a hurry to get going, the girl skipped buttering her toast and just stuffed each piece in her mouth. Chewing vigorously, she swallowed it all in one (rather painful) gulp.

“Mum, I’m going to visit a friend!” Ashley hollered.

“Okay, dear!” her mother called back.

Ashley made a big deal of opening and closing the front door, and then tiptoed back up the stairs to her room, stifling giggles. When she got there, she focused on her Murkrow form, and was soon completely covered by the clothes that she was just wearing.

With a small sigh, the feathery Pokemon set to work on extracting herself from the tangled mess. After a fair bit of hopping around, she got out from under the clothing, and hopped up onto the bed. From there, she made a leap up to the windowsill, and felt the crisp, morning air.

She smiled in only the way a bird can, half with her beak and half with her eyes, and took off into the sunlight. She marvelled at her speed and agility in the air, considering that she’d only learnt to fly yesterday, and attempted to do a barrel roll to test her limits.

This didn’t turn out too well, though, as it sent her spiralling down towards the golden forest, with its crunchy leaves at the bottom. Flapping her wings as hard as she could, she only managed to pull out of her nosedive after she had fallen below the tree line.

Slaloming between the chestnut brown tree trunks, the Murkrow dove this way and that, trying to find a way out. Eventually, she managed to get into a clear enough to pull her beak up and fly out.

Hovering above the trees, Ashley looked around for the city. She saw it, not too far away from where she was. Flapping towards it, she gaped in awe at how big it actually was. Looking over the rooftops, she saw a pair of Pidgeotto, chatting. When they saw her, they stared, a word passed between them, and they took off straight for her.

Knowing that she couldn’t outrun them, the Murkrow landed on the roof of a building, shaking with fear, and waited nervously for them to arrive. She heard cackling and looked up at the two bird Pokemon swooping straight for her. Laughing as she flinched, the pair pulled out of their dive at the very last moment and landed right in front of poor Ashley. As the two stood in front of her, the dark type took this moment to study one of them in great detail.

He was more than double the size of Ashley herself, as she didn’t even come up to his creamy coloured, downy chest. She looked up at his face, noticed that his creamy feathers had given way to darker ones, but his face and the tips of his wings were still the lighter colour. His cruel, unblinking eyes stared down at her, over a light pink beak.

There was a black stripe on each side of his face running down from his eyes to the bottom of his face, and the feathers that made the stripes up were short and stiff. On top of his head sat a crest of brilliant pink, ruffled in the wind. His tail feathers were composed of the same pink, mixed with bright yellow. Sneaking a look at the Pidgeotto’s accomplice, she found that he looked almost the same, save for a long scar across his chest.

“Well aren’t you a pretty one?” sneered the Pidgeotto with the scar, mumbling some words to the other bird.

Nodding they both took off again, one of the flying types trapping Ashley in his claws. She shrieked and struggled wildly, calling for help. It was then that she remembered something crucial – her friend Talon.

“Talon, help!” she screeched with all her might, before feeling a blow to the back of her head and falling limp in the captor’s claws.

11-09-2007, 10:25 PM
Part two


When Ashley woke up, she found herself in unfamiliar surroundings. She felt cold, despite having fluffy feathers to keep her warm. Glancing around, the Murkrow frowned – she was in a cave. Blessed with the night vision that all dark types had, she made out the silhouettes of the two Pidgeottos that captured her before.

The black avian knew that she could see much better than them – however, she decided to play it safe and lie still. After a moment, Ashley remembered that she wasn’t actually a Murkrow, and that she could turn into a human whenever she wanted to! Glancing at the roof of the cave, she found that she could stand in it normally as a human.

Changing into human form, the girl kicked at the Pidgeottos with a shout, scaring them half to death. They screeched in fright, and flew away as fast as their wings would carry them, dropping brown feathers all over the cave.

As the transformation took place again, Ashley turned into a Murkrow once more. Looking around again, she saw a small, dark figure on the ground. She noticed the hat shape on its head, and immediately thought of Talon.

Running to him as fast as her short legs would carry her, the female dark type checked for vital signs. She sighed in relief. He was breathing.

“Talon, please wake up,” she said softly, nudging him with a foot.

The male Murkrow let out a soft groan, “I tried to save you… I really did…”

Ashley gave a half smile, “It’s okay, you did your best. Are you alright?”

Talon nodded, and pushed himself to his feet, “Anyway, I’m fine, just a little bruising. Anyway, I have to get back to the forest, and you have places to be also.”

On that note, they both flew from the cave and went their separate ways, with Talon heading back towards the forest, and Ashley flying out over the city once more.


“Okay, there’s his house. Now to find his room…” Ashley muttered to herself, flying around Taylor’s house and peering in windows.

She made her way to the back of his home, and looked inside. She saw a room painted blue, and inside on the computer was Taylor, surfing the internet. Grinning, the Murkrow fluttered onto the window sill and tapped her beak on the glass.

The boy turned his head, a look of surprise mixed with fascination plain on his face. Getting up, he opened the window to let the Murkrow in and extended his arm for her to hitch a ride. Jumping onto the appendage, Ashley shivered in delight at how close she was to her crush.

“It’s okay, I won’t hurt you…” said Taylor softly, misinterpreting the Murkrow’s uncontrollable shaking for being afraid of him.

The brown-haired boy scooped Ashley off of his arm and held her close to him, stroking her smooth feathers and whispering comforting words to her. Content, the little dark type gave a small, blissful sigh and leaned against Taylor in content. The boy smiled down at her.

“You know, I’ve always wanted a dark type, but mum won’t let me get one. She says they’re dangerous, but maybe she’ll let me have you, once she sees how cute you are,” Taylor said softly, smiling warmly at the Pokemon in his arms.

Ashley gave a little chirp of happiness, and gazed up at the object of her affections adoringly. He laughed, and stood up, putting his new friend down on a chair.

“I’m going to go get something to eat, wait here,” said the boy, getting up and leaving the room.

As he left, Ashley squirmed around on her back, overcome with joy at being so close to the one she loved. However, her squirming session way cut short, as she heard two pairs of wing beats. Turning her gaze to the window, she saw the two large Pidgeottos from before, trying to squeeze into the room through the window.

“You,” she hissed, giving the two birds a death stare.

Unfazed, the one with the scar winked, “You know it!”

The pair continued trying to fit their much-too-large bodies in through the window, but without luck. Ashley flew up onto the back of the chair and watched impassively. Not long after, she heard footsteps, and stuck her tongue out at the struggling avians that were no closer to her than they were five minutes ago. Their eyes widened as the door opened, and they immediately began trying to get out.

“Hey Murkro- what the heck?!” Taylor stood there in shock, gaping at the two birds that were stuck in his window.

The boy walked over to the window, and pushed the pair out. They fell from the window, and dropped the short distance to the ground. Ashley peeked out of the window and winked at the normal types flailing on the ground.

“We’ll be back!” they hissed, before flipping onto their bellies and flying away.

“That was weird,” said a confused Taylor, “Do you know them?”

“We’ve met,” said Ashley dryly, forgetting that Taylor couldn’t understand her now.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Now, I got some cold pizza from the fridge, do you want any?” offered Taylor, brandishing a piece.

Nodding, the dark type took the offered slice and bit into it. It was then that she was faced with the dilemma on how to eat it. Tearing off a piece of pepperoni from the topping, she flipped her head up and swallowed it whole. She did this for every piece she could find, and then started on the cheese. Taylor chuckled at the sight – Ashley was getting quite tangled in the stringy yellow dairy product.

“Do you want some help there, Murkrow?” asked Taylor, smiling.

Ashley nodded, and the boy carefully unwrapped the cheese from around her body. When he had done that, he tore the pizza into smaller pieces, to make it easy for the avian to eat. The Pokemon smiled, and gobbled up a piece.


“You’ll come back tomorrow, won’t you?” asked Taylor, smiling at his friend.

The raven-feathered Pokemon nodded, and took off from the windowsill. She flew off into the sky, happy thoughts rushing through her head about the wonderful time she’d had with the boy she loved. Ashley smiled, loving the rush of the cold air through her feathers. Joy driving her forward, the Murkrow flew at full speed for the entire trip home.

Perching on her windowsill, she squeezed herself in through the small gap that she’d left. Once in the safety of her room, the girl pulled down the blinds and turned back into a human. Hastily throwing on her clothes, she tiptoed down the stairs and to the front door. She opened it, and then slammed it shut again, to produce the illusion that she’d come through the front door.

“Mum, I’m home!” said the girl loudly.

“Did you have a good time?” asked her mum, walking into the room.

Ashley’s mum was tall and lean, considerably thinner than her daughter. She had a long nose that somewhat resembled a beak, and rather tanned skin. Her curly red hair was tied up in a messy ponytail, and looked like it hadn’t been brushed in years. She wore a plain pink shirt with a pair of plain blue jeans that had been out of fashion for years.

“Yeah, it was fun,” said Ashley, “Can I go again tomorrow?”

Her mother nodded mutely, and strolled back into the living room muttering something about ungrateful children not wanting to spend any time with their parents. Shrugging, Ashley walked into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat.


She was in a field of golden flowers, with a light breeze stirring each emerald blade of grass underfoot. It was tranquil, and the girl felt at ease, and at peace with the world. Looking around, she saw that it was flowers and grass as far as the eye could see. The only sound was the rustling of the grass and the flower petals, and the sound of Ashley’s own steady breathing.

“Where am I?” she voiced the question to nobody, and as such didn’t expect an answer.

Smiling, the brown-haired girl started to walk, drinking in the beautiful scenery. Gazing at the azure sky, she gasped in wonder. In the sky, the clouds had formed the shapes of all kinds of Pokemon. There were two many to count – each one easy to tell from the next, in terms of shape and size.

“That’s amazing!” gasped Ashley, awed at the sight in the clear blue sky.

“You’re telling me,” said a voice from behind her.

Whipping around, the girl came face-to-face with the love of her life, Taylor. A soft smile graced his lips when she faced him, and he winked mischievously. Ashley felt herself flush, and quickly ducked her head in embarrassment. Despite having spent the day with him as a Murkrow, the girl was still tongue-tied around him.

“I – Taylor! Umm… hi.”

The boy laughed, “No need to feel nervous around me, Ashley. I’m not that sexy, am I?”

The girl gave a nervous titter and shook her head, not trusting herself enough to speak. Taylor laughed good-naturedly, and took her hand, leading the girl away.

“Come with me!”

Ashley allowed him to pull her along gently, for fear that if she tried to walk on her own, her legs would give way. Soon, they stopped, and she noticed that the flowers that used to be yellow were now a vibrant pink.

“Ashley, I have something to give you,” said Taylor softly.

He leaned in close to her, and soon their lips were only millimetres apart. The love struck girl stared deeply into Taylor’s hazel eyes, and felt the urge to rake her hands through his soft auburn hair. He leaned in closer, closing the gap between them, and…


“Darn,” Ashley grumbled, sitting up in bed and rubbing her head, “It was just a dream.”

Sliding out of her bed, she shivered as the cold morning air reached her skin from the window. Hastily pulling off her pyjamas, she opened her bedroom door a crack.

“Hey mum, I’m gonna go now!”

With that said and done, she imagined herself as a Murkrow, and felt the familiar warm feeling as the transformation took place again. She took off, powerful strokes of her wings making it easier to reach the windowsill. Landing on it for a mere moment, the dark type launched off again in the direction of Taylor’s house.

Passing over the familiar settings, she made sure to keep an eye out for either Pidgeotto. It wasn’t too long before she spotted them both sitting on a rooftop, and the Murkrow took a steep dive to avoid them. Flying low beneath the roof of the house, Ashley passed by them without a hitch in her plan. When she was what she deemed a safe enough distance, the black avian flew higher again, and found that she was close to Taylor’s house.

Diving towards the back of the house and the boy’s room, Ashley let out a piercing cry to inform him of her approach. Sure enough, when she got close, Taylor was already up and opening the window.

Ashley attempted to brake before she got inside, but alas, she was moving far too quickly. While she succeeded in slowing herself down somewhat, the Murkrow still carried a lot of her momentum, and, as such, barrelled into Taylor the moment she was inside his room. Tumbling backwards, the pair rolled across the room, coming to a halt when they collided with the wall.

“Ouch…” Taylor groaned, rubbing his head, “You really need to work on your landings, Murkrow.”

Ashley ducked her head sheepishly, giving a nervous little chirp.

“Krow…” she said apologetically.

“Haha, don’t worry, it was just a bump,” smiled Taylor.

Brightening up, the raven-feathered Pokemon gave a happy tweet, and nuzzled Taylor affectionately. Laughing, he gave Ashley a little pat.

“Anyway,” he said to the bird on his lap, “Do you want to talk? Well, it’d mostly be me talking, but whatever.”

The dark type nodded.

“Alright, I’ll start with school. I’m the most popular guy in my class, and I have heaps of friends. But there’s one girl, Ashley, who I think…” He paused.

Ashley’s heart fluttered nervously, and she shifted slightly in Taylor’s lap.

“…Well, she’s ugly, and her constant staring is really creepy.”

The bird’s heart shattered.

“Krow!” she screeched at him, hurt.

Taking off, Ashley flew towards the closed window. Bracing herself for the impact, the Pokemon shut her eyes tightly. She felt a stinging pain as the glass shattered, spraying shards all over the grass outside. Flying through the pain, she tried to focus on getting home.

Suddenly, she felt a blow to the back of her head, and fell. Landing with a thud on the grass, she looked up to see two giant birds circling her. They landed, and she made out a long pink scar on one of them. Gasping in horror, she recognised them as the Pidgeottos that had it out for her,

“Please, just leave me alone!” Ashley squawked at them, not in the mood for a fight.

The brutes didn’t reply, they just laughed. Ashley desperately tried to change back into human form, but her mind was too clouded by fear to be able to focus. Getting up slowly, she knew that she had to fight.

Springing into action, she had almost crossed the gap between them before she realised that she didn’t know how to use any attacks! Making a guess, the dark type thrust her beak forward, typing to Peck at her foes.

Snorting, the pair flew off into different directions, and Ashley, unable to swerve, crashed painfully into the ground. She turned her head, and saw the two brutes had swerved and were coming at her from separate directions.

With a terrified screech, the Murkrow ducked her head down in fear, waiting for the impact. She didn’t have to wait long. It was only seconds before she felt the beaks and claws on her back, tearing through her flesh and spattering her blood over the ground.

Ashley felt the tears budding in her eyes as she was kicked around in the dust, the sharp stones jabbing into her the least of her worries. It wasn’t until she felt the foot around her neck that she realised that his was it. She was going to die.

After only a few moments, the hellish pain she was going through seemed distant, as if it were happening to someone else, but not her. The shrieking sounds of the Pidgeottos faded into a white noise, and her vision started to fade into blackness.

The Murkrow barely noticed that she was lying in a pool of her own blood, until she was jerked back into reality by the claws around her neck being removed, and was ripped unceremoniously out of her numb bliss.

“Don’t touch her!” she heard a voice scream.

Looking up, she saw someone standing over her, waving a broom at the Pidgeottos. One of them tried to come near, but he smacked it away with his makeshift weapon. He looked down at Ashley.

“You’ll be okay, I promise,” he whispered to the battered dark type, before continuing to defend her with his broom.

It wasn’t long before a Pidgeotto got an attack in, though, and Taylor stumbled backwards, his shirt torn and a long cut across his chest.

Ashley glowered at the Pidgeotto who hurt him. Taylor was on the ground, hissing in pain – that wound was deep! The Murkrow stood up solemnly, and looked back at her crush, hoping he would understand that she wanted her to command him in battle. He seemed to get the message, and racked his brain for an attack.

“Alright, try to use… Wing Attack,” he decided after a second.

Ashley’s mind froze – she had not idea how to use Wing Attack! However, her body didn’t know that, and responded immediately to the order. She flew into the air, feinting left to dodge a Whirlwind thrown at her, and smashed a Pidgeotto into the earth.

“There’s one behind you, Murkrow!” warned Taylor, “use Faint Attack!”

Once again, Ashley responded on instinct, and seemingly disappeared from view. She watched as a Pidgeotto slashed at the air that she’d been in less than a second ago, and thanked her lucky stars that Taylor had been there to help.

Making a steep dive, the Murkrow rammed her body into the larger bird’s with a surprising amount of force, sending him spiralling to the ground. Luckily for her, he fell on top of his companion, who had just gotten up again.

“You’ll pay for that, girlie!” hissed one Pidgeotto, flying into the air again with his partner in crime.

In tandem, the two large Pokemon sped towards the much smaller one with great speeds. Ashley tried to dodge their Quick Attacks, but they were too fast, and smashed into her. The dark type screeched in agony as she flew through the air and smashed her body on the roof of Taylor’s house, and felt her fragile bones snap.

Rolling off of the roof, she slammed into the ground, wincing. Once more, the two brute birds dove in for the kill, but didn’t count on Taylor. He leapt towards them, tackling one bird and kicking at the other, wrestling them both to the ground.

As they rolled about, Taylor pulled a spare Pokeball from his back pocket and threw it at Ashley, hoping that she’s stay inside and save herself.

Grimacing, he grabbed the two Pidgeottos’ necks in both hands, looked away, and twisted, the sickening snaps of their fragile bones disgusting him.


Okay, it wasn’t too bad, was it?

11-19-2007, 03:47 AM
This isn't a post to bump my story... no, not at all... *shifty eyes*

Ready for grading!

Characters: 34, 130
Pokemon: Murkrow

11-21-2007, 03:09 AM
....More......I WANT MORE!!!! O_O

Story/Plot: A very unique and original concept, backed up by the ever classic situation where a girl loves a guy. :D Ashley, an unfortunate girl that isn't as well endowed or elegant as the other girls, is in a trance of love, possessing a crush that hovers over Taylor Raven, a tough guy with plenty of leadership, but sweetens it with his soft personality. With butterflies in her stomach nearly 90% of the time, Ashley devises a plan in order to make Taylor fall in love with her. Reminiscing of Taylor's fondness over Dark Type Pokemon, Ashley remembers about a certain spellbook.

She later finds herself an streaky black Murkrow, thanks to the effects of the potion she brewed and drank. She discovers friends, such as Talon, the Murkrow that bestowed a necessary ingredient upon her, and foe, twine Pidgeotto, alike in her quest for Taylor's love.

Very original concept, I'd say, or at least one that I haven't heard of. :D Either way, the plot of the story was executed and carried out very nicely, I'd have to say!


Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling: I see no problems here. Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling all seem excellent, to be honest. O_O

The twi problems I see are "pyjamas", the correct spelling being "pajamas", and "sill", which I presume to be "still". Minor errors, I'd say. Writers gradually improve the most in those areas. There're some transition issues, but I'll get to that by the end of the grade.


Detail: The describing and visualizing of certain aspects and areas in the story were very good. ^_^ I'd say there were some parts that were rushed due to transition and all (As aforementioned, I will hail about that later O_O). What astonished me the most was the tone and style of the third person narration. The narrative tone gave me an extra boost to keep reading, out of interest, and it certainly did fit to the female voicing genre.

A versatile, wide array of vocabulary was utilized, making me a happy Pikachu. :3 In terms of style, I'd say larger paragraphs would make this story somewhat more interesting, as clumps of text usually mean background or critical information....or in my case, just a clutter of text. Forget about that part. ^_^;;


Length: If I had a dollar for every extra character there was....


Battle: Not a bad battle. It was realistic, yet short. Somewhat a little too short. I understand that it may fit the story, but I can't feel that certain URPG sparkle that is bestowed in many stories. What kind of slighted me the most was how Taylor was the one who captures the Murkrow, despite having zero to no involvement with the battle.

From the Grader's Point Of View, the main protagonist in depth with conflict, despite how the story revolved around Ashley's struggle, is actually Taylor, the one who held and lunged the spherical red and silver ball. It is crucial for Taylor to be mainly involved with the battle in terms of background and fore end. Ashley is the blade, but Taylor is the hilt. Lashing around a ironclad blade isn't the same as wielding a sword by its handle, and swinging into battle.

Sorry for the harsh, and maybe choppy explanation. ><


Outcome: Murkrow not captured! I'm sorry. The only thing that was to hold back your capture appeared to be the Battle. I'm not able to suggest changes (or at least major ones). I can regrade your story if you would like me to, after a few edits or so.

- There were several parts of the story where transition did not flow too smoothly. It doesn't appear to be rushing, but it fast fowards slightly to the center, more important situation, rather than give apparition for the surroundings. The greatest ideas and moments could also come from just walking down a street or soaring high in the clouds.

Don't get me wrong. You're already very good with your transition and how you sequence every phase of the plot. :D It's just the minor things, I'd say.

11-21-2007, 03:15 AM
Okay, I'll edit it now.

EDIT: Done, but I feel kind of sick now. Good luck reading it.

11-21-2007, 05:48 AM
O-O Erm....

Outcome: Murkrow captured! A good battle, to say the least.

Have fun with your.....erm.....crow thingy......with a hat.......Mr. Neck-snapper......*runs*

11-21-2007, 05:51 AM
O-O Erm....

Outcome: Murkrow captured! A good battle, to say the least.

Have fun with your.....erm.....crow thingy......with a hat.......Mr. Neck-snapper......*runs*

My mum says I can't kill things in my stories for English, so I kill things here ^_^