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Nitro
11-14-2007, 03:25 AM
Fishing for Morons

"Not another one of these stupid Magikarp! I've had enough of this! No more fishing for this man, nope, no more! That's right, old Bobby is quitting forever!"

An irritated voice yelled through the bright morning sky. Nitro turned his head to the direction that the frustrated voice had come from. A fisherman walked out from another road that connected to the one Nitro was on.

Glancing at Nitro and his pitifully small amount of Pokemon, the fisherman said. "Hey, you there! I suppose you are a new trainer. Do you want my fishing rod? It's for free, I don't want it. I've decided to quit fishing, but I guess you've probably heard about that. Anyways, do you want this rod. Sort of low in quality, but what the heck."

Nitro looked at the fishing rod, which looked as if it had been made a few thousand years ago. However, since it was for free, he shrugged and accepted the offer. "Yeah, sure, I'll gladly take it. Thanks. Do you know where any good fishing places are?"

"Well, it isn't necessarily good, but there is a small pond with only Magikarp in it back there. They are pathetic when they remain Magikarp, but when they evolve into the fearsome and powerful Gyarados, they are virtually living killing machines." The fisherman said, motioning to the road which he had come from.

The retired and irritated fisherman left, heading the way Nitro was heading. Nitro, on the other hand, went the way that the fisherman had come from. He knew what Magikarp were, but judging from what the fisherman had said, they could still be valuable when they evolve into the "fearsome and powerful Gyarados", or so the fisherman had said. He came to the end of the relatively short road and took in the view of slightly oversized pond. He took a seat on a brown bench and took out the battered fishing rod. Nitro had once went on a fishing trip with his father as a child with rented rods nearly as battered as the fisherman's former rod and the exact same model, so he knew the basics of how to use it and cast his line. He waited patiently, remembering when his dad told him that fish didn't come by often unless it was fish season, which he knew it wasn't. Nitro settled down grimly, waiting for the fish to bite. After approximately an hour and a half, he felt a tug on his rod. Excitedly pulling on his rod, he accidently yanked it so energetically that his prey flew far above his head and landed on the ground with a thud, whereas his rod snapped clean in half.

"Magikarp, Karp Karp." The Magikarp said feebly.

"Well, I suppose a fall like that would have hurt this... thing a little bit, and it won't stand much chance against an Electric Type Pokemon, say for example something like Spark." Nitro said, thrusting a Poke Ball into the air.

"Pichu, Pi Pichu!" A Pichu wearing a determined expression popped out of the Poke Ball, squeaking cutely, but not weakly.

"Spark, spark that fish with a nice Thundershock!" Nitro ordered.

Pichu released a shock on Magikarp that caused it to splash around in pain. Nitro pressed his chance and commanded Pichu to attack with another Thundershock one more time for efficiency. This time, it paralyzed Magikarp, which had defiantly attempted a Tackle and got struck by the Thundershock head-on. After Spark shocked Magikarp, Nitro half-slammed, half-threw the red and white capsule onto the hopelessly weakened fish. Magikarp went inside the Poke Ball, putting up a desperate but hopeless struggle to escape. Unfortunately, in its weakened state on top of the fact that it didn't have much power to start with confined it inside the ball. Sure enough, the Poke Ball rolled once, twice, and then...

{THE END}

Phantom Kat
11-25-2007, 02:21 AM
Plot: So a fisherman is fed up with fishing and decides to give his fishing rod to Nitro who was passing by. After directions on where to fish, Nitro sits with his line cast for an hour and a half until a Magikarp bites. Nitro and Magikarp are pit against his each other in a fight Magikarp obviously looses.

Nothing spectacular about it but hey, it’s for the orange karp so you don’t need anything elaborate so no problem here.

I would suggest that you could explain more as you go maybe as to why the fisherman wanted to quit his fishing career. Maybe he couldn’t catch a single thing or all he ever caught was Magikarp but it would interesting to see why he wanted to quit so bad. Also, you could explain what Nitro was doing as he heard the man shout. Was he eating his dinner peacefully or maybe against another Pokémon?

Add as many twists as you want as long as they make sense, it will only make your story better and make your chances for the Pokémon higher. =)

Intro: So we start out with a fisherman fed up with fishing and when Nitro goes to investigate, he gets his own chance at fishing.

Like the plot, nothing but splendid but you don’t really need much for an Easiest Pokémon. I really liked how you started with the rant of the fisherman, it brought a smile to me and made me read more. xP

However, be sure you make your intro as exciting as possible. An intro is what pulls the readers into the story so it’s just as important as everything else. Describe your characters and their personalities so that the reader can get a picture of them along with your settings. All of this sets the base for the rest of your story so make it the best you can. ;)

Grammar/Spelling: This was very good and since this is a part where almost all writers struggle, good job. ^^

After a character says something, the next word after the quotations is not capitalized. So:

"Pichu, Pi Pichu!" A Pichu wearing a determined expression popped out of the Poke Ball, squeaking cutely, but not weakly.

Would be:

"Pichu, Pi Pichu!" a Pichu wearing a determined expression popped out of the Poke Ball, squeaking cutely, but not weakly.

Also, make sure you read over your story more than once to pick any missing commas or periods. It never hurts to be extra careful.

Description/Detail: This is where you hurt the most, I’m afraid.

There wasn’t much description in your story and it’s fine if you’re going for a Magikarp but as you for more harder Pokémon, this area should be strong.

You want to paint a picture for your readers so you want to describe EVERYTHING. Don’t be afraid to have a lot of detail, it’s better to have more than less. Close your eyes and imagine your scene before you write it. Make sure you remember you see: the color of the trees and ground, the color of Nitro’s hair and clothes, the smell of the nearby pond. Then, once you got everything that you can see in your mind, write it down exactly how you saw it. Don’t hold back, take your time and write everything just as you saw it.

Also, describe your characters and Pokémon. Everything from clothes to fur should go in here, paint a picture please. I know what Pichu looks like but if I didn’t, I can imagine a Charizard instead. =X

Length: Perfect if I may so myself but remember, more description means more length so a better chance at a capture.

Battle: There really wasn’t one.

Sure the fish is very weak and it has a type disadvantage but he can still fight back. You want your battles to be two sided and excited and you can do even with this match up.

Maybe Magikarp used its tail to sweep some sand into Pichu’s eyes (remember, Pokémon can also do moves other than Pokémon moves, they can punch, kick, bite, etc.) and while the mouse was down, Tackle it into the water. Maybe Pichu shocked Magikarp so much that it jumped into the water where it tried to swim away and Pichu had to go swimming after it.

Use everything you can imagine in your battle, make it like the anime where they cook up the craziest of combinations. It makes your battle pack with excitement and a sure capture if everything else like grammar and description is good. Make sure you describe the attacks just as you should your characters, add some color to the black and white battle! =D

Outcome: It wasn’t hard to decide: Magikarp captured! Keep in mind what I said about description, battle, and plot. Fleshing yours story with twists and colors will make your story even more awesome. Hehe, not bad for my first grade, huh?

- Kat