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Proud_Piplup
11-22-2007, 11:55 PM
Dawn's Journeys

Dawn and Winter's Dusk Derby Part 1

By Proud_Piplup (A.K.A. Dawn)



Pokemon To Catch: http://img413.imageshack.us/img413/6391/bluezubat2byksmir2.png

Catch Rate: Simple


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Dawn walked around the cold, hard floors of her tiny home in Canalave City. It had been pouring rain for the last few weeks,and she was dying to get out of her house. After she hastily put on her clothes, she left a note on her mom's desk. It read, in quick, messy writing, 'I have just gone for a quick walk. I'll be home before bed.' Then, after she -finally- found her brand new yellow backpack in her messy room under a pile of Pokemon plushies of all sorts (her favorite being the cloudy blue Zubat plushie
that she found in Prof. Rowen's lab when she was a little girl), she set off on a long journey. That journey being of..
'a Pokemon Journey.'
And never again would her life be the same..

* * *

As Dawn exited the tiny door to her house, the cold rain heavily pounded on her waterproof Piplup hat.

"Winter! Come on out!" Dawn shouted as she clumsily threw the silver-edged white and blue ball, which soared through the air, released the odd-colored Piplup out onto the soggy, half-flooded ground, and boomeranged back. However, since Dawn had never in her life thrown a Pokeball, it almost hit her in the head. She quickly raised her arm just in time to block the Pokeball, which fell to the ground and gracefully floated on the slow-rising water.

"Whew, that was close!" said Dawn, as she bent over to pick up the damp Pokeball.

"Piplup! Pip! Pip - lup!" cried Winter, as she slowly bobbed up and down in the water. She motioned for Dawn to follow. Winter was able to swim slowly across the half-flooded grounds, but Dawn had to wade through the icy water. Dawn grabbed on to Winter and started to kick a little. They were heading South off the Southern dock of Canalave, and the water seemed deep and violent in the rough, windy storm. When what seemed to be a long ways of struggling and floating about in the water, they
reached a somewhat spooky part of Canalave. There was a somewhat dark feeling in the air as Dawn and Winter treaded through the muddy grounds. They went South for a while, then came to a part of the forest where there was an option to turn back, or go through the darkest part of the forest.

"Winter, I trust you, but do you think that we could make it through this situation? You never know what might be hiding in there," exclaimed Dawn.

"Piplup. Pip. Lup pip piplup." said Winter.

"You say that if we work together, anything is possible? Even the impossible?"

"Piiihp - lup!"

"Okay, then! Let's try our best! Even if something happens, at least we'll still have each other!"

* * *

Dawn and Winter entered the dark forest. Suddenly, a Team Galactic member jumped out from the trees and challenged Dawn!

"I challenge you to a Pokemon battle. If you don't battle, I will take that rare-looking Piplup off your hands. Of course, if you battle me and win, I can't take it. But it's probably
so weak, even these weaklings could beat it! Besides," he said mockingly, "if I win, it's mine anyways!"

"Oh, yeah? We'll see about that! Right, Winter?" said Dawn.

"Piiiipp - lup!" said Winter, confidently.

"Here we go! My first battle ever! Take on this guy, Winter!" yelled Dawn.

"Go, Wurmple!" yelled the Galactic Grunt.

"Wurmppplllllle!" cried the Wurmple, which had obviously been stolen.

"Piplup! Pip! Lup!" cried Winter, getting ready to attack.

"Winter! Use Babble!" said Dawn.

"Pip?" said Winter. She looked very confused.

The Galactic Grunt laughed. "Is that even an attack, Dawn? Wurmple! Use Tackle!"

Wurmple raised its head, then charged at what seemed to be blinding speed at Winter. Smack! Winter cried in pain as the tiny bug Pokemon injured one of her wings. She was down - but not out.

Dawn suddenly brightened up as if something wonderful had happened. "Oh!! I get it now! Winter! Use Tackle, and then when you're close to Wurmple, use Peck!"

Winter looked kind of confused, but dashed up to Wurmple (Which wasn't really a Tackle attack because in the Ultra 'Dex, Piplup can't learn Tackle. Actually, I don't think it can learn tackle at all!) and slammed it with a sharp, pointed, sparkly beak. Wurmple, hurt from the amazingly powerful attack, was unable to stand.

"Wow.. is that what some smart Trainers call a 'Critical Hit?'" said Dawn to herself.

"Wurmple! Use String Shot!" yelled the Galactic Grunt.

The force of the thread spraying at Winter was so great, that it wounded Winter. Then, the thread bound Winter up, and she was immobilized in sticky thread. That gave Wurmple some time to recover a bit, and though heavily dragged down like stones in the water, it was able to stand and even limp around.

"Come on, Dawn.. think!" said Dawn. "Yes! That's it! Winter, use Peck to break the sticky threads then use Bubble - full force!"

Winter struggled a bit, then broke out of the sticky threads, scattering pieces of them all over the muddy grass. Then, Winter jumped up and forcefully ejected wonderful sparkling bubbles out of her beak, which sped towards Wurmple and then popped quickly when they touched Wurmple. Wurmple flew back, hit a tree, and was still. Dawn had won her first (Story, so it doesn't really count) battle. The Galactic Grunt ran off, leaving behind a Pokeball. Someone's name and the Pokemon that should be inside were stuck on the ball with Seals. The Seals were as follows:

LUCAS'S WURMPLE

"All right, so you're Lucas's Wurmple," Dawn said to the Wurmple, which lay beaten and wounded on the forest floor. "Well, I'll just take you to the Lost And Found at the Canalave Library later." Dawn took an old Revive from her bag and placed it near Wurmple. It rose up into the air, and, little by little, it slowly dissolved on Wurmple. Then, Wurmple glowed with a healthy green glow and it was healthy again, but it was quite tired. Then, Dawn took a Potion out of her bag and sprayed it on Wurmple's wounds.
Almost instantly, the wounds dissapeared, but it caused Wurmple to cry in pain a bit. Dawn called Lucas's Wurmple into Lucas's Pokeball, then put it in her yellow backpack, which was now muddy and damp, and continued to walk through the forest with Winter.

* * *

After quite some time, Dawn and Winter saw some pale light reflecting of a field puddles. And there it was! The exit! They came to a field of night-blooming flowers. All of a sudden, the sky cleared and they saw that they were in a flowery clearing at dusk and that they had the option to go North.

"Oh, no! Winter, it's nearly past bedtime!" exclaimed Dawn.

"Pip? Piplup!!" Winter looked quite confused, but then she got the point.

"If we don't want to be cold, we'd better find shelter." said Dawn, kind of quietly.

"Piiipp-lup!" cried Winter.

"Let's head -- to the North!" said Dawn.

Dawn and Winter entered yet another dark forest. They just kept heading North.

* * *

It was strangely quiet as they found the exit of the forest. No Pokemon or Trainers were near. A full moon started to rise. A Luxray howled.

"Hey, Winter! Look! A cave!" yelled Dawn, her voice echoing through the night.

"Piplup.." said a very tired Winter.

"Okay, Winter! Let's sleep there tonight!" Dawn said.

* * *

Dawn and Winter slowly entered the dark, stuffy cave. A sudden chill broke out through the air. As they headed deeper and deeper, the air got chillier. It felt as if icy hands were grasping Dawn, trying to pull her towards a 'Dark Dimension.'

Suddenly, a Gastly appeared out of the chilly air and spoke, "You are invading our territory. Leave us alone or battle master Zubat."

"Well, we just happen to need an extra pal on our team. Maybe your leader would join us?" said Dawn.

"You humans are all alike! You capture us, then betray us. I was abandoned by my Trainer and left alone in this cave. I used my Trainer's spirit to summon other Gastly to gaurd my comrade, the 'Zubat Master,' or so we call him. We Gastly will set up a battle. You have 20 minutes to beat our leader, or you can't stay here. Good luck..." as Gastly said that last word, he faded away into chilly air.

"Winter, was that just me, or was that a real talking Gastly?" asked Dawn.

"Piiiiiipp-lup!" exclaimed Winter.

"You mean, it was real? Cool!" said Dawn.

* * *

A few minutes later, two Gastly escorted Dawn and Winter to a hovering platform. The platform carried them underground and then the Gastly escorted them to an underground
battlefield.

"And now," shouted a *shiny* Gasly, who was obviously the announcer to start the battle. "Master Zubat in all his glory! Versus, Dawn's imprisoned Piplup! The Challenger's
imprisoned Piplup goes first!"

A dark shadow appeared. When it entered the light of the torches, Dawn saw that it was the Legendary Blue Zubat. Rumors of the Legendary Blue Zubat were spreading like the Flu in the Flu Season.

"Wow, so THAT'S what it looks like..." said Dawn.

"Let the battle begin!!" shouted the *shiny* Gastly.

"Zut - Zuduozu!" cried the blue Zubat, lunging at Winter.

Dawn's reaction was quick. "Winter! Jump to dodge and use Fury Attack down on Zubat!"

However, that's when all went wrong. Zubat lunged at Winter and threw her jump off balance. Then, Winter's Fury Attack missed and drove her into the ground.

"Uh, oh," said Dawn. "This could go wrong."

Then Zubat, who was very hyper, used Supersonic into the hole.

"Oh, no!" exclaimed Dawn. "Winter may never be able to get up to us now!" Then it hit her. An idea, though ever so risky. "Winter! Try to use your strongest Hydro Pump at the ground below you!! I know you're not very good at it, but just try your best!"

Then, Dawn heard a muffled, "Pihp!! Pihhhhhhp.... LUUUUUUUUP!!"

This was followed by a rather confused, dizzy, beat up tiny blue penguin Pokemon jumping out of the giant hole in the middle of the battlefield. Winter landed on her bottom, as she didn't have enough time to land on her feet, the pain stiffening her wings. Then Zubat came in for the final blow. An Air Slash at full force!

"Winter!!!" Dawn called, her face a twist of shame, disappointment, and tears. "You can't lose! After what we've been through, please don't.. we... can.. do.. it.. IF WE JUST WORK TOGETHER! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!"

"Pip?" said Winter. "Piplup!! PIP-LUP!!"

Then, Winter pulled everything together and launched a full force Peck-Hydro Pump combinaton attack. She lunged at Zubat, pointed beak and all, at full force. Then, she launched her best Hydro Pump, which was amazingly boosted with Torrent, Winter's special ability. Zubat's wings glowed with a sparkly white light, slicing the air at Mock 1 (the speed of sound). The two weakend, but raging, battlers charged at each other at an extreme speed.. BOOM!!! There was a huge explosion of silvery blue smoke. When the smoke cleared, the two battlers, who were very exhausted, emerged. Winter had beads of sweat all over her. Zubat was barely hovering above the ground and had his head lowered.

"Pihhhpp-luhhp.." cried Winter almost falling over.

"Zutuzudubu.." cried Zubat, falling to the ground. "Zuuzuu........."

There were no more sounds. Zubat struggled to get up for a while, then was completely still laying there on the ground, as if he were a stone.

"All right!!" shouted Dawn, as she hurled a silver-and sky blue ball with golden yellow edges at the blue Zubat.

Complete darkness surronded the blue Zubat.

Swish.. swish.. wiggle.. wiggle..

Dawn's moment of triumph was bound to be present at the time..


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*NOTE: THESE BATTLES DO NOT COUNT AS RPG BATTLES! THEY DO NOT COUNT!*
**NOTE: THERE IS A TINY STRIP OF LAND IF YOU SURF SOUTH OFF THE DOCK IN CANALAVE CITY IN POKEMON DIAMOND AND PEARL. NO, THERE IS NOT A CAVE THERE.**
***NOTE: THE WURMPLE IS NOT MINE***

^.^; If you took the time to read this, thanksies! This is my first completed story evah! And, yup, it's ready to grade!

~Proud_Piplup (A.K.A. Dawn)

Lord Celebi
11-23-2007, 02:57 AM
I'll have this graded tomorrow or Saturday :D

Proud_Piplup
11-24-2007, 04:19 PM
Not to bump this up, but thanks (in advance) for whoever grades this. Just edit the above post! Or post another one! <3

P.S. I think I might've made some common spelling mistakes and stuff. :oops: But, then again, I'm not 13 yet. ^-^;

P.P.S. I'm sooooo impatient. I can't even wait three whole days to get my story graded! D:< Any graders are welcome to grade this..

Lord Celebi
11-25-2007, 10:32 PM
Plot:

A girl leaves on her first Pokemon journey. She heads into a cave in Canalave, where a Team Galactic member threatens to steal her Pokemon. They battle, and the girl wins. Dawn finds that the Galactic member left behind the stolen Pokemon, and decided to give it back to its owner. Dawn leaves, and then finds shelter for the night. Inside another cave, they find talking Gastly, who are protecting a rare Zubat.

The Zubat and Dawn fight, and Dawn is the victor. Basic plot for those just starting out. Its definitely good enough for a Zubat.

Spelling/Grammar: Its okay. You should watch out for typos and grammatical mistakes.
Detail/Battle:

Detail is fair at best. You didn't describe the main character 'Dawn' at all, leaving me to wonder if you meant the Dawn from the TV Show (which would have been highly unoriginal) or it was just another character named Dawn. The beginning had good description, but the paragraph length, and thus the description, started to falter near the end.

Definitely try describing the environment beyond just 'a cave' or 'a field.' It helps people see things better in their head.

Other:

-Rowan is incorrectly spelled :P

-Erm, I don't think that people can understand what Pokemon are saying. In other sources, Pokedexes and Pokemon that speak English have been able to translate.

-Also, from what I've seen in the games/anime, Pokemon are never 'bet' in a battle. No one has ever lost Pokemon from losing a battle. Plus, no one would just willing give up their Pokemon without at least attempting to kick the crap out of the thief. If there are different rules to Pokemon in your story than already established sources, it is always nice to say so.

-You're referring to 'Mach 1' not 'Mock 1.'
Overall: Zubat captured. Good for a first story, but definitely work on improving for your next.

Proud_Piplup
11-25-2007, 11:45 PM
Plot:

A girl leaves on her first Pokemon journey. She heads into a cave in Canalave, where a Team Galactic member threatens to steal her Pokemon. They battle, and the girl wins. Dawn finds that the Galactic member left behind the stolen Pokemon, and decided to give it back to its owner. Dawn leaves, and then finds shelter for the night. Inside another cave, they find talking Gastly, who are protecting a rare Zubat.

The Zubat and Dawn fight, and Dawn is the victor. Basic plot for those just starting out. Its definitely good enough for a Zubat.

Spelling/Grammar: Its okay. You should watch out for typos and grammatical mistakes.
Detail/Battle:

Detail is fair at best. You didn't describe the main character 'Dawn' at all, leaving me to wonder if you meant the Dawn from the TV Show (which would have been highly unoriginal) or it was just another character named Dawn. The beginning had good description, but the paragraph length, and thus the description, started to falter near the end.

Definitely try describing the environment beyond just 'a cave' or 'a field.' It helps people see things better in their head.

Other:

-Rowan is incorrectly spelled :P

-Erm, I don't think that people can understand what Pokemon are saying. In other sources, Pokedexes and Pokemon that speak English have been able to translate.

-Also, from what I've seen in the games/anime, Pokemon are never 'bet' in a battle. No one has ever lost Pokemon from losing a battle. Plus, no one would just willing give up their Pokemon without at least attempting to kick the crap out of the thief. If there are different rules to Pokemon in your story than already established sources, it is always nice to say so.

-You're referring to 'Mach 1' not 'Mock 1.'
Overall: Zubat captured. Good for a first story, but definitely work on improving for your next.

Ok! I'll keep everything in mind for next time. Thanks..