Symphony of Destruction

[Jester]

My first ever story I've written for viewers just like you online. It's alway junk stories I write for English class, predetirmined crap. Well, I'm sick of it! Time to start a story of my own! It's about a girl(based off me!!) who is sucked into another dimmension and must save all mankind! Don't know if this has been done before, but if someone wants a character put in the story that I haven't alreayd put in, PM stuff about them, if they're on the main character's side or against her, and what their role is. I said to PM me on purpose so all the readers out there *points at YOU, reading this* doesn't have a clue on what's going on with that character. Even if it means just like a weapon dealer(Oops! Did I just give a spoiler on the story's plot?) who returns everyonce in a while. So, if you have a character stuck in your head that you have to get out into a story/RP before you explode, Rita Payne(please, everyone call me "Rita") is here to rescue you!

Let's start with the plot, hmm?

The Seven Sages from below called together a press confrence to speak of what they should do about too many souls entering the Dark Realm repeatedly. Many souls lately have been entering the Realm without noticement and the line is too long for them to fill out an eternal rest application.

"First, we need to find the source of what's causing these souls to come so quickly" said the first Sage, Iris. "To find out what's happening above us... That is our main goal."

"But we all sacrificed our lives to live here, in the Dark Realm..." hissed the second Sage, Hygea, to Iris. "It'd be like a land-walker living under liquid without their oxygen! Death is the only way to look up there for us..."

"Not quite." The first Sage said defiantly. "I think it is safe to say that..."

"What are you saying, Iris?" the third Sage, Petrie, asked with a raised eyebrow. "That we find any random soul and just send them up?" He stretched and yawned, bored with this stupid confrence.

"No, no, I think I heard something..." Iris said in a whisper. "Sounded like..."

Just as Iris was about to finsih what she wanted to say, a large man, standing at about eight-feet tall, wearing heavy armor with no face plate, rushed in on his horse. A black steed with a wingspan of over 15 feet, he yanked on its reigns as it skidded to a halt. He laughed, which was more of a roar, and thrusted his arm forward, pointing at the Sages. The Seven Sages gasped and ran for dear after-life, but hit the ground hard as plenty of this man's henchmen tackled them from behind.

"No!! I thought we eliminated you from thi Realm!!" Iris screamed. The man chuckled and threw a dagger near her face, the one that was lodged in his neck thirty years before.

"That was after I met 'Her'. Now I roam where I want in this Realm. Right now, she's constructing a new weapon for me, one that will allow me to survive in the Light Realm and complete that Realm!" And with a roar of victory, the man pulled his arm over his head, signafying to finalize the swift move he had his army do. Several gathered around each Sage and trapped their body into a key. The far most elite of his men held onto the keys while he trapped their souls into a large closet-like casket. He ordered the biggest, strongest, and most fierce-looking men in this group, all wielding weapons like giant battle axes and great halberds, strapped the caskets around their backs with chains and latched them with the lockpads that boelonged to the key of that Sage's soul. Laughing the defious roar one more time, the man galloped away on his Thunderhorse, into the darkness... Back to "her" to get his weapon of mass destruction and overthrow the kingdom of man.

Well, what do you think? I'll have chapter 1 after I hear what someone thinks of this great story. Although I've passed up writer's block for now, I think I'll skip the part where I wait and get chapter 1 ready. Thank you in advance for good reviews!

[Stormdancer94]

Great plot! It has a good potential to become a great story! Just make sure you don't turn your character into a Mary Sue, she has to lose sometime!

It's also good to see someone who respects the awesome power of paragraphs! The colour is a little hard to read though...


Good luck! Can't wait for Chapter 1 !

[Jester]

Thank you for that review, Stormdancer94! It took me nearly an hour for that thing, and yet it's so short :( I normally type around 4-5 pages in Microsoft Word before I post here, and that was nearly 1 page!! I'm very disappointed in myself, but I know every chapter will be extremely longer. And the main character(no more spoilers!!!) will most likely NOT be a Mary Sue, as I hate character's like that. Reminds me of Ash Ketchum, and he's a little girl-pants!

Sorry everyone important, but I can't post chapter 1 now. I'm at the public library in my town and it closes in 10 minutes. I have to go now!! Bye!! (for now....)

[Psychic Oats]

This is great! I enjoyed reading it (well, the first chapter ^_^;), and I'm looking forward to more. There were a few minor spelling mistakes here and there, but the grammar was for the most part impeccable. Nicely done, I'll be back expecting more :3 ...That means write another chappie >=O

[Jester]

Due to the two fans I already have patiently waiting for chapter 1, here it is. I'll edit my first post to a Prologue intead of a Plot as it is more about the Sages and their role in this story. Well, this is post #2 and I'm going to type up Chapter 1: The Light Realm

While the Sages were whisked away, in another the Realm, the Light Realm, a young girl was just being released into freedom...

BRRRRRRNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!

The bell at Rita Payne's highschool rang so loud and high pitched that every student jumped from their seat immediately and dashed to their pre-set lockers, comboinations already entered. The students threw their folders in their book-bags, snatched the bags upon their shoulders and ran to the back doors of the school. For many, it was only the summer and they would yet again return to this exact building three months later. But now was Summer Vacation, where all grades kindergarten through Juniors would all they would do is stay home and sleep in, whatever. But for seniors, it was the begining of their life. The start of something. And for Rita Payne, it was save the universe or let all of mankind be destroyed. But let's not get ahead of ourselves now. Rita has no clue what's in store for her when she arrives home that evening. So, let's check in on that.

Rita is sitting at her kitchen table when her mother approaches her and hands a letter. It is neatly sealed and has a golden sticker of a crown holding the flap of the envelope down.

"There's no return address." Her mother states.

"Gee, Mom, I woulda never guessed!!" Rita explained with complete sarcasm.

"Get lippy with me and you can work with your uncle on his ranch."

"OK, I'm sorry." Rita says quickly. She rips the envelope open in a hurry. Rita begins surveying the letter, all written in nice, neat, perfect cursive. Stating bluntly, the letter said:

Dear Rita Payne,
We are the people of the other world. Many of your kind, mankind, believe in Heaven and Hell. Well, there's no such thing as either. There is, in fact, another realm where people's souls pass on to. We don't like to think of it as one dying, but just one moving from one Realm to another. Before I get to the point of why I sent out this letter, let me introduce myself. I, with the last power of the other five of six sages, have mustered all the power we could to send this letter you're holding in your hand. I am Iris, One of the Seven Sages of the Realm of Twilight. This is the place where souls stop for rest, sometimes staying permanatly with us here before moving on to Paradise. But let's not get tangled into Paradise, not yet. Now, I want you to read the rest of this letter with complete thought and caring, considering that most of the 'miracles' in your life were none other than planned out by the Sages. Now it's time to return the favor. I want you to meet at the town park, at 1:37 AM sharp on Christmas Morning. No later, no earlier. Do not step foot onto the park grounds before and do not step off as soon as the minute strikes 1:38 AM. There, you will Petrie, the other Sage who didn't donate power for this letter. He will summarize eveything up and why you're needed. Thank you for considering this offer. It would be my pleasure to meet you one day. And by the way, Petrie will have some gear that might suit you fine, so don't bring anything except the clothes on your back.

Sincerely,
Iris of the Seven Sages"

"Whoa," Rita stood up as she said outloud.

"What'd the letter say, Rita?" Ms. Payne asked politely. "Was it something school related?"

"Uhh, um," Rita stammered. "Yeah. Yes it was. Just saying that they hope I prosper in my future! Nothing like high-school encouragement to get to want to go to Harvard!"

Rita headed towards her room and re-read the letter. Twice. Trying to learn whose handwriting this was so she could beat the snot out of them. Surprisingly, it didn't match any of those in her yearbook as a Junior. Puzzled, Rita set aside the letter and fell onto her bed, being sucked into the comfort and softeness of her comforter on her bed. Rita gazed at the clock, noticing it was only 4:00 PM. If she wanted to reach the park by 1:30, she would need to go to sleep now. She would slip downstairs, hoping her mother would be dead asleep by then so she could grab her shoes and coat and head to the park.

"I better not die or anything..." Rita said outloud as she walked down the dark alley, after waking up from about nine hours of sleep, that only she and her friend Kayla knew about, a shortcut to the park they discovered a while back while running from the police.

Rita stole a glance at her watch and grasped onto the time. 1:35 AM. Only three minutes until death or cleaning up dog poo. Either way, Rita was nervous as she was still curious about what she had to do.

Another glance at the watch. 1:37 and 14 seconds into the minute. On 1:38 exactly was when she would step foot onto the park grounds. 1:37 and 38 seconds. Only a fraction of a minute until a random, bizarre, wacky life was ahead of Rita. 1:37 and 57 seconds.

3...
2...
1...
NOW!!

Rita stepped onto the dew covered grass and waited. At first... nothing.

"What a jip!" Rita yelled. "I come out into the frostbiting cold at 1:30 in the flippen' morning just because some letter told me to, and now I'm just standin' around like an idiot!" Rita grumbled a few curse words to herself and started to step off the grass when a loud booming voice called "Stop, or I'll smite you where you stand!"

Rita whipped around and saw a figure that stood about as tall as an average man, probably a little taller. He was ghostly white, almost in a.... foggish tint. Like a ghost, almost. Rita headed towards him and he ushered her closer.

"Come now, child. I am Petrie and I'm here to guide you." The ghostly Sage said. "Im going to get you started on saving my people. But first we must- GAH!" The ghost screamed out in pain. His fell down, not off his shoulders, but hung low, just staring at the ground. His head lay limp, dangling off his neck like a loose fishing hook out of the water.

"Sir?" Rita said politely. She reached over to tap his should but noticed the most shocking, yet cliché, thing of all- her hand phased right through him! He picked his head up, eyes shimmering with red, pools of deep bloody red color. He turned his had and mouthe the words "Help me" at Rita, then fell over face first into dirt. Standing in his place was a man of eight-feet tall and had several men standing behind him. He laughed a defiant roarish laugh and rode away on a black horse with wings. The men also had horses, except their horses didn't have wings and they didn't budge.

"Rita..." the Sage groaned from the ground. He rolled over to his back. Rita kneeled down to comfort him. "Take this..." he sighed and produced a sword. Just an average looking sword.

"It's enchanted with Twilight Powers..." Petrie explained. "It can slice through anything in the Light Realm, but in the Twilight Realm tis' is no more than just a hunk of metal. Make good use of it child. URK!!" And Petrie's body disappeared. Rita, all alone now, stood with a sword at her feet. She picked it up, eased her coat off, and faced the group of three or four men clustered together. They all produced weapons of the Light Realm, such as kitchend utensils like twin butcher knives and midieval flails and maces. Rita held the sword out, pointed it at the neck of the front of the group of demons, as she decided to call them, and jabbed it inwards, forcing black shadowy goey stuff that appeared to be blood fly out of his neck.

Whew, long chapter, but bear with me folks, this will only be a 12 chapter novel at most! Man, two hours of typing away sure makes me tired. Im gonna go to bed considering it's two o' clock in the morning where I live. G'Night all!

[Stormdancer94]

Awesome Chapter! Loved it! It's odd, this isn't something I'd normally read at all, yet it captures my interest!

Some of the detail is great, although there could be a little more explanation in parts, it moved just a little too fast, but it's still great!

Also, don't forget to make your letters from a mystery person more cryptic and mysterious, with paragraphs! :p

I hope you don't take this as an offense or anything, it's just constructive critism.


Can't wait for more!

[Team Devastation]

The title of your story sounds like a CastleVania game