View Full Version : Bugging Out 5: Winter's Cloak [Winter Comp. Story]

12-26-2007, 12:18 AM
Ready for grading.

Pokemon to catch: Four Burmy (3000-5000 characters each)
Length: 22520+ characters (w/o spaces)


The middle-aged woman stood before the class, rambling on about alternate interior angles, vertical angles, and right angles. The students were tired of listening to this graying brunette, except for a few, who sat upright in their desk. Ronald was one of those people, an "over-achiever" as you may call him. He wasn't necessarily a nerd or unpopular, he just believed that in order to become successful, you just have to give everything your best shot. That might be how he defeated some of the world's greatest Pokemon Trading Card Game players- through dedication and hard work.

However, no matter how dedicated you might be to something, you may still find it boring. As the bell rang to signal the end of 7th period, he gladly exited the room after telling his teacher "Have a nice day". By now, the hallways inside of the school were packed, and the only unpopulated areas seemed to be the white paneled ceiling, and the classrooms that the students were migrating to.

"Well, at least Pokemon Education class is next. Since it's Friday, we'll have some sort of battling practice, I hope." The brown-haired boy mumbled to himself as he navigated the marble halls. He arranged his blue backpack's strap, which was caught on the collar of his black collared shirt. He buried his hands in his blue jeans' pockets, surprised at how much of the winter cold had invaded the building. The hallways were filled with state-of-the-art technology and experienced teachers who welcomed eager students, and those who were not-so-much. The Hearthome City Academy is a prestigious private school that was mostly attended by the sons and daughters of high-class citizens. Although one might think that it would be strict and proper, it is actually fairly lax as long as one does not cause mischief. The brown-eyed teenager approached his next class, surprised at who was there to greet him.

"Hello, Ronald" an elderly woman said, directing him into his 8th period class. Mrs. Apodia was the vice principal of the academy, and it was rare to see her around the hallways during the time between classes as she had once jokingly said that she does "not like being trampled". Also, she had become friends with Ronald's family within the two months that the boy had attended the Hearthome City Academy. Occasionally, she would be invited over and would discuss Ronald's behavior with his parents, much to his chagrin.

"Hello, Mrs. Apodia. How are you today?" the confused student asked, wondering what this meant. "Perhaps she's substituting for the teacher? She has the experience for it, but shouldn't she be busy doing whatever a vice principal does?" he thought to himself as he started to walk into the classroom.

"Well, Miss Wither is sick today, so I thought that I would fill in. Besides, I haven't seen you battle ever since you arrived here." she responded, standing by the doorway. Ronald remembered the rainy day when he first set foot into the academy. Mrs. Apodia had given him a tour around the school, which was interrupted by an unexpected encounter with a golden Kricketot. He had seized the opportunity to battle this Bug Pokemon as he realized how rare an odd-colored Kricketot is. The trainer had sent out his only Pokemon, a Weedle, to battle the rare insect. With some advice from her, Ronald managed to capture the golden Pokemon. Afterwards, the vice principal congratulated him and continued the tour across the vast campus until the final bell rang and she released him to go home. After that, his Kricketot evolved into a strong Kricketune. This is forunate, because his Weedle evolved into an immobile Kakuna almost immediately after.

"Hm, are we still having battling practice today then?" Ronald asked absentmindedly.

"Of course, I just said that I haven't seen you battle since you arrived here. You should pay attention more often, young man!" she lectured, making him roll his eyes. The boy sat down at his desk and read a book as the classroom slowly filled with students. After the desks were filled, Mrs. Apodia closed the door and walked to the wooden podium in front of the class to address the students.

"Now, as you may or may not know, Miss Wither could not be here today as she is ill. However, the agenda has not changed and we will be heading over to the practice gyms for our battling practice lessons. You will need to take all of your possessions as we will not be returning before the final bell rings. Will the last person to leave the classroom please turn off the lights and close the door?" she said in an orderly way. The students emptied out into the hallway, whispering to each other as they walked to the practice gyms. Mrs. Apodia unlocked a large metal door with a green light above it and opened it. The boys and girls walked through into the gym, waiting in a group by the door. Mrs. Apodia closed the door and pressed a small green button that said "In Use" on the wall before turning to speak to the huddled teenagers.

"Now," she said, "will everyone please release the Pokemon that they wish to battle with?" The large gymnasium was filled with bright flashes of red light, the whispers of people discussing which Pokemon they should use with each other, and the cries of many different species of Pokemon. A Nidorina cuddled with a Nidorino, much to the embarrassment of their respectively female and male trainers. A solemn Swellow perched in a tree that was on the forest terrain battle arena. A playful Mudkip swam around with a Luvdisc in the water terrain area, and a Kirlia danced gracefully around her trainer. Ronald released his golden Kricketune, which did not surprise many people. A bratty blond girl whispered "Show-off" to her nodding friend. Some people were jealous that he had a rare Pokemon, claiming that their daddies could just buy them one, while most were happy for him and applauded his efforts.

"Alright, let's begin." the vice principle-turned-teacher said. "Jacob, you will be battling Marisa on the plains arena." an Ariados glanced at a Snubbull with rivalry in its eyes. "Matthew, you will be battling Brandon in the martial arts arena." two friends high-fived each other as their Machop and Tyrogue arm-wrestled. "Ronald, you will be battling Kohaku in the tall grass arena." A pink-haired girl with amber eyes wearing a white blouse with faded jeans smiled at Ronald as her humanoid bunny Pokemon flirted with Kricketune. The Lopunny winked at Kricketune, a blush appearing on her cheeks. As Kricketune approached her, she ran past the bug and tripped him with her ear, giggling. Like Kricketune, Lopunny was also a "shiny" Pokemon, with pink fur where beige fur should be, and a paler brown fur color. However, Kohaku's Pokemon been a gift from her old boyfriend whom she immediately dumped afterwards. As a prime example of modeling, her Lopunny had become mischievous and somewhat vain as well. Ronald didn't care, he just wanted to show Mrs. Apodia how great of a trainer he has become.

"So, I guess you're my opponent, right~?" she said, walking over to him. She held out her arms and Lopunny bounced into the air, performing a graceful flip before landing in Kohaku's pale arms.

"Yes. Let's head over to our arena." Ronald replied, glancing at his Kricketune who was now picking himself up off of the ground. The male trainer signaled to his humiliated maestro to follow him to the tall grass arena where Kohaku and Lopunny had already skipped over to. The tall grass swayed without wind, and various bald patches of dirt bled through the lush vegetation. A lone tree stood to the side of the arena, signifying the boundary to the forest terrain battle arena.

"Here you go, Lopunny!" the pink-haired girl exclaimed as she wrapped a strange fabric around her Lopunny's neck. Lopunny suddenly looked a more agile, and Ronald could not tell why.

"Hey, what's that?" Ronald asked across the grassy field to Kohaku, pointing at Lopunny. Mrs. Apodia apparently heard the question, and walked over to her favorite student.

"Hm, what's that, you ask?" Mrs. Apodia said, examining the object from beside Ronald. "Well," she said, after a moment's thought, "from my battling experience, it appears to be a Choice Scarf, an item that increases the speed of the holder, but limits it to use only one attack." Ronald smirked, and thanked Mrs. Apodia as she walked away before relaying the message to his golden cricket Pokemon.

"This should be easy" he mumbled to himself. "Kricketune, start off with a Fury Cutter attack!"

"Oh, yeah? Well, Lopunny, evade his attack and counter with your special technique!" Kohaku yelled, her mischievous nature discarded for the serious battle.

The muscles in Kricketune's arms tightened before he charged towards the pink-and-brown rabbit Pokemon at a very fast pace. Lopunny waited until the last second before bouncing out of the way in an instant. In a constant blur, Lopunny controlled her ears like wings on a plane to allow her to flip upside-down and remove her scarf. Before Kricketune even noticed her behind him, she had already tied the Choice Scarf around his neck.

"That Lopunny is fast..." Ronald told himself, unaware of the exchange of held items. "Kricketune, use X-Scissor!" Ronald stared at Kohaku as she giggled at his order.

"And just what are you looking at? You should be paying more attention to your own Pokemon instead of a beautiful girl like me!" the vain girl giggled, frustrating Ronald. He noticed too late that Kricketune was wearing the scarf, and that it could only use Fury Cutter.

"Well~, look on the bright side" Kohaku spoke calmly, "Fury Cutter gets more powerful each time it hits, not as if you could even get near my Lopunny. Lopunny, use Agility!"

"Kricketune, watch out! Try and protect yourself! Remember, sometimes the best offense is a good defense!" he ordered, crossing his arms over his chest as an example.

The lop-eared Pokemon went into action with Agility, running circles in the thick blades of dead grass around Kricketune, which was trying to keep up his defense. Lopunny noticed an opening, and tripped Kricketune with her ear as she had done before. Kricketune fell to the ground, cushioned by the brown and orange grass.

"That's it!" Kricketune's trainer thought to himself. "That's how we can defeat her! Kricketune, cut the grass where Lopunny is, and be sure to get the grass and dirt everywhere!"

Lopunny was still taunting Kricketune, and narrowly evaded the incoming Fury Cutter attack. The bunny smirked and balanced herself mid-air with her ears, only to be hit in the face with debris. Poor landscaper. Lopunny lost her balance from shock and crashed into the sturdy tree's trunk behind her with a harsh "CRACK!". She collapsed on the ground below, covered with dirt and grass.

12-26-2007, 12:19 AM
"Walk it off, Lopunny. Use Bounce to hide in the tree branches!" Kohaku ordered, pointing at the tree covered with the remainders of fall's foliage. Lopunny quickly bounced onto the lowest branch and worked her way up before hanging onto a branch where she could see Kricketune. Kricketune flew into the air to survey the damage he had caused, and was confused when he noticed the lack of a Lopunny. Before he knew it, the same Lopunny in question was flying towards him in a deadly Jump Kick attack, knocking him straight out of the air. Lopunny floated gracefully down to the grass and performed another Bounce attack to leap into the tree.

"Kricketune, Lopunny is hiding in the tree!" Ronald yelled, pointing to where Lopunny sat grinning.

"Kricketune, kricket" (Don't you think that I know that already?)

"Well, gee, I'm so sorry," His trainer replied sarcastically, "try and lure her out with more debris!"

Kricketune slashed at the ground with such force, the dirt practically coated the tree. Lopunny coughed and leaped into the air to dive-bomb the mess-making insect, infuriated at what he had done to her "lovely" fur coat. The mess-maker was prepared though, and hit her with a very powerful Fury Cutter attack.

"Come on, Lopunny! If he hits you again, you'll faint! It's time to play dirty... use Attract!" Kohaku screamed, furious at what was happening to her Lopunny.

Lopunny brushed herself off and walked before Kricketune. She closed her eyes and kissed the Bug-type Pokemon, restraining the urge to vomit. She stepped back and looked pleadingly at her opponent, fake tears pooling in the corner of her red eyes. Kricketune looked at the crying bunny that had just kissed him, looking so pathetic with her fur cut short and dirtied due to the wear of battle. Lopunny silently pleaded him to not hurt her with all of her feminine charm, and a small smile crept onto her face as the standstill lasted another second. And another second. And another.

"Kricket, kricketune." (I'm sorry, but I have standards.)


Lopunny fell to the ground, knocked out. Kohaku returned the fainted bunny to her ball and glared at Ronald before walking over to the sidelines of another battle between a Mankey and a Monferno.

"Amazing work, Ronald! Bravo, bravo! You are quite talented, I can tell you that." Mrs. Apodia said, clapping as she walked over to where Ronald was standing. She picked Kricketune up off of the ground and fed him an Oran Berry. Kricketune cried out in glee, and hugged Mrs. Apodia, being careful to not injure her. The bell rang, and all of the students left the academy within minutes, leaving Mrs. Apodia to discuss a battling strategies with Ronald and Kricketune.

"So, you see, when Lopunny first bounced into the tree, you should have told your Kricketune to use Fury Cutter on the tree branches so there would be nothing for Lopunny to hide in. Communication is important between a trainer and his or her Pokemon, both in and out of a battle." She lectured, patting Kricketune on the head.

"Well, I was afraid to damage the tree because it's school property, so I thought that I might be in trouble if I did it, and-" Ronald started, before the elderly lady interrupted him.

"Trouble, Snubbull," she said in a childish manner, "the landscapers are paid to do their jobs. We're not here to worry about such trivial things, we're here to teach our students so that they may be successful Pokemon trainers, breeders, or even gym leaders or... a member of the Elite Four! Good heavens, we've had such a student, though he has long since retired from his position in the Elite Four."

"Really? What was he like?" Ronald questioned, interested in what she had to tell him.

"Well," she began, "he was just like you. A resourceful young man that, I can assure you, had talent. He questioned his abilities sometimes, but no, he did not let that stop him from achieving what he wanted to do. Think about how you've defeated some of the greatest Pokemon Trading Card Game players. I'm amazed at how unknown you are compared to some other people that have done less than you in that area."

"Well, that's true, but that's easier than battling." Ronald replied, "I mean, not everyone plays a Trading Card Game, but Pokemon Battling? Every kid below the age of ten wants to be the best trainer that ever was, and around ninety-five percent of them can't be. I'm just trusting the statistics here, Mrs. Apodia."

"Look, Ronald. If I say that you have potential, then you have potential. You're a very strong battler from what I can tell, and you have only used a Weedle and a Kricketot, whom is now a very nice Kricketune. Now, don't take this the wrong way, but most Bug-type Pokemon are very weak. Sure, they can be strong with training, as with Aaron of the Elite Four, but Bug-type Pokemon are built to swam their enemies in numbers." Kricketune made an angry clicking noise, and poked Mrs. Apodia in the stomach. "Oh, don't take it so badly. I'm just stating the truth. Do you want me to lie and tell you that you're a very strong Pokemon?" she responded, rubbing her stomach and checking her black dress to see if it had torn or had a dirt spot on it.

"Wait a minute... Kricketune, is that Kohaku's Choice Scarf you're still wearing? We have to return that!" Ronald exclaimed, only now just noticing Kricketune's additional accessory.

"Oh my, it appears so. Listen, Kohaku lives over by the church. You know the one I'm talking about, right? Alright, well, it's the house on the... left side of it I believe." Mrs. Apodia commented. "Do be careful though, it's cold outside."

With that, she waved Ronald off, who quickly returned Kricketune to his Poke Ball and dashed out of the metal doors. Luckily, there was nobody on the way to Kohaku's house, as most people had already gone home to escape the cold. He ran past the entrance to the church with stone walls and beautiful stained glass windows depicting a strange white Pokemon with a golden ring around its neck. He stopped before Kohaku's house, and stood there trying to catch his breath.

*pant* *pant* "Well," he sighed," here I go. I hope she doesn't slam the door in my face." The teenager shivered as he pushed the doorbell button, and gazed at the extravagant three-story house. If there's one thing that Ronald had noticed, it's that Hearthome City has a classical division of the rich and the poor. The fortunate upper-class families have spacious, warm homes, while the rest are simply forced to live in moderate to poor-quality houses or apartments or maybe even inside of the Pokemon Center, which practically signifies that you are a homeless person if you are sleeping there above the age of eighteen. The strange thing is, Hearthome City doesn't really have any job opportunities other than the Contest Hall and a few small businesses. Most of the people who move to Hearthome City simply move there due to the quality of life, and have either earned enough money to last through retirement, or are the head of a very large and important company.

The shivering boy peered through the glass in the door, which was covered by a festive wreath. A crimson-haired woman answered the door with a somewhat questioning expression. Perhaps she was used to answering the door for beggars? He noted the baseball bat hidden behind a potted plant by the door, and assumed that the family was somewhat paranoid.

"Are you here for something?" the redhead asked, drawing his gaze back to her. She had amber eyes, so Ronald assumed that she was Kohaku's mother.

"Yes, I think that I have something that belongs to Kohaku." He said, noting how she winced when he told her Kohaku's name. He released his Kricketune, and removed the scarf from his neck before returning the cricket Pokemon to his Poke Ball.

"I'm sorry, but my daughter does not battle with Pokemon, so that can not possibly be her possession." Kohaku's mother's eyes glanced towards the baseball bat again, and she stood still for my response. Ronald noticed Kohaku staring at him with a pale face from the balcony above the stairs in the entryway, as if telling him to leave.

"I'm sorry to intrude on your time then. Have a nice day." he told her. She closed the door with such speed, he could swear that the glass would shatter, but strangely enough, it made no sound. A minute passed before Kohaku slipped outside where Ronald was standing, surprising him.

"Look, I'm sorry about that, but my mom's kind of paranoid about strangers coming over to our house. Let's go to the park to talk." she said, grabbing the Choice Scarf from his hand. "Thanks for returning my scarf. I'm sorry that my mother was so cold to you, but she doesn't know that I battle with Lopunny."

"What? Why doesn't your mother know that you battle?" Ronald asked, dumbfounded.

"Well..." Kohaku said nervously, "my parents don't want me to be a Pokemon trainer. They said something about family honor, and how it wouldn't be ladylike to battle with Pokemon, and some other things. To be honest, I wouldn't even be in your Pokemon Education class if it weren't for Mrs. Apodia listening to me and changing my schedule. She's really nice, and somehow, my secret hasn't been found out yet." At this point, both of them noticed that they were walking past the church back towards the academy.

"Why are you telling me this? Aren't you afraid that I'll tattle on you or something?" Ronald replied, trying to divert their attention from the fact that they were walking down a lonely street together.

"Well, I'm tired of keeping it a secret. I'm sure that you're not one to blab though." Kohaku replied.

"Blab? How unladylike of you to say a word like that, Kohaku!" he exclaimed in a falsetto voice. Both of them laughed until a stern look from a person inside of the church silenced them. They continued down the path until Ronald broke the silence.

"How do you have Lopunny then?" he asked, his breath forming a white cloud in the frozen air.

"Well, as you may have heard from some gossip, I used to have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with Shiki, the son of a very wealthy businessman who has at least two mansions. The thing is, Shiki knew about my family's issues with Pokemon battling, so he decided to buy me a very rare Buneary for my birthday last year. Things didn't turn out so well, as my father and mother complained to his parents and they didn't understand why it was not an acceptable present, and blah blah blah. To make a long story short, my parents made me break up with Shiki, though I could keep Buneary because Buneary and Lopunny are two of the Pokemon that my parents consider to be both ladylike and a sign of luxury. At least I was lucky about that, though they forbade me to battle with Buneary, and instead treat it with vitamins and Rare Candy if I wanted to evolve her into a Lopunny. Naturally, I did that to an extent, but I also used it as my alibi to cover up how she was getting stronger whenever I battled somebody in battle practice."

"So, your parents basically let you keep your Pokemon, but you can't let her battle? That's very sad, and I hope that things manage to-" Ronald responded as he ran headfirst into a tree. He hadn't even noticed that they were in the park, so he was obviously confused.

"Ronald, are you OK?" Kohaku asked, helping him up.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thank God there's no one else here. They'd never let me live that down." He responded, rubbing his forehead. She only laughed before releasing Lopunny from her Poke Ball. Ronald released Kricketune from his Poke Ball, and all four of them sat in the cold park underneath a tree for protection from the cold. Lopunny's fur had already regrown thanks to the assistance of the Pokemon Center that Kohaku had taken her to after the battle, and Kricketune had some scratches, though he refused to admit that he was injured in front of his previous opponent. Naturally, Lopunny was bitter towards Kricketune for his spiteful one-liner before he knocked her out with Fury Cutter, but she quickly forgave him after he apologized.

Nobody noticed the four small shapes drop down from the trees behind them. They moved very slowly and cautiously towards the four larger shapes that were too busy in conversation to even notice them. They slowly moved around the larger forms until Kohaku finally noticed them.

"Aw, they're so cute, aren't they?" she asked Ronald as she picked one up off of the ground and placed it into her lap. "Isn't it a Bearmy?"

"Burmy." He answered. "They're Bug-type Pokemon that change their cloaks depending on their environment in order to stay warm and safe. Sadly enough, that sounds like a homeless person in description."

"Hm, that's true... my parents wouldn't like to let them in, no matter how cold they are." She said absentmindedly, now with all four cradled in her arms. They all looked somewhat identical in their cloaks of leaves, and Kohaku absolutely adored them.

"Well, they can stay at my house, but only if I catch them in a Poke Ball. There are rules in my neighborhood that say that wild Pokemon cannot be kept as pets; only caught Pokemon." Ronald responded. The four Burmy hopped up and down in the girl's lap, as if saying that they would like to battle Ronald. They leaped onto the ground, and divided into two equal groups. One group stood before Kohaku, and one group stood before Ronald.

"Wait, you want to battle both of us 2-on-1?" he asked, receiving quick hops from the Burmy. "Well, it's OK with me. What about you, Kohaku?"

"Well, I'm OK with it too, but you're going to have to keep those Burmy if we manage to catch them." she agreed. Lopunny and Kricketune smiled, and stood before their respective groups.

"Kricket, kricketune." (They look kind of... weak to me.)

"Lopunny, punny." (Well, you looked weak to me, and you ended up being a tough battle.)

"Kricketune!" (Hey! What's that supposed to mean?)

"Lop!" (Nothing!)

"Will you two stop flirting with each other and get on with the battle?" Ronald and Kohaku shouted in unison.

"Lopunny." "Kricketune." (Look who's talking.)

"Kricketune, tackle the Burmy on your right!" Ronald ordered, pointing to a Burmy that was began to brace for the impact. Kricketune slammed into a powerful barrier, and was attacked from behind with a Hidden Power attack from the other Burmy.

"Gr... Kricketune, get it off of your back with Bug Buzz!" the trainer shouted. Kricketune's wings became a blur, and a slow droning sound began. The Burmy fell to the ground dazed before Kricketune attacked it with Fury Cutter. The Baum's cloak of leaves fell apart, and it began to hastily pull it back together with its multiple dark green legs.

"Lopunny, they're aligned! Jump Kick now!" Kohaku exclaimed. Lopunny leaped at the two Burmy with her leg outstretched, narrowly missing them as they rolled out of the way. Lopunny collided with a tree, leaving a small hole in the side of the trunk. Lopunny winced and hopped around on one foot, clutching her sore leg. The two Burmy used Hidden Power, firing spheres of lightning and ice at the injured Bunny.

"Use Mirror Coat, Lopunny!" her trainer said hurriedly. Lopunny created a shimmering translucent dome of energy just in time to reflect part of the attacks at their users. The glowing cyan and yellow spheres made a soft crackling sound as they bounced off of the dome, the force of the impact pushing Lopunny back a few inches. One Burmy fainted, and the other seemed to be barely conscious. "KO that Burmy with Quick Attack, now!" Lopunny dashed at the Burmy, slapping it with her long ears for the knockout.

"You did it, Lopunny!" Kohaku cheered, returning her Pokemon. "Of course, now I have to wait for Ronald. Hurry up, will you?"

"Whatever, you just got lucky. I obviously have the stronger opponents." he replied haughtily. "Kricketune, knock the weak Burmy out with X-Scissor, then keep on attacking the other Burmy with Fury Cutter!"

Kricketune immediately flew over to the small bagworm that was trying to put its cloak back together and slashed at it with both arms, destroying its new blanket of leaves. The other Burmy was attempting to avenge its comrade with a desperate Tackle attack from behind, knocking the golden cricket down for a moment. Embarrassed, the bigger bug brought himself up from the grassy ground, turning immediately to have his Fury Cutter attack meet with a fierce Protect technique. The Burmy made a small sound as if to say, "You can't get me!" to the slashing Bug Pokemon. After a few slashes making contact, the Burmy's shield of light shattered leaving it to face a powerful Fury Cutter attack. The Burmy's cloak, much like the cloaks of its siblings, fell tattered to the ground. The victor of the battle stood triumphantly, crossing his arms over his chest and producing a cheerful melody.

"Good job, Kricketune! Poke Balls, go!" Ronald exclaimed, tossing a Poke Ball at each of the fainted bagworms.

1... 2... 3...?


I hope that I manage to catch these little bagworm Pokemon. >:3

Dog of Hellsing
01-07-2008, 08:09 PM
Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry that it took me so long to get to this! Please don't kill me...*Hides.*

Plot/Introduction: Two teens have a Pokemon battle at school, one with a Kricketune and one with a Lopunny. Surprisingly, Kricketune becomes the winner. Afterwards, his Trainer realizes he still has the Lopunny's Trainer's Choice Scarf and decides to return it to her.

After going to her house to turn the item in and being turned away by the girl's paranoid mother, our hero goes to leave, only to get sidetracked when the girl sneaks out. He gives her the scarf and they go for a walk, ending up in the park. After an embarassing run-in with a tree, our hero and his friend sit down, only to be challenged a few minutes later by four Burmy who think being captured is a good trade in order to be warm.

Our hero and his friend battle the little bagworms, knocking them out and chucking PokeBalls at them.

All in all, it was a pretty good plot for some Burmy. Not bringing up the main battle until it happened was nice, and the battle itself was short and sweet, as well as (somewhat) two-sided. Very nice job.

As for the introduction, it was just a tiny bit slow, but it keeps your reader reading with the promise of better things to come, and you fulfill that promise pretty quickly.. You most certainly get a Pass for these parts ^^.

Length: More than enough, so pass.

Details: Hmmm, there was some lacking in this department sadly. You described the main character and some of the Pokemon well, as well as some scenery. But really, that was about it.

Whenever you introduce something new, try to describe as much as you can, be it the surroundings, a new character, a new Pokemon, whatever. And don't only describe the visual things. Tell your reader what something smells like, feels like, sounds like, and in some cases what things might even taste like.

It sounds hard, I know, and there are times when you can overwhelm your reader with too much information. However, more often than not there is too little description, instead of being too much. In order to help, I suggest taking something, like a tree, and describing everything about it. Then work up to something harder, like a group of people, and then to something harder yet, like a city or a town. Doing this will help you sort out the things that need attention called to them, and the things you can leave out. For example, for the tree idea, you want the reader to know what it looks like, how it feels maybe, how the wind through the leaves sound, but you can leave out the taste of bark XD.

I can give you this little thing to help out, how I would describe a flower, with the different senses broken into sections:

Visual: "The flower was tiny, barely an inch tall. The petals were miniscule, and it was hard to make out their coloring from a distance. Only when one got down close to it could they see that each petal was a delicate shade of dark purple, bordering on black. The stem was dark green, and the small leaves that grew all it were curly and had soft, grayish fluff growing on them."

Touch: "The cottony material growing on the leaves was so fine that it couldn't be felt at all. The only thing that did register against the skin was the silky texture of the leaves and petals themselves."

Audio: n/a (Flowers don't make noises, even when the wind blows over them and such, so we don't need this)

Olfactory: "The scent coming off this fragile little plant wasthe softest cotton, mingled with traces of warm honey. It was one that most likely would have made a good perfume: not too strong, and not so weak as to not exist."

Taste: n/a (People don't need to know how something tastes unless it's something that has ended up in the mouth, or a powerful scent that would also be tasted)

Put it all together: "The flower was tiny, barely an inch tall. The petals were miniscule, and it was hard to make out their coloring from a distance. Only when one got down close to it could they see that each petal was a delicate shade of dark purple, bordering on black. The stem was dark green, and the small leaves that grew all it were curly and had soft, grayish fluff growing on them. The cottony material growing on the leaves was so fine that it couldn't be felt at all. The only thing that did register against the skin was the silky texture of the leaves and petals themselves. The scent coming off this fragile little plant was the softest cotton, mingled with traces of warm honey. It was one that most likely would have made a good perfume: not too strong, and not so weak as to not exist."

Different things need to be described in different ways. For example, a breeze would most likely have no taste to it. A lock would have no sound, no taste. You can play around with different things and see what all you can come up with for that thing's description, then read all you got and try to think what would be the most important to convey to your reader.

I'll give this a borderline pass.

Grammar/Spelling: This was where I noticed the most issues. The thing you did the most was putting a period where you needed a comma:

"Whatever, you just got lucky. I obviously have the stronger opponents." he replied haughtily.

It should have been:

"Whatever, you just got lucky. I obviously have the stronger opponents," he replied haughtily.

You don't need the period if the sentence hasn't been completed yet, even though the dialogue has. Instead, use a comma to show that the sentence is still going. Of course, when the dialogue ends with a question mark or an exclaimtion point, or the trail-off periods (you know, the "..." things), then you don't need to add a comma or a period.

There were a few other issues I saw, but they weren't anything all that bad. The thing you really need to work on is what Ive just mentioned. Pass for this.

Battle: Heh, it was short and sweet, which is fine because you had two strong Pokemon going up agasint some Burmy. It couldn't really have been long and complex with those little bagworms only knowing Tackle, Protect, and OH GASP! Hidden Power :rolleyes:.

Anyways, Pass for this, because it was somewhat two-sided, even though a Lopunny could have whupped a Burmy in less time lol.

Outcome: All in all, good effort for this things. x4 Burmy Captured! Enjoy the wormses lol.