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View Full Version : It takes two to tango [Paired story]


Emily
12-28-2007, 05:22 AM
Pokemon: Nidoran and Nidoran
Characters: 20, 172
Needs: 10,000 - 20,000
Status: Unfinished

It takes two to tango

Part one

---

Star looked up at the black velvet sky, her ruby red eyes wide and unblinking. Her soft skin was a light blue shade, and was spattered with darker patches. She had large ears, and a rather rotund body. The Pokemon had a small horn on her forehead, not unlike that of her male counterpart’s, but smaller.

“Why are you up so late?” asked a voice from behind her, “you should be asleep!”

“Why are we having an unnecessary war?” the young Nidoran asked, ignoring her mother’s question.

The older Nidoran sighed, “Well dear, us two clans are fighting over territory – we each want the best for our young.”

“But we’re the same!” cried Star, not understanding the concept of a territorial siege, “The only difference is that they’re male, and we’re female…”

Her mother sighed, “I know, dear, but we need the best land to raise our young ones, and then when you get older, males from the other clan will court you. If you end up choosing a mate, you’ll have a child. If it’s a girl, she’ll stay here, with you. If it’s a boy, the father will keep it.”

Star nodded slowly, “so if we win the war and get the territory, I’ll grow up on better land?”

The older Pokemon nodded, “yes, exactly what I mean.”

“So I suppose it’s all for the best, then?” asked the young Nidoran.

Her mother nodded, and began to walk away, leaving the small Pokemon alone with her thoughts.

‘If winning the war will help me grow up a stronger Pokemon, then I’ll do whatever I have to if it will help us!” Star thought, getting up off her haunches.

The small blue Pokemon dashed through the forested area, picking her way through the sharp objects on the grassy floor. It wasn’t very long before she came across the male’s camp, and began her objective; infiltrate their base!

She spotted a few half asleep guards, and guessed that they were stationed there to keep out intruders. Lying low, the female Nidoran slunk towards the series of intricate tunnels that led were dug out to serve as a war camp.

‘Pfft,’ Star thought, ‘we could drown them before they could get out!’

Staying as low to the ground as possible, the small rodent snuck past the guards, who didn’t think twice about the dark blob moving into the tunnels. As she crawled through the tunnels on her belly, the Nidoran attempted to memorise all of the forked paths that she had to go through, so that she knew how to get back.

Unfortunately, she spent about half an hour in the tunnels, and didn’t find any incriminating evidence, unless countless sleeping Nidoran count. Turning around, she spent another half hour in the dark tunnels, before declaring that she was lost.

Plonking herself right on her rear, the little rodent tried hard not to cry, as she knew she’d be found soon, or worse – have to stay the night in this dank, slimy place, and then be found!

The echoing sound of footsteps reached her ears, and Star tensed, ready to flee at a moment’s notice. A young male rounded the corner, and for a second, Star’s crimson eyes were interlocked with his.

His skin was a light pink colour, and had purple spots. His ears were a lot like his female counterpart’s – long and vaguely rabbit like. He had long three, sharp spines on his back, which were most likely poisonous. His horn was a lot longer and sharper than Star’s, and more capable of wounding as well.

“Why are you here?” he whispered, probably about as scared as Star was right now, “Did you bring others?”

The blue Nidoran shook her head, “no, I’m the only one. Are you… are you going to turn me in?”

The other Pokemon frowned, “I don’t think so. What’s the point? So we’ll get a little further in this pointless war?”

“I feel the same way,” Star said quietly, “this is absolutely pointless. Can’t we just share the land? Sometimes I just want to run away from all of this!”

Her companion gave a small smile, “they say it takes two to tango…”

The female Nidoran cocked her head to the side, “what do you mean?”

“I mean we should run away together! We’re both sick of all this fighting, so why not?” he said, getting excited.

Star smiled, “that’s a good idea. But we’ll have to be quiet, so we don’t get caught. Oh, I’m Star, by the way.”

“Kurin,” said the other Pokemon, “nice to meet you!”

With the introductions out of the way, the two began to progress back through the tunnels.

Ketamine
12-28-2007, 06:03 AM
They two travelled down the long and winding tunnel as they search for the exit, they moved in stealth as they didn't want anyone to hear them, if they were caught together they could be trialled for treason, and the highest penalty for that could mean death, or even the sawing of each others horns. Kurin looked at Stars face and he felt a feeling he hadn't felt before, a sign of friendship or maybe even more.

He wanted the war to stop like many others in his tribe, but he is the only one that actually steps up to the leader and asks for this war to stop, like many of the elders they denied his request, and many of the other male Nidorans thinking he is foolish and stupid to challenge the elders to stop this war over the territory.

They walked further down the tunnel but still no exit.

"These tunnels are designed to trap many intruders and not many people know the exit." Kurin said.

"Well you should know the exit right, you are a male Nidoran." Star replied.

"Its hard to know which way is the exit, theres alot of dead ends and traps, watch out for trip wires and ditches," Kurin said, "I haven't seen the blueprints of this tunnel, they said they were going to show us later this week so we could trap any intruders and not get trapped ourselves."

"Ok then, I think we are near the exit as I can smell the more Male Nidorans." Star said.

"More male Nidorans could mean trouble, so watch out, you have to smell out there tag, as we male can only smell female tags and little male ones." Kurin replied.

There was a loud crack and Kurin realised Star had stepped onto a twig trap, this special sort of twig makes a loud crack to alert the male Nidorans of intruders and Kurin was panicking that they could be caught and if they do, theres no way the elders would be nice about it.

"Star run for it, I'll catch up later!" Kurin said.

"Why, whats wrong?" Star asked.

"You just stepped onto a Twig Trap, thats why it made that huge crack, its a special twig that alerts the other males of intruders!" Kurin replied.

"But I can't just leave you here, they might get you!" Star said.

"Even if they get me, they can't put me on arrest without a reason, I'll just say I was sleep walking and woke up when I stepped onto the twig!" Kurin said.

"Ok then, I'll spray my sent over on a tree when I get out, and you can find me there!" Star said.

"Ok, good luck, and I hope you make it out!" Kurin said.

Star started to run off further into the tunnel searching for the exit. After a couple of minutes sitting on the ground Kurin was meet by a couple of guards, they looked big, one was even a Nidorino!

"Hey you, puppy, did you see who stepped on the Twig Trap?" Nidorino asked.

"Umm, sorry but I think it was me. I was sleep walking and then I woke up after this loud crack, so I came to a conclusion that I must of stepped onto the Twig Trap after I was sleep walking." Kurin answered.

"Hmm, I can smell a female Nidoran, its a very strong scent." Nidorino said, Kurin at the moment was shaking after he heard that.

Around from the corner he could see Star, standing behind the guards, Kurin gave her a stare with his eyes bulging out and grinding his teeth as like he wanted to say "What are you still doing here?"

"Hey what are you looking at?" Nidorino demanded.

"Oh nothing, I was just looking at that hole in the tunnel, someone should really fix it up." Kurin lied.

"Ok, well you better be off as this tunnel is off limits and its late....wait..." Nidorino just suddenly stopped talking, Kurin started panicking again.

"The smell of a female Nidoran lurks around here, and I don't think this kid is telling the truth, we better take him into custody." The other guard said.

Before Kurin could do anything Star started to run up to one of the guards with her mouth open and teeth baring out and laid a huge Crunch on the Male Nidoran Guard!

The other guard turned around to see his partner dazzled with a female Nidoran laying her teeth into his skull.

"Intruder alert, Intruder alert!" Nidorino shouted!

Nidorino rushed up to Star with his overgrown horn prodding out for an Horn Attack! Kurin thought with an attack force like that could knockout Star in one hit!

Kurin rushed up to the Nidorino prodding his horn and his horn started to glow like crazy and it hit Nidorino on the temple, it was a one hit knockout! Kurin just used Horn Drill on Nidorino. Both of the guards were knocked out and that gave them the chance to escape out of the tunnel and into freedom, thats if they get out.

Emily
01-04-2008, 12:13 AM
Kurin sprinted through the tunnel system, kicking up the dirt and exposing traps for his new friend. Luckily, they had gotten out of the series of tunnels that he didn’t know, and soon he started to recognise familiar things.

“Stop!” cried Star from behind him, skidding to a halt, “I smell them – they’re coming for us!”

Kurin looked around wildly for an escape, knowing that he and his new friend would be put to death if they were caught by the guards. He cursed under his breath – it was a straight tunnel, and there were no forks in sight.

“Is there another tunnel next to this one?” asked his friend.

Kurin nodded, “yeah, on the left.”

Star gave a sharp nod, and charged at the tunnel wall. Kurin shut his eyes tightly as his friend ploughed through the crumbling dirt wall, smashing through it and sending pieces of dirt flying in all directions.

“Well, come on!” said the female Nidoran, beckoning her friend through the gaping hole in the tunnel.

The pink Pokemon nodded, and ran through. Once through the hole, he took the lead again, taking his friend through the twisting tunnels. They had almost reached the exit, when they saw a bunch of guards blocking the way out.

“No…” Star whispered, terrified.

Kurin looked at his new friend, “come on, let’s go back!”

The female Nidoran didn’t need to be told twice! She sprinted back through the tunnels, kicking up the mud and breaking up tunnels as she went. Soon, she found herself in a dead end, and turned around. Seeing that the guards were gaining on her, Star turned to the wall and smacked her back paws against it in a vicious Double Kick attack. The tunnel started to rumble, and suddenly, the roof fell down, burying the guards in mud and dust.

That now posed another problem; she was stuck against a wall, with a fair few feet of dirt separating her from the rest of the tunnel. She heard a voice, and struggled to make out what it was saying.

“Star, are you alright? It’s Kurin!”

The Nidoran nodded, and then realised that her friend couldn’t hear her. “I think so…”

“Okay, I’m going to try to dig you out!” he said.

“Don’t!” Star screamed, “There are guards buried under there!”

“Come now. A roof just caved in on them. Would you survive that?”

Star’s blood ran cold – he was right, they couldn’t have survived. That meant that now their counts of treason would be murder as well. The female Nidoran began to scrape away at the dirt with her horn, teeth and claws. After a while of digging, she touched something soft, and instantly recoiled. There, lying to the ground, was the first of the guards. His skin was deathly pale, and a small trickly of blood ran from his mouth.

“I found a guard…” she said, her voice strained.

“It’s okay, just dig around him,” assured Kurin.

Drawing in a shuddering breath, Star began to form a new path around the guard, and soon she touched another body. This one was warm.

“… Kurin, is that you?” she asked quietly.

“Is what me?” he asked.

The female Nidoran began to panic. “I’m touching something, and it’s warm!”

The thing began to stir, and she glanced at it. Yep, definitely a guard.

“It’s moving, what do I do?” she asked frantically.

“Kill it!”

Star gulped – she didn’t know how to kill anything, let alone another Nidoran! Nonetheless, it was do or die here, so she had to do it. Lifting her paw, she shoved her claws into the guard, and hoped she hit the right spot. There was a strangled scream, and then the male Nidoran fell limp.

Looking down, the rodent gasped in horror. There was a gaping wound in her victim’s neck, and blood was flowing freely from it. And there, in the gore, was her paw.

Star fainted dead on the spot.

Emily
01-04-2008, 06:47 AM
Apparently Jack said TE can keep URPGing when he's temp. banned, so I'm posting the last part for him.

---

“Star, are you alright?” Kurin asked.

Star didn’t answer, Kurin couldn’t really see what did happen with her, all he could see that there was blood squirting out everywhere, he thought of the worst, did the guard attack Star, or did Star get the hard, he softly nudged her with his horn, but still no reply, she was out cold. Kurin nudged her a couple more times, but with the tip of his horn where the poison spouts, she still didn’t even move or say a word. Kurin thought how they could get out if she is knocked out and presumed bleeding. Kurin had to get Star out of the hole or else she might die of suffocation in this underground tunnel which seems to have no end. They were trapped; the guards would surely find them now. Kurin started to push on Star, he thought he could move her out of the tunnel just by pushing her back up but it wouldn’t work. He had to dig and drag Star up and down the tunnel to get out, this took a while, but they could finally smell the night air, still fresh in its youth, the smell of the flowers couldn’t of been any better than that, they smelt everything, but the thing they wanted most and had the most scent, was the scent of freedom, they no longer need to listen to there clan leaders, they no longer need to war against each others, they no longer need to see blood and tears shed everywhere, after they have escaped, they will have peace and freedom without anyone bothering them and one day, they might even start there own separate tribes, but without war, only with love and care.

Star started to get her conscious back, she was looking around surprised but still groggy after her shock attack. It was the first time she had seen something that dead and lifeless, it was also the first time she had harmed anyone to a certain degree of pain and suffering, it was murder she knew it was, if they got caught, they would be dead. She could smell a strong smell that she hasn’t smelt before, something large, big and she felt bad as if they were going to get hit with something big and strong. The scent got closer and closer; the puddles on the muddy ground had ripples in it, and out from the cave came a Nidoking It had big buff arms and legs that looked like the size of a tree trunk, it had massive poison spikes coming out its back and with poisoned tips coming out from his elbow, his tail whipped around the dirt like a snake but the size of it was huge, another big log. His horn on his head was WAY overgrown; he even has little horns coming out from the tip of it, his teeth grinded as it looked like it was going to charge at us. He was one of the head Officers.

“Star wake up! Its one of the head guards, he looks like his about to attack, you have to help me defeat him!” Kurin shouted.

“Ok, I am still a bit groggy; please don’t make me kill him as well.” Star replied.

“Ok, well I’ll start the attack first, then we work on him together and he won’t know what hit him!” Kurin said, “Wow I just felt a boost in my attack power, it must be my ability Rivalry! Star stay here, I’m going to start with a dig attack!”

Kurin jumped up and back down as he lashed his claws down at the hard turf, after a couple of seconds Kurin disappeared underground, to leave Star facing Nidoking alone.

“Little girl where has your boyfriend gone? I guess he found out that we Male Nidos are the way, we need no women, you are going to suffer the fate of all the women who have seen me, and that is death by my horn!” Nidoking shouted, “Your little male friend had probably went to alert the others, he isn’t your friend, he is just our little Nido who traps females into thinking that there safe in our territory!”

Those couple of words gave a word of doubt to Star; she started think if Kurin was actually what Nidoking said, a little male Nidoran trapping young females to get his trust and then when they least expect it, back stab them and take them into security, it was a hard thought, but Start was starting to doubt Kurins ability.

Nidoking started to charge at Star, she was shivering in the cold and damn scared of what would happen if she got hit by that Horn Attack. So she dug underground, into the same hole Kurin dug, as she went down into that hole she could hear a big thud, she re-emerged from the sand to see Nidoking down on the ground in pain while Kurin was standing on top of him.

“Kurin what did you do?” Star asked.

“I used Dig attack on him; it should be enough to keep him down for the moment.” Kurin replied, “In the mean while start running for your life, there going to try to find us and kill us!”

They both ran, far away, further from the night, knowing they couldn’t say bye to there parents or friends, knowing that if they went back they would be killed, having nothing to go back to now, they ran, into the city, where the night moon died and the sun rose, it was morning, the two Nidorans were found sleeping on a forest bench.

As they woke up, they found themselves in a battle with two trainers, Kurin and Star was scared they were going to get caught and get separated.

The trainers were a male and a female; the male had a brown t-shirt with a logo on it and dark blue jeans, with runners and his belt which was full of Pokeballs. The female was wearing a spotty dress, it was blue with red spots, and she was wearing runners and had a sash in her hair.

Both trainers slid there fingers across there belt to choose what Pokemon they would send. The female threw out the first Pokeball, a flash of white appeared and a big flying Pokemon materialized out of the Pokeball, it had a long tail and long wings, it sort of looked like a big bug flying thing, but as the white flash disappeared it was clear the huge Pokemon was a Flygon. The male then threw a Pokeball as well, this time it was a much smaller Pokemon, it had a Red Turban like thing on its head with a little read jewel, it also looked like it had a small red scarf around its neck and a small red scarf for its tail, it had sharp claws as it looked like it was going to swipe and a black body, it was a Weavile, migrated from Sinnoh Region.

Kurin and Star both started to run away, but there speed was no match for the fully evolved Weavile and Flygon. It looked like Flygon was floating above the ground as Weavile ran with his claws hanging down. Flygon was ready to use a Stone Edge attack on Kurin as it dug down into the earth to hide from the massive rocks, as Kurin was underground his light was blocked by the rock Flygon threw to him from the Stone Edge attack.. Star dug a small hole in the ground in search of rocks, she found a couple of big ones and she hoisted it up with her horn and tossed it at Weavile, this was a Rock Tomb attack, Weavile was hit and it looked hurt as his speed was seriously damaged in that attack. It was Weaviles turn to go on the offensive side of the battle, he used a strange maneuver that looked like he was prancing and dancing around Swords, it was a Swords Dance attack to increase his attack power. Flygon flew up and then slammed his body down onto the ground, it caused a huge Earthquake, everyone was hurt, Kurin was hurt the most as he was underground and the tunnel he dug caved into him. Star was worried about Kurin and dug him out of the dirt. As they re-emerged into from the hole, Kurin was met by Weaviles frosted fist, an Ice Punch attack which knock-out the already damaged Nidoran M, Star was next to be hit, a Iron Tail attack met her face from Flygon. They were both knocked out and had no chance of escaping. The two trainers walked up to the Nidorans with separate Pokeballs, they tapped the balls on the Nidorans head and they de-materialized into the ball.

Will Star and Kurin be separated? Will the trainers catch them? Or will they escape?

Bryce
01-04-2008, 07:11 AM
I am claiming this just so you know! :3

Bryce
01-13-2008, 05:17 AM
Story/Plot: Alright, so as the story opens, we are suddenly thrust into a war between the two genders of Nidoran: Female and Male, who both feel that they have the right to the best land upon which to raise their young. Star, a young female, at first doesn’t understand it all, but after talking with her mother, she decides that she will do whatever she can to help the females achieve victory. After infiltrating the male camp and sneaking down into their tunnel system, she happens upon a male Nidoran, and the two strike up a bond over their hate for the needless war. Deciding to run away together, they venture off down the tunnels, but happen upon a massive group of Nidoran and Nidorino, who they engage in combat with. A couple fights and a caved-in tunnel later, Star and Kurin find their way outside, attack a Nidoking, and run away into the forest. The next day as they awake on a park bench, they battle with two trainers.

It was definitely a good enough plot for two Simple Pokemon. You strayed far from the customary storyline, instead finding your way into a Romeo and Juliet type of plot with two Nidoran being the starring characters. I commend you for placing such a historical twist on a modern situation, and I also liked the concept of a war between two genders, so it was good.

However, Star seems to contradict herself at one point in the story. At first she states that she would do anything to further the females’ chance of winning the war, hence her venture into the males’ camp, but then once she meets up with Kurin, she says that she doesn’t understand the war, when she clearly knew what her mother was talking about in the beginning. This doesn’t have a huge impact on the story as a whole, but I just wanted to point it out. ^_^

Finally, I felt a little left in the dark as to the whole reason behind the territorial conflict between the two sides. I know that you tell us that each gender wants the land so that they can raise the children on it, but I suspected that there was a deeper meaning to it……*thinks*

Also, you state that they meet up to mate (males & females), but don’t you think that would be sort of hard seeing as they have waged war against one another. Meh, these sort of things would go unnoticed by most, but they are things to consider when constructing a deeper type of tale.

Introduction: You do this well enough. We are let in as to why the war is taking place, what each of the characters look like, and much of the basic information. I did, however, notice many things that were left out that could have had a big impact on developing your initial characters:

Even though there was a short exchange of words in the beginning between them, I don’t feel that you put enough stress on Star and her mother’s relationship. I would have liked to know a bit about how they felt about one another. Also, where is this story taking place? I know that you are telling it from the point of view of Pokemon, but they still recognize regions and cities and such.

A major factor that was nonexistent as well was the depiction of not only Star’s, but also Kurin’s background. How were they raised? What type of people were they brought up around, and what kinds of experiences helped to shape them into the beings they are today? Many of these things would be very, very important in formulating their decision to run away, and I was really disappointed that I didn’t see them here.

Spelling/Grammar: Prepare for the Grammar Nazi to take his shift. :D
(There were quite a few errors that I came across, but I sifted through and picked out only the dire ones.)

‘If winning the war will help me grow up a stronger Pokemon, then I’ll do whatever I have to if it will help us!” Star thought, getting up off her haunches.

It is really confusing if you put a character’s thoughts in quotation marks, for that leads us to think that they are speaking the words out loud. It would be best to italicize the sentence instead.

“Why are you up so late?” asked a voice from behind her, “you should be asleep!”

This is only a small error on your part, but the [you] in the second part of her speech should be capitalized.

It wasn’t very long before she came across the male’s camp

Since you are referring to the male gender as a whole, the apostrophe would come after the [s] in [males].

the Nidoran attempted to memorise all of the forked paths

I don’t know if this is just a regional issue or something, for you are from Australia, and I: America, but here it is spelled [memorize], but it might be done a different way in your country. =]

He had long three, sharp spines on his back, which were most likely poisonous.

The first half of this sentence just sounds really strange. I think it would be best if you were to switch the positions of [long] and [three], so that it sounded like this: He had three long, sharp spines on his back.

Kurin looked at Stars face and he felt a feeling he hadn't felt before, a sign of friendship or maybe even more.

There are two errors in this sentence. First, there should be an apostrophe before the [s] in [Stars], and second: there should be a comma after [face], for it is the beginning of the second infused thought within the compound sentence.

"Ok then, I'll spray my sent over on a tree when I get out, and you can find me there!"

This is one of those common homophone mistakes, like they’re, there, & their. You should actually use [scent] in place of [sent] here, for they have two completely different meanings.

His skin was deathly pale, and a small trickly of blood ran from his mouth.

I actually Lol’d at this. It was probably just a mere typo, but you should have replaced the [y] in [trickly] with an [e]. lmao :D

He had to dig and drag Star up and down the tunnel to get out, this took a while, but they could finally smell the night air, still fresh in its youth. The smell of the flowers couldn’t have been any better than that; they smelt everything, but the thing they wanted most and had the most scent was the scent of freedom. They no longer need to listen to there clan leaders; they no longer need to war against each others. They no longer needed to see blood and tears shed everywhere. After they have escaped, they would have peace and freedom without anyone bothering them, and one day they might even start there own separate tribes, but without war, only with love and care.

Wow. Overload. I know this was a major internal realization and you wanted to fit in as much of Kurin’s thoughts as you could, but there were many instances where you could have broken this run-on up. I have indicated them, as well as a few other mistakes I came across.

Overall, many of the mistakes could have been avoided with a good spellchecker (and, or) a person reading over your story and informing you of the errors. Many of them happened to just be repeats, so be sure to remember the corrections so you don’t make the same mistakes in your next story. :)

Length: Good job. You had double the minimum length, and surpassed the whole “aim for the middle” thing that so many graders try to stress. It is a good thing that you write and write until you get your point across…..that is a sign of a good writer: that you don’t stop just because you have enough.

Detail/Description: This was good for two Simple Pokemon as well.

You tell us about how a typical Nidoran should look (in the description of Star), but it was like you just blatantly stated the facts as though in a list. Some may argue that it is better to do it like this, but I feel that it is a bit obtrusive to the story as a whole to stop and tell about something, but hey, either way would be correct I think, so I am not scolding you on that.

For the most part, I could see pretty much everything: the Pokemon, the tunnels…. And there wasn’t much of a change in scenery, so there wasn’t much to comment on there.

The attacks’ descriptions were alright, but there is always room to improve. You want to show and tell EVERYTHING! Don’t just say that the Pokemon completed an attack and then be done with it. Tell us how it looked, what effect it had on the intended Pokemon, how it affected the surroundings, and if it had any impact on the user. I doubt that a Dig attack would leave the area looking just as it had before it had been initiated, so telling about the gaping hole it left would be beneficial to helping your reader visualize the scene.

Also, describing a character doesn’t stop at just their appearance. Facial expressions, voice tones, and body movements can be very substantial to giving us an in-depth look at the person, or in the case: Pokemon. I liked that you showed what an internal struggle Star was having after she had killed her first guard, so that was good, but remember the other factors as well.

Battle: Hmmmmmm….. Well I can’t say that it was entirely good or bad for that matter, but you were drawing it thin for two Simple Pokemon. While the battle itself (which could have been broken down into two or three sections, mind you) was only a single paragraph, I wasn’t that critical. You had many other battles within the story, and I feel that they sort of made up for the lacking fight at the end with the two trainers.

As stated above, it could have been longer, but also, it was entirely one-sided. I know that Weaville and Flygon are two incredibly powerful opponents, but the two Nidoran still would have landed more than just a single Rock Tomb attack. In your next story, (and this is directed at TE, for he wrote the battle, right?) I advise that you slow things down a bit, making the battle longer and giving both sides a chance to damage the other.

The attacks throughout the story were good for the most part…..I can’t say that anything was amazing, but the Crunch and Double Kick attacks were nicely done.

On a side note:

Haha, I also noticed that you incorporated the Nidoran’s ability: Rival, into the battle, which was good, for you don’t often find people doing that. Kurin stated it a bit too blatantly, and I felt that it could have been worked into the story a little more subtly, but I liked it nonetheless.

Outcome: Yay! I graded a paired-story! Overall, it was a unique story to read, and I didn’t have any issues other than the lack of character development and a slight deficiency of a good battle. Otherwise, I really liked it. Nidoran and Nidoran Captured. I take it that Cune will be receiving star, and TeamEvolution will be taking custody of Kurin, so I wish you the best of luck with the two new Pokemon. (I believe that TE still gets the Pokemon even though he is temporarily banned, and if he chooses not to return to PE2K and the URPG, the Nidoran will just stay in his expired stats.)

Emily
01-13-2008, 06:04 AM
Lol, trickly. My bad. XD

Thankies for Star. ^_^

Ketamine
01-17-2008, 06:45 AM
Thanks for the grade Bryce!

I'll take those notes in mind :happy:.