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Daniella Defines Divinity
04-10-2005, 11:57 AM
*It was a sunny wednesday afternoon and Daniella had parked her behind on the rocky beach just East of Vermillion city. There was a pleasant sea breeze that whipped around her making her hair dance infront of her face, much to her annoyance. It seemed that no matter how many clips or pins she put in her hair it always managed to escape and flutter about infront of her eyes or end up in her mouth when ever she opened it. Her Ponyta seemed to be enjoying it though, flicking her head to make her Mane glide gracefully behind her head as thugh she belonged in a shampoo advert. She neighed happily, speaking to her trainer that didn't understand a word she was saying*

Ponyta: "I like my mane, do you like my mane? The way it, like, flutters behind my head, and it's, like, red makes me, like, look so pretty and stuff. I bet I'm, like, the prettiest Ponyta ever! Like, don't you agree, that I'm just, like, totally awesome!"

*It was probably just good timing that Daniella patted Pontya on the head to make her look like she was actually paying attention, but the truth of the matter was that she was just too darn cute not to pet. Daniella handed her one of the cookies she had been munching on.*

Ponyta: "Like, wow. Chocolate chips is, like, soooo my favourite flavour"

???: "Cookie"

*Daniella almost choked on her cookie when she heard who she thought was Ponyta saying "cookie". She coughed hard and hit her chest trying to dislodge one of the chocoltae chips that had got caught in her throat before turning to Ponyta who was silently nibling on her Cookie*

???: "Cookie, Cookie, Cookie, Cookie!"

*She looked around her, puzzled as to who was after her cookies. Finally the bight idea to look behind her struck her and sh turned to find a red blob walking sideways amongst the pebbles waving a claw at her*

Krabby: "COOKIE!"

*It didn't seem too happy, but how was Daniella supposed to know that where she was sitting also happenned to be where it's den was? The whole she was covering had nothing to do with it obviously. Using her superior intelect she came to a conclusion*

Daniella: "Oh, you want a cookie? Here you go"

*She smiled politely and offered the Krabby a cookie who shuffled awkwardly forwards, a very difficult take for a krabby, to inspect what the human had offered him. Finally it accepted and carefully grasped it in it's claws and nibbled slowly*

Daniella: "Awww, it's so cute!"

*Without thinking she went to pat it on the head, to which the krappy replied by clamping onto her thumb and dropping it's cookie*

Krabby: "Cookie, cookie!"

*Daniella was now in tears*

Daniella: "OWIE! I gave you a cookie, why do you have to be so mean, you big meanie!"

*She pouted and waved her arm about franticly for several minutes before dislodging the crab.*

Daniella: "I'll show you! Ponyta go!"

Ponyta: "But like, it's all dirty and, like, ewwwww!"

*She trotted forward hesitantly, only strecthing out one hoof to avoid as much contact as possible with the crab and stomping down with her dainty hooves*

Ponyta: "If I get a scratch in my hoof I'm, like, soooo blaming you"

*The Krabby started to snap it's claws at her and marched forwards so it was now underneath the Ponyta that started thrashing about madly, stomping all 4 hooves on the ground*

Ponyta: "Eww, eww, ewww, ewwwwwww! Get awaygetawaygetaway!"

*Luckily for her, her hooves were ten times harder than diamond and did quite a bit of significtant dmage. The krabby had managed to latch onto one of her hind legs however, but as Ponyta kicked madly to get it off, it was spun around and became dizzy until it finally let go and was kicked several feet away.*

Ponyta: "Like, die you stupid crab!"

*She dashed towards it, using her agillity and began to stomp at a more ferocious rate ontop of the still dizzy krabby*

Ponyta: "Die, die, DIE!"

*All the krabby could do was cover itself with it's claws as it culdn't seem to find a break from all the pounding to make it's own attack. Daniella couldn't help but feel sorry for the cute little thing and threw a pokeball at it hoping to catch it. The red light sucked it in and it shook violently. Ponyta continued stomping for a while before finall realising. She was panting heavily*

Ponyta: "NEVER make me do that again!"

Focal
04-10-2005, 12:59 PM
Story: Huh? There's supposed to be a story in this? Sorry Dani, but it has no plot whatsoever, it's just a simple find and catch story.

Grammar: Well, i didn't see too much, just a few typos here and there.

Details: Very little. Almost nothing to be perfectly honest with you. It needs much more than this... But the Ponyta was pretty funny though ^^

Battle: Way too short. You find a Krabby, it pinches you and Ponyta just stomps it half to death? You will need to add more than this, a couple more paragraphs more like.

OUTCOME: Krabby not captured!

Tips: Add more. Lengthen it by a couple of paragraphs, add a plot, not just he wants a cookie, he pinches you attack and throw a Pokéball, all in 1 or two paragraphs. This will really need some improving.

Daniella Defines Divinity
04-10-2005, 02:03 PM
A/N: Bahumbug, still think thats overly strict for a first story but hey oh well. It's not meant to have a plot, it's supoosed to be in the style of a sketch ¬¬

Daniella: "Yay I caught a pokemon!"

*Daniella skipped over happily to collect her prize, and in her jubilation released it straight away. The red light materialised and the wait was agonising. Finally it was revealed.*

Daniella: ".... .... A pebble?!"

*Daniella was incredibly confused, and scratched her head as she tried to put 2 and 2 together, something that was quite difficult for her.*

Ponyta: "Well that sucks, like, all that work for nothing! Major bummer."

*Daniella was still pondering over what had happenned, running through possible scenarios in her head. Either Ponyta had crushed it into nothing but dust, or aliens had abducted it while she wasn't looking. The second option seemed the most likely. Unknown to her the Cookie monster had crawled down another entrance to it's den and had popped up again where she had once been sitting, and was currently eating her precious cookies. After 5 minutes, or 2 cookies by cookie eating time standard measurement, Daniella had finally given up on finding the krabby and returned to her belongings.*

Ponyta: "Don't worry, we'll so, like, get it next time."

*It took a while for Daniella to process the information as her eyes lay on the krabby*

Daniella: ".... Cool! Another Krabby! Yay a second chance!"

*The slightly retarded Krabby started foaming bubbles at the mouth so as soon as Ponyta went to stomp it, it recoiled in pain.*

Ponyta: "Owie!"

*As the Ponyta nursed it's boo-boo and the Krabby continued foaming, Daniella started to think of a plan*

Daniella: "Use fire spin and trap it until his bubbles turn to steam!"

*Daniella could be smart when she put her mind to it... HA! As if! Ponyta complied, by taking a deep breath and exhaling to form a fire tornado of sorts that blackened the pebbles, and started to pop Krabby's bubbles. It took quite a bit of effort for her to increas the temperature enough to get them all popping. The krabby cookied in pain*

Krabby: "Cooooookie!"

*In retaliation it let out a proper set of bubbles to try and extinguish the flames. The bubbles hit the flames full force, and started to put it out but turned to steam n the process. Ponyta couldn't keep up with the attack much longer so stopped, leaving krabby with a coloumn of steam, his own private sauna. It scuttled out of the coloumn, rather redded than usual and quite tasty looking to Daniella. Once more it flailed it's claw about with a crab hammer attack, Ponyta dancing above it to try and avoid it's crazed swings at her ankles*

Daniella: "Ponyta, sit!"

*It wasn't an attack but for some reason Ponyta did it, she didn't even know why she did it but she knew she had a craving for a dog biscuit. Ponyta's bum landed squarely ontop of Krabby whose legs contined to do a mexican wave in order to get rid of the weight but to little avail as it's claws were also pinned down*

Daniella: "Good girl"

*She patted Ponyta and gave her a cookie who tried to bark, but failed. After a minute or two, she started to get uncomforatable so stood up and turned around to see the frazzled krabby.*

Ponyta: "You could so, like, use a facial or, like, a skin peel or something."

*Daniella coincidently nodded at the same time, and threw a pokeball, making sure it hit her target this time. She waited anxiously as it shook once more*

A/N: Good enough now? ¬_¬

Focal
04-10-2005, 03:36 PM
Story: okay, to my understanding there is not supposed to be a plot here.

Grammar: Usual typos...

Details: They were okay, nothng perfect

Battle: Too quick, at least it's longer. A bit too short for my taste, ubt hey, not everyone's perfect :wink:

OUTCOME: Krabby captured! I'll leave it for now, since it's your first story.

Tips: Next story, please add a plot and more battle.

Daniella Defines Divinity
04-10-2005, 03:40 PM
FINALLY!

*huggles her retarded Krabby*

LunaFlame
04-10-2005, 03:52 PM
This is a little weird... :oops:

Marth
04-13-2005, 01:43 AM
It's not weird. If you read the rules, you will notice this is perfectly understandable. But, you haven't cared to read them. If you keep posting where you shouldn't, you will get banned from the URPG, and then from PE2K. And don't reply here, we have an URPG Related Chat in the General section of the URPG.
Marth.
(Btw: Congrats Danny!)

Tamer San
04-13-2005, 10:36 AM
Story: okay, to my understanding there is not supposed to be a plot here.

Grammar: Usual typos...

Details: They were okay, nothng perfect

Battle: Too quick, at least it's longer. A bit too short for my taste, ubt hey, not everyone's perfect :wink:

OUTCOME: Krabby captured! I'll leave it for now, since it's your first story.

Tips: Next story, please add a plot and more battle.

It isn't her first story...she was an old URPGer, and a grader too ._.

anyway, congrats Dani ^^ and back off LunaFlame >_>

Daniella Defines Divinity
04-13-2005, 04:46 PM
It isn't her first story...she was an old URPGer, and a grader too ._.

anyway, congrats Dani ^^ and back off LunaFlame >_>

Yes it is, well for this time around it is XP I lost all my old stuff, so started again. So technically it is my first catch story XP