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Finglonger
04-11-2005, 05:26 AM
Yeah, Ive been here a while, yet this is my first story. I've never been much of a story writer, but here goes nothing
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It was dusk in the little town of Pallet and the sky was alive, bursting with the beauty of the harvest moon. The stars had begun to come out, playing games of hide and go seek as they twinkled in and out of sight. A young man of seventeen years gazed up at them, his sandy colored hair laid out on the grass as he watched the interlude of stars play out against the black sky. And as he stared up he pondered to himself.

"There certainly are a lot of stars out tonight" he thought. "And for each star there certainly must be one person, at least. And for each person there's a veritable bevy of thoughts, and hopes, and dreams, and problems, and joy , and sadness. And all these emotions are swirling about in this cosmic comedy, bundled up in these neat little spheres so that everyone else can go on with their lives. But that doesn't change the fact that they are there." And laying there he realized how insignificant he must be in the grand scheme of things. " I want to be in the thick of things" he said to himself, "I want to be out there dictating, I want to be known, I want to stick out like Orion's belt or the big dipper or something. I can't do that here in Pallet."
It was then that he decided that in order for himself to be known he would have to leave his sleepy old town for good, he would have to venture forth. Oh sure he had left town before, but this time, he decided, it would have to be for good.

After an hour or so of continuous pondering, of which we will not go deeply into(hey a guy needs his privacy, no?), the young man, Kevin, got to his feet. He briefly surveyed his surroundings and after deciding which way his home was headed off. About half way through his arduous journey his foot found a small furry object, gravity did the rest of the work and sent him face first into the ground. "Ow" he thought, as he reluctantly lifted himself off the ground.

"What was that??" the disoriented young man thought. In the dim light he could scarcely see what might have caused him to take such a tumble, and he probably would have been on his merry way had he not been knocked to the ground again. This time it was not an accident."ugh" he thought, "what the devil was that?" As he regained his senses once again, he looked up to see an angry ball of fur knock him in the face. He went out cold.

He awoke a few hours later, a bright light shone in his eyes and as he steadily regained consciousness he recognized the face of his girlfriend, Katja. She was a young girl of seventeen years, her black curly hair contrasted with her pale white skin, she was the model of beauty, and Kevin would have liked to stare into her azure eyes for hours. But now was not the time, his head was pounding as if someone had taken a jackhammer to it, and his arms and legs felt numb. "Holy crap" were the first words he could verbalize, "what the hell happened?"

"Shhh" Katja said putting her fingers to her rosy lips. "You're hurt, you shouldn't be talking."

"Ughh, I feel fine, good enough to get up and head on home" he said. " Now if you'll kindly step aside..." and with that our valiant hero once again fell to the ground, unconscious.

Now if you ask me, which I think you should because I'm the narrator, and I dictate just about everything that you see and everything that you perceive, that Kevin is a damn fool. Leaving behind such a nice girl. I mean she does everything for him. A good girlfriend is hard to find nowadays, most of the time they just cheat on you. And what is he leaving for anyway? Some meaning of life pipe dream, sheesh, that boy needs to get a wake up call. Anyways, as the narrator I suppose its my job to lead this story forward and not waste your time with my musings, so lets check in on things, shall we?

Finglonger
04-11-2005, 05:26 AM
Kevin awoke a few hours later. The yellow haze of the sun filtering through the windows in his own familiar bedroom, seemed like a vivid illusion. How did he get here? What had happened? His head still hurt, but he managed to get himself up anyway. He stumbled down the stairs, following the smell of freshly cooked pancakes. His mother, a plump woman of fifty years was downstairs flipping flap jacks with the intensity and focus of a professional chess player. "Egads" Kevin thought to himself, "she flips a mean pancake."

Even I, the narrator, must comment on her incredible skill with a spatula, anyhow lets continue.

"oh you're awake" his mother said, not bothering to look up from her pancakes(I told you shes intense). " You had us all awfully worried, you're lucky to have such a good girlfriend, I daresay you would have caught your death of cold."

"yeah I know ma" he replied, "by the way, what did happen to me out there?"

"Oh" she said "well Kat said something about a Teddiursa, apparently you tripped over it...and well it beat the living you know what out of you. What were you doing out so late anyway?"

"Uh well, I was just thinking. I was thinking I might leave this town, and make a name for myself. I feel so trapped here. I just want to get out and see the world." He replied

"Well if thats the way you feel, but you have to break it to Katja, I wont be telling her none of that nonsense. and eat your flap jacks before they get cold. There's nothing worse than a cold flapjack."

"Thanks ma", he replied, "I'll be leaving as soon as I get ready, I don't know if I'll ever be back."

"well, you be careful" she said, "and make me proud, will ya?"

"sure" he replied making quick work of the flap jacks. He headed up to his room and hastily packed a knapsack, put his three poke balls in his belt, and ran a comb through his brown unkempt hair, trying to make it as tidy as possible. He knew what he had to do, and it wasn't going to be easy. He had to tell his girlfriend that he was leaving and he probably wasn't coming back. He headed out the door, ready for action when he saw what appeared to be a furry brown ball running towards him. " So we meet again" he thought. Deciding to make quick work of this small brown bear which had so besmirched him just a day earlier, he pulled out a red poke ball. "Get 'em Donphan!" he shouted.

Donphan emerged from its tiny red prison, primed and ready for battle. It let out a cry that shook the ground, sending what appeared to be waves of fear through the small Teddiursa.

"Earthquake, Donphan" The young man shouted, only to find that the bear had disappeared. "Huh?" he thought, "where could it have gone?"

Meanwhile, Donphan was rooting around the ground, trying to sniff out exactly where the small puff of fur could have wandered off to. All of a sudden the Teddiursa appeared behind Donphan, knocking it over its own trunk.

"Faint attack, I should have known" Kevin said furrowing his brow. "Donphan, get up!" he cried, only to watch the little nuisance scampering away. "Grrr, well I'll take care of that later, I have more pressing matters to attend to. " He went over to his defeated Donphan, and scooped it up once again into its red sanctuary.

Now allow me, the narrator, to interject one last time. I promise, this is the last time. But in case you couldn't tell our young hero is in a bad way. Not only has he had his dignity and his honor taken out from under him by that accursed Teddisura, but now he has to go tell his girlfriend that he's leaving, possibly forever. There's nothing worse than a mad woman, a mad woman will do anything, and I mean anything. He should be so lucky, anyways lets look back into the story. You didn't miss much...

Kevin had begun his long journey down the dirt road connecting his and Katja's house, he had been running the scenario in his head over and over again, yet he still had no idea what he was going to say to her. By the time he got to her doorstep, he was still at a loss for words. He knocked on the cherry red door three times, and waited only a few moments before he saw her beaming face at the door.

"Oh its you," she said enthusiastically, "come on in" She unfastened the chain on the door and welcomed him in.

"Listen, Kat...." he started.

"Have a seat," she interrupted, "I have some tea going, I thought you might stop by."

"Thats great, " he said, "but I have something important to tell you.."

"Oh, well it can wait until the teas ready, can it not?"

With that she brought two small delicate cups of tea to the small table in which she seated him at. He couldn't help but stare into the tiny vessel, and although it abhorred him, he felt transfixed on the swirling liquid. He looked into the tiny cup, the bubbling was driving him insane. Pop! Pop! He couldn't look away. The fumes were driving him mad and as his stomach churned, the infernal vortex just kept on going. Spinning, twirling, popping. Driving him mad, until he just stood up and said his peace. He divulged that he was leaving, and why, and how he may never come back; but oh he loved her; and he would miss her, and he hoped he could write her, and she would write him, but he had to, he didn't want to, but oh he did want to, it was driving him crazy. He said all of this and then he sat back down.

"Oh," she said, "well in that case I'd better get packing, did you really think I would let you just leave me like that?"

Finglonger
04-11-2005, 05:26 AM
"Thats great!" Kevin shouted. In that instant all his fears, all his anxious feelings dissipated and he felt at peace. While Kat eagerly packed he simply sat back and drank his tea. "It really is good tea," he thought to himself.

Well, I know I said I wouldn't interrupt again, but well here I am; promises are easily broken. I just had to say that is so beautiful, I'm glad to see that those two are on their way..together. Oh speaking of on their way, they've just left, lets catch up to those crazy kids...

They had been walking for some time, down the beaten dusty path towards viridian city where they would begin a new. It was just about that time when that horrid little puffball came back. The damn thing just wont quit huh? He saw it coming from a mile away, and this time Kevin was not going to be embarrassed, not this time.

He was ready for it, "Go Donphan!" he cried as the small bear approached the path and settled on to it, determined it seemed to waylay his journey.

Donphan came rolling out of its poke ball, rearing up, it seemed ready for revenge.

"Hmm, don't let it get away this time Donphan, use your odor sleuth."

Just as he had expected the bear disappeared, getting ready for a faint attack. However this time Donphan was ready, having sniffed it out he sent shock waves through the ground, earth quaking at his masters behest. The small bear fell to the ground, momentarily stunned.

"Good Donphan, now use your take down and finish it off!"

Donphan leapt towards the earth bound Teddiursa, only to find that it had snapped out of its momentary lapse and had itself taking to the air, slashing furiously at the slow moving elephant. Donphan fell back in surprise, hurt but far from finished.

"Grrr", Kevin muttered to himself, "Alright Donphan use your rollout!"

Donphan reared up and rolled itself into a massive ball of flesh, and Earth (or whatever Donphans consist of). It quickly picked up speed and entrapped the helpless Teddiursa in an enclosed circle, ever constricting it, making feeble its attempt to gnash its claws and teeth at the imposing boulder. Finally Donphan smacked the little ball of fluff sending it to the ground.

"Finally," Kevin said, "I got him." With that he threw a small red poke ball, enveloping the helpless bear in a stream of red light. The Teddiursa disappeared into the ball, it wiggled once, twice, thrice.....

Will our hero capture that little menace? Or will the Bear emerge again to besmirch him once more, and ruin his chances with the beautiful Katja? Only time can tell.....

Finglonger
04-16-2005, 08:06 PM
well, I know how busy all the graders must be. But this has been here for about a week, and I was wondering if I could get it graded really quick. I dont mean to be an annoyance, but yeah I would really appreciate it if someone would take a look at this. thanks

Tamer San
04-17-2005, 09:05 AM
Sorry for delay Fingy-boy ^^

Story- Well, I liked it, not too bad, but it ain't perfect either. You could have lengthened it a little bit by adding much details.

Grammer/Spelling- You don't have a problem in this section...

Reality- Yep, it can happen, and I guess a Donphan can OHKO a Teddy in real Pokemon or even beat the crap outta him XD

Battle- Well, though Donphan can beat Teddy in a blink, it could have been a little bit longer, you can edit your post adding 1 or two more paragraphs of battle or something.

OUTCOME- Teddy not captured, as i said in "Battle" section...^^

Finglonger
04-17-2005, 09:55 PM
ok, just add this on to my last paragraph. Hopefully this is sufficent...
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Suddenly in a burst of red light, the small bear emerged from the pokeball seemingly unscathed.

"what the deus?!" Kevin screamed. "I thought I had it." "grr, no matter," he said aloud, " Donphan use your double edge attack and bring that bear down."

Donphan reared up and lunged at the tiny animal. His trunk flailing about, his massive body flew through the air, right over the tiny bear, and into the ground. Donphan had knocked himself asunder.

"get up Donphan!, get up..." Kevin called out futilely. Donphan was out cold. "Christ..." Kevin thought. "I'm really looking bad here..." He looked over at his girlfriend who was busy chatting away with a muscular Biker. "ughhh.., well looks like I don't have to make a big show out of this anyways" He reached into his belt, producing a small red pokeball. "Return Donphan, and go Venusaur. "

Venusaur emerged from its pokeball, the massive plant demon dwarfed the tiny bear who, realizing it was outmatched began to flee.

"Venusaur, bring that Teddiursa back with your vine whip." Kevin cried out.

Two large vines emerged from the massive plant and scooped up the tiny deserter, bringing him back into the field of battle. Upon his master's behest small spores began to emerge from Venusaur's massive flower, knocking Teddiursa out cold.

"Now that he's asleep, this should be a walk in the park, I hope Katja's watching." Unfortunately she was too infatuated by the Bikers rippling biceps to take any note of the battle.....eh looks like things aren't looking to good for our hero, eh? " Blast it," Kevin thought, "well at least I'll get a Teddiursa out of the deal." He took a small red pokeball out of his pack and prepared to throw it, when all of a sudden a deafening noise came from the sleeping pokemon.

The Teddiursa had begun to snore, knocking Venusaur back in surprise.

"How can such a small creature make such a huge sound?!?" Kevin thought to himself. "No matter," he yelled, "Venusaur, use your razor leaf, lets just knock the damn thing out!"

A barrage of razor sharp leaves emerged from the back of the massive beast, and hurled themselves at the sleeping bear, only to be blown onto the ground, by the sheer force of the tiny creatures snoring.

"Hmm, this might be a little trickier than I thought." Kevin thought out loud. "Okay Venusaur, use your solar beam, that ought to take it out. "

Venusaur began to absorb the sunlight, taking in its nutrients and preparing to blast the sleeping cub to hell. At that moment, Teddiursa awoke from its slumber and threw himself at Venusaur, his claws ready to slice the plant in half.

Venusaur erupted in a gigantic flash of light, unleashing his pent up energy on the hapless bear, who feel to the ground, helpless.

"well," Kevin remarked, "that should be quite enough." He reached into his pack and removed yet another pokeball, launching it at his helpless quarry. The ball, immersed in a grandiose display of red light, sucked the pokemon in.

It wiggled once, twice, thrice....

Tamer San
04-18-2005, 08:26 AM
Much better this way =D

OUTCOME- Teddy captured...enjoy it ^^