View Full Version : Finding Abyss [Story Deal]

Phantom Kat
01-02-2008, 06:26 PM
Ready to grade, pleasies. =3

This is...not my best story. =/ For some reason, I dislike what I did with it. Maybe it's because I haven't really written this kind of story before but hey, overall, I think I did pretty well despite my lack of enthusiasm. xP

Oh, and so sorry this took so long, TE, yeah, read above for my excuse.


Finding Abyss

Part 1: Unsettling

Laura Wolf hated the Garden at Sundown, an English painting dating back all the way to the 19th century, with a passion. The colors seemed to mock her, teaser her with promises that seemed to give her false hope in her time of need. The painted garden with its lavishly colored roses and tulips brought joy to any child that had the misfortune of seeing it for a long period of time, in other words, to the kids that came to live in Mother Zelda’s Orphanage.

For the first few months, the blonde girl had liked the oil painting with its neat strokes in some places and rushed in other spots. She would spend countless hours imagining she was the girl in the painting who lovingly watered the garden with a china blue sun hat titled over her curls. Every time she passed, she brushed a hand on the gold covered frame whose intricate design made her head spin.

However, after being disowned by four foster families in the year and a half she lost her family, the bright image grew to be the bane of her existence. Sitting on the wooden chair outside the main office always meant being picked up by a new family. Unluckily for the fourteen year old, the painting she despised was situated right in her line of vision.

Squirming in the worn chair whose splinters threatened to puncture her gloved hand, she averted her amber eyes from the painting and to the Squirtle keychain that she fingered from where it hung on her belt loop. The only bright shade in the sea of purple and black that was her wardrobe, the faded figurine was something that always offered a distraction from the real world. Some called her childish for carrying something that reminded her of her family while others pitied her, thinking that she had some faint hope that her old life would one day return, but in all honest truth, she believed neither.

The simple keychain was more of a memento of herself rather than the ones she lost in that long ago fire. Unhooking it, she began to twirl it with a fabric covered index finger, blue and brown merging the faster she spun. The first and only prize she had gotten in a fair, wasn’t that something that should be treasured? Granted it was in a simple carnival game of darts and she had gotten help from her older sister, but it was still something she had won. Didn’t that mean she could possible accomplish something more?

The door beside her opened and Laura turned, quickly hooking the Squirtle back on the loop of her tight fitting jeans. A tall woman, probably six feet judging from how close her ponytail came to brushing the top of the doorway, walked out, her high heels clicking on the freshly waxed floor. Her jet black bangs, perfectly shined and smooth as the floor she walked on, bobbed up and down as she came out with a stout middle aged man. The man’s rough leather coat was being buttoned with one hand while the other was casually waved as he talked. Once or twice, he scratched the auburn beard on his face or his balding scalp.

Turning back to her lap, Laura made a face of slight disgust, playing with the braid that reached to her mid section.

So this is the uncle they supposedly found after he came back from a year long trip around the world. she dully thought, the adults’ chatter being filtered by her own contemplation. With that belly of his, it looks as thought he never took five steps from his couch.

Though the dark eyed man wasn’t obese, the girl was a health nut to the bone and could not help but look down at anybody whose weight wasn’t in the proper range.

Mrs. Zelda had apparently finished talking with the man for the uncle had his hand outstretched for Laura to shake. Awkwardly, her pale hand grasped his chubby brown.

“Alexander Wolf,” he greeted, carrying an accent that the teen couldn’t fully decipher. Johto, perhaps? “Nice to meet you, Laura.”

Knowing he already knew who she was, Laura kept silent, not too keen on speaking after having her hand nearly shaken out of its socket. Alexander straightened and wiped off some dust from his coat.

“Well we should get going, wife should be setting up dinner any minute and she hates if I’m not there right as she’s getting the roast from the oven.”

Letting out a chortle that shook his entire body, he walked towards the double doors that stood before the half woven, entrance mat. Hearing his footsteps echo in the lobby of the orphanage, Laura stood from her seat but was stopped by a ringed hand on her small shoulder. She found Mrs. Zelda looking down at her behind half moon spectacles; her almond shaped eyes held traces of worry and pity. Laura mentally frowned; she had experienced that hidden look more times than she would have liked to.

“Laura, I just wanted to let you know that you’re always welcomed here.” she began, tucking a loose strand of golden hair from Laura’s face with a slender finger. “You’re like a daughter to me and I only want you to be happy.”

In her mind, the Kanto raised girl knew the older woman meant well, that the strong grip on her shoulder was one of kindness. However, the irritation that took over her like a tidal wave crashing onto the beach’s shore momentarily clouded her senses. She’s been in the same scene more times than most orphans and every time she went through the same, heartfelt speech, a part of her didn’t listen anymore. It seemed that the hope she had accumulated throughout the time period of being an orphan was slowly being chipped off like an icicle that formed on an annual hail storm. The thrill of getting out the two story orphanage was nonexistent. It was now only when she would see the red shingled roof again.

“I gotta go and help Uncle Alexander with the suitcases.” Laura muttered, slithering out from the hug that had morphed from the grab. In truth, all her belongings were already neatly packed away but she only wanted to get out of the awkward moment. “Goodbye, Mrs. Zelda.”

The lanky woman warmly smiled at the retreating teen, smoothing out her silk embodied skirt before waving back.

Laura let a sad smile cross her face, stepping out into the cool Celadon air that flew that calm night. They would see each other again, most likely. They always met up again, her and that painting.


“So, you’re a Pokemon Trainer, huh?”

Startled from her spot of counting how many stars they passed, Laura looked at the rear view mirror with her own questioning expression. She saw bushy brows go up again as Alexander got ready for another question, this time allowing a pudgy finger to point to her waist.

“You know, a trainer? You have a Poke Ball.”

Looking down to where he pointed, she saw the Dusk Ball that hung off her belt, blending in to the onyx and violet attire she usually wore. Smiling a little, Laura shook her head.

“Nah, Briar, my Bulbasaur, is a Pokemon my dad gave me for my tenth birthday. He knew I didn’t want to be trainer, just wanted a Pokemon I could call my own.”

Alexander smiled as he drove on. Laura settled back to gaze out at once again until she head the man speak again, this time with a tone she had heard numerous times before.

“You know, I didn’t know my brother and his family died or else I would have been there in a heartbeat.” he told her, his moustache seeming to droop. “They said they could never get a hold on me since I was always jumping from place to place and I never carry a cell phone, I’ll lose it anyway with everywhere I go. But, I’m here now and though I’m not as early as I wanted to, I’ll make sure you feel at home.”

The pale female didn’t have the heart to tell him that all the foster families she has been in had told her something along the lines of that. Instead, she nodded and showed a toothy smile. Apparently satisfied, Alexander turned his attention to his driving, announcing that they would arrive home in an hour or two.

Flicking locks of hair from her face, Laura gazed out the roll down window. The buildings flashed past her in a blur of dull of colors and people’s voices floated and merged into one, incoherent babble. Her eyes wandered to the silk smooth sky overhead, a cloud or two hindering the perfect stars that twinkled in the backdrop. Lazily, Laura laid her head on her arm that was covered by her dark colored sleeve, tilting her head slightly so she could still glance at the gaseous orbs in the sky. The roaring of the car as it pounded the street was drowned out the calmer she became. None of it mattered; all of it was insignificant. It became unimportant a long time ago.


With a jolt of the small car, Laura awoke, hitting her head on the side of the car door from where she fell. Cursing, she rubbed her bruised, button nose and looked towards the front seat. There was a large indent in the cheap leather where her uncle had sat and the creaking of gears behind her told her where he had gone. Sitting up, she flinched, her muscles ached as they protesting again and again that the position she had slept in was not adequate for them.

“Great, now I feel loads better,” was her sarcastic remark, opening the door and leaping outside. The air immediately twirled around her but she was simply too tired and sluggish to enjoy the pleasant breeze.

She walked to the back of the car where her rough going family member was already lugging suitcases under each arm to carry to the house. Without saying a word, she got the last of the three suitcases and walked towards the main entrance. The two story brick house was nothing special to whomever passed by. A metal fence that was beginning to droop with every storm that passed by and the windows, with their opaque shutters opened to welcome the sun, simply allowed a view of a normal Kanto household. Stepping back, she caught sight of a rectangular silhouette but with the minimal light cast by the streetlamps, she wasn’t sure if she saw the outline of a door or simply the shape of bricks overlapping each other.

“Come on, Laura, the food’s going to get cold,” her uncle told her, hobbling past her with her belongings. Sighing, she followed him into the home but not before glancing back at the roof. It seemed the artificial light was playing with her for she saw no moving shadow like she thought she did.

The moment she stepped into the house, the vest wearing Laura was immediately awake and alert. The strong odor that drifted from the room beyond the vast living room was almost intoxicatingly sweet. From the kitchen floated a strong cinnamon scent that plucked at her nose like electric sparks to a body of water. She wrinkled her nose and even her toes deep within her black shoes tickled. Beside her, the balding man gave a deep inhale and exhaled with a dreamy sigh.

“Your Aunt Melissa bakes the most magnificent cinnamon bread in this side of the region!” he exclaimed, putting down her two worn suitcases next to the sofa that was situated in the middle of the living room.

Doing the same, Laura wondered how in Mew’s name the balding man could stand the strong odor that wafted towards them. Upon entering the kitchen that shined with each glossy surface, they were ordered to sit down by a plump woman whose smile was just as luminescent as the room around her. A little hesitantly, Laura pulled up an oak chair and sat down across Alaxander, gazing at the food that was laid before her.

“I finally get to meet you, Laura,” Melissa Wolf gushed as the girl twirled her sauce doused spaghetti on her fork. Her jet black hair, pulled into a messy bun so that strands escaped like newborn snakes, sported particles of flour and cinnamon while her face held a white, ghostly look from the flour that lined the skin. Despite her messy and slightly scary appearance, she held a grin as she brought her home bake cinnamon bread on a silver coated platter. “Alex told me you would arrive today and so I baked my cinnamon bread.” With a chuckle, she looked down at herself as she set the platter on the table. “Although somehow I find most of it hanging off me.” Sharing a laugh with her spouse, she saw beside Alexander and began to serve herself.

Shrugging at her aunt’s acts, she swallowed a mouthful of the Italian cuisine and looked back up. To her discomfort, she found that both adults were staring intently at her, their eating utensils abandoned at their sides. The thin teen opened her mouth to talk, to deter the attention to something else, but her aunt was quicker to speak.

“Laura, your uncle and I were talking and we wanted to know what you planned to have as your career.”

Laura blinked a couple of times in order to fully understand the question that was hurled at her. After a few moments, she answered, unsure of herself, “Well, I don’t really know. I once thought of becoming a writer but then I wanted to be a doctor…”

Her trailing ended by another forkful of pasta, the tomato sauced speckled with spices that blemished her white cheeks. Talking was never her strong suit and to top it off, talking to people she had only met once or twice in her life was a valid reason to blabber and ramble.

Melissa began to slice a piece of cinnamon bread, sharing a look with Alexander before speaking again.

“Well, Laura, we were thinking of this private school on the far side of Johto. It’s specially meant for young girls to help them follow a career path that will benefit them later in life.” Another gaze was shared with her spouse. “We think that your parents would want you to go there, it will certainly give you a lot more choices to choose from than the schools around here.”

Laura stared dumbly at the beige spaghetti strands that were, oddly enough, the same hue as the painting she loathed back in the orphanage. She had been at their household for less then an hour and they were already suggesting she went somewhere else. Though getting rid of her wasn’t the case, it certainly felt like that, at the moment. She shifted her eyes back at the emerald eyed woman and the dark eyed man. Were they aware that they just thrust a very important decision to a girl who wasn’t even settled in her new home?

As though her thoughts were read, Alexander seemed to jump in his seat to explain further. “Of course, you don’t have to decide right now. We’re telling you right now so that you have plenty of time to decide.”

Laura mentally shook her head; she wasn’t feeling like pondering over something as huge as moving to a region she barely even knew. To avoid any other sudden, pop-up topics, she scooted back and groped around her belt for the sole Poke Ball that hung from it. This time, her actions were faster than Melissa’s words. Her hand grasped the dark Poke Ball and with one click of the silver button adjacent to her index finger, the light jumped from its place to form a creature on the floor.

Melissa jumped from where she sat so quickly her chair clattered to the floor. She uttered a small yelp and backed away from the Bulbasaur who now looked around in confusion.

“Please get it away from me,” she told Laura, looking at Grass type warily as though Briar would come charging at her. “I absolutely loathe reptiles.”

Frowning, Laura stoop to pet her Bulbasaur who greeted her with a happy, “Bulba!”.

“I’m going to feed him,” the emphasis on the last word was subtle yet it wasn’t missed. “I don’t have an appetite.”

Muttering a thanks, she straightened and walked to the living room. Picking up the lightest of her suitcases, she sat down and opened it on her lap. Beside the two pairs of pajamas that were neatly folded upon one another, there was a box labeled “Pokemon Pellets: Grass”. Grabbing the porcelain food bowl from beside the orange and emerald box, she poured some of the food into it before setting it down on the rug that spammed nearly the whole area of the living room. As Briar ate, Laura petted the green bulb that protruded from his back and the his skin that was speckled with yellow-green splotches.

For now, it was comforting to take part in something in where she did not have to think of her future.

Phantom Kat
01-02-2008, 07:40 PM
Part 2: Unaccompanied

Her eyes fluttered open, the room’s ceiling meeting her gaze. As though she was in a trance, she slowly sat up and looked around her, running her gloveless fingers over the bed’s light red covers.

The small room held only the necessities: a wardrobe that would soon to be filled with her clothes, a bed in which she laid, and a desk that occupied the wall on her right. Turning her head slightly, she saw Briar’s sleeping form in the small window alcove, his stumpy ears and the leaves on his bulb twitching with every snore that was released.

At ease, Laura scooted to lean against her propped pillow. Massaging her head, her locks of hair now cascading down her back in ripples, she bit her lip as a tingle of pain swam through her skull. Did something hit her, sending waves of pain through her head until it woke her up? The idea was dismissed when she found nothing lying on her bed.

Thinking back, however, her dream was not interrupted by an eruption of pain. The fantasies that always plagued when she slept were accompanied by a tickling, prickling sensation deep in her mind. An urging, a sensation that she couldn’t shake off.

As she relived one of her childhood dreams, there it was. As she stared at the trainer on the opposite side of the stadium, a shadow was seen from the corner of her eye. The second she held her Poke Ball close to her chest, ready release the well trained Pokemon inside, her mind came to life as it “heard” faint calls. No matter how much she looked at the faceless spectators in their stands, she could not pin point where the strange feeling had come from. Had she imagined it? Was it simply something that her mind generated?

With a groan, the blonde found her cranium was hurting more than when she he had woken up.

It’s probably from trying to figure out what it was that made it hurt more. she snapped at herself.

She slid from her bed, kicking the covers off her with her bare feet, and landed on the rug that was the only thing on the wooden floor. The audible thump made Briar stir from where he slept until he looked up with half closed eyes.

“Bulbasaur?” Briar mumbled, tilting his head and trying to see through the gloom that covered his trainer.

“I’m only going to get something to stop the headache that’s forming,” she responded, already slipping her feet to the onyx slippers at the foot of her bed. After considering it, she put on her sweater over her lilac pajama top. “It’s only going to take a while.”

Despite the reason he was given, the Kanto starter still jumped off from his sleeping spot and trotted to her side with his four stumpy legs. Laura smiled and shuffled quietly through the opened door, happy that her Pokemon cared so much about her well being. Quietly closing the door behind them, she tried to remember where she was told the bathroom was.

For a moment, she blindly searched the walls for a light switch, bumping her hand along picture frames that were hung around them, but thought better of it. If her aunt and uncle were still awake, the last thing she wanted was being questioned on what she was doing.

“I’m merely going to drug myself.” Laura quirked under her breath, feeling the ground beneath her with a foot, careful not to trip over any hidden objects. However, Briar had that job covered as he used his vines to feel around like a blind man’s cane.

As her eyes saw the faint outline of the hall that separated itself from the main corridor, her pupils caught another thing; this one stood out sorely from the darkness that surrounded them. A sliver of topaz light slithered from one of the three doors that they passed and she stopped when she heard voices floating from inside. Briar looked up with a quizzical expression when the teen stopped walking and inched her frame closer to the door.

“…the dark clothes unnerve me, Alex, a young girl like her should not be wearing such a depressing attire.”

The long haired female scrunched her nose at the comment, brows crinkled. She wasn’t Goth if that was what her aunt was implying. Black and purple were merely her favorite colors; they had that feeling of mystery and cunning intelligence whenever they were combined. Other colors such as cyan or pink simply did not generate the same aurora.

“Oh, Melissa,” Alex told her, sounding exasperated. A rusting of cloth could be heard followed by a creaking of aged metal springs: an unmistakable sign that he was getting ready to retire for the night. “She’s fourteen, teens go through phases. One day is dark clothing the next it’s piercings.”

Another audible sound of sheets and springs being disturbed.

“Some teens choose both,” was her sour remark. “And I never liked reptiles for pets. Didn’t you hear about that John kid and his Arbok? That bite was not from a Cleffa.”

Briar let out a low growl, his twin vines twitching irritably in the air. Laura shushed him, hoping the offended response was not heard. She stood, silent and slightly bent from where she leaned her head towards the door.

“Well, that private school will certainly help her.” To the lanky Laura, it sounded as though she had no choice in the matter despite Alexander’s earlier words. At the moment, the overweight woman on the other side did not bode well with her. Exactly why did she need help, again?

Alexander did not answer back and the niece concluded the discussion over. With a few mutters of good night, the bed creaked again and the lights went off. Silence stretched until Laura was sure that both owners of the house were sound asleep. Stepping back, she ran her fingers through her hair. The Bulbasaur beside her looked up in concern, still bristling over the insult.

“Come on,” she said at last, turning her head and walking over to where the corridor branched out.

The duo didn’t turn on any lights until they entered the small bathroom. The light above illuminated their cramped surroundings and Laura made her way cautiously towards the sink. Grasping the cold, porcelain edge, she peered into the mirror that was the medicine cabinet’s front. She didn’t know if it was the light above them, the bulb too worn and used to withstand much longer, or her imagination but her eyes seemed a darker shade of chocolate than before and her skin a notch paler.

Flicking away the stands of corn colored hair that stuck out in weird angles, she sighed and averted meeting the gaze of her worried friend, opening the medicine cabinet instead. She still felt traces of the tingles that plagued her dreams: up her spine or in the roots of her hair. Was it getting stronger or was it just something her mind had conjured to avoid the real reason?

Two shelves filled to the brim with translucent bottles met her eyes and the duo couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the hoard of medicine. Pills and liquid alike filled bottle upon bottle, most of the labels nothing but scribbled on words too small and messy to decipher.

“Either they are deathly ill or have a bucket load of allergies.”

She shifted though the many plastic bottles, muttering the names before putting them back, Briar catching any that fell from her grip.

“Here we go,” she announced as she took a container from the shelves, Briar putting back the latest one she dropped. Rereading the yellowing label to make sure she didn’t poison herself, Laura fingered the ridged cap then looked above. Didn’t they say that tonight was going to blessed with cool weather and a soothing breeze? She didn’t think that shutting herself in a stuffy room would relieve her headache even with the aspirin in hand.

“Bulba, bulbsaur.”

Feeling something being knocked against the back of her knee, she turned to find Briar presenting her with a dusty sphere that had long lost its sheen. Taking it in her empty hand, she surveyed it to find that it was a forgotten Poke Ball. She ran her fingers along the numerous scratches that spanned the circumference, both the ruby and ivory sides, end eventually came across engraved words.

“Tabitha Wolf: Mystic.”

Turning it over in her palm, she mouthed the inscribed name to herself. Hadn’t Alexander mentioned a daughter by that name who was sent to the very school Melissa said would benefit her?

“He never mentioned she was a Pokemon trainer.” she mused.

Enlarging it with the tarnished button, she opened it with a snap, a light hiss emitting from the invention. No scarlet light jumped from its depths. Instead, only the smooth, silver interior glimmered, the only surface that still shined like new.

Closing it with a flick of her wrist, Laura pocketed it in her sweater pocket. For some reason, it seemed sad to leave this abandoned and empty Poke Ball to be forgotten one again. Also, she had an inkling feeling that it would later be of use. Ironically, the sensation was identical to the one that was fueling her growing headache.

With a nod towards Briar, they exited the dull bathroom to climb up the stairs that led to the roof.

Phantom Kat
01-02-2008, 07:41 PM

The cool night air was just as the forecast predicted. It flowed though the air effortlessly like a skillful Starly, moving through sky while shaping the breezes for its own gain. The tops of trees and garden bushes trembled, the petals of delicate flowers shivered.

Laura looked down and saw the desolate street below her. The honey colored light stretched from where it was conjured on the top of streetlamps, making the gray cement catch on an eerie shade. Cars parked beside the lonely sidewalk stood in silence as though waiting, hoping, that someone would use them soon before they rusted away.

She walked closer, hearing both the door she had come from close and the gravel crunching beneath the slippers that resembled a pair of Murkrow. When the orange beaks on her slippers bumped against the edge that rose to about a foot from the floor, she sat down on the floor in a cross legged position.

She unscrewed the cap from the aspirin bottle and dropped two, chalky pills on her hand. Without warning, she dumped them into her mouth. Once both had made their way down her throat, she smacked her lips and looked out into the city. From where she and Briar sat, she felt minuscule and unimportant compared to the view in front of them. Laura looked down at the two story drop she would suffer if she produced one, unbalanced step and the medicine bottle in her hand that was almost filled to the brim with the sour tasting stuff.

How easy could it be to swallow about half of the bottle’s contents right then and there, her acts going unnoticed until the sun replaced the full moon that cast over them. A simple, misplaced step and she would be sent hurtling towards almost certain death, gravity acting its terrible deed faster than she could blink.

“Bulba?” the Grass type questioned when his trainer began to stand. His small eyes widened in terror when Laura began to balance herself on the edge of the roof, her eyes unblinking against the wind that blew from the north. With a ‘whoosh’ that cut through the blanket of silence that laid over them, the identical vines that came flying from his jade bulb snapping securely on her thin wrists.

Laura whirled around to meet Briar eye to eye, the sudden movement making her feet rock back and forth dangerously.

“I’m not going to jump,” she assured him, silk-like hair covering her vision from where it was blown. “I’m only getting a better view.”

Briar shook his blocky head and kept his hold tight. He did not like the glint in her eyes as she turned her back to him and the way her knuckles were a ghostly white from holding the old, medicine bottle tightly unnerved him. She held it as though it was lifesaver, as though her existence depended on the pills that rocked back and forth. The loyal Pokemon was afraid it was true.

“Briar, let me go.” Laura told him, tone gaining an edge that made said Pokemon flinch. She felt the pain in her skull not recede but magnify until a full blown migraine throbbed within. However, she did not cry out nor exclaimed at the sudden change. All the oak eye girl felt was a pulling sensation towards the cold and unforgiving ground below.

Briar felt her skin warm up and her hair stand on end. He gently tugged her to his direction but she would not budge. If anything, it made her more agitated and ridged. Wither her stance firm and her expression stony, Briar was baffled as to what had caused the sudden change in demeanor.

Before Laura could say or do a thing, the Seed Pokemon gave a grunt as he gave a mighty pull. The pajama wearing teen gave a short scream, feeling her feet loose contact with the floor, as she sailed through the air only to be dropped harshly on the roof’s top. Her whole body, including the side of her face, collided with the pebbles strewn on the roof’s floor. Besides the slippers that were probably on the Cerulean sidewalk and the bottle of aspirin that spilled its pills so that they stood out against the jet black rocks, the Poke Ball they had found rolled out of her pocket.

The sphere glowed a brilliant violet, heat radiating from it. The light dimmed, the warmth cooled, until it solemnly laid before them. They had no chance in trying to comprehend what had happened, no opportunity for Laura to regain control of her mind and for Briar to apologize for his unannounced action, for a sharp squeal resounded in the night.

They turned upon hearing footsteps disturbing the pebbles in which they still laid. A short figure emerged from the shadows of the roof, body encased in the same aurora the Poke Ball had previously possessed. The source of the energy seemed to be the object it held in its small grip and when the being presented himself, they found it was a Twistedspoon. Its surface was tarnished and blemished with scratches while its form was gnarled beyond recognition.

The Abra who had the Hold Item in possession did not care about the lack of grandeur the spoon held. He simply fed from its power, eyeing the two other living things on the roof. The gaze soon fell only on Laura and the Poke Ball that had stopped its quaking and she couldn’t help but feel chills running through her body like rats. Hesitantly, she picked up the old Poke Ball, looked at the words scratched on its surface and then at the Psychic type who now stood still.

“Mystic?” she asked tentatively, her volume barely louder than the wind that began to pick up.

The yellow, triangular ears perked up and the Abra’s expression hardened even more. His half closed eyes followed Laura’s hand as she pointed the capturing device at him.


No beam of light shot out. The ball did not open to suck back the former occupant. Breaking the murdering stare Abra was boring into her eyes, Laura now knew one thing: Abra was released from the Poke Ball and the fact that he was reminded of this fact made his blood boil (judging by the daggers he now sent).

“Abra…” the underfed Pokemon seethed, the Twistedspoon vibrating in his claws.

The rocks around him rose like minions, all faintly glowing with the same energy as him, and with a thrust of his hands, they were sent soaring her way.

Laura stood up to run but her naked feet slipped from under her. She landed hard on her elbows and could do nothing but cover her face with her arms in a desperate attempt of protecting herself. Briar leapt in front of her fallen body and, with his vines still held aloft, battered as many rocks from the air as possible. He cringed when pebbles lodged into his scaly skin or made contact with his face but he dug his short claws to keep from sliding. The Abra scowled when the barrage was over and the girl on the floor was relatively unscathed.

The bruised Bulbasaur helped his owner back to her feet, keeping a sharp eye on the brown and tan Pokemon. Laura frowned, the circular object still in hand. Did she remind him of his old trainer? Did she release him only to go to the Johto school? Was she forced or did she do it of her own accord?

Deciding that she wouldn’t find the answers to the questions that swam in her mind, she knelt down and reached out a hand. Briar extended a vine in front of her to protect Laura from anything that Abra might conjured.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” she told him, trying to make her words as soothing as possible. “I’m not Tabitha, I’m onl…”

Abra raised his spoon and Laura felt her mouth clamp shut. Her body started to move backwards and she could feel the hair on her neck stand when she thought of falling over the edge of the roof. She fell back on her bum when Briar hit Abra with a well aimed Razor Leave attack. The jagged leaves cut through his skin, abruptly ending the attack. Abra shook his head, swatting the last remaining leaves off his body. The mangled silverware was still held tight and the duo knew it was that that was giving Abra the boost to his powers. She had a feeling it could have been a memento from his days as a trainer’s Pokemon despite his anger.

“We can’t calm him down,” Laura told him with regret. Fingering the orb that was still in her pale fingers, she looked at Briar. The duo type knew what she had in mine; he stepped forward and readied his battle stance. Abra looked at him, face never wavering from its mad expression, and stepped closer with his three clawed feet.

Laura scooted back, glad that the former Mystic did not Teleport away. She knew how it felt to be in his place, angered beyond reason for being “abandoned”. She dealt with those bottled up emotions for the better half of three months, who knows how long this Abra had been living out on his own.

“Start with Vine Whip!” she commanded and Briar was quick to follow orders.

Galloping towards the Psychic, he extended his vines to their maximum length to batter his enemy. For a moment, Abra was taking by surprise, not imagining the bulky Poison type to be as fast as he was, but after two slaps of the vines, the smacks echoing like whips, he Teleported out of sight.

Briar growled but kept up his guard after Laura’s shout of encouragement, vines in the air like the scythes of a praying mantis. The air was still once again, only the whistling of far away trees could be heard.

“Briar, look out!”


He jumped back as a small boulder about the size of his head came hurtling towards him. The boulder exploded on the spot he was moments ago, the pebbles that made it up flying in all directions.

“Swat them away, Briar!”

He complied by whipping the rocks away from his face, but this proved a mistake for it allowed Abra a clear path to attack. Briar looked up in alarm and raised his vines yet was too late to deflect the scratch Abra delivered. He yelped in pain, flying back and shaking his head as he felt the two flesh wounds flare up in pain.

Abra landed on the ground, albeit a but clumsily, ran up, and began to attack him with scratches courtesy of the paw that did hold the Twistedspoon. Each time the sharp claws sliced a new are of his skin, Briar gritted his teeth and withstood the pain. Whenever he saw an open spot, he would slash with his vines to hit the enemy.

Laura bit her lip but was determined not to make another mistake.

“Use Take Down!”

Briar braced himself and after the sixth scratch he suffered (this one to his right cheek so that he now sported twin trails of blood on his face), ran at full speed with little care of the consequences. The side of his body collided with the petite Pokemon in a collison worth remembering. Abra was thrown back with a pained screech while Briar was pushed back a few inches: the aftermath of the reckless, physical attack. Through his cringing, he saw the last faint lines of the Pokemon teleporting itself, leaving somewhat of an indent from where he fell.

Laura and Briar whirled around, knowing that the time period between disappearing and reappearing in a Teleport maneuver was short, when a thud and a yelp made the human jump in surprise. Turning her focus back to her faithful friend, she found with a start where Abra landed.

Clinging like an a small child to his mother’s dress, Abra was violently thrashed around from where he was perched on Briar’s growing bulb. The angrier of the two relentlessly batted the other with his green vines, snarling and baring his teeth. When Abra hung on, smacking away the vines that whacked him, the reptile resorted to running and bucking him like an irritated Ponyta. Just as stubborn, Abra held on, swatting him with claws.

Seeing the door from which they came from, Laura thought quickly as she saw her Pokemon beginning to tire.

“Briar, run towards the door!”

He sent her a questioning glance but obliged by turning and running at the door at break neck speed, wind whistling almost painfully in his short ears. The ground seemed to rumble beneath his paws as the door got closer, Abra not at all aware to what was coming. Despite the door looming closer and closer, Briar did not turn back to face Laura les he lose his focus and momentum.

His trust was all in his trainer’s hands.

“Turn your back and slam him against the door!”

Abra’s eyes expanded in horror when the words that were uttered reached his ears but Briar let out an all knowing smirk. With a twist of his body, he turned his back and threw himself upon the door with as much energy his body allowed. The slam and yell reverbrated in the battle ground and Laura hoped that it was not enough to awake the sleeping citizens of Cerulean. Briar jumped back from the shaking door, his own body quaking like a leaf, to see the Psi Pokemon fall numbly to the floor. His long tail slumped to the ground with the rest of his body and above his small, beige snout, he glared.

Unbeknownst to him, there was more Laura’s plan than to simply cause him pain.

“Briar, take away his Twistedspoon!”

Quick as a flash, a vine snatched the powerful item before Abra’s claws could reach them. The small of the two scrambled frantically to get his precious Hold Item back but Briar merely, with a flick of his vine, send it towards Laura.

The blonde girl jumped and caught it before it fell clattering towards the sidewalk below them. She yelped when she fell herself falling and bit her tongue when the pebbles dug into her bare feet when she landed safely on the ground but other than that, she beamed triumphantly.

Abra snarled, growled, did everything in his power to look as threatening as possible. It was apparent, however, that he felt exposed and helpless without the object fueling his power; this was shown by his body shaking, brown shoulder blades seeming to rattle. Afraid that he would Teleport towards the fourteen year old orphan, Briar arched his back, vines now tucked in safely. The opening of his bulb began to light up until multiple projectiles shot like balls from a cannon. The handful of seeds burrowed deep into the Abra’s rough skin and before he could utter a cry, they sprang open to reveal plant tendrils. They snaked along his body, wrapping him so that his limbs were locked together. A string of electricity ran along the shoots, making him shout and squirm in pain as they zapped away his energy like leeches.

Returning to his normal stance, Briar followed the order of Razor Leaf. Abra kicked up dirt from where he laid as a tied up mess, making the Grass type’s eyes water and delay his attack. From where he was writhing, he pushed the dinosaur-like Pokemon back. Sliding to a stop, Briar shook his head to rid himself of the tears that clouded his vision and unleashed a flurry of green from his onion-shaped bulb. The sharpened foliage whizzed by, closing the gap of space in a matter of seconds.

Abra yelled out as the leaves embedded themselves deep into his epidermis, still trying to kick off the electrocuting vines that held him tight and unable to Teleport.

Laura mouthed an apology to Abra, knowing that the old object she held in her hand meant as much to him as the Squirtle key chain back in her room. A memento that showed he was truly worthy of something and she could understand that full heartedly.

“Finish it off with Vine Whip!”

The whip-like vines were released once again. Cutting through the air like butter, they picked the stuggling form of Abra and hurled him to back to the ground by throwing him at an angle. Because of this, he nosedived towards the ground where he eventually came to a stop thanks to friction. The painful slide came to a halt, rocks dispering every which way. Abra held a face of pain mixed in with grim defeat, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.

Both from injuries and his pride, was Laura’s conclusion and her heart went out to the soul that, more than likely, grieved for his old life with Tabitha.

She tossed the dusty Poke Ball and watched as it reclaimed its old host, falling to the earth to quiver.


My stories always end up longer than they seem. =/

- goes to start final Story Deal that will be heaps better than this one-

Pokemon: Abra
Min. Characters: 20K - 30K
Total Characters: 41204

01-02-2008, 08:03 PM
Since i uh....am going to be reading this anyways [i read all of your stories] i guess i will do a grade for ya.... unless you want somebody else's opinion..... tell me by PM my sexy pair -wink-

^ i won't be ofended if you prefer the latter :]

01-06-2008, 07:04 AM
Sorry about the wait, I was a bit preoccupied with other matters :3

Story/Plot: So Laura, a fifteen year old orphan, find herself once more staring at the horrid painting outside the headmistress’s office that is oh-so-accustomed to yet another family taking her in. She has been hopping from foster family to foster family ever since her family’s unfortunate death a year ago at the hands of a brutal fire. Her lesser-known Uncle Alexander invites her in, takes her to his home, and introduces her to his wife, who seems sweet at first, but hides a vicious personality. They explain that she has the opportunity to go to a boarding school, then she goes to bed, wakes up in the middle of the night, hears them discussing the matter of her departure, and Laura finds an empty Pokeball. Deciding that the stuffy house is not to her liking, Laura ventures up to the roof with her Bulbasaur, Briar, and contemplates suicide. The Pokeball suddenly bursts open, letting out the couple’s deceased daughter’s Abra, who is determined to battle the girl.

One word: wow.

This was a great plot for a Hard Pokemon…..despite the nagging feeling that it was all a bit rushed. It was definitely unconventional that you took on a gloomy, depressed theme, for that is not what I would have expected from a zany person like you, nor from anyone else on the boards. It was very realistic, much more so than 90% of the stories on here. Despair is a common emotion in teenagers, and while most authors here tend to display the perky “let’s go catch a Pokemon” kind of main character, you create a sullen, emotional teen who could care less about the new family that has taken her in.

Speaking of that, I love the Laura character. She was so realistic and original, as were Alexander and, dare I say it, Melissa. Nothing much more to say here than good job…

Haha, there was one point that was a bit strange….when Laura was taking Briar out of his Pokeball: the manner in which she did it so abruptly led to immediate suspicions that she was going to attack Melissa, yet it really seemed to be an important part in the story: a sort of transition to show that Melissa was more poison than honey.

Introduction: I was a bit disappointed here to tell you the truth. While you make sure to implement Laura’s intense loathing of the garden painting, you do leave out a lot of momentous information that would help to give insight on the character. Sure, we are let in on the fact that numerous foster homes had disowned her in the past and that her family perished in a fire nearly a year ago, but I fell that you could have described her past a bit more. Maybe incorporating memories of her home & family before they had died would have helped a little…..We can’t really get into the mood and feel sorrow for Laura’s situation unless we feel compassion for the girl, and that can only be done by knowing all there is to know about her. If we knew that she was happy and such with her original family, then we might be a tad more saddened that she was now an orphan, but leaving it just as it is sort of makes us feel indifferent toward Laura, like we could care less what happens to her. (I found this coming about the strongest at the suicide consideration scene.)

Also, you seem to rush a bit when it comes to Laura’s relationship with Mrs. Zelda……Did they have the sort of association where Laura was constantly getting into trouble at the orphanage, but the lady always seemed to overlook the predicament, without instituting any sort of punishment (kind of like Harry and Dumbledore). I see that you sort of made Laura unresponsive to Mrs. Zelda’s comment that she was always welcome, and I kind of get a gist of their ties, but meh, it was good nonetheless.

AHA! You are a sneaky little one. I see that you added in an extra little section (where Alexander and Laura were driving). I commend you for doing this (although it is a bit unorthodox to add on to a story after you claimed it to be finished, for the grader might not take it into account). But anyway, I like that you explained that she got Briar as a gift, not as a starter to go on a journey….it sort of shows that her dad had a likeness to her.

Grammar/Spelling: It wasn’t too bad this time around…. Just a few things:

The Abra who had the Hold Item in possession did not care about the lack of grandeur the spoon held.

Hold Item doesn’t need to be capitalized, for it is not necessarily included in the category of PokeBall and Pokemart, and such. On that matter, I noticed that you separated Poke and Ball, when they really should be together I think.

The light dimmed, the warmth cooled, until it solemnly laid before them.

I know that you were under the impression that this was listing things, but in fact there should be an {and} after the first comma.

She unscrewed the cap from the aspirin bottle and dropped two, chalky pills on her hand.

When telling quantity, you do not need a comma separating it from the following word. That only applies to all regular adjectives, excluding color. So the comma after {two} should be removed.

Flicking away the stands of corn colored hair that stuck out in weird angles, she sighed and averted meeting the gaze of her worried friend, opening the medicine cabinet instead.

I felt that you could have cut this up into two sentences. Instead of constantly using commas, you could have ended the sentence after {friend} and instated {she} before opening.

There were several more mistakes that I found within the story (most coming from comma misusage and such) but I feel that grades that are pumped full of quotes and such really take away from the actual review, drawing the focus more to telling the author of his/her mistakes than telling them the good points of the story.

Length: Outstanding once again. I have learned not to expect anything less than 10k over the maximum from you….so this isn’t much of a surprise. Just…. Great. And by the way, I agree with you about the whole “my stories are longer than they seem” thing, because, really, as I was reading it, it felt much more like a 10k story than a 40k one. It is actually a good thing that the reader speeds through, for that shows that he/she is not bored, yet enticed to read more.

Detail/Description: Sigh. I bet you are expecting a long, drawn-out response to this section, yet I cannot comment much on this. I see that you put more emphasis on describing more in-depth physical characteristics of your characters (in a subtle way, which is awesome in my opinion.) That shows that you paid attention to my last grade. *high fives*^_^

I could see pretty much everything, except the orphanage. It seemed like the only things that you bothered to depict were the dreadful painting and the splintering bench. Did the building tower above the street, a looming behemoth compared to the trinket shops around it? Or was it a shabby two-story condominium that was on the verge of closing down? Show & tell: it’s more than just some kindergarten activity. XD

Besides that small dilemma, this was near perfect, so no worries.

Battle: Marvelous! (lol, I added to my vocabulary.) It was a great match-up of Pokemon: Bulbasaur vs. Abra, for both are of the same level of skill, and that usually makes for an outstandingly long & equal battle, which was what we see here. It was definitely two-sided, and so long that I felt like slapping you to say “STOP ALREADY”[/random moment].

I loved how you put so much focus on the Twistedspoon. I have never really seen a hold item used in a URPG story before, so it was refreshing….also I liked how Abra seemed so intent on getting it back, as though it were a substitute for his deceased trainer.

Not much else to say besides that this is verging on becoming your best section….which is hard to accomplish compared to your good grasp on everything else.

Outcome: I just want to let you know that it was hard to find fault in any of the categories other than the Grammar, so I was really impressed overall. Of course there is nothing holding me back from saying Abra Captured. TeamEvolution will have a nice little welcome-back present I see…..so I wish him the best of luck with this little devil, and you with [insert what 'mon you are getting]__________. Phew, I think I will let another grader take your next story (not that I don’t want it) I just don’t think there is anything new that I can help you with, so I think it would be for the best that you get another person’s opinion on your writing. I will definitely be reading, so no worries.

Phantom Kat
01-06-2008, 07:20 AM
lol No worries, I love your grades so the wait was worth it and besides, us graders have lives, too. (Like, no wai =o)

Ah, the intro, yeah, I shold have added more to it and it was probably because I was anxious for them to get to the house already. I will keep that in mind, though, to get more in touch to the character's emotions and I love doing it so I will make sure to work on that.

Gah, Grammar and I was putting the commas so at least I know that not before a number. This always seems to be my worst section but I'm getting better. ^^

(About the Poke Ball thing, I've seen some graders say it's one word and others (like myself) say it's two words. I guess it's one of those things where it's personal prefrence)

Yes, just like your a Grammar natzi, I'm a Description/Battle natzi. I put in the Twistedspoon to enchance his powers to communicate with Laura and to make the battle more interesting and I'm glad it worked since Teleporting wouldn't really be such a great battle. I'm glad you liked it and expect my battles to be longer. :tongue:

And I did NOT add that after it was finished because when I say it's finished, it's finished other than me going over mistakes in grammar and spelling. You just didn't look hard enough is all so don't pin the blame on me, sexy.

Yay, taking Abra now and thanks a lot for the grade, they really help! ^^

(=o First Hard Pokemon I did, another notch in my Story Goal.)

- Kat

01-06-2008, 07:38 AM
lol No worries, I love your grades so the wait was worth it and besides, us graders have lives, too. (Like, no wai =o)

Ah, the intro, yeah, I shold have added more to it and it was probably because I was anxious for them to get to the house already. I will keep that in mind, though, to get more in touch to the character's emotions and I love doing it so I will make sure to work on that.

Gah, Grammar and I was putting the commas so at least I know that not before a number. This always seems to be my worst section but I'm getting better. ^^

(About the Poke Ball thing, I've seen some graders say it's one word and others (like myself) say it's two words. I guess it's one of those things where it's personal prefrence)

Yes, just like your a Grammar natzi, I'm a Description/Battle natzi. I put in the Twistedspoon to enchance his powers to communicate with Laura and to make the battle more interesting and I'm glad it worked since Teleporting wouldn't really be such a great battle. I'm glad you liked it and expect my battles to be longer. :tongue:

And I did NOT add that after it was finished because when I say it's finished, it's finished other than me going over mistakes in grammar and spelling. You just didn't look hard enough is all so don't pin the blame on me, sexy.

Yay, taking Abra now and thanks a lot for the grade, they really help! ^^

(=o First Hard Pokemon I did, another notch in my Story Goal.)

- Kat

yes, i am replying to your reply of the grade, feel free to bombard me with carrotsticks[/yet more randomness] lmao

Like, for real, we have lives? Actually i slept until 3:00 pm =S *searches for apparent life, but comes up empty-handed* lol

wow. i think this was one my worst grades i have ever given. i sort of rushed it a bit so that you could finally get it, since i procrastinated severly. well, i am glad you liked it anyways ^_^

To the PokeBall thing: *sticks tongue out* Tousche! (sp?) xP

Haha, *bows to description Nazi*

And I did NOT add that after it was finished because when I say it's finished, it's finished other than me going over mistakes in grammar and spelling. You just didn't look hard enough is all so don't pin the blame on me, sexy.

wow. is that an attitude i detect? lmao....joking... well, i complimented you for it, so retract your claws! hehe

Glad i could help with you goal.... now i think you can help me with mine: Take that damn Seaking from the Trading Thread! rofl