View Full Version : Cold Steel
01-05-2008, 03:30 AM
Ready For Regrade
Chapter One: Rich Iron
A cold breeze swept up minor snowflakes into the air, as the mountains stood strong and high up in the sky. Snow floated down upon a little valley in the mountains. In the valley, in the mountains, lies a small town with tiny houses made of cold, hard, cripple bricks. The shackles on top of the tiny houses barely kept the cold out. Black non-translucent smoke arose from the poorly made chimneys that grew from the tiny houses. In this little town the houses were aligned ever so methodically, so organized, so systematic, it looked like a grid from outer space.
Although this small diminutive town looks poor, deprived, and insolvent, this small town is full of money. Inside the tiny houses were gold statues, grand paintings, diamond rugs, granite tables, counters, and chairs, plus more. It was a most wealthy town and it got its wealth through iron. They mined out a lot of iron from the mountains around them and traded it for a lot of gold. They were very opulent people and owned all of the mountains around them.
Well, in this small town were the fancy people that occupied the small crippled houses. And in one of those houses is a boy named Fiace. Fiace always wore boots; in fact most of the town wore boots because it is always snowing in this small town, so they all wear boots. But Fiace, unlike other people, wears a pair of blue baggy pants worn with a belt along with a shiny diamond belt buckle. His slick, skinny, blue hoodie always keeps him warm even in the coldest of blizzards. His short spiked blue hair matched his deep sapphire eyes. His darkish tan made him look less white than he really was, seeing as though he lives in the high mountains. Since the weather up there is very cold, and it snows all the time, the only Pokemon that live up there are ice type Pokemon. Any other kind of Pokemon would freeze in such temperatures, or so they thought.
01-05-2008, 11:37 PM
Giant heavy footsteps could be heard for over a mile. A huge hazel fur coated creature trampled threw the town as its mighty feet left enormous footprints. The creature’s body was elephantine shaped, and was also burdensome in size. With this massive body came two long, thick, strong tusks. They curled upward and back down again toward the creature. Its eyes were tiny compared to the rest of the monster. But around the eyes was colored skin that made it look like it had a mask on. The first little skin around the eyes was a turquoise blue, and then the second layer was a snow white. This creature was carrying a small swamp green bag full of some kind of roundish objects in the little pouches. This bag was hung over the creature like a pack mule of some sort.
This creature was actually a Pokemon, named Mamoswine. This thick furred Mamoswine dashed across the small town and halted to a quick stop right in front of his master and trainer, Fiace. Fiace rubbed his Mamoswine’s tusks and he said,
“Good boy, you did a great job running that quick job for me.” Fiace grabbed the small bag off of his Mamoswine and set the bag next to him as he reached inside of his pocket. He then took out a small round ball with a silver ring around the diameter with a small white button in the middle. It was red on the top half of the small ball, and white on the other half. Fiace pushed the small little button on the silver line. The ball grew at least three times its size as Fiace pointed the ball at his Mamoswine. Fiace pushed the small button as a red beam went straight out and hit the Mamoswine as the Mamoswine turned a bright red, along with the beam, and was sucked into the little red and white ball.
Fiace then put the small ball away and took out two more of the same kind of balls. He pushed the button as they grew and threw them into the air. One popped open and with a bright white light came out a huge monstrous creature. It looked like a giant snow covered pine tree, but with two shaggy arms and a hirsute head. The bottom of this giant creature was a forest green, but still shaggy and hirsuted. The other ball opened up to reveal a dark, vague, somber, gloomy, indefinite, floating creature. It had one large yellow eye with a red pupil and its antenna was like a little yellow platform. Its belly was huge with a design of a jack-o-lantern and its two long large arms could even give the biggest of Ursaring a bear hug. This creature had no legs, or bottom, or waist, only a tail of what seamed to be smoke. It was a ghostly creature, a phantom, a poltergeist, a banshee, but it was a Pokemon, just like the other snowy monster Fiace let loose.
“Come one now, Abomasnow and Dusknoir, we have supper to make. Later on we are going to be meeting Lydia to go exploring in the mountains. Mother said we could, so we will.” The two Pokemon, Abomasnow and Dusknoir looked fairly exited and sort of happy about this.
“She is going to be bringing her Sneasel, Starmie, and Mismagius.” Fiace said with a wink. Abomasnow and Dusknoir's faces lit up and became much more exited and extremely happy about going with Fiace to meet Lydia.
01-06-2008, 05:42 AM
Fiace walked into his nice rich abode and walked down the small hallway with portraits of relatives in diamond frames. He walked into the living room wear his family showed off the family wealth in gold. He then walked into the granite kitchen were he sat down the forest green bag. Abomasnow and Dusknoir fallowed him right into the furnished kitchen. Fiace opened up a polished wooden cabinet and grabbed a silky cotton apron. He put it on and put his hand into the forest green bag and found what he was looking for, fruit. He took a very sharp and big knife from a knife set sitting in the corner of the granite counter of the kitchen. He took the fruit and started to cut the fruit very slowly, but eventually got faster. He made a lot of slices of fruit and gave a third to Abomasnow, another third for Dusknoir, and pocketed the rest in his pants pocket.
A small light blue, catlike creature appeared threw the living room and into the kitchen. The catlike figure gave off a brisk, polar, artic feel to the air. Its slim icy body made it looks even more majestic that it really was, even though it was already very majestic.
“Glaceon, how very nice of you to be joining us for supper. I have yours right here.” Fiace said as he took the sliced up fruit from his pocket and gave it to Glaceon. All three of his Pokemon ate as Abomasnow gave Fiace the eyebrow raise which meant, “Are you not going to eat?” Fiace noticed this action from Abomasnow and replied,
“I had a late lunch with Mamoswine, about an hour ago, so we’re not hungry.” Fiace gave a slight pause for his Pokemon to eat their food but soon said,
“Now hurry up, we still have to meet Lydia in a few minutes, remember?” Abomasnow soon remembered and ate faster, along with Dusknoir. Glaceon jumped on Fiace's shoulder as he said,
“Ah yes, my only Pokemon that likes Lydia for Lydia and enjoys seeing her, just to be with her.” Glaceon sort of meowed in her kind of way as Fiace took off the silk cotton apron and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. He grabbed Glaceon’s Pokeball and walked into the hallway and out the door. Abomasnow and Dusknoir were not far behind Fiace as Fiace started walking left of his house and toward the mountain which he lives by. He started scaling the enormous mountain and saw a vague darkish figure of a young women with puffy balls of hair sticking out from both ends of her head. The top of her head was flat, but still circular from the hat she wore all the time. Fiace could barley see her as she waved franticly with her left hand and with her right hand she grasped the strap of her backpack. She looked like she was about to fall off the mountain, but it was only an illusion since she was barely in sight range.
Fiace heaved up the towering mountain as he got closer to Lydia. It was a slow climb and took him a few minutes to reach Lydia, but he finally met up with her on the mountain. Lydia’s hair was a bright blue, which resembled her eyes, unlike Fiace’s whose were a deep sapphire blue. Her perky face matched the happy yellow, reds, and blues on her long sleeve shirt and long pants. Her Shoes were just regular tennis shoes, but with colorful duck tape wrapped around so snow wouldn’t travel in. She was the only other person that lived in the town that didn’t wear boots.
Lydia noticed that Fiace had brought his Pokemon with him and she retorted,
“Oh, I didn’t know we were supposed to bring our Pokemon,” Glaceon didn’t react, but Abomasnow and Dusknoir both sighed together in a long, harmonious, and annoying tone.
“I only brought Sneasel and Starmie with me. The rest are at home warm and cozy.” Abomasnow soon changed emotions and smiled with grumbled underneath his breath and bristly mustache. To Fiace it sounded like a, “Yes!” Fiace half smiled and gave the little half laugh thing. Dusknoir remained unsatisfied and a little mad at Fiace for lying to him.
“Well,” Lydia said catching everyone’s attention, “I was planning on going into the cave near the peak of this mountain, right up… there!” Lydia pointed near the top of the mountain at a dark mysterious cave, which the wind growled, howled, roared, and uproared. The sharp glossy icicles pointed down on the cave making it look like the cave had teeth and was going to devour any lost soul that wondered a little bit to near.
“Looks lovely. Well let’s get going then, off to the cave!” Fiace said excitedly as Lydia, Abomasnow, and Dusknoir fallowed him. None of them scared, or frightened, but poor old Glaceon was shivering down to her bones.
03-18-2008, 09:05 PM
Fiace and Lydia treaded up the sloppy mountain toward the cool, damp, mysterious cave. Lydia turned around walking backwards and she said with a serious look upon her face,
“Did you know that explorers came up here one time, but never returned!?” Fiace shook his head and looked away in disbelief.
“No, it’s true! And that some kids were playing and went up to this same exact cave and was chased out by a big, black, and silver monster!!” Fiace looked back at her with a sarcastic “Oh really?” look on his face as he said,
“I’m sure Mr. Big, black, and silver monster won’t mind if we come knocking in.” Lydia pouted and crossed her arms as she turned back around walking forward and said,
“Fine, don’t believe me, but when you are being chased down the mountain back into the village by a gigantic monster, don’t come crying to me!”
“Whatever.” Said Fiace as they kept walking up the mountain, closer, and closer to the cave.
When they reached the cave both Fiace, and Lydia starred at how tall the entrance was. The cave was bigger than they thought it was and looked smaller from a far. Fiace was behind Lydia and looked at her as he started creeping up on her. Fiace Jumped and said,
“Rahhh!!” Lydia jumped higher and screams at the top of her lungs. She quickly covered her mouth and turned around to hit Fiace when she heard her own echo and said,
“Do you think, THAT, was the monster?!”
“That was your echo, now come on you big Torchic.” Said Fiace as he chuckled. Lydia pouted as her Sneasel ran up behind her and scanned the cave.
“I am not a Torchic! Take that back!!” Fiace and Lydia started to walking into the cave as Fiace turned around, put his arms up like wings and started flapping as he chanted,
“Baaak, bak bak, baaak!” Lydia opened her mouth to say something when they all heard a low, loud, ominous, roar from inside the cave. They both stood up straight and look deep into the darkness. The roar ended as Lydia said calmly,
“Was that the monster?” Fiace raised an eyebrow and said with skepticism,
“Nah, it was probably the wind. Now can we go?!” Lydia nodded with fear as she and her Sneasel walking farther into the cave. Abomasnow stayed outside because he was a little too big, but Dusknoir fallowed Fiace and Lydia into the cave. Glaceon walked next to Lydia and her Sneasel.
They kept on walking as it became too dark to see anything. From out of the darkness Fiace’s voice was heard as he said,
“Dusknoir, can you use Wil-O-Whisp please?” From out of nowhere little blue flaming balls lit up the damp dark cave and fallowed Dusknoir. They kept on walking as Lydia picked up Glaceon and hugged her tightly. Fiace stopped as he encountered a dead end.
“What?! But this cave is supposed to be bigger than this!” Fiace said as he turned around at Lydia making her feel guilty because it was her idea.
“But, I thought it was too!” Lydia said trying to stand up for herself knowing that it should be bigger than this.
“Whenever we go one adventure that I choose, we don’t end it in less than five minutes; I mean come on-“Fiace rambled on, but Lydia stopped paying attention to him as the cave wall behind Fiace, started to move upward, rising in slow motion.
03-19-2008, 01:04 AM
The cave wall sprouted an iron-like tail and two giant rock/steel legs. Fiace stopped talking as he realized Lydia was starring above his head and he turned around slowly to look at the cave wall, but it wasn’t a cave wall, it was an enormous Aggron. Fiace stared at it with wide eyes as he said,
“That’s no cave wall.”
“I-I th-th-think ou-ou-our ad-ve-venture has s-s-s-started.” Lydia stuttered without moving a muscle. Fiace shook his head as the gigantic Aggron turned around and glared at Fiace and Lydia. The Aggron twisted its body to the right, as its right hand started glowing.
“I know that attack,” said Fiace, “it’s Metal Claw.” Lydia suddenly snapped out of her shock and started running back toward the entrance and shouted back,
“Come on! It will destroy you if you don’t run, Fiace!” Fiace shook his head and ran as fast as he could toward the entrance as the Aggron attacked, but missed and hit the ground, creating an explosion and smoke shot out everywhere. Glaceon was right behind Fiace, as well as Dusknoir, and Sneasel was running next to Lydia.
“Glaceon use Ice Shard on the Aggron!” The shiny light blue Pokemon turned around and shot multiple rounds and ice shards at the charging Aggron. The Aggron slowed down a bit, but then stopped and let out an enormous outcry. Not even a millisecond went by before Arons and Liarons started pouring out from behind the giant Aggron. They all started chasing after Lydia, Fiace, and their Pokemon. Fiace say the light at the end of the tunnel get closer and closer. He yelled out to Abomasnow,
“Abomasnow use blizzard right after we get out of the cave!” He saw Abomasnow get and ready for the attack. Lydia, Sneasel, Glaceon, Dusknoir, and Fiace all jumped out of the cave, and out of the way as Abomasnow let out a ferocious blizzard into the cave that left the entrance blacked with snow.
Fiace and Lydia had their hands on their knees as they painted rapidly. Fiace stood up straight with his hands in a fist and on his waist as he smiled and said,
“That was great! What a rush! Did you feel the adrenaline rushing through your body!? Oh that was great!” Lydia looked up at Fiace and said,
“That… was… alright.” Fiace was smiling and was extremely anxious for more when they heard some scratching sound coming from the pile of snow in front of the cave. Both Fiace and Lydia looked behind them at it as a metal rock claw came clawing out of the snow. And then out popped a Lairon determined to attack Fiace. It charged at its head started to glow.
“What? A Lairon?! Uh oh, Glaceon use Icy wind to slow down that Lairon’s Iron Head!” Glaceon obeyed as she opened her little mouth and a cold gust with snow blew over and hit Lairon dead on. The Lairon didn’t slow down, but got faster.
“Glaceon use Ice Shard!!” The small light blue Pokemon opened her mouth again and let out shards of ice whirling at Lairon, but Liaron took them head on as if they were nothing.
“It’s going to ram you using Iron Head, Fiace, watch out!” Lydia said in a state of panic.
“Dusknoir, quick combination attack Shadow Sneak and Shadow Punch!!” The jack-o-lantern Pokemon faded into a shadow on the ground and sped over to Lairon then punched the Lairon upward a few seconds before it hit Fiace. The Lairon flipped in the air as its tail started to glow and landed an Iron Tail directly on Dusknoir. Dusknoir fell to the ground as his eyes went into a swirl like state. Lairon glared back at Fiace and started charging again.
“Return Dusknoir!” Fiace said as he quickly took out Dusknoir’s Pokeball and as red light beamed over to Dusknoir and sucked him up inside the little red and white Pokeball.
“Now, Abomasnow use Blizzard!!” Abomasnow took in a deep breath and let out an enormous wind, swirling with snow and ice as it hit Lairon by the side. Lairon slowed down to a stop as snow started to cover it.
“Glaceon help Abomasnow with icy Wind!” Glaceon opened her mouth again and let out a strong breeze and started covering Lairon with more snow. The Lairon Clinched together then let out an enormous cry knocking Fiace back by about twenty feet. Glaceon and Abomasnow stopped their attacks and ran over to Fiace who was now knocked out out. Lydia looked at Fiace worried, but then glared at the Lairon and said,
“Come on Sneasel use your Ice Shard attack, fallowed by Faint Attack and Slash!” Her Sneasel did as it was told and shot out many ice shards at the Lairon, as the Lairon turned toward Lydia and glared at her. Sneasel then disappeared, but reappeared right in front the Lairon. Lairon was astonished as Sneasel slashed Lairon with her sharp claws.
“Alright, Sneasel, come back, I don’t think we’re doing too much damage!” Lydia said as she took out Sneasel’s Pokeball. She pointed it at her black cat Pokemon as a red beam shot out of the Pokeball and hit Sneasel, absorbing it inside the small red and white ball. The Pokeball shrunk back to its smaller size as she put it back, behind her, on her belt. She then took out another Pokeball as she enlarged it and said,
“Let’s do this, Starmie!” She chucked the Pokeball out at the Lairon as it opened up in a bright white explosion. The light formed into the shape of the ten starred purple Pokemon. The Pokemon stood up straight as it gave out a majestic cry. Lydia pointed at the direction of the large, four-legged, black, steel Pokemon as she cried,
“Let’s start things off with a Power Gem attack!” Her Starmie’s shimmering ruby started to glow bright and white as it shot out an enormous ray of light and shimmered as if it was a beam of sparkling diamonds. The gorgeous beam struck the massive Lairon, but barely did anything. Lydia was surprised at why it didn’t do much damage. She then gasped as she said,
“Lairon’s are steel-rock type Pokemon, so Power Gem doesn’t do much, but I know what does! Starmie use Hydro Pump!” Her Starmie cried out as it spewed out a torrent of water at the Lairon. The Lairon smirked as it glowed with a green aura as an emerald sphere came around the Lairon. The gouging water hit the green sphere instead of the Lairon. The water stopped, as the Lairon started charging with its head glowing again.
“I hate Protect! It always gets in the way! Hurry, Starmie, use light Screen to weaken the attack!” Lydia said as her Starmie obeyed and let out an invisible wall that shattered when the Lairon hit it with its Iron head attack. The Lairon barely hit Starmie, but still did some damage even though it wasn’t very effective.
“Let’s do another Hydro Pump, Starmie!” Lydia demanded as her beautiful amethyst Pokemon shot out another enormous stream of water at Lairon. It did hit the Lairon this time, and it was very effective. It pushed back the Lairon as the water finally stopped coming, but Lairon wasn’t about to give up just yet, it yelled out another gigantic yell at the Starmie. Starmie flew backwards and hit the ground very hard.
“Starmie!” Lydia shrieked as her Starmie’s ruby was flashing as it was making a ding-dong sound like when some was ringing the doorbell over and over again.
“Use Recover, Starmie, you’ll feel better!” Her Starmie obeyed as it shimmered a bright white and almost all of its scratches and battered bruises were gone.
“Let’s finish this with one more Hydro pump!” Lydia said as her Starmie jumped up and shot another massive stream of water at the Lairon.
“Now lets catch this steel meany!” Lydia said as she took out a small red and white Pokeball. She enlarged the Pokeball and threw it at the Lairon as the Lairon was absorbed into the Pokeball in a red light. The Pokeball shook from left to right extreemly violently.
Ready For Regrade
03-21-2008, 09:14 AM
Um, you can only catch Pokemon that actually exist in the URPG. You can include Fakemon in your story, but not catch them.
03-21-2008, 09:17 AM
Um, you can only catch Pokemon that actually exist in the URPG. You can include Fakemon in your story, but not catch them.
Lairon is a Pokemon ;|. He probably just thought it was spelled Liaron.
03-21-2008, 09:23 AM
That's what I get for skimming the story...
Ignore me, I'm dumb. D=
03-21-2008, 02:55 PM
That's what I get for skimming the story...
Ignore me, I'm dumb. D=
No that was my fult I should know how to spell the name of the Pokemon I'm catching, sorry ^^".
03-30-2008, 09:41 PM
Plot: Fiace and his friend, Lydia, set off on an expedition up the mountain near their town. They enter a cave which has mysterious legends floating around it, about a great black and silver monster that chases people away. Fiace denounces it as superstition, but soon they meet up with the 'monster' a giant Aggron and it's many cronies. They escape by creating a blizzard, but one Lairon follows them, and they battle with it. Fiace is knocked out, but Lydia goes on to try and capture the beast.
All in all, it was a clever spin off the old 'friends go exploring in a cave' theme. Not terrifically original, but it was interesting. The setting was new, at least to me, and there were a lot of clever parts about it that I loved. Good job.
Introduction: I loved the first paragraph! It was so full of description and warmth, though I do think that there would have been a more dramatic effect without the first two sentences. It stretched out for quite a long time, but I thoroughly enjoyed the background of the town, since I'm that kind of person. To others, though, it might seem a bit drawn out, so I'd suggest shortening it a little and giving clues to the history of the town later on in the story, in the dialogue or in small, subtle hints. These are fun to read and fun to write.
The description of Fiace was nice; a lot of people neglect a description of their character (of which I am guilty...).
Grammar: Not bad, but not great. You seem to have a lot of tense, dialogue, and comma issues, but otherwise you have the sound foundations of good grammar. When one character is speaking, you need to remember that the phrase in quotations is only part of the sentence, while the rest is who said it or what happened as a result. Therefore, what is spoken should end in a comma, and the next word (if it's not a name or other proper noun) shouldn't be capitalized.
<<The shackles on top of the tiny houses barley >>
Should be 'barely'. Annoying mistake, I know, because word wouldn't have caught it. As I read on, I realized that this is your tic, a word that you're always going to spell wrong. All writers have one, but you really need to focus on it and fix it.
<<In this little town the houses were aligned ever so methodical >>
Should be methodically, since methodical is a noun, and you need an adverb there since it isn't a phrase or clause. After it, then, you should probably have put in a semicolon, because really it was two sentences put together.
<<Although this small diminutive town looks poor, deprived, and insolvent, this small town was full of money >>
You slipped from present tense to past, and judging by the former paragraphs, 'was' should be 'is'.. After that, you just kind of went into past tense, so really everything previous should be in past tense. Rather confusing... Because THEN you slipped into present tense.
<<Well in this small town were the fancy people that occupied the small crippled houses. >>
Should have a comma after 'well'.
<<His slick skinny blue hoody always keeps him warm even in the coldest of blizzards. >>
Here's an example of your adjective issues. There should be a comma after each item, like this:
<< His slick, skinny, blue hoodie always keeps him warm even in the coldest of blizzards >>
Also, as you see, it's spelled 'hoodie', I believe. I may be wrong... This issue was scattered throughout the story, in multiple places. But this shows that you really were describing everything very well, so I really don't think it's too bad. Especially since it seems that you honestly didn't know this rule.
<<The creature’s body was elephantine sized, and was also in the burdensome size. >>
Um... What? This sentence was very awkward. I think you meant:
<<The creature’s body was elephantine shaped, and was also burdensome in size. >>
<<with two shaggy arms and a hirsuted head. >>
Should just be 'hirsute' GREAT word; I had to look it up...
<<The other ball opened up to a dark, vague, somber, gloomy, indefinite, floating creature. >>
I think this sentence would be better wit 'reveal' or some such between 'to' and 'a'. Another weird thing... You got the commas right o-o;, so you must have known the rule (or word corrected it).
<<its antenna was like a little yellow platformed shaped object >>
... Maybe take out 'shaped object' and change 'platformed' to 'platform'...
<<jumped on Fiaces shoulders as he said >>
Should be 'Fiace's shoulder'
<<Abomasnow and Dusknoir were no far behind Fiace >>
Another annoying mistake, huh? Should be 'not' ;D
<<Fiace could barley see her as she waved franticly with her left hand >>
Barely, again... And frantically.
<<Her Shoes her just regular tennis shoes, but with colorful duck tape >>
Another awkward sentence... I think you meant:
<<Her shoes were just regular tennis shoes, but with colorful duct tape >>
<<but poor o’ Glaceon was shivering in her boots.>>
Poor old... And Glaceon wasn't wearing boots, was she?
<<“Did you know, that explorers came up here one time, but never returned!?” Fiace shook his head and looked away in disbelieve. >>
Shouldn't have a comma after know, and it's 'disbelief'
<<When they reached the cave both Fiace, and Lydia starred up at how tall the entrance was. >>
It's 'stared'. And there shouldn't be an 'up' in there...
<<“That, was your echo, now come on you big Torchic.” Said Fiace as he chunckeled. >>
No comma after 'that'. And it's 'chuckled'.
<<Abomasnow staid outside because he was a little too big >>
<<They kept on walking as it became to dark to see anything. >>
Should be 'too dark'.
<<“What?! But this cave is supposed to be bigger than this?!” >>
The second sentence should just have an exclamation point ^^
<<Sneasel then disappeared, but repapered >>
Battle: Great length and description, quite riveting, in fact. This was definitely a high point in your story, but there were some points that annoyed me. The attacks needed to have more description, and the realism was a bit skewed. You seemed oblivious to the fact that ice type moves are extremely ineffective on steel type Pokémon, and a little bit more to the battle as well as some sort of explanation of this would have increased your story's length. Also, I liked the combo, and since you can come up with them, you should use that. Pump up your battles with a lot of riveting thought on the character's part, and it'll be great.
Description: All I have to say is... wow! Everything was picture-perfect, and you painted it with lots of adjectives. I loved it. You described every Pokémon, every character.... You're very, very good at this, and it was a major plus to your story. Great job.
Length: Scraped the minimum for a hard level Pokémon like Lairon. You're so good at describing that I would have let it slide if not for the grammar mistakes.
Outcome: This was sooo incredibly on edge for me, but I'm going have to say that, for now, Lairon not captured. Fix up your grammar and add at least another 2k to the story (for all I care, go back and fortify it, then have the battle continue. Really the length wasn't that bothersome), and PM me for a regrade. ;D, good luck, I'm sure you'll get it soon, if not when you've fixed it.
03-31-2008, 12:17 AM
Thank you very much, a lot of those mistakes were me not being carful, one was type-o, but still me not being careful when I read over it, and some sentances were a little bit... scetchy, and I'll go fix those, :3.
Edit: All fixed, :3.
04-01-2008, 11:20 PM
Alright, you pretty much fixed everything and I like the addition to the battle ^^. Soo.... Lairon captured! It's of my faves =D
04-02-2008, 03:02 AM
Woo hoo, thank you so much Raintop, x3!!
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