View Full Version : The Clash Of Legends

Incredible Vortex
04-13-2005, 05:53 PM
Hi! My name is John and I am in the Johto region right now. I am 9 years old and I have brown hair and eyes. I am also about 5 feet tall & 120 pounds. Also, I started my pokemon journey 1 year ago. I live in New Bark Town.

I have just collected my eighth badge from Clair, who specializes in dragon type pokemon. I just beat her Kingdra with my trusty Blastoise. My other pokemon also helped, and they are Feraligatr, Meganium, Typhlosion, Venusaur, and Charizard.

Right now I am traveling to the pokemon league in Kanto, and I am hoping to
beat it. I finally came to the booth where the guard checks your badges.

"Can I see your badges"? said the guard in a big, low voice.

"Here they are". I said, showing him my shining badges.

"Great, you can go through!" said the guard.

As I was walking out of the booth, I was overjoyed. I was finally going to get
a chance to battle the great and powerful elite 4.

Suddenly, a red headed trainer named Jon popped out and chalenged me to a battle.

"Would you like to battle"? he asked in a french accent.

"Of course I would". I said in a kind of satisfied voice.

"OK". he said. "1 vs 1 and no items, is that OK for you"? he asked.

"Of Course". I said. "Let's go, Charizard! I shouted.

A zigzagy red line came out of a red and white ball, and Charizard started to take shape.

Then Jon sent out a Scizor.

"Yes, I have a great type advantage"! I thought to myself.

"Scizor, use Silver Wind"! comanded Jon.

"Counter with Flamethrower"! I told Charizard.

A big blast of powder was being lauched right at Charizard, while Charizard
shot a flaming, round, and hot line of fire at Scizor. The two attacks conected
to eachother, and the pokemon where trying there best to win the contest of
power. At the end, Charizard won the contest and hit an exausted Scizor with
a Flamethrower. One hit was all it took to take Scizor down.

"I win"! I shouted out with joy.

"Congragulations"! said Jon.

Then we shook hands, as I continued my journey to the pokemon league.

To be continued.....

Incredible Vortex
04-13-2005, 06:51 PM
I was now at the Victory Road, just when I noticed the fence that leads to
Mt. Silver. I really wanted to go to Mt. Silver first, because there were a lot
of strong pokemon there that I could capture and use for the pokemon league. When no one was looking, I quickly climbed over the fence and ran towards Mt. Silver. I was running so fast, I arrived at Mt. Silver in 5 minutes!

Next to Mt. Silver was a pokemon center. I went to the pokemon center to rest my pokemon.

"Hello"! said Nurse Joy. "How may I help you"?

"Can you please rest my pokemon"? I replied.

"Sure"! said Nurse Joy.

Suddenly, I heard a big crash of thunder.

"A storm is starting"! I informed Nurse Joy.

"It looks like a big one". said Nurse Joy. "I think you should stay here for the
night, because this storm is very fierce".

Then, Nurse Joy led me to a large room. On the door, there were numbers in
gold, which read 203.

"This is your room to stay at for the night". said Nurse Joy.

"Thanks". I said.

"You're welcome"! she exclaimed.

I sat on the bed and just thought about what I should do next. There were now big crashes of thunder outside and I thought about realeasing all my
pokemon out to play, just when I heard a GIGANTIC crash of thunder like
it was right beside the pokemon center! I paniced and didn't know what to do! I looked outside the window, and saw a silhouette of a giant bird with fingers on its wings...

To be contiued......

Incredible Vortex
04-14-2005, 12:25 AM
As I steped outside into the lobby, I saw other people getting out of their rooms wondering
what was happening. I ignored them and quickly strolled out of the center & slamed the door
shut behind me. I caught a glimpse of people staring at me like I made the hardest achievement in the whole universe. I noticed above the lake, a Lugia!

"OK, go Charizard"! I shouted. "Use Sunny Day"!

A tiny portion of the clouds cleared, and the storm weakened a little bit, but Charizard was
no match of Lugia's powerful Rain Dance.

"Lugia"! Lugia cried, and he sent a strong Hydro Pump!

"Dodge by flying upwards"! I comanded.

Charizard flew upwards, and the Hydro Pump missed him by an inch!
Then, I saw a boulder the size of my whole body, and had an idea!

"Charizard, grab that boulder and bring it to the sky"! I told it.

Charizard grabed the boulder, and flew up slowly with difficulty.

"Now, use Seismic Toss, but instead of the floor, land the boulder on Lugia's head"!

Charizard obeyed, as it raced full speed down to Lugia and dropped the massive boulder on
Lugia's head! It shreaked in pain, as I couldn't believe I was battling a legendary pokemon
without losing! But then, I just noticed Lugia had realeased another Hydro Pump! I told
Charizard to dodge again, but it was too late. Charizard was OHKO'ed!

"No"! I cried. I thought to myself "This is one strong Lugia! What pokemon should I use next"?

To be continued....

Incredible Vortex
11-01-2005, 01:55 AM
"OK". I thought. "I should send Blastoise".

Just then, an enormous Gyarados bounced out of the lake!

"Gyarados!" it cried.

"OK, go Blastoise!" I cried.

"Blast!!!!!" said my trusty Blastoise.

Before I could think up a decent strategy, Gyarados was making different dragon-like motions. Then, I noticed that it was using Dragon Dance to power up!

"Oh, perfect"! I thought. "Blastoise, return! Go, Venusaur"! I bellowed. Venusaur came out
of its pokeball in a zig-zag red line as usual, and standed ready for battle. Meanwhile, Gyarados was charging up for a powerful Hyper Beam!

"Venusaur, let's go! Use Sleep Powder to stop that dangerous powered-up Gyarados"! I told

Venusaur opened up the plant on its back, and hundreds of light seeds came out, racing
towards Gyarados. The moment they conected, Gyarados became unconsious, then fell asleep.

Then I noticed a Magikarp splash out of the edge of the lake.

"I'll never capture this Gyarados". I thought. "I should go after Magikarp and evolve it"!

So I glanced up, and I saw Lugia & Ho-oh battling! There were droughts, then downpours,
droughts, and then downpours, and kept on changing. Then, they got tired and launched
a Hydro Pump & Fire Blast. But that was all I got to see, as I proceeded on capturing Magikarp.

"Magikarp"! Magikarp exclaimed, trying to do something.

"Excellent, now lets do this, Venusaur"! I told Venusaur, as he stepped into battle.

Right away, Magikarp used Tackle on Venusaur, which took away about 1/20 of its HP.

"OK, lets try a little Razor Leaf"! I told Venusaur. Venusaur realeased leaves from its body,
and got a hard and direct hit. Magikarp had about 2/20 HP now.

Then, Magikarp started to glow red! It splashed up, and took away 10/20 of Venusaur's HP,
which left it at about 9/20 HP.

"Come on, Venusaur"! I shouted. "It's only a Magikarp"!

Again, Magikarp used the glowing-red attack, which is called Flail.

"Venusaur, use the move Protect I taught you a week ago"! I told it.

Venusaur curled up a little, and when Magikarp used flail, nothing happened.

"Now is our chance"! I told Venusaur. "Use Sleep Powder"!

Again, Venusaur opened its plant and hundreds of seeds sped towards Magikarp and hit its
whole body at once. Magikarp was fast asleep.

"It's finally time"! I thought. I opened up my backpack and pulled out my only pokeball.

"Go, pokeball"! I shouted. The pokeball raced at Magikarp, then took its body inside with a
zig-zag line, and fell on the ground. It shook once, then twice..... Will Magikarp be captured?

To be continued....

11-08-2005, 02:55 AM
fine I got it

Story- well, actually there wasn't too much story to speak of. What was there was confusing, and not very exciting. There was almost no character descriptions to speak of. altogether it was very terse and dry. You could use a lot of improvement in this area = o.

Grammar Couple of misspellings here and there. some run on sentences...yeah

Reality I find it a little hard to believe...even in a fake anime sort of world

Battle- short and not very exciting..best I could do here. I thought some of the attack descriptions were good..but beyond that not much.

Length- good enough for a magikarp

Outcome- Magikarp not captured. Yeah I know its an easy catch, but the story was too confusing, sorry. beter luck next time.


Incredible Vortex
11-08-2005, 10:45 PM
Finally, thank you for grading Finglonger! I think I'll edit and try again. But,
how can you possibly have a battle with Magikarp without fainting it? :tongue:

11-08-2005, 10:46 PM
I never said you couldn't...plus it was mainly the story that I had problemns with..the battle wasn't as bad

Incredible Vortex
11-08-2005, 10:54 PM
Oh, okay. Right now I am editing the story.

Incredible Vortex
11-10-2005, 10:11 PM
Yay, done editing. I hope I capture Magikarp!

Incredible Vortex
11-13-2005, 02:45 AM
I would really like a regrade, please.

11-14-2005, 12:36 AM
sorry for the wait Ishak

Story- Better, a little less confusing, and more coherent. much improvement. Still a little oddly put together..but much less so

Grammar/spelling etc- A couple of misspellings here and there..but alright I suppose

Reality- sure why not

Battle- still a little confusing, Im not quite sure I understand why lugia and ho-oh are there..but ok. Attacks between your pokemon and magikarp or fine. But I really didn't like this part

Right away, Magikarp used Tackle on Venusaur, which took away about 1/20 of its HP.

"OK, lets try a little Razor Leaf"! I told Venusaur. Venusaur realeased leaves from its body,
and got a hard and direct hit. Magikarp had about 2/20 HP now.

The whole 1/20 hp and such is really confusing, and distracting. I don't like it frankly, it just seems like a crutch to get an estimation on damage...dont do that again


OUTCOME-Magikarp captured. Magikarp is a relatively easy catch, if you want to get something bigger next time you'll need to make a more understandable story...