View Full Version : Dead or Alive

01-17-2008, 12:38 AM
Note: If I get a pass, there will be an epilogue, as well as maybe a sequel. For now, I will give no spoilers, as I want this to be a surprise. Await what happens in the Dead or Alive Series!

Ana, banana, Anastasiar (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=74000)


“Now, these kids shall be given to each of you, and you will have to take them to a rightful owner, on their doorstep. All the kids shall be safe with you, I expect. If not, then I am sorry to say you will be out of the ministry.” said a man with a stretched beard, and a long, purple cloak on. Standing in front of him was five people, each wearing a different colored cloak, with a table and a basket in front of each of them.

The men bent down to the minister, a sign of approval. The one wearing an emerald green colored cloak took his basket, and went over and walked to a bench, curious and thinking of something. He was thinking down on the bench, while the others were ready to leave, to complete the task the minister had given the five apprentices to do, and the one in the green was trying to do his, but had to think about something first.

“I see you haven’t chosen a house yet, my apprentice? Why, we have to find one fast, before this little baby wakes up from her sleep. Go ahead, come on.” said the minister, now sitting beside the man in the green cloak. The man bowed down again, and carried the basket over to the big entrance door, and went out to the rain hitting both the basket and his own head.

With thunder and lightning approaching, the man with the green cloak had to hurry and give the kid to a rightful owner. But one thing was going to make this hard. The man was new to the Hoenn region, and he didn’t know the place well. Although he thought his ancestor’s hometown was great, Petalburg, he didn’t have enough time, so he lay it down on a house in Fallarbor.

He touched the doorbell ever so lightly, and he went off, with the kid lying down on the front porch. The man felt weird leaving a kid alone, he didn’t even know if the kid’s new owners were home, and he felt scared for the girl lying in the basket. But sooner or later, the owners had to open the door, and when they did, they would know that they had a new kid in the family.

As the man in the cloak left, the baby awoke, not knowing where she was. She started crying, and unfortunately, the man was a little too far from hearing. The man wanted her to stay alive, and in order to do that, the new owners had to open the door. The baby could be stolen, but this girl, who had a bad past behind her already, needed to stay alive, as this girl was special.

The door opened, the man seeing, and being happy. The face of the owners was full of shock; they picked open the letter that was attached to the blanket the baby was holding and read it. This kid was now legally theirs. The man standing there called over his wife, and the woman was so delighted. The man said to the girl, “We have our first child. We shall name her, Alexandria.”

The baby smiled at the family, as she was picked up, rocked, and looked delighted. The girl who was now Alexandria was now owned by a man and wife, both clean looking, and hopefully both nice people. Alexandria’s life was depending on them, but unfortunately, the parents didn’t know what was special about her. When was the minister or the man in the green cloak going to tell them?

The special girl was onto the nice brown couch, and now going asleep again, the special girl had the future with her new parents. It wasn’t expected having fame and fortune, like she could’ve had with her normal parents, but her life could be nice with these parents. She was only a few months, didn’t know about herself, and not even her own parents.


I was surprised. Even though I was a foster child, my life wasn’t bad and horrible. It was in fact a nice life. I wasn’t abused, and was treated like a regular teenager. As much as I wanted to know my real parents, I was fine as I was right now. I was now sixteen and nothing strange in my life have happened so far. Well, one thing has, and only one. My Golduck could understand what I said, and it seemed it talked to me. It was weird, but I knew it was just something since I had a small headache the same morning, in fact all the mornings it had happened.

The morning was full of glee. I was going to be turning seventeen, and according to my foster parents, they were going to be treating me like a lady. This meant I could stay out later, which was so nice for me. I couldn’t wait to be free, and I couldn’t wait to be a lady. Having a perfect life at sixteen, and now going to seventeen, it was going to only be better for me. I couldn’t wait for this to happen.

That morning my mother, nice enough, created a huge breakfast. It was full of my favorites, eggs, bacon, and a whole plate of the best dish I’ve ever had, which was the special pasta Catherine, my foster mother, made. I ate it quickly enough in time to read my book, before anyone came and started the party. I read a quick chapter, until I heard a doorbell. Unfortunately, Catherine went out for last-minute shopping, and Joseph, whom was Catherine’s husband, was asleep, awaiting guests to come. He said he was going to open the door when someone came, but he did not, so I had to.

I opened it up, and strange enough, a man with a small goatee as well as wearing a long, green cloak came to my doorstep. I could’ve sworn I knew him somehow, but then I didn’t. He was a complete stranger to me, but he looked so familiar, I felt weird. He adjusted himself into the house, where I directed him to the couch Catherine and Joseph owned.

“This couch, I can’t believe they still own it. I remember the couch seventeen years ago, on June 15.” the man told me, which caught my attention. June 15, was the day that Catherine and Joseph claimed me as their foster child. I sat down right beside him, with a look of confusion in my face. I was right. He was familiar, but then again I still didn’t know who the heck he was.

“June 15, are you sure? I was Catherine’s and Joseph’s child that exact night. What had happened that day to you?” I told him, and I still was thinking who the man was. I saw a small segment of his smile, while he rubbed his goatee, and opened his mouth, but no words coming out of it. I looked at him, and the mouth opened again, and then started to talk.

“That morning, I left you on this doorstep. I, Alexandria, was the one who gave you to this home. My name is Kingsley, but I wish you to address me as Sir Kingsley, or Sir, now, if you have a question while I explain this, tell me.” he said, ready to talk once more, “I am sure this will confuse you, but I am sure you need to know this, at the morning you will be a ‘lady’.

He took a gulp, and he was ready to talk. He took a pause, allowing me to breathe, in which I did quickly, not wanting to have to wait at all to hear this all. With all this eagerness in me, I couldn’t wait to hear this story. It might be about Catherine or Joseph, or even more likely than that, a story about me, this little seventeen year old girl, or should I say, ‘lady’.

“Okay, Alexandria, you are kind of a Pokémon. You see, your parents and you were hit by Pokémon genes the day you were found. You’re parents were found to be transformed into Pokémon, not dead. You, luckily, didn’t, and are now here because of it. Bad part about it is we cannot still find your parents after tracking them down for a long time. Which is where you come in, what you will do is help our squad find them, all over Hoenn. We have a feeling they will be a pair Pokémon, but not sure which ones they are.” he said, as my jaw dropped. The secret was revealed. I couldn’t believe it.

“Well, that’s crazy! But I can live with it, but… how do I have to help find them? I have no Pokémon except Golduck. That’s going to be enough for going around Hoenn, where all of these bad Team Aqua and Team Magma members live?” I asked, which made Kingsley smile. He liked to smile, as I could find, and he was a nice guy, and he was telling my whole life story.

“Now, now, I have thought about it. You will be with two other people. You guys are going to find them around Evergrande, where you can have time to tell your foster parents about this, and celebrate your seventeenth birthday. I will be here at six PM precise, so get packed before then. I will fly you over to Evergrande at six.” he told me, and he left.

I had no more questions, just thoughts. I couldn’t believe this all, I wouldn’t want to leave Catherine and Joseph, but then again, to find my real parents is always what I wished for in life. I didn’t have any idea how to explain this, and I didn’t know what I would think about the other two I would be with. Hopefully, they were in the same situation, because I wouldn’t want to feel weird.


The rest of my birthday party was full of me thinking about what’s going to happen next. I had to tell Catherine and Joseph still, but I was still wording it in my head, and I had to think about it. They would be as surprised as I was, and I only hoped they would understand. I just couldn’t wait; to meet my parents and all, and I thought it was quite worth leaving Catherine and Joseph for a time.

I went up to the two of them, catering guests and all. But this couldn’t wait; I had to talk to them. The two of them smiled at me, and I heard Joseph tell me, “Happy birthday, lady.” I gave a thanks smile, and then went off, ready to tell them the secret. I was still wording it a little in my head, I just couldn’t tell them somehow. It was a little too hard for me to do it. I got a little done, and decided to open my mouth. I was ready to tell my foster parents what I heard from Kingsley, and I would have to do it now.

“Catherine, Joseph, I’m part Pokémon. Well, I know now what happened to my parents. They were transformed into Pokémon, they didn’t die. Now, I’ll have to leave to help a group find them. You see, I want to find them so ba-.” I tried to say, but was stopped by Joseph, putting his hand on my shoulder, and then going to talk for himself, and tell me something.

“I know. Kingsley, if I’m correct, told me and Catherine over here also. We support this, hon. We want you to find your parents also. I want you to be as happy as you can be, and I know this will make you as happy as ever.” he told me, and I gave out a big smile. Something about my smile made them smile, and they simply allowed me to do it. I just couldn’t wait to go on the search for my parents. I just wanted to see them so much, I couldn’t even wait. I loved my parents, and this opportunity I received was just about the best. I had a chance to meet my parents, a chance I never knew I would get.

I walked over to get a drink of punch, and sipped it alone by myself. I wanted to be in private once more, and I saw that it was five o’clock. I had one hour to pack before Kingsley returned, so I ran upstairs to my room, and opened my closet. Out I pulled all of my essentials, and really fast, as I wanted time to finish my book before I left, as I would have near no time if I was gone. As I read the last few pages, I closed the book. I heard a doorbell once more, and I saw that it was exactly six o’clock, and Kingsley was outside the door. I ran downstairs, as swift as can be.

There he was in the front door, with Catherine and Joseph greeting him. I heard Joseph call my name, and I greeted Kingsley myself. I smiled at him; and he led me outside, giving two more kisses to both Catherine and Joseph. I went outside with Kingsley now, on the way to Evergrande now, as I would now find the two other people who were going to come with me to find my parents. I couldn’t wait, and I was thinking about how they would be as Kingsley was taking out his Pokéball, containing his Pidgeot. The Pokémon was out; he jumped on, as well as I did.

“Hold on to me tight!” he told me, as we started a way up. We were soaring, he probably told the other two that I was going to have to come around six o’clock, which might’ve been the reason we were flying so fast. I kept holding his shoulder hard, and we were soaring through Fallarbor now, all the way to Evergrande, even though it was a far place. We were getting there in no time, and I could see a figure of four people, two wearing different colored cloaks, like Kingsley had been wearing. The four were waving at me, whereas I waved to them also.

Kingsley and I jumped off, and we went to meet the others. One was a girl, like me, who looked about my age. The other was a boy, who looked about a year taller than me, judging by his height. The girl was very pretty as I thought, and the boy looked like he was a jokester, with his goofy curly hair style, and his average look. The man who was beside the girl wore a red cloak, and the one beside the boy wearing a blue one. I got to meet two people, who I now knew were foster child, much like me, and I hoped we would get to be friends.


Meeting together for the time was boring. No one was talking, there was just a wave fest happening. The men in cloaks engaged in conversation, and I was thinking they wanted us three too as well. I moved over near them, as they also did to me. The other girl and I both sat on the Pidgeot, and then started smiling to each other. The boy, standing, was beginning to talk.

“I’m Grant, hi. And you two?” he asked, not as much as I expected. With his puffy hair, a kid like that would always babble on when I was talking to them, but this guy was different. I liked that, as the other way was surely annoying. He seemed to be shy, which once again, I wasn’t used to based on how he looked. I hoped he would get more outgoing later, so I can make friends with him and the other girl.

The girl spoke up. “I am Rochelle. Rochelle Walker. I’m a foster child out to find my parents, is this the same situation you guys are in. I was with the man in the red cloak, and my birthday was a week ago.” she said. She had a rather light voice, the rather opposite of mine. She was a preppy girl, most like the people in the school. I normally didn’t like them, but this girl might’ve been different.

“Alexandria. Yes, I am looking for my parents also. It’s my birthday today. Unfortunately, the man in the green cloak, Kingsley, thought of it as a birthday surprise. I can speak Pokémon. It’s weird, and I couldn’t believe it. Did that happen to you guys, or did something else happen?” I asked which I seemed to have finally spoken up. I smiled once again, as it took another few seconds for the boy to answer.

He did. “No, it was different. I don’t even know. The man in the blue cloak, Roak, thought it was best not to tell. I don’t think that was the smartest idea, in fact, I think that bloke is out of his mind.” said the boy, now apparent his name was Grant. He smiled once more, there was something about our chat that someone smiled after they talk, strange, but as I was also doing it, I wouldn’t call it strange.

The girl didn’t talk, and I didn’t either. As the non-talking was still taking place, Kingsley, Roak, and the man in the red cloak came over. They were all smiling, and it looked as if they had finish whatever they were doing. It was planning something for us, or something, but none of the three of us knew what it was all about. Roak muttered, “Dovar, you tell them.” And I then was sure Dovar was the man in the red cloak. He took a step over Roak and Kingsley now, and gave out a little cough, which to Grant seemed fake.

“Now, children, we know what you’re here for. Or at least I hope so. You three will have to travel together with each of your one Pokémon, kept as a team. Once the parents are found, it should be made sure you call us with the phone Roak has given you, Grant. Now, we shall leave soon, we have an appointment with our own mentors, but we will keep in touch with you guys. Call us each on Saturdays, so we know you’re fine. Please, please, make sure you guys get along, I want you guys to find your parents.” said the man, and our task was told.

I was now with the other two to find my parents, my real parents. It looked as Grant was, and maybe Rochelle too. But I really wanted to find mine and whether these two were going to help me or not, I will. I hoped we would find all six parents, and it would be nice for us. I couldn’t wait to find my parents, and if they weren’t there, I would still be glad to see Rochelle and Grant, if they do, find their parents. In a few minutes, three teenagers would be along in Hoenn, in searched to find their parents, Dead or Alive…

01-18-2008, 05:23 AM
The mentors were gone by then, and it was us three. We had to create a plan, but with no help. Heck, we didn’t know how to do this all. It was going to be hard for us, for sure, but we were going to find our parents, like we had come for. I didn’t want to start the discussion; I was never good at it. I waited for either Grant or Rochelle to start it, but they didn’t want to also.

“So, what are we going to start searching? Should we see each other’s Pokémon to see if we can work well together? Here, I can take out my Pokémon. Come on out, Galdar!” I told them, but for a reason, when I said “Galdar”, they looked confused. “Galdar is my Golduck, as you can see.” I added as my Golduck, Galdar, came out of its Pokéball and out into the green of Evergrande. I waited to see if Grant and Rochelle were to catch on.

“Here it is, my Swellow! Selia, come on out! Don’t be shy; there are other Pokémon over here!” said Rochelle, who was in her light voice. I was right, she was a preppy person; and I was fine with it. If she was going to help me find my parents, I couldn’t care less about her voice, or how weird I thought she was. She was going to be nice to me, and I would to her, soon.

Grant was ready to take his Pokéball out of his pocket. He was searching, checked his other, and his back pocket. It sounded as he whispered to himself as he was looking, and then remembered something, and then ran to his backpack. He picked up the Pokéball, glad to find it. Rochelle and I were laughing, and he was laughing at himself also.

“Sorry about that. Here we are, come on now, Salazar!” he told us, and out came a Scizor. The Scizor, apparently Salazar, was zooming in a fast pace, and Rochelle and I could barely see it running. It came over back to Grant, who was now holding it on its shoulder. Salazar was showing off, and at the same time, looking at my Golduck. He kept doing it more, and it looked like it wanted to impress Galdar.

“Great! I noticed that Selia, that Swellow of yours, can fly us around. I’m rather good at swimming, so I can swim myself, and Galdar can swim you guys and stuff. We can also use Salazar for running and stuff, and it also seems to be a great battler. Good, isn’t it? We’re fine now, we need to know which places we are going to head now that we have a team set. We’re going to start with one place, and work on theories from people around.” I told them, in a very fast voice. We had a great team, and I was more eager and eager to see my parents. I just couldn’t wait.

“That’s nice. Well, we should figure the stuff out right now. I think we should get a map, I think I have one.” Grant said, going to his backpack again, and he picked up a map, and it was a rather good one of Hoenn, “See, this is Evergrande, and here is Hoenn, obvious enough. Well, we need to know what places to go, like you said, Alexandria, so where are we off to?”

The chat was then going on and on, with all of our ideas popping out and talking, we decided where to go first. Apparently, it was nowhere near Fallarbor, I couldn’t be able to see Joseph and Catherine, but it was Sootopolis, an enjoyment to be. I loved water, and Sootopolis had it. I couldn’t wait, we were going to be able to find my parents, hopefully. I just couldn’t wait.


The route to Sootopolis, we had decided to swim there. Unfortunately, Swellow was being a little too stubborn to fly us for the time being, so we had to swim. I was swimming without anything, as well as Grant, but Galdar brought Rochelle to follow us. She was complaining about how her dress was getting wet, but Grant and I couldn’t care less. We were talking to each other, as well as Rochelle, who was screaming it out. She didn’t think we could hear her over the so called loud waters and waves, but we definitely could.

“Sootopolis is awesome! I just love Wallace! I can’t wait to see him!” shouted Rochelle, who rather was a little too in love to hold onto Galdar. Galdar tried his best and was struggling to hold onto Rochelle, but it was looking too hard. Rochelle was screaming, as slowly, she was falling off. She shouted out for Grant and me, but we couldn’t hear her as we were too far. Galdar was shouting also, which caught the attention, as it was a loud scream.

We swiftly swam over back to her, and we as Grant was holding Galdar from trying to get Rochelle herself, as I was diving down to her. I could see a Sharpedo nearing, and I was out to save her. I pulled her out, and jumped up from the sand and dived all the way up. I had given Rochelle to Grant, and had taken Galdar. I breathed, and went down with Galdar. Time to show what we were going to have to do with the Sharpedo, and it was going to be good. All we needed to do with it was simple. It was going to be easy.

“Galdar, go with the punches, and freeze it off! Come on!” I managed to tell Galdar, and even though I thought it, Galdar had done so. One punch, another, another, and frozen! Galdar had swum back up, as I gave it a small symbol as I did also. We went up with Grant, and he was doing a little breathing exercise with Rochelle, who she was freaking out. I held Rochelle also, as it seemed as she was freezing.

“Why is the water so cold, did something happen, Alex?” asked Rochelle, who I could barely hear, as she was freezing cold, and couldn’t talk well in the cold. She was chattering her teeth, and I nodded a no. She shrugged, and off we went to swim again. Grant did also, who now instead was on the opposite side of Galdar I was, and we were both holding Rochelle.

“Thanks, guys. You guys are so nice, and you saved my life. I could’ve gone unconscious; it was hard for me to hold my breath. I still have no idea why it’s so cold, but I think I can take it to find our parents.” She smiled, and then started chattering her teeth again. Grant and I both gave thumbs up at the same time, and all three of us started laughing. Soon to Sootopolis!


Reaching Sootopolis was done. We were there, finally. We had left Rochelle into the Pokémon Center to warm off; she just couldn’t stand staying outside the Pokémon Center, where it had been cold also. Grant and I had walked over and bought donuts, where we three had been eating, along with our Pokémon. We had not done progress in Sootopolis, but it still was an early morning, and by the afternoon Rochelle, Grant and I would be off towards the Cave of Origin to investigate what Pokémon had been.

While on our way, Rochelle, Grant, and I had been talking about what Pokémon we had wanted. Rochelle had a passion for a Swablu, a rather sucker for all flying-typed Pokémon. Grant was into strong Pokémon, so he was looking for a Rhyhorn or an Aron, which he had been wishing to catch and evolve them into much stronger Pokémon. I didn’t favor too many Pokémon, but I had hopes in looking for a rather cute Pokémon. Galdar had enough cute with him, I loved him, but I wanted another one. It had to be strong too.

“There it is, the Cave of Origin. I don’t know all of the Pokémon there, but I hope a Rhyhorn and Aron are there. And Swablu might be there, or not, I don’t know, Rochelle. And Alexandria, I’m not sure about cute Pokémon. I mean, I’m a boy, it’s not like I care about cute Pokémon. I love tougher Pokémon, you know, the killing ones,” said Grant, rushing his way into the cave. Rochelle’s pace was slower than the both of us, and she had to rush and makes mini-strides on her way. She looked so peppy with her clothes, less what I had.

My long, black hair was as messy as ever, unfortunately, the water was out from last night’s water show. My clothes had been washed, and had changed into a fresh tank top and a skirt for the sunny morning. My hazel eyes had an essence of sleepiness in them, and my skin complexity, tan and all, had been looking the normal color it had been always. Rochelle, who was all clean, was rather opposite of me. Grant was his regular look, but then again, he hadn’t cared how he looked, and he just wanted a Pokémon.

In the entrance of the huge cave, Grant, Rochelle, and I had paid the small fee to enter. Rochelle, a rich and wealthy female, had her money all in cash. I had paid the money I had, keeping all the money, a big amount, Catherine, Joseph, and all the people who attended my birthday had given to me. Grant didn’t have to pay, as I insisted. He paid for the donuts we had eaten earlier, and I didn’t want him to spend more. Entering the Cave of Origin, Grant had turned on the flashlight, revealing the blood-sucking Pokémon Rochelle was afraid of.

Grant had run to where most Rock and Steel Pokémon stood, followed up by Rochelle running to a flying Pokémon, which I had known as a Pidgey. She had been playing with it, with them to leaving me alone. I had walked around, looking at all the Pokémon staring at me, walking past. I saw a few people there, digging and catching Pokémon. I felt a slight tickle in my foot, which I shook off. I had continued walking, and started looking at some Pokémon, like Aron, who Grant had been looking at also, and a Taillow, where Rochelle’s Swellow had been playing with.

And then, I felt a slam. I was slammed on the wall, with intense pain in my back and my head. I could feel my hand bleeding and dripping on whatever had slammed me. I could also hear panting and screaming, while footsteps had been coming over towards the scene I had been in. Daring to look, I had seen Grant, far ahead and with Scizor beside him, and also Rochelle, far behind, but Selia ahead, near Salazar. I dared to look in the Pokemon's eye, which was now a Primeape, who I had figured had run to Grant. I was glad, that I wasn't hurt, so I ran towards Rochelle, who had Selia to bring me comfort.

"Thanks, guys. It's my turn for being thankful, right, Rochelle?" I joked. The two laughed, with Grant then noticing the vicious Primeape in front of him. His Scizor, who had looked like it was laughing at the small joke, had then remembered with the case of his master looking. He had looked, from his laughing status, into a battle status. He was then ready to attack, with a fierce look, but he awaited his master's order, while Primeape was ready.

The Primeape, so close to Scizor, has been fighting in combat, with his guard low. While Scizor was defending himself surely, it was also one of the greatest time to attack him back. Waiting for Grant's signal, Primeape had missed and hit several attacks thrown, which had left Scizor still up.

"Come on! Night Slash! What perfect time," Grant exclaimed, forcing the Scizor to listen.

With its first chance, with speed Scizor had gained (Grant had told me, it was faster than most Scizor after long weeks of practice with him), it had run, and cut the Pokemon with a slash so cunning. The attack was just hit the moment Grant had commanded with it, and I was such a Pokemon. It looked nice, and I was glad to see it. Scizor was good, and now the Primeape was in damage, much like Scizor. At the moment, it looked as if Grant wanted to catch it. I mean, he had wanted a tough Pokemon, and this sure was one.

Primeape used the chance to attack now. His attack had done some damage to himself, resulting in Scizor hurting him with great force. He had felt slightly weak, but he didn't let it take over him. Primeape then decided to use a move that I remember Joseph having on his Hariyama, Rage. The attack started off weak, while the furious Pokemon had gave a Scizor such a light slap on the back, not doing too much damage, seeing the result of Scizor's face.

"Awesome! But be careful, Scizor, it might get worse next turn. This time, use your might bug attack, X-Scissor! I won't waste training this move for nothing!" he shouted, this time with a much louder voice. He looked and seemed so into it, I wished him having this Pokemon, even though it had nearly killed him. It looked like Rochelle was rooting for him too. We both wanted him to catch this Primeape. And with Scizor, he could.

At the moment, I had turned around. Rochelle, who had used Selia, was in a battle herself. I was caught up into watching this one now, which the Pokemon was Shroomrish. I'm glad this Pokemon didn't kill me, and like I knew, Rochelle caught a cute Pokemon, though, strange enough it wasn't a flying Pokemon. I was guessing they had just started, as Selia was right next to me a few minutes ago, and I watched.

Shroomrish went first, as Selia wasn't such in the mood, and was more patient than the three of us. The little mushroom of a Pokemon had slammed hard-shelled seeds into Selia, who was flying around, and getting hurt. It inflicted poor damage, considering the type Swellow had been. This wouldn't be tough, as Flying Pokemon would kill such a small, and a grass Pokemon, and I knew both of them would catch their wanted Pokemon.

"Selia, use your powerhouse move! Air Slash, now!" she said, excited. Her Swellow nodded in agreement, and then got ready for her vicious attack.

She had used a blade, made up of the air, that had sliced Shroomish. The little Pokemon had given a little twitch from the aftermath, while the type advantage took over it. While it was hurt, the Pokemon twitched a little more, then falling onto the ground with the aftermath of the attack. The Pokemon was hurt, and now that it was down, Selia and Rochelle could then catch their Pokemon.

"Pokeball, let's go! Catch the Pokemon!" said the two of them, in sync. It was funny, the two of them threw their Pokeballs after looking at one another and smiling at us. The Pokemon had been caught into the little device. Dinging from both of them, Grant's first, then Rochelle's. I turned my eyes zigzagging to see both of them, and one... two... three. The epic feeling in my stomach made it hard to feel happy for them, and I tried saving the blood, which I had nearly forgotten.

With both of them having a fierce look in their eyes, I wished the best for them. I wanted them to catch it, although I wasn't sure about Grant. He wanted the Pokemon tough, but would it be good if that Pokemon nearly killed me? As much as I liked the thought of Primeape, I thought the Pokemon was evil, and the Pokemon and I wouldn't get along. The Pokemon was still great, I liked it, and I also like the cute, little Shroomish.

Reserved for Pikahero2 Crystal Pikachu :3

Crystal Pikachu
02-17-2008, 08:24 PM
Plot / Introduction

So, they have to find their parents, eh? I LOVED THIS PLOT! I just thought it was so interesting, I can really see the effort put into this, instead of walking away from the usual "trainer find Pokémon" thing, you completely covered that and didn't leave a trace of it. I thought the plot was extremely original, you didn't need to elaborate it anymore, I could see enough effort has been put into it. You added quite a few twists and turns in it also. I thought it was going to be like a quest sort of thing, which is overused, but when you told it from the Pokémons point of view at times, and when you were just introduction characters you didn't crack the flow much. Remember, instead of breaking a flow by starting with something like this;

The beautiful sun gazed down upon the festive and colourful Pokémon Carnivale, -Crack!- there then was a trainer.


See? There was a nice thing going there, then bam, it broke into "then there was a trainer". That's something no one wants. It makes the story sound sort of messy. There were parts when I seen that, but when your started to break it, you came back and you filled it in. :)


Nice, but you just had the minimum for each one, 10k for Shroomish, and 20k for Primape. Length is not what matters, but just to make sure the story doesn't end too quick, try and aim for somewhere around 3k above the minimum, or in the middle. When you elaborate the plot, be creative with the battle and flesh out descriptions, you can add some length onto your story. This was fine, good job.

Spelling / Grammar

I'm not a nazi, not even close. xP This was really good, I can see you have more than a good grasp of grammar, all I spotted were some typos that MS word or a spellcheck wouldn't get, like "nut" when it should be "not". So you should try and proofread your work a couple of times, because you might skip some things. Just remember, if you proofread, you can correct your work and help with your grammar. You even remembered to add the "é" in Pokémon. Which saved me correcting a lot of mistakes. ^^:

We’re fine now,

There should be a semi-colon there instead of the comma.

. Rochelle, who was all clean, was rather opposite of me

"all clean" should be turned into "all-clean".

though, strange enough it wasn't a flying Pokemon.

It should be a semi-colon after "though" instead of a comma.

She had used a blade, made up of the air, that

I beleive that after "air", instead of "that"

I'll be honest, that's all the mistakes I really spotted, you did really well on here, so good job. :]

Description / Detail

Some of this was lacking, I felt you covered a lot of the aspects in description. You only left out two aspects to be precise, personality and smells. Personality is something people use, just not a lot of. Everytime an action is made, everytime something is done, everyone has a feeling cooked up inside them. I think you should add a "I'm happy" sort of thing everytime you do something like that. =3 Also, for smells; add something like "that horrible smell came" or something if anytime in your story a smell comes in. :D


This was pretty good, I felt that you had enough turns for Primape, but Shroomish I think could of put up a better fight, I mean. You have to use your surroundings and and anything that you can to be creative, a battle consists of usually one Pokémon or more battling against another, it should always be two sided in a match, both Pokémon have to put up a fight.


Nice job, the description was lacking in parts though, so Primape Captured, Shroomish not captured! Add some more description and you can have Shroomish too. ^^;

02-17-2008, 09:23 PM
I edited it, IMed him, and then...

Joemistro1 (2:22:43 PM): oh, take the Shroom!

If he needs to post, fine, he can. But I have the Shroom, he could confirm it if he needs to later.

Crystal Pikachu
02-17-2008, 09:36 PM
I approve of this captured. ^_^

02-23-2008, 06:16 PM
Thank the Wisp!

Part Two: A Little Fun for the Fosters!

Upon the two captures, with Shroomish and Primeape alongside, the team's bond grew, as well as our competitive battling ideas. But alas, I was a little jealous. Galdar, being so great, had been alone, and had four friends, but then I wanted my own new Pokemon. I wanted to push it along the battling, cute side as well, or pick even two Pokemon for my fantastic team. But still, I was on my mission, as well as Grant and Rochelle. But we also had lots of fun, and were great friends.

On this particular morning, we had been strolling around Lilycove, where we had arrived just a few minutes ago through a plane. Of course, it was my turn to pay, after Rochelle paying for our dinner last night, and Grant paying for new Pokemon items. Lilycove came to me as a beautiful place, and I loved it. Splashing along with Galdar, Shroomish (who was a horrible swimmer), and Rochelle, Grant had been watching us. He and Primeape had worked to do, he told us a lot, and he went to work as soon as we hit the beach.

This morning was rather normal, like usual, we had breakfast, and rented a hotel room, as we planned sleeping there a week or so. I had loved swimming, I had been so used to it. It went swift, we had been swimming for a while, and had played around. Grant had just finished, while he started swimming also, having a blast. We then had so much fun, and then someone strange had come. He was in such extravagant attire, and I wasn't sure what he was doing in a beach like that.

Don't bother grading, it's not close to done.