View Full Version : A New Beginning (Ready to be graded)

04-16-2005, 04:47 PM
Well I'm actually taking time to write a decent story. XD

“Saber! Saber honey, get up! You’ll be late!” Sabers mom’s voice flitted through the air upstairs to where a massive pile was sleeping, buried under a mountain of plushies and blankets, the pillow over it’s would-be head.

“Mhnmmmm………” The pile groaned, then bolted upright, the blankets and stuffed animals falling off it like water off a cliff. Once the pile had fallen off, it revealed a guy of about seventeen with long, dark brown hair, dressed in a long t-shirt that read: Eat at Joe’s

This was Lex, notorious snot of Pallet Town’s Pokemon School, and a soon to be pokemon trainer.

In about five minutes…

“Crap!” Lex swore under his breath, jumping out of bed. He hurriedly changed into a sleeveless blue shirt and his signature blue jeans with white and red shoes and blue socks. The boy then hurtled down the stairs, two at a time.

Saber’s mother was a pretty woman of about 30. With a pink apron, happy smile, and her Ivysaur house-helper at her side, there wasn’t a single chore Mom couldn't do. Saber gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and grabbed a piece of toast that lay in a heap on the table.

“Morning sweetie. How’d you sleep?” Mom asked.

“Horribly. I was too excited to sleep.” Saber mumbled truthfully through a mouthful of toast and sweatdropped.

“Oh, so that’s why you woke up late.” Mom giggled as she gave a bowl of milk to Ivysaur.

“Saur, Ivy, ivy……” The green pokemon smiled and slurped the milk happily.

“Yeah……..” Saber mumbled and gulped his orange juice. “Man, I better get going. Places to go, people to see.”

Mom giggled again. “You’ve grown so much. I’m proud of you. Now here’s you’re shoulder bag, I stocked it with everything you’ll need. Toothbrush, compass, some pokeballs I picked up, sleeping bag, extra underwear……..”

“Mom………” Saber flushed and grabbed his bag from the table.

Mom laughed and placed her sons white, wide brimmed hat on Saber’s head. “Don’t forget to call me when you get to Viridian City.”

“I won’t.” Saber hugged his mom tightly and then smiled. “See ya later!!” he smiled and then patted Ivysaur on the head as he raced out the door

04-16-2005, 04:57 PM
The late morning sun hung in the sky like a lazy, oversized glowing bug. It was too bright. It was too early.

The flower field slowly gave way to a dirt path that narrowed into Viridian City, the verdant town of nature. From what Saber could see, there was a Pokecenter up ahead. Beyond that, masses of small buildings and homes were gathered around the middle of the city, where the Viridian Gym awaited.

My Bulbasaur skipped ahead, happy to be able to get some food. “Bulba bul!!!!!!!”

“Hold up Bulbasaur! Geez…..you’re faster than you look with that bulb thing….seed…….green….growth…on your back.” Saber struggled for an accurate description of the Bulbasaur’s back ornament.

Saber started a little. He was standing before the Pokecenter as people busied past him, in and out of the sliding glass doors….

The boy smoothed his hair, then picked up Bulbasaur in his arms and walked inside the Pokecenter.

There were MASSES of trainers everywhere! People gathered from far and wide. Some tough looking, and some looked as if they just started out. Old and young, pretty and ugly, the list went on and on.

”Mhm. One day, we’ll be here and-“He was interrupted by a giant Chansey springing up in his face, nurse cap and all. It was right in his way.

“WHOA!” Saber fell backwards, his cap falling off.

“CHANSEY!” The pinkish, oval shaped Pokemon grinned happily and shoved the Egg from her pouch in the trainers face.

Saber obliged, returning the Pokemon as he back on his feet. The Chansey smiled and bounced off, startling other trainers and showing off its newly polished egg.

‘Psycho Pokemon…” Saber thought, glaring at it.

“Hey, you okay?” A familiar voice came from behind her, as the voice’s owner picked her hat up from the ground and offered its other hand to help her up.

Saber took it, and the person hauled him up. He came face to face with a smiling Jodi.

The boy flushed madly. “O-oh, Jodi! Hi! What are you doing here? I thought you….left.”

Jodi shook her head. “I got all the way to Viridian Forest, but Charmander was poisoned badly. I had to come back to heal him…” Her dark eyes traveled over to the emergency room light sign, which dictated that it was ‘occupied.’

Saber shifted a little. “I’m sorry, will he be alright?”

The boy looked back at her. “I’m sure he will. Charco is MY Charmander after all…” She smiled slightly and handed Saber his hat.

“Charco? That’s a cool name. Oh…thanks.” She placed the hat back on his head and looked over Jodi’s shoulder at someone across the center.

It was Kai.

He was sitting on the couch on the opposite end of the room, arms spread on the back, calculating eyes staring straight at her. There was a small sneer on his lips, and his Squirtle was mildly staring at Saber as well.

The boy shuddered. His glare could be so unnerving sometimes…

Jodi noticed she was looking at Kai and sighed. “Oh, well, I met up with Kai here too. I was thinking we could-“

“Hey, Bird-head! Catch any pokemon yet, or did they run away at the sight of your face?” Kai shot at Saber, and he flared.

“No, sorry, they all left before. You walked past see, and they died of the smell.”

Saber raised an eyebrow at Kai and inched away from him, eyeing the Squirtle weirdly in the process. his rival was the EXACT height he was, she hated that. If hewas only a little taller he could rub it in his face…

“UGH! My feet hurt, my head hurts, I’m thirsty and sweaty, and I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING!” Saber complained loudly, as I was walking through a large field of tall grass, parting it earnestly and looking for the Ekans. I was whipping up gusts and blowing apart grass, with no success.

I rolled my eyes. This was useless.

After a few hours of looking I knew that there were no Ekans around here. I was depressed because I had my sights on getting one. I began to leave the tall itchy grass when suddleny I had saw something in the corner of my eye.

I immediately assumed a shocked position as I saw a smooth, shiny, rounded purple Snake. “A Ekans I shouted!” Now was my chance.

04-16-2005, 08:38 PM
“Ekanns….” The Ekans dark pupils slid up to look at the human looming above.

Ah ha I will get you know I took out my Pokeball from my belt and called out Bulbasaur.

“Bulba!” it shouted. “Now Bulbasaur use your Vine Whip attack on its head!” I commanded. Little vines began to fly out of Bulbasaurs bulb and went straight for Ekans head. Ekans quickly turned around and noticed it was about to be hit with an attack.

The Ekans quickly hid in the rough tall thick grass, “Where did it go?” “Go find it Bulbasaur!” I said. Bulbasaur ran into the thick grass I could see the grass bending and folding as it chased the purple snake.

After a while Ekans had appeared from the immense grass Bulbasaur quickly followed. Suddenly Ekans turned around and opened its huge mouth two large fangs appeared.

“Look out Bulbasaur it’s going to use its Bite attack!” I shouted.

The snake leaped for Bulbasaur and placed its huge fangs into Bulbasaur’s bulb on its back. “Bulbasaur try a Vine Whip again!” I said.

The vines quickly shot out this time it was a hit, the vines had hit Ekans right on the head causing Ekans too fall back. Ekans quickly retaliated with it opening its mouth and began to shoot thousands of tiny needles.

“Look out Bulbasuar it’s using Poison Sting!” I shouted.

Bulbasaur tried to dodge the attack but was unsuccessful the needles went straight into Bulbasaur’s belly. Bulbasaur fell on its back while Ekans was planning to strike again, the snake quickly raced over towards Bulba and took its long body and began to wrap Bulbasaur. It was tightening its grip on Bulbasaur, when suddenly Bulba took its vines and lifted Ekans right off of itself.

“Now Bulbasuar use Razor Leaf!” I shouted.

Bulbasuar shout out seven razor sharp leaves and struck Ekans with them. Ekans was startled and fell back.

“Now’s our chance Bulbasaur use Solar Beam!” I commanded.

Bulbasaur’s bulb began to open up and light started to filter into its back, Ekans got back up and quickly began to crawl back towards Bulbsaur.

“Hurry Bulbasaur and use Solar Beam!” I screamed.

Suddenly a bolt of light shout out of Bulbasaur’s back and quickly went straight towards Ekans. It hit Ekans on the head; the hit was so hard it shook the grass all around us. Ekans fell back and hit the earth hard.

“Now’s my chance, go Pokeball!” I said.

I reached for the small ball attached to my belt and threw it right onto Ekans, light appeared and Ekans went right into the tiny ball. The ball began to shake was Ekans captured?

Tamer San
04-17-2005, 09:44 AM
Story- I liked it, not a bad one even though it was very clearly and simply a find-and-catch story. There was not much of a plot but the way you detail was fine and the length is ok as well.

Reality- It can happen in Pokemon world =P

Spelling/Grammer- Didn't notice much...typical typos only =D

Battle- The battle is short, you could have done more for Ekans, especially that same type mons take time to take down each other ^^

OUTCOME- Ekans not capture, BUT, if you added one post after this one continuing the battle, it is a capture. and I will grade it ^^...

The Elite Ygseto
04-17-2005, 02:46 PM
If you don't mind, can i plop in a few sugestions.

- These things have to be fairly long. Mine are usally 5 pages in MS Word.

- I knowticed that most of the story was mostly dialouge, try adding more action.

- There usally has to be more of a story line rather than find-n-cacth, even if its dumb.

- Battle has to much longer, also try having the pokemon so some small things that you don't order. Ie.

Ekans sent out a barage of poison missles from its saber lined mouth.

Ivysuar, still trying to get back into the battle after the last Solar Beam he sent out, quickly dodged the oncoming attack.

"Good move Ivysuar," Saber said grateful that Ivysuar moved in time. "NOw use razor leaf..."

You get the basic idea from that.

Tamer San
04-17-2005, 04:26 PM
Thanks for suggestions Ygseto, but thats mostly what I have said =\

04-17-2005, 09:33 PM
Ok this posts adds onto my last. Hopefully this is good enough for a catch.

Suddenly a bolt of light shout out of Bulbasaur’s back and quickly went straight towards Ekans. It hit Ekans on the head; the hit was so hard it shook the grass all around us. Ekans fell back and hit the earth hard. Quickly Ekans got back up and began to bolt towards Bulbasaur; the snake sprung its head back and glanced into Bulbasaurs eyes.

“Look out Bulbasaur it’s going to use Glare try not to look into its eyes!” I shouted.

Bulbasaur let out its vines from its green bulb and covered its eyes with them. The Glare had failed.

“Bulbasaur Tackle it!” I screamed.

Bulbasuar began to pick up speed and fiercely leaped into Ekans’s body causing a force so hard that it took down Ekans into the thick grass. Ekans was looking pretty tired, it had cuts and scratches all over its body. I don’t think Bulbasaur can finish it off. Ekans crawled out of the grass and slithered near Bulbasaur. It opened its veracious mouth and the two fangs began to show again dripping with poison.

“Bulbasaur look out for this next attack it could be fatal.” I commanded.

Ekans cocked its head back and shot out a purple glob of poison towards Bulbasaur, it looked liked poison had been shot out of a cannon it was so powerful. Bulbasaur gained up all the strength it could muster and dodged the mighty attack.

“Nice job Bulba now prepare yourself and get ready for your next attack use Solar Beam again” I shouted.

Bulbasaurs bulb on its back began to shine brightly again it looked like the sun was right on its back. Ekans quickly knew what was coming and went attack Bulbasaur. But Ekans was too late Bulbasaur let loose the fierce beam of light onto Ekans causing it to fall into the grass, leaving a place where he had fallen.

“Now we have it, Tackle it one more time Bulbasaur!” I commanded.

Bulbasaur ran towards Ekans and rushed its head right onto Ekans.

“Ekkkkkkans!” The snake screamed.

“Now’s my chance, go Pokeball!”

I reached for the small ball attached to my belt and threw it right onto Ekans, light appeared and Ekans went right into the tiny ball. The ball began to shake was Ekans captured?

Tamer San
04-18-2005, 09:24 AM
Well done VT ^^

OUTCOME- Ekan captured...take good care of this Team Rocket's trademark Pokemon and have fun :wink:

The Elite Ygseto
04-19-2005, 02:33 AM
Tamer: A little, I was elaborating on them more. Helping to explain the advice you gave.

Congrats VT.

Tamer San
04-19-2005, 07:48 AM
Thanks anyway Ygseto ^^