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View Full Version : Gible! The Aqua/Magma Showdown! (PG)


ChthonicAustrian
01-29-2008, 04:10 PM
~GRADED~
Thanks pikahero2~

Wanted Pokemon: Gible
Difficulty Level: Complex
Character Count: 34,709

Needed Characters: 30k-50k

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“News reports are informing everyone to stay indoors, and keep their Pokemon away from one another, considering that the circumstances of this fatal virus have become extraordinarily versatile, it has a possibility of jumping from human to Pokemon, back to human once again. Please - until this has become solved - please stay indoors and away from anyone.”

That was the news broadcast that aired a year ago. Now, well, now I presume that I can just say on behalf of most of humanity that we regret never listening to that emergency broadcast.

-----

My pulse was caught deep within my throat. I felt on the edge- my adrenaline viciously pulsating throughout my body, my eyes thickly dilated in the darkness of the Wayward Cave. The heavy trotting of hooves by my side and the thick, shaggy fur occasionally brushing at my side reassured me that Taurisan, my Tauros, was keeping by my side. He snorted occasionally, his three tails frequently lashing and whipping out behind him as his own nerves jerked restlessly.

I placed my hand in his thick, unshorn mane, and gently guided him behind a towering mass of stalagmites, cowering low to the ground. I heard him settle himself uneasily next to me, keeping still and silent.

He snorted uneasily as we heard the hard, echoing footsteps of what sounded like many people. I gasped softly as a thick plume of ruby red fire streaked overhead. The light cast eerie shadows and made the figures of the Pokemon and people in their ragged clothing all huddled amongst one another.

The Pokemon bellowing the fire had been a Charmeleon, its own crimson skin seemed to ignite once it had hissed out another stream of flames that licked at the overhead stalactites. The fire on its tail intensified, and the rag-tag appearance of the half a dozen people huddled behind it could now be seen.

There were four men, and two women. One of the women had a bloodcurdling Gliscor hovered by her shoulder, with dark eyes that menacingly darted around the cave. A Crobat and a Golbat hovered overhead, continuously gaping their mouths repeatedly as they searched using their supersonic waves. The Crobat hesitated as it faced the group of stalagmites Tauros and I had been hiding behind.

The woman with the Gliscor formed a smug grin; she pushed a white-blonde lock of her curly hair from her face, her dark green eyes glinting threateningly. I narrowed my eyes as I could just make out the burned mahogany shaded outfit she had in tattered remains across her body - Team Magma, or, what was left of it would be more appropriate.

“Hey, Ryuko,” she hissed to the woman next to her. The woman had deep oriental features, her jet black hair framed her powdery white face, and her thin dark eyes had the same evil glare in their depths.

“Come out and play, little girl!” The blonde woman cooed her voice high and daunting as she strained her voice into a sing-song tone.

I held my breath nervously, and Taurisan stared ahead with wide eyes and a slightly trembling backside. I slowly and silently placed my hand comfortingly across his cheek, grasping hold of his heavy ivory horn.

“We won’t hurt you!” One of the men added in, as they all soon broke down laughing at his remark. I shifted my gaze to him. Much like Ryuko, he had dark oriental features, and high, strong cheekbones. He, too, wore a dilapidated Team Magma uniform.

One of the men, with fiery red hair, bent low to pick up a fist-sized rock. He hurtled it at one of the stalagmites the two Bat Pokemon fluttered by, and the top of the jutting cone-like rock shattered, as dirt and heavy rocks rained down on Taurisan and I.

Taurisan shot up, shaking his great body and snorting irritably. How lucky am I to have such a short-tempered Pokemon? I miserably thought as I stood up next to Taurisan.

“Hey, little girl,” the blonde Team Magma member cooed, keeping her high-pitched voice mockingly sweet.

“What do you want?” I snapped, “I have no food, no water. If you’re looking for any provisions then you’re on your own, I’m just barely getting by, myself.”

The red-haired man laughed heartily, his deep voice bellowing deep within the darkness of the cave. “Food? You think that we really want food?”

My voice seemed caught in my throat, “What do you want then?” I managed to croak uneasily.

“That’s Team Magma business, you filthy little brat.” The blonde Team Magma member snapped, her emerald eyes blazing in agitation.

I remained silent, exchanging the foul glares that they were casting me. I didn’t know what to say - these people were young, mean, and violent. They were armed with many Pokemon, considering each of the six had six Poke Balls on their belts, while I only had my own six Pokemon, who wouldn’t match up with these hot-tempered, abused Pokemon with a passion to fight and draw as much blood as possible.

I stepped forward and heard Taurisan snort irritably, rearing his head back and stamping the earth beneath our feet. I suddenly had an idea, as I glanced at the half-terrified, half-furious face of my Tauros.

“Taurisan,” I hissed to him, still staring at the Team Magma members as they leered at us, “Scary Face!”

Taurisan paused for a second, startled from the command. Its eyes grew fiery and it looked as if it had a ravenous thirst to fight. It charged forward to be in view of the strong, hot light of the Charmeleon’s tail, its face seemed to be growing more and more morbid, fiery and hot.

Taurisan bellowed loudly, the head-splitting cacophony made me cup my hands over my ears as the Team Magma members and their Pokemon shuddered from the great effect of the Tauros’ attack.

The Charmeleon fell to its knees, and although the Golbat and Crobat were affected, they still looked ready to rear up an attack.

“Taurisan, hurry!” I shouted as Taurisan’s great howl died down. He charged forward, his great burly frame always made him rather slow, but the effect of Scary Face slowed the other Pokemon down even more.

“Crobat and Golbat,” the dark-haired Team Magma man shouted as he helped the blonde Team Magma woman up, “give chase and once you catch up, show no mercy! Intoxicate them as much as possible, they can not leave this cave, we must take credit for her capture!”

The two Pokemon screeched out in acknowledgment, flying forward after Taurisan and me.

The damp, icy air of the cave made my lungs burn and cry out in protest, and I greedily gulped for air as I sprinted through the cave, my weak ankles shrieking in pain as they continuously twisted and maneuvered so I could keep a steady footing on the craggy ground beneath.

Taurisan panted in protest next to me, and I reached down to pull out his Poke Ball from my bag, but felt a sharp pang of fury, fear, and confusion as I only felt my own back behind me - my bag was gone.

“No!” I shouted to myself, “No, no!”

I felt the need to do something, anything, screaming even felt like a resolution. I had to continue running forward with my tiring Tauros, while those crazed grunts behind us could get into my bag. All my Pokemon, my items, my old letters from friends…

“No!” I screamed again, clenching my fists tightly as I continued forward, pounding the hard ground beneath me in fury and anxiety.

“Taurisan,” I panted tiredly, the Tauros looked up at me with wild eyes, its mahogany brown flank rapidly heaving in and out. “We can either keep running, or stay and fight back the Golbat and Crobat, what would you want?”

Taurisan snorted out viciously, his harsh breathing intensified from the short run. I nodded, still gasping for breath in the cold air of the cave, looking back I could just make out the dark silhouettes of the two Pokemon. Their wings flapped in the cave with such intense speed that it sounded like the low buzzing of a bug.

They screeched triumphantly as they spotted Taurisan and I, the Golbat gaped its mouth as it emitted a misty Haze attack.

The foggy attack settled around us, blinding us even more in the dark cave, I groaned suddenly as I realized they were regaining their great speed from Taurisan’s previous Scary Face attack.

“Taurisan, Rock Slide!” I suddenly thought.

Taurisan charged forward, thrusting its burly head against the cave’s opposite wall, as stalactites trembled and came raining down.

The Golbat shrieked inhumanly as one of the stalactites caught it by its wing and dragged it down to the ground.

The Crobat’s left wing was clipped, but the three wings kept it aloft as it hovered about, spewing great torrents of toxic sludge at Taurisan.

Taurisan stepped in one of the fizzing puddles, and roared out in pain as it ran forward, trying to shake the sickly purple poison from its hoof. The poison hissed and seemed to spread upwards, engulfing his leg.

He fell on his knee, bellowing and stomping at the ground furiously with his other three legs as he strained to stand up.

I strained my thoughts, there was no way that Taurisan could put up a fight against the Crobat if it were disabled like this, and Tauros can’t do many special attacks, either. I racked my mind for something, anything, and then felt a wave of memories pour over me.

My younger cousin had taught Taurisan Water Pulse shortly before the epidemic struck a year ago. I felt a wave of pain as I remembered how badly I’d scolded her for teaching Taurisan a special move when it was obvious that it was a physical attacker. I sighed briefly, pushing the nostalgic thoughts in the back of my head.

“Taurisan, try Water Pulse!” I commanded.

Taurisan looked up at me bewildered, before snorting in agreement. It gaped its mouth wide, its upper body convulsing as pulsating rounds of water of spiraled upwards towards the Crobat.

The pulsating rounds of the Water-type attack collided with the Crobat, colliding into it. It fell back a bit, but the weakness of the attack did very little damage, and the Crobat lurched forward to deliver a Leech Life attack on the backside of Taurisan.

Taurisan grunted out weakly, then fell to its knees, panting and whipping his tails as it would to a fly as the Crobat darted to and fro, sinking its razor-like canines into Taurisan repetitively, draining the hit points of Taurisan with great speed.

“Taurisan,” I shouted, I charged forward to Taurisan, who was now on his side, rapidly panting for breath as Crobat delivered one final blow. Taurisan quivered once more, before his head fell lax and he lay motionless on the floor.

Crobat reared back for another attack, I was about to pull Tauros over, despite his near two hundred pound weight, but the Crobat streaked forward, sinking its teeth hard into my leg.

I shouted out in pain and fury, feeling the tight clamping of the Crobat’s jaws against my leg, and felt fatigue wash over me, and a lack of stamina.

Darkness shrouded over my vision like the curtains being pulled shut on a marionette show, and I slumped forward into Taurisan’s dark, long mane.

-----

I felt something warm lick my face.

I giggled at the feeling, and scrunched my face up as I lifted my hand to push it away; it was probably just Glameow, anyway. She always liked to wake you up by licking your face.

Something warm and furry lay underneath me. Had I fallen asleep on Taurisan again? Oh well… he’s large and warm and strong… he wouldn’t mind at all.

Perhaps I’d fallen asleep in the living room. I tend to do that often, if the family is gathered around to watch a movie, I’ll lay back on Taurisan with my Pokemon cuddled near me and drift off near the end of the movie.

I’m surprised my older brother hadn’t rudely woken me up, he liked to do that. He’d even had his Granbull lick my foot one time and his Yanma would flutter over me, hovering in my ear to freak me out because he knew how much I hated the sound bugs made, and how paranoid they made me.

My eyes shot open. I wasn’t home, and I certainly wasn’t looking into the face of a Glameow.

Taurisan did lie underneath me, but as I regained consciousness I realized I wasn’t home. I couldn’t be home, I thought bitterly. Home was a mass of ashes along with other homes in our neighborhood, because of that virus that drove people insane.

I groaned as I sat up, Taurisan grunted and stirred beneath me. I looked down and saw that my pant leg had been pulled up across my knee and a bandage was clad against my calf. Taurisan had bandages as well, although they had covered most of his body.

I looked around, and realized I was in a bedroom.

I warily stood up, looking around. The bedroom was comfortable, homey even. The windows had been boarded up and sealed tightly, and I saw where Taurisan lay on a large queen sized-bed with a powdery blue quilt draped over it and an intricate design of a Milotic stretched gracefully over the oak headboard.

The room’s wallpaper was a moderate blue color, with many paintings and pictures of the sea and ships at ports. The oak dresser across the bed had a large mirror and I looked into it. I almost immediately felt revolted by my own appearance.

A year in the wild had certainly taken its toll. I stared back at my hazy powdery blue eyes and my disheveled sandy blonde hair. My usually pale complexion was now weathered from the countless hours in the sun, and my usual healthy-sized facial structures and cheeks were now sunken in, and my gaunt arms showed every lean bit of muscle I had.

I ran my fingers haphazardly through my hair which had grown several inches longer, reaching my upper back, and reached to open the brass handle of the door slowly. I managed to wrench it open, for it stuck a little, and looked outside.

I found myself looking into a small family room, where a man of dark hair and several weeks’ worth of unshaven stubble grew across his face. He wore a neat and tidy charcoal-colored overcoat with a chain hanging limply across his chest.

He looked up at me as he had a half-raised piece of bread into his wide mouth. He set the bread down, and studied me.

“I wouldn’t put too much weight on that leg if I were you, Crobat are nasty biters.” He said with a rather blunt tone, watching with pursed lips and thin, watery eyes as I uneasily shifted my weight to my normal leg.

“Sir? Uh, who exactly are you?”

“Survivor,” he said simply, shrugging nonchalantly. “That’s all you really need to know now, anyway.”

I furrowed my brow at him, and took a step forward as he gestured for me to sit across from him at the small table he sat at, where a large pile of papers lay askew across it.

“How did you find me? I just remember being in Wayward Cave… And these Team Magma survivors came… Then this Golbat and Crobat came after me and my Tauros…” I muttered, half to myself to refresh my memory. I then glanced at him, and felt my gaze trail off around me. This man must have obviously loved the sea, for he had many paintings and curios of ships and sea creatures and the like.

I fixed my gaze on him once more, and my eyes widened in disbelief, “Hey! Hey, I know you, you’re-”

“Hang on,” he said, gesturing for me to be silent as he pulled out an iron gray mobile phone that emitted a soft buzzing sound as it vibrated. He pulled it open and raised it to his ear, standing up and walking into another room.

I strained my ears to listen in on what he was saying, I overheard something about shells, and someone named Sean. I felt a spark of hope, perhaps he was a survivor who had strong connections with others who didn’t want to loot or steal or cause crimes, but to just survive and maybe even thrive.

I sat for a moment, before he returned slipping his mobile phone back into his pocket. I grinned at him. He returned my grin with a frown.

“What is it?”

“You’re from Team Aqua,” I said bluntly, my grin never faltering.

He stared at me, shock rippling in his eyes. “I don’t know what would give such a naïve girl such a foolish thought.” He scoffed.

“You’re Archie! You led Team Aqua!.” I exclaimed, feeling a wave of excitement come crashing over me. Everyone knew about Team Magma and Team Aqua’s lust to fight one another, if he still led a secret band of Team Aqua members, they could retrieve my bag and belongings, and maybe even help to stamp out Team Magma from the Sinnoh region for good.

“I used to,” he sighed miserably, “no longer, Team Magma became too powerful over the last few months.”

“No, I heard something about Sean in there! Sean was a co-admin of Team Aqua! I know, I heard you! And you said something about shells… Shelly? Yes! Shelly! She’s another one of Team Aqua, she’s a co-admin as well!”

Archie stared at me with genuine disbelief, his eyes wide, “Girl, how do you know this information?”

I remained silent, deciding to test him. “My father was a Team Aqua Grunt,” I replied cunningly. This was partially true, he did consider joining Team Aqua and cared deeply for Water-type Pokemon, he even tried out for Team Aqua, but he failed the test to register, considering his passion overrode his knowledge of Water-type Pokemon and sea benefits.

Archie blinked in mild surprise, a hint of an unreadable expression across his face. “Well, looks like you’d be more interesting company than I’d thought.”

I grinned wildly, I’d always been secretly driven to join Team Aqua in replace for my father’s failure to join, and Shelly had always been a role model of mine, far more than most girls my age who idolized over Fantina or Cynthia.

“Well, if what you’re saying is true - even if it’s not - we need more members. I suppose letting you in on this dirty little secret will only benefit us,” he grinned malevolently, “we could use a Tauros.”

“Well Mr. Archie, could I join Team Aqua?” I asked, deep down I was pleading, begging for him to allow me to join, but my facial expression remained cunning, mirroring his menacing grin.

He pulled his lips back in a harsh, fiendish grin one might find on a Houndoom ready to sink its teeth into the flank of some prey.

“No,” he said, as he rose from his seat and briskly strolled into another room, shutting the door.

ChthonicAustrian
01-29-2008, 04:11 PM
I sat on the bed of the bedroom I assumed was mine for now. Taurisan had settled hisself on the floor, looking up at me with dark eyes. I carelessly stroked and rubbed his head, staring off at myself in the mirror.

My hair looked disheveled once more, although I have no idea how that had happened, maybe the past year made it stick like that or something, or perhaps it was the lack of a proper bath in a while.

I sighed and looked down at him, falling back on my bed. The ticking of the clock nearby drowned out the silence, and I felt something vibrate against my bottom. I sat up and reached my hand into my back jean pocket. It was my phone…

I slipped it out and looked at the caller ID, it was an unknown number. Hesitantly, I flipped it open and raised it to my ear.

“Hello?” I asked, gulping nervously.

“Ashley,” they replied simply.

“Hello?” I repeated, how could they know my name?

“Ashley,” they echoed.

“Who the hell is this?” I snapped, growing more and more restless.

“Ashley,” the said once more.

“I’m not messing around you jerk, who the hell is this?” I said, raising my voice.

“Have you checked on Archie?” They said, their drawling voice seemed dark and menacing.

“What do you want?” I demanded, fear boiling up deep in my throat.

Click. They’d hung up. I looked at the phone with wide eyes. Fervently, I scrolled through the options until I found a list of recent calls, selecting the unknown number revealing its number. I looked around the room nervously, there was a calligraphy pen on its side on a nearby desk, and I reached up to write the number on my upper arm, in case anything were to happen to my phone.

I slid the phone into my pocket once again, and yanked the door open, rushing across the room to bang on Archie’s door.

“Archie! Archie, open the door.” I shouted, my fists clenched tight.

The door was thrown back, and Archie looked down at me as if I were mad. “What in god’s name are you doing?” He demanded bitterly.

“I just got a phone call, it was so weird… This guy’s voice, he knew my name and he asked if I’d checked on you, and then he hung up. I have the number but it’s just…” I trailed off, trembling. Thinking about the phone call made me fell so vulnerable, weak, even.

“You have the number? What is it?” He demanded, closing the door behind him and sitting himself on the chair of his desk, flitting through the papers.

“Uh, here, I wrote it down on my arm,” I said, pulling my sleeve up and revealing the slightly smudged phone number.

I sat myself down opposite of him and looked up at him hopefully as he identified one particular sheet and raised it up to look through it.

We sat silently for a moment, as he trailed his finger through and around the list of names and numbers. He finally came to a halt at one number, and sighed irritably.

“Damn… what was he thinking!” He scowled, forming a fist and bringing it down on the table hard.

“What? Archie, what is it?” I demanded, looking at him, then the paper, and back to him again.

“You know a lot about Team Aqua,” he said, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his temples, “what do you know about Team Magma?”

I blinked in surprise, “Was it Team Magma? Did they call me? Was that Maxie?”

“No, it wasn’t Maxie.” He scoffed, “I’d take that as a ‘no’ to my question. If you knew anything about Team Magma, then you’d know that Team Magma’s admin, Maxie, never talks on the phone, he loathes the damn device. He usually makes a co-admin do it.”

“He has a co-admin?” I asked.

“Three, like me that little cheat.” Archie laughed, throwing his head back bitterly, “That little cheat…”

“Who called me?”

“Hank, that little brat of a co-admin is always messing with the girls of Team Aqua. He’d pull malicious pranks, and considering you must have been seen when I carried you back here, and they identified you, then I’m guessing they found your bag.”

I blinked, how did he know?

He grinned as if he had been reading my thoughts, “No decent trainer travels without a bag,” he remarked.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, “So what do you want to do?”

Taken aback, I stared at him. I didn’t know what on earth I should do, everything seemed to confusing and helpless.

My mom’s old cunning abilities seemed to turn old gears in my head, “I say we take down Team Magma, once and for all.” I replied.

He smirked at me and chuckled, “Girl, you have some obtuse thoughts there,”

“What thoughts?”

“My point exactly,” he groaned, standing up. “If we’re going to go all out with a war over a damn little bag, then I’ll let Team Magma degrade themselves over that.

“Archie, sir, you don’t understand. I’ve been traveling across all regions on the back of my Rapidash on land, and my Honchkrow across the sea. I’ve many treasures in that bag. Like… like the Blue Orb, the Red Orb, and so many other things that would be mind-boggling, and could probably start epidemics if in the wrong hands, because of the access to legendary Pokemon. Archie, please… you of all people should know how evil it can be to harness a legendary Pokemon’s power in a cruel manner.”

Archie sat silently, staring at me with wide eyes. “The Blue Orb and the Red Orb?” He hissed through gritted teeth.

“The Blue Orb and the Red Orb!” He repeated, raising his voice, “How in god’s name did you get your damn, grubby little hands on the Blue Orb and the Red Orb!”

I remained silent, I wasn’t going to tell him that when the virus pandemic struck, and all of humanity died out, or became mindlessly violent, that I went about to steal such sacred things. Just the contents in my bag could easily be on display to a high-class, high-quality museum.

“I told you I traveled a lot, on my Rapidash and Honchkrow,” I spat, “I can’t do that now, because five of my six Pokemon were in my bag!”

He sneered and hissed, pounding his fist furiously on the table. He sat silent for a moment, then pulled out his mobile phone. He cast a foul glance at me, before making his way into his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. I could hear the faint murmuring of his words as he spoke to people, countless people. He talked for hours.

-----

In the morning, I’d found out that Archie boarded up the windows at night to keep any violent or wandering survivors from knowing that his home was indeed inhabiting him and myself. As he pulled down the board in my room, a strong shaft of bright light streamed in, waking me up.

“Rise and shine,” he droned, stumbling his way into the family room. I figured that he hadn’t had much sleep, so as I spotted him making his way back into his room, I lightly slid my legs off the bed and into the family room.

As Archie slept, I made my way into several rooms, locating the kitchen, bathroom, and what would have been a fancy dining room for important guests or high-authority meetings, if it hadn’t been so cluttered up with storage and junk now.

I was glad to find a small gymnasium that he had built underground in his basement. There was a great pool that took up most of the room, and many rare Water-type Pokemon such as Gyarados, Milotic, Walrein, and Vaporeon skidded across the surface, splashing about in the water.

I decided to let Tauros run amok in the room, tackling and charging into what looked like a punching bag that a Poliwrath had been thrusting its great fists at.

I sat with my feet dangling in the water, feeling the tickle of Goldeen as they floated lazily underneath the surface. I sat for what felt like hours, just watching the Water-type Pokemon swim around. I sighed as I remembered my own Lapras, silently worrying if she was all right.

“Who is the girl?” A voice demanded from behind me. I spun around, my feet still in the water as I looked up at a face I’d always stare at, green with envy of her cruel beauty and powerful tactics - Shelly.

“Her dad was a Grunt, she’s the one owner of the bag I told you about,” Archie informed, leading what looked like one or two hundred grunts into the large gymnasium. I watched in awe, with wide eyes as Archie pulled a lever near the door, and a small command panel appeared. He punched in several of the buttons, and a large clanking could be heard, pulling up the wall, revealing a dozen or so rows of bleachers being pushed out into the gymnasium.

“Oh really, now,” Shelly grinned, her eyes sparkled in authentic interest, “don’t tell me you’re recruiting such young teenagers, Archie,” Shelly taunted.

Archie just groaned irritably, making his way with wide strides to the center of the gymnasium, as the hundred or so Grunts made their way onto the bleachers.

I stood up, drying my feet and sliding my socks back on, I then laced my shoes on, and calling for Taurisan, I dashed forward to Archie.

“Archie? What is this?” I asked, looking from Archie, to Shelly, to the two men standing behind her, who I immediately recognized from their co-admin attire.

“Team Aqua meeting, we need to get your bag back, don’t we? For the sake of the earth, god knows we don’t need another ruthless team running amok with legendary Pokemon at their disposal.”

I grinned. I liked the sound of that, I liked it a lot.

The meeting was rather dreary at first, it mainly consisted of me having to be leaning against the wall with Shelly and the other two men. Archie was trying to get the long-abandoned Team Aqua revved up for war with Team Magma. I was shocked to see so many people at once. A year where most of humanity had been wiped out will really do that to you.

Shelly was really rather nice, despite her cruel and harsh exterior. She was really interested in the fact that I had such command over an aggressive Pokemon like Taurisan, and I’d collected so many rare items on top of that. Still, I felt so weird standing there next to Shelly’s six foot form, while I stood at a measly five feet and five inches, with my unkempt hair and wild look. At least she still had a working bathroom to look forward to every day, I found out.

Once Archie had gained the attention of Team Aqua, my attention was diverted to his introduction of me and my bag, it was a rather awkward introduction, as I’d realized he never really found out my name. Nonetheless, Team Aqua was ready to fight and rid themselves of Team Magma for good.

The cheers and caterwauls of Team Aqua soon drowned out Archie’s great shouts, and he glanced at me mischievously, his eyes twinkled as he felt a lust of power. I returned his glance with my own devilish grin. Even if he denied it, I really felt like a part of Team Aqua, now.

-----

Shelly offered to help me capture a Pokemon.

She reasoned that if we were at war, and if it was my bag we were retrieving anyway, then I should have a say in the fight, and that just a Tauros wouldn’t be enough to war with Team Magma.

I found out that Archie lived in Oreburgh, which would explain how he managed to carry me and Taurisan back to his home from Wayward Cave in such a short time with only the help of two or three Poliwrath.

Shelly and I maneuvered our way through the bicycle path on foot, climbing uphill so that we could leap down from a low part of the path, since the trees that could be cut had grown so large and tall, it was really near impossible to get into Wayward Cave. Luckily, Taurisan and I had hiked our way down and into it on our little hiking expedition around Mount Coronet.

Shelly and I eventually found ourselves looking down at the overgrown route beneath us. We exchanged glances before I recalled Taurisan in his Poke Ball, and leaped down. The wind buffeted me and my ears, drowning out Shelly’s yelp as she came hurtling down behind me.

Our feet thudded against the ground, and the impact of the landing made my knees buckle, as Shelly landed and fell to one knee.

“Are you okay?” I asked, catching my breath from the fall.

She nodded her head, panting hard as she stood up. She looked around and nodded her head at Wayward Cave, “Is that where we’re going?”

I nodded my head and grinned. Just the thought of catching the Pokemon I wanted in Wayward Cave made me shudder in anticipation.

“Well, let’s get going. Archie wants us to move out and travel to Mount Pyre in Hoenn to see if Team Magma may be there.”

“All right,” I said, pushing my way through the tangling undergrowth and shrubbery. Shelly sent out a white and sky blue Pelipper to sweep through the vines that barricaded our way into Wayward Cave, and within a few moments, a cramped and still crowded pathway led to the acrimonious dark entrance of the Wayward Cave.

I gulped fervently, and made my way inside, glancing around. “It’s so dark,” I remarked bitterly, my hope dimming.

“Wait, I have an idea.” Shelly called out a Pokemon, and I squinted my eyes as I saw two bulbs penetrating the darkness. In Shelly’s arms sat a young Chinchou.

I smirked, “Great idea,” I commented, making my way further into the cave.

The light from Chinchou was extraordinarily bright, and we were able to spot several Zubat flitting about away from such brightness.

We progressed farther into the cave, and after what felt like hours of walking, we came upon a breath-taking sight, making Shelly gasp in amazement, and me exclaim in joy. It was an underground lake. The black water shone with white ripples from Chinchou’s light, as Shelly let go of the small Water and Electric-type Pokemon, for it to hop along and plunge itself into the lake. It shivered and let out a joyful squeal and it submerged its body beneath the surface.

“Chinchou! Stay above surface so we can see!” Shelly commanded, as she made her way to the edge of the lake. After a moment the Chinchou remerged from the surface, its body glossy and wet.

A little squealing diverted my attention from Shelly and Chinchou, and I looked over and smiled openly, whispering, “This is it,”

There, across the lake, huddled on what looked like a little island, was a Gible, glaring threateningly at me.

I exhaled slowly, trying to remain calm. The Gible looked as if it were rearing to fight, its large mouth gaping threateningly, flashing pearly white canines and razor-sharp teeth. It lunged itself against the side of the wall, crawling and skillfully maneuvering its way across the rock’s slimy surface from the lake moisture, and landed several feet across from me.

I called out Tauros, who appeared in a streak of red light, and stamped the ground with its diamond-hard hooves, snorting at the small Gible. The Gible continued to gape its jaws with a sharp, lightning-fast manner as it lunged for Taurisan.

Taurisan lurched forward, striking the small Pokemon with its horn. The Gible caught hold of horn, it managed to thrust hard into its chest, winding the Pokemon, but it was strong, it held onto the horn as Taurisan reared its head back, trying to shake the Gible lose.

“Taurisan, head for the lake!” I commanded, watching as Taurisan charged forward, plunging its head deep into the iron-cold lake’s black surface.

The Gible bobbed on the surface, screaming out irritably as it strained to tread to shore.

“Horn Attack, now!” I shouted at Taurisan, who thrust his head underneath the Gible and pushed it up with such force, the small Pokemon streaked across the ground, glaring at Taurisan with hot and fiery distaste and loathing.

The Gible charged forward, lashing out at Taurisan with its jaws, it clamped down hard on Taurisan’s injured leg, making him lose his balance as he slid and collided on his side onto the floor.

The Gible worked its jaws and dagger-like claws over Taurisan, ripping through some of the bandages Taurisan had clad against his sides as he continued to lash out with its Slash attacks.

“Taurisan, Water Pulse!” I shouted, frantically thinking my way through the battle.

Taurisan didn’t even hesitate, he gaped his jaws wide and his upper body convulsed as he sent pulsating waves of spiraling water forward at Gible.

The close contact had a far more significant effect than when Taurisan used it on Crobat. The Gible was sent backwards, and I pulled out a ruby red and white Poke Ball with great speed, thrusting it forward as it collided with the small Land Shark Pokemon.

The Poke Ball remained still for a moment…

Then it wiggled once…

It wiggled twice…

pikahero2
01-30-2008, 08:34 AM
Dibs CA, I'll have the grade up soon. ^^;

Story/Introduction: Dear I say it, this was amazing. The plot was great, even though it's like "I am Legend" you edited it so much, and it's just amazing. You described your setting beautifully. You described your character beautifully. It was great, you told us the basics that every story should have, it's amazing you've achieved that, and I think this is your first story? No? It doesn't matter, I thought this was so interesting, exciting and more words I don't even know. Then you mixed the whole "Team Aqua" and "Team Magma" into it. Great use of your imagination. This was really creative. The plot was so complex, but easy to follow.


Who
When
Where
Why
How


You gave all of that in an amazing flow, not breaking the introduction down even a little bit. I love how you pieced this together, the whole virus thing was so interesting. I didn't care about any flaws you might have had, my eyes were glue to the picture you painted of the plot. This was so exciting, there was suspense too. I'm so happy I read this, the story was just so... addictive-ish. You gave the hook, and that's what made me so eager to read more of this story. There wasn't really anything I can tell you to improve on, this was just a great plot and story. You know what, I'm so certain that when grader applications open again, if you send, you'll become a grader, no doubt.

PASS! You should of expected it. ^_^

Length: This was just fine, 4k over the minimum is great. You should always try and aim for the middle though. It's also okay to push yourself to over the limit. Remember, it's quality, not quantity. ^_^

Pass

Spelling/Grammar: This was absolutely flawless, the only problems you had were with capitalization of Pokéballs and Pokémon a few times, I'll point some mistakes out.

The Pokemon bellowing the fire had

"Pokemon" should be "Pokémon".

I gasped softly as a thick plume of ruby red fire streaked overhead. The light cast eerie shadows and made the figures of the Pokemon and people in their ragged clothing all huddled amongst one another.

"Pokemon" should be "Pokémon", also I think you should have a comma after "softly".

daunting as she strained her voice into a sing-song tone.



Just change "sing-song" into "singsong".

while I only had my own six Pokemon, who wouldn’t match up with these hot-tempered, abused Pokemon with a passion to fight and draw as much blood as possible.

"Pokemon" should have an "é".

That's all really, nice work here. ^^;

Pass!

Detail/Description: This was awesome too. This is the best adjective use I've ever seen, to be honest. I love how you put your words, they were just so... professional (???) and whatnot. I loved everything here. I could see everything, the trainers, Team Magma, Team Aqua, I could see pretty much everything here. I'm just going to go into a little help with smells and feelings.

Now, you could describe the smell that was in the air, for example. If you were near the sea, there could be a stench of raw fish or something. If you were at a garden, you could smell a fragrance from flowers or something. If you were in public community place, you could smell food maybe? A delicious smell? Something like that.

Ah, feelings. Everyone has feelings, I just didn't feel them in the story. When someone is talking, instead of just saying "she shouted loudly" or something. Even though that's description, change it to "She shouted loudly, with an angry tone to her voice." See, that shows that she's angry when she shouted. You have to try do this for everyone talking, unless it's not necessary, or the people have no feelings. If someone is excited use the word "Excitedly" or "Joyfully" or something that gives you a happy and excited feeling.

Now, here's something I found wrong also, when describing, you must also describe the Pokémon, I know they don't need that much description, since people have seen them. But some people haven't. That's why you should give a brief description of the Pokémon that have appeared, or are battling. You describe Gible well, just not the others.

I love how you told us about Gibles teeth, all razor-sharp. It sounded so cool, I could practically see Gible's teeth in my head.

Pass!

Battle: This was great, you described the attacks awesomely too! I could practically see this battle in my head. Everything was put so well, the surroundings were used too, Chinchou got in the water to find Zubat, it was so professional-like. I just loved the battle. It wasn't too short, and it wasn't too long. It was simple, short and sweet. It was realistic as well as that. You put a lot of effort into the battle, I can tell by the flow of the battle, it's all rushed, not in a bad way. As in Gible could kill any minute thing. It was just so exciting, it had suspence, and it was fantastic!

Pass

Outcome: You probably should of known the outcome from the start, I mean. Your plot was great, length was good, spelling was great, description was amazing, and so was Battle. Gible Captured! You have a knack for writing, theres alot of potential here. If you have another story, I'd be happy to grade it. Just PM me. (Think of me as a grading-slave. xD)