View Full Version : Kitty in Charge? Pokemon Village Emergency! Not Ready for Grade!

03-21-2004, 07:08 PM
Kitty ventured through Downtown Blackthorn, where everyone looked suspicious. Lupin, a boy Kitty had met, was traveling with her back to his family in Fuchsia City. Kitty gulped, knowing that she had to travel through this horrible area if she wanted to get there. "Crobatbat!!!" Lupin's Crobat, Aera, said happily. She flew in circles around Kittys' head, then around Lupins'. Kitty looked at Abigail, her Absol, who was equally nervous. Mars, Kitty's Cyndaquil, was in his pokeball, napping as usual.

"Hey, girly!" A boy stepped up behind Kitty, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Wanna hop on my bike and go for a ride?" Kitty broke free and punched the boy in the stomach. "Get...away...from...me...you...abducter!" Kitty said, pausing between words to punch the boy in the face. Abigail ran up to the boy and bit his ear, and then made three red wells appear on his face with a slash attack. "Get 'er!" The boy yelled, bleeding from the nose rapidly.

3 more boys, all three obviously the lead boy's cronies, leapt for Kitty. "Go, Marisol!" Lupin yelled, sending out a tall, scary-looking pokemon. "Typlosion!" It roared. "Marisol, Thunderpunch!" Lupin screamed, Marisol's arm lighting up in response. By now, about 100 people were watching. "Chomp, go!" One of the boy's threw a pokeball, revealing a blue gator-like pokemon on two feet.

"Hydro Pump!" The boy commanded, pointing toward Marisol. "Dodge it, girl!" Lupin called out to the fire pokemon. "Sion!" Marisol roared, leaping into a window of an old building. "Feral?" Chomp wondered, looking around. "Ty!" Marisol yelled, jumping out the window, her electrical punch pummeling full speed onto Chomp's side. Chomp was down in an instant. The boy returned his feraligatr, and looked at the other 3. All 4 boys ran off into the distance.

"Wow!" Kitty exclaimed as Lupin returned Marisol to her pokeball. "How did you get so strong?" Lupin looked at Kitty and smiled. Aera flapped her wings and grinned. "Lupin, we need to get going!" Kitty whined, Abigail clapping her paws over her ears. "Kitty!" Lupin shouted. Aera pointed one way with her wing. "Aera knows the way!" Kitty looked up. "Let's go then!" She pulled Abigail by the paw and ran off, Lupin running behind her.

"Hmmm....." Kitty yawned, looking ahead. She saw Abigail and Lupin staggering, also tired. "Lets stop for ccamp sooooooooooon!" Kitty screamed as a net slipped up under her feet, capturing her. "Kitty! Are you okaaaaaaaay!" Lupin yelled falling into a hole. He had deposited Aera into his PC at a pokemon center, so all he had was Marisol. "Sol! Ab ab!" Abigail said, jumping up and scratching the net open. Kitty fell down and was knocked out instantly.

"Colo! Ludicolo! Lulu!" A pokemon sang, dancing over Kitty as she began to wake up. "Holy Mew!" Kitty said grogily, slowly standing up. 12 pokemon, including the Ludicolo, were around her. 3 Lotads, 3 Seedots, 2 Nuzleafs, 2 Lombres, a Shiftry, and the Ludicolo. More of these pokemon were around her, playing. The nuzleaf poked Kitty with it's leaf. A cloud of dust flew up around Kitty.

"Lombre!" Said the two Lombres. They sent a jet stream of water towards Kitty, knocking her back. "What was that for?!?!?" She said, angrily. "There you are!" Lupin said, running up to Kitty. "Hi." Kitty mumbled glumly, trying to dry off her shirt without showing anything. She couldn't. "Do you know where there is a bathroom?" Kitty asked Lupin. "Ask Marissa!" He said, pointing to a girl that had been standing next to Lupin the whole time. The girl had long blue hair, which was braided, pretty pink eyes, and wore plain white jeans with a plain green tanktop. She wore no shoes, but was pretty just the same. She cleared her throat and pointed to a brick building behind a square fence.

"There's one behind the pokemon playpen. You can have a pair of jeans and shirt. They are hanging in the bathroom. My aunt sent me tons, so if I don't give them away, Lucuco finds it and tears it to shreads. Or Shiftrick, whoever finds it first." Marrisa said. Kitty nodded a thank you, and ran to the bathroom.

"Thanks!" Kitty said, coming out of the bathroom. Her long, brown hair was now in curls, and her dirty clothes were replaced with plain, but clean, new ones. "Now, for me to wash up!" Lupin said, running to the bathroom Marissa's brother used. That was when a nuzleaf and a lombre both tugged on Marissa's pant leg. The nuzleaf pointed down sadly at a scratched elbow, while the lombre rubbed it's bumped head.

"Kindo! Kinda! " Marissa said, picking the pokemon up. "That's what you two get for climbing the playpen again. What did I tell you?" Marissa carried the two pokemon into her house, with Kitty following close behind. Marissa's house was plain, with nothing fancy. Also, it was unbeliveably messy. There were bloodstained cloths hanging around, and dirty cotton balls everywhere Kitty stepped. Marissa opened a blue first aid kit and grabbed two cotton balls and medical tape, then threw the rest over her shoulder.

"Get the bottle filled with pink liquid, and the bottle filled with orange liquid." Marissa said, pointing to a table without looking away from her work. Kitty ran over to the bottles and grabbed them. "Catch!" She said, tossing the bottles to Marissa, who easily caught them both with one hand. She dabbed Orange liquid onto one cotton ball, and taped it down on Kinda's head. Marissa then dabbed pink liquid on the other cotton ball, and tapped it on Kindo's elbow. Marissa then shooed them both into a room with the words, "Nap Room" stenciled onto the door.

Then, the phone rang.

"Hello?" Marissa said, picking it up. "What? An emergency? I'll be right there!" Marissa slammed the phone down. "There's an emergency! Would you mind watching the pokemon?" Kitty nodded. "Sure! What could go wrong?"

After Marissa left, Kitty rounded up the pokemon and read them a story. Then, she made them a snack, and had them take a nap. All except Kinda and Kindo. "What are you two doing up?" Kitty asked. They picked up a book and sat on her lap. "Oh, I get it." She began, and then said, "After your nap." The two pokemon hopped off her lap, and ran into the Nap Room. Kitty sighed. "They are all sooo cute, aren't they?" She asked Lupin, who nodded in return.

1 hour later, there was a hot wind that blew through the house. "Huh?" Lupin said, sleepily. Then, Kitty looked outside. A fire was destroying the forest! " Quick! The pokemon!" She ran into the nap room and Abigail woke up all the pokemon with her screech. "Lotads, Lombres, and Ludicolo, put out that fire! Everyone else, come with me!" All the pokemon ran outside, and the half water pokemon began to use their water gun attack. Then, Kindo stepped up and began to shovel dirt into the fire. The fire raged toward the two pokemon. A flame jumped out and hit both pokemon on the heads, making them faint. It came towards the pokemon and was close to engulfing them.

Kitty came forward. "Pokeballs, go!" She screamed, throwing two pokeballs at the pokemon. The pokeballs engulfed them in red light. They shook once, twice.....and burst open.

Kitty ran into the fire and grabbed the two pokemon. As she ran out, she tripped. The pokemon went flying out of the fire, but she was stuck, her foot caught in a furret hole. "Help! It hurts!" Kitty screamed. Kinda watched Kitty, and then scrunched her eyes closed. Clouds formed and it started to sprinkle. Kinda scrunched her eyes even tighter and her hands rose to the sky. Rain began pouring and thunder cracked. Lightning painted the sky. Soon, the fire was out, and the rain stopped. But, everyone was blinded by a white light. Kinda had evolved!

Marissa ran up to Kitty. "Kitty! Team Magma started this fire! One of their agents tried to revive groudon, but there wasn't enough power, and the machine broke! But the problem was that there was a power shortage at the time. No one unhooked the machine, the power went up, and the machine exploded!" Kitty stared wide-eyed at Marissa. "How do you know all that?" "Lucky guess." Marissa said, shrugging.

Not done yet!

06-18-2004, 08:45 PM
I'd grade it but I cannot tell what Pokemon you are trying to capture ^_________^;;;

06-19-2004, 01:53 AM
Kindo and Kinda, the lombre and nuzleaf.

06-19-2004, 03:34 AM
Story/Reality :: 06/10

The story went too fast. TOO fast.

Detail :: 06/10

I can't tell what's going on. Please please put more detail? ^_^;;;

Length :: 04/10

2 Pokemon with that size? There wasn't even a full battle ^_^;; Sorry, that won't cut it... A bit longer please?

Battle :: 0/10

There wasn't a battlle. You fought fire. Sorry, but there has to be a real trainer vs Pokemon fight for capture... Really sorry ^.^;;;

Grammer/Spelling :: 9/10

Nothing major that will effect your grade ^_^ YAAAY!

OVERALL :: 25/50 = 50/10 = 50% = NOT CAPTURED

Sorry! I think you need more detail and a real battle ^_^ If you add more detail the story will be more clear, the length should triple(or at least double) and the story's grade should perk. Put details into your battle too. Maybe Kindo&Kinda will lose and practice battle with you for a while? Or perhaps they like your skills and one challenages you to a battle and if you win they travel the world to train with you? It's all up to you! The story plot is very creative and I'd be thrilled to see more personality and detail in the story and characters! ^*______*^

06-19-2004, 12:07 PM
It's ok its not that I can't do any better, but make it longer, with more thrills and thats it. Then it would nearly be perfect.

And I know this isn't the time but prepare to see the longest little smilie face ever.

^ __________________________________________________ ___________ ^

Everyone smile for the camera, CHEESE!! Lol

08-20-2004, 02:20 PM
I editing it!