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Finglonger
04-23-2005, 06:09 AM
He was alone. Well he had his pokemon, but was that really enough? It was too late to go back now, too late to face the people he had left, too late to admit he was wrong. Besides a man has to keep his pride, does he not? The sun had begun to set, and the tiny beams of light which had perforated through the canopy of viridian forest had begun to disappear. He felt even more alone.

Our hero, Kevin, had left his hometown of Pallet a week earlier. He had the unhappy mind of a dreamer, a hopeless romantic who wished to make something of himself. In what seemed like a good idea he had left everything behind, except his girlfriend who had a couple of days ago run off with a tough looking biker. Even Kevin had to admit that this biker was rather attractive. But that was beside the point. He felt more alone now than he ever had.

Truly all he had left was his pride, that and his pokemon. Removing the four pokeballs from his belt, he released Venusaur, Donphan, Lanturn, and Teddiursa. As Lanturn flopped itself into a nearby pond, the ever curious bear began to explore his surrondings, Venusaur and Donphan merely observed like two ancient sages watching over a young pupil.

"well" he said thinking out loud, "at least I'm not entirely alone."

The night sky had bed set ablaze by a brilliant theatre of stars, the moon in all its glory peered down upon our hero and his pokemon. Its beams like eyes looking down through the trees provided some illumination in what was otherwise a dark, cold night. Kevin stared up at the moon, and it almost seemed as though it stared right back at him, staring through him and into his soul. He felt different, as though something had changed within him, and around him. It was then that he realized he was being watched. He slowly turned around. Nothing.

"My mind must be playing tricks on me" he thought to himself, " Perhaps its time I got some rest.."

Finglonger
04-23-2005, 06:09 AM
He took one last look around, surveying his surrondings. Lanturn had fallen asleep at the bottom of the pond, his yellow lure glowing eerily cast a dim golden light around the south end of the clearing. Teddiursa was snoring away locked between the gigantic monolithic figures of Venusaur and Donphan. The two had become his protectors, loooking after their younger comrade.

" What a beautiful sight" Kevin thought as he unpacked a red tattered blanket and a lumpy pillow. After Spreading them over the cold earth, he lay down and fell into an uneasy sleep.

A cold northwest wind wrapped itself around the five comrades, chilling the night air, and flurrying about in a ghost-like manner. The wind whistled through the trees, bearing down and conducting a mournful symphony of birds and crickets. It continued up to the canopy of trees, stopping there and coming back down in a flurry of leaves and twigs. It was then that the wind faded out, waving good bye to our sleepy hero, and hovering over him awhile.

Meanwhile Kevin was imprisoned, locked in a world of dreams. Disturbing images passed through his mind, and he became privy to a modern day tragedy, a 21st century Othello. The characters, eached warped in their own respects came forward to him and made known their tragic tale. There was the old man who had worked his whole life only to have it taken away, the young woman her dreams destroyed by time or fate or whatever one would like to call it, the young hotshot who only wished to touch the sky and was cut down in his prime, and scores of other players all tattered, worn down, and miserable. All of them had their own story to tell, all of them had their individual woes and miserys. All of them were trapped. There was another figure, black as night, and cold, very cold, that was the only impression he gave off. So very cold....

Finglonger
04-23-2005, 06:10 AM
Kevin awoke with a start. "Ach, what a dream!" he said to himself. He looked around him, noticing that everything was just as he left it. Calm, serene, one might say peaceful. The sun was coming up, peeking out over the horizion. He was glad that the day had come and he had a reprieve from the perplexing dream the night before.

His pokemon had begun to wake as well, perusing about for sustinence.Lanturn was busy in the water feeding off small remoraid, while the other three wandered around aimlessly hoping to find something on which to feed.

Kevin's stomach grumbled, reminding him that he had not eaten for days. He searched through his pack, uncovering a couple of uneaten pidgeys eggs he had gathered the previous morning. He'd been saving them, but if was ever the time, it was now. He started up a fire and cracked the eggs over his trusty old skillet. Soon he was able to enjoy his hard fought meal, and decided it was time to go. He gathered up his exhausted pokemon, placing them back in their tiny red sanctuaries, all of them except his Teddisura. He appeared to have boundless energy and Kevin thought it a shame to keep him confined on such a nice day as this one.

AHEM, why hello there. It's me the narrator, I control what you see and feel. Well maybe not so much the latter, but certainly the former. Anyways I just though I might pop in you know, and redirect your attention for a moment. I worry about our young hero sometimes, he must have smoked some bad stuff to be having all those crazy dreams, and feeling all those "feelings". I mean who feels stuff anymore anyways? Well lets get back into the story, after all that is my job...

Our young hero had set out from camp fresh, and full of energy. Unfortunately, that didn't last very long. Kevin had been walking what seemed like an eternity. The forest was unnervingly quiet. Usually one might expect it to be teeming with the noise of pidgeys, tailow, and whatnot and crawling with all sorts of bug pokemon. Today was not the case, the forest seemed devoid of all life. Even Teddisura, was rather silent, and reserved, staying close to his master as if something lurked in the shadows. As night fell, Kevin noticed that he was right back where he had started from. Eight hours of walking had yielded what seemed to be no distance.

"what..the hell" Kevin said to himself, his jaw dropping. " This is exactly where I started, how did I...., wait how is this possible?" He could not begin to explain what had led him back to his starting point, but he was so exhausted that he didn't care. And after a nightmare plauged sleep, he awoke to the rising sun. Determined not to make the same mistake, he made a series of marks on a nearby oak, and set out in an entirely different direction. eight hours later he found himself right back where he started, the marks that he had made still looked fresh and he was perplexed.

He began to walk around, pacing, trying to think of a possible way he could have ended up back here. He could find none.

Suddenly, a voice from behind grabbed his attention. "I see you're quite lost."

Kevin turned around, and came face to face with the cold blue eyes of an old man. The man looked somewhat out of place, his full white beard, half moon spectacles, pudgy frame, and wide brimmed hat reminded Kevin of an old prospector. He looked awfully familiar.....

" Where did you come from?" Kevin asked.

"Does it matter?" The old man asked. "I don't know how you got here, but perhaps I know a way out, for both of us.."

"Who are you?" Kevin asked the man, " And do I know you?"

"How rude of me, my name is Charles Baker Harris, pleased to meet you Kevin."

"But..I never introduced myself" Kevin thought to himself.."Hmmm he certainly is an odd fellow, well maybe I should hear him out." "Hmm likewise Mr. Harris" Kevin finally said.

"Please call me Charlie, and come this way." Charlie motioned for the perplexed young youth to follow him.

Kevin, having given up on getting out of this forest alone, resignantly followed the elderly man through the underbrush. That was when he got to thinking. A thousand questions started popping up in his mind. "Who is this? Haven't I seen him somewhere before? How does he know my name?.." and so forth in that manner.

Finglonger
04-23-2005, 06:11 AM
The old man continued forward and suddenly stopped. "We're here..." he said. " Maybe now we can be free..."

"what did you say?" Kevin inquired.

"I'll explain when you meet the others, come on" Charlie urged. After a few more grueling minutes of walking Charlie stopped. "Well there they are...."

At first Kevin saw nothing, but then hazy figures started appearing. Kevin was shocked at what he saw. Mangled bodies, some decomposing began to appear before him. Some looked almost human, but others, others were barely distinguishable. He knew where he had seen the old man now, the old man was the one who had haunted him in his sleep. He could pick out each character, the girl, the pretty girl whose hopes and dreams had been dashed out from underneath her, appeared as gorgeous as he had remembered only she was missing half of her face. The figures closed in around him, a macabre vision indeed.

"Back off!" Charlie yelled gruffly. " This ones still alive, and I think he can help us." he looked over to Kevin, "You see son, were all dead. We're all trapped here in this place, forever trapped in this limbo. neither heaven nor hell, perpetual nothingness. But you, you can set us free."

With this the crowd of half constructed, hapless souls began to cheer and move about wildly. excited at the prospect of finally moving on.

"Well.." Kevin started " what can I do for you?"

"You see, we all have one thing in common, besides being dead of course." Charlie explained, "We were all tricked into selling our souls to this slick little devil, Luke. He convinced us to hand over our souls to him and then arranged for our deaths. He slowly feeds off of us, taking away the only thing that makes us still feel human. If you could vanquish him, then perhaps you could free us and yourself."

"Oh how I long to be free" The young woman passionately cried, "If only to be rid of this place to be able to move on.."

Try as he might Kevin could not refuse the request of a beautiful woman and an old prospector. "Ok" he said with a sigh, "I'll do what I can."

Cheers of joy arouse from the grotesque crowd. Urging on their savior, their brave hero.

"How do I find this....luke?" Kevin asked Charlie.

Before the old man could answer, a black shade appeared and a cold pale hand reached out and pulled Kevin into another realm. Kevin was in a world of nothingness, he could see nothing but the shady outlines of an arena. In the stands of this colliseum a crowd of rowdy demons cheered on Luke and booed the "challenger".

Kevin looked across and saw a shadowy figure. A pale lifeless man stood up indignantly. his jet black hair and cold gray eyes clearly visible despite the haze.

"Hmm" the man said with a cocky grin, " The rules are simple, three pokemon each, if you lose I get your soul, if I lose I'll free those that I have wronged."

Finglonger
04-23-2005, 06:11 AM
"Very well..." Kevin said, surprised at his own bravery. He reached for a pokeball at his belt. "Im ready" he said.

"Hahaha, go Mightyenya..." Luke cried. A large intimidating looking dog emerged from a dazzling display of red light.

"Go Donphan" Kevin cried out as he summoned his gigantic elephant. "Use your earthquake attack"

"Don" donphan grunted as it reared up and sent shockwaves through the ground.

Mightyenya tried to dodge the oncoming tremors, but feel to the ground, semingly helpless.

"Alright Donphan" Kevin said, "finish it off with a double edge."

Donphan leaped through the air, attempting to tackle the beleaguared dog, when all of a sudden, Mightyenya leaped up and out of the way. Donphan fell asunder, hurting itself and missing the dog entirely.

"Nows your chance.." Luke cried, "Hit it with your Crunch attack!"

Mightenya raced forward and launched itself on to Donphans back, burying its fanges into his tough skin. Donphan leaped up in surprise, the dog still clamped to his back. Donphan recoiled and groped up with his trunk and pulled the helpless dog off slamming it into the ground. He lifted up one of his mighty legs and stamped Mightyenya into the ground.

Luke let out a sigh, "Return you worthless piece of trash! And go Dusclops.."

A small red Ghost emerged, the field of battle was engulfed in darkness, Kevin could no longer see or hear anything. Donphan was isolated in the middle of the arena with no way to hear his masters commands.

"If you can hear me, use your rollout donphan!" Kevin cried hopelessly. But when the dark mist cleared, Donphan lay on the ground and Dusclops stood there, menacingly. In an instant Venusaur stood there to meet it.
"Use your leech seed Venusaur" Kevin commanded. Small spores emerged from venusaurs flower and latched themselves into dusclops, pinning him to the ground. While Dusclops appeared to be suffering, Venusaur was gathering strength.

Dusclops put his hands together and formed a large ball of light, sending it right at venusaur. Venusaur reeled back, its energy dissipating.

It was then that the small seeds on dusclops' back began to glow a blood red, invigorating the fallen plant. Dusclops looked like a gaunt old man, what litttle color it possessed began to drain from its body. Dusclops was slowly being sapped of all its energy.

A smirk passed over Lukes porecelain face, "Pain split Dusclops, make him suffer"

A beam of red light came out of Dusclops and like a thin thread attached itself to the body of Venusaur, pulsating the thread strenghtened Dusclops, but weakened Venusaur. It appeared the tables had been turned.

"Dusclops, use Night shade, and finish off that pathetic plant." luke commanded.

Dusclops began to enshroud itself in a black mist, preparing to do away with Venusaur just as it had done to his predecessor.

"Dont let night shade trap you!" Kevin shouted. "Use your solar beam and blast it away."

Venusaur began to charge up, but without the power of the sun, it seemed futile. While Venusaur struggled to garnish enough energy from his seeded opponent, the black mist creeped ever closer. Just when hope seemed lost, Venusaur tapped into the energy he had absorbed from Dusclops, the stadium erupted in a burst of light, and when the fantastic burst had dissipated, both Venusaur and Dusclops lay on the ground, too exhausted to continue.

"No matter" Luke said " I still have one left." He threw a tiny pokeball into the ring and a small houndour appeared.

"Houndour" It cried meekly.

"Worthless insignificant rat! You'd better Not lose!" Luke warned the tiny creature

Felling more than a little pang of sympathy for the poor creature, Kevin sent out his last pokemon capable of fighting, Teddiursa.

The small bear emerged, running circles around the beleagured houndour.

"Flamthrower Houndour!" Luke cried

Houndour reared back and launched a large stream of fire, bypassing the energetic Teddiursa who reared up and cut back the small dog with a mighty slash.

"Good job, Teddi, now use your thrash!"

Houndour got up, and launched another flamethrower, this time knocking the bear back several feet. Teddiursa stoop up and launched itself at the demon dog, knocking it down and gnashin at it ferociously. It reared up and smashed the dog into the ground with its tiny paw.

Houndour leaped up, kicking Teddiursa aside. Its eyes turning a crimson red, flames began to spout from its mouth. It erupted in a dazzling display of fire and rage, cathcing the tiny bear off guard and propelling it into the side of the colliseum. Houndour ran after Teddi, preparing to finish him off.

Teddiursa leaped up, revealing that it was not quite out. At his masters behest, he leaped into the air, and on to houndours back. It dug its claws into the dogs soft skin, attempting to knock it off balance or at least cause great harm.

With the swoop of his mighty paw, Teddiursa knocked his opponent onto the ground. Houndour ganshed violently at Teddiursa, but it was too late. The small bear landed one more slash...Houndour was down for the count.

"NOOOOO!" luke cried as he disappeared into the dark backdrop.

The next thing he knew, Kevin was back in Viridian Forest. A cool breeze wafted through the air, letting him know he had been succesful. Kevin looked down and noticed the Houndour at his feet. The poor was out cold, and it had been so poorly treated. Kevin felt awful about knocking out what seemed like such a meek and innocent creature, but he had no choice.

"I must make amends for this, I must make things right." Kevin reached into his pocket and brought out a tiny red pokeball. He threw it at the houndour, it wiggled once, twice, thrice............

Daniella Defines Divinity
04-23-2005, 12:43 PM
Story- Spoooky, yet cool ^_^ It's very difefrent, a nice touch

Spelling/Grammar- Overall it was very good, I spotted 1 typo though. Also you changed style at one point to narrator, it seemed very out of place considering the rest of the story was so dark

Realism- Not very realistic, but then again It probably isn't meant to be and everything you said fitted in with your theme so it's cool

Battle- To be honest it was rather short and it was rather a let down after all the opression in the rest of the story, I kinda felt like saying "oh...is that it?" All the pokemon you battle are level 100 so it's gonna be a little more difficult than that, you should try plumping it out a bit, add a few more attacks and maybe a little more description to your previous attacks

Outcome- Not captured. The battle is what let it down, it's my weak point aswell in writing stories XP Although you're very close to a catch, just edit somemore into your battle and it should b fine ^_^

Hope that was useful

Finglonger
04-23-2005, 06:26 PM
alright, thanks for the feedback. = )

I edited the last post, let me know if its good enough.

Daniella Defines Divinity
04-23-2005, 07:19 PM
alright, thanks for the feedback. = )

I edited the last post, let me know if its good enough.


That along with the rest of the story looks about right for a catch, cograts ^_^ Although it was very close to a non catch, next time add an attack or two more to be on the safe side, enjoy your houndor ^_^