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Nitro
02-18-2008, 12:04 AM
The Growlithe Ate My Homework!

"OK, class, please turn to page 254. Please read the first paragraph, then fill out the worksheet that is being handed out by Michelle."

Nitro quickly opened his history textbook to page 254. His teacher, Mrs. Rolfe, wasn't tolerant of people that "slacked off when supposed to be doing schoolwork". The first paragraph was entitled "World War II". Nitro read the paragraph, then stared at the worksheet. History was boring enough to kill you, but easy enough to bring you back from the dead.

Nitro pushed his long chestnut hair out of his sweating face as Mrs. Rolfe's keen pale blue eyes scanned the room for "slackers". Nitro peeked at his watch when Mrs. Rolfe had turned away to lecture a "slacker", apparently. The watch read 2:30 PM. Nitro nearly drew in his breath in surprise, but retained his posture just in time as Mrs. Rolfe turned her vulture-resembling head towards him. Nitro started sweating and quickly resumed his worksheet.

"We've been working for half an hour!" Nitro thought, astounded but relieved that there was only half an hour of the dreaded school left.

The next half-hour flew by considerably and thankfully quickly.

"OK class, it's almost time for dismissal. Finish your worksheets at home, they will be due next Friday, or two days from now. No excuses, just completed worksheets!" Mrs. Rolfe barked, then dismissed them as the bell rang.

Nitro exited the classroom, eager to get home. He went to his locker and grabbed his backpack quickly, then started dashing to his house right beside the school. It was very convenient living right next to the school, and there's rarely ever anything out of the common however from the school to the house. However, as he passed that one small bush in between the school and his house, a Growlithe leapt out of the bush and tackled Nitro. Nitro's backpack slipped off as Nitro himself fell across the pavement. The orange puppy Pokemon went over to the backpack, used its paw to claw a hole in the backpack's fabric and dug inside the broken backpack.

"Get out of there!" Nitro yelled, praying the Growlithe wouldn't destroy his homework with its Fire Type attacks.

His prayer was heeded by the gods. Instead of burning the homework, the Growlithe ate it. Nitro lost his sanity right there, right then.

"Agghhhh!!!" Nitro screamed freakishly.

The Growlithe ran away, frightened by the saneless scream. Nitro stopped screaming, realizing how stupid he must have looked like to the normal bystander.

"What am I going to do...," Nitro moaned, entering his house with a feeling of deep despair in his gut.

"What's up, kiddo?" Nitro's father, Mario, asked as Nitro sat down for dinner that night.

"Some stupid Growlithe leapt up on me and made my homework the equivalent of these mashed potatoes we're having for dinner, only these probably taste better," Nitro muttered, despising the Growlithe with every fiber of his body.

Mario smiled geniuinely. "Don't worry, kiddo. I'll talk to Mrs. Rolfe about it, reason with her, y' know? I'm sure she'll understand."

Nitro nodded gratefully through a mouth full of mashed potatoes, then swallowed. "Anyway, that Growlithe seemed pretty strong. It'd be a great Pokemon to have on my roster..."

This time, it was Nitro's mother Nia that answered. "A Growlithe would be an ideal Pokemon. It's loyal, and cute! I'd know, I grew up with one."

"Really? Why'd you never tell me before, Mom?" Nitro inquired curiously.

"You never asked," Nia giggled serenly.

The rest of dinnertime was unusually pleasant for Nitro, with the heavy burden of his now non-existant homework taken off his shoulder. After dinner, Nitro felt considerably happier, and listened to what his parents said for once in his life.

That night, Nitro was waken up at 12:33 AM by a bright light outside his window. Nitro got up and rubbed his eyes drowsily. The light, whatever the source, was hurting his eyes and making him irritatible. Nitro looked out the window, and saw the homework-eating Growlithe from earlier lighting a fire with its Ember attack and getting near it, trying to desperately to get warm. Nitro felt a stab of pity for the unlucky Growlithe, and decided to catch it tomorrow for its own good.

Next morning, Nitro head out for school with his Pokeballs hanging onto his belt. School passed by with Nitro despising every moment of it as usual. After school, Nitro ran out of school faster than he usually did, which was a feat to be commended considering Nitro's usual pace. He stopped in front of the bush, and took out a Pokeball from his belt with a grim grin on his face.

"Growlithe! I know you're in there! Get out now, or I'll go in there!" Nitro announced.

The bush rustled, than the Growlithe leapt out. It growled intimidatingly.

"Doing your job, hmm?" Nitro muttered quietly as he tossed the Pokeball into the air.

The capsule opened up and a Hitmonlee popped out.

"Meet Taxxon, Growlithe," Nitro smirked.

Taxxon was a very strong Hitmonlee given to Nitro by his friend Isaiah. It was very strong, and had proven itself in many battles, also earning Nitro his only two badges. Nitro had no doubt Hitmonlee would win. The Growlithe growled again, and leapt at Hitmonlee, twirling flame around its body elegantly, looking like a fireball of sorts.

"Beautiful yet deadly," Nitro murmured the phrase his mother always used to describe her Butterfree, now understanding what it meant as he recognized the Flame Wheel attack. "Taxxon! Those flames might be pretty, but show that fluffy fireball we mean business! Use Double Kick!"

Hitmonlee used one kick to expertly stop Growlithe's body in mid-leap, and used another kick to knock Growlithe down to the ground. Nitro smiled. Taxxon was a very strong Pokemon, and wouldn't be defeated by any wild Pokemon under most circumstances. Nitro took out an empty Pokeball from his bag, and threw it at Growlithe. The Pokeball shook once, twice, and.....

"Graawl," Growlithe growled cutely, taunting Nitro.

"Crap," Nitro cursed as the Growlithe escaped the Pokeball.

The Growlithe turned, and ran towards the school.

"Trying to run, hmm? You might be fast, Growlithe, but you can't beat Taxxon when it comes to speed.... or me when it comes to intellectuality. Taxxon, use Hi Jump Kick!" Nitro ordered, determined to prevent the Growlithe's escape.

Taxxon dashed toward Growlithe, and then jumped high into the sky. Eventually, Taxxon's ascent stopped, and Taxxon started to descend. It fell down like a meteor, aiming for where it thought Growlithe would be when it touched the ground. The Growlithe saw the descending Hitmonlee, and used Flamethrower on it.

"Taxxon, use Endure!" Nitro yelled, his heart beating loudly.

Taxxon braced itself for the attack, but didn't lose the Hi Jump Kick stance. As the fire scorched it, Taxxon kept falling down until it hit Growlithe.

"Grrrrrrrawl!" Growlithe moaned in pain as Taxxon's kick landed.

"Yeah, that's right!" Nitro cheered.

The Growlithe opened its eyes, and focused them angrily on Taxxon. It roared intimidatingly. Taxxon started sweating in panic, and retreated back to its Pokeball in Nitro's left hand.

"What?! You can't be intimidated by THAT!" Nitro said in amazement.

Nitro set Taxxon's Pokeball back on his belt, and quickly tossed another one without looking before the Growlithe could get away. Nitro's Mankey, Banana, came out of the Pokeball.

"Man," Mankey growled at Growlithe.

"Grr...," the Growlithe growled back angrily.

"Man man man mankey, mankey," Mankey closed one eye and pretended to yawn.

The Growlithe's were filled with hate at the apparently cold-blooded taunt, and it tackled the Mankey to the ground. Both Pokemon started rolling around on the ground, punching each other and insulting the other in Pokemon language. Nitro smacked his head, cursing his luck. Of all the Pokemon he could've sent out, it had to be the one with a disobedient nature and the one that could infuriate an Alakazam while it's meditating.

"Maaaaaaaaan.... KEY!" Mankey threw a combanation of close-range type combat moves at Growlithe, throwing it back.

"Woah.... That must be Close Combat...," Nitro murmured in awe as the Growlithe was knocked back by at least a couple meters.

Nitro remembered the last time he had seen Close Combat well. It was used upon a trainer's Machoke. It was a long time ago, about a month. It was a strong move, but weakened the user's defenses. It must've been urgent for Mankey to use such a risky move. Growlithe got up, and used Heat Wave. The high temperature suffocated Mankey, and it fell to the ground, choking. Nitro started to sweat, and attempted to returned Mankey to its Pokeball. To his surprise, the Mankey dodged the beam of light that would take it to safety.

"Mankey.... Why? I'm gonna sub in Taxxon, come on, Mankey!" Nitro urged.

Mankey looked at Nitro, fierce determination in its eyes. Nitro understood at last. His Mankey wanted to fight this Growlithe because Mankey saw it as a worthy opponent.

"All right, Mankey! Let's go beat 'em!" Nitro yelled, feeling confident. "Punish that Growlithe for what it's done! Use Punishment!"

Mankey whammed Growlithe, channelling all the anger from receiving previous attacks from this Growlithe into the arm slam. Now hyperactive, Mankey started jumping up and down, pumping itself up. Nitro gasped as he recognized this move.

"So this must be the fabled Focus Energy I've heard of. They say it's really strong, and can increase the chance of a critical hit with the next move," Nitro smirked. "Well, let's finish this with a blitz of your best hand to hand combat moves. Use Close Combat, Mankey!"

Mankey got up close to Growlithe, and punched it and kicked it and jabbed it everywhere it could reach, until finally, the Growlithe admitted defeat. It slumped to the ground, exhausted. Nitro threw a Pokeball at it, more confident with his chances this time. The red-and-white sphere rolled once... Nitro crossed his fingers in prayer. It rolled twice... Nitro started to sweat. It rolled three times, then....

{ASHLEY THE PYROMANIAC MONKEY}

The Jr Trainer
02-18-2008, 12:07 AM
Just posting to make sure no one else takes it. :o

Nitro
02-18-2008, 12:09 AM
Just posting to make sure no one else takes it. :o
The title says "{RESERVED FOR JR.}", fool. If it's reserved for you, then no one else is going to grade it. xD


{ASHLEY THE PYROMANIAC MONKEY}

The Jr Trainer
02-18-2008, 01:31 AM
The title says "{RESERVED FOR JR.}", fool. If it's reserved for you, then no one else is going to grade it. xD


{ASHLEY THE PYROMANIAC MONKEY}

Yes I know, but I felt like post then so I didn't have to make one when I was done. -lazy-

And for the grade. D:

Plot/Story:
This was bit simple, but other aspects of the story covered this up nicely. You had a good plot going, if you expanded on it this would’ve been a really great story. Adding little spins onto the story could make it a lot better, and more successful. Maybe Nitro found himself in a sticky situation and Growlithe was in pain, or hurt. Or something and he had to help him get out and get into the Pokemon Center and heal then they battle. That little bit of story can make it all the more interesting to read. The plot can make or break a story too, don’t forget that.

Besides being a bit too simple, it flowed nicely came together well. It wasn’t rushed, just a nice smooth story they was like a neat puzzle. Flow of a story can affect its whole outcome, the feel of it too. Maybe, your story is a happy one, sad one, angry one. Adding a feel into a story is a nice push in it. It can put the reader into your eyes and make them feel what the characters are feeling like.

This is good I suppose, but make it more complex and fun for more complex and harder Pokemon. :P

Introduction:
This was, really not there for the most part. Something more could be added. More description of Nitro since this isn’t the second chapter/part of anything. You could also put what the school and road looked like since it was the surroundings in the beginning of the story. :P

This was okay I guess, something more could be added more than Nitro just being angry over homework. D:

Grammar/Spelling:
This was great, too. ^^’’ Most stories have more mistakes than you had. You seem to have a good grasp on grammar, but there were a few mistakes that I’d like to point out.

The Growlithe ran away, frightened by the saneless scream
“Saneless” could be turned into “insane.”

Mario smiled geniuinely. "Don't worry, kiddo. I'll talk to Mrs. Rolfe about it“Geniuinely” would and should be “genuinely.”

"Grr...," the Growlithe growled back angrily.
When using ellipses (the three dots) in dialogue you don’t need to put the comma at the end of it, same with using exclamation marks and question marks.

about it, reason with her, y' know? I'm sure she'll understand."
No space needed in between the (y’) and ‘know.’

Finish your worksheets at home, they will be due next Friday, or two days from now.
To me that doesn’t really sound right “or two days” I think it would sound better as “…they will be due next Friday, which is two days from now.” That’s just my opinion though. But, it seems to make better sense, since “or” makes it sound like the homework is due on Friday, or two days from now since you never stated what day it was, that could confuse someone.

Other than that, and a few other typos, this seemed really good. ^^;

Length:
This was short. ._.; 10k for a medium Pokemon. Sprucing up the other areas of the story could really make this longer. More detail would have helped this a lot, and a nice introduction too.

Detail:
This was nice and shiny at some parts and dull and boring at others. You colorfully explained what things looked like when you did use detail, but some of the parts were quite boring. :/ Make sure you describe all aspects of stories and not to leave out parts of it. Sometimes you’ll describe one thing in one scene, but not another thing. Both of the two things which could have made big differences. Though, this is only a medium Pokemon, you could have added in a considerable more amount of detail, but the amount you have is fine for now. :P If you have to you can even close your eyes and picture what the people look like, then type/write it out into your story, it may seem dumb and nerdy, but it really does work. ;)

The Pokemon weren’t very well described. Don’t forget to describe them too. Pretend as if the person that was going to read this had no experience with Pokemon at all, and they don’t know what they look like at the littlest bit, that can really help getting out some description into the story. Like I said, close your eyes, or use a Pokemon sprite resource and type out what they look like. Something like “Hitmonlee was a brown, humanoid, but had an egg shaped body and springy legs” would really do something.

You did, on the other hand, nicely put emotions into the story though. I could feel the anger or happiness of the characters. Especially Nitro’s mother, she seemed to pop out, though it would have been better if knew what she looked like somewhat. Even little descriptions are helpful to the story, to help make it pop out. D:

Battle:
This was your ace, it was strong and plentiful. It really made up the bulge of the story, too. It was fun to read, not to mention. I couldn’t of wanted more for this really, it was great and made the story… a story. xD But remember, just a battle alone won’t pass you on a story. You have to have more aspects to it. But however, the attacks were pretty well described. It wasn’t game-boy like, like most people seem to just naturally right like. It had some good combos which is a nice twist since most people just use those boring regular attacks and don’t think about using things like Endure, Swords Dance, Substitute, etc, etc. You made this good though. It was fun to read.

The length on this was extreme too, but don’t just make a battle the whole story, make sure it doesn’t take up the whole entire story, make something else have a meaning too. ^^ And, if you have to even go to Serebii, Veekun, PsyPokes, or even the Ultra-Dex to look up what moves the Pokemon use. But, for the most part, this was very good.

Final Outcome:
This story was very iffy, but in the end, I liked it, the battle was good, grammar was neat and nice, the other were just borderline. The length was, not so good. :x But, the battle really brought this battle to its stoop. So… Growlithe captured!

Nitro
02-18-2008, 10:43 PM
The grammar when I saw it was like murder to me, trust me. ;-;

Thanks for the grade, Jr.

{ASHLEY THE PYROMANIAC MONKEY}