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The Elite Ygseto
04-23-2005, 09:59 PM
OCC: Yay another story from me. I appreciate comments, please PM them or AIM me.

---

"Damn, I'm lost." Adam said slamming his fist into his 5th dead end. He looked around for another path, but he could only find the ways back to the other dead ends.

The dark cave illumined only by Medicham's flash. Its ceiling was 50 feet above their heads, and the dark rocky walls were sticky from the cave's high humidity.

"We have been searching here for 2 weeks now, all for one stinking Pokemon." Adam said to Medicham, who was listening intently to its owner's words. "We are about to run out of food. So we need an exit, or the Pokemon." Adam paused to think for a while

"Cham. Cham medi medi cham cham." Medicham said, breaking the silence. The Pokemon pointed towards a small hole in the wall.

"Interesting." Adam said kneeling down to look through the hole. On the other side was a whole new area he hadn't explored yet. "Well need to find away to get this hole wide enough so we can fit through."

"Cham!" Medicham said, starting to meditate.

"Ok looks like you go that under control," Adam said to the humming ninja. "I'll go get some water."

The Elite Ygseto
04-24-2005, 02:30 AM
After Retuning with the water, Adam sat behind the meditating Pokemon against a rocky wall. He chomped down on a cereal bar and watched for the pokemon's next move. When done he walked over to a small waterfall and brushed his teeth in a pocket mirror. When over he looked over his body

He had long, baggy cargo pants on and an old white t-shirt on with the Pokemon League's symbol on the top right chest, and his new pair of leather sandals.

After washing up, he started thinking of his girlfriend, Jennifer.

After that incident in Dewford's cave, he stared talking to Jennifer more and more. He finally got up the courage to ask her out. They went out to the beach and had a picnic in the moon light. That was exactly 1 year ago to this day. He had promised her that he would be home from this trip.

He was on this trip for 2 weeks now, all looking for one Pokemon, the large Onix. Ever since seeing Adam's Pokemon in action Jennifer wanted some of her own. One of her favorites was Onix; she had said that it reminded her of Adam. Adam had gone on this trip to Kanto to find an Onix for her anniversary present.

The Elite Ygseto
04-24-2005, 03:00 AM
After thinking and waiting for another hour Medicham started to move. "So Medicham what are you going to do?" Adam asked the silent ninja.

He pulled his fist back and it started to give off a soft glow. "Chammmm!" Medicham yelled as he pushed his first through the tough stone. He had placed his fist a foot away from the hole. The correct placement and mediation allowed him to make a huge gaping hole in the foot deep wall.

"Holy s*it!" Adam exclaimed, staring at the new passage way. "That was wicked man!"

"Cham," Medicham said nodding his head as a thank you.

Adam stepped through the new hole and surveyed his area. It was a lot less humid there. There where floors connected by an old rope ladder. He stepped further in and Medicham followed, making sure there where any potential threats to his master. All there where were a few Zubat hanging from the ceiling. Medicham nodded to his master that it was safe to come in.

"Thank you Medicham, I might be able to get back to Jennifer by tomorrow if there is an Onix in here." Adam said, walking towards the middle of the floor, when all or a sudden a seeding object knocked Medicham in the side of his head.

"Medicham!" Adam said running over to his friend. Next to Medicham was a white bone. "What's this?" Adam picked up the bone and examined it.

"Bone!" A small dinosaur Pokemon with a skull on its head stepped out from behind some rocks. It was a Cubone. "Bone, bone, cu." It said pointing to Adam.

"Why the hell did you throw this at Medicham?" Adam said getting off of his knee and turning towards the Cubone. After a closer examination he noticed that a large chunk of the Cubone's skull was missing, exposing its paler orange flesh. "What do you want from us?"

"Bone!" Cubone squeaked pointing at the bone in Adam's hands.

"Oh, so you want this?" Adam asked looking at the bone. "Well here it is!" Adam Got in a pitching stance a pitched the bone strait towards Cubone. It hit him in the gut knocking him down on his stubby tail.

"Bone." Cubone said, struggling to get up off the cold stone floor. Once he brushed off the main pain of the blow he got angry and started rushing Adam. "Bone!" It squealed.

"Ah! Stop it you little jerk." Adam said running away from the crazed Cubone. "Stop it!"

Cubone jumped up in the air, bone ready to strike Adam's head. When he started to lower the bone, he stopped mid-air, shrouded in a blue aura.

The Elite Ygseto
04-24-2005, 03:13 AM
OCC: This part is really short =P

Adam turned his head towards the stopped Cubone. "What?!" Adam said, voice getting high on the last note.

"Cham!" Medicham said, getting Adam's attention. Medicham had his hands ou slowly turning them. He was controlling the Cubone. He moved him away from his master and slammed him against the hard stone wall. "Medi!"

"Bone!" Cubone yelled as he slid against the wall, scraping his tough hide. He got to the ground and wobbled to his feet. He got in a fighting stance and took his bone up as a sword.

"Thanks Medicham! Now get ready to kick his ass!" Adam said, giving Medicham a thumbs up. "Try using your hi-jump kick!"

Medicham nodded as he stared rushing towards the bleeding Cubone.

The Elite Ygseto
04-24-2005, 07:13 PM
OCC: I'm going to have this part, and then add another part to finish it and get Onix.

---

Medicham jumped high in the air and stiffened his big leg. He switched his position when he got close, and started flying down to the wide-eyed Cubone. Cubone got out of his fixation and quickly dodged the oncoming attack from the fighter. Medicham slammed into the wall.

"Bone!" Cubone said catching his breath from the little incident. He then scurried over to the ladder that connected the two floors.

"Medicham, hurry up and use recover, and then use confusion to bring him down here!" Adam commanded from his on looking spot on a large extrusion of rock.

Medicham got to his feet after hearing his owner's commands. He stood holding his palms together. He then started to glow in a bright white light, similar to the sun's rays. When the light faded away Medicham was still standing there, but now all of the earlier damages where gone.

"Good Medicham, now use that Confusion attack!" Adam said looking for the Cubone on the top floor. "There he is Medicham! Get him with your attack!" Adam pointed towards the corner of the room, where Cubone sat licking his wounds.

"Cham!" Medicham nodded and waved his hands I front of himself. A Blue Aura shrouded Cubone as he was pulled away from his corner. Medicham had him hanging 30 feet from the ground with his head downwards.

"Cubone!" Cubone hollered as he looked down towards the ground, staring at his inevitable doom.

"Drop him Medicham!" Adam said.

Medicham let go of his prey and Cubone fell towards the ground. The impact cracked the ground and rattled everyone in the area.

"Good work Medicham!" Adam said giving a thumbs up and then receiving one back from Medicham. "Now back up and let me catch this sorry rascal." Adam pulled out a Great ball from his belt and chucked it at the Cubone.

"Cu," Cubone said as the ball hit his nose and sucked him in with a brilliant light. It fell down towards the ground and started to rock. 123 Will it lock?

Daniella Defines Divinity
04-24-2005, 08:11 PM
Story- I quite like the idea of finding a pokemon for your girlfriend, it's sweet Although perhaps a little more wouldn't go amiss. You've got lots of posts, but they're all quite short, however I assume you're gonna dd more for the onix, so it seems cool enough to me

Grammar/spelling- Good, no significant problems here ^_^

Realism- Another okey dokey here ^_^

Battle- A few more attaks would have been nice, but as it is I think it's long enough, although to compensate If I'm the one grading the onic catch, I'll be a little harsher XP

Outcome- caught, well done ^_^ like you're writing style, it's very pokemonish XP

The Elite Ygseto
04-25-2005, 01:10 AM
Thanks Dani! This is the first time I caught a pokemon on the first try. XD

I'll work on the rest during the week. I plan on adding more to the story and having a much longer battle with onix.

The Elite Ygseto
05-01-2005, 03:16 AM
OCC: Latest part of my story, the start of the Onix part.

---

"Bing!" The ball sang as the mechanism locked.

"Sweet!" Adam said ecstatically, running to pick up the scuffed pokeball. "We caught Cubone, Medicham!" Adam said turning to the exhausted Pokemon.

"Medi," Medicham said giving a weak thumbs up to Adam. "Cham" Medicham fell to the ground with a dull thud as the rock hard muscles hit the stone. Medicham was panting heavily.

"You did well my young friend." Adam said sympathetically, pulling out Medicham's Pokeball and returning the warrior. He placed Cubone and Medicham on his belt for a rest. Adam sat down for a break thinking of the time he got Medicham.

It was a warm summer's night on the beach. Adam sat there with Jennifer, eating a wonderful picnic she had made him for his birthday.

Adam ate the last bite of his decadent cheesecake. "This is wonderful thank you so much for it." Adam said to his love. "It's the best birthday ever." He gave her a light 'thank you' kiss.

Jennifer's face lit by the moon, blushed. "That抯 not all, I have one more thing for you." Jennifer said turning to get a pokeball for Adam. "Come on out little guy." Jennifer opened the ball and a small, blue, monkey like Pokemon sat on the sand, meditating. "Meditite meet your new master."

Meditite's large eyes opened to see Adam. He made a funny face and ran behind Jennifer when he saw him. He peeped from behind Jennifer, looking at the strange man.

"What's the matter little guy?" Adam asked the blue monkey. He starched out his finger so Meditite could smell it, instead he bit it.

Jennifer, put he hand over her lips and giggled.

The Elite Ygseto
07-01-2005, 02:06 AM
OCC: I got bored, and decided to finish this.

---
A couple days after receiving the new Pokemon Adam went to the beach to start training Meditite, whom he called Ninja sometimes. The brilliant sun rose above the warm orangey water. The cold morning air formed goose bumps on Adam's forearms. Warming himself by rubbing his arms he called out Meditite. "Come on out Meditite!" Adam threw out Meditite's pokeball. It hit the sand sinking in slightly and a small blue, monkey like Pokemon came out.

"Medi!" The little Pokemon yawned stretching his little arms. He scanned his soundings, taking a moment to look at the sunrise. Once he gaze upon his new master his eyes widened, and he grinned. Before Adam could say "hey" Meditite was off run across the shore, laughing wildly.

"Crap! Not again!" Adam said hanging his head. "This is the third time since I got him. He only listens to Jennifer now." He ran off trying to catch him.

Meditite ran over into Dewford cave. "Medi, Medi, Medi!" Meditite giggled, hiding behind a little rock.

Adam knew where Meditite was hiding, yet he acted like he didn't. "Meditite?! Where are you?!" Adam said pretending to look around the rocks." Humm Where did he go?"

"Medi, medi, medi" Meditite muffled a giggle.

"Huh?" Adam said unsurprised, "what was that?" He grinned, looking towards the rock where Medicham was hiding. "Is he back here?!" He shot behind the rock and grabbed Meditite.

"Mediiii!" Meditite squealed and laughed at the same time. He struggled to get away, but Adam's grip was to strong.

"Now listen here Ninja! You抮e my Pokemon, and I want you to start acting like it." Adam held Ninja in front of his face. "Okay?"

Meditite nodded his head, yes.

The Elite Ygseto
07-04-2005, 06:40 PM
---

A deep rumbling sent a tremor through the stone floor. Ruble fell from the roof and bounced off of Adam's head.

"Wonder what that was?" Adam said to himself. "Eh, never mind that, I need to go find an Onix." Adam got up and continued to walk along the same path as before.

After about an hour of walking in the damp cave Adam found himself in the same spot that he found Cubone. "Damn! I've been walking in a circle this whole time." Adam grabbed a pokeball with a water drop symbol on it. "Come on out Feraligatr, I need some company."

"Feraligatr!" Feraligatr roared. He stretched his huge leg and arm muscles. His watery blue skin was dulled by the dim light in the cave. "Gatr?"

"I need you to help me find an Onix. I think one is on the lower level, but I can't find a way down." Adam said to the menacing, blue beast.

"Feraligatr." Feraligatr nodded his head and got on all fours and places his ear to the stone floor. "Gatr!" He got up and blasted the stone floor with a Hydro Pump.

"What the hell are you doing?" Adam asked standing back from the insane animal.

Feraligatr put and paw up to Adam's face, shutting him up. Adam would have said something back to Feraligatr, but he was a whole lot stronger than him. Feraligatr pulled a fist back and slammed it into the area he sprayed with the Hydro Pump. The weakened ground cracked slightly from the blow.

"Ah! I get what you are doing now! You weakened it with the water, now you are trying to break through it." Adam said surprised that his Pokemon thought of it. "Hit it again!"

"Gatr!" Feraligatr nodded and slammed his fist into the ground again; pieces of the weakened rock fell to the lower floor. He slammed it one more time and a hole opened up big enough to let Feraligatr and Adam down.

"Good job man!" Jump down there and help me get down." Adam said. Feraligatr jumped down the hole and made a loud, dense thud when he hit the stone. "I'm coming down now!" Adam jumped down the hole where Feraligatr was waiting to catch him. Adam was almost in his arms, but Feraligatr sniffed the air and ran off towards the sent. Adam slammed against the hard floor. He passed out.

"Oww" Adam groaned as he started to get up, he had been down for about 30 minutes. "Damn Feraligatr! Where are you?"

"Gatr!" The sound was echoing through the caverns, but it was just ahead of him. He sounded hurried and in pain.

"I'm coming buddy!" Adam screamed when he got a surge of adrenaline. He ran at full speed down the dark tunnel. A groan came from Feraligatr. "I'm coming" When he got to the end of the tunnel, he couldn't believe what he saw.

"Nix!!!" A massive Onix roared at Feraligatr, who was trying to bite Onix. But Onix would just smack him against the wall.

"So you found one, then you tried to take it down by yourself. I thank you for that Feraligatr, but it looks like you could use some help." Adam said getting ready for the battle he had been waiting for. Feraligatr got up to his feet, still weakened, and smiled at Adam.

Feraligtr's body was bruised and battered. There was blood running from the side of his mouth, his knees, and his left eye, which was closed. He was torn up well, but he still had his characteristic will to fight. "Gatr!" He nodded, ready to go.

The Elite Ygseto
07-08-2005, 05:49 PM
OOC: THis is the fianal part of the story, it's now ready for grading. But if you grade it, please read the story in it's intireity.

---

"Let's get this party started!" Adam said; glad that he could finally find a damn Onix. "Use your Surf attack!" Adam stepped back, knowing the attack would have a wide range.

Feraligatr leaned back and spewed a huge amount of water from his large mouth at the menacing Onix, who stood about 10 feet taller that Feraligatr. His rocky segments sparked as they rubbed against each other. The water rush slammed into Onix with a devastating force. As the water subsided Onix was slammed into a wall.

"Onix!" Onix slithered out of the hole he created, roaring. Eh slapped Feraligatr, who was already weakened from the fight before. That last blow knocked him out easily.

"You did a good job Feraligatr! Now return!" Adam held out his pokeball and Feraligatr was sucked right in. "Now come out Medicham!" Adam threw out Medicham's ball.

"Medi!" Medicham said, rested from its previous battle with Cubone.

"Okay Medicham use a Hi-Jump-Kick!" Adam ordered.

Medicham ran over to Onix, then jumped high in the air and slammed him in the head with his foot. Since Onix is weak to fighting the attack did some good damage when coupled with the strong surf from Feraligatr.

"Nix!" Onix roared from the hit. He stumbled back and hit the wall behind him. The force from the wall sent rubble from the ceiling. He got back up, chipped and worn, not from the attack, but falling down.

"The bigger they are, the hard they fall." Adam said, "Now use one more Hi-Jump-Kick, but this time try and put as much force in it as possible!"

Medicham ran full force toward the foe; he jumped in the air, and slammed his foot into the hard, rocky head of Onix, cracking the diamond strong stone that made up his body. Onix fell to the ground with a large thud, sending a large piece of rock on top of him.

"Oh crap, Medicham use physic to get that rock off of him!" Adam commanded, worried that the rock would mess with Onix's slow breathing.

Medicham covered the large rock in a blue aura, and lifted it off of Onix. Medicham placed it over in a corner.

'Thanks Medicham." Adam said, "Now its time to catch this mofo!" Adam took out a heavy ball (That he order specifically for this capture) and threw it at the rock beast.

1...2... Will it lock?

Jack of Clovers
07-09-2005, 05:36 AM
Story:
I like the plot about catching Onix because it reminds Jennifer of Adam. awww :kiss:

Grammer:
Jennifer, put he hand over her lips and giggled. :signquestion:
Ruble fell from the roof and bounced off of Adam's head. ==>rubble. you got it right other times.
Feraligatr put and paw up to Adam's face :signquestion:
Eh slapped Feraligatr.. ==>I think you meant He.

just be careful and re-read what you write... slowly.

detail:
great job. I like the level of description you have.

battle:
It is short and Onix stands no chance against two Pokemon with s/e attacks against it. maybe during that time Adam is unconscious, you should write what happens between Feraligatr and Onix.
also, give Onix a chance... have it use the surroundings to help him escape?? just an idea.

realty:
lookin' good.

tips:
longer battle. and what I do for writing stories is not have battles where I have the clear advantage. makes it longer and more fun. :wink:

Outcome- Onix Not Captured!

~Jack~

The Elite Ygseto
07-09-2005, 04:04 PM
I rushed through the battle. I'll finish it. I'll also re-read it and fix those little mistakes.

The Elite Ygseto
07-09-2005, 04:42 PM
OOC: Ok, this is starting from here (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showpost.php?p=225059&postcount=9). I'm redoing the whole end of the story.

---

Feraligatr ran off through a tunnel. Behind him he heard Adam fall to the ground, but he didn't look back. He knew something was over there. Feraligatr got to the end of the tunnel and sniffed the air. Something was in that room.

"Gatr!" Feraligatr called out to any Pokemon that was around. A deep rumble came from under him. "Ferali! Feraligatr!" With the last call a huge black monster came shooting out of a large hole in the ground.

"Onix!" The Pokemon roared, shaking chunks of rock from the walls. Its body was made of huge black stone boulders. It's eyes where dark and grey, and its horn jagged and sharp, like an old arrowhead.

"Gatr!" Feraligatr said, challenging Onix to a battle. He was trying to weaken it before Adam found him. Adam was never really good at battling, he always tried to rush through them, and he rarely caught the Pokemon on the first try. But he always tried hard. That抯 what Feraligatr liked about him. "Feraligatr!" Feraligatr put up his claws in an old fighting stance Medicham taught him. He wiggled his fingers they seemed to say, "Come and get me, bicth."

Onix was taken aback that the Pokemon wanted to battle him so bad, as to taunt him. Onix had always been very strong, stronger than most of the other Onix that he met. He would beat them, and push them away from his cave. That抯 why he's the only one in the entire cave. And now a little Feraligatr wanted a piece of him, this is going to be too easy. "Onix!" Onix roared, agreeing to the match.

Feraligatr nodded, and rushed towards the onix, with claws ready to slice. His claws could sut though steel, that抯 why Feraligatr where mainly used to help with construction and home repair. A Feraligatr and Machamp could do the work of 5 men, in a lot less time. Feraligatr struck Onix's tough stone body. He slashed at him with both arms. But they did now damage to the diamond tough stone of the Onix. Feraligatr looked stunned that he did no damage, but before he could even end the thought, Onix slammed him with his massive tail.

"Nix!" Onix laughed at the hurt Feraligatr. Feraligatr tried to get up from the ground, but every time he did, Onix would slam him back down. Each time it would make a deeper hole.

"Gatr!" Feraligatr roared down the tunnel where he left Adam.

The Elite Ygseto
07-09-2005, 05:55 PM
"Oww" Adam groaned as he started to get up, he had been down for about 30 minutes. "Damn Feraligatr! Where are you?"

"Gatr!" The sound was echoing through the caverns, but it was just ahead of him. He sounded hurried and in pain.

"I'm coming buddy!" Adam screamed when he got a surge of adrenaline. He ran at full speed down the dark tunnel. A groan came from Feraligatr. "I'm coming" When he got to the end of the tunnel, he couldn't believe what he saw.

"Nix!!!" A massive Onix roared at Feraligatr, who was trying to bite Onix. But Onix would just smack him against the wall.

"So you found one, then you tried to take it down by yourself. I thank you for that Feraligatr, but it looks like you could use some help." Adam said getting ready for the battle he had been waiting for. Feraligatr got up to his feet, still weakened, and smiled at Adam.

Feraligtr's body was bruised and battered. There was blood running from the side of his mouth, his knees, and his left eye, which was closed. He was torn up well, but he still had his characteristic will to fight. "Gatr!" He nodded, ready to go.

---


"Let's get this party started!" Adam said; glad that he could finally find a damn Onix. "Use your Surf attack!" Adam stepped back, knowing the attack would have a wide range.

Feraligatr leaned back and spewed a huge amount of water from his large mouth at the menacing Onix, who stood about 10 feet taller that Feraligatr. His rocky segments sparked as they rubbed against each other. The water rush slammed into Onix with a devastating force. As the water subsided Onix was slammed into a wall.

"Onix!" Onix slithered out of the hole he created, roaring. Eh slapped Feraligatr, who was already weakened from the fight before. That last blow knocked him out easily.

"You did a good job Feraligatr! Now return!" Adam held out his pokeball and Feraligatr was sucked right in. "Now come out Medicham!" Adam threw out Medicham's ball.

"Medi!" Medicham said, rested from its previous battle with Cubone.

"Okay Medicham use a Hi-Jump-Kick!" Adam ordered.

Medicham ran over to Onix, then jumped high in the air and slammed him in the head with his foot. Since Onix is weak to fighting the attack did some good damage when coupled with the strong surf from Feraligatr.

"Nix!" Onix roared from the hit. He stumbled back and hit the wall behind him. The force from the wall sent rubble from the ceiling. He got back up, chipped and worn, not from the attack, but falling down.

"The bigger they are, the hard they fall." Adam said, "Now use one more Hi-Jump-Kick, but this time try and put as much force in it as possible!"

Medicham ran full force toward the foe; he jumped in the air, and slammed his foot into the hard, rocky head of Onix, cracking the diamond strong stone that made up his body. Onix fell to the ground with a large thud, sending a large piece of rock on top of him.

"Oh crap, Medicham use physic to get that rock off of him!" Adam commanded, worried that the rock would mess with Onix's slow breathing.

Medicham covered the large rock in a blue aura, and lifted it off of Onix. Medicham placed it over in a corner.

'Thanks Medicham." Adam said, "Now its time to catch this mofo!" Adam took out a heavy ball (That he order specifically for this capture) and threw it at the rock beast.

1...2... Will it lock?

---

The ball blasted open!

"Onix!" The angered Onix roared. He pulled back his tail, it started to glow!

"Ah, this might be bad." Adam said, knowing that Onix was about to use his Iron Tail attack. "Medicham, you might want to brace your self!"

"Onixxxxx!" Onix roared as he brought his iron tail down on Medicham. It hit Medicham right in the head, knocking him down into the stone ground. Onix slithered back into the hole he came out of.

"Medicham!" Adam screamed, running down to check on his Pokemon. "Are you okay?"

"Medi" Medicham said weakly, giving a thumbs up.

"Good," Adam smiled, "Now return and take a good break."

Adam walked over to the hole Onix went though. He looked down. "I'm not going to let that bastard get away, but I'm out of Pokemon. Medicham, Feraligatr, and Cubone are all very weak." Adam said. He stood there for a minute, thinking. "Holy crap, how could I forget this?!" Adam grabed his bag, and pulled out a small, gold pokeball from a velvet bag. He through it at the gound. The ball popped open, revealing the Pokemon inside.

"Flygon! Fly Fly!" A large, brown, buggy looking Pokemon said. It was Adam's first Pokemon, his Flygon!

"It抯 a good thing I always bring you with me isn't?" Adam said to the Flygon, who nodded. "There is an Onix down in that hole, we need to go find it." Flygon nodded again. He put down his wings and allowed Adam to climb on his back.

Flygon set off through the large tunnel. It was wide enough to allow Flygon to fly in. They went on for what seemed forever, until they got to a large open area on top of the cave. Over on the other side was the Onix, nursing its wounds with its rough tounge.

"Onix! We got some stuff to finish!" Adam said to the large black Pokemon.

"Onix" Onix said weakly. Now that they where in the sunlight, Onix looked really beaten.

"Oh, crap." Adam said, cringing. "Will you come with me this time? If you do I'll take you to the Pokecenter and get you healed up, then we can get a nice meal."

Onix nodded after thinking it over. He didn't want to leave his territory, but with a trainer, he might just become a Steelix.

"Okay!" Adam said happily, "Go Pokeball!" The pokeball hit the onix and sucked it in. It started to rock.

12 Will it lock?

Jack of Clovers
07-10-2005, 08:00 AM
good additions. I think it could be better but it's good enough.

Outcome- Onix Captured!

~Jack~

The Elite Ygseto
07-10-2005, 04:19 PM
Everything can be better. Thanks!