PDA

View Full Version : Flower garden of recollection


DarkGardevoir
04-25-2005, 06:12 PM
Here's my new story.......Hope you like it(more of 13000 words....hard to wrote)

ATTENTION! My eevee can evolve now,so in this story she evolve.

The Flower Garden of recollection


The Flower Garden of recollection

"Where I can go now?" I said "Mmmhhh....I don't know.....Maybe...Uh?A Sunkern?"

A little sunkern had a Sunbathe in the grass

"Oh,I want it!Go,Scyther!"

The Scyther came out from the ball "Scyy-ther!" he said

"Scyther,fury cutter"

The Scyther attacked the little pokčmon,but while he hit it,a razor leaf stopped the Scyther.

"Who used the- W-what?A storm of grass pokčmon?"

There was many grass pokčmon,in which Vileplume,Weepinbell,Sunflora and Shroomish.

"Whoa!There are the most big grass pokčmon's group.Scyther,wing attack!"

The Scyther flied and attacked the grass pokčmon,but They used their stun powder and paralyzed him.

"No,Scyther!Get you up again!"

The Scyther was knell down,he tried to raise him,but he can't.Meanwhile,the grass pokčmon absorbed light to strike their solar beam....

"Stop you,flower!" a woman said.

The grass pokčmon stopped to absorb light.

"Who are you?" I said.

"Who are you,and why you're here?"

"Excuse me,I'm Zantetsu,but if you want you can call me Zan.Now,who are you,and where I am?"

"I'm Violet,and this is my flower garden.Why you came here?"

"Ehm.....I'm searching pokčmon,but I don't know this was a flower garden.Excuse me again."

"Well,you didn't do anything,so why I would excuse you?"

"Thanks Violet.Now,can you cure my Scyther?Please,he's affected by your pokčmon's powder."

"Oh,really?Ok,follow me." so we went to an house. "Ok,open the ball and call your Scyther."

"Ok Violet....Go,Scyther." scyther came out from the ball "How do you feel?"

He looked to me "Ttheer....Scyther."

"Hmm....he doesn't feel good.Well,this should resolve his problem." She took a little perfume-bottle. "In this phial there's a special scent with therapeutic properties.Use them to cure your Scyther."

"Thanks,Violet.Scyther,smell this.It's for you."

Scyther looked me suspicious "Scyy?"

"So you don't trust me?"

"Safe bind,safe find....Scyther,if you wanna be good,you must smell this.It's for you."

Scyther looked her suspocious,but he started tho smell the scent.

"Good scyther" she said,stroking him "Now,leave him alone."

we leaved the house and we walked in the garden

"Your Scyther wil be fine in a few hours.Don't worry about him."

"thanks Violet."

"No,thanks you.Now I can talk with you.You know,it's hard to talk with pokčmon......they can't reply you."

"It's real,they try to reply you,but you don't undersand their language."

"Ahahaha......Zan,you're a really good boy." she said. "Zan,can I ask you something?"

"Yes,why not?What you wanna know?"

"That Scyther is your first pokčmon?"

"No,he isn't.My first pokčmon was this eevee.Go eevee."

Eevee came out from the ball. "Eeevo!" she said.

"Oh,it's so cute.Hello eevee!" she greeted her.

"Ueevo" she said.

Violet said "Oh,she's very fond to you.It's a pleasure to see."

"Thanks Violet.Hmm....I too wanna ask you somethings."

"Uh?What you wanna know?"

"Ehm.....where we are?"

"Oh......yes.Well,we are in the 'Flower Garden Of Recollection'."

"Flower Garden Of Recollection?"

"It's a strange name,you think,yes?"

"Well........yes,it's a strange name.Why have this name?"

"My granny founded this place.She told me that she created this place because she want a place where everyone can remind their memories."

We walked in al cleaned path,in a tree-lined avenue....

"Whoa.it's so wonderful..."

"Seems you like it.Now we are in the Path of the Sun...."

"Nice name!" I said,walking. "There's a strange atmosphere here.....Is.....so peaceful...."

"You aren't the first saying that.....This is my favourite place...And is the Sunkern's,too."

The sunkern came out from a bush." Kiklen." he said and he started having sunbathe.

"Uhm....Call him stupid....." I said

"yeah....Oh,now your Scyther must be fine."

"Really?Thanks,Violet."

"Uhm......shall we return to the Rainbow Hall?"

"Rainbow Hall?This is the strange name's fair!Well,why not.But while we return,you tell me the name of all the places."

"Ok."

While returning to the Hall,the wind blowed too strong.

"What happening?" Violet said.

"I don't know-what's that?"

A giant Fearow flied in the garden.

"What?A Fearow here?In this area isn't fearow!"

"What?! so this Fearow is of a trainer."

A voice said "Exaclty,this is my Fearow!Go Fearow,gust!"

The Fearow tossed his wing and caused a tornado.

"Gasp!" Violet said "Help me,Zan!"

"Violet! Cling you to a tree!"

"Ahahaha!You can't compete with me!" The trainer said

"Who are you?" I asked to him

"Uh?You remind me a person.Well,I'm Gorthan,and now I capture all the pokčmon are there."

"What?!You're a poacher?" Violet said

"Ahahaha!Yes,i'm a poacher.Now is time to get some pokčmon.Go,Nosepass!Sand Tomb!"

The Compass pokčmon came out from the ball and trapped all the grass pokčmon of the garden in a sand trap.

"No!!!Free them,please!" Violet said

"Why? For these pokčmon my customers will give me many money! "

"But...these aren't yours!Please,free them."

"Ahahaha.......No."

"Grrr.....Eevee,go!Take down the fearow!" I said.

Eevee charged the Fearow,and hit him.

"Ahaha!Fearow,peck that eevee!"

The Fearow pecked Eevee,weakening her

"No,Eevee!!" I yelled "Please resist!Bite now!"

Eevee focused her energy,and bited Fearow.

"Fearow,steel wing!"

"Eevee,dodge the attack using quick attack!"

Fearow's wings turned into steel and charged eevee,who dodged the attack and hit fearow.

"Fearow,reuse the steel wing!"

Fearow re used the steel wing,and now hit eevee.

"Eevee!Are you ok?"

"e-eevo.." said eevee,flatted down.

"AHAHA!Now finish him with your drill peck!"

Fearow was attacking eevee,when he heard a strange noise......

"What is this?"

Scyther appeared and slashed fearow.

"What?! A Scyther?" Ghortan said

"No.My Scyther!" Scyther approached to me "Are you alright,now?" Scyther nodded "Ok,lets' go,now!Scyther,Wing attack!"

"Ahaha.....using a bug versus my flying?You're crazy!Fearow,Drill Peck!"

Fearow tryed to peck Scyther,but he dodged the attack and used his wing to hit him.

"Go now,use the Slash!"

"Fearow,Fly!"

Scyther slashed Fearow,but he flied and dodged the attack.

"Now use the Drill Peck!"

"What the-" Fearow falled down to peck scyther "Scyther,stop his beak with your arm!"

Fearow pecked Scyther,but he stopped his attack with his blade arm.

"Good job,Scyther.Now jump e slash him!"

"Fearow!drill peck again!"

Fearow tried to free him from Scyther's vice,Scyther jumped and hit fearow's wings,who fells down.

"FEAROW!Sit up!"

"Scyther,finish him with another slash!"

Scyther hit Fearow,and KO him.

"Grrr....Nosepass!Rock slide!"

The compass pokčmon came out from the ball and hit Scyther

"Scyther!!Are you alright?"

"Scytheeeer...scy."

"Stop you Scyther!" Violet said. "I'll see to it.Go Venom!Razor Leaf!"

A Venusaur came out from Violet's ball,and throwed a lot of leaves to Nosepass,hit him.

"Nosepass,zap cannon!"

"Venom,razor leaf again!"

Nosepass created an electric sphere,Venusaur re used the razor leaf,the two attack crashed and nullified.

"Venom,solar beam!"

"Nosepass Zap cannon again!"

Venusaur absorbed sun's energy,and was hit by the Nosepass's zap cannon.

'Venusaur can't resist at another attack,but the solar beam didn't is ready...' in that moment,Sunkern came out from a bush. 'Oh,Sunkern......uhm,he can........yes!' "Sunkern!" I said.Sunkern turned to me. "Sunkern,can you bring the sun?"

Sunkern looked me confused

"Please,Sunkern,you can do this.Use the Sunny day,or that man steal your friends!"

Sunkern looked me again confused

"Oh dear......." I said.

"Sunkern,you understand me?Use the Sunny day attack!" Violet said

"Kiklean!" Sunkern said,and started shining

"Go Sunkern!Sunny Day!" Violet said

Sunkern shone and created a light ball....The sun started bright.

"YES!You made it!Great Sunkern!" I said.

"Venom,strike your solarbeam!"Violet yelled

"Argh!Nosepass,Zap cannon!"

the two beam crashed,and the solar beam erased Zap Cannon,hit Nosepass

"Argh!I'm not beaten.Go Salamence!Outrage!"

Salamence came out from the ball,and breathed on venusaur.

"No,Venom!"

Venusaur fainted after this attack...

"Ahaha...You can't beat me!"

DarkGardevoir
05-09-2005, 01:40 PM
'What can i do?Violet's pokčmon is fainted and mine can't fight yet......But we can't let leave him...' Eevee tried to raise herself "Eevee,you're too weak.You can't fight!"

"Eeveo!"

"You're right eevee,but..."

"Ueveo!Eeve evo!"

"Ok.....but be careful..Eevee,try a bite!"

"Ahaha...your little pokčmon want a rematch?Salamence,hyper beam!"

"Eevee,jump to dodge the attack and use an headbutt!"

Salamence striked a powerful beam,but Eevee was able to evade it and hit salamence

"Now bite eevee!"

"Salamence!Outrage again!"

Eevee bited the dragon,but was hit too...

"No,eevee!Come back!"

"Oeevo!" she said.

"Eevee!This is an order!Come back now!"

"UEEVO!" she said and started shining

"What happen?"Ghortan said.

Eevee evolved herself into an Espeon. "Espy!" she said

"Whoa!My eevee evolved?"

She turned to me 'Zan' she said 'I'm evolved for you.Now we can beat him.'

"W-what?You can talk with me?"

'I'm a psychic pokčmon,slowpoke!'

"Oh,yes....I've forgot that.Go Eve-ehm,go Espeon!"

"What?!An Espeon?I must catch him!Go Salamence!Outrage again!"

"Espeon,swift!"

Espeon maded a strange star-shaped beam and throwed to Salamence,who flinched.

"Go with psychic,now!" I said.

"Salamence!Fly!"

Salamence flied,and Espeon's psychic missed..

"Espeon,read the wind and dodge his attack.Then use another Psychic!"

Espeon focused herself,waiting Salamence's return.Salamence went down to hit espeon but....she disappeared and striked a psychic sphere to the foe

"Grrr....Salamence,Dragon Breath!"

"Espeon,Psybeam!"

the moves crushed unleashing powerful energy,who hit both the pokčmon

"Salamence,wake up!" Ghortan cry

"Uhm.....The sunlight still bright.....Espeon,recover your energy and use morning sun!"

The sun brighted on Espeon,giving her energy.

"Espeon,future sight!"

"Salamence!Now crush him with a Dragon Claw!"

Espeon foresighted an attack,and was hit by Salamence's attack.

"Don't worry,Espeon.Morning Sun again."

"Don't give him the time,Dragon Claw again!"

Salamence attacked espeon,who jumped dodgind the attack and used Monring sun.

"Great!Now psychic!"

"Salamence!Outrage!"

Salamence hit Espeon,damagind her seriously,but was hit from psychic too.

"ehehe......Espeon,Psychic!"

"Salamence,Outrage!!"

Espeon made an enegetic ball,striking it to salamence,who hit with his outrage.

'Uhm......outrage maded him confused...good for me.Now the future sight will hit' "Espeon,Psychic!"

"Salamence!Hyper beam!"

Salamence tried to hit Espeon,but he was confused and miss his target,Espeon striked her psychic ball who,with the future sight,destroied Salamence.

"Salamence!You're a brat!"

"You've lose,Ghortan.Free the pokčmon you've stealed."

"ahaha.You really believed this?I never free them!"

"Really?Ok.Go,Scyther!Cut that net!"

"scyyyyyyyyyyyy!" said,went and slashed the net.

"Noooooooooo!My stealed pokčmon"

"thanks for all Zan.Now,my dear flowers,strike your solarbeams!"

All the flower pokčmon of the garden started absorbing energy...

"Sunkern,sunny day again!"

"Espeon,Psychic!"

Sunkern brought the sun again,and the other flower striked the most powerful beam to the poacher's pokčmon

"Whoa!I have an Espeon!"

"Is a really cute pokčmon.And is strong too!" Violet said "By the way,I think a pokč want battle you."

Sunkern came out from a bush

"Oh,really?Can I fight him?"

"Yes."

"Ok,let's start!Go Espeon!Psychic!"

Espeon maded a psycho ball and striked it to Sunkern,who countered with a leech seed.

"Espeon!Evade and use a psybeam attack."

"Esp eon!" She said,and tried evade the attack,but can't,then used psybeam,hit Sunkern. "Kiklen!" ,said draining Espeon's energy with a Giga drain attack.

"Espeon!Psychic!"

Espeon used psychic,but Sunkern's seed paralyzed her,giving at Sunkern time to bring the sun.

"Espeon!Focus your mind on your target.Psychic!"

"Ueon ien." She said,and striked her psychic,hit Sunkern

"Good!Now Swift!"

Espeon striked a star-shaped beam to Sunkern,who was hit and synthetized light.

"Espeon!Psychic!Don't give him time!"

Espeon focused her energy to strike the most powerful psychic.

"Another Swift,then psychic!"

"Espeeer!" said striking these attack.Sunkern started syntetizing the sunlight.

"espeon,now another psychic!" I yelled

Sunkern was hit by the psychic,tried to attack espeon,but was confsed and Espeon was able to evade.Sunkern stagged

"Now.Go pokčball!" i throwed a pokčball to sunkern. The ball fliched.... 'Please.....I wanna catch you' .......

Jack of Clovers
05-10-2005, 08:33 AM
this story will be graded by Ygseto for his Grader Test. please stand by.

~Jack~

The Elite Ygseto
05-10-2005, 09:06 PM
w00t! My grader test.

Story- I've heard this story on the Pokemon Anime so many times. Kind of boreing and unorginal. 10/25

Grammar/Spelling- This was not good. You where constantly missing words. You left out spaces in betwine words and periods. Here is a good example of what i'm talking about;

"Ahaha!Fearow,peck that eevee!"

You did not captilize Eevee, the is no space between Fearow and the '!'. also you rarely said who was talking so that had me confused most of the time. There are to many examples to list. I higly recomend you using a word prossessor. 3/25

Realism- Well, ton's of pokes where sent out. I don't think that there would really be so many of those in real life. But other than that it was O.K. 10/25

Battle- There where alot of battles in this, but all of them where short and undetailed, especially the one with Sunkern. Overall they where very poor. 5/25

Outcome- 27/100 = Not Captured. The story was unorgianl and the grammer was hidious. Next time use a Word program.

BTW: My grading scale is that you need a 70 or higher to pass.

Jack of Clovers
05-12-2005, 06:38 AM
adding on--

story: i thought the garden idea was interesting. the length was adaquate. overall, basic first story but needs improvement.

detail:
describe everything! i can't stress this enough. what do these characters look like? what does the setting look like? maybe there's a smell in the air. details fill in the gaps and give more to the reader.

grammer:
as ygseto touched, it is pretty bad. from the first sentence to the last, the story was very, very hard to read. here's a tip, read the story to yourself outloud and you will be able to hear why it doesn't make sense.
also, re-read everything you write. and if those two suggestions aren't enough, use a Word program and use Grammer/Spell Check for help.
other notes: when using "quotes" please use the double " rather than the single ' . you can spell therapeutic but not simpler words :eh: and watch your tenses. the present tense of 'flied' is 'flew'. you also switches was and were around a bunch of times.

battle:
very short. if you add more detail and show the reader how the battle happens, it would be longer and better... and more interesting. how exactly does Espeon focus energy for Psychic attack? maybe you can use the surroundings to help the battle.

realty:
seems ok. though, i don't get why/where Scyther came from.

tips:
edit this story with all the improvements needed, mainly spelling and grammer. once you edit and post again, then i can help point out more specific areas you need to work on when it comes to grammer/spelling.

Outcome- Sunkern Not Captured!

good work ygseto. you've done it. pass.

~Jack~

The Elite Ygseto
05-13-2005, 08:45 PM
w00t! Thanks Jack.