View Full Version : PE2k's Stand up comedy!

Tamer Marco
03-22-2004, 12:24 AM
Tell jokes and just be funny here!

03-22-2004, 12:31 AM
Okay, this is going to be stupid so don't rate it!

Why couldn't the child get into the pirate movie?
Some stupid guy: Why?
Because it was rated Arrgghhhhh! :lol:

Obviously taken off of Spongebob. I don't want to tell some of my jokes though. Some are not for this site. :silenced:

Tamer Marco
03-22-2004, 12:45 AM
Yeah that was not funny.

Heres one but I didn't make it up. Lucky did.

Three men were caught by a canibal king and the king said he would spare thier lives if they did a task. He told them to get 10 fruits of each kind and come back to him with the fruit. The first man came back with 10 apples. The canibal king told him he had to shove the fruit up his a** without a look on his face. On the second apple he winced in pain and was killed. The second man came back with 10 cherrys and told him the task. On the 9th he laughed and was killed. In heaven the two met and the first one said: You could of been free! Why did you laugh?! He second man said"I saw the last dude come with pinapples.

03-22-2004, 12:48 AM
LOL! That's pretty funny! That would really hurt! :lol:

EDIT: I just remembered one! It's a your mama joke.

Your Mama's so dumb, she stares at an orange juice carton for 40 minutes because it says concentrate! :lol:

The Elite Ygseto
03-22-2004, 03:29 AM
Wow ya'll are really funny[/sracasm]. I want to be a stand up camedian when i grow up. I'll put some of material up later.

03-22-2004, 04:09 AM
Alright i've got a couple of jokes some of them are blonde jokes but please no one take offense i mean they are just jokes:wink:

Joke #1

Alright, a redhead, a brunette and a blonde get a job working for a construction company. On their first day the boss meets them and gives them each a task for the day. He tells the redhead she's in charge of collecting bricks. He tells the brunette she's in charge of moving the dirt. Finally he tells the blonde she's in charge of the supplies. At the end of the day the man returns to see how they've done. He sees the redhead standing in front of a large pile of brick's and tells her she did a good job. He notices that the brunette is standing in front of a large pile of dirt and also commends her on a good job. "But where's the blonde" the man asks. And with that out jumps the blonde from behind the pile of dirt shouting "SUPPLIES".

Drums: Bada boom ching

Joke #2 (i promise this is funnier)

Okay so there's 3 idiots walking through the forest and they see some tracks. "Hey guys these are moose tracks", says the first guy. "No, they're dog tracks!", the second man replies. "You guys are both wrong they're bear tracks!" argues the third, and then they all got hit by a train.

Drums: Bada boom ching

Joke #3

An idiots friend drives over to the idiot's house only to see him in his garage building something tirelessly. "What're you building?" The friend questions. "A rocket ship, I'm gonna to fly to the sun." The idiot replies. "You can't fly to the sun! It's too hot you'd burn up and die!" The friend shouts. The idiot replies "It's okay, i'm going at night."

Crickets: chirp chirp

Joke #4 (alright alright last joke)

How do you get a one armed idiot out of a tree?
Wave to him!


Neo Emolga
03-22-2004, 04:30 AM
LOL! That's pretty funny! That would really hurt! :lol:

EDIT: I just remembered one! It's a your mama joke.

Your Mama's so dumb, she stares at an orange juice carton for 40 minutes because it says concentrate! :lol:

Those are called dozens. There's usually pretty funny, I know a load of them.

~Your family is so poor I stepped on a cigarette and you mom said "Hey, who turned off the heat?"

~Your family is so poor I asked if I could go to the bathroom, and your mom said "sure, pick a corner."

~Your house is so small I walked through the front door and stepped right into the back yard.

~Your father is so ugly he walked into Friendy's and they punched him in the face.

~Your momma's so fat I had to take two trains and a bus to get on her good side.

~Your momma's so fat Greenpeace pushed her right back into the ocean.

~Your momma's so stupid it took her an hour to make minute rice.

I wouldn't go and look for more if I were you. There are some pretty dirty ones out there.

03-22-2004, 05:08 AM
Yes, the bad side of comedy for sure. I don't post bad jokes because I don't want to get in trouble or ruin my reputation and become someone hated. :wink:

The Elite Ygseto
03-22-2004, 02:19 PM
let me post one your mama joke.

Your Mama so fat she wore a Red Bathing Suit to the beach and all the people yelled "KoolAid".

Tamer Marco
03-22-2004, 11:44 PM
Hey! You guys stole my funny! Give me back my funny! This one is a new joke. Lets start talking about a new hair color!

Joke: Three women walk into a bar and the bartender asks the first lady:"How did you get you're hair so red"? "Oh it's natural" she replied while patting her head. Then he asked the second girl "How did you get you're hair so brown"? "Oh it's natural" she replied while patting her head. Then he finally asked the last girl "How did you get you're hair so green"? ''Oh it's natural" she replied while sticking her fingers in her nose and patting her head.

Agent Orange
03-23-2004, 09:56 PM
Ive got a few. Please nobody take offence.

Joke 1: Your mommas like MCdonalds, shes on every continent.

Joke 2: There were three people in a car: A smart guy, a normally intelligent guy, and an Idiot. They were speeding down a hill in a car. At the bottom of the hill there was a lake. The Smart guy hits the brakes and says "They dont work!" The Average guy covers his eyes, and the Idiot says, "Don worry! Well be fine!"

"Why?!" The average guy asks.

"Because." the Idiot replys, "Theres a stop sign at the bottom!"

Joke 3: How do you make a blonde drown? Put a Scratch n' sniff sticker underwater and tell her to sniff it.

03-24-2004, 01:20 PM
I know loads of blonds ones. Like: How do you know when a blonde's been on a computer? There's tippex on the screen.

03-26-2004, 06:21 PM
There were three men, a plumber, a baker, and an army guy, and they found a geney. He granted them each one wish. The baker wished that wat ever he touched would turn to bread. The plumber wished that whatever he touched would get holes and start leaking. The army guy wished that what ever he touched would blow up. One day they were walking n the woods. A mosquito came by. It landed on the plumbers stomach. He slapped and missed and his stomach started leaking. The mosquito landed on the bakers arm. He slapped and missed. His arm turned to bread. Then the mosquiteo landed on the army guys head. He slapped and missed.

Okay bad joke.

03-28-2004, 12:34 PM
Heres onwne my brother made:

A Panda goes into a restaurant. After his meal the waiter returns and says, "Any desert sir?"
The Panda gets out a gun and shoots the waiter, another one comes along and shouts "What the hell did you do that for?" The Panda replies "Go get a dictionary, come back and read the definition of Panda."

The waiter disappeas and returns to find the Panda is missing. He reads the definition anyway: Panda- Eats, Shoots and Leaves.

*Tumbleweed rolls past*

Pink Yoshi
03-28-2004, 01:52 PM
Jokes, hu? Well, here's one, (no offence) but no one will get it if they dont know these people...

Lunar: Ok, im thinking of a Pokemon, any pokemon...
Dream: Pikachu!
Me: Makuhita!
Dream: Entei!
Me: Bayleef!
Dream: Persian!
Me: Quilava!
Dream: Torchic!
Me: Croconaw!
Dream: Noctowl!
Me: Flaafy!
*this goes on for a really long time*
Lunar: I cant believe you guys arent getting this!
Dream: Skiploom!
Me: Quagsire!
Dream: Misdrevous!
Me: Slugma!
Dream: Furret!
Me: Yanma!
Dream: Remoraid!
Me: Mantine!
Dream: Qwilfish!
Me: Meditite!
Dream: Dunsparce!
Me: Swablu!
Dream: Sudowoodo!
Lunar: GUYS!!! I'll give you a clue: Giovanni.

*crickets chirping*

03-28-2004, 04:47 PM
I have one. Please don't take any offense to this.

There's a Chinese dude, Russian dude, and an American dude.
The Chinese dude throws a rock an says, "This Is For My Country!!"
Later he sees a little boy crying and he says, "What is wrong little boy?"
The little boy says, "Someone threw a rock and hit me in the head,"
The Chinese dude says, "That's so sad."
The Russian dude throws a knife an says, "This Is For My Country!!"
Later he sees a little girl crying and he says, "What is wrong little girl?"
The little girl says, "Someone threw a knife and it hit my cat, killing it,"
The Russian dude says, "That's so sad."
The American dude throws a gernade an says, "This Is For My Country!!"
Later he sees a little boy laughing and he says, "Why are you laughing little boy?"
The little boy says, "My dad farted and the house blew up."

Agent Orange
03-28-2004, 04:51 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: :lol:
That's soooo funny!

Pink Yoshi
03-28-2004, 06:26 PM
LOL!!! XD XD XD XD XD!!!! ROFL!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
*cant stop laughing*

Tamer Marco
03-29-2004, 12:02 AM

That was too funny.

03-29-2004, 01:55 AM
LOL!!!! LOL!!!!! LOL!!!!

That was SO funny!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

The Dragon Killer
03-29-2004, 12:56 PM
it's best all around :lol: :lol: :lol:


03-29-2004, 01:16 PM
A man comes laughing to the cops station,
he says : ''My car is stolen ! ''
Cop : But why are you laughing ?
Man : My mother-in-law was in it :biggrin: