View Full Version : Lost - Already! (parts 2, 3, and 4)

03-03-2008, 12:30 AM
NOTE: This IS a continuation of a previous story, but it can be read without the other part. For whoever grades it, there is a brief recap scattered throughout the story, but you may find it useful to read the other part.

Part Two
I Ruin my Salvation

The beams of light that had cut through the canopy had now faded, leaving only glimpses of a changing evening sky. The forest had lost it's eerie beauty, and now it seemed plain that it was like all others; tangled and matted and left alone or cut down for a reason. My footprints cut through the loamy soil of the dried river, but filled up again. No human life was ever meant to walk such a desolate road. In the dappled morning light it had been my golden bridge of hope, my salvation from the wild, but now that it was dark the gold had faded to an ocherous brown, no longer speckled and banded with mica.

I was terribly and permanently alone, afraid to let my injured Pokemon walk beside me lest we be assaulted by one of the numerous scurrying shadows of beasts that fled at my footfalls. Even what I knew to be a Rattata or Starly was warped and twisted by the light into some horrific phoenix, risen from the dead to bring despair where there had once been hope. I felt tears well in the corner of my eyes, running down the now dirt-encrusted surface of my face and through my gold-brown locks, not winding majestically but rather falling among the curls and dampening them. It was sheer despair that dried my eyes and made me walk on, one foot after the other, eyes fixed ahead, hoping that soon the forest would break.


My heart leaped out of my chest, and I stumbled back as the large, green creature leapt out in front of me. Wickedly shaped scythes, which gave the creature it's name, crested the forearms, and lemon-yellow eyes gazed out at me, seeming to gleam with an almost a human intelligence. It looked like I was regarded as a threat, but something made the creature fall short of attacking, it only gazed at me before looking over it's shoulder. Something crashed through the underbrush beside it, leaping and skidding on the smooth rocks before becoming still.

“What's the matter, Grimm?” the blur asked, and my eyes finally settled on a shape. The boy was almost my age, maybe a year or two older, and his face was even dirtier than mine. Leaves and twigs were twined in his strawberry blond hair, which must of hung in waves to his chin some time ago. Blue eyes met my green, and without acknowledging me he turned back to the Scyther. “You've got to be kidding me! She's not a ghost.”

“Scyther!” Grimm insisted, with a sigh it launched into a long sentence, considering it was a Pokemon, “Scy-scy-scyther! Scy!” It, a he judging by my limited view, explained with a flourish, gazing steadily at me, and then shifting it's eyes to the pack around my waist. My mind began to pick out the fragments of the conversation that made sense, and just as I figured out what Grimm was excited about, the boy's face lit up.

“Oh! She HAS a ghost... Right. I still don't get it.” he said, shifting his weight on the blue and silver bike. I noticed that he had a different accent than me, and wondered vaguely if he had come from across the ocean somewhere, not Sinnoh.

“Um... I'm right here...” I murmured, annoyed. The boy turned around and grinned sheepishly. “And I think I know what... er... Grimm means. You see, my Shinx and I wondered into this mansion and caught a Gastly. That might be what he's worried about.” Grimm nodded, grinning. The fact that I had understood seemed to make him less wary of me The boy was still looking sheepish, as if he had forgotten something.

“Oh, I guess you're right... And I'm sorry, it's kind of a habit... I was born on the Sevii Islands, so there were never a lot of people around. My name's Gavin, by the way... Er... Gavin White...” He turned a violent shade of crimson, and I stifled a laugh by biting my tongue. Gavin might be my only chance of getting out of this forsaken place, so I guess I just had to swallow my pride. No reason getting sore over his distracted manner.

“Jodie Wellesley, pleasure.” I said, reaching out a scarred hand. He winced through his teeth at the sight of the numerous scars inflicted by a Murkrow that had decided to assault me and Zip (my Shinx) earlier that day. He took it tenderly and wrung it once, as if he were afraid of ripping open the scabs that lay delicately over breaks in my skin. For a moment he looks thoughtful, and then he gasped.

“Wellesley, as in STELLA Wellesley?” he asked, eyes lighting up and sparkling briefly. I sighed and gave a resigned nod, as he was referring to my mother, a regrettably famous trainer. “Wow! That's neat! I mean, you, related to one of the best trainers on Earth... Kinda hard to believe, actually, considering you're wandering around in the woods with tear streaks down your face, but, still...” I stiffened, and he cringed, suddenly realizing what he had said. Grimm let out a growl and stepped forward, ready to attack should I harm his master.

“I'm her daughter, actually,” I said in resignation, stepping back. Grimm relaxed, with a wary expression on his face. It was clear that I would not get close to Gavin with him around, even if I meant no harm in doing so. Gavin knew it too, I could tell, but he was keeping Grimm out for a reason. Like the Scyther, the boy was also wary of me, and no doubt my heritage hadn't helped me gain any ground in this situation.

“Alright,” Gavin said, breaking the uncomfortable silence, “I think we need to get you out of here now. We're going to Eterna to have my bike tuned up for the Sinnoh Tour, but I can get you to Floaroma afterwards if that's where you're heading.” I was astounded by how lightly he mentioned the Sinnoh Tour, one of the biggest bike races. Period. The riders were all highly trained, highly toned, the best of their home teams. It was hard for me to believe that Gavin, scarcely older than I, was the best rider of the islands, which were grouped together since they had a low population individually. I didn't say anything, because he was giving me a warning glance, and I didn't want to ruin my chance to get out of here.

“Oh,” I managed to say, “that's fine, I was going that way... Just got sidetracked a bit.”

“Sorry, Grimm, I've got to put you away,” he said, nodding to acknowledge my statement, “Don't worry, she's not going to hurt me, I don't think.” I didn't know if he was joking or not. Grimm nodded, and in a flash of red light the Scyther disappeared. Gavin turned to me and grinned, turning a shade of salmon. Whatever he was going to say next was not going to make me happy, I could tell.

“Er... I know it's a bit awkward, but you're going to have to ride on the back of the bike. I'll wrap my sweater around it for a seat... but it's gonna be kind of difficult around turns, and you have to keep your feet out of the spokes.”

“Oh...” I sighed, and grabbed the sweater out of his clammy hand, tying it around the metal behind the low seat. He looked down, embarrassed. “Alright, get on the bike already!” I said, rolling my eyes, since he was still looking down and not paying any attention to the fact that he had to get on before me so that I could get my balance. He grinned again, that same foolish grin that kept crossing his face, and my hand itched to wipe it off. I'm not usually a violent person, but right then I really could have hurt him...

“Okay. Come out, Blur!” he grabbed a pokéball from the side pocket of his backpack and let out a Doduo. A brilliant, tan feathered head turned to the side politely, asking Gavin what he wanted in a way. The other head gazed at me, before seemingly deciding that it was bored and began to pluck at the ground, spindly gray neck stretching. Gavin held out his pack to the first head. It squawked, annoyed, and gave me an inquisitive glare, but he didn't explain. “Blur's as fast as the bike, so he can hold our packs. They'd throw us off balance otherwise, especially with your's swinging against the inertia when we turned.” he explained, handing his backpack to the first head. I did likewise, clucking gently to get the second head's attention, and we mounted the bike awkwardly. It held our weight, but shuddered, and I nearly tumbled to the forest floor just trying to catch my balance. Gavin wasn't being very helpful, either, he kept shifting to avoid trees instead of just taking a straight path through them. Blur trotted alongside us, obviously bored, since we weren't going very fast. After a while he said something and left, going ahead for Eterna to drop off our stuff.

We rode in a line perpendicular to the dry riverbed I had followed, toward the setting sun. Normally it would have been nice, even romantic, riding double on a bicycle into the sunset, over a field or something, but as it was I only caught glimpses of the sun, and had to fight to fight to keep my balance all the time. Not to mention that I cringed at the thought of romance involving that dope Gavin. Every time we turned, rather sharply to avoid a rock or patch of thorns, or gently to adjust our course, I slid, sometimes hanging parallel to the ground for a heart wrenching instant. The ride seemed to last days rather than a mere hour, even when we got up to high speeds.

Suddenly, I could see the fields sloping down into Eterna City, a gentle, beautiful place to ride, with the last sliver of orange sunlight glittering over the still dew-moist grass. Gavin sped up, heading straight for the fields, eyes fixed ahead, body low. I copied his motion, willing the bike to fly over the curve and land us back into civilization, taking my heart soaring with it. Gavin's happy laugh echoed over the wind as he glanced back and saw me, and the handlebars swiveled a bit, correcting our course. Two trees, bordered by a small patch of ragwort, rose up in an arch, branches entangling, the door to our freedom.

Or so I thought.

Suddenly, the bike shuddered, the front wheel skidding and jarring back and forth, the back wheel soon following. Gavin sat up, face going white, hair flying out, trying desperately to get a grip on the handlebars, which had been impossible in his forward stance. I wrenched upwards, trying to get a better hold on the sweater, which was sliding around the metal pole. My feet flew out, trying to hit the ground, but getting slapped by the field of racks that we were suddenly navigating through. They had been impossible to see before, hidden by that harmless patch of weeds, but now their flecked surfaces rose in a belt across the field beyond. Each sharp, salt and pepper surface seemed to bear imminent doom.

Finally, some control came back to the bike. I was gripping Gavin around the waist by then, white face buried in his back to keep my balance. His whole body tensed as he fought the bike for control over our descent, trying to navigate to a safer place on the slope, away from the rocks. The sweater started to slide from under me, and I planted myself on it, knowing that it would get caught in the spokes of the back tire if it came loose. As I did this, the handlebars wrenched around, and the bake shuddered over a few more rocks before coming to a much smoother place. I let out the breath I had been holding, tentatively prying myself from Gavin's back to take a look around. The ground was smooth. A cry of relief bubbled in my throat. I swear I could have kissed Gavin right then, as much as the thought repulsed me.

Grinning in triumph, he turned around to tell me something, but I couldn't hear what he was saying over the roaring wind. I leaned forward to hear him better, and realized a second too late that the sweater was unraveling without my weight. The blood once again drained from my face, and Gavin looked on in terror as I grappled at the sweater, trying to catch the fabric. My fingers closed around a sleeve, and I began to draw it up, still frozen with terror. It came up, up, up...


The back wheel jarred, and Gavin squeezed the brake to stop the tire from taking the sweater and continuing to roll, the result being that we would probably end up slamming into a building. The brakes groaned, and the tire spun a few more times... Over the precipice and onto the slope! With the back tire disabled, the bike was carried forward by the sheer inertia of the front wheel and the former speed. Unfortunately, this combination led to a sudden, tumbling, furious descent, the bike flipping down the slope. I have no idea when we fell, but when we did, it was horrific.

For a sickening moment we hung in the air, adrenaline pumping through our bodies. I had still been gripping Gavin with one hand, and he spun off of it, causing a sickening snap to reverberate through my shoulder. At that instant, my mind had shut off to anything but primal instinct, and I rolled so that I would hit my uninjured side, though it later turned out to be a bad mistake. I wished with all my might for my darling Zip to come bolting up the hill and save me, or even the ferocious Gastly, Annette. No help came, and I came crashing to Earth with a thud, everything going black for an instant...

“Jodie! Jodie, look at me! Wake up!” A voice... Down a tunnel of light that was boring into my injured head... A face... I recognized... Gavin.
A sob wracked his throat as he looked down at me, shaking me by the shoulders. It hurt, it hurt so badly... Didn't he know? I just wanted to escape... Escape...
Everything went black and silent once again.

03-03-2008, 02:13 AM
Part Three
The Hospital

“Is she alive?”
“Yes... Barely, at first, but now she's stable.”
So many voices in an ocean of voices that kept swishing around my head, jostling me from peace. Light, too, filtering red from behind my eyelids. I wanted darkness, I wanted silence, to walk my memories and to find out what had happened to me. Rocks... a sweater... A boy with strawberry hair. And a bike, tumbling down, down...
Yes, I remembered now. My thoughts snapped into place like puzzle pieces, and everything was alright now. I remembered what had happened, and I was alive. Those were the only things that mattered.
“Why wasn't she wearing a helmet? And why weren't you wearing one, for that matter? You're both lucky, that could have ended much worse.”

The other speaker, I knew it was Gavin now, didn't say anything. A low whimper exuded from his direction, and sadness pulled at the edges of my heart. It was my fault that I wasn't wearing a helmet, my fault that we had fallen off of the bike anyway. I cracked my eyes a bit, letting more white light flow into them. A warm body was curled at my throat, and I reached up weakly to pet it, pain shooting through my shoulder as I did so. It was Zip, my Shinx, and he let out a low burble as my fingers met his warm yellow fur, shifting aside a lock of my own sweaty hair. There was some shifting from across the room, and I cracked my eyes a bit more. The room was still a bright white blur, but soon two figures loomed over my head, looking down at me. One I recognized as Gavin, the other I knew was a doctor from his speech and the color of his coat.

“Jodie... Oh thank goodness...” Gavin breathed, and the doctor merely smiled and strode out of the room, shutting the door. What had Gavin told him, to make him leave like that when I woke up? I shuddered to think of it, but I cracked a smile, glad to see him. My last memory was of him, standing over me, thinking I was dead... Now I was here, in the bright room. I cracked my eyes until they were open fully. Gavin was still grinning like a fool, and I looked around, not feeling particularly inspired to try and talk. I recognized the dullness of my pain as being the effect of drugs, and it seemed like it would be best not to speak lest I say something foolish. Instead I just glanced around.

The room was white all over except for the green hospital robe that I was wearing and the silver metal side table and bed frame. Even the television on the far wall was white, though it was turned off. My pack was on one of the (white) guest chairs, as well as Annette's pokéball. The fluorescent lighting was harsh, cutting through my newly discovered vision like a knife, but it was a welcome blessing after the darkness that had swallowed me whole.

“Wh- wh-” I stuttered, breath heavy and a bit shallow, “What h... happened?”

“You blacked out, and I... er... had to carry you all the way here.... With some help from Grimm, of course...” he murmured, shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot. I chuckled, reaching out my other arm to touch his wrist. He stopped shifting and smiled tenderly. “You were banged up pretty badly, I'm glad you're awake... The bike's shot.” I almost cried when he said that, and had to close my eyes for a while.

“I'm sorry, Gavin... I'm... so sorry... I'll get you a new one.” I choked, looking at him earnestly. Zip stirred in his sleep and opened his eyes blearily. I nudged my shoulder to make him get off of my arm, which had begun to go numb where he was cutting off the circulation. “Hi, Zippo. How's it going?” Gavin was shaking his head, but he let us carry on.

“Shinx!” Zip yawned, stretching and jumping off of the bed and onto the chair next to Annette's pokéball. He pressed the button with a forepaw, and in a burst of light the Pokémon circled above the room. She looked a lot less fierce now, and even came to a rest beside Gavin, eyes flashing.

“Gast! Gastly!” she cried, obviously happy that I was awake. How many times exactly had Annette been let out of her ball while I was out? She certainly seemed to accept the idea of ownership by now, and wasn't raging around the room or putting us to sleep and eating our dreams. The unwelcome thought of having my dreams stolen by the Pokémon caused me to shudder violently, and Gavin placed his hand on my shoulder, looking worried. He had no clue that I wasn't shivering from cold.

“Alright, you two,” I said, suddenly exhausted, “Return. I think I need to rest a little bit more before we can leave...” I yawned, eyes feeling heavy, like I hadn't slept in days. That didn't make sense, as I had, in truth, been sleeping for at least two days. Yet, sleep was calling. I wondered vaguely if it had anything to do with the Gastly at my side, large eyes still fixated upon me, but at the sight of her softened expression I brushed the thought away. Both Pokémon were swallowed in red light at the word.

“Does this mean I have to return, too?” Gavin asked with a grin. I was too tired to laugh, but I managed a grin.

“Yes. I like irises.”

* * * *

Five days later I was still in the hospital, but I could walk and everything. The crash had dislocated my shoulder, which was fine, and I had a mild concussion from hitting the ground without a helmet. My leg had split open (which had worried Gavin the most; blood was apparently getting everywhere), and it took five stitches to close it. Otherwise I was a textbook case, bruised and battered, and because of it Gavin had jokingly put a band aid on my other leg, where there was a small cut. Gavin was better off, pretty bashed but otherwise alright, and with two stitches in his ankle. That was lucky, since he would still be able to race in the Sinnoh Tour.

On the bedside table now was a vase of purple and yellow irises, looking regal, with their heads pointed out all around the edge like sentries. Gavin was refusing to let me pay for a new racing bike, insisting that the mechanic he had come to see, Fritz, could fix anything. Apparently it was going well; not only would the bike be fixed, it would be better. The parts of the frame that had to be replaced were going to be lighter now, and the seat was brand new, as well as both wheels. Nevertheless, I still felt bad about breaking his bike.

My doctor, Dr. Strauss, was in my room at that particular moment, watching me from one of the chairs. He did that sometimes, and I had come to not be bothered by it, or rush him into saying what he had come to say. A Chansey called Bonnie was his constant companion, at his side even then. Bonnie was a kind, caring soul, always ready to lend a hand around the hospital and very friendly with my Pokémon, especially Annette. Dr. Strauss, on the other hand, was a quirky man, with salt-and-pepper hair and a harsh, angular face, with stone gray eyes that peered out from behind thick rimmed glasses. He had a kind heart, but he seemed to me like his spirit was untouchable, locked away and reserved, which is, I suppose, how a doctor should be.

“You know, we're going to release you today.” he said finally, voice grave. The news was delivered without feeling, but it was still enough to make my heart leap. I would finally be free of the hospital! It was a nice enough place, but my soul yearned to be free, and an idea had been playing in my head for days now. I was nearly ready to put my plan into action, and thanks to my fast recovery I would, hopefully, be able to fight my first battle. “But, just remember to wear a helmet next time you get on a bike. I know it was only under the circumstances, and I have a feeling that you are not so careless.”

“I will, Dr. Strauss, trust me,” I sighed, returning his gaze steadily. My heart was still aglow after the news, and there was a grin plastered on my face, so I knew that he could see right through my solemn speech. I may have been mistaken, but I thought I saw one side of his mouth go up, in a little half-grin... However, the impression was gone and instant later, when Gavin entered the room.

“Great news!” we both said at roughly the same time, his accent lilting harshly over mine, “You first.” Dr. Strauss raised one eyebrow, and Bonnie uttered a greeting. Both of them had come to recognize Gavin very well, since he was my every day visitor, and according to the desk clerk 'the little lovestruck kid who brought the flowers.' (Which I hoped was not true) We stared each other down for a moment, willing the other to tell their news.

“My bike got fixed!” he said finally, jumping from foot to foot. I was starting to notice that his nervous shifting could also apply to nearly everything that he felt. “Oh, and Fritz says he wants to meet you. Alright, your turn.” I wondered exactly how much he had told Fritz about me.

“I'm getting released,” I said, beaming. Gavin practically leapt into the air.

“You're getting released now, as a matter of fact,” Dr. Strauss said in a droll tone, “We just needed someone to push the wheelchair. Hospital policy, you know. If you were to trip in the lobby we'd be held responsible.” I blushed. My klutziness had become a common joke around the hospital by then, when they all heard about my run-in with the crazy Murkrow, how I fell off of the bike, and several other little nuances.

When I was seated in the chair, Gavin pushed me into the hall. It had a more subtle lighting scheme, and there was paneling further down near the elevators. Doors were spaced evenly along the wall, and Dr. Strauss's office, obvious because of the bronze plaque, was to the right of my room, the second to last last door on the right. We headed away from it, all the way to a ramp that led into the lobby. Bonnie followed Dr. Strauss, singing to herself and nursing the egg in her pouch. I wondered vaguely if it wasn't just one of those laid daily by her kind, which were meant for consummation and used in other parts of the hospital to get starving patients to eat.

The lobby was a large room, with light green tiling on the lower half of the walls and snow-white tiled floors. Two black mats lay by the door. A desk curved around one wall, with a perky looking attendant, red hair curled behind her ears. She waved to Gavin and me and leaned over to her assistant, a pretty oriental girl, to whisper something. They giggled, and I was sure that the statement was about us, but I shrugged it off. I was in too good of a mood to be bothered by such gossip. Bonnie trotted ahead to the tall, wooden doors, still singing, and swung one open. The light outside was blinding compared the the fluorescents, and for a moment I was stunned sheerly by the sight of day and didn't notice where we were.

A tan, cobblestone street spread wide across the horizon, but from here, the far end of the city, we could see where it fell to dirt, rising up a majestic pedestal, which I yearned to get a closer look at, and then falling again along the path to the mountains. Twin lakes, edges groomed but still bursting with the cattails and lily pads rooted in their depths, hugged the path not too far off. Mt. Coronet rose to the east, bald peak glimmering majestically from where it towered up into the misty clouds. A few small houses hugged the cobblestones, sides that had once been tan brick splattered now with dirt and age. The thick cover of the forest shaded their backyards, though many of the trees had been removed to make the hovel in which Eterna nestled. To the west was the path on which we had come, The cleared field we had rode through was the entrance to the city. Rising up directly to the right (my right, from the door of the hospital), was the tallest building in Eterna; the Galactic building. The walls were some sort of tile or acrylic, bright blue with an orange entryway. Shrubbery cowered in it's shadow, and a little girl with an Eevee was running in and out of the hedges around the fence.

Across the road the Pokémon center's bright red roof reflected the sun, and there was a squat little shop next to it. Over the top of the shop I could see the place where we were headed: the bike shop. It had a quaint feeling, stone roof and a beautifully paneled second story. The brickwork, like that on the houses, was a serra cotta shade, twined with ivy. Another large building, the condominiums, rose up beyond the bike yard, a lighter color, with windows that sparkled and flashed. Beyond that I could not see, though I knew that there was a gym further down and a market, as well.

“Can you stand up?” Gavin asked, chuckling at my expression. I felt the blood rush to my face, and stood uncertainly on the first step, tottering a bit as I found my legs again. It was one of the only times I had been up since the accident, since my leg had been stitched and I could only walk on crutches. I looked around at Dr. Strauss with an earnest smile.

“Thank you so much, Doctor... and trust me, I won't forget to wear a helmet again!” I said, still grinning, “So... yeah.. I guess I'll see you around.” The unsaid gratitude stung my throat like a bee, and I felt strange and awkward, leaving it like that. Dr. Strauss just nodded and mumbled something, but I didn't hear what it was, and I didn't have a chance to ask. Gavin was hopping anxiously at the bottom of the stairs, so with a final grin, I turned and descended them. The door shut quietly behind me, and Bonnie's quiet voice was muted. Suddenly, I felt utterly exposed, with no walls to shelter me, and no protection from sudden attack other than Gavin, who wasn't exactly the strongest or bravest of people.

“Come on, let's go. Fritz wanted to show you my bik; you're in for a surprise,” he chuckled, winking over his shoulder, and slowed his pace to walk beside me. I shot him a wry smile and concentrated on my surroundings. Here a mother walked with her child, there a trainer practiced combos with his Vulpix. An old man watched us from glasses about the size of a pea, wrinkling his nose. His surprisingly vivid blue eyes sparkled, and he grinned as we passed. It was a bit strange, but I returned it, trying to keep up my friendly attitude.

Five minutes later we ducked around the side of the bike shop, under the blue canopy. Here high-speed bikes of all colors stood in the racks, looking almost impatient to get sold and moving.

“Fritzy! Come on, I've got someone I want you to meet!” There was a loud clattering noise from the shed behind the store, and suddenly a tall creature, back hunched appeared as a long shadow across the ground. I stared at it for a moment, guffawed, and then at it's owner...

Fritz was a Mr. Mime!

03-04-2008, 02:06 AM
Part Four
Untitled as of Yet

“Mime!” Fritz called jovially, doing a funny kind of jounce to reach us. My mouth was about hanging to the cobbled street. Gavin burst out laughing, but he wasn't looking at me, so I raised an eyebrow at him. He was doubled over, and I was almost afraid that he was going to wet himself.

“Whats so funny?” I asked, face turning a shade of scarlet. To my surprise, Fritz started chuckling, too, the human noise unexpected coming from the stubby Pokémon. He straightened up, the little red circle on his stomach still bobbing, making me think of Santa Claus, for some reason. The horn-like blue antennae (or whatever they were) on the side of his head jiggled up and down. Still bewildered, I felt like punching something.

“Sorry, Gav, I couldn't resist.”

For a moment I couldn't figure out who had spoken, and then I almost fainted as I realized that Fritz was talking. Gavin, still chuckling, with tears welling at the corners of his eyes, caught me swooning and steadied me. After a while his chuckles died down and he looked at my face. I was still gawking at Fritz, and he started cracking up again when he caught my expression. Fritz was more helpful, smiling and winking at me.

“Sometimes I can't resist pulling you humans' legs, so I guess I owe you an explanation. See, when the owner of the bike shop found me I was just a little Jr, and he took me in and raised me. I wanted to do something in exchange, so his wife taught me how to read and speak, so that I could work as a bicycle mechanic in his store instead of just a homeless Mime, alone and dependent on him. Ever since, I've served the Sinnoh Tour riders as well as the kids who crashed in the gully and whatnot, and I suppose I built up a reputation.”

“Oh... alright...” I whispered, baffled, before deciding to get over it, “So, where's Gavin's bike? He said I absolutely HAD to see it now...” Gavin started cracking up again, and Fritz's lips turned up in a grin. I rolled my eyes, wondering if it was some sort of guy thing.

“Oh, come on.” Gavin said, wiping his eyes and brushing my arm as we walked behind the shop, where a rickety shed stood. In the shade of the faded wood sat a bike, hidden. I could see parts of the frame, and the reflectors glittered in the sunlight, but not much else, until the bike was brought out by Fritz. On cue, I started laughing, and Gavin and Fritz chuckled, watching me warily.

“My gosh, Gavin! Your bike is a GIRL!” It was true, there, as plain as day, was a bike, no longer blue and silver, but purple and silver. The frame was lighter, but somehow strangely feminine, as if it had been shaped. The seat and handlebars were black, but at the ends they were purple, and two purple stripes ran down the seat.

“Yeah, I know. Kinda hot, huh?” Gavin joked, leaning back as if he were checking out his bike. Fortunately, he leaned back a bit too far, and stumbled back about a foot before catching his balance. Fritz chuckled. I looked over at Gavin, remembering that I was going to ask him something with a jolt.

“Oh, yeah, Gavin, I was gonna ask you...” a mischievous grin crossed my face, and I saw his eyes visibly widen, as if he were afraid of what I was going to say, “I mean... I challenge you to a battle! C'mon, I deserve a little bit of excitement, I've been trapped in the hospital for the last week!”

“Er... no thanks... I can't battle... you... I mean anyone, of course, I'm a bike rider, not a trainer!” he managed, taken aback, but then he caught my eye and sighed, “Oh, all right... You don't offer me much of a choice, you know...” I practically shot into the air, clicking my heels, and Fritz laughed at me. The Mr. Mime had perked up at the mention of a battle, and was obviously eager to watch.

“There's a perfect spot in the courtyard,” he offered, gesturing with a large hand. I grinned and gave him a grateful nod, dragging Gavin to the yard in front of the bike shop by the arm. That creepy old man was still there, and he turned around, his chickpea glasses sliding down his nose. He gave me a curt nod, a sort of rambling 'carry on', and kept watching.

“Alright, Gavin, let's get started. Your choice!” I challenged. Gavin shifted uneasily from foot to foot, blushing. He only had two Pokémon, like me, Doduo and Scyther.

“Erm, come on out, Grimm.” he said after a moment, pressing the button and releasing the menacing creature. Like before, he stared me down unblinkingly, and made it clear that he was going to be a wall between Gavin and me, no matter what. After a moment's consideration, I let out Annette, knowing that Zip was likely to fold under the Scyther's harsh gaze. She cackled, streaming mist that turned a light purple under the sunlight, body seeming like an abyss planted into the daylight. Grimm was more than equal to that, as his lemon gaze turned upon her, and their eyes met, white on yellow, locked and ready to fight.

“Annette, use dark pulse!” I called, and instantly the air around the Gastly seemed to shimmer. Grimm took a step backwards as a harsh wave pulsed through the air, brining darkness with it. For an instant everything was pitch black, enough to gather our wits.

“Swords dance!” cried Gavin frantically, and Grimm nodded, barely visible. In a whirl of white and green, he began a complex tarantella, cutting through the darkness. My mind was racing as our cover was blown, and we needed to attack soon, before the whirling blades closed in.

“Fly up, quick, and use confuse ray and then sucker punch.” Annette flew into a sharp, whirling ascent, the Scyther cutting higher and higher into the air behind her. His yellow eyes, to our advantage, were still locked on hers, which suddenly flashed orange, radiating white in quick, dazing spirals. Gavin, who had not heard my command over the whooshing cut of scythes, suddenly tensed, realizing what was going to happen.

“Focus energy!” he called, as Grimm stepped out of rhythm. The quick beat of the dance had suddenly slowed to a halting, confused motion, and the sharp forearms were less sure. Grimm began to gather himself, trying to focus and pull back into the impenetrable dance, but out of the blue Annette swooped down. The dance was over as Grimm skidded in wake of the punch, but it had knocked his head clear of the confusion, and he instantly snapped back up, ready to fight.

“Razor wind, and then wing attack and double team!”
“Mean look! And then use lick, you know what to do, and payback!” there was no avoiding the wing attack, but at least I could control the second part, which would confuse Annette unless she was locked onto her foe. Her eyes flashed white as a harsh, cutting wind began to gather around Grimm. Annette locked her position, eyes focusing exactly where Grimm stood, and the wind was released. Her eyes stayed open, though grass and leaves flew in a torrent around her, and as Grimm took wing, an impossible act without the strong wind, he began to duplicate.

Annette was hit full force by the wings of the Scyther, but rather than dropping like a stone she reached out her long, cold tongue and wrapped it around the wing. Grimm screeched, but could not escape, and Annette swooped with him held in her tongue, tossing him through the air. As he flew up, Gavin shouted a command for air slash, and Grimm adjusted his course with the uninjured wing, bringing the scythes down where Annette had been an instant before. They raked her side, and she couldn't help crying out and dropping about three feet toward the ground before twisting, regaining her composure, and glaring at the still falling Scyther. Grimm tried desperately to gain ground, but the wind had stopped and he twisted due to his frozen, injured wing, hitting the ground hard on his side.

“Annette! Finish him off, use hypnosis, and then nightmare!” Annette swooped down on her opponent, eyes flashing again, humming an eerie lullaby. Grimm writhed, trying to escape her gaze, but was locked, and slumped to the ground. Annette seemed to radiate darkness, and Grimm began to writhe as the dark dream enveloped him....


Grimm's eyes snapped open, and he leapt into the air. Annette, hovering just above, shrieked as the blades met her and then suddenly folds of darkness wrapped around her, another dark pulse attack. It was following instinct, but as I realized what Gavin and Grimm were about to attempt, night slash. The move was deadly powerful, having such a high rate of accuracy and critical hit.

"Shadow ball! And make it big!" I cried desperately, and Annette gave me a confused look as Grimm's eyes began to glow in the way of the night hunter, piercing the shadows to lock onto her. If only the darkness would clear, than the sudden contraction of his iris would temporarily put him off balance, with the added advantage of being able to hit him square on with a powerful shadow ball attack. The only way to retract the shadows would be to gather them all in once place, and...


Annette let out a horrendous shriek, resounding across the open air. The shadow ball that had gathered around her flew off automatically, hitting Grimm in the face, and he also let out a twisting snarl, eyes narrowing. Gavin tensed, and so did I, as the Pokémon wobbled, both exhausted even though the duration of the battle had not yet been long.

"Destiny bond!" I commanded, just in case. At least if we did not win, the battle would be a draw. Then neither of us could say that the other had done badly, which I could tell Gavin would appreciate. He hadn't wanted to fight anyway.

"Air slash!"
"Night shade!"

The battle field was clouded over by shadows, and all that was left for Gavin and me was to try and hear what had happened. There was a chink of claws and a gnash of teeth, and then the darkness dispersed, finding it's place among the shaded grass, laying heavily upon itself. Purple mist clouded the ground, where Grimm lay twitching, clawing his way to deliver the final blow. Annette was shaking, staring him down, battered. Their eyes locked for an instant, and then a sudden wave of peace exuded from the center of the fight. The Scyther let out a strange sigh, and collapsed, eyes closing, falling limp. Annette's eyes, too, closed, as if she understood her foe and knew that he had found peace, and made such with her. I looked up at Gavin, knowing that tears were welling in his eyes as well as mine.

Gavin let out a grateful sigh, rushing to Grimm's side. The Scyther stopped writhing in an instant, and then was enveloped in a red flash as Gavin returned him. Annette, too, collapsed, exhausted from exertion and injured, and I returned her as well, walking over to Gavin. He gave me a weary grin, obviously tired of fighting, and I felt kind of bad to have gotten him into it in the first place. He really wasn't a trainer, even if he did know some tactics. I felt even worse because most of the way I battled had come from my mother, and I knew that he would recognize it, and see that I was not so good as I might seem.

“A good fight, and well fought,” I said quietly, taking his hand and giving it a wring, but not letting go afterwards, “Are you sure you've never done this?” Our eyes still reflected a tired kind of sadness, as if we both knew it had been wrong to pit against each other for no reason, not even planned practice, and that it had brought no satisfaction.

"I never want to fight you like that again..." he murmured, and Fritz kind of sighed from his place leaning on the front of the bike shop. I dropped Gavin's hand, placing mine instead on his shoulder, to comfort him. I didn't have the words to say how how I felt, the kind of shameless shame that had come over me, like it had been right somehow, but felt so terribly wrong... A first battle, a first disappointment. I would never fight for fun again, and the silent vow passed between Gavin and me as he looked up.

"Well. I was right about you after all."

I jumped about six feet in the air, whirling around, adrenaline pumping through my veins. The old man with the chickpea glasses gave me a toothless grin. He was laughing at me! Gavin stepped forward, eyes narrowing. He had been facing the old man, and so had not been as frazzled as me. The old man held up his hands, a classic 'look, I mean no harm' gesture, and took a deep breath. His blue eyes twinkled behind his glasses, and he looked more jovial than he had seemed to me a moment before.

“You will both make great trainers some day, and my friend was right to have chosen you. You show not only skill, and a quick mind and clever eye, but also compassion and love for all creatures. You know that battles are not to be taken lightly, not some children's game to play... Your moral compass is strong, and I beg you to keep it that way, through the challenges that will come on your road to greatness. Do not wade in self-doubt, or muddle yourself with the glory of winning. There are losses on the road to winning; potholes on the straightest paths. And now, if I am not mistaken, my friend would now like to offer you a battle, not for herself, but for her progeny...”

The words were spoken with such prophetic, musical wisdom that a hush fell around the area in which we stood. For an instant, it seemed that we were in our own little bubble of reality now, away from Fritz, away from the people admiring the bikes or taking pictures of the statue... A singing, clear now, in a tongue that I did not understand, warbled, reflecting off of edges that did not exist. The man stood, and beside him stepped a Pokémon that I recognized, her lithe grace quite the opposite of her earlier bounce. Black eyes gleamed intelligently from her kind face, and the hairlike whiskers on her head floated around her head like a halo. I saw then that the old man was holding an egg, whisker-fine cracks radiating from it's center. I knew then what the old man had meant; Bonnie wanted to fight me. I looked back at Gavin, and saw that he was out of the bubble now, as well, face frozen with awe in whatever time warp we had entered.

'Yes, if you would battle I would be honored. So many children I have had, so many who help people daily and offer food to the starving. Now I would like to have at least one of my children go onto greatness, and to see the world. With you.' The voice was like a feather, stroking my subconscious. Whatever the old man was doing, he was doing it well, and I wasn't even surprised that Bonnie had spoken to me. I was even grateful; in this space I might be able to contact Zip in the same way, so that the disadvantage against wild Pokémon would be abolished, and my commands would be secret.

'Yes.' I nodded slowly, and released Zip. Again, regret tugged at my heart as I remembered that Annette had been wiped out; Chansey was a powerful Pokémon, a more than worthy adversary. It seemed foolish to hope that Zip would defeat one all by himself. Bonnie, seeing my face, began to glow and shimmer softly, and Annette's great ball shimmered and tingled at my waist. It was a softboiled attack, and it had left us even. I nodded again, feeling that now was not the time to speak, and tossed the red-and white pokéball. It exploded with sparks and violent crimson light, and Zip stepped regally through it, as if he knew what was going on.

'Are you ready?' I attempted, pursing my lips. Zip's fur crackled with static, and he looked confused for a moment.

'How are you speaking Poké?' his voice had a rough growling edge, but it was almost boyish, reminding me of how young and inexperienced he was. His eyes traced the area, and he nodded at Bonnie, looking past onto the old man. Gradually, his confused expression disappeared. 'Oh, alright... yes, I'm ready.'

'Use swagger, and then discharge. We want to limit her movement as much as possible, since she's so powerful. Then try a thunder fang attack.' Zip nodded, and took of, sparkling brightly and arching through the air to confuse his opponent. I knew that the streaming electricity would also raise Bonnie's attack, flowing through her and strengthening ever fiber of her being, but it was enough if she was stumbling and possibly paralyzed when Zip struck. The Chansey watched him, and walls appeared around the two Pokémon suddenly, a reflect attack. Zip used it to his advantage, leaping off of them like springboards, still shining. Then, Bonnie suddenly launched an egg onto one of the walls. Zip, surprised, instantly discharged, and a wave of electricity broke through the walls, but not before the egg bomb bounced off. It landed right under Zip, who looked at it, horrified.


'Spin! Try to get a grip on her, she's stunned!' The Shinx was blown into the air, and my heart was squeezed as he twisted himself, injured and breathing shallowly, using his spiked tail to direct his fall. Bonnie looked on helplessly, rooted to the spot, and he landed square on top of her, teeth suddenly glowing and elongating, shimmering with electricity. The thunder fangs found purchase on Bonnie's tail, and a jolt made the Chansey shudder violently. The light shock freed her limbs, and she shook, trying to rid herself of Zip, who was hanging on for dear life.

Bonnie leapt, Zip streaming behind her, and used tail whip, sending him flying from side to side, eyes wide, but still managing to hang on. With a growl, she curled into a ball and hit the ground, slamming him down, hard, and turned around. Suddenly, a mischievous look came over her face, and she lifted her tail. Zip let out a frantic burble and held on tighter, shuddering as she kissed him in the middle of the forehead. When he opened his eyes again, he looked dazed, and I knew that he was confused.

“Zip! Hold on!” I cried; he let out a snarl, and almost dropped, but tightened his grip again and Bonnie let out a screech. He had used crunch; and was now well locked on, despite his confusion. Bonnie gritted her teeth and used another reflect, this time creating a four walled box around them. She used tail whip, knocking the already weak Zip against the walls. Then, realizing it was futile, she began to sing, her voice bouncing and echoing in the chamber. Zip's eyes rolled, and then the lids closed, and they began to move back and forth. His teeth fell loosely open, and he crashed to the ground, fast asleep. Bonnie raised her fist, the hand glowing harshly, about to slam it down onto the helpless Shinx.

“Return, Zip, go, Annette!” I cried, saving the sleeping Pokémon from further harm. Two streaks of red flew through the air, and Annette burst forward, dark body soaring high in rejuvenation. Chansey was already weakened, but the time lapse between my return of Zip and release of Annette allowed her time to use recover, and though it would not have healed her completely, it did offer a setback.

'Fly up! Use spite and then swoop down, give her a sucker punch... Hard!' Annette was less bewildered than Zip, choosing not to question the fact that I had used telepathy... not to mention in Poké... to send her a command. Purple smog blanketed he passage as she swooped up, and her harsh glare was soon turned upon Bonnie. The look was intimidating, and filled it's purpose: to make sure that Bonnie didn't get to use recover again. I realized as the Chansey's fists began to glow that I had made a mistake by telling Annette to fly up; she would get hit full force by a powerful pound attack!

Bonnie's fist and Annette's collided, but only one Pokémon was blown backwards. Of course! Annette was a ghost, meaning that the normal attack couldn't hit her! The Chansey fell flat on her back, causing the grass to ripple. Annette swooped over her, following my instructions. Her eyes spun and dazzled as she used confuse ray, and then payback, sending our foe stumbling across the wide space.

'You win! There is nothing I can do against this ghost!'

03-06-2008, 12:18 AM
I realized with a jolt that it was quite ture: Bonnie had no TMs, and therefore nothing but normal attacks in her repertoire. My thoughts were cast over in shadow as I figured out that the immense injury to Zip could have been avoided simply by not using him.

“Come off, Annette, the fight is won.” I said, and the Gastly instantly fell to my shoulder, nearly bursting with pride. Bonnie sparkled as she used recover, and stood up, taking the hatching egg from the old man. Her warbling singing resumed, and the shell began to burble and crack. There was a flash of purple, and before us stood a little Happiny, looking jubilant and mischievous at the same time. She burbled happily, looking at me and then at Bonnie, before beginning to look around, at the ground one hand in her mouth. Her spiky violet topknot shook as she leaned over, plucking a perfectly round, smooth stone from the ground. I could have sworn that it had not been there a moment ago.

The old man wrinkled his nose when I gave him a mystified look. The time bubble shattered around us, and I found that I could, regrettably, no longer hear or speak to Annette. Even so, it was clear what Bonnie wanted, so, ignoring Gavin's mystified look, I took a pokéball out of my pack, and kneeled down in front of the baby Pokémon. She reached out tentatively, and her little hand found the button, pressing it curiously.

“It is your choice...” I whispered, “If you do not want to come, I know you will escape...” Red lightning erupted, making a short arch from the ball to the Happiny, and the pokéball leapt from my hand, wriggling on the ground. Bonnie watched, nodding, behind it, and I looked up, detecting the faint grin arching across her face. Suddenly remembering the strange old man, I looked back to the bench, but he was gone!

As the pokéball leapt from side to side, my eyes moved upward. A cattish body paused when my eyes traced it, but it did not turn. I watched, mystified, as it looked back, blue eyes gleaming, before it's thin tail sliced a seam in the sky. Beyond I could see stars, and faint shapes moving beyond, but I had no time to make them out, for the pink creature disappeared into the gap. With a final twinkle, the bulbous tail disappeared, and I watched the sky for a long time afterwards. The knowledge of what had passed lodged itself into my head, and a shiver ran through my very core as I realized what the creature was...

One, two...

Targeted: Happiny
Characters: 48,715 (more due to editing, but I'm too lazy to put it all back in...)
Status: Done -.-; Sorry

Phantom Kat
03-30-2008, 11:20 PM
Here we go and if your story waits too long again, don't be afraid to PM me. ^^

Plot: Jodie Wellesley is distraught as she is lost in in a riverbed she would thought would benefit her. Soon, she meets a shy boy from the Sevii Islands named Gavin and after an awkward talk, she agrees to ride on his bike to take her to Eterna City. However, things don’t go as planned as an accident occurs and lands Jodie in the hospital. Five days later, she is released and Gavin shows her his new and improved bike, fixed by Fritz the Mr. Mime. Jodie encourages Gavin into a battle he does not want to participate in and the battle, though well though, leaves both of them empty; they vow never to fight for pure fun again. An old man approaches Jodie and when he reveals that he isn’t all that he seems, he challenges her to a battle with Bonnie the Chansey. After a battle that ends with Annette getting the better of Bonnie, the old man lets Jodie catch the newborn Happiny.

My summary did not do justice to your plot. This was original and fun to read. It started off innocent enough but it quickly went to a more serious tone with Jodie’s accident and the battle when they realized battling more fun may not always be the best option. The ending was mysterious and quite suiting for the mood at the moment and I especially liked the last tidbit with the feline and the night. All the characters were unique in their own way, as well so kudos to you.

Introduction: Jodie, distraught and on the verge of a breakdown, meets a strange boy by the name of Gavin White. After an unusual talk, both of them agree for Jodie to ride on his bike towards Eterna.

You set the mood of dark and mysterious, which what made Jodie so distraught. You did a good job of describing the surroundings with those dark adjectives and similes and you also described what situation the main character was in. Really, the intro was done really well, it really drew me in and made me want to read more. All I can critic would have to have to be to describe Jodie more, the clothes she was wearing, the stuff she was carrying, etc. Try and paint us the best picture of your main character as you describe the surroundings around her.

Grammar/Spelling: This was also pretty good, you got this down pat and it’s obvious you read through your story. However, I still saw a handful pf typos here and there so maybe you should re-read through your story more or take it more slowly. Also, one error I saw you make throughout your story:

Wickedly shaped scythes, which gave the creature it's name,

“It’s” is “it is”. You use this when you say something along the lines of: “It’s very cold in here, maybe turn on the heater?” You are looking for “its”, without the apostrophe. This is saying the “it” is possessing something like: “Its tail wagged in the air Megan came into the room.” Make sure to watch out for that. ^^;

Also, all Pokemon attacks and Pokemon related things are capitalized, just like Pokemon names. So “recover” should be “Recover” and “poke ball” should be “Poke Ball”.

Length: Ooh, overachiever. Nice job with this, keep it up. X3

Description/Detail: This was beautiful. I could see everything around me, even the unimportant stuff like the irises and Mt. Coronet in the distance. Not only did you describe actions and your surroundings well but you also described the characters’ expressions really well. Like I said in the introduction part, all you really need is to describe the characters just a little bit more in depth. Also, same thing goes for the Pokemon. I could see them well since I know most Pokemon pretty well but you still need to describe them in color, size, etc. Just a little more description and it will be perfect because this area is already awesome as it is.

Battle: The battle (like the one between Annette and Grimm) was really well done. The attacks were well described, the combos were well thought out. It struck me on the short side, though. I think the battle between Zip and Bonnie could have been extended a little but more, maybe Zip could have fought while the Sing attack was slowly taking affect. I like how even though Annette was a Ghost type, she could still hold her own against the Chansey. Also, you could add a dash more of color into the attack, describe them in color and in action. Maybe “the opaque light of the Focus Punch” or the “topaz-colored sparks of the Thunder Fang”; just make sure to make your battles colorful as well as exciting, it will only help.

Now, I would normally gripe as to how you have to battle at least somewhat with the Pokemon you attempt to capture but I understand how Happiny, a baby Pokemon, could not battle as much as Bonnie did and really, if Happiny did battle against Jodie, it would take a little of the significance of the speech beforehand. Just make sure that you should always battle with the Pokemon you want to capture and if it’s a situation such as this one, it wouldn’t have to be a super long battle that would make the whole thing unrealistic. Better safe than sorry, right?

Outcome: Really, this was a really great story with a fun plot and awesome description. Happiny captured! Make sure to watch out for those typos, revise your story a little bit more. Watch out for the “it’s” and “its” thing as well and don’t forget those description tips. Other than that, this was a nice read and have fun with the cute little Pokemon. ^^

- Kat