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Dark Salamence
03-06-2008, 08:01 AM
Introduction

This is one of many stories about an eleven year old named Elana. Although she has only been a trainer for a short time, Elana has lots of confidence in herself, but is sometimes a little overconfident. Elana's main goal is to become a pokemon master, by defeating all eight gym leaders and earning a badge from them. With her partner and starter pokemon Eevee, Elana will team up with her pokemon to make her dreams come true.

Targeted Pokemon: Kricketot
Difficulty: Easiest
Characters: 6,330 (no spaces)

* Since Kricketot can only learn Bide and Growl, is it okay if this wild one knows a few other attacks such as sing? I'm sorry if this causes any concern. My story would be different without it though.

The Story

Elana nervously walked through the forest. Even though she was usually confident, and sometimes overconfident, Elana was unusually scared at the moment. Trees were draping over her, and everything was darker than she was use to in daylight. She felt as if she was enclosed in a small and dark room.

Elana was short for her age with longish dark, brown hair, tied in a ponytail. She had blue eyes, and wore a plain, white shirt and jeans.

Elana took things slowly. "Slow and steady wins the race," she thought. She stopped suddenly as she heard a rustling noise. She released her Eevee from it's pokeball, as she thought having her pokemon out would make her feel more comfortable. She held on to Eevee tightly as she continued to make her way through Viridian Forest.

Suddenly, the rustling got louder and Elana started to back away. But doing that she tripped on a stick and landed flat on her back. "Eevee?" The small, foxlike pokemon looked worriedly at her. "I’m fine, Eevee," Elana said as she sat up and brushed the dirt and leaves of her jeans.

She looked up. The bushes in front of her were rustling as if something was about to jump out at her. Elana watched as a pokemon suddenly jumped out.

The red and light yellow pokemon looked kind of like a grasshopper. Elana got out her Pokedex. "Kricketot, a bug type pokemon. Kricketot can lure it’s opponents to sleep with it’s Sing attack." Elana smiled. This was the perfect opportunity to catch a pokemon.

"Eevee, go!" called Elana as she pointed at Kricketot. Eevee jumped out. The bug pokemon’s eyes narrowed at the sound of a battle. "Eevee, Take Down!" Elana called as Eevee ran at Kricketot. The small pokemon didn’t hesitate. It quickly dodged the attack and watched as Eevee bashed into a nearby tree. Then Kricketot started to sing. Eevee immediately fell asleep. "Oh no, wake up Eevee!" called Elana, but Eevee would not wake. Elana watched in dismay as Kricketot used Tackle to finish Eevee off.

Elana knew there was know time to loose. Quickly, she snatched up Eevee and bolted for the clearing she could see in the distance. Kricketot was not finished yet. The bug pokemon gave chase and followed Elana. She ran her fastest while trying to avoid the obstacles. Elana was pretty fast for her size. But Kricketot was not going to give up yet. It suddenly caught up with Elana. Just as it was about to attack, a net came out of nowhere and snatched Eevee up.

Elana looked up at the big tank towering over her. Three men were inside, and one of them was holding the net with Eevee inside. "Nice catch," one of them said. "Yes, Eevee, the evolution pokemon," said another, "Check it out Boss!" One of the men handed Eevee over to a tougher looking man, who they called 'Boss.' "Hey! Who are you and what are you doing with my pokemon?" Elana asked, both shocked and angry at the same time. One of the men looked down. "We are the Pokemon Poaching Brothers!" he said. And with that, the three men jumped into the tank and drove away.

Elana collapsed onto the ground and put her face in her hands. First her Eevee was attacked, and then poachers stole it! Eevee wasn’t even in shape to battle! Kricketot looked sorry for Elana. It thought for a minute, then smiled. "Kricketot?" it asked. Elana looked up. "You want to help me get Eevee back?" Kricketot nodded. "Well then let’s go!" she cried.

Elana and Kricketot started off by running. But it soon got tiring, so the pair walked for a short way. After walking for a few hours at least, they decided to rest at a shady tree for a while. After resting, the two played and hunted for fresh berries to eat. They sat around for a little longer before continuing on their quest to save Eevee.

The next part of their journey was harder. Although there was not much distance left to cover, there were trees everywhere. It was like a giant maze. After getting lost a few times, and finally getting out of the maze of trees, the exhausted pair heard a conversation taking place in front of some thick bushes.

Elana and Kricketot crouched down behind them. Elana could see the tank and could just see the pokemon poachers talking about their latest catch. "This Eevee will be a great pokemon," said one of the men, the one who had caught Eevee in the net. "Yes," said another, "But it will be even better when it evolves." The nasty trio opened a dainty bag with seven items in it. "Eevee will have to evolve now." Elana was almost bursting with anger. "They’re going to force Eevee to evolve!" she whispered. She was so angry that she was about to burst out of the hedge. Kricketot stopped her. "You’re right." Elana sighed. "If I jump out now, we’ll never get Eevee back." Then she smiled. "But we can still plan a surprise attack!"

Kricketot was nervous as it jumped out of the hedge. "Hey, look! A Kricketot!" cried one of the men. "Should we snag it?"
"Nah," said the 'Boss.' "It’s not strong enough." Kricketot then began to sing. The men immediately fell into a deep sleep. As Elana gave the signal, Kricketot grabbed Eevee and quickly ran back behind the bush. The pair silently hi-fived each other before running back to the Pokemon Center.

"Can you please help my Eevee?" Elana cried as she burst through the Pokemon Center doors. "It was attacked and then stolen!" Nurse Joy nodded. "I’ll get onto it right away," she replied. Elana turned to Kricketot. "Thanks for helping me," she said.
"I couldn’t of done it without you." Kricketot smiled. "Hey, Kricketot? I’m sure Eevee will be okay tomorrow, so would you like to battle me so I can catch you?" Kricketot thought for a moment. It nodded happily. Elana smiled. "I can’t wait!" she said.

The next morning, Elana stood on a long patch of grass with tall trees draping over it. She looked at Kricketot. "Eevee, go!" she cried as she threw a pokeball. Eevee jumped out, refreshed from yesterday. Kricketot began to sing. “I’m not going to fall for that dirty trick again!" said Elana. "Eevee, Growl!" Eevee’s loud growling overpowered the gentle singing of Kricketot. It would have to try something else. "Eevee, Tackle!" Elana cried as Eevee bashed into Kricketot. Kricketot glowed red and stood still. This was Elana’s chance to attack. Eevee ran at Kricketot and slammed into it with incredible force. Kricketot seemed to be taking serious damage. Eevee attacked again, but Kricketot wasn't done yet. It released a huge amount of power it had stored from Eevee’s attacks. Eevee flew back and smashed into a tree.

"That must have been Kricketot’s Bide attack!" Elana cried, shocked. Kricketot then used Tackle. Eevee managed to get back up. Kricketot attempted to attack again. Eevee stopped it in it’s tracks by using Trump Card. Several large, coloured cards flew at Kricketot, who tried to defend itself by covering it’s face with it’s hands. The bug pokemon countered with Tackle. Eevee flew back.

Both pokemon were evenly matched, but were both weak and tired. Elana knew that if Kricketot could get one more attack in, Eevee would be done. Just as she expected, Kricketot came in for the final blow. She had to think of something fast. She looked over at the trees and got an idea. "Quick Eevee, run up that tree!" Elana pointed to a tree just next to Eevee. Eevee ran up the tree as Kricketot flew at it.

Kricketot was confused. It didn’t know where Eevee was. Suddenly, Eevee jumped from a hight branch and smashed into Kricketot with Tackle. The bug pokemon went sliding back and bashed into a tree. This was Elana’s chance. Quickly, she grabbed a pokeball from her belt, and threw it at Kricketot. "Pokeball, go!" she cried as Kricketot was hit by the ball and sucked into it. Elana watched nervously as the pokeball wriggled.

Dark Salamence
03-07-2008, 08:48 PM
A Mareep Mishap

* I might as well work on my next story while I wait for my first one to be graded.


Targeted Pokemon: Mareep
Difficulty: Simple
Characters: 7,371 (No spaces)
Characters With Spaces: 8,990

Elana sat in the comfort of a shady tree and watched her Eevee play around in the pond close by. This was the perfect time to take a rest, after a lot of tough training. Eevee seemed to be enjoying itself. Elana’s dark, brown ponytail swayed in the gentle breeze. Her white shirt and jeans were comfortable, and Elaan was glad. Now she could relax.

Eevee looked like a small brown fox. Its neck was covered in fluffy, cream coloured fur that kept the pokemon warm. Elana thought Eevee was very cute.

Elana’s other pokemon was there too. It was Kricketot, a bug type pokemon that looked like a cricket.

Eevee was playing a game, jumping from Lilly pad to Lilly pad. One of them, however was not a Lilly pad, it was a pokemon.

“Lotad!” said the bluish pokemon. Eevee hoped that Lotad didn’t mind been jumped on. The water pokemon didn’t worry. It wanted to be friends with Eevee! Some more pokemon poked their heads out of the water.

“Mudkip!” cried a water pokemon that looked like a fish with large fins on its body.

“Wooper!” cried a small, cute water pokemon with purple stripes on its body.

“Psyduck!” cried a confused looking water type pokemon that looked like a large, yellow duck.

Eevee swam around in the pond with all of its new friends. Elana knew that they were having great fun. But what Elana didn’t notice was the sheep looking pokemon hiding behind a tree.

“Mareep!” cried the pokemon as it ran up to the pool and began to jump around playfully. The woolly pokemon jumped into the water with a large splash. Eevee was excited. It thought Mareep wanted to play too! Elana took her Pokedex out of her pocket. “Mareep. The sheep pokemon. Mareep stores electricity in its wool and uses the stored power for attacks.”

Elana smiled. Mareep looked like a nice pokemon. But Mareep did not want to play. It’s body tensed as it charged for a Thundershock attack!

“Watch out!” Elana tried to warn the other pokemon. But it was too late. Everyone in the pool was electrocuted by the attack. Elana picked up the injured Eevee and turned to Mareep. “Be nice!” she said to it as she put Eevee down. But Mareep didn’t look like it wanted to play nicely. Eevee faced it.

“Eevee!” the foxlike pokemon said angrily. It looked like a battle was about to start!

Eevee ran at Mareep with Quick Attack. Elana could barely see the normal type pokemoon as it raced at Mareep. Mareep countered with Thundershock! While Eevee was flying back from the impact, Mareep used Cotton Spore! Big spores attatched to Eevee, making it harder for the pokemon to move! Eevee wouldn’t give up yet. It used Take Down. Bam! Mareep went flying into the pond. Eevee’s friends quickly moved out of the pool in case Mareep let loose another electric attack. The pokemon were right.

“Mareep!” It was Mareeps’s Thunder; it’s most powerful attack! Huge bolts of lightning slammed into Eevee. It was out.

Elana picked up Eevee and ran off. She felt like crying. It was her fault that Eevee kept loosing. The fox pokemon opened its eyes. It seemed to be upset when it saw how Elana felt. Eevee knew that it wasn’t Elana’s fault. It tried to tell her. But Elana wouldn’t listen.

“Eevee?” she said sadly. “I know that it’s my fault that we keep loosing. You can have a better life in the wild. I’m sure you’ll be happier there.” And with that she ran off, crying.

Eevee was very upset. It knew that it wasn’t Elana’s fault. It had to go and tell Elana. They were a team. They lost together. It wasn’t Elana’s fault. Eevee had to find Elana before it was too late.

Eevee walked for days, but there was still no sign of Elana. It was starving, and it had to find it’s own food. Eevee was lucky if it passed a stream on its way. It hardly got a drink.

One day, Eevee heard a screeching noise. It looked up into the sky. There was a large pokemon that looked like a bird up there. A Fearow. Eevee knew that Fearow weren’t usually nice. It would have to sneak past the pokemon to continue on its way.

But as Eevee quickly ran past, the large pokemon spotted it in the corner of its eye. It swooped at Eevee. The poor pokemon had to fight back. It used Trump Card to shoot several coloured cards at Fearow. Fearow just blew them away with its large wings. It flew at Eevee. It was Drill Peck attack! Bam! Eevee flew into a tree. But Eevee didn’t give up yet. It used Take Down to slam into Fearow. Eevee was loosing health quickly. Fearow swooped at it. No! This hit would take Eevee out for sure!

Suddenly, a large blast of energy sent Fearow flying. Eevee turned to see a big, blue pokemon rise from a nearby swamp. It stood fairly tall, with orange plates of armour on its body. “Swampert!” it said. Eevee thanked the water pokemon from saving it. Swampert was happy to help. It lead Eevee to a cave where it could rest. Eevee was happy to get some sleep.

The next morning, Eevee awoke. The pokemon was refreshed from all the battling. Eevee knew that Elana wasn’t far away. It started to run towards the slim pathway ahead. The foxlike pokemon stopped in its tracks when it saw a smooth stone. Curiously, the pokemon walked up to it. It put it away, in case it needed it for later.

Eevee continued on its way. After a small while, it heard a cry of help from a nearby tree. After racing over, Eevee found Elana next to the tree, with a pack of Mightyena biting at her!

“Eevee!” The normal type pokemon cried. Elana turned to see it.

“Eevee, is that you?” she asked. Eevee nodded. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I lost belief in myself just because we lost. But after this, we’ll continue being the greatest team there was.” Eevee nodded. But there was no time for apologies now.

Eevee ran at one Mightyena with Quick Attack. Bam! The Mightyena slid into a tree. Next it used Growl. The Mightyena held its ears from the terrible sound. Eevee finished it off with Tackle. It smashed in to the bite with extreme power. The other two Mightyena were angry. Eevee had taken out their leader.

Eevee had defeated that Mightyena easily, now it was time to make quick work of the other two. Eevee used Sand Attack. The two Mightyena were having trouble seeing where Eevee was. Quickly, it used Quick Attack to send them flying back to where the other Mightyena was. It had defeated them!

Eevee ran up to its trainer. They were reunited. “Now,” said Elana, “Time to go and show that Mareep who’s boss!” The friends walked for a long way. They finally reached the pond just when it was getting dark.

“We’d better sleep at the Pokemon Center,” Elana said as she went through the doors. Chansey greeted them and showed them two a bed. As they slept that night, Elana watched the full moon. Tomorrow that Mareep would be hers.

The next morning, Elana set out with Eevee to find the mischievous sheep pokemon. Sure enough, Elana found it sleeping behind a tree. Mareep suddenly awoke to find Elana and Eevee crouching over it. It immidiently jumped up and took its space on a lily pad. It looked like the pond would be the battlefield. That was fine with Elana.

“Eevee, go!” she cried as Eevee jumped out from behind her and took its position on a lily pad.

Mareep wasn’t quick to hesitate. It ran at Eevee for a Tackle. Eevee skilfully dodged. Mareep was surprised that Eevee had managed to escape the attack. It had been running so fast that it flew into the water. Mareep jumped out of the water, more angry than ever. It sprayed the water that it had swallowed out of its mouth and continued the battle. It slammed into Eevee, who, startled, fell into the pond. This was Mareep’s chance. It charged up for a Thunder!

“Underwater Quick Attack!” called Elana as Eevee span like a corkscrew and flew at Mareep who was tackled out of the pond. The sheep pokemon tumbled backwards into a tree.

It jumped at Eevee. The brown pokemon quickly jumped to differentt lily pad. The chase was on! The two pokemon jumped from lily pad to lily pad. But Eevee soon got tired. As it stopped for a moment to catch its breath, Mareep came behind it and pushed it into the water. Mareep quickly jumped in after Eevee and let loose a Thundershock! Sparks went through Eevee’s body. It sizzled as it fell to the ground. It looked badly injured.

"Are you alright Eevee?" Elana asked worriedly. Eevee nodded. "Now let’s show this Mareep who’s boss!" Elana smiled.

“Tail Whip!” called Elana. Eevee smashed its tail into Mareep. The woolly pokemon flew underwater. Eevee followed it. “Tackle!” called Elana as Eevee broke the surface and pushed Mareep through the water. The sheep pokemon flew into a tree.

Both pokemon were tired. They were breathing heavily. Mareep let no time go to waste. It charged for a Thunder! Elana had to think of something fast. “Last Resort!” she called. Eevee sent a massive blast at Mareep!

“Perfect!” said Elana. The sheep pokemon slid along the ground. Elana quickly took a pokeball from her belt. “Pokeball, go!” she cried as she sent the pokeball spinning towards Mareep. The sheep pokemon was sucked inside. The pokeball wriggled, and Elana waited nervously.

Dark Salamence
03-08-2008, 09:18 PM
I'm still waiting for my story to be graded. I might as well reserve this page in case I get bored.

Reserved

~DS

Leman
03-16-2008, 03:24 PM
Wait, so there are two stories? O_o It's sorta confusing, but I guess I'll get to both of them. D:

EDIT:

1st story:
Plot:

Elana walks into the forest, and quickly finds a Kricketot. She battles it and looses to it. Then, her Eevee gets stolen, and she and the Kricketot go and find it. After she rescues it, she asks the Kricketot if it wants to battle. It agrees, and she tries to catch it.

A typical, "kid walks into the forest and finds a Pokemon" story....at first. Then you added the "The starter gets stolen and then the wild Pokemon helps" part. Thats still a really common, and bland plot. Its been used over, and over, and over again. Probably the second most common one there is. For a Kircketot it'll work, but for almost anything else, you're gonna need something more complex.

Also, I felt the story was bland. I can't really say why, it just was... =/

Introduction:

You set the stage for a long story, but with a normal plot line. Again the "I want to beat all the gyms" for a multi-mon capture story has been used a lot. You gave us a bit of Elana's personality but really not much.

You also gave a small, short physical description. Next time, I recommend that instead of blatantly saying:

Elana was short for her age with longish dark, brown hair, tied in a ponytail. She had blue eyes, and wore a plain, white shirt and jeans.

You should instead acctually show us what happens. For example instead of say that she had long dark born hair in a ponytail, you can say: "Her long brown ponytail fluttered in the wind." or something like that. It sounds better. D:

Grammar/Spelling:

A couple things:

Every time you have a new speaker, you should start a new paragraph.

Instead of saying this:
Elana and Kricketot crouched down behind them. Elana could see the tank and could just see the pokemon poachers talking about their latest catch. "This Eevee will be a great pokemon," said one of the men, the one who had caught Eevee in the net. "Yes," said another, "But it will be even better when it evolves." The nasty trio opened a dainty bag with seven items in it. "Eevee will have to evolve now." Elana was almost bursting with anger. "They’re going to force Eevee to evolve!" she whispered. She was so angry that she was about to burst out of the hedge. Kricketot stopped her. "You’re right." Elana sighed. "If I jump out now, we’ll never get Eevee back." Then she smiled. "But we can still plan a surprise attack!"

You should have wrote:
Elana and Kricketot crouched down behind them. Elana could see the tank and could just see the pokemon poachers talking about their latest catch. "This Eevee will be a great pokemon," said one of the men, the one who had caught Eevee in the net.

"Yes," said another, "But it will be even better when it evolves." The nasty trio opened a dainty bag with seven items in it.

"Eevee will have to evolve now." Elana was almost bursting with anger.

"They’re going to force Eevee to evolve!" she whispered. She was so angry that she was about to burst out of the hedge. Kricketot stopped her. "You’re right." Elana sighed. "If I jump out now, we’ll never get Eevee back." Then she smiled. "But we can still plan a surprise attack!"

See? Every time someone new is speaking, a new paragraph starts.

You also should not start a sentence with 'and' or 'but'. You did that a couple times, so watch out for that too.

Length:

A lot more than you needed. You should calculate spaces into the overall total character count. D:

Details:

This was ok, imo. You could have easily described more, but this is good enough. A little bit more about what the three men, the Pokemon center, or the Eevee would have helped a lot. Stories are just bland without details. Nobody wants to reada story without the details. So remember to describe everything!

Well, not much to say. =/

Reality:

I don't know how they could find those guys so quickly. How did they know where to go?

Battle:

Again, I felt it was a little lacking in detail. Instead of saying: "Eevee used Tackle", say "Eevee charged at Kircketot, slamming into it with incredible force." Most of the attacks were described as the latter, but there were one or two that were like the first one.

I'll liked how you used the tree in the battle. Most people forget about their surroundings. You almost made the battle well matched. Again, that was very good. You should try to use all your senses in the next battles though. Tell me what it sounded like and stuff like that. Overall, good work here.

Outcome:

Aside from the story just being bland for some reason, it was pretty good. Kricketot Captured!! If you want to use someof the suggestions to improve the other story feel free to do that, and PM me if you want a grade on that. D:

Eww, its short =/

EDIT2: I have a lot to do at the moment, so I'm gonna get Jackson to grade it. Sorry about that long wait.

Dark Salamence
03-16-2008, 08:48 PM
Thanks Leman! If I have time I may try to improve it. It was nice of you to grade it for me. ^^

~DS

Mitsuzo-kun
03-31-2008, 09:51 PM
I has been told by Leman to grade the second one... So yeah. (:

Expect it up soon.

Mitsuzo-kun
04-01-2008, 12:03 AM
D:

I hate distractions via AIM.

D:

Plot

Elana and her Eevee are resting after capturing a Kricketot. Eevee is playing in the pond with some Pokemon but is attacked by a Mareep. After an emotional discussion, Elana sets her partner free. It wanders about, and finds Elana a few days later. It saves her from some Mightyena, and then goes back to challenge Mareep.

This plot was pretty basic in my opinion. I could see some attempt to vary it from the norm, but it was too cliché. I got bored very quickly, especially with the soppy sad moments. If you’re going to make emotion a big part of your story, it needs to be portrayed realistically and in a way that interests somebody reading. Bringing personality with your characters into it is a good way to include emotion. Having it consistent throughout the story is something good to have.

The Mightyena attack was an issue with me. Again, it’s all about realism. Why would they attack her? Was there a reason? If so, you need to explain and elaborate on it. Maybe use that as another twist in the story. While we’re on realism for the attack, that battle they had with Eevee was just… Woah. How would Eevee defeat all three Mightyena without a scratch? Seriously, that was just weird. They would’ve at least attempted to fight back or retaliate against it. Mightyena is over 3x taller than Eevee and like 5x heavier. A Tackle isn’t gonna knock it that hard against the tree. =/

Grammar

This was pretty good. There were one or two things I’ll point out, however.

…fur that kept the pokemon warm.

Pokemon needs to be capitalized. “Pokemon” is correct.

…jumping from Lilly pad to Lilly pad.

Lily pad doesn’t need the capital “L” because it isn’t a proper noun or the start of a sentence.

…said the bluish pokemon.

This is a common mistake. People put -ish at the end of a word, but in fact bluish isn’t a word. ;3

It was Mareeps’s Thunder; it’s most powerful attack!

Mareeps’s should be Mareep’s. And regarding the semicolon… The second clause of the sentence cannot stand on its own, therefore it shouldn’t be separated by a semicolon. A comma would need to go there instead.

It was her fault that Eevee kept loosing.

Loosing should be losing. Losing is like not winning. Loosing is to throw or eject something, like Mareep was “loosing” a Thunder attack.

…and showed them two a bed.

Two is like plural; more than one. In this case it should be “to”.

It immidiently jumped up…

Length

This was fine, keep it up. (:

Description

This was pretty average. The plain old “so and so wore this, and so and so looked like that” is fine for simple Pokemon, but you’d really want to get into the habit of describing things more implicitly. If something happened, maybe saying what effect it had on the surroundings to describe what it looked like instead of just straight out telling the reader.

Eevee looked like a small brown fox. Its neck was covered in fluffy, cream coloured fur that kept the pokemon warm. Elana thought Eevee was very cute.

This is an example of what I mean. Very outright description that can get slightly dull after a while. Here comes my terrible example of implicit description. ;3

The undersized brown fox Pokemon purred softly as it rubbed it fluffy mane against the tree trunk sitting near it. The cream colour was slightly tainted with dirt from the trunk, but it didn’t bother the young girl. Its cuteness was still overwhelming to Elana; it was adorable!

Eww, bad example. But do you get the idea? This was the main area of description I have the most problems with when reading stories. Implicit description is much more interesting and fun to read than the boring version. ;D

Battle

I’m not sure if this was good or not. I mean, it had a decent number of attacks from both sides and was fairly two-sided, but the descriptions were a bit lacking and it didn’t have much flow.

You did manage to include the surroundings in your battle, which scores extra points for the battle section. I especially liked the underwater Quick Attack that both got Eevee out of the water AND struck Mareep. Very clever. 8-)

For the flow… What I mean is it felt like you wrote one part, stopped, then write the next part another time without giving much thought of how it followed on from the last section. Attacking, and then the counter strike from Mareep, but then disregarding the effects of that to attack again. Eevee was “tired” at the end, but managed to send a “massive blast” at Mareep using Trump Card. That’s an example of what I mean. There’s nothing wrong with stopping and finishing a section another time, but give some thought towards how the battle flows and follows on from the last piece.

Outcome

This was kinda borderline. However, since it was for a simple level Pokemon, I think I can let this slide. Mareep Captured!

Tips for next time

- Work on realism in your plot and explain certain events
- Go over your story at least twice to proofread for any mistakes you can pick up
- Describe attacks more and increase the flow of your battles

Dark Salamence
04-01-2008, 11:16 PM
*Reporting from my wonderful holiday*

Thanks alot Jackson! I thought I didn't have it for a second. I'll be sure to put the sheep to good use.

~DS