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Trainer17
03-25-2008, 04:50 AM
Comments/Reflection from Trainer17 :
- I have decided to write all my URPG Pokemon Capture Stories here, rather than starting a new thread every time.
- I also wish to Thank/Credit some Authors as I may have to use 1 or 2 words[Not More] of your Story Titles to mine.
- Sorry to say, I can't think/make-up something good for a Story Title^^.[/SIZE]
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Going for : Buizel
Characters needed : 5 - 10 K
Category : Simple
Characters so far : 10,013[Part One], 3879[Part Two]
Total Characters : 13,892
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Key :
Professor G.Oak = Professor Gary Oak
PokeZines = Pokemon Magazines


Chapter One : The Start of a New Journey[Part One]

New-Leaf Town. A small, secluded village that was not very well known to the Pokémon World. Certainly, there were other towns that produced top-notch Pokémon trainers, but when New Leaf is mentioned, very few people know of it. Sam, also known as Samuel happened to be one of the several new trainers in New-Leaf Town. For tomorrow, he along with many others, will begin their Pokémon journey.

The sun has been set for several hours. Filled with adrenaline, Sam was far too excited to sleep. He had waited a very long time to start his journey, and now finally, it was possible. Standing there with Samuel is his sister Sarah, who was just a few years older than him. Because her room is next to Sam's, she found it difficult to sleep with all the noise he was making. So instead of shouting at him all night long, she just sat in his bedroom, watching him pack.

"Are you certain of this?" Sarah asked.

"Come on Sarah, I've been waiting for five years, and I've been staying up all night packing. What do you think?" Sam responded with a smile, while putting more clothes into his backpack. "You have no idea how much it means to me to have the age requirements for beginning trainers lowered."

"Anyone else tagging along with you?" Sarah asked. She knew that there definitely could be better questions asked, but at this specific time, she wasn't in much mood to bring up conversation.

"To be honest, I have absolutely no idea. I've asked around to see who else was going, but everybody was either being vague with their, 'some kid down the street from me' or their dumbfounded, 'dur, I dunno'." Samuel continued packing more clothes into it. "Okay, I have my jeans, my t-shirts, and some socks."

"But..are you sure that.. ?" Sarah couldn't finish her question.

"Why do you keep asking me? I've read books on Pokémon training, I've watched Pokémon championship battles; I've also done a lot of research on strategy and technique. Trust me, Sarah, I am ready." Samuel packed a couple of PokeZines[Pokemon Magazines] into his backpack. You can't go traveling without taking anything to read, he thought. He looked over at Sarah. "You can come along too, if you want. You like Pokémon, don't you?"

"You just don't want to be alone.", answered Sarah, while giggling.

"Shouldn't have brought up that question. Look, leave mom up to worrying about me, okay?" Samuel put in his last pair of socks and zipped up his backpack. He then checked his watch. "Good lord, is it really this late?! I'd better go to bed now; last thing I want to do is oversleep. Guess it's my fault for not packing earlier then."

"Ha!" Sarah replied sarcastically, followed with a laugh. "I think it's funny that the last thing you'd speak about would be about sleeping in. It doesn't matter what time you go to bed; you always seem to wake up early!"

"Anything can happen. I always manage to want to stay in bed a little longer when there are places I need to be. Besides, sleeping in wastes half a day. I'll never know how you or anybody else can do that," Samuel replied, putting his backpack on the floor. "I can't sleep in, because the earlier I get to Professor G.Oak's lab, the better chance I have to getting a really good starter Pokémon." As his sister left the room, Samuel crawled under the covers.

Samuel had a hard time sleeping. It took him an hour before he actually started to get drowzy. When he did fall asleep, all he could dream about was Pokémon. He saw many of them in his dreams, and dreamed that he had caught several of them, also while collecting several gym badges. When Samuel woke up the next morning, he was disappointed that it was all a dream, but he was hoping that his dream could lead to a possible déjŕ vu.

Samuel looked at his alarm clock with a plush Clefairy over it, then looked out his bedroom window. Dawn had arrived with the sun to rise shortly after. "I've waited five years for this. Now, I need to go and see which Pokémon Professor G.Oak will give me."

Samuel didn't feel there was enough time to shower, so he just quickly put on a clean pair of clothes, which happened to be a gray t-shirt, and a pair of dark blue jeans. The temperature was going to be much warmer than it was yesterday, and contemplated wearing shorts instead. However, if he gets warmer later on, he could just simply change then. Samuel picked up his backpack and walked downstairs into the kitchen. He then stopped. "Looks like I'm going to just walk out on them. But, at this rate, I can't take the chance of waiting. For all I know, everybody else already has picked their starter Pokémon."

Samuel grabbed a pen and wrote his parents a Goodbye note, saying that he'll see them again just in time before the Pokémon League Championships start. He then picked up some fresh fruit and placed them into his backpack to be eaten later. He put on his running shoes, then put on his backpack. As he took his first steps outside, Samuel took in a deep breath, filling his lungs with the fresh morning air. He also began to wonder again about how successful this journey will be. Of course, he, like everybody else, wants to become a Pokémon Master. However, the reality of achieving such greatness does not seem to be at great odds. He began to feel slightly unsure if he will be a success, or a failure. He then shook his head and reminded himself many times not to over-think: one of his weaknesses.

Samuel started to walk down a dirt road which lead to Professor G.Oak's lab. On the way there, he began to whistle.

"I'm giving people a lot of high hopes for this journey to be a good one. Particularly to myself," Samuel said to himself again. "I'd hate to turn up as a failure; I wouldn't be able to face anybody. Well, I guess that my parents will still be proud of me, but that doesn't really count."

Samuel continued walking down the path. "So many memories. I'm really going to miss this place. But, I will return someday." He then stopped and looked around. "Sheesh, they really aren't kidding about this place when they say how dead the early mornings and late evenings are around here. I can't hear a thing! I haven't passed by a single person. I can't hear the song of a Budew, or anything."

After walking for twenty more minutes, Samuel sat down on a rock to rest and smelled the fresh, cool air of the new summer day. He could see the sun peeking through the trees of the nearby forest. "Could that be even more of a perfect beginning?" He pulled out a bottle of cold water and began to drink it. "It'd be awesome if every day could start out like this. But then again, we need to have it rain once in a while."

Samuel put his bottle away and began walking again. "I'm almost there. Hmm, now that I think about it, I never had a chance to think about which Pokémon I want. There are water, fire, and grass types to choose from. I better start thinking which one I want now, so it'll be easier to pick later." Samuel began to remember the strengths and weaknesses for each type of Pokémon he could choose from. "They all seem well balanced, but, I have to pick one."

It took nearly an hour, but Samuel finally arrived on Professor G.Oak's front porch. At last, it was time for Samuel to select his first Pokémon. Afraid if he was awake or not, Samuel rang the doorbell. A few minutes later, the door was opened by a tall, dark figure. It was none other than the famous Pokemon Professor, Gary Oak. Samuel wasn't surprised by the looks the Professor gave. He was "late". But things went the other way around.

"Come with me, we seem to have some problem with a mischievious Pokemon. Let's see how you get your way around this one." replied the very much, not likely of what a Pokemon Professor would say.

Samuel was really puzzled. First of all, this was the first time Samuel is getting his first Starter. To sum things up, he hadn't had any experiences in battling. He couldn't deny what the Professor asked him for. Without any cross doubts, he followed the Professor to the field outside of the Pokemon Laboratory. With much suspense and anticipation revolving around Samuel's doubtful mind, he had a hunch that something big is waiting for him, or waiting for them.

From the afar, Samuel could see a Pokemon standing tall and proud, like it was psyched up for a Pokemon Battle. "You see, Sam. That Pokemon over there is called a Buizel. Normally Buizel from around these parts are quiet and shy. But that one over there is an arrogant one. I've received complaints from Trainers recently, saying that their Pokemon got seriously got hurt by this Buizel. I decided to take things in my own hands, but that Buizel is determined only to fight New Trainers." Said the Professor.

"So you want me to take this guy down for good? I'd love to help you out Professor, but sorry to burst your bubble, I haven't even got my Starter Pokemon yet", exclaimed Sam.

"Since this will be your first battle, you can take this Pokemon for now." The Professor reached to his inner coat pocket and took out a red-white colored ball.

"This is a Pokeball. It is used to capture wild Pokemon or store the Pokemon you captured. I usually give 5 more empty Pokeballs to New Trainers when they set off for their journey. But it's different this time. This Pokeball here contains Gengar, one of my Pokemon. I don't use it that much, so I reckon you can put it to good use against that Bui.."

Even before the Professor could finish his sentence, he handed the Pokeball to Samuel. "Wow, a Gengar for a Starter like me? Awesome! Don't worry Professor, I won't let you down!" Sam replied in enthusiasm.

"Here's an extra Pokeball, in case you want to capture that Buizel. But do remember, you have weaken that Buizel relatively if you want a successful capture." the Professor added.

Samuel couldn't find any words to say to the Professor. Without any further delays, Sam scurried off.

"I really hope things work out. He he he". The witty old Professor giggled, as he saw Samuel racing towards the unguarded Buizel.

Trainer17
04-05-2008, 06:44 AM
Chapter One : The Start of a New Journey[Part Two]

"Finally!"

Samuel sighed in relief. He finally caught the sight of the rogue, Buizel.

"Bui..Bui Bui!" The sea weasel taunted Samuel, like as if it wanted a fight from him.

"You have been really naughty Buizel, and it's time to put things back where it came from, go Pokeball!" Samuel added as he flung his right hand forward, tossing a Pokeball he received earlier.

The red and white sphere ball, even before having any contacts with the earth, opened up and released a bright blinding light. When the light started to disappear, a dark purple figurine stood before the Buizel, not even moving an inch.

It let out an eerie screech, "Gen...Garr," like it was too, prepared for the brawl between the Buizel.

"Wow, that Gengar. It looks pretty strong, who am I kidding, that is the Professor's Pokemon after all."

Samuel made a mistake by admiring Gengar too much, that he didn't see a attack coming from Buizel. Within moments, the Buizel tossed itself up in the air and wagged it's tail back and forth, forming a trio of small whirlwinds which headed towards the Gengar. Since this was Samuel's first battle, he rather had some blind thoughts, and didn't know what to do or how to respond immediately.

The Gengar was pretty much helpless. Without any commands from it's current Trainer, it couldn't do much of a thing. The Razor Wind whipped up by Buizel had a direct hit at Gengar now, sending it flying towards an oak tree.

"Bam!"

The Gengar was rebounded back to the ground, thanks to the tree that was in it's way.

"Gen..gar...", the Gengar stood back on it's feet as it saw the Buizel descending back to the ground, after it's successful aerial attack. Samuel knew he had to do something, before things get out of hand.

The Buizel was starting to get more confident by the minute. With a blink of an eye, the Buizel started to race towards Gengar at an astounding speed, only to realize that it's using Agility. Samuel looked at Gengar with a sly look on his face.

"I may be a new Pokemon Trainer, but that ain't mean your going to win, Buizel. Gengar, we may started off bad, but it's time to put things to an end."

"Gen..Gar!" Gengar somehow believed in Samuel's words and thought if he was putting his words into action. It awaited for Samuel's command, and saw the Buizel closing in.

"Wait for it...Now use Shadow Ball, Gengar!" Samuel voiced out to Gengar.

Gengar was smirking, as he held out his two sharp claw-like hands and generated a black aura. In an instant, Gengar set off the energy ball, which caught the Buizel by surprise. The Buizel was thrown backwards by the Shadow Ball, and even before it could break the Shadow Ball apart, it saw Gengar closing in.

"Hmm, let's try a Thunderpunch, Gengar!." Samuel once again voiced out to Gengar, not allowing the Buizel to recover from the last attack.

The Gengar clenched up its left hand, in which electricity seem to gather and charge up within it's claws and finally, Gengar pummeled the Buizel with it's Thunderpunch. The impact was so huge, that the Buizel was jettisoned to the air by the tremendous power of the Thunderpunch. Before minutes, the Buizel was falling towards the ground below.

"Buii..." The Buizel was using one of it's arsenal moves, somewhat seemed to be Sonicboom, which it thought it could reduce the damage sustained from the fall. But to no avail, the move failed, and it seemed that the Buizel was plunging to it's death. The Gengar looked back at Samuel, as if it awaited him to make a move.

"Okay, okay! I know. Sheesh, give me a break Gengar", Samuel sighed as he threw a empty Pokeball towards the Buizel.

The Pokeball hit the Buizel lightly, before the moments, the ball opened and sucked in the almost fainted sea weasel and closed. It fell to the ground and began rolling left and right.

Samuel and Gengar glanced at the Pokeball as it wiggled once, twice ...

Phantom Kat
04-13-2008, 12:34 AM
Aww, grading all these Buizel stories makes me want to have one. They are so cute! I also managed to fix that log in problem I had. ^^

Plot: Samuel is a new trainer and after a talk with his sister, goes to sleep after he finished packing. The next morning, he wakes up with some doubts but still goes to Professor Oak’s lab where he finds he needs to battle a Buizel. Using Gary’s Gengar, he battles the weasel and attempts to capture it.

It was simple and extremely original but it was perfect for the Simple Pokemon and this being your first story. What I liked was the fact that Samuel had so many doubts running through his head as he went to get his Pokemon and wasn’t the cocky new trainer we tend to see on many trainer stories. After that, Samuel’s confident boost in the battle really showed how much he wanted to be a trainer. The Buizel twist added some flair of originality to an otherwise cliché plot but don’t be afraid to go outside the box with your stories. Thinking of new plot twists is fun and it can happen while you’re watching TV, listening to music, etc. Try to make your plot as original as possible because it’s a must for higher leveled Pokemon. If you want to use an overused plot like this one, twist it up as much as possible.

Introduction: Samuel, nervous and unable to sleep, has a late night conversation with his sister, Sarah.

Overall, it was nice. You told us the main setting, a quaint town of New Leaf and the main character, Samuel. I liked the conversation he had with his sister because it told us about Samuel’s personality and how he was nervous even though he had prepared for a long while. All I can say to work on is your description of the setting and the characters. I didn’t really get a solid picture of the town or Samuel which is very important because you want your story to start out with a bang. Tell us about the houses with their small fences and their neatly clipped lawns and show Samuel’s wavy brown hair and stunning blue eyes (making up how he looks like to say this). You can do this by weaving the information as Sarah and him talk and as he is doing actions instead of just spewing out the information for us to read. The introduction is what sometimes makes or breaks the story so you want it to the best possible.

Grammar/Spelling: It was good, it’s obvious you spellchecked through this, but I still saw mistakes and typos.

The Gengar clenched up his left hand, in which electricity seem to gather and charge up within it's claws and finally, Gengar pummeled the Buizel with it's Thunderpunch.

“It’s” means “it is” which you used incorrectly here. What you are looking for is “its” which means the “it” is possessing something.

"Okay, okay! I know. Sheesh, give me a break Gengar", Samuel sighed as he threw a empty Pokeball towards the Buizel.

The comma should be inside the quotation marks, not outside. Also, you need a comma before “Gengar” because Samuel is addressing it.

"Gen..gar...", the Gengar stood back on it's feet as it saw the Buizel descending back to the ground, after it's successful aerial attack. Samuel knew he had to do something, before things get out of hand.

You do not need the comma (at least I don’t think so, I hate grammar xP) and the “t” should be capitalized because it’s not saying that Genager spoke in some manner (like “screamed”, “muttered”, “groaned”). “It’s” should “its”, too.

Other than that, some sentences were worded weirdly so as your proofreading, read aloud and check if the sentences flow well.

Length: More than enough, good job!

Description/Detail: There was minimal here and there but it was mostly about the characters’ actions than actually seeing what was going on. Describe both the characters and the surroundings as much as possible by using all of your senses, not just sight. This means Samuel, Sarah, Gary, and all the Pokemon you encounter. Just because we’re on a Pokemon forum it doesn’t mean you can get away of not describing them. Just like you should describe everything else, describe the Pokemon in color, features (fangs, eyes, etc), and anything else you can think of. When describing, use stuff like: “the jade-colored trees”, “the glistening fangs”, “the spiky violet fur”, and so on. Paint a picture with us, everything you see should be seen in your story.

Battle: This was very good, maybe a bit short, but it was good for the Simple Pokemon. I like how it shows that Samuel is a beginner by not exactly being “in the zone” at the beginning. Once again, you just need to describe more and in this case, I mean the attacks. How did the Shadow Ball look like? The Sonicboom? To make it more realistic, add how the attack looks like as it is being powered, when it is launched, and how it hit. Description just makes the battles pop and it makes much more exciting.

Outcome: Despite lack of description and grammar problems (with the awkward wording in some parts), this was a great first story. So, Buizel captured! For future stories, think up of the most original plot you can, pay attention to your grammar, and describe everything from the characters to the surroundings. Other than that, keep on writing and have fun with the cute little weasel! ^^

- Kat

Trainer17
04-13-2008, 03:31 AM
Comments/Reflection from Trainer17 :
-Firstly, Kat, thank you so much for giving me an awesome Story Grading previously^^.
-Secondly, yes, Buizels are indeed the Cute PWNers xD.
-Lastly, I'll have to work a bit more harder on this next Story of mine.
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Going for : Elekid
Characters needed : 5 - 10K
Category : Simple and Medium
Characters so far : 17,291
Total Characters : 17,291
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Chapter Two : Electrifying Encounter

Prologue:

Twiggle, Twiggle, Ping!

The red light which appeared in the center of the spherical ball disappeared into thin air, as Samuel approached it with caution. He seemed to be in the doubtful, unclear state, wondering if he indeed succeeded in capturing the Buizel.

"Hmm, the ball is motionless. That could only bring me to one conclusion. You're now in my hands my arrogant friend." Samuel finally caught that mischievious Buizel.

"Thanks Gengar, without your aid, I wouldn't have captured Buizel. You seem to have pretty good moves in your arsenal. I bet we can beat anyone as long as we are together!" Samuel giggled as he saw Gengar approaching him.

"Gen..Gengar" The Gengar seemed to be worn out in one way or another, after all, it had used some of its powerful moves like Shadow Ball and Thunderpunch.

"Well, time to head back to the lab. The Professor might be waiting for us. Return Gengar!" Samuel added as he reached into his pocket and took out a red and white sphere and retrieved the Gengar back.

Without any further adieu, Samuel quickly trotted back to the Professor's laboratory to inform him of the good news. From afar, the Professor saw a boy returning with a Pokeball in his right hand.

"Huff, puff, here's the Buizel, Professor. I caught him at ease! Thanks to your Gengar that is!" Samuel replied.

"Quite some work young man, you look pretty worn out, Why don't take a rest for a while and resume your journey tomorrow?" asked the humble Professor.

"Sure Professor, and hope you got some refreshments and some fine accommodations inside!".

Samuel scurried towards the front of the Professor's lab, and together with Prof.Gary, he entered the Pokemon Laboratory. The long-haired boy raised an eyebrow as he saw the interior of the laboratory.

"Alright Samuel, go right up ahead, and cut around the right hand corner, and there's a bedroom. Rest up and get prepared by tomorrow, and If you don't mind, can I have the Pokeballs back?" Professor Gary requested.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Here they are professor. Alright, I'm going off now Professor." Without any words of concern, Samuel swept across the laboratory floors and made his way to the designated room.

From somewhere else in the lab, a door opened and the sounds of chatter filled the area. Samuel's eyes darted open, as he stood still. He had recognized one of the voices at once. The voice he never wanted to hear again, but knew he would never get away from it. Joshua had come. The pretentious prick who had been making life a living hell for almost as long as Samuel knew had come to make himself a Pokemon trainer.

Quickly, Samuel took a quick 'U-turn', and made his way back to the area where he heard the chit-chat. Upon reaching there, Samuel could hear the determination in the footsteps on the gravel path. He didn't need to turn around to know that his rival was just behind him, but he couldn't turn his deep, brown eyes away from his friend. He turned and smiled at him.

His old friend, and a new rival however, wore a simple white t-shirt and Jean shorts, and a pair of top notch shoes. Across his shoulder was a simple black backpack, and on his belt were six brand new, empty Pokeballs which he had gotten from his brother. He tossed his long black pony tail over his shoulder as he turned around.

“Good morning, Joshua. What brings you here?” Samuel spoke, with a casual grin.

Joshua giggled. “You have the nerve to ask? You know plain well what I'm doing here, Samuel. I'm going to be one of the top Pokemon Trainers in the world. Not you, or even your brother can put a stop to this!”

Joshua smirked as he made that sly comment, and made his way out of the Laboratory, seeming that his work there is done; getting his Starter Pokemon that is.

"What the hell did my brother do to deserve this?! Oh yes. Of course, if only he wasn't..." Samuel paused as he saw another figurine entering the Laboratory.

"We certainly are having some visitors today, how wonderful" Professor Gary chuckled as he waited patiently.

"Good evening Professor, am I supposed to get my Starter Pokemon anytime now?" a voice echoed through the walls of the Laboratory.

Samuel covered up his blushed cheeks, as he certainly knew who that maiden was at the doors. She was a beautiful young woman, no older then 13. Fairly tall for her age, she wore a simple cyan halter top, along with a white mini skirt. She had long brown hair, about waist length. Her eyes were a very beautiful, almost crystal blue color, and she wore a small, golden locket. Her shoes were rather dull in color, being a simple shade of red and nothing more. She had a brown purse strapped across her shoulder, which went from her left shoulder to her right hip. She walked up to where Samuel and the Professor was standing, her hands clasped together behind her back as she skipped and turned to look at Professor Gary himself. This was Stephanie.

“Well…um, Hi Steph...” said Samuel, and Stephanie knew what was coming before he even continued. His trembling voice often clashed with her outgoing personality.

“…you and I won't be the only candidates. There are a lot of talented people here.” Samuel gave her a very adult look, a strange thing coming from someone only one year older than her. As Stephanie rolled her eyes and turned away, Samuel gazed back upon her, and the tone in his voice slipped a little. “Of course, there's no doubt that we can beat them all..?”

Stephanie looked up, almost overjoyed at the thought. “Of course Sammy! With us working together, we shall be the unstoppable!”

Samuel smiled. “We'll just help each other out basically. We would have no trouble in that, right?” He walked over to Stephanie, and she looked up at him. He smiled at her, and spoke, “It's just going to be so much fun.”

Stephanie smiled. “You’re such a nice person, Sam.” She turned and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight. Those two were nothing more then friends, though the way Stephanie acted, one might think otherwise. Samuel never was positive where his relationship with Stephanie was going, but he knew that they would be together forever. Despite being nervous, he knew what this day could mean for them. He wrapped his arms around his friend, and held her tight. The thought that they could be separated today was something he had, up until that point, managed to ignore. But now, his heart ached.

Tears were now forming in Stephanie's eyes. The thought of being separated from him was something she didn't want. She wanted to stay with him, no matter what. She was, however, only able to snuggle a moment more before Professor Gary called out for her. He had his eyes closed, with a happy look on his face.

"Why hello there Stephanie," the Professor spoke. "I believe this is what your looking for?." Stephanie looked up and quickly broke from the hug. She quickly wiped her eyes and switched to a rather nervous emotion now. Her mind was racing with multiple possibilities, but only one of them was what she hoped would come to pass.

The humble Professor passed a sparkling red Pokeball, along with 5 other empty ones, together with the Pokemon Encyclopedia, the Pokedex. Stephanie walked forward, and collected her prized Pokeballs, and the Pokedex. She was filled with happiness and joy, that she once again thanked the Professor, and was ready to take her leave. Before she exited the Pokemon Laboratory, she turned back at Samuel, wondering if she can get any farewell signs.

Samuel nodded toward Stephanie. “Don't worry Steph, I will follow you as soon as possible. We will definitely meet again.” He spoke out.

"Mmm... Sure!" Tears once again flow out of Stephanie's eyes as she exited the Laboratory. But one thing was for sure. She will come across Samuel eventually, on one faithful day.

Epilogue:

A golden sun rises over the calm waters of Twin-Leaf Town. The morning mist clears, leaving sparkles of dew on the soft, green grass. Today was the day that Samuel had been waiting for; the day where Samuel finally leaves his town to begin his epic journey. As he gazed upon the peaceful colors on the ocean horizon, Samuel took in a deep breathe as he walked out of his room, and started heading towards Professor Gary's room.

As Samuel made his way to the Professor's room, he was already intense and self-motivated, which made him think what proper Starter Pokemon is he going to get this time. Samuel thought about this as he went into the Pokemon Professor's room. It was a small room and was densely covered with Pokemon Magazines all over, and the bookshelves in that room were lined with complicated and lengthy encyclopedias, all on capturing, training, and breeding Pokémon. Electronics buzzed, droned out only by the florescent lights above them. The Professor led Samuel into another section of the room, where the desks were lined by sterile objects and neatly organized utensils. In the corner, the Professor pushed a button, and from nowhere, three little compartments opened and from each popped a Pokéball.

Samuel’s attention went straight to the Pokeball that sat in between the other two. The ball looked like any other red and white Pokeball, but on the top was a small electric symbol. The professor picked up the Pokeball in his large hand.

"Here you go." He handed him the Pokeball, his fingers brushing against Samuel's palm as he did so.

He looked at it, his fingers wrapped tightly around the ball. This was his second Pokemon, technically after he used Gengar, and this time it is a electric type. He took a deep breath. "Can I let it out now, Professor?" he asked, his voice trembling a little with excitement. The professor smiled at his anticipation.

“Of course you can,” he said.

Samuel pressed the small white button on the Pokeball, and it opened suddenly, a red blast of energy beaming from it. The energy took the shape of a feisty little titan, and when the red light faded, the shiny yellow Elekid let out a happy cry. It had two "horns" on top of it's head which generated some static electricity to and fro. It had sharp eyes that stared back at Samuel, eyes that held happiness and the promise of loyalty.

“It seems to like you,” the good professor said. "But would you like to try out this little critter? I just caught it not a few days ago, and I'm not sure if it fits to be a Starter Pokemon like I usually give out to Starting Trainers.

Samuel replied, "That would be great Professor. I'll be glad too!".

"Ele! Elekid!" the feisty Pokemon let out a startling growl, stating that it's psyched up for a battle.

“Ha ha, looks like that Elekid is pretty much ready for a battle,” the professor said, "But before that, let me give you these remaining gadgets." The professor handed him five more of the red and white Pokeballs, together with Elekid's one, and a small red rectangle look-a-like Encyclopedia. "This here, is a Pokedex," Professor Gary said, holding up the red rectangle. "It’ll hold information on your Pokemon and tell you about others."

"Let me try that on this Elekid" saying so, Samuel pointed the device towards Elekid. The gadget opened up and lights were flickering all over, and soon it began to spit out some information about the Elekid.

Elekid, the Electric-Type Pokemon. It generates electricity by whirling its arms. If it touches metal and discharges the electricity it has stored in its body, Elekid then begins swinging its arms in circles to recharge itself.

"Wow, this is cool! Thanks Professor" Samuel said, "Now it's time for our battle, ready Elekid?"

"Ele..Kid!" the Elekid was amused by Samuel's enthusiasm in battling, as it clenched its rock like fists, and started generating sparkling yellow electricity.

"Ah well, you might need this Pokemon here. Show me what you really can do, boy" the Professor chuckled, as he handed over a peculiar Pokeball over to Samuel.

"Oh yeah, I remember, Come on out, my shady friend!" Samuel darted the Pokeball into the air, which opened and let out a frightening shadow which crept out of the Pokeball.

"Gen..Gar..." the Gengar slowly descended to the floors of the Pokemon Professor's Laboratory.

"Boom!"

The Gengar landed with an astounding tremor. On the other side however, it made the Elekid to tremble about, but it looked like nothing can intimidate this little guy. Elekid started to swing its arms to and fro, preparing for a battle.

Thinking that it has gotten a head start, Elekid opened its small mouth and soon, glowing, start-like projectiles shot out of its much like a Squirtle’s Bubblebeam. Soon did it knew that normal type moves have no effect on ghost type like Gengar.

"Send that Swift back to Elekid, Gengar! Use Psychic!" Samuel ordered.

With a swift of its paws, Gengar went into some kind of stance, and used Psychic which redirected the glowing stars right back at the astounded Elekid. Knowing this, Elekid could do nothing but to take the hit.

"Boom!"

Elekid was knocked into the walls of the Pokemon Laboratory, and hit the ground with a thud, landing on its head. It slowly righted itself up but wobbled around, as it was dizzy from the fall. Elekid was rather stubborn in this battle. Yet again, it charged towards Gengar. As it went closer, Elekid got its paws together, which brought up a protective shield. Thinking that, it might be protected from Gengar's moves by its Light Screen. Elekid was closing in to Gengar.

"What is that Elekid trying to do? Gengar, use Psychic again and throw that Elekid to your left!"

Gengar did exactly what Samuel asked it to do. Elekid, once again, was helpless and smashed into the other side wall of the Pokemon Laboratory. After hitting the ground hard, Elekid finally shook the dizzy feeling off and got into a fighters stance, ready for a true battle.

With that Elekid charging like a bull right at Gengar this time, with its horns sticking out and brimming with Electricity. Samuel knew it was trying to gore and electrocute Gengar at the same time.

"Gengar! Watch out for those horns!" Samuel cried.

Gengar began to jump around as the Elekid charged at him repeatedly. Samuel began to get worried, Gengar couldn’t keep jumping, and sooner or later, Elekid would find its mark and zap him. Samuel then noticed a nearby cylindrical generator.

"Gengar! Jump in front of that generator to your right!" Samuel commanded.

Gengar, using its superior agility, did a back flip over the charging Elekid and ran to the front of the generator. Elekid turned around, only to see Gengar sticking its tongue out at it in defiance. Elekid glared and charged horn-first once more.

"Gengar! Get out of the way!" Samuel called.

Gengar quickly jumped high in the air, out of harms way. Elekid couldn’t get out of the way in time, and its horns got lodged in of those Generators! This is just what Samuel had planned. On the way back down, Gengar landed on its back and bounced off as Elekid tried to dislodge its horns.

"Alright! Now let’s do some damage! Gengar! Go in for a Shadow Ball!" Samuel ordered.

Gengar's sharp claws began to generate somewhat black-colored energy ball, and began to smother that trapped Elekid, as Gengar charged towards it.

"Ele...Kiiid!"

It looked like Elekid manipulated the energy stored in the generator, to its own advantage! Even before Samuel could warn off Gengar, he saw generated electricity gathering around Elekid, as it began to use one of its most deadly moves, Thunder.

"Uh-oh…" Samuel gulped.

Elekid soon broke free from the generator, and returned to an upright position and raised its arms into the air. On the other hand, Gengar has prepared that dark-aura it was gathering in its paws, as it dived in to blast that Elekid with a Shadow Ball.

"KA..BOOM!!!"

A huge blast soon occurred in the Pokemon Laboratory, and the scene was too bright for Samuel to see what was going on. After a full minuet of this, Elekid stopped, and began panting for air. While Gengar was thrown off by the blitzkrieg Thunder, and had its face planted onto the ground.

"Gengar! Are you alright?!" Samuel cried, running over to aid his fallen comrade.

Gengar groaned as it turned over and weakly stood up, wobbling a bit in the process, it was slightly singed, but no real physical damage. It weakly pointed a small hand towards Elekid, beckoning his trainer to look. Samuel looked and saw that Elekid had used up all its energy, as it was still panting.

“Hey, it must’ve wasted all its power with that jolt! Gengar, think you can deliver one final blow?" Samuel asked.

Gengar turned to its master and weakly nodded, as if saying "I’ll try…"

"Alright, try and muster up a Drain Punch!" Samuel shouted.

Gengar, once again, gathering its remaining energy, pounded the Elekid with a life sapping Drain Punch. It sapped whatever was left within Elekid, and restored some of Gengar's energy. Soon, the force of Gengar's move was enough to send the tired Elekid flying into the ceilings. Elekid smacked into it hard and came crashing to the floors of the Pokemon Lab, face-planted the ground. It rolled over on its back with a dazed look on its face; looked like it's finally down.

With a quick toss of his new Pokeball, the frail and weak Elekid was sucked up into the red and white sphere. The ball soon dropped to the floors and rolled to and fro...

Phantom Kat
06-23-2008, 04:55 AM
Sorry for not doing this earlier, I woke up late and exhausted. D=

Plot: After Samuel catches the Buizel, he meets up with the professor and also with his rival. Then, he meets up with Stephanie, a friend he’s afraid he won’t meet again. Later, Samuel goes back to the lab for his starter Pokemon, an Elekid, but the Electric type goes wild and fights Gengar. As Elekid faints, a Growlithe bursts to help the injured Elekid and is also battled.

The plot seemed too unoriginal for the two Pokemon. He meets up with his rival and after that, he goes for his starter Pokemon. Though it is a continuation, it just seemed like a “kid who wants to be a trainer goes to get his starter Pokemon” plot. The Growlithe bit at the end was unexpected, but at the same time, it seemed random. Why was Growlithe protecting the Elekid? Where did it come from? How did it know Elekid was being hurt? Since I don’t know any of that, it just seemed like a way to get Growlithe into the picture for a battle. This plot might have been fine for Elekid alone, but it just doesn’t seem original enough for both Elekid and Growlithe.

Introduction: You don’t really need an intro since this is a continuation, but in the future, write a small recap of the last story in case another Grader grades it, going back to read other stories is tedious. ^^; Also, the next time you continue, tell us again where Samuel was and how he looks like so we know what he looks like.

Grammar/Spelling: Some of your sentences were weirdly worded, many small typos here and there, and there sometimes you used the wrong word. Whenever you write a story, go over it and proofread at least twice (reading it aloud is better).

"Huff, puff, here's the Buizel, Professor. I caught him at ease!

You mean “with ease”. “At ease” is an order people to relax after being at attention.

That could only bring me to one conclusion. You're now in my hands, my arrogant friend."

Need a comma because Samuel is addressing Buizel.

Rest up and get prepared by tomorrow, and If you don't mind, can I have the Pokeballs back?"

“If” shouldn’t be capitalized.

Joshua smirked as he made that sly comment, and made his way out of the Laboratory, seeming that his work there is done; getting his Starter Pokemon that is.

“Laboratory” shouldn’t be capitalized because it isn’t a proper noun, and the semicolon shouldn’t be there, maybe a coma instead?

Samuel paused as he saw another figurine entering the Laboratory.

A “figurine” is a small figure, you mean “figure”.

She was a beautiful young woman, no older then 13.

All numbers below “100” should be written out. So “13” is “thirteen”.

She walked up to where Samuel and the Professor was standing, her hands clasped together behind her back as she skipped and turned to look at Professor Gary himself.

Should be “were” because you’re talking about more than one person.

With us working together, we shall be the unstoppable!”

“The” shouldn’t be there.

Before she exited the Pokemon Laboratory, she turned back at Samuel, wondering if she can get any farewell signs.

Should be “to”.

A golden sun rises over the calm waters of Twin-Leaf Town.

It’s “Twinleaf Town”.

As he gazed upon the peaceful colors on the ocean horizon, Samuel took in a deep breathe as he walked out of his room, and started heading towards Professor Gary's room.

It’s “breath”.

And I’ll stop there. Really, there were many small mistakes that made the story annoying to read. Like I said, proofread your story when you’re done with it.

Length: This section is good.

Description/Detail: This section was iffy. You described the human characters well and there times like the beginning of the epilogue that the description was nice, but you neglected describing some other things. The Pokemon need to be described better and also their attacks. What did Drain Punch look like? Psychic? Those things need to be seen just as well as the human characters. Also, I felt that the surroundings were not described as much as I would have liked them to be. The lab in the middle of the story was described well, but in the beginning, I couldn’t see where they were.

Battle: The battle with Elekid was fine, it was lengthy and it seemed two-sided. I liked how the generator was used as both an advantage and disadvantage; good job using your surroundings there. The battle with Growlithe, however, was disappointing. Magnemite beat him with three attacks while the puppy didn’t even hit the Electric type; it was overall too short and once-sided. Always make your battles as lengthy and two-sided as possible, no matter how well you did with the rest of the story. Also, from what I know, Magnemite can't learn Tri-Attack.

Outcome: It was lengthy story, but the plot was too unoriginal for the both of them, the grammar mistakes made this annoying to read, and the Growlithe battle was just not good. Sorry, but I have to say, Elekid captured, but Growlithe not captured! Sorry but the story just isn’t good enough for the both of them; the plot is what is mostly keeping the puppy from you. My suggestion is to use a more original plot for Growlithe (as in, write another story for him) and fixing the grammar and the battle. If you do decided to attempt to capture Growlithe, I’ll be more than happy to grade it. Until then, enjoy Elekid. ^^

- Kat

Trainer17
06-23-2008, 08:08 AM
Comments/Reflection from Trainer17 :
-That didn't go well, But still thanks for the Elekid! ^^
-Double Capture failed, but Story edited for only Elekid.
-This isn't a continuous story from above, but a fresh new one.
==================================================
Going for : Zubat & Starly
Characters needed : 10-20K
Category : Simple
Characters so far : 3,537
Total Characters : None
==================================================
A few notes to the one grading this story :
*Pokemon can talk in this story of mine, so don't go "uh, what on earth?!" or something.
*Some Poems/Quotes might pop up here and there, but nonetheless, they are related to the story.
*The Ending of my story depends on whether my capture is successful or not, different from any other story.
*I'll post them after you've graded, and this does not count towards the actual characters needed for capture.

Characters :
*Valen the Zubat
*Vice the Stary
*Pikachu the Pikachu
-More soon-

"...Everyone would love to be the sunshine,
which lights up your path and make your day bright everyday;
But I want to be the moon, whom shines upon you,
and is there with you, during your darkest hours..."


Chapter Three : Twin Feathers of Fury!

The sound of small wings flapping could be heard as a tiny creature fluttered about Iron Mountain aimlessly, ears twitching in an effort to pick up something peculiar via echolocation. He was rather small, even for a Zubat, and his fur was oddly ruffled and shaggy on the top of his little head and back; he’d spent a good amount of time rubbing his head all over various surfaces to make it ruffled to his liking. The few other Zubat in this part of the cave simply flew by without giving him a word of greeting, as if they didn’t want to have anything to do with him. Valen was used to this treatment, and didn’t give it a second thought. He was, as the other Zubat put it, "naive". Trusting in others and usually very perky, he acted a little out of of place in such a dim and dank cave. This and his daily searching of the mountain sort of made him the odd one of the Iron Mountain Zubat tribe. This little issue primarily stemmed from a conversation he had a year or two back with a Paras while his Trainer was busy recovering from an unfortunate encounter with a Geodude. The Paras had mentioned his worry for his Trainer; this confused Valen, as at that point in time he knew nothing of them. But upon hearing the experiences the Trainers and Pokemon went through together, everything changed. He heard of traveling to distant towns, working with all manner of different Pokemon, intense battles with opposing Trainers, and the teamwork of the Trainer and their Pokemon. Swept up in the adventurism of tales of combat and friendship, Valen began to idolize Pokemon Trainers.

Of course, he didn’t take into account the fact that he was a runt in a colony of possibly the most readily available Pokemon species in all of Sinnoh. Also, to add the fact that most of his fellow Zubats regularly got beaten down in droves by some random trainer passing through Iron Mountain. He also didn’t give much thought to the fact that he’d been waiting for his very own Pokemon Trainer for somewhere around 2 years now and had been ignored in favor of one of those sturdy looking rock-snake Onix, or it's counterpart evolution, Steelix, one with a steel coat as a touching layer, almost every time one came by. Armed with his ruffly hairstyle and Supersonic, He was certain in his mind that he would be unique and helpful enough to charter a spot on a fresh new Trainer’s team. With this enthusiasm, he had been patrolling the area near the Iron mountain entrance, constantly listening for the sound of a Pokemon Trainer entering to head in to explore. He had always found at least one person heading through each day, but it was already almost dinnertime, and there hadn’t been one new arrival. Come to think of it, even those trainers who had an odd tendency of hanging out in the deeper recesses of Iron mountain and challenging random other trainers to battles had been missing lately. Valen was starting to feel somewhat disconcerted by this turn of events, evidenced by the grimace his large, fanged mouth was screwed up in. Tired of his constant air patrol, he finally decided to give it a rest and fluttered down to a nearby rock ledge, stopping his fluttering a couple of inches above it and letting herself flop awkwardly forward onto a bed of moss that was growing on it. A Geodude staring down from the edge of the rock twitched and instantly whipped around, but released a sigh of relief upon seeing that it was only a Zubat. It then turned back to the edge, watching whatever was down there with the steely patience of a Slowbro.