View Full Version : An Unsuspecting Surprise in the Water (READY TO BE GRADEd)

05-04-2005, 04:55 AM
This is my second story and i know i suck at story's but i decided to try this so I could get one of my favorite pokemons WAILMER so I hope you like it and PLEASE DO NOT POST IN HER UNLESS YOUR ME OR ONE OF THE GRADERS!!! You can send me a private message telling me comments.
An Unsuspecting Surprise in the Water

“Matt, Matt, get up Matt!” Matt’s annoying Little Sister Veronica screamed while dancing around the bed.

“Come on Matt!” she screamed again.

Matt then sits up in his bed and rubs his eyes to open them and see his sister with a big grin on her face. Matt is a young thirteen year old boy who has brown hair, brown eyes and braces.

“Why’d you wake me up.” Matt said softly while putting his feet firmly on the ground.

“Oh I just like to be annoying and also your going to be late for the bus bye!” the annoying little brat said as she skipped out the door ready for school.

Matt screamed pulling his hair screaming, “Not again, not again! If I miss one more day of school I’ll get kicked out.

Matt hopped out of bed scampering for the dresser wear his clothes are. Matt found a shirt and his sandals and headed out his bedroom door and began down the stairs.

Matt was running down the stairs when his sandals flip off and make him trip. Matt’s fell down the stairs rumbling and tumbling until he reached the bottom and then his face smashed into the hard wooded floor. Matt put his arms under his chest and forced himself up to his feet. Matt looks around for his sandals but can’t find them.

“Oh well” Matt said as he started out the front door into the bright sunlight.

Matt didn’t get two steps out the door when a whistle came from beside him.

“Hey big boy, you free tonight!” a neighborhood girl screamed looking at Matt.

Matt was puzzled because not that many girls ask him out when he felt a slight draft coming on. Matt looks down and notices that he forgot to throw on a pair of shorts.

“Ahh!” Matt screamed as him and his boxers were out in the open for everyone to see.

Matt runs inside his house with his face being as re as a fresh tomatoe.

“Why does this stuff always happen to me.” Matt asked himself.

Matt runs up the stairs in grief knowing he is already late for school. Matt grabs some shorts out of the dresser, puts them on, and then checks the top of the dresser for a little box. He opened the little brown box and in there laid three red and white spherical balls. He then stuffed the balls into one of his two pockets in his shorts.

Matt then said to himself, “Well maybe being kicked out of school is good for me, now I can focus on my pokemon and becoming a Pokemon Master like my dad.”

Matt then walked over to a lone corner in his room and grabbed a backpack sitting on the ground. He opened it and took all the books and papers out and put in it empty red and white spherical balls, a red book like object (a pokedex), and a few snacks for his journey.

Matt then took one final look at his room and headed out the bedroom door. Matt this time didn’t trip down the stairs but did stumble a few times. Matt found his cellphone sitting on a table near the end of the stairs and swiped it off the table. He then started out the door toward what is now Matt’s journey.

Matt got two steps out the door and looked down making sure his shorts were on. He walked out on the narrow path looking at his humble little home in Lillycove City and then started running away trying to look excited for his new trip.
2 be continued

05-04-2005, 04:57 AM
Matt thought that the first gym he wanted to hit was the one in Mossdeep City so Matt started to walk over near the bay to maybe catch a ferry over near the docks.

Matt reached the docks and saw a ferry sitting there with a lot of people onboard. Matt ran over to the large ship and noticed that he was out of money. He tried just walking past a sailor standing near the ferry collecting money but he got caught. So then Matt saw a big fat red headed lady about to walk on the ferry. Matt got behind her wear the nosy sailor couldn’t see him and Matt successfully climbed aboard the ship.

He walked away from the lady and began to journey along the crowded pink and white ferry. Matt found a seat and sat down. He looked at Lillycove City one last time as he may not return there ever again and then turned his head and looked to the ground.

Matt gets seasick a lot so he was quite feeling good just being on the water. But with one quick little jerk the boat set sail.

Matt tried closing his eyes and having his head pointed down to the floor but he couldn’t help it, he had to puke. He leaned over his seat and let everything bundled up in his mouth fall overboard in the ocean. Everyone sitting next to him began to glare at him and get up in disgust so Matt took up there seats by laying down.

The ferry was out on the sea for about a good hour now and all you could see was water and a little teeny palm tree in the faint distance. Matt looked up at the sky and noticed the clouds getting dark and getting closer together.

Matt thought it was nothing so he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

Matt awoke an hour later to his cell phone ringing.
Matt picked up the phone and said, “Hello!”

“Where are you young man and why weren’t you t school do you realize that you are expelled!” Matt’s mom screamed in the phone with a lot of anger in her voice.

“I know, I know I over slept and was late so I decided that me and my pokemon would head off on becoming Pokemon Masters.

“And you didn’t plan on calling or anything!” Matt’s mom screamed again in the phone.

Right after she said that a wave came washing aboard crashing into the back of Matt and Matt’s cellphone got knocked out of his hand and went into the deep ocean.

“Oh man now my mom’s really going to kill me.” Matt said in a fearful voice.

Matt then realizes that a storm was a brewing and everyone on board was panicking. “Everybody calm down!” the sailors onboard were screaming trying to keep everyone patient.

“We’re going to be fine if we don’t get hit by a giant wave.

Right on that note another wave came crashing into the ferry’s.

“Wailord Go!” a sailor screamed as he threw a pokeball against the water.

With a gleaming red light a gigantic Blue and white pokemon popped out of the ball and came up right next to the ferry.

“Everybody get on Wailord” The Wailords owner screamed as everyone started to climb on the gigantic pokemon.

Matt began to waddle over near the pokemon when Matt looked behind myself and a giant wave struck the boat. Water rushed all through the tiny boat and then Matt realized that the boat was sinking.

Matt got washed out of the boat by the force of the water and became stranded in the middle of the sea. Matt began to sink when he noticed the Wailord and passengers riding off towards Lillycove.

“Wait, Help me!” Matt screamed trying to tread water and echo his voice at the same time.

Matt the began to sink as he notice his backpack was filling up with water fast. He couldn’t find the strength to reach behind himself and pull the backpack off. His head then began to go under and Matt tried holding his breath.

Matt was underwater for about thirty seconds before his mind began to go black. Matt tried to hold his breath longer when he felt something out from under him start picking him up. Matt looked down and saw a faint blue blurry object and then everything went black.

2 be continued

05-04-2005, 07:21 AM
Matt awoke shortly after on the sandy island that he saw earlier on the ferry. He looked around to see how he wound up here but no one but him was on the island. Lying next to him in the sand was his backpack. Matt puts his arms under himself and pushes himself up with barely any force. He comes up to his feet and looks around into the deep blue sea and started screaming for help.

“Help!” Matt screamed.

“Can someone helpme!” Matt screamed again.

Matt bends down to pick up his backpack when he notices something out in the blue see. It looked like a another wave coming but then Matt had a flashback and remembered that big blue thing saving him.

Matt unzipped his backpack and reached in and grabbed his pokedex. Matt then pointed the pokedex at the big blue thing headed towards him.

The pokedex said, “Wailmer the ball whale pokemon, WAILMER can store water inside its body to transform itself into a ball for bouncing around on the ground. By filling itself up with more water, this POKéMON can elevate the height of its bounces,”

“Hmm….” Matt said “I could use a water pokemon on my team.”

The Wailmer finally came apon shore and gave a big grunting noise.

Matt said, “Thanks for saving me” as he walked up to it and petted it.

“But, I’ll have to catch you.” Matt said.

The Wailmer gave a nother big grunting noise probably meaning he’s ready for battle and then Matt reached into his pocket and grabbed a pokeball.

Matt held the red and white ball in his hand and threw it on the ground.

“Treecko go!” Matt screamed as a tiny green gecko type pokemon came out of the pokeball in a red glowing light.

“Treecko!” Matt said, “Use a Slam attack!”

The tiny gecko like pokemon jumped high up in the air and slammed his tail down on the whale like pokemon.
2 be continued

05-04-2005, 07:24 AM
Wailmer shook his head a little bit and then he noticed that Treecko was still on his head. Wailmer then took Treecko out in the middle of the sea where Treecko would have the disadvantage.

Then the Wailmer went under water and Treecko was stranded trying to swim.

Matt got out Treecko’s pokeball ready to call him back in when all of the sudden a whirlpool started.

Matt tried returning the Treecko to it’s ball but the whirlpool was going to fast to catch him.

Then out of the whirlpool the Wailmer popped out and shot out a huge amount of water right at the little gecko Treecko.

Treecko then sank underwater and Matt waited patiently hoping Treecko will appear.
Then bubbles started to come to the waters surface and then Treecko popped out of the water floating on his back with dizzy signs in his eyes.

Matt held out Treecko’s pokeball and said, “Treecko return,”

Treecko then disappeared in the same red glowing light it arrived in and then Matt said to Treecko’s pokeball, “It’s ok, you tried your best.

The Wailmer was swimming around in delight because he knows he has won this battle but what the Wailmer doesn’t know is that Matt has two other pokemon.

The Wailmer kept swimming around when he heard Matt say, “Camerupt go!”

Matt threw the red and white ball on the ground and with a red glowing light out came a big red and brown pokemon.

The Wailmer had the face like, “I thought I won, oh well I’ll win this one to I guess”

The wailmer came swimming back over near where Camerupt is and started to shoot another powerful blast of water.

“Camerupt dodge it and use an Earthquake!” Matt screamed.

Camerupt moved out of the way and then with one mighty pound of his foot, caused the little island to rumble. The Wailmer was still on shore and then got hit with the furosious earthquake.

The Wailmer was weezing a bit and then it started to shoot another blast of water.

“Camerupt, dodge it and use a rock slide!” Matt screamed again.
Camerupt was attempting to get out of the way of the powerful blast of water when it slipped in the sand and fell to the ground. Camerupt looked scared as the Wailmer’s Hydro pump attack shot straight for him. It was a direct hit and hit Camerupt square in the chest. Camerupt gave out a faint cry and then had dizzy eyes.

“Oh no, Camerupt.” Matt said, “Camerupt return.” As Matt pointed the ball at Camerupt.

The Wailmer was pretty much mocking Matt by waving and shaking because he knew that he beat two of Matt’s prized pokemon.

“I saved the best for last!” Matt said as he reched in his pocket for his last pokemon, “Go Manectric”

Matt threw the red and white ball against the ground again and in the red light again out came a blue and yellow dog like pokemon.

05-04-2005, 07:25 AM
“Manectric, use a bite!” Matt commanded out.

The blue and yellow dog dove up in the air and came down straight for the Wailmer. Manectric’s jaw was opened wide and then the Manectric chomped down right on top of the Wailmer.

The Wailmer was swimming around trying to get Manectric off of him when the Wailmer had the idea to go underwater again.

Matt noticed that the Wailmer was going to do that so Matt yelled to Manectric, “Manectric, come on buddy hold on with that bite!”

Manectric decided to clamp down harder on the Wailmer making it in pain even more. The Wailmer started to go underwater and Matt then had the perfect plan.

Right before Manectric started to go underwater too, Matt screamed to it, “Manectric, use the most powerful thunder you got!”

Manectric heard Matt and right as soon as Manectric was fully underwater you saw a bright yellow light go blasting up through the water’s surface. The powerful thunder attack made gigantic waves roaming.

After everything calmed down, Matt waited to see who would rise to the top. Then Matt sees Manectric swimming for shore.

Matt grabbed Manectric’s pokeball and said, “Manectric return!”

Manectric disappeared into a red light and Matt put Manectrics ball in his pocket.

Matt then began to see something rise from the surface so Matt hurried up and grabbed a pokeball from his backpack. Matt had the empty pokeball in his hand ready to throw it when he saw the Wailmer flopped over in the sea with dizzy eyes on his face.

“Pokeball go!” Matt said as he released the ball from his hand.

The pokeball captured the pokemon inside it with a glowing red light and washed up on shore.

It shook once, then twice, then...........
ready to be graded
God I bet you i didn't get this one passed :sad:

Daniella Defines Divinity
05-04-2005, 04:18 PM
God I bet you i didn't get this one passed :sad:

If you think that, then you know it's not going to get caught. If it's not good enough by your own standards, then it's unlikely it'll be good enough for grader's standards

Story- It wasn't very original, the whole wake up late thing has been done so many times. Also the story before the battle was really short considering it's a Wailmer you're trying to catch. Walimer's are quite rare, you need to do quite a bit to catch one

Spelling/Grammar- You changed tenses quite a bit

“Matt, Matt, get up Matt!” Matt’s annoying Little Sister Veronica screamed while dancing around the bed.

“Come on Matt!” she screamed again.

Matt then sits up in his bed and rubs his eyes to open them and see his sister with a big grin on her face. Matt is a young thirteen year old boy who has brown hair, brown eyes and braces.

You sister is doing things in the past "she screamed" while you're doing things in the present "rubs his eyes". You should only stick to one tense throughout. Also you listed things alot, which gets quite dull, try mixing it up a bit, most of your sentences begin with "Matt...."

Realism- it's ok, although like I said unlikely to happen with a wailmer

Battle- it sounded about right that your other pokemon got beaten, but each battle doesn't last very long, put some more effort into describing the attacks perhaps

Outcome- Sorry but your prediction came true, not captured >.<