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Dark Salamence
04-07-2008, 07:31 AM
Note: I'm only writing this easiest category story because I'm bored and I like Gyarados. If this story gets long I may change it to a Simple category pokemon.

Elana trudged along the raggedy pathway up ahead. She had been walking for hours through the intense heat. Elana usually rushes, which explains why she dressed according to last week’s weather.

Elana’s dark, brown ponytail dropped, her sapphire blue eyes were now a shade of grey, her long sleeved white shirt looked orange from the reflection of the dirt and her long, stiff jeans made it harder for her to move. When she saw the town up ahead, Elana started to rub her eyes in case she was seeing things.

When she did realise that it was a town, she got so excited that she forgot she was tired and started racing towards it. Elana became even more excited when she realised that there was a beach here. She had actually been walking along the coast without realising it!

They beach looked fantastic. The water sparkled in the sun and it was a lovely shade of bright blue. The sand was a nice sandy colour, and it was already packed with other people.

When she arrived at the beach, she threw off her clothes, quickly changed into the bathers and made a running jump into the water. She poked her head out. It felt so good to be in the cool water.

Suddenly, something caught her eye. An old ship docked at the pier nearby seemed to sink a few millimetres down. Elana rubbed her eyes. Was she seeing things? Elana turned back towards the sand, but she felt as if something moved behind her. So she turned back around and kept her gaze on the boat. Watching it very carefully, Elana gasped as she saw it sink about five centimetres deep. Before she had a chance to wonder what was happening, the old boat sunk right in!

Elana was still gaping in surprise when she felt something grab her ankle. After seeing a strange orange object move past her quickly, she realised that she was being pulled under. Desperately screaming and struggling, Elana was pulled down to the murky depths of the ocean. Water filled her lungs. Gasping for breath, she furiously tossed and kicked, but it was no use. As water entered her body, her eyes slowly closed as she drifted down.

When Elana awoke, she was in a large cave. She sat up and spluttered and coughed out all the water she had swallowed. As she brought herself to her feet, she couldn’t stop gazing at the cave, which now seemed much bigger. Dark green seaweed draped over her head. The cave was quite moist, with small waves coming in every few minutes.

Although the cave was amazing, Elana knew that she had to leave before anything else happened. She wasn’t very far in the cave. It looked like there was a lot more cave behind her. But now was not the time for exploring. She then realised that she had no idea how far down she was, or how she got down. In fact, all she could remember was being pulled down here by something.

As she started towards the cave entrance, a usually uncommon big wave washed through and started to carry her through the cave. As she was brought further down, it became darker, and Elana closed her eyes for the rest of the trip. When the strong wave finally did let go of her, Elana found herself being thrown into a shallow pool which was a bright shade of blue. Elana brought herself to her feet. She was still not exactly at the end of the cave, so she decided to have a look.

There were a lot of puddles on the ground. As she approached the end of the cave, she gasped in amazement. There was a pool of deep water about the size of two swimming pools. Elana couldn’t very clearly though, so she squinted into the darkness in case there were more interesting things.

Suddenly, there was a flash of light, as a Chinchou swam past. Elana thought for a minute. She bent down to the water type pokemon. “Could I use you as a lamp?” she asked kindly while giving the pokemon a sweet berry. The pokemon thought for a minute before nodding happily. Elana smiled before gently picking the pokemon up. Light suddenly burst through the cave, and Elana could clearly see a group of Magikarp and some glowing eyes in the water.

Elana gasped at the sight of the old boat, along with many other items sitting in the sand. She turned to the Magikarp.

“Did you pull these down?” she asked in wonder. The water types nodded. “Did you pull me down?” they nodded again. Elana was surprised. She had never knew of Magikarp this strong.

Before she had time to ask more questions, the Magikarp moved to the side of the pool as if to make way for something. The pair of glowing eyes slowly emerged from the water, and Elana gasped at the sight of a big water type pokemon that looked like a sea serpent. Scales covered its body. It had pretty fins located on its body. The pokemon looked aggressive, but amazing.

“Gyarardos…” she said to herself, amazed at the creature. The blue pokemon smiled at the sight of the boat. The Magikarp bowed. Elana seemed to get it now. “Do you collect old items for Gyarados?” she asked. The pokemon nodded. The Gyarados seemed to be their king. Elana decided that the Magikarp must have thought she was something interesting. She was too busy admiring Gyarados to care much though.

“Gyarados is so amazing,” she said to herself, “I just have to get one.” She turned to the Magikarp. “Is anyone up for a battle?” One Magikarp looked quite eager to fight.

Elana smiled. She sent a red and white Pokeball flying from her belt. “Go Kricketot!” she cried as the Pokeball hurled through the air. The pokemon that appeared was not Kricketot. Elana gaped in surprise. Her newly caught pokemon, Mareep was standing in front of her. Mareep was rather cute; it looked like a small blue sheep with woolly yellow fleece. Sparks flew around the electric pokemon. It was ready for a Thunder. Elana immediately thought of the danger if Mareep’s attack continued successfully. Everyone in the water would be shocked, even Gyarados and Chinchou! Quickly, Elana recalled her pokemon before it let loose it’s powerful attack.

Taking a breath or relief, she threw another Pokeball from her belt. “Kricketot, go!” she called. This time, a cricket like bug type pokemon with long black antennae emerged from the Pokeball. It was coloured red and yellow, and stood to two legs in a battle stance.

Kricketot used Growl. The air was filled with an annoying and ear piercing sound that sounded like a stick scraping a blackboard. Even Elana had to hold her ears. The sound sent Magikarp swimming backwards.

When the sound cleared, Kricketot glowed red for a second, storing energy. Magikarp backed away before flying towards Kricketot and tackling it with tremendous force. Kricketot glowed red again before flying backards. Magikarp repeated its successful move, which sent Kricketot flying backwards once more.

In response to the attack, the bug type pokemon released a blast of stored energy, which equalled the power of both Magikarp’s Tackles. Magikarp flew into a pile of seaweed.

Angrily, Magikarp flew at Kricketot. It was about to use Flail. This deadly attack inflicted more damage when the user’s HP was low. Elana cringed as Kricketot was sent flying towards a rock. The bug type pokemon had barely recovered from the attack when Magikarp moved in for a Tackle.

Elana had to think of something fast. If the attack hit, Kricketot would faint for sure! Suddenly a light bulb shone in her head.

“Use Growl!” she called. Kricketot moved close to two rocks with a small gap in between, and once again the horrible sound filled the air.

Magikarp stopped in its tracks and the soundwaves pushed Magikarp in between the two rocks. It was stuck! Quickly, Elana took a spare Pokeball from her pocket and threw it at the stuck pokemon. Magikarp was sucked inside, and Elana waited hopefully to see if the pokemon was caught.

Pokemon: Magikarp
Category: Easiest
Characters W/O Spaces: 6,316
Characters W Spaces: 7,673

~DS

Dark Salamence
04-07-2008, 09:59 PM
Now ready for grading! ^^

~DS

Finglonger
05-04-2008, 08:48 PM
well this ones been sitting around for a while

Story Pretty straightforward. Better than most magikarp stories I've read so points for that haha. Honestly I dont have much criticism, this is the easiest category isnt it?

Writing Style It seemed to flow pretty well. this was more neutral to me, nothing great nothing glaringly bad.

Description/Detail: this is a good example of still working on a story even though its an easy catch. i felt for the level there was a good amount of description and enough details to keep me interested.

Grammar/spelling: fine

Length: fine for a magikarp.

Battle: well it seemed to go alright, you made it lengthly despite magikarps rather shallow moveset. one thing is that I usually do not like the use of ingame acronyms like "HP" That always bugs me a bit heh. But fine besides

Outcome: Magikarp captured yeah enjoy the phish

Dark Salamence
05-04-2008, 09:40 PM
well this ones been sitting around for a while

Story Pretty straightforward. Better than most magikarp stories I've read so points for that haha. Honestly I dont have much criticism, this is the easiest category isnt it?

Writing Style It seemed to flow pretty well. this was more neutral to me, nothing great nothing glaringly bad.

Description/Detail: this is a good example of still working on a story even though its an easy catch. i felt for the level there was a good amount of description and enough details to keep me interested.

Grammar/spelling: fine

Length: fine for a magikarp.

Battle: well it seemed to go alright, you made it lengthly despite magikarps rather shallow moveset. one thing is that I usually do not like the use of ingame acronyms like "HP" That always bugs me a bit heh. But fine besides

Outcome: Magikarp captured yeah enjoy the phish

Lol, thanks Finglonger. I knew it would be a quick grade. XD

~DS