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View Full Version : Serenity (WWC entry is post #62-75)


poke123
04-19-2008, 05:17 AM
This is my first story
so, i hope you guys like it

Pokemon: Charmander and Starly
Category:Hard(Charmander 20K-30K) Easy(Starly)
# Words: 4,441
# of Characters with spaces: 25,883
# of Characters with no spaces: 21,061
Status: Ready to grade!

After EDITING
# of Characters with spaces: 30,826
# of Characters with no spaces: 25,079


Summary: John has gotten to Sinnoh only two weeks ago. He has not caught any pokemon yet and wants to catch a fire type pokemon. After ovehearing a conversation at the Pokemon Center he goes on a wild chase after a Charmander. Will he catch it?

Wild Charmander Chase

Chapter 1: Dreaming Big
“Mudkip, use Hydro Pump!” yelled John.
The little mudfish Pokemon took a deep breath and released a strong, steady stream of water, which proceeded to hit a small orange lizard Pokemon. Charmander, hit by the enormous power of the Hydro Pump, was slammed against a nearby tree and immediately fainted. John reached into his pocket and rummaged around until he found an empty Pokeball. He took it out of his pocket and tossed it into the air, towards Charmander. It landed square on the little lizard’s forehead; he was enveloped by a red light and was sucked into the small capsule. The Pokeball shook once, twice, three times, and then it stopped. He had caught Charmander! As he approached the Pokeball, it began to ring. He couldn’t understand why it would ring. The sound was very familiar, almost like his alarm clock. Then, with a jolt, John woke up in his sleeping bag.

“It was all just a dream”, he said to himself with great disappointment.

He looked to his left and saw that his little mudfish Pokemon was still fast asleep. He thought he would let Mudkip get some more rest since it was still an hour until sunrise.
John was a trainer from Petalburg City. He was about 5’10”, thin, and athletic. He had black hair, which was kind of long and messy. He had brown eyes that were almost mesmerizing. At the age of fourteen, he had received his first Pokemon from Professor Birch in Littleroot Town, which was not too far from Petalburg City. His parents had made him wait because they wanted him to be at a responsible age before he got his own Pokemon. His parents made him go to Petalburg High School instead of allowing him to go on a Pokemon journey. This really annoyed him, but his parents didn’t want him to go because he didn’t really want to go, it was just something he said spur of the moment. He stayed in Petalburg for two more years, until he decided that he really wanted to go on a Pokemon journey and explore the world like his father. After days of pleading his parents, they finally caved and decided to let him go off on a journey. He decided to go to Sinnoh because it seemed like the most interesting place to go to. He had arrived there only two weeks ago. He arrived in Twinleaf Town and spoke with the professor there. His name was Professor Rowan. Professor Rowan talked to him about the Sinnoh region and told him where all the gyms were. He then proceeded to tell him where the Pokemon League was. So after that long explanation, he set off in search of adventure and Pokemon to catch and raise. So far, he hadn’t caught a single Pokemon. This made him long for another Pokemon. He had his mind set on capturing a fire type, but there were none in the area. Luckily for him, he had gone into a Pokemon Center and had overheard the conversation of some trainers about a rare fire-type Pokemon in the area.

poke123
04-19-2008, 05:19 AM
Chapter 2:A Challenge is Issued
Just a day earlier, John and Mudkip had been walking through a small forest in Route 202, when he came across a Pokemon Center and decided that Mudkip needed a rest. So, he entered the Center and returned Mudkip to his Pokeball. This Pokemon Center was huge. It had some chairs and tables all around the edge of the room and in the middle was a group of sofas, which were occupied by some teenagers. On opposite sides of the Pokemon Center were signs that said “Rooms for Boys” and “Rooms for Girls”. It looked like you could sleep here if you needed a place to sleep. He then gave the Pokeball to a pink haired young lady in a dress, whose name was Nurse Joy and sat down on a sofa, near the other teenagers to wait for Mudkip to rest. The group of teenagers around his age was apparently in the middle of a heated discussion. John casually leaned closer to try and hear what they were saying.

“I’m telling you I definitely saw a Charmander about a mile north of here,” said one of the members of the group in an annoyed voice.

This got John’s attention. Charmander was one of his favorite Pokemon, next to Mudkip of course, and it was also a fire-type. The weird thing was that Charmanders don’t live in the Sinnoh region. So, he leaned in closer to hear what they were saying about the little fire lizard. Apparently the person that John had overheard was called Max. He was a little taller than John. He had brown hair and wore shorts and a t-shirt.

“Charmanders don’t live in Sinnoh,” said the leader of the group in a commanding voice. His name was James. He had short blond hair and looked like he was about John’s height.

“I did see a trainer with a Charmander around here not too long ago, maybe he released it into the wild,” said another person, who was called Ryan. He was considerably short, but looked like the kind of person you wouldn’t want to mess with. He had short, brown hair that was very messy.

“Well then,” said James, “I guess that Charmander is a wild Pokemon now, and I intend to get it for my team.”

All of a sudden, John lost his balance and fell of the sofa and into the group of people.

“What are you looking at?” said James.

He pulled out a Pokeball and held it as if challenging John to a battle. John scrambled to his feet and reached for Mudkip’s Pokeball, only to realize that Nurse Joy had it, so he put up his fists instead. James put away his Pokeball, began to scowl, and got ready to fight.

“You think you’re tough?” he said angrily as his eyes narrowed in anger.

“I know I am,” John replied with the utmost confidence.

Just then, Nurse Joy came into the room and saw what was happening.

She began to scold them placing her hands on her hips and saying, “This is a Pokemon Center, and Pokemon are trying to rest and recover here. So, either you two settle this peacefully or both of you leave, because there will be no fighting in this Pokemon Center. Now shake each other’s hand.”

Both John and James put their fists down and reluctantly shook hands. James quickly let go and gave John a scowl.

James then turned around and said to his group, “We’ll make the catching of Charmander into a competition; whoever catches the Charmander first gets a free meal paid by the rest of the losers.”

“I’m joining this competition too,” said John.

“What makes you think that you can participate?” said James with a powerful voice.

“Are you afraid of a little competition?” said John mockingly.

“Be a part of it, I don’t care, just don’t expect to win,” replied James.

James turned around and began to speak with his “posse”. They all decided go to sleep in the rooms at the Center because it was getting too dark to look for Pokemon. Before John headed to his room, Nurse Joy came up to him and gave him his Mudkip back.

Then, John asked, “Do you mind if I sleep outside? I’d like to get an early start tomorrow.”

Nurse Joy smiled and replied, “I see you really want to catch that Charmander, well I won’t stop you from sleeping outside, but don’t get too obsessed with catching this Charmander.”

“I won’t. Thanks for healing Mudkip,” whispered John as he left, so he wouldn’t wake up any of the other trainers.

He began to walk away from the Pokemon Center in the direction that Max had said he had last seen the Charmander. As he walked he could see some Pokemon quietly resting with their family. He was walking through a wide-open field. The grass barely reached his knees. To his right was a lush forest of Pine Trees filled with sleeping Pokemon. As he was walking he passed a small pond, whose surface was like a mirror and reflected the moon’s image on its glassy, transparent surface. The calming environment relaxed him. The night had a soothing effect on John for some reason. For a moment he had forgotten where he was going, as if he was in a trance, but he soon got back on track. After walking a little more than half a mile, John decided to set up a small tent, and made a fire. Unfortunately, he didn’t know how to start a fire and he didn’t have a fire-type Pokemon to start a fire for him. He wondered if he had packed some matches. As he reached into his backpack, he found a lighter, gathered some brush and dead tree branches from around him and used them to start a fire. He surrounded his fire by stones, so it wouldn’t get out of control. Then, he went into his tent, crawled into his sleeping bag and let Mudkip out of his ball so he could rest in a sleeping bag made especially for Mudkip. The little mudfish Pokemon had a sleepy face. He got into his sleeping bag and closed his eyes. Then, they both drifted off to sleep.

poke123
04-19-2008, 05:22 AM
Chapter 3:The Chase Begins
When John woke up from his dream about catching Charmander, he yawned at got out of the tent. The sun had not risen yet and it was dark out. John began to make some breakfast for Mudkip and himself. John took his time making breakfast because he wanted sunlight so he could look for the Charmander. The sun began to rise and the whole field was engulfed in a bright light. All the blades of grass were covered in little drops of dew. As he finished making the breakfast, Mudkip came out of the tent wide awake. John had made a large breakfast because they had a long day ahead of them. They finished up their food and packed all the stuff away. They soon were off again towards the place where Charmander was last sighted. They both walked for an hour and came across a rustling bush. John hoped that it was Charmander, but instead a small bird popped out. It was a Starly. John was very disappointed. The Starly looked at him with a curious look on its face and flew away. While he kept on walking, he could have sworn that he kept seeing something just flying in between the bushes to the right of him and keeping up with him. He dismissed it as a figment of his imagination. With a discouraged look on his face, he was about to give up until, a small orange lizard with a long tail that had a small fire burning brightly at the tip of it wandered into the field of grass. It looked around with a confused face, saw John and stared at him, while tilting his head to one side with a questioning look on his face. He was about to tell Mudkip to attack, when out of nowhere, a black dog with white stripes across its back and a white skull shape on its head leaped into the grass right next to Charmander and gave a ferocious growl. It startled Charmander and it scurried away.

“Go after it Houndour! Don’t let it get away!” said an all too familiar voice.

It was James. Houndour began to chase the Charmander, as soon as his trainer told him too.

“Thought you could get Charmander first by sneaking out huh?” he sneered, “Well guess again.”

Then, James took off after his Houndour.

“I can’t believe he’s already here,” said John to himself.

He and Mudkip began to run after Charmander as well, until Max jumped out of nowhere and challenged him to a battle.

“I’m going to be the one to catch that Charmander and you can’t catch a Charmander if your only Pokemon is fainted,” he said as he released a badger-like Pokemon that had brown stripes down its back and sharp claws.

John did not even have time to react.

“Linoone, use Shadow Ball!” ordered Max.

Linoone charged up a dark ball of energy in his mouth and launched it in the direction of Mudkip.

“Mudkip, dodge and use Water Gun!” exclaimed John.

Mudkip leaped into the air, just as the dark ball of energy barely grazed his hind legs, took a deep breath and shot Linoone square in between the eyes with a steady stream of water that erupted from his mouth. It pushed Linoone back almost making it hit the tree behind it. This surprise attack caught both Linoone and Max off-guard.

“Linoone, use Quick Attack!”

Linoone began to speed up, dashing and showing off its speed. It then ran into Mudkip’s side with great force. Mudkip was pushed back by the strength of the attack.

“Mudkip, go for a Tackle!”

Mudkip ran up to Linoone and hit Linoone’s side with its head and caused it to roll over. Linoone looked like it was unable to battle. All of sudden it jumped up and its claws began to glow and used Slash on Mudkip. Linoone was furiously swinging its claws at Mudkip, trying to get a hit in. This caused Mudkip to desperately dodge anyway he could, so he wouldn’t get hit by the attack. Mudkip then used Water Gun as it stepped back to avoid Linoone’s frenzy of Slash attacks. The water pushed Linoone into a tree exposing Linoone’s stomach and before Linoone could react, Mudkip was already coming in with the finishing Tackle. He slammed into Linoone’s stomach with a lot of momentum. The sheer force of the attack caused the tree to shake. Linoone was really worn out by this battle and fainted as a result of the last Tackle.

“Way to go Mudkip!” exclaimed John as he rushed to pick up his Mudkip. “Is your Linoone ok?” he asked.

“He’s fine, sorry for giving you a hard time. James kind of put me up to ambushing you. I’m not usually like this. No hard feelings?” he responded.

“No hard feelings. Now let’s go get that Charmander!” said John with a grin.

Mudkip smiled, but then his two back legs buckled and he fell to the floor with a thud. The Shadow Ball had done more damage than John had thought. He scooped Mudkip up and began to walk towards the Pokemon Center.

“Where are you going?” inquired Max.

“I need to heal Mudkip,” responded John.

“But what about Charmander?” asked Max.

“Charmander can wait,” replied John.

He really wanted to catch a Charmander, but Mudkip’s health came first. So after an hour or two, John finally arrived at the Pokemon Center and asked Nurse Joy to heal his Pokemon. She took Mudkip from him and told him to wait on the sofas. After an hour, Mudkip was fully healed and ready to go.

“I’m really proud of you for bringing you Pokemon here instead of trying to catch that Charmander. Not many trainers these days would do that,” Nurse Joy said in a sweet voice.

poke123
04-19-2008, 05:24 AM
Chapter 4: An Unlikely Friendship is Formed
Just then, a loud explosion was heard outside. John and Mudkip ran outside and found Houndour huge balls of dark energy at Charmander, the small orange lizard, who kept avoiding them.

“What are you doing here?” asked James.

James turned around to see who was talking to him. While he was distracted, the Charmander saw its chance and ran off into the woods.

“See what you made me do?” asked the blond-haired boy angrily, “I almost had that Pokemon.”

“Yea, but look at your Houndour, he’s exhausted,” replied John.

Houndour was gasping for breath. His legs were trembling with tiredness.

“I’ll give him a rest when I catch that Charmander, now let’s go Houndour,” said James with his teeth clenched.

“You should be ashamed of yourself. A good trainer always puts the health of his Pokemon before everything else. You’re getting so caught up in catching that Charmander, that you don’t want to stop and heal you Houndour,” said Nurse Joy.

“Ok, Ok, you can heal my Houndour,” said James with a big scowl on his face.

He reluctantly gave Nurse Joy his Houndour and then he stormed off pushing anything and anyone out of his way.

Max approached John and asked him, “How is your Mudkip?”

“He’s fine,” responded John.

“Listen, don’t mind James, he is always like this. I don’t know why I travel with him in the first place,” Max replied.

They both walked into the Pokemon Center and began to talk and found out that they had a lot in common. By the end of the hour, the two had become good friends.

“So where are you from?” John asked.

“I’m from Little Root Town in Hoenn. Where are you from?” Max replied.

“I’m from Hoenn too!” said John eagerly, “I’m from Petalburg City.”

They kept on talking for a long time. Max’s first Pokemon was Zigzagoon that he got at age 13 and it had evolved into Linoone last week. Max was great friends with Professor Birch. He was offered one of the starter Pokemon that Professor Birch gives out, which were Torchic, Mudkip and Treecko, but declined because he had become great friends with a Zigzagoon that he met in the forest. Linoone had evolved in the middle of a battle against a trainer with a Bidoof. Zigzagoon had just won the battle and it began to glow and evolved into Linoone. Max was 16.

“Again, sorry for ambushing you back there. You see I’m not like that, but James told me to do it and I just did what he told me to do,” said Max rather embarrassed.

“But why do you listen to him?” asked John.

“Well, I guess because he seemed like a strong trainer and I was kind of hoping to travel with someone strong and that I could learn from. So, when I met him I joined his ‘posse’. I’m glad I met you though. Ambushing you made me realize that doing what someone else tells you to do is stupid. I should think for my self,” said Max bashfully.

“Good for you, Max” said John with a smile as he gave Max a pat on the back.
Max told John that he wasn’t really interested in the Charmander and that he was going to stop trying to catch it. Then, the doors of the Pokemon Center slid open and in walked James. Bits and pieces of his clothes were burnt off. It looked like he had tried to catch Charmander without any Pokemon. It didn’t look like he was successful. He picked up his Houndour’s Pokeball and quietly walked outside, trying not to get Nurse Joy angry. It was getting dark and John decided to sleep in the Pokemon Center that night. He wanted the Charmander, but he wouldn’t mind waiting until morning to go out and find it.

poke123
04-19-2008, 05:24 AM
Chapter 5: The Faceoff
The next morning, John and Max set out in search of the Charmander. They looked for hours and hours, but to no avail. During their whole search, John couldn’t shake the feeling that something was watching them from in between the bushes. He asked Max if he saw anything, but he said it was probably his imagination. They gave up the search for Charmander and began walking towards the Pokemon Center, when James and Ryan popped out from behind the bushes and challenged them to a 2 on 2 battle.

“Go Houndour!”

“Go Numel” said Ryan.

“Go Linoone!”

“Go Mudkip!”

Ryan released a camel Pokemon. It looked tired. It yawned when it came out of the Pokeball, but when she saw she had opponents, her face turned into a scowl and was ready for battle.

The battle was Mudkip and Linoone versus Numel and Houndour.

“Mudkip use Water Gun!”

The little, blue Pokemon took a breath and shot out a steady stream of crystal, clear water.

“Linoone, use Shadow Ball!”

The badger Pokemon charged up a ball of dark energy in its mouth and launched it, causing a small shockwave because of the sheer power of it.

The Water Gun hit Houndour in the face and pushed him back five feet. The Shadow Ball hit Numel on the chest and also pushed him back a few feet.

“Houndour, use Flamethrower!” exclaimed James.

“You too, Numel!” said

Then, both Numel and Houndour began to gather up heat in their bodies and when they were ready, yellow-orange tongues of fire erupted from out of their mouths, and headed in the direction of Mudkip and Linoone. They were engulfed in the Flamethrower attacks. Mudkip didn’t take much damage being a water type, but Linoone got really hurt. His body was covered in burns and he could barely move. Suddenly, Mudkip began to shoot small, brown clumps of mud from its mouth at Houndour. Mudkip had learned Mudshot! John used this advantage and got Mudkip to hit Houndour and Numel with Mudshot. He didn’t expect this to beat them; he was just using it as cover fire so Linoone could recover. The two opposing Pokemon did not know what to do when they were being blinded by the barrage of mud. Linoone, mustering up some strength, stood up, built up some dark energy and launched it from behind the Mudshot attacks at caught both opposing trainers off guard. It made a big explosion and it seemed that their Pokemon wouldn’t last much longer. The two fire Pokemon returned fire after the explosion. They began to spit out small balls of fire, this was Ember. Both, Mudkip and Linoone dodged this attack by moving to the side. The Ember attacked ricocheted of the ground like bullets when they missed their target. Then, John and Max called out one last attack.
“Mudkip, finish them off with Water Gun!”

“Linoone, finish them off with Water Pulse!”

Mudkip took one more deep breath and released a stronger stream of water that hit Numel completely soaking it. Linoone began charging the Water Pulse, until it grew big enough and launched the blue sphere. It hit Houndour without fail and made a huge splash of water. When all the water cleared out; Houndour and Numel had fainted. Max and John made James and Ryan go back to the Pokemon Center and heal their Pokemon. Just to make sure they would do it, John and Max went with them to the Pokemon Center. They needed to heal their Pokemon too. While they were at the Pokemon Center, Ryan and James were outside, furious about their loss. James had a tomato-red face and was shouting all sorts of profanity at Ryan, as if he was the only one at fault for their loss.

“I’ve never met someone with such a temper,” remarked Nurse Joy, referring to James.

“He doesn’t usually lose, so it’s kind of new to him. He is also a very proud person,” said Max.

“But that is no reason to treat his Pokemon the way he does,” replied Nurse Joy.

“You are right,” Johnny agreed.

poke123
04-19-2008, 05:26 AM
Chapter 6:Relaxing and Training
Mudkip and Linoone had also been resting because Linoone had sustained quite a few burns from the twin Flamethrower that Numel and Houndour used. John decided to call his parents and tell them what had happened on his journey so far.

After an hour-long talk with his parents, John remarked, “Even when they are a continent away, they still treat my like a little kid.”

His mom had kept asking him whether he wore clean clothes everyday and if he remembered to brush his teeth every night. His father had congratulated him on winning the battle and for putting his Pokemon’s needs before his own selfish wants. His dad had wondered why he hadn’t caught any new Pokemon, but was glad that he was trying to catch one right now.

John asked Max if he and Linoone wanted to train with him and Mudkip. He accepted and they both went outside. As they walked outside, they saw James and Ryan going back out towards where the Charmander had originally been seen. “They never give up,” thought John to himself. They found a large rock and began to practice their moves. Linoone began to use Quick Attack around the rock by running as fast as he could. Then, Mudkip practiced his Tackle, by hitting the rock over and over. They also tried using Mudkip’s water attack and Linoone’s water attack at the same time. Their target was the rock. As they both launched their attack, it looked magnificent. Both Pokemon shot out clear blue streams and spheres of water aiming in hopes that their combined attacks would break the boulder. Upon impact from both water attacks, the rock was reduced to rubble. This was enough training for now. John couldn’t believe how strong his Mudkip was. He and Mudkip were definitely ready to catch that Charmander. John and Max walked into the Pokemon Center and rested on the sofa with their pokemon. Max pulled out a couple of Pokeblocks and offered one to John.

“I have a bunch of different flavors of Pokeblocks; do you want one for your Mudkip?” asked Max.

“Sure! Mudkip, you can pick which one you want,” responded John.

Mudkip looked at the Pokeblocks, sniffed a few and finally picked the red one. He chewed on it for a bit. After he swallowed it, he had a big smile on his face.

“It looks like you Mudkip likes spicy Pokeblocks,” commented Max.

Nurse Joy was rushing in and out of the Pokemon Healing Room very nervously. Parts of her clothes were burnt, as if she had been attacked by a fire-type Pokemon. John looked around and saw no other trainers.

“Are you taking care of a pokemon, Nurse Joy?” asked John.

“Umm… no, I am just checking the room,” replied Nurse Joy.

“Nurse Joy, your clothes are burnt. Are you taking care of a fire type pokemon?” inquired Max.

“No, of course not, this…is just the fashion these days,” said Nurse Joy nervously.

They decided to stop asking her questions and leave it alone. It probably wasn’t important anyway or interesting for that matter. John and Max both went to their rooms and rested. When they woke up, James came into the Pokemon Center with a red face, grabbed his stuff, and marched off. He must not have caught that Charmander. Ryan came in out of breath, got his stuff, thanked Nurse Joy and followed James. He seemed mad, but not as mad as James. James looked furious.

“Don’t mind James. He is a spoiled brat. He is used to getting his way. He is tough though,” said Max calmly.

Then, Nurse Joy came and in and nervously asked, “Is James gone yet?”

“He just left. Why do you ask?” John said.

“Ummm… no reason,” replied Nurse Joy with a nervous tone.

Then, Nurse Joy went back into the room where she had been.

poke123
04-19-2008, 05:27 AM
Chapter 7: Catching Charmander?
After a few minutes, James looked out the window of the Pokemon Center and saw none other than, Charmander. Charmander was just walking around very calmly looking a bit disoriented, without a scratch on him. How had he healed himself? The last time he had seen Charmander, he had been full of scratches seemed very weak. Now it looked full of energy. He told Max about the Charmander and they both rushed outside. Charmander spotted them as soon as the Pokemon Center’s automatic doors slid open.

As they stood in front of Charmander, Nurse Joy came running outside and said, “Don’t touch this Pokemon. He has been through a lot lately, especially getting attacked by James. He deserves to rest and do whatever he wants to do.”

“So you were healing Charmander, weren’t you?” asked Max.

“After Charmander had disappeared, I found it wandering around the Pokemon Center. I offered to help, but he got scared and burnt some of my clothes with its Flamethrower attack. Then, it learned to trust me and I healed it. I didn’t want James to catch Charmander because James is an unfit trainer and Charmander deserves better,” said Nurse Joy in a peaceful tone.

It all made sense. She had been nervous after the Charmander had disappeared. She was also walking in and out of the healing room suspiciously and why her clothes were burnt. It also explained why she asked if James was gone before releasing Charmander back out into the wild. James was not a good trainer and she didn’t want Charmander to be caught by such a bad trainer.

“I’m not a bad trainer and I would treat Charmander very well. Give me a chance,” pleaded John.

Nurse Joy said nothing. Then, the small, orange lizard Pokemon, interested in what John was saying, walked in front of Nurse Joy and got in a battling stance.

“Get ready for a tough battle. Mudkip! Come on out!” said John.

“Muuuudkip!” growled the little mudfish Pokemon.

“Use Mudshot to start!” ordered John.

Mudkip concentrated and then began to spit out small, fist-sized balls of mud. Charmander leaped to the side and dodged some of them, but was eventually on the leg by a few of them. The mud stuck to Charmander’s leg, considerably slowing him down.

Charmander retaliated with Ember. Small bits of fire began to shoot out of Charmander’s mouth. Mudkip received the attack head on. Mudkip, being a water-type, was not hurt that badly by fire type attacks.

“Mudkip, use Tackle!” said John.

Mudkip began running towards Charmander with the intention to slam his head into Charmander’s stomach. Charmander moved to the side at the last second and was about to use Scratch. Charmander’s claws got shiny and he began to chase Mudkip baring his claws planning to use Scratch all over Mudkip. Mudkip’s back legs tripped over a root and Charmander began to fiercely scratch Mudkip. Mudkip got up and was determined to win even though he was covered in scratch marks.

“Try Mudshot again!”

This time most of them hit Charmander. He had tried to dodge them, but the mud stuck to his legs had made him slower. Charmander looked calm. He took a very deep breath and started to build up heat in his body. Then, red tongues of fire erupted from his mouth, which were headed towards Mudkip. Mudkip tried to dodge, but one of his legs was badly burnt. This Charmander was really strong.

“Mudkip, use Water Gun!”

Mudkip concentrated on Charmander and with all his strength; he launched a strong stream of water. The Water Gun attack hit Charmander in the face and fainted him. John scrambled in his pocket for an empty Pokeball. Upon finding one, he took it out and threw it at the Charmander. The Pokeball hit Charmander on the head and he was engulfed by a red light. Then, he was sucked into the Pokeball and the Pokeball clattered to the floor. It began to shake once, twice, three times… but then it popped out! The empty Pokeball returned to John’s hand. He was disappointed. Charmander had seemed very weak, but he still had some fight in him. Charmander tried to get up, but just fell on his bottom and just rested there. Just then he heard something behind him.

“Starly, Starly” chirped the Starly.

“Hey, it’s that Starly that I found a few days ago. Wait a minute, you’re the one who has been following me these last few days, aren’t you?” asked John.

Starly simply nodded.

“Well, then I’m going to catch you along with this Charmander,” said John confidently.

He looked back at Charmander and he didn’t look like he was going anywhere anytime soon. He thought that he would finish this battle after catching Starly.

“Ok then, let’s battle!”

”Mudkip use Water Gun!”

Mudkip shot a stream of water from its mouth, but it missed because Starly began to fly. Then, Starly began to swoop down and hit Mudkip. Starly then used Quick Attack. It sped up and started swooping in and hitting Mudkip several times. Mudkip got tired of this and fired a water gun at the Starly just as it was coming in for another Quick Attack. The stream of crystalline water stopped Starly right in its tracks. Starly shook it off and came in for a Wing Attack. Its wings began to glow as it swooped down towards Mudkip. Mudkip jumped out of the way before he was hit. Starly made a sharp turn and came back to attack Mudkip. This surprised him and caught him off guard. Mudkip was slammed by the Wing Attack and he looked like he couldn’t keep battling for much longer. Starly came in for one more attack.

“Mudkip, jump into the air and attack!”

As Starly was about to hit him, Mudkip jumped into the air and shot a Water Gun at his back. The stream of water hit Starly in between the wings causing it to crash into the ground right next to Charmander who was still exhausted, but managed to get up.

“Water Gun on both of them, Mudkip!” said John.

Mudkip’s stream of water that was erupting from his mouth hit both Charmander and Starly causing them to faint. John had to look through his pocket again to look for another Pokeball because he already had one empty Pokeball out and he needed another one. He found it and tossed both Pokeballs at the Pokemon and they were both sucked in. Both Pokeballs wiggled once, twice, three times and ……….



This is my EDITED VERSION
description and other changes are in bold


thats the end of my story
i am hoping to catch both Charmander and Starly
this is my first story
the chracter count is at the top(chracter count does not include titles or anything else like the summary, it is just the story that i counted in the chracters)

Phantom Kat
05-07-2008, 12:44 AM
Sorry for taking long. Also, I'm sorry if I'm being harsh or anything in my grade, I just want to give as much advice as possible since this is your first story. ^^;

Plot: John is fourteen-years-old and is currently in Twinleaf Town with his partner Mudkip. He soon gets entangled in a competition to catch a released Charmander who, the leader of the posse, James, gets so wrapped up into that he neglects his own Pokemon’s health. After many failed attempts, James is still hell-bent on catching the Fire type, but John soon finds that Nurse Joy was secretly healing the Charmander. Charmander decides to fight, and soon, a Starly that has been trialing the Hoenn all the time comes and duels.

First, I would like to commend you on going for something more original than “kid walks into forest” plot for your first story. The plot was different than first time stories, and it was interesting here and there. In all honesty, though, I felt it wasn’t original enough for both a Charmander and a Starly. Throughout the story, the whole thing just felt sort of dry, and I think it had to do the with the fact that what they were mostly doing was chasing a Pokemon. Something that also made the story bland was that the characters were sort of “vague”. I didn’t really get to know why Max became so guilt ridden after he lost the battle when he wanted to faint John’s Mudkip just to get the Charmander. Every character had to have some kind of motive, and I think the motive of your characters were unclear. We want to see what makes them tick, how they act and why.

Also, for future plots, I suggest you don’t use “new trainer is out to catch a Pokemon” motive unless you have an awesome plot or background story of the trainer to back it up. Thing is, it’s been used SO many times before it lost all originality it had. Trying some more interesting characters like a fisherman, a miner, a fortune teller, or maybe even the Champion of Sinnoh herself. Spice up your stories, be a more out of the box.

For the plot itself (rather than the characters), it’s better to have something better than “trainers go out in a mad goose chase for Pokemon”, some more exciting (especially if you’re going for Pokemon like Charmander and you just mention the chasing and don‘t actually describe it). Maybe as John chased Charmander, some kind of mudslide occurred and prevented them from going back to the Pokemon Center. Or maybe James was kidnapped by Team Galactic as he was about to catch Charmander. Remember, as you go harder Pokemon and for more than one in one shot, you really have to put an effort to think of something original and fun to read.

Introduction: The intro for me was iffy. You started it out well with a battle, better than starting it out with “My name is John and I’m a Pokemon trainer from Hoenn”. However, after that, it just became a block of text with description and nothing more. It’s good that you are providing background information for your character along with what he looks like, but just stating it all in one paragraph doesn’t make for a good introduction. As the story goes on, slip in those details bit by bit without ruining the flow of the story. As he is talking to Max, he could mention he also knew a famous professor but only shortly because he barely arrived at Twinleaf Town from his home region of Hoenn.

Another thing is that a new trainer waking up with an alarm clock has been used many times before, and plus, it isn’t really exciting. You want to open up your story with a bang, hook the reader and make them read more. Opening it up with a battle is good, follow it up with some more interesting writing. Maybe John was riding his bike on a trail, and he fell asleep and dreamt he was battling Charmander. When he woke up, he might have fallen off and gotten seriously bruised and confused. To make a long story short, there are so many ways you can open up with your story, pick one that is fun, original, and interesting to read.

Grammar/Spelling: This was really good, I could hardly pick out any mistakes, and the ones I did see were simply just missing commas or the likes. Just make sure you proofread well when you read over your story, okay? ;)

His parents had made him wait because they wanted him to be at a responsible age before he got his own pokemon.

“Pokemon” should be capitalized. It also make sense since you’re capitalizing words like “Poke Ball” and “Pokemon Center”; if you don’t capitalize “Pokemon”, it would look weird.

At the age of 14, he had received his first pokemon from Professor Birch in Littleroot Town, which was not too far from Petalburg City.

All numbers below “100” should be written. So “14” should be “fourteen”.

Length: This is good, but if you’re going for more than one Pokemon and one of them is in a tough category like Charmander, you should always aim for about the middle so you have some length to fall back on in case some sections aren’t up to par. It would give the grader one less thing to worry about.

Description/Detail: Ehh, there was some description in some places, but for the most part, there wasn’t really any. The Pokemon weren’t described at all, and even though this is a Pokemon forum, you still need to describe them just like any other character. John and Max were described (Max a bit too late, though) but what about James, Ryan, and Nurse Joy? Even though they are not as important as John, we still need to seem them. Lastly, we need to see the actual surroundings around the characters. What did the forest look like and the Pokemon Center? There are many forests, some differ greatly from another, and the anime shows Pokemon Centers a bit different each time. John isn’t the only important thing in the story, everything else also helps the story along, and we can’t see what you see in your mind.

One other thing I would like to add. Describe expressions a bit more, to add some realistic feel to the story. James got really mad multiple times in your story, how did he look? Were his eyes narrowed and unmoving, was his mouth clamped shut with a small scowl on his lips? It can really emphasize a character’ s words or actions.

Battle: Or battles, really. Your battles, in my opinion, were the highlight of your story. Like the rest of the story, though, they felt bland because of the lack of description. Just take a bit more time to describe the attacks but not just how the look but how they are produced and how they effect the Pokemon (did it collide with the, sending them reeling to the ground in a crumpled heap?) Some color can’t help, either, it would be very nice if you add it with the adjectives you such as “shining”.

This weakened Mudkip more.

It would be nice if you tell and describe how Mudkip was weakened. Was one of his paws burned so it hurt to step on it? Was his face and back covered in scratches from hitting the ground so much? Describing how a Pokemon looks after the attack hit them can make a battle more realistic and exiting, keep that in mind.

Outcome: This was hard to decide. This was written well with a sort of original plot, but I feel it wasn’t original enough for both of these Pokemon. The fact that you had poor description, but it’s also your first story tore me. At the end, I have to say: Only Charmander captured! Since this is your first story, and the story overall wasn’t bad, if you add some description to the surroundings and characters, I’ll give you the bird. I know you can do it, PM when you want a re-grade (adding the description in bold would help me)! ^^

- Kat

poke123
05-07-2008, 02:56 AM
ok cool thanks

can i just edit the original?
or should i repost the edited version?

poke123
05-08-2008, 01:45 AM
I am done editing it so it is ready for regrading! :biggrin:

Phantom Kat
05-08-2008, 01:59 AM
Ahh, much better! I like the description you put in both the surrpiundings and the battles. Also, adding that coversation with Max was really nice. So I have no trouble in saying: Starly captured! Just make sure you do all this the first time around. ^^

Remember that you can always elaborate on the descriptions, add more color and detail, etc. It's always better to have more than descriptiona and less, and this coupled with a good plot and grammar (your grammar is really nice) can make practically any Pokemon easy to capture. =)

Have fun! :happy:

- Kat

poke123
05-08-2008, 02:10 AM
thank you very much!:biggrin:

poke123
05-13-2008, 12:14 AM
Ok, here's my second story.
It starts right after my first story ends, so you kind of have to have read the first story to understand it a little better, but if you didn't, here's a summary.

Johnny is a new trainer that just got to Sinnoh. He overhears a conversation between some people that a Charmander has been spotted. After this, a wild goose chases ensues and everyone is trying to catch Charmander. At the end, Johnny makes a new friend, Max, and catches the Charmander and a Starly who had been following him.

Pokemon: Gligar(for Yusuke007) and x2 Ralts
Category:Medium(Gligar 10-20K, Ralts x2 20-40K for both Ralts)
# Words: 6,329
# of Characters with spaces: 28,104
# of Characters with no spaces: 34,301
Status: Ready to grade!


Edited version:
# of Characters with spaces: 31,132
# of Characters with no spaces: 38,012:


Gligar the Mischievous Stowaway



Chapter 1:Two more join the journey

The two red and white spheres ceased moving. A black-haired teenager walked over to the Pokeballs and picked them up. He held them up with pride.

“Yes! I caught a Charmander and a Starly!” yelled Johnny with a big grin across his face.

His little, blue mudfish Pokemon jumped onto Johnny’s shoulder and cheered with Johnny. All of a sudden, Mudkip’s front legs buckled and he fell. Johnny reacted quickly and caught his little Pokemon in his arms.

“Is Mudkip okay?” asked a brown-haired teenager from behind Johnny.

“He’s fine. I just need Nurse Joy to heal him,” responded Johnny sounding slightly worried.

“Here, give me your Mudkip and your two newly caught Pokemon and I will heal them,” said a pink-haired young lady in a nurse uniform.

Nurse Joy took Johnny’s Pokemon and motioned for the two teenagers to follow her into the Pokemon Center. They entered the big building. Nurse Joy then pointed at the sofas in the middle, where Johnny had first heard about the Charmander, and told them to wait. Johnny and Max began to talk.

“Wow, I can’t believe you caught two Pokemon at once,” said Max in awe, “I only have one Pokemon.”

“Hey, don’t worry. You’ll catch a Pokemon soon,” said Johnny.

“What are you going to do after this?” inquired Max with a questioning face.

“Well, I’m thinking of heading up to Jubilife City and seeing what I’ll do from there. What about you?” said Johnny.

“Well, I don’t really know because I usually just went wherever James went,” said Max bashfully.

“You’re welcome to come with me,” offered Johnny.

“Sure,” responded Max eagerly.

They continued talking about their favorite Pokemon and what were their favorite Pokemon types. After an hour or two, Nurse Joy approached Johnny and gave him his three Pokeballs.

“Thank you very much,” he said with a smile, “Well I’m going to be heading out. Thanks for everything Nurse Joy.”

poke123
05-13-2008, 12:16 AM
Chapter 2: Destination Jubilife City


Both teenagers got their things and walked out of the air conditioned Center. When they were outside, Johnny decided to see his new Pokemon and to congratulate his Mudkip. He reached into his belt and unhooked his three Pokeballs. He released the Pokemon inside of them by clicking on the button in the middle. A red beam emerged from each Pokeball and from that beam came a Pokemon. A small, blue mudfish Pokemon, a small, orange lizard Pokemon with a small fire on its tail, and small, brownish bird Pokemon emerged from the Pokeballs. Mudkip quickly ran to its trainer and looked up at him for approval.

“You were awesome!” said Johnny as he joyfully picked up his Mudkip.

He embraced him and then put him down.

“Well, let’s see what you’ve got,” Johnny said to Charmander and Starly, “Charmander use Flamethrower and Starly use Wing Attack!”

Charmander concentrated, took a deep breath, and unleashed a stream of fire from his mouth. The orange-red tongues of fire singed the grass below them as the Flamethrower was maintained for a few seconds. Starly began to flap his wings, pushing dust away as he rose into the air. Starly flapped its wings hard as it flew in a circle. Then, he began to fly in a straight line and his wings began to glow. Starly began to fly faster and show off for Johnny. Johnny’s face lit up as he saw both of his new Pokemon give him an amazing demonstration of their abilities.

“That’s good for now,” Johnny said as he returned all three to their Pokeballs.

“Wow, you’re Pokemon are really strong,” said Max.

“Thanks,” responded Johnny.

“So, are we going to Jubilife City now?” asked Max.

“Yeah, let’s go,” said Johnny.

Johnny and Max began to walk through the open field where the Charmander had been a few days ago. Everything seemed a lot more active then when Johnny went through there at night. There were Bidoofs running thorough the green, grassy fields. The grass barely reached Johnny’s knees. As they passed a small pond, Johnny could see some Surskit gliding across the crystalline surface of the pond. They continued walking for three hours. After all that walking, they could see Jubilife City in the horizon and right at the entrance was a Pokemon Center.

“Look, a Pokemon Center! We can rest there!” said Johnny with his eyebrows raised and excitement in his voice.

“I’ll race you there,” said Max as he began to sprint to the Pokemon Center.

“You’re on,” said Johnny as he also began to sprint.

They both got there at the same time and were gasping for breath. As they huffed and puffed, they walked into the Pokemon Center. This Pokemon Center was different from the last one. It was smaller. Instead of sofas in the middle of the Pokemon Center, the sofas were all around the edge of the Pokemon Center. In the middle of the Pokemon Center there was a small, blue counter with pamphlets on it. At the end of the room was a big counter and behind it was a Chansey and pink-haired girl with a nurse’s uniform. She looked exactly like the Nurse Joy from the last Pokemon Center.

“Can I help you?” asked the Nurse Joy look-alike.

“Do you have somewhere that we could rest?” asked Max in between breaths.

“Are you ok?” asked Nurse Joy, noticing that both the boys’ faces were a deep shade of red.

“Yeah, we just sprinted about half a mile,” said Johnny.

“Well we don’t have beds here, but you’re welcome to have some water from the water fountain or something from the cafeteria,” she said pointing at a door next to her.

“Thank you, but I think we just need to lie down,” said Johnny.

They each picked a red colored sofa and fell onto it without any energy to move. They each slept in their sofas for about an hour. They were startled and woke up, when a person came into the Pokemon Center. It was a girl about their age. She had long brown hair and was wearing jeans. She gave her two Pokeballs to Nurse Joy and sat down at one of the sofas next to them. She looked in their direction, then rummaged in her backpack and pulled out a cell phone. She dialed some numbers and called someone.

poke123
05-13-2008, 12:17 AM
Chapter 3:A Change in Plans


“I’m going to go call my parents,” said Johnny as he walked over to the phones.

He dialed his house number and his dad answered.

“Hey, Dad it’s me, Johnny,” said Johnny.

“Hey son, how are you doing?” inquired his dad.

“Really good, I caught two Pokemon today, Charmander and Starly,” said Johnny eagerly.

“Wow! Two new Pokemon already! Congratulations! Well, I have some good news. Guess who called me last night?” said his dad with an excited tone in his voice.


“Who?” said Johnny trying to think what the good news could be.

“It was your Uncle Fred. One of his Pokemon had an egg. He would to hatch it, but he simply doesn’t have the time. So, I suggested that he give it to you, so you can hatch it. What do you think? Will you do it?” asked Johnny’s dad.

“That’s awesome. Sure I’ll do it. How am I supposed to get the egg though?” said Johnny almost jumping from excitement.

“Well, your uncle is already on a boat all the way from Johto just to give you the egg personally. All you have to do is meet him in Sandgem Town. There’s a dock south of there and that’s where your uncle’s ship comes in. Where are you right now?” said his dad.

“I’m in Jubilife City. You should have told me before, I was a lot closer to Sandgem Town,” Johnny said with a sigh.

“So, is that a yes?” asked his dad.

“It’s a yes. What Pokemon is it?” asked Johnny.

“Well, I guess you’ll find out when it hatches, now won’t you?” said Johnny’s dad with a chuckle.

“Ok, dad, I’ll talk to you later,” Johnny said as he hung up the phone partly excited, but also partly disappointed.

He wondered why his father hadn’t told him what Pokemon would be in the egg. It could be a really strong Pokemon, maybe even a dragon-type. He had always heard that dragon-type Pokemon were hard to raise, but were extremely strong if raised in the correct manner. He walked over to Max, who was feeding his Linoone some Pokeblocks.

“I have to go to Sandgem Town to see my uncle. He’s coming in by ship. You want to come with me?” asked Johnny.

“Sure, I’ve got nothing better to do,” responded Max as he chuckled.

poke123
05-13-2008, 12:19 AM
Chapter 4:Max's first catch


They both walked out of the Pokemon Center and began to walk towards Sandgem Town. They decided to take a short cut through a long stretch of open field. This field was very grassy, but it was nice and short. Johnny couldn’t see a single Pokemon roaming around, which was weird because Pokemon usually loved open fields like this. Then, a small half-black, half-blue Pokemon walked out into the field. Its front paws had a ring around them. It had a tail which ended in a yellow, four point star. It was a Shinx. Johnny saw it and immediately wanted to catch it. He thought of which Pokemon to use. He couldn’t use Mudkip or Starly because they were weak against electric types, so his only option was Charmander. He threw Charmander’s Pokeball into the air and from it emerged the small, orange lizard Pokemon. He challenged the Shinx to a battle. It nodded and charged at Charmander. It was trying to use Tackle.

“Use Flamethrower, Charmander!”

Heat began to build up in Charmander’s body and yellow and orange tongues of fire erupted from his mouth. The lion-like Pokemon jumped to the side and his fur began to crackle with electricity. Shinx’s fur was covered by small blue sparks that jumped around on his fur. Shinx scrunched his face together and released this energy in one attack. The Spark attack engulfed Charmander. Charmander tried to use Scratch on Shinx, but he couldn’t move. He was paralyzed by the electricity. Shinx ran at him mouth wide open and used Bite. Charmander winced as he was bitten on the arm by the Shinx. The lion Pokemon let go and charged up another Spark attack. When his fur was crackling with small jolts of energy, he released it and Charmander was pushed back by the force of the attack. Charmander’s face was scrunched up in pain. He was too tired to continue fighting and he fainted.

“Charmander, no!” Johnny yelled as he ran to his Pokemon.

He quickly got out a Paralyze Heal and a Potion and began to spray them both on Charmander. Charmander slowly opened its eyes.

“Char?” Charmander said weakly.

“No, you lost, but that’s ok,” responded Johnny almost as if he knew what Charmander was saying.

“Do you mind if I try to catch him?” asked Max.

“No, go ahead, catch him,” replied Johnny.

“Alright, Linoone, here we go!” Max yelled as Linoone emerged from its Pokeball.

“Use Shadow Ball then Slash!” commanded Max.

The badger Pokemon charged a sphere of dark energy in his mouth, until it was large enough. Then, he released it in the direction of Shinx. The lion Pokemon had no time to react and received the attack head-on. Linoone ran up to Shinx with its claws glowing and swung at Shinx trying to use Slash on it. Shinx moved from side to side, but Linoone began to see the pattern in the little lion’s movements and the badger Pokemon’s attacks began to hit their target. Linoone attacked right where Shinx would be. Shinx’s blue face was soon covered in scratches made by Linoone. Max decided to try and catch the Shinx before it could escape. So, he tossed a Pokeball at it and Shinx was sucked into the small, red and white ball. It wiggled once, twice, three times and then it stopped moving. Max jumped up in joy. He had a huge smile across his face.

“I caught a Shinx!” Max yelled at the top of his lungs.

“I didn’t know you liked Shinx so much,” said Johnny trying to hold in hi laughter.

“Well, I don’t,” he said in embarrassment, “but this is the first Pokemon I’ve ever caught.”

“Oh, that’s right. Well, congratulations,” Johnny said as he extended his hand.

Max shook his hand and then looked down at Linoone.

“Good job,” he said to his Pokemon.

He fed him a Pokeblock and began to stroke Linoone’s tan fur. They kept on walking towards Sandgem Town after Johnny put Charmander back in his Pokeball and Max put the Pokeball with his Shinx in it away. Linoone had stayed outside. His feet were on Max’s shoulders and his body was on top of Max's head. After walking for four hours through the field, they arrived at Sandgem Town. They walked into the town and saw a lot of colorful house made out of wood or bricks, a few people outside, and some Pokemon frolicking in a garden patch. Everyone seemed to be busy talking to someone or just plain busy.

poke123
05-13-2008, 12:20 AM
Chapter 5:Meeting Uncle Fred


They walked past the town and saw why the town was named Sandgem Town. At the southern edge of the town, the grass and dirt became sand. It seemed that Sandgem Town was really close to the coast. Part of the city seemed to be on the beach. They continued walking through the sand, seeing white birds with blue stripes on their wings fly by. Up ahead was a small house, which looked like it was rarely used. It was blue or at least it was supposed to be. The paint had mostly peeled off leaving the wood exposed. The wood had rot because of the mist from the ocean. Max got close and knocked on the door. The door was unlocked, so when he knocked on it, it swung open. It seemed like someone had lived there, but a few months ago. There were old crumbs of food and plates were left unwashed in rusting sink.

“Can I help you?” said a mysterious voice from behind them.

They both quickly turned around and saw a man standing there. He looked like he was around forty. He had buzz-cut and was kind of chubby. He was about a foot taller than both the teenagers. He had a sailor’s uniform on and a key in his hand.

“This is my house,” he said his face beginning to get red with anger, “and I won’t let some hooligans ransack it!”

“No, wait! We’re just trainers. We knocked on your door and it swung open,” said Max, his voice shaking.

The man looked in his house, then looked at the two teenagers and decided that he overreacted.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m gone overseas a lot and my place sometimes gets broken into. My name is Clayton,” said the man, “So, what are you guys doing out here?”

“We’re headed to a dock near here, to see my uncle,” said Johnny.

“You mean that ship that’s coming in from Olivine City?” said the tall sailor.

“I don’t know, is Olivine City in Johto?” asked Johnny.

“Is Olivine City in Johto?” the sailor laughed, “Of course it’s in Johto. Where else would it be, Hoenn?”

“Well, I don’t really know much about the different regions,” said Johnny bashfully.

“The dock is that way,” said the sailor pointing in south, “It shouldn’t take you longer than ten minutes to get there.”

Both trainers said thanks and they continued walking towards the ocean. Finally, they reached a dock. It was kind of small and shabby-looking and it didn’t look too sturdy. Johnny then looked up saw a medium-sized ship. It was white and had a few passengers on it. It looked like it was really old; you could see the old paintjob underneath it because some of the paint had begun to crack. The waves of crystal clear water rolled up against the side of the ship and crashed against it, spraying water all over the ship, making it look magnificent. The ship docked and was tied to the dock with some ropes. A few passengers got off before Johnny saw his uncle. He was a little shorter than Johnny and had black hair just like him. In his arms, was a large egg. Johnny’s uncle put the egg in his backpack and got off the ship.

“How are you kiddo?” said uncle with his arms open.

Johnny gave him a hug and said, “Pretty good, Uncle Fred. How are you?”

“Good, so I take your dad told you one of my Pokemon had an egg?” asked Fred.

“Yes, but he didn’t tell me which one,” said Johnny hoping to find out what was in the egg.

“I guess you’ll find out when it hatches, now won’t you?” said Fred.

“You said exactly what dad said,” said Johnny laughing.

“Well, I guess brothers think alike,” said Fred.

Fred looked at the teenager next to Johnny and said, “Hey, I’m Fred, Johnny’s uncle and you are?”

“I’m Max, I’m traveling with Johnny,” said Max.

“That’s good. So, we should go to the Pokemon Center and we can talk there,” Fred said to the teenagers.

poke123
05-13-2008, 12:20 AM
Chapter 6:Gligar, the stowaway


As they began to walk towards the Pokemon Center, they heard someone yelling. A slender ferret Pokemon jumped out of the ship and began running towards Sandgem Town. A purple Pokemon with wings and claws was in pursuit of it. A short man with bald head ran out of the ship and began to yell.

“Come back here!” yelled the captain, his face red with anger.

“What’s wrong?” asked Fred.

“That Gligar stowed away on my ship and chased my Furret out of the ship! You were in Olivine City right? You remember that Gligar that was causing all sorts of trouble and then it just disappeared. It must have stowed away. Now my Furret is being chased in a place that he doesn’t even know,” said the captain in a furious voice.

“I’m going to get my Furret,” grumbled the vertically-challenged captain as he stomped off.

“We can help,” said Max.

“I don’t need help. I’m going to get my Furret by myself,” said the captain with a determined look on his face.

“Do you even have any other Pokemon to fight that Gligar with?” asked Fred.

The captain stopped and turned around.

He gritted his teeth as he said, “I hadn’t thought about that. Do you think you guys can help me? I would do it myself, but I don’t want my Furret to get hurt.”

He wasn’t the kind of person who usually asked for help, let alone from complete strangers. He had tried to maintain some sense of self-pride by convincing himself that he only needed help because he had no Pokemon.

He reluctantly joined their group and they all began to walk towards Sandgem Town. After much badgering by Johnny and Max, the captain began to talk about his voyages. He had been to every region. He had lived most of his life on the ocean.

“So, when did you catch your Furret,” asked Max.

“I caught him when I became a sailor. I saw him on the docks, looking at the ocean, as if it were in love with it. I asked it if it wanted to come with me on my voyages and it agreed. We’ve been best friends ever since,” said the captain trying to stay calm.

Just thinking about Furret reminded him of the stowaway Gligar, which in turn infuriated him.

“Don’t worry, we’ll find him,” said Johnny.

After walking for ten minutes, they came across a rusty, old shack. It was Clayton’s shack. The old, beaten-up door swung open and Clayton walked out of the shack.

“Hey, it’s the kids that were trying to break into my house,” said Clayton jokingly, “You two won’t believe what happened a few minutes ago.”

“What happened?” asked Johnny and Max.

“Do you know this guy?” asked Fred with a serious tone.

“Yeah Uncle Fred, he told us where the docks were about half an hour ago,” responded Johnny, “So what happened?”

“Well, I was just about to close my door because it had swung open, when out of nowhere a Furret jumped into the house right before I closed the door. Then, something began to slam into the house. I looked through the window and it was a Gligar. It kept tackling the house. It seemed like it was chasing the Furret, but after a few minutes the Gligar gave up and flew off in the direction of Sandgem Town.

“You found my Furret?” said the captain almost jumping up with excitement.

“Your Furret? This is my Furret. It ran into my house and it had no trainer, so its mine,” said Clayton as he walked into his rundown shack and brought the Furret outside.

“He’s mine, really,” said the captain as he tried to get his ferret Pokemon.

“Well, if he was really yours, than what was he doing running around being chased by a Gligar?” asked Clayton.

“The Gligar spooked him,” responded the captain.

“Well, he’s mine and you’ll never get him,” said Clayton as he ran off with the Furret in his arms.

The captain began to chase Clayton. They looked like little five-year-olds fighting over a toy. Clayton was not going to let go of his new friend.

“Give Furret back or else!” yelled the captain.

“Or else what, shorty?” teased the sailor.

The captain had had it. His face was getting very red. Within in a few seconds, his face looked like a tomato and the veins on his neck were bulging and he began to yell at the top of his lungs.

“GIVE ME BACK MY FURRET!” yelled the short, angry captain.

This was a sight to see. The sailor, who was at least twice the size of the captain, was now intimidated by the captain. The sailor was shaking with fear. He gave back the Furret without a word. The captain quickly calmed down and thanked Johnny, Fred, and Max for their help.

“By the way, my name’s Eugene and if you ever need anything just look me up,” said Eugene as he walked away with a smile on his face and a ferret in his arms.

“I’m sorry about that,” said Clayton bashfully, “It’s just that I don’t have a Pokemon of my own.”

Fred began rummaging in his pocket and pulled out a Pokeball.

“Here’s an empty Pokeball, go down to the beach and catch a Pokemon that likes to be at sea as much as you do,” said Fred.

“Really? Thank you, very much!” said Clayton as his face lit up, “I’ll go get a Pokemon right now.”

Clayton ran off towards the beach, hoping to catch his first Pokemon.

poke123
05-13-2008, 12:22 AM
Chapter 7:Sandgem Town meets Gligar


Johnny, Fred, and Max began walking towards Sandgem Town. As they approached the town, it seemed less peaceful than it was when Johnny and Max had walked through it. There were tipped over trash cans and all the trash was scattered about. The baby Pokemon that had been frolicking around the flower bed were nowhere to be seen and the flower bed was completely destroyed. The colorful petals were scattered all over the place. People were cleaning up and some had Pokemon in their arms trying to calm them down. They looked like baby Pokemon that had been frightened. They walked past the mess and went into the Pokemon Center at the edge of the town. This Pokemon Center was exactly the same as the Pokemon Center that Johnny and Max had been in on Route 202. There were red sofas in the center of the room, chairs and tables along the edge of the Pokemon Center, and rooms on opposite sides of the Center. Nurse Joy’s counter was the wall closest to the door. The only difference is that there were a few flowers along the windowsills and there was sculptures made out of sand in a corner. A pink haired girl with a nurse’s uniform stood behind the counter.

“What’s going on out there?” asked Fred with a puzzled look on his face.

“It seems that a mischievous Gligar came through the city. It began to bully the Pokemon and cause damage for no reason at all. The weirdest part is, Gligars are extremely uncommon in Sinnoh and even then, they’re only found on an island off the coast, far from here,” said Nurse Joy trying to think of where the Gligar could have come from.

“It stowed away on the ship that I was on. I came all the way from Johto,” replied Fred.

“Well, that explains why there is a Gligar is here, but not why it was in such a bad mood,” said Nurse Joy.

“I was wondering Nurse Joy if you have one of those containers for Pokemon eggs,” said Fred trying to change topics.

“Yes, I have one back here,” she said as she went into the back room and rummaged around in a closet, until she found a shiny, new container.

She gave it to Fred and pressed a button so the glass would move so he could place the Pokemon in it. Fred grabbed his green backpack and pulled out the egg he had in it. He carefully placed it in the cylindrical container. The container was made mostly out of glass, so Johnny could see right through it. It was a bright white and had small, yellow thunder bolt shapes all over it. Johnny couldn’t think of what it was.

Fred was about to hand the container to Johnny, but quickly took it back. Johnny had expected this, his uncle was known for testing people.

“Before I can trust you with this egg, I have to see how you are raising your Pokemon,” said Fred slyly.

“How are you going to do that?” asked Johnny.

“We’re going to battle. It’ll be a 3 on 3 battle. Do you accept?” asked Fred.

“Of course,” said Johnny.

Nephew and Uncle walked out of the Pokemon Center in search of a place to battle. Max was really tired and decided to stay. He lay down on a sofa and closed his eyes. Half an hour later, Max woke up with a jolt as the Pokemon Center’s front doors slid open. Johnny walked in with a scowl on his face and gave his Pokeballs to Nurse Joy. Fred came in laughing. He was laughing so hard, he could hardly breathe.

“Well, it was a great battle, but you shouldn’t get all mad when you lose. Although I have to say, seeing you mad has made me laugh more than I have ever laughed before,” chuckled Fred.

“Well, I lost. So, I guess you can take your egg back with you because I’m not a good trainer,” grumbled Johnny with his eyebrows slanted down in anger.

“Hey, I didn’t say you the goal of the battle was to beat me. I mean, you gave it your all and that’s what really counts,” said Fred with a grin.

“Huh?” said Johnny.

“Here you go,” said Fred as he gave the container to Johnny, “Be careful, and treat the Pokemon right when it hatches. I’ve got to head back because your Aunt Katie will nag at me if I stay any longer, but I’ll see you soon.”

With that, Fred walked out of the Pokemon Center and began to walk back to the dock. Johnny looked at his new egg in awe. He sat down on one of the sofas and just stared at it, wondering what it could be. Meanwhile, Max took out his two Pokeballs and gave them to Nurse Joy so she could heal them.

“I’m going to go sleep for a bit,” said Max as he walked towards the rooms.

“Sure thing,” said Johnny as he continued to stare at his new Pokemon egg.

Two hours later, Max emerged from the room and saw that Johnny had fallen asleep in front of the Pokemon egg. Max walked up to the counter and got his two Pokeballs from Nurse Joy.

She leaned over the counter and asked, “So, what was with that whole Pokemon egg thing?”

“Well, one of Johnny’s uncle’s Pokemon had an egg and he was too busy to raise it. So, he gave it to Johnny,” explained Max.

“Oh, ok,” she said and she turned around and began to tend to some Pokemon that were hurt.

Max nudged Johnny so he would wake up. Johnny shot straight up and looked around with his eyes closed. He rubbed his eyes and saw Max right in front of him.

“Let’s go,” Max said.

“Ok, so we’re going back to Jubilife City?” Johnny asked half asleep.

“Yeah, we should hurry up and go before it gets too dark,” Max said as he walked to the door. Johnny picked up the container with his egg and put it in his backpack. They both walked out of the Pokemon Center and saw that everything had been cleaned up. New flowers had been planted in the flower bed and the baby Pokemon had returned to the flowerbed. They walked out of the city and began walking down Route 202. They walked through a thick, lush forest. There were several Pokemon jumping around in the trees. After a few hours of walking they came across the Pokemon Center where they had been the day before. They walked for another mile before the sun began to set, painting the sky magnificently with various shades of red and purple. They decided to set up camp and continue their voyage the next morning. Johnny got out a tent, which was a dark shade of green. He pulled out a dark blue sleeping bag for him and a light-blue sleeping bag for his Mudkip. He put both of them in his tent and sent Mudkip out so he could lie down. However, Mudkip began tugging at his pants. Mudkip was hungry. Max saw this and began to prepare some food. Max let out both of his Pokemon and Johnny let out his other two Pokemon. Johnny asked his orange lizard Pokemon to light a fire for them, which he did with ease. When the food was ready, the Pokemon began eating like there was no tomorrow. Johnny and Max cleaned up their mess and returned their Pokemon to their respective Pokeballs. Max recalled his lion Pokemon and his badger Pokemon. Johnny recalled his lizard Pokemon and his bird Pokemon. Mudkip stayed out because he slept in a sleeping bag made just for Mudkip.

“Well, I’m going to go to sleep,” said Johnny.

“Me too,” responded Max yawning as he went into his tent.

Johnny got into his tent, slipped into his sleeping bag, and drifted off to sleep.

poke123
05-13-2008, 12:23 AM
Chapter 8:Dreaming about the Egg


All of a sudden, Johnny was in the grass right outside of Jubilife City. His egg began to glow and the top of it began to open. A large, yellow and black bird emerged from the egg. It began flying all over the place. He had hatched a Zapdos! Its wings were crackling with electricity. It began to shoot of Thunder Bolt attacks at random Pokemon and fainted them in one hit. A well-dressed man appeared out of nowhere and released a Pokemon. It was a giant, metal Pokemon with four legs. It was a Metagross. The trainer was Hoenn’s champion, Steven. Johnny watched in awe as his Zapdos used Thunder Bolt, fainting Metagross before it could even attack.

“I guess you are the Champion of Hoenn,” said Steven shaking his hand.

Zapdos landed and Johnny ran up to it to congratulate his Zapdos. Then, it opened its mouth and a crystalline stream of water erupted from it and hit Johnny in the face. Johnny sat straight up. Mudkip was sitting next to him laughing. He had sprayed Johnny in the face with a Water Gun attack just for fun. Johnny stretched his arms and got out of the tent. Max was already awake and was making breakfast for everyone. Shinx and Linoone were playing in the grass a few feet away from him. Max told him to let his Pokemon out so they could have breakfast. He released Charmander and Starly from their Pokeballs. Breakfast was served and they all began to eat. After breakfast, they packed up, returned their Pokemon to their Pokeballs and began to walk towards Jubilife City. Johnny made sure that his egg was safe inside of his backpack. Johnny began to wonder what kind of Pokemon was in the egg. He tried to recall all of his uncle’s Pokemon, but the Pokemon that his uncle had used yesterday were not electric types. He kept on thinking and seemed to remember an electric type Pokemon, but couldn’t remember what kind of electric type his uncle had. He hoped that it was a strong Pokemon. While they walked they passed many Pokemon eating. They also passed the small pond they had seen yesterday. There were only three Surskits skating on the clear surface of the water. Above them were five or six Masquerains just flapping their wings and enjoying the experience of flying. They continued walking for a while, until they came across a Machop eating berries and training. They gray human-like Pokemon was chopping away at some wood that he had collected. It had three brown ridges on its head and a small tail. In between chops, he ate some berries. He turned to look at Max and Johnny and just stared blankly at both of them. Max stepped up and challenged the Machop.

“Machop, I challenge you to a battle!” said Max in an intimidating voice.

Machop seemed to have awoken from a trance and put his fists up, ready for battle. Max sent out Shinx. The little lion Pokemon’s fur was crackling with static electricity building up.

“Use Spark then Bite!” commanded Max.

Shinx scrunched up its blue face and released the electricity he was storing in a burst of yellow lightning that engulfed Machop. The attack hit so hard, that it made the Machop fall to his knees. Shinx took this advantage to run up to it and use Bite. Machop tried to defend itself by lifting up his arm, but Shinx just sunk his teeth into the gray Pokemon’s arm. Machop yelped in pain as he jumped back. Shinx let go of Machop and used rammed into Machop’s stomach with a Tackle. Machop was pushed back and began panting because it was feeling weak. Max rummaged around in his pocket, looking for a Pokeball. He found one and immediately tossed it at the gray Pokemon. It was sucked in the Pokeball. It moved once, twice, three times, and then it stopped moving. Max picked up his Pokeball and hooked it onto his belt. After that, he scooped up his little lion Pokemon and began to pet him.

“Wow,” said Johnny in amazement, “Your Shinx is so strong.”

“Thanks,” Max said.

poke123
05-13-2008, 12:25 AM
Chapter 9: Putting Gligar in his place


Max turned around and saw that there was something rustling in the bushes. They were at the edge of a forest. Johnny checked the map and saw that at the other side of the forest was Jubilife City.

“Let’s go this way,” Johnny said pointing at the forest.

“I could have sworn that I saw something in those bushes,” said Max.

“Well, I guess we’ll find out when we go through there,” said Johnny as he began walking towards the forest.

They walked into the thickly wooded forest. The trees in the forest were very close together and the leaves were a shade of bright green. The proximity between the trees made it hard to walk through the forest. Johnny looked up and saw Wurmples scurrying around the tree branches. After walking for a few minutes, they heard a yelp a few feet away from them. They kept on walking and walked into a clearing where there were no trees.

Suddenly, two white Pokemon, presumably related, ran into the clearing. They looked scared and as if they were running from something. They had green helmet-like thing on their heads and a red horn protruded from the front and one from the back. They were two Ralts. All of a sudden, a big purple Pokemon with wings flew out from behind some trees. Its face looked like a bat’s face and it had wings. On the tips of the wings were two pincers, which looked like they would slice through anything that got in his way. It also had a tail which ended in a stinger. It had long pointed ears and triangular eyes. It began to attack both Ralts. They both glowed with a blue aura and stopped the Gligar. They were using Confusion. Then, they slammed it into the tree. Gligar did not even flinch and returned to attack the Pokemon with its stinger. It was trying to inject poison in them by using Poison Sting.

Johnny jumped in front of the Ralts and yelled, “Don’t hurt these Pokemon!”

The Gligar tried to stop so he wouldn’t collide with Johnny and ended up crashing to the floor. One Ralts began grabbed the other Ralts’ hand and it began to glow in a rainbow of different colors. With a flash, they both disappeared. They had used Teleport. Gligar got up and looked around, but could no longer see the two Ralts. Gligar squinted its eyes in anger because he had no one to bully anymore.

He turned to Johnny with an angry face and wanted to battle him because Johnny had let the two Ralts get away. The two Ralts appeared out of nowhere and landed behind Johnny. Gligar went berserk and tried to get to them.

Johnny quickly released his Mudkip and had him use Water Gun on Gligar. The blue mudfish Pokemon jumped out of its Pokeball and sprayed Gligar with a strong stream of water. The purple bat-like Pokemon was pushed back into a tree by the powerful stream of water. The Gligar grunted in anger and then flew at Mudkip, its stinger pointed at Mudkip. Mudkip dodged to the side and used Mud Shot at Gligar. Small fist-sized clumps of mud flew out of Mudkip's mouth and hit Gligar on the back. This surprise attack startled Gligar and he crashed into the ground. Gligar then got up and his wings began to glow. He began to swoop down again and again, hitting Mudkip with Steel Wing. Mudkip tried to dodge, but Gligar seemed to be one step ahead of him. Finally, Mudkip used Water Gun at the floor underneath him, propelling him into the air, just as Gligar was swooping in to hit him again. Gligar had no idea where Mudkip had gone and was still in mid-attack. Then, Mudkip fell from the sky, full force, and hit Gligar in the back with a tackle. Gligar was slammed into the ground. Mudkip dizzily got up. That last attack had taken a lot out of Mudkip. His legs were trembling from the impact.

Johnny looked at Gligar and saw that he was no longer moving. Johnny reached in his pocket, got out a Pokeball, and tossed it at Gligar. The bat-like Pokemon was engulfed in a red light as the Pokeball hit him and was then sucked into the Pokeball. Johnny didn’t even look to see whether he caught it or not.

He turned to the two scared Ralts behind him. Mudkip tried to get close to them so he could talk to them, but they both began to glow and used Confusion. Mudkip was covered in a blue aura, lifted into the air and was slammed into a tree. Mudkip was too tired to continue, so his legs buckled and he collapsed. Johnny quickly returned Mudkip to his Pokeball.

“The only way these Pokemon are going to calm down is if I catch them,” thought Johnny.

“Go Charmander and Starly!” said Johnny as he released his other two Pokemon.

An orange lizard and a brown bird emerged from the Pokeballs.

“Charmander, use Flamethrower and Starly use Wing Attack!” commanded Johnny.

Charmander opened its mouth and released tongues of orange and red fire. Starly began to flap its wings and took to the sky. It flew right above the Flamethrower, ready to attack after the Flamethrower hit. One of the Ralts began to glow in a variety of colors and grabbed the other Ralts’ hand. They both disappeared and reappeared behind Charmander. Charmander quickly turned around and jumped backwards. Starly made a sharp turn and flew next to Charmander.

Both Ralts began to glow with a blue aura. Charmander and Starly were covered in the aura and began to float. After that, they were thrown against a tree. Both Pokemon fell face first after they were released from the Confusion attack. Both Pokemon then stood up and approached the two Ralts. They began to glow again. Johnny knew what this meant.

All of a sudden, Charmander was covered in a blue aura. Starly quickly rushed at both Ralts using Quick Attack. He hit both of them, releasing their psychic grip on Charmander. Starly made a sharp turn and began to swoop down on them using Wing Attack as his wings glowed a pure, white color. Then, Starly landed next to Charmander and let him give the final blow. Charmander concentrated and began to accumulate fire in his body. Then, all at once he released it through his mouth in a strong, steady stream of fire. The two wild Pokemon were engulfed by the flames and fainted instantly.

Johnny reached into his pocket, got out two empty Pokeballs and tossed them at the two wild Pokemon. They were quickly sucked in and the Pokeball began to shake. Johnny turned around to look for the Pokeball that he had tried to catch Gligar with, but he couldn’t find it. He turned back around and saw that Max had Johnny’s three Pokeballs in his hands.

Max looked at Johnny and said, “It looks like you caught…”






That's my story. I hope he says "It looks like you caught all three Pokemon"

I'm going for 2 Ralts and a Gligar
Here's the chracter count again

Pokemon: Gligar(for Yusuke007) and x2 Ralts
Category:Medium(Gligar 10-20K, Ralts x2 20-40K for both Ralts) so min-max for all thre together is 30-60K

# Words: 6,329
# of Characters with spaces: 28,104
# of Characters with no spaces: 34,301
Status: Ready to grade!


Edited version:
# of Characters with spaces: 31,132
# of Characters with no spaces: 38,012:

Phantom Kat
05-15-2008, 02:23 AM
Sorry for taking a while, hope this makes up for it. =)

Plot: After Johnny has caught Charmander and Starly, and he and Max head to Jubilife City, There, Johnny gets informed by his father that his Uncle Max has a Pokemon egg he has no time to hatch and wants to give it him. From there, Johnny and Max travel to Sandgem Town where his uncle’s ship is going to dock. However, when they get there, they join the captain in looking for his Furret after a stowaway Gligar has scared it away. After they get the Furret, they head into the Pokemon Center but not before seeing the mess Gligar made. Johnny and Max leave again to Jubilife and in the forest, they meet Gligar who is chasing two Ralts. Johnny battles all three of them, hoping they are captured.

Overall, it was better than your last story. More things happened , it wasn’t just a mad chase from one spot to the other. I did they feel that is was sort of bland, and I think it was because one thing happened right after the other. For example, when the captain joined the gang to look for his Furret. I didn’t get to know the captain, I didn’t get to know who he was, how he acts, etc. It just felt like he was just another character you threw in for the event. Whenever you introduce new characters that are more than just cameos (like the captain and Uncle Max), we need to know them as well as possible. Are they laidback or have a short temper? Where do they come from? You wrote the captain told the kids about his life, but we want to know, too. In the future, take more time to introduce new characters into the story, describe more than just their looks.

Another thing I want to point out is that, for me, there seemed to be battle after battle. I can see why since there are two new trainers who want to capture as many Pokemon as they can, but too many battles that are in the story just so that the trainers can get more Pokemon for their teams gets dull, no matter how well they are done. You can put some interesting plot twists instead, something exciting that makes the story more exciting. If you want to for a character to get a new Pokemon, you can just say something along the lines of, “From the walk through the forest, Max had managed to catch a rowdy Machop. As Johnny thought back to the battle between the electric lion and the human-shaped Pokemon, he was in awe at how long it took.” Long story short, cut back on the battles. ^^;

Introduction: This was good, maybe a bit dull but good since it is a continuation. Just makes sure we are able to see the surroundings because I could only see the characters.

Grammar/Spelling: This was pretty good, actually. I saw no major grammar mistakes, and the mistakes I did see were merely typos or something else.

He reached onto his battle and unhooked his three Pokeballs.

Should be “into” and “belt”

Hey, dad it’s me, Johnny,” said Johnny.

“Dad” should be capitalized since it is being used as name.

Shinx scrunched his face together and released this energy in a one attack.

You don’t need the “a”.

“Alright, Linoone, here we go!”

A comma is needed.

The badger Pokemon charged a sphere of dark energy in his mouth, until it was large enough.

You don’t need the comma unless you were going to add something like: “,it was large enough to swallow him whole.”

“I didn’t know you liked Shinxes so much,”

“Pokemon” and Pokemon names are the like the word “sheep”. The same word can be used as the singular form and the plural form. So in this case, it is just, “Shinx” just like more than one Eevee would still be “Eevee”.

After walking for four hours, through the field, they arrived at Sandgem Town.

The comma isn’t needed.

“I don’t know, Is Olivine City in Johto?”

“Is” shouldn’t be capitalized.

“Well, I guess brother’s think alike,” said Fred.

The apostrophe isn’t needed.

Just look out for typos when you proofread, they are really annoying for everybody. ^^;

Also the battles at the end should be separated into paragraphs, it was hard to read. O_o;

Length: No probs here.

Description/Detail: First of all, I would like to say kudos to you in this area because it is much better than in your first story. Things were described more vividly than before, both the characters and the surroundings. All I would say here is to elaborate more on your descriptions and details by adding the other senses, not just sight. Maybe they Johnny and Max heard the mad buzzing of Gligar’s wings before they saw him coming, the noise cutting through the air like a kitchen knife. Maybe as Charmander burned the Ralts, the faint smell of burning flesh rose into the air. This will just make the story more vivid, and the descriptions will stick more. I’ll be looking for improvement in this area in your next story so make sure to work on it. ;)

Battle: Like the description area, this was better than in your last story. All I would say to work on is the description because if your descriptions improve, so will the battles. Also, try to add more variety in your battles by using more moves other than Confusion , Flamethrower, Wing Attack, etc. All of these Pokemon have a lot of moves in their move pool, using as man as you can in your battles will be much better.

Outcome: Well, this borderline for me. On one hand, you improved since last time description and battle-wise, but on the other hand, the plot was not all that exciting, at least, not for three Mediums. For now, I’m going to say: Gligrar and one Ralts captured! I’ll give you the second Ralts if you add some kind exciting twist in the story, something that will pique my interest (but that doesn’t mean it can be random, it has to be related at least somewhat to the plot). I’m not asking for much, just something that will make things more interesting. PM me for a re-grade whenever you want and good luck! ^^

- Kat

poke123
05-15-2008, 09:20 PM
I added a twist and changed some other stuff, so i would like a regrade please.

Phantom Kat
05-15-2008, 10:41 PM
It's better and we got to see more of the captain than just agreeing to go along with them them and then disppearing with a trace (although the captain's sudden shift in moods was quite odd O_o;;). Since it was borderline before and this made things slightly more interesting: Ralts catpured!

Remember that as you write more in the URPG, I'll expect more form you since you've had more experience. We want a plot that gets us to the edge of our seats so the story should be more than just trainers walking from place to place, having battles, and occasionally stopping a small nuisance. I'm going to look out for these things the next time around so be sure to really have a plot that will make thinsg exciting. ;)

- Kat

poke123
05-16-2008, 02:34 AM
It's better and we got to see more of the captain than just agreeing to go along with them them and then disppearing with a trace (although the captain's sudden shift in moods was quite odd O_o;;). Since it was borderline before and this made things slightly more interesting: Ralts catpured!

Remember that as you write more in the URPG, I'll expect more form you since you've had more experience. We want a plot that gets us to the edge of our seats so the story should be more than just trainers walking from place to place, having battles, and occasionally stopping a small nuisance. I'm going to look out for these things the next time around so be sure to really have a plot that will make thinsg exciting. ;)

- Kat

ok and thanks for the grade:biggrin:

poke123
05-26-2008, 03:44 PM
Here's my third story.
Its a continuation of the last one

Pokemon: Elekid and Magby
Category:2 Simples(Magby and Elekid 5-10K each) total 10-20K
# Words: 3.862
# of Characters with spaces: 17,290
# of Characters with no spaces: 21,106
Status: Ready to grade!

i wonder if anyone can guess where i got the title from:tongue:?


Sweet Egg o' Mine

Finding the Right People for the Job

“Combusken, use Fire Spin!” shouted a blond-haired teenager.

The Pokemon next to the boy looked like a big chicken Pokemon, but instead of wings it had two arms with three claws at the end. The upper half of its body was covered in yellow feathers, while the lower half was covered in orange feathers. Its thighs were huge in comparison to the rest of its body. At the top of its head it had three feathers sticking out. Obeying its trainer’s orders, the Young Fowl Pokemon looked up, built up heat and released it from its beak. A blazing spiral of fire erupted from its beak.

“What do you think of that?” asked the blond-haired teenager.

A man, who was standing a few feet away from him, seemed rather unimpressed. He was dressed formally. He had a striped dress shirt and suit pants. He was also wearing a tie. He had a briefcase in one hand and a Pokeball in the other.

“I told you already. I only choose people who I see in battle,” said the man.

“Yeah, but did you not just see my Combusken? She’s really strong. Why won’t you pick me?” whined the teenager.

“As I’ve said time and again, it is up to me to decide and I will only pick someone who has great skills in battle, not someone who has strong attacks. There is a lot more to battling than strong attacks,” said the man calmly as he began to walk away.

All of a sudden, the man heard a series of shouts and he turned around to see what all the commotion was about. When he turned around he saw that there was a mob of Pokemon trainers, all with Pokeballs in their hands frantically waving them in the air.

“Pick me! Pick me!” the mob shouted as they ran towards the man with the briefcase.

The man’s eyes widened and he began to sprint away from the trainers.

“What did I get myself into?” wondered the man.

After being pursued for nearly ten minutes, the man was out of breath. He was bent over gasping for breath. He looked around and saw that the mob was no where in sight. In front of him, was a thick forest which led to Route 202. The only thing separating him and the forest was the fifteen-foot cliff which he was standing on. Then, the ground beneath him began to crumble and he plummeted into the forest below. Some tree broke his fall, but he was still sore all over. He wearily stood up, took a deep breath, and decided to look for a way out. The forest smelled like ripe fruits. He began making his way through the forest until he reached the edge of it. He tripped over a tree root and fell in front of a shrub.

He heard a big commotion and he decided to look through the cover of the shrubbery. He saw a brown-haired teenager with a Shinx fighting against a Machop. The little lion Pokemon used strong electric attacks to subdue the small, gray Pokemon. The brown-haired boy then caught the Pokemon and turned towards the bush that the man was hiding behind. The brown-haired teenager was accompanied by a black-haired teenager. From what he had heard, there names were Max and Johnny. Johnny began walking towards the forest and Max was right behind him. The man with the briefcase began walking back into the forest. He didn’t want them to see him because he wanted to see them battle again. He began to hear a strange buzzing sound behind him. Two Ralts popped out from between two trees and ran past him, apparently running away from whatever was making the buzzing noise. One Ralts seemed to be dragging the other one behind it. Then, the source of the buzzing noise sped past the man. It was a purple blur. He followed the three Pokemon into a clearing where there were no trees. He stood at the edge of the clearing when he saw that Johnny and Max were already there. Johnny quickly defended the two Ralts and began to battle the Gligar that had been bullying the Ralts. Johnny sent out a small, blue mudfish Pokemon. He subdued it after an intense battle and proceeded to capture it. Johnny’s Mudkip approached the two Ralts, but he was quickly enveloped in a blue aura and they slammed him into a tree using their Confusion attacks. Johnny then sent out two more Pokemon. One was an orange lizard and the other was a brown bird. Charmander and Starly did well in the battle and defeated the two Ralts. Johnny quickly captured them. Max picked up all three Pokeballs and gave them to Johnny. The man stepped into the clearing and began to clap.

“Splendid battle! My name is Walter,” said the man with the briefcase as he extended his hand.

Johnny looked at the middle-aged man. He had short, neat hair. It was a deep brown color. He was wearing a dress shirt and dress pants.

“My name is Johnny,” said Johnny, still confused about where the man had come from.

“The name’s Max,” said Max.

“I’m sorry to startle you, but I happened to see the both of you battle and I have to say, I’m impressed. Both of you battled magnificently. I don’t suppose you’ve heard of the Jubilife Tournament Extravaganza?” asked Walter.

“Nope,” said Johnny and Max.

“Well, it is a tournament that is held every three years in Jubilife City. It is held in the Jubilife Arena in the middle of town. It’s a tradition that started about a decade ago. You see, thirty-two officials are chosen and they are given a suit case with four boxes and four envelopes. Each official must find four trainers, whom they think would be a good participant in the tournament. I usually choose people who I see in battle, but they cannot know I’m there or that I am an official because they will usually try to show off. Now, I was running from a mob of trainers who wanted me to pick them, when I fell down a small cliff and into this forest. I saw both of you battle and I was inspired. So, I will give you this,” said Walter as he put his briefcase on the floor and got on one knee to open it. The inside of the briefcase was lined with silk. There were four spaces to put something in. Two of them were empty. The other two had a white box with no markings and an envelope in each space. Walter picked up both envelopes and both boxes and gave a box and an envelope to Max and Johnny.

“What is it?” asked Johnny curiously as he inspected the box.

“It’s a Poke Watch or Poketch for short. It is like a watch, but it also has many other applications. If you flip to the second application, you can see a timer counting down. This tells you how much time until the tournament starts,” said Walter.

Both teenagers got the watches out of their boxes and put them on. They fiddled with it and finally found the button used to switch between applications. Johnny’s watch was deep blue and Max’s watch was a lush, forest-like green.

“Now, the tournament starts in exactly two weeks. The opening ceremony will begin at 2 p.m. and the first battle will be at 2:30 p.m. You will have to be at the stadium by the time the opening ceremony begins or you will be disqualified. Sometime in the next two weeks, you should stop by the stadium and register. All you do is show them the pass that is in the envelope and you are done,” said the man with the briefcase.

He was about to walk away, when he remembered something and took out his Pokeball and a pen.

“Can I see your envelopes?” asked Walter as he reached out his hand.

“Sure,” said Johnny and Max as they handed their envelopes to Walter.

Walter opened them both up and took out a small card from each. He signed both and threw his Pokeball in the air. From it emerged a small, brown-furred fox. It had six small tails. The fur on its tails was red. The small Vulpix looked up at Walter questioningly.

“I need you to use a small Ember on it these passes again Vulpix,” Walter said calmly.

The Vulpix smiled and began to concentrate. It produced two tiny wisps of fire and accurately shot them at the corner of each pass. The fire burned the edge off.

“My signature and my Vulpix’s Ember on the corner verifies that I presented you these passes and you didn’t steal them,” said Walter as he shook the passes to cool them off.

He then put them back in the envelopes and gave them to the two teenagers. He turned around and began walking towards the city once more.

poke123
05-26-2008, 03:45 PM
Here's my third story.
Its a continuation of the last one

Pokemon: Elekid and Magby
Category:2 Simples(Magby and Elekid 5-10K each) total 10-20K
# Words: 3.907
# of Characters with spaces: 17,453
# of Characters with no spaces: 21,314
Status: Ready to grade!

i wonder if anyone can guess where i got the title from:tongue:?


Here's the summary of the previous two stories:

Story 1: Johnny is a new trainer that just got to Sinnoh. He overhears a conversation between some people that a Charmander has been spotted. After this, a wild goose chases ensues and everyone is trying to catch Charmander. At the end, Johnny makes a new friend, Max, and catches the Charmander and a Starly who had been following him.

Story 2: Johnny decides to call his parents and tell them that he caught two Pokemon. His dad informs him that Johnny's uncle is going to visit him and wants Johnny to take care of a Pokemon Egg. On the way there, Max catches his first Pokemon. Johnny arrives at the docks and sees his uncle. He receives the egg and then a Gligar flies from the ship chasing the captain's Pokemon. After retrieving the captain's Pokemon, Johnny and Max head to Jubilife City, where Max catches a Machop along the way. Johnny then runs into the Gligar bullying two Ralts. Johnny quickly battles the Gligar and catches him. Then, he has to catch the two Ralts because they attack him. In the end he catches both Ralts.

Sweet Egg o' Mine

Chapter 1: Finding the Right People for the Job

“Combusken, use Fire Spin!” shouted a blond-haired teenager.

The Pokemon next to the boy looked like a big chicken Pokemon, but instead of wings it had two arms with three claws at the end. The upper half of its body was covered in yellow feathers, while the lower half was covered in orange feathers. Its thighs were huge in comparison to the rest of its body. At the top of its head it had three feathers sticking out. Obeying its trainer’s orders, the Young Fowl Pokemon looked up, built up heat and released it from its beak. A blazing spiral of fire erupted from its beak.

“What do you think of that?” asked the blond-haired teenager.

A man, who was standing a few feet away from him, seemed rather unimpressed. He was dressed formally. He had a striped dress shirt and suit pants. He was also wearing a tie. He had a briefcase in one hand and a Pokeball in the other.

“I told you already. I only choose people who I see in battle,” said the man.

“Yeah, but did you not just see my Combusken? She’s really strong. Why won’t you pick me?” whined the teenager.

“As I’ve said time and again, it is up to me to decide and I will only pick someone who has great skills in battle, not someone who has strong attacks. There is a lot more to battling than strong attacks,” said the man calmly as he began to walk away.

All of a sudden, the man heard a series of shouts and he turned around to see what all the commotion was about. When he turned around he saw that there was a mob of Pokemon trainers, all with Pokeballs in their hands frantically waving them in the air.

“Pick me! Pick me!” the mob shouted as they ran towards the man with the briefcase.

The man’s eyes widened and he began to sprint away from the trainers.

“What did I get myself into?” wondered the man.

After being pursued for nearly ten minutes, the man was out of breath. He was bent over gasping for breath. He looked around and saw that the mob was no where in sight. In front of him, was a thick forest which led to Route 202. The only thing separating him and the forest was the fifteen-foot cliff which he was standing on. Then, the ground beneath him began to crumble and he plummeted into the forest below. Some tree broke his fall, but he was still sore all over. He wearily stood up, took a deep breath, and decided to look for a way out. The forest smelled like ripe fruits. He began making his way through the forest until he reached the edge of it. He tripped over a tree root and fell in front of a shrub.

He heard a big commotion and he decided to look through the cover of the shrubbery. He saw a brown-haired teenager with a Shinx fighting against a Machop. The little lion Pokemon used strong electric attacks to subdue the small, gray Pokemon. The brown-haired boy then caught the Pokemon and turned towards the bush that the man was hiding behind. The brown-haired teenager was accompanied by a black-haired teenager. From what he had heard, there names were Max and Johnny. Johnny began walking towards the forest and Max was right behind him. The man with the briefcase began walking back into the forest. He didn’t want them to see him because he wanted to see them battle again. He began to hear a strange buzzing sound behind him. Two Ralts popped out from between two trees and ran past him, apparently running away from whatever was making the buzzing noise. One Ralts seemed to be dragging the other one behind it. Then, the source of the buzzing noise sped past the man. It was a purple blur. He followed the three Pokemon into a clearing where there were no trees. He stood at the edge of the clearing when he saw that Johnny and Max were already there. Johnny quickly defended the two Ralts and began to battle the Gligar that had been bullying the Ralts. Johnny sent out a small, blue mudfish Pokemon. He subdued it after an intense battle and proceeded to capture it. Johnny’s Mudkip approached the two Ralts, but he was quickly enveloped in a blue aura and they slammed him into a tree using their Confusion attacks. Johnny then sent out two more Pokemon. One was an orange lizard and the other was a brown bird. Charmander and Starly did well in the battle and defeated the two Ralts. Johnny quickly captured them. Max picked up all three Pokeballs and gave them to Johnny. The man stepped into the clearing and began to clap.

“Splendid battle! My name is Walter,” said the man with the briefcase as he extended his hand.

Johnny looked at the middle-aged man. He had short, neat hair. It was a deep brown color. He was wearing a dress shirt and dress pants.

“My name is Johnny,” said Johnny, still confused about where the man had come from.

“The name’s Max,” said Max.

“I’m sorry to startle you, but I happened to see the both of you battle and I have to say, I’m impressed. Both of you battled magnificently. I don’t suppose you’ve heard of the Jubilife Tournament Extravaganza?” asked Walter.

“Nope,” said Johnny and Max.

“Well, it is a tournament that is held every three years in Jubilife City. It is held in the Jubilife Arena in the middle of town. It’s a tradition that started about a decade ago. You see, thirty-two officials are chosen and they are given a suit case with four boxes and four envelopes. Each official must find four trainers, whom they think would be a good participant in the tournament. I usually choose people who I see in battle, but they cannot know I’m there or that I am an official because they will usually try to show off. Now, I was running from a mob of trainers who wanted me to pick them, when I fell down a small cliff and into this forest. I saw both of you battle and I was inspired. So, I will give you this,” said Walter as he put his briefcase on the floor and got on one knee to open it. The inside of the briefcase was lined with silk. There were four spaces to put something in. Two of them were empty. The other two had a white box with no markings and an envelope in each space. Walter picked up both envelopes and both boxes and gave a box and an envelope to Max and Johnny.

“What is it?” asked Johnny curiously as he inspected the box.

“It’s a Poke Watch or Poketch for short. It is like a watch, but it also has many other applications. If you flip to the second application, you can see a timer counting down. This tells you how much time until the tournament starts,” said Walter.

Both teenagers got the watches out of their boxes and put them on. They fiddled with it and finally found the button used to switch between applications. Johnny’s watch was deep blue and Max’s watch was a lush, forest-like green.

“Now, the tournament starts in exactly two weeks. The opening ceremony will begin at 2 p.m. and the first battle will be at 2:30 p.m. You will have to be at the stadium by the time the opening ceremony begins or you will be disqualified. Sometime in the next two weeks, you should stop by the stadium and register. All you do is show them the pass that is in the envelope and you are done,” said the man with the briefcase.

He was about to walk away, when he remembered something and took out his Pokeball and a pen.

“Can I see your envelopes?” asked Walter as he reached out his hand.

“Sure,” said Johnny and Max as they handed their envelopes to Walter.

Walter opened them both up and took out a small card from each. He signed both and threw his Pokeball in the air. From it emerged a small, brown-furred fox. It had six small tails. The fur on its tails was red. The small Vulpix looked up at Walter questioningly.

“I need you to use a small Ember on it these passes again Vulpix,” Walter said calmly.

The Vulpix smiled and began to concentrate. It produced two tiny wisps of fire and accurately shot them at the corner of each pass. The fire burned the edge off.

“My signature and my Vulpix’s Ember on the corner verifies that I presented you these passes and you didn’t steal them,” said Walter as he shook the passes to cool them off.

He then put them back in the envelopes and gave them to the two teenagers. He turned around and began walking towards the city once more.

poke123
05-26-2008, 03:48 PM
Chapter 2: Training for the Tourney

Johnny and Max had no idea where to go, so they decided to keep going through the forest. When they got out of the forest there was a fifteen-foot cliff above them, separating them from the city. They kept walking along the outside of the forest until they reached a trail leading into the city. As soon as they walked into the city, they saw the Pokemon Center in which they had been a few days ago. The walked into the Pokemon Center and looked around. There were sofas all around the edge of the Pokemon Center. In the middle of the Pokemon Center there was a small, blue counter with pamphlets on it. At the end of the room was a big counter and behind it were a Chansey and pink-haired girl with a nurse’s uniform. Johnny and Max gave her their Pokeballs so she could heal them. After waiting for a while, they picked up their Pokeballs and were about to go outside when Nurse Joy began to talk to Johnny.

“I’m guessing you just caught those two Ralts and the Gligar?” asked Nurse Joy.

“Yes,” said Johnny wondering why she asked him that.

“Well, you should be careful with that Gligar, he’s a handful. The two Ralts you had are apparently siblings. One is a boy and one is a girl. The girl is wearing a bow. She found it and decided to put it on, so it’ll help you from mixing them up,”

“Thanks Nurse Joy,” said Johnny as he walked out of the Pokemon Center.

They decided they were going to train for the next couple of weeks. There was a big field right behind the Pokemon Center that was perfect for training.

For the first few days, all they did was battle. On the fifth day, they decided to change tactics. They were going to practice certain skills like firing long range. Johnny let all of his Pokemon out, except for Gligar. He had let Gligar out the first day, but it had been chaos. Gligar had knocked over everything and was attacking all the Pokemon. It had taken All of Johnny’s Pokemon to knock Gligar out. Johnny then grabbed the glass container holding his egg and pressed a button on the bottom. The glass receded and Johnny took out his lightning bolt decorated egg. He had it in his arms and began to instruct four of his Pokemon to use long range attacks on the targets that were going to be in the air. Starly was not participating because he did not have any long range attacks, but he did drop rocks for his teammates to use as targets. Max’s Pokemon did the same. Charmander launched a magnificent stream of flames which incinerated the rocks. The two Ralts used Confusion on the rocks and swung them around. Mudkip alternated between shooting a stream of crystal-clear water and shooting small clumps of mud at the rocks. Linoone was shooting Shadow Balls and Water Pulses. Shinx had gotten over excited and began shocking everyone with Discharge by accident. One stream of electricity hit Johnny and his egg. Johnny was enveloped in a yellow light as the electricity shocked him. He quickly looked at his egg, but saw nothing wrong with it, so he continued training.

On the tenth day, Mudkip was battling against Shinx when Mudkip began to glow all of a sudden. It grew and when the glowing stopped, he was a Marshtomp. He was taller and now stood on two legs instead of four. The fin on its head was larger and it had two more fins on its legs, one coming out of the back of each. His eyes were now orange. Johnny picked up and smiled. The day before the tournament started, Johnny and Max went to the stadium to sign up. They approached the front desk and were greeted by a red-haired woman in jeans and blouse. She accepted their passes, stamped them, and laminated them. Then, she gave them back to the teenagers and just like that Johnny and Max were ready for the tournament. They set up camp near the Pokemon Center and went to sleep early.

poke123
05-26-2008, 03:49 PM
Chapter 3: Finding Elekid

The next day, Johnny and Max were doing some last minute training about two hours before the tournament. They decided to have some lunch before they kept on training so they all sat down and began to eat. After they were done eating, Johnny made the mistake of opening Gligar’s Pokeball. From it emerged the purple, bat-like Pokemon and it began to attack everyone. Johnny’s Pokemon quickly managed to pin Gligar down. It struggled to break free, but Johnny’s Pokemon wouldn’t let Gligar go. Johnny scooped up his egg to see if Gligar had hurt it and when he did, it began to glow. Then, a small yellow Pokemon hatched from the egg. It had black stripes, a black thunderbolt on its chest and chubby forearms. It had two horns on its head that were shaped like the prongs of an electrical plug. Elekid just looked up at Johnny curiously, wondering who the person carrying him was. Gligar, having been excited by the glowing white light, jumped up and began attacking Elekid. Elekid was frightened and jumped out of Johnny’s arms. It began charging up electricity and then let it all loose. Electricity was shooting from Elekid in all directions and hit everyone. While everyone was getting back up, the scared Pokemon ran into the forest. Johnny looked around, but did not see his Elekid.

“Elekid!” Johnny yelled.

“Don’t worry, we’ll find him,” said Max reassuringly.

Johnny looked at his watch and saw that there was forty-five minutes until the tournament started.

“Max, you go ahead to the stadium and I’ll catch up as soon as I find Elekid,” said Johnny.

“Are you sure?” asked Max.

“Yes, I’m positive. Now go,” said Johnny as he returned his Pokemon to their Pokeballs.

He began to sprint towards the forest frantically searching for his lost baby Pokemon. He began searching the edge of the forest, but to no avail. Then, he decided to look in the forest. He searched for about fifteen minutes until he came across a pond. It was a wide pond filled with crystal, clear water. There were many water Pokemon frolicking in the lake. At the edge of the pond was a small mound of berries with a small scorch marks. The berries left a trail leading into some bushes. Johnny decided to follow it because it might lead to Elekid. When he reached the bushes, he pushed some branches aside and saw Elekid and another Pokemon fighting. Johnny’s small electric Pokemon was fighting a small, duck-like Pokemon. It was small, red and had a lumpy head. Its stubby tail was wiggling out of excitement. Magby was shooting little balls of fire at Elekid to keep him back. Elekid was hit by the Ember and fell on his back. Johnny quickly ran in front of Elekid and began to fight Magby. He wasn’t going to let anyone hurt his Pokemon. Johnny let Ralts out of her Pokeball. Ralts emerged and looked around. She was confused because she had been in an open field just a minute ago and now she was in a forest.

“Ralts, use Confusion!” Johnny ordered.

Ralts reached onto its head, moved around its pink bow until it was comfortable, and began to glow with a deep, blue aura. Then, Magby was surrounded by the same aura and was lifted up into the sky. Ralts began to slam it into nearby trees. When Ralts finally let go of Magby, he was so dizzy he could barely walk. He quickly shook it off, took a deep breath and began to spew smoke out of its mouth. The Smokescreen attack engulfed Ralts, Johnny and Elekid. Johnny began to cough because the smoke had gotten into his lungs. Magby began to use Ember again and Ralts was hit all over. Johnny couldn’t see anything that was happening, but when the smoke cleared Johnny began to smell burning flesh. He quickly looked at Ralts and saw that she had burns all over her body. Ralts looked back and reassured him that she was fine. Magby walked up to the Ralts and pointed at something to the right of Ralts, while Ralts looked in the direction Magby was pointing, Magby hit Ralts hard across the face with his fist. Ralts was knocked down. Magby had used Faint Attack. Johnny knew Ralts wouldn’t last much longer, so he had to finish the battle quickly. Magby looked like he was about to use Ember again so Johnny had to do something.

“Ralts, use Double Team!” shouted Johnny.

Ralts began to glow in a white light and soon there were five clones of Ralts next to the original. Magby stopped charging up his Ember and instead ran at the Ralts with his fist ablaze. He used Fire Punch on two of the Ralts, but they were just clones. He turned around and punched another clone with his flaming fist. There were three Ralts left standing. Magby shot small, red fireballs at the two Ralts on the right, leaving only the original. Magby set his fist on fire and ran at Ralts. Ralts began to shine in a rainbow of colors and disappeared just as Magby’s fist was about to make contact with Ralts’ face. The Magby, completely missing his target, stumbled and fell onto the floor face first. He got up and looked around for his opponent. Ralts reappeared a few feet away from Ralts.

“Ralts, finish this up with Hidden Power!” ordered Johnny.

Ralts closed his eyes and little, white balls of light began to surround him and spin around him. He opened his eyes and looked at Magby. The spheres stopped spinning and flew at Magby making a loud sound as they whizzed by Johnny. They all hit him at the same time sending him flying. Magby was surprised by Ralts’ power and fainted on the spot. Johnny took out a Pokeball and tossed it at Magby. It hit Magby’s stomach and sucked him into the small sphere. It began to wiggle, but Johnny didn’t care. He quickly turned around to pick up his Elekid.

Elekid had been sitting behind Johnny the whole time, eating some berries and enjoying the show. Elekid didn’t know why this human was protecting him, but he was thankful. Johnny reached his arms out to pick Elekid up, but Elekid jumped back. Elekid put up its fists and pointed at Ralts. Johnny was confused at first, but then understood that Elekid wanted to battle. Ralts came over, but Johnny returned her to her Pokeball.

“Good job,” he whispered to his Pokeball as he put it away.

Johnny looked at his watch and saw that he only had fifteen minutes left. If he didn’t hurry, he wasn’t going to make it to the tournament. He took out another Pokeball out of his pocket and threw it in front of Elekid. From it emerged a blue, mud fish Pokemon. It had an orange circle on its belly, a large fin on its head, and two fins coming from the back of its legs. It stood upright, unlike Mudkip, its preevolution, who stood on all fours.

“Marshtomp, use Mud Bomb!” shouted Johnny.

Marshtomp began to shoot small fist sized clumps of mud towards Elekid. Johnny was sure that this would make the battle quick. Elekid looked at the incoming clumps of mud and raised his hands. A small yellow screen materialized in front of his hands as Elekid laughed. The Light Screen blocked all of the clumps of mud. Elekid was just playing with Johnny. It didn’t know what it could do, so it was trying it out on Marshtomp. Elekid smiled and began to spin its arms like two windmills. The rapid movement of his arms created a Discharge, which engulfed Marshtomp. The attack had no effect on Marshtomp and he simply yawned.

“Marshtomp, use Water Gun!” exclaimed Johnny.

Marshtomp took a deep breath and launched a clear stream of water from his mouth. Elekid simply blocked it with Light Screen again. This time, Elekid was going to try another attack. He ran at Marshtomp with his fist crackling with electricity and punched Marshtomp in the stomach. Marshtomp just stood there, expecting nothing to happen. When Elekid’s fist collided with Marshtomp’s stomach, it knocked the wind out of Marshtomp. Marshtomp was caught completely off guard because he thought it wouldn’t hurt at all because it was an electric type attack. Marshtomp was grabbing his stomach on the floor. Elekid followed up with another Thunder Punch, which sent Marshtomp to the floor. Marshtomp got up and shot another Water Gun at Elekid, but Elekid simply moved to the side and began to spin his arms. Instead of bolts of electricity coming from them, small, golden stars emerged from Elekid’s windmill arms. They hit Marshtomp causing Marshtomp to stagger. Marshtomp was determined to win, so he launched another Mud Bomb followed by the strongest Water Gun he could muster. Elekid put up a Light Screen which blocked the first clumps of mud, but shattered from the last clumps. It left Elekid wide open and he was hit by the Water Gun, which knocked him back. Marshtomp then ran at Elekid and slammed into him using Take Down. While Elekid was on the floor, Marshtomp used another strong Water Gun at him, pushing Elekid back. Elekid stood up and began to swing his arms like a windmill again. Marshtomp decided he was going to finish this right then and there. He concentrated and began shooting a barrage of mud clumps at Elekid. Elekid couldn’t withstand the constant barrage of mud that Marshtomp was launching. He staggered a bit and fell to the floor. Marshtomp smiled and Johnny looked around in his pockets for an empty Pokeball.

“I hope I didn’t hurt him too much,” thought Johnny.

Johnny found a Pokeball and tossed it at the Elekid, which was sucked into the small, red and white ball. It began to shake once, twice, and then he remembered about Magby. He looked around and couldn’t find the Pokeball. He looked back down at where Elekid’s Pokeball had been, but it was no longer there. Marshtomp walked up to him and presented him with two Pokeballs.


OOC: btw, the Pokeballs that Marshtomp is holding could be empty ( but i hope they aren't :biggrin:)

Pokemon: Elekid and Magby
Category:2 Simples(Magby and Elekid 5-10K each) total 10-20K
# Words: 3.907
# of Characters with spaces: 17,453
# of Characters with no spaces: 21,314
Status: Ready to grade!

Phantom Kat
05-29-2008, 03:44 AM
Yeah, concert yesterday too most of my time, so I couldn't do it yesterday. ^^;

And most of my grade is me nitpicking because you've improved so much, all you need to take care of is the finer details that will make your story even better. ^^

Plot: So Walter is an official for the Jubilife Extravaganza but is having problems as multiple trainers want to show off to him. After a rather painful entrance, he sees John and Max battling, and when they finish, the ma invites them to the contest. As they going, though, John’s egg hatches into an Elekid, and Gligar chases away the hatchling. While Max goes out to the tournament, John chases Elekid and finds him battling a Magby. After two battles, he attempts to catch them both.

This was pretty good for the two Pokemon. At first, I thought the captures were going to happen during the tournament, but I was glad that it was more of a sidetracked mission. The whole with Gligar being a handful does add a touch of realism; it is true that not all trainers can control their Pokemon with ease and that not all Pokemon obediently follow their trainer’s orders. Overall, it was nice, and I didn’t lose interest in it once.

Something I would suggest to add to your story is more of the character’s inner thoughts, feelings and emotions. How did John and Max feel when they were invited to the tournament? How did John feel about the egg he held? What did John feel as he was searching for Elekid as he knew if he was late to the tournament, he would be disqualified? Incorporating these inner thoughts and feelings of your characters helps the story feel less dry, and it also helps us understands why characters did what.

Introduction: Hehe, I loved how you opened up. Since I didn’t remember what John or Max looked like, I thought the blonde-haired trainer was John. Glad to know I was proven wrong. The whole thing with Walter being chased by the mob of trainers was funny and how the official ended up where John and Max was funnier. I couldn’t see the surroundings in here, only the characters and their Pokemon. Just work on bring in your surroundings a bit more.

Grammar/Spelling: This was really good, I didn’t see any major mistakes; the mistakes you did make were just typos or something minor you are not aware of.

He looked around and saw that the mob was no where in sight.

“Nowhere” is one word.

“I need you to use a small Ember on it these passes again, Vulpix,” Walter said calmly.

I think I already mentioned this to you, but I’m not sure. Whenever one character addresses another, a comma is needed before the name of the character that is being addressed like how I corrected above.

Ralts reached onto its head, moved around its pink bow until it was comfortable, and began to glow with a deep, blue aura.

I’m pointing this out because something you referred to the Ralts as an “it”, “he”, and “she”, and it made confusing when I was reading the battle. O_O; Make sure you watch out for that because it CAN mess up the reader, especially when you have of the same kind like the Ralts siblings.

All the other mistakes were merely typos, so just make sure you proofread more carefully.

Length: No problems here, excellent job! ^^

Description/Detail: Gah, I just want to hug you because you improved a lot from your first story. ^^ This was a lot better than before, I had a good picture throughout the whole story. The Pokemon were described nicely and so were the characters. I would suggest incorporating more of your surroundings in your story: how the weather was like, how the grass felt beneath John’s feet, etc. I will just help liven up your story.

Also, I want to point out two things:

In the introduction, you describe the trainer as “blonde-haired” twice. Instead of saying he had blonde hair again, you can mention the color of his eyes, the style of clothes he wore, or something else. In addition, instead of using the character’s names or using words like “the man” throughout the whole story, you can spice it up with stuff like: “the husky adult”, “the raven-haired youth”, and stuff like that. It will make your story seems less dull.

Another thing is that now that you have a good description in your story, you can now concentrate on the small details. What I mean is that you can add to stuff you already have like this:

Magby hit Ralts hard across the face with his fist. Ralts was knocked down.

Above, I have a picture as to what the two Pokemon are doing. Now, you can add the small details like how Magby hit Ralts across the face and how Ralts was knocked down. BY adding the finer details you can add to something like this:

Magby grinned at the sight of him having the upper hand and balled his paw, heat immediately radiating off his fist. Rushing forward, small feet pounding on the dirt floor, he let his fist crash down onto the psychic’s right cheek. With her head snapping sharply to the left, she stepped back and stumbled on an upturned rock.

When you add details like these, it can totally transform your story, and since you have already have a good, solid description going on, I’m sure you’ll have no problem with this. =)

Battle: You know, you make it hard to critic. This was done very well, both battles were two-sided, and the attacks were well described. Like I said above, if you work on the finer details, this will improve ten-fold. Incorporating more of your surroundings in the battle can also help, and it will make things more interesting.

Outcome: Really, I had no doubt after I read the story: Elekid and Magby captured! This was nice read especially because I saw good improvement. Make sure you double check your grammar and add more of the characters’ feelings and inner thoughts in the story. Also, if you work on the fine details in your description, your story will be even better. Continue to write, and have fun with your new Pokemon! ^^

- Kat

poke123
05-29-2008, 02:17 PM
thanks a lot Rocio!

i'll try to describe things a bit better

thanks for the tips :biggrin:

poke123
06-15-2008, 05:51 AM
Here's my fourth story.
Its a continuation of the last one

CREDIT FOR THE SPRITES GOES TO MASTER_OF_MUNCH!

Pokemon: Nincada x2, Bronzor, Miltank
Category:2 Simples, 1 Medium, and 1 Hard(Nincadax2 5-10K each, Bronzor, 10-20K, Miltank 20-30K) total 40-70K
# Words: 17,027
# of Characters with spaces: 78,440
# of Characters with no spaces: 95,099
Status: Ready to grade!

btw the lines like this ---------------- mean that i'm switching points of view
and the lines aren't included in the character count

Here's the summary of the previous three stories:

Story 1: Johnny is a new trainer that just got to Sinnoh. He overhears a conversation between some people that a Charmander has been spotted. After this, a wild goose chases ensues and everyone is trying to catch Charmander. At the end, Johnny makes a new friend, Max, and catches the Charmander and a Starly who had been following him.

Story 2: Johnny decides to call his parents and tell them that he caught two Pokemon. His dad informs him that Johnny's uncle is going to visit him and wants Johnny to take care of a Pokemon Egg. On the way there, Max catches his first Pokemon. Johnny arrives at the docks and sees his uncle. He receives the egg and then a Gligar flies from the ship chasing the captain's Pokemon. After retrieving the captain's Pokemon, Johnny and Max head to Jubilife City, where Max catches a Machop along the way. Johnny then runs into the Gligar bullying two Ralts. Johnny quickly battles the Gligar and catches him. Then, he has to catch the two Ralts because they attack him. In the end he catches both Ralts.

Story 3: Johnny and Max are invited to a prestigious tournament. They train for a week before the tournament starts. The day of the tournament, Johnny's egg hatches and his newly hatched Elekid is frightened by his unruly Gligar. Johnny runs after his newly born Pokemon and finds him fighting a Magby. He ends up catching both Pokemon.




http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll268/swampert123/shinybluejeansgyaradosbnu0.pngTopsy-Turvy Tourneyhttp://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll268/swampert123/shinybluejeansgyaradosbdm3.png
Chapter 1: Early Disqualification?

The Jubilife Stadium was brimming with excitement. All the seats were filled with excited fans waiting to see battles between strong Pokemon trainers. Everyone was yelling for the tournament to start. The stadium was huge. It was painted white and decorated with posters of different Pokemon in fighting stances. The seats were separated in various sections. There was one section for each “elemental type”. The seats were in the shape of a Pokemon of that type. The arena had one large field in the middle. It was a grassy field, which could be switched to another grassy field, if the current one was damaged in any way.

In the middle of the stadium, a short, pudgy man was looking through some papers and shaking his head. He was wearing a black tuxedo and a top hat. His name was Alex. He had a pin on his tuxedo that looked like a Pokeball. He shuffled through the important documents and looked around the arena floor. There were many trainers talking to their Pokemon. Some trainers were explaining a strategy to their teammates and some were giving their team a pep-talk. There were supposed to be 128 trainers there, but according to his assistant they were missing a person. His timid, adolescent assistant had come up to him a few minutes ago and informed him of the missing entrant. Alex began to wonder what to do. The rules were that if someone wasn’t there when the tournament started, then that person would be disqualified. Alex sighed and put the microphone to his lips.

“Well folks, the moment you’ve all been waiting for-” Alex began to say as he was tapped on the shoulder.

Alex turned around and saw a teenager looking at him. The teenager had brown hair and was wearing jeans and a striped shirt. He had a Pokeball pin on his shirt meaning that he was part of the tournament. Alex raised his eyebrows at the teenager.

“Hi, my name is Max. I’m a participant in this tournament and so is my friend, Johnny. I think that’s who you’re looking for,” said Max.

The pudgy official put his hand over the microphone and began to talk to Max.

“How did you know that we were missing someone?” asked Alex.

“Well, Johnny’s my friend, and I’ve been traveling with him for a while. About an hour ago, his egg hatched and the Elekid inside of it ran away. He had to go find it. Can you please just wait until he gets back?” asked Max, hoping that the official would take pity on Johnny.

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Meanwhile, a black-haired teenager looked at his Marshtomp who had picked up his Pokeballs. Johnny took them out of Marshtomp’s hands and immediately knew that there were Pokemon in them. He let Elekid out and picked him up. Elekid smiled at his new trainer. The Pokeball with Magby inside of it glowed in a multi-colored light and disappeared.

“Huh?” said Johnny with a confused look on his face.

Just as he said that, his watch began to beep. He looked at the blue contraption on his wrist. It said that he had five minutes left until the tournament started. The stadium was ten minutes away. He would have to sprint to make it in time. Johnny put Elekid in his backpack, so he would be comfortable and began to run full-speed towards his destination.

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Back at the stadium, Max was in heated discussion with Alex.

“Listen, rules are rules and the rules clearly state that if a competitor is not here then they are disqualified. There’s nothing I can do,” said Alex.

“But if you could give him five more minutes,” pleaded Max.

“I’m sorry, but my decision is final,” said Alex sternly.

He turned around and took his hand off his microphone. He pressed the microphone to his lips again and began to speak to the elated audience.

“Ladies and gentleman, I am proud to say that the Jubilife City Tournament is officially-” said Alex as he was interrupted by the dark-haired teenager from behind him.

“Wait! He’s here! He’s here!” yelled Max, pointing towards a tunnel that connected the arena and the outside of the stadium.

Alex stopped talking and looked at the tunnel. He heard a faint yell from one of the tunnels that led from the arena to the outside of the stadium. There was a black haired teenager with a backpack and what looked like a yellow power plug sticking out of his backpack.

“Wait for me!” yelled Johnny, as his shoes pounded on the dirt.

He ran until he was next to the official.

“Sorry, I’m late,” said Johnny in between breaths, “I had to find my Pokemon. Can I still be part of the tournament?”

“I’m sorry, but you’re late. The tournament has already begun. You can’t be in it,” said the stout official.

“Actually, you never said that the tournament had officially begun,” chimed Max.

“Well, I guess so. Go get a pin from my assistant over there,” said Alex.

Johnny nodded and walked up to a shy teenager about the same age as him. The assistant gave him a pin and a card. The assistant explained to him that the pin identified him as a participant and the card kept track of his progress in the tournament. He also told him that participants were allowed to stay the night in rooms specially designated for people participating in the tournament. Johnny walked over to Max and thanked him for the help. Max asked him about the Elekid and Johnny told him about what had happened. Johnny asked him if he knew why his Pokeball had disappeared. Max explained that when a trainer had more than six Pokeballs, any Pokemon caught after that are transported to Professor Birch and since Johnny had taken Elekid out of his Pokeball, then he wasn’t going to be transported to Professor Birch’s lab. Johnny grabbed his backpack and carefully took out his power plug Pokemon. It smiled and shot out small, yellow sparks out of excitement. Elekid had black stripes all over its body which stuck out when Elekid was shooting off small sparks. Max smiled at the small, electric Pokemon. Then, Alex’s voice boomed through the stadium.

“Now, without further ado, I declare that this tournament has officially started!” exclaimed Alex to the excited crowd, “Trainers, look on the giant screen behind me and look for your match ups. It will be one battle at a time, one Pokemon each.”

The giant screen lit up and 128 small squares appeared. Inside of each, there were pictures of each of the contestants. The pictures began to shuffle around and each picture paired up with another, making sixty-four pairs.

poke123
06-15-2008, 05:52 AM
Chapter 2: It Begins

After a few minutes, the first pair got larger and covered the entire screen. It was Johnny against a blond-haired girl. All the other participants cleared out of the arena and sat on benches that decorated the outer edge of the arena. Johnny stepped up to one side of the field. The light-haired girl stepped up to her side. A red-haired referee looked at both and nodded.

“On my left side, Johnny Rodriguez from Petalburg City and on my right side, Janie Hudson from Jubilife City! Now, each of you can only use one Pokemon,” announced the referee.

Johnny began to think of who he was going to use. He couldn’t use Marshtomp or his female Ralts. His female Ralts was covered in burns and his Marshtomp was tired. He decided he was going to use his fiery lizard. He released his orange lizard Pokemon. He was looked like a lizard that stood on its hind legs. It had a tail, which had a small flame at the end of it. Charmander shot a small flame in the air and clenched his fists. He was ready for battle. The fair-haired girl threw her Pokeball in the air and released a small insect. It had big red eyes that looked like a fly’s eyes and it was covered in purple fur. It had two antennae and a pincer-like mouth. Venonat stood there, completely still.

“Let the battle begin!” yelled the referee.

Venonat was the first to make a move. The purple Pokemon’s eyes began to glow in a deep crimson color and a rainbow colored beam shot out of his eyes.

“Charmander, dodge!” yelled the dark-haired trainer.

The orange lizard jumped to the side. He took a deep breath and began to launch small balls of fire. The Ember attack completely covered the insect Pokemon. He trembled from the force of the attack, but quickly shook it off.

“Venonat, use Signal Beam!” ordered Venonat’s trainer.

Both of the insect Pokemon’s antennae began to glow with a white light. Then a pink, light blue, and yellow beam of light shot out. Charmander tried to move out of the way, but the beam hit Charmander in the face, pushing him back a few feet. Charmander blinked his eyes a few times, and then shook his head.

“Are you ok, Charmander?” asked Johnny.

Charmander nodded.

“Ok, then use Flamethrower,” said Johnny.

Charmander blinked a few more times, then fired a Flamethrower at what he thought was Venonat. Unfortunately, Charmander was confused and he was shooting a powerful flame attack at the referee. The red-haired referee jumped to the floor to dodge the Flamethrower.

“Charmander, snap out of it!” yelled Johnny.

Venonat took advantage of Charmander’s ailment and attacked him. The purple Pokemon’s eyes began to glow light blue. Then, the little lizard was covered in the same blue light. He was lifted up into the sky and was then slammed into the ground. Charmander lay on the floor and was breathing in small, short breaths. He stood up and took a deep breath. Venonat charged at the weakened lizard, baring its fangs. Its fangs were glowing in an intoxicating purple color. Charmander was too weak to move, so the purple insect sunk its fangs into Charmander’s arm. Charmander yelped out in pain. He pushed Venonat off. Charmander was tired of this and took a deep breath. A fire began welling up in his body and after a few seconds he let it loose on Venonat. The orange and yellow tongues of flame erupted out of Charmander’s jaw. The flame completely engulfed the small insect. The faint smell of burning fur covered the arena floor. When the smoke cleared, Venonat was fainted on the floor.

The referee lifted a green flag that he was holding in his left hand.

“Venonat is unable to battle. Johnny Rodriguez is the winner!” announced the referee.

The whole crowd roared in excitement. Johnny picked up his Charmander and thanked him for a good battle.

“Good battle,” Johnny said to his opponent.

“Same to you,” said the girl.

Johnny walked through a tunnel behind him that led to the outside. He walked to the Pokemon Center. It was only a five minute walk. He entered the healing center and gave the pink-haired nurse his Pokemon. He also reached into his backpack and gave her his Elekid. He sat down on the sofa and drifted off into a deep sleep. Johnny awoke after a two hour nap. He stretched his arms just as the nurse approached him with his Pokemon.

“Here you go. I was wondering why you had seven Pokemon with you, and then I realized that your Elekid was in the egg that you were carrying the other day. Oh, and a Professor Birch called the Pokemon Center and asked for you. He was wondering why you had seven Pokemon with you. I explained the egg situation to him and he seemed happy for you. He told me to tell you that your parents are taking care of the Pokemon you caught today,” said Nurse Joy.

“Wow, thanks. So, how were Ralts’ burns?” asked the trainer.

“They weren’t that severe and I treated them very easily. You should let her rest for a day before she battles again,” suggested the pink-haired girl.

“Ok, thanks for the advice,” said Johnny, “Well, I gotta go. Thanks again!”

“Wait! Can I ask you a question?” asked Nurse Joy.

“Yea sure,” Johnny said as he stopped.

“Have you seen any shady people lately?” asked the nurse.

“No, why do you ask?” questioned the confused teenager.

“Well, this time of year, some gangs induct members into their ranks. When they do that, they usually have the inductee to do something criminal. So, please be careful,” said Nurse Joy with a worried look on her face.

“Ok, thanks for the advice,” said Johnny as he started to walk again.

Johnny walked out of the small Center and began walking back to the stadium. An idea popped into his head and he decided to kill some time before going to the stadium. He walked into the open field next to the Pokemon Center. He played and trained with his Pokemon for three hours. He looked at his watch and decided he would walk back to the stadium. As Johnny walked into the water Pokemon section of the stands, he saw that a battle had just finished just as he was sitting in a seat in the shape of a starfish.

“Poochyena is unable to battle. The winner is Maximillien Banks!” announced the referee.

Max began to walk through the tunnel. Johnny quickly made his way to the tunnel to congratulate his friend. Johnny walked up to Max and began to talk to him.

“Maximillien?” chuckled Johnny.

“Shut up! The name’s Max,” grunted the brown-haired boy.

“Not according to the ref,” responded Johnny wittily.

“Well the ref’s stupid,” said Max.

“Anyway, how did the battle go?” asked Johnny.

“It was a cinch. I won with two attacks,” said Max smugly.

“How many battles are left in this round?” inquired Johnny.

“I think I was the last one. We should get to the arena floor, since we won. Alex said he had an announcement,” said Max as he began to walk towards the arena floor.

poke123
06-15-2008, 06:00 AM
Chapter 3: Moving on up

Johnny and Max walked onto the arena floor along with sixty-two other participants. A man in a tuxedo walked onto the floor. He pulled out a microphone and began to speak into it.

“Well, this first round has certainly been exciting. We’ve seen some exciting battles today. I hope to see some more of this in the following rounds. Well, now that this round is over, let’s look at the screen and see the match ups. Now this round is different. The remaining sixty-four people will be separated into eight groups of eight participants each. You will each battle every person in your group once. A win is three points, a tie is one point and a loss is zero points. The top four from each group will proceed to the next round. This round will be 2 vs. 2. Switching will be allowed. Now let the shuffling begin!” announced the sharp-dressed announcer.

The screen blinked to life and sixty four images appeared on the screen. They were shuffled and were separated into eight groups. Johnny and Max were put in the same group. They both smiled at the sight of this. The first battle was between two girls, so everyone cleared out. Johnny and Max walked to the front desk in the lobby and gave the secretary their cards. She scanned them on the computer and returned them. She informed them that they would be battling each other tomorrow. They both went their separate ways to train for their battle. As Johnny was heading outside, he bumped into a girl and they both dropped their cards. He bent over to pick it up and saw the brown-haired girl. They looked into each other’s eyes for a second then got up and went on their way. Johnny knew he had seen her before, but he couldn’t quite remember where. After a while, it hit him. She was the girl he had seen in the Jubilife Pokemon Center. She seemed trouble today. He wondered what was wrong, but shrugged it off and went off to train.

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Meanwhile, Rocio was walking through the lobby of the Jubilife Stadium. The long-haired girl had bumped into a boy, whom she vaguely remembered. She had seen him somewhere before, but as to where escaped her. She shook it off and kept walking. She was in a hurry to meet someone. Finally, she emerged through the side-door of the lobby and walked into a damp, dark alley. It smelled like rotting meat. She covered her nose in disgust and looked around. She didn’t see anyone. All of a sudden, five men emerged from the shadows. They were all mildly built and were wearing jeans, a white shirt, and a black leather jacket. The jackets had a red dragon logo on their backs. The dragon was a Gyrados. The person in the middle was bulkier and seemed like the leader. He stepped forward.

“What do you want?” asked the leader aggressively.

“I just came to tell you that I won my first battle,” responded Rocio, not afraid of the thugs.

“Well, you better win the tournament or else you’ll never get into the Red Gyrados Gang,” said the leader angrily.

“Why do you want me to win so much?” inquired the girl.

“Because I want the prize, remember?” responded the gang leader.

“What’s the prize, Sam?” asked the brown-haired girl.

“That’s on a need to know basis and you don’t need to know. So just go get me that prize if you want to join our gang,” said Sam, the leader.

Rocio turned around and walked out of the dark alley. She reached a lush, green field and sat down. A Pokemon popped out of one of her Pokeballs. A small, orange monkey was looking up at her. He was wondering what was wrong with his trainer. He jumped onto Rocio’s shoulder and began tickling her neck. Rocio began giggling and grabbed her little Chimchar. She held him in her arms and looked at him.

“You always know how to cheer me up Jackie,” said Rocio with a smile.

“I hope we win the tournament. It’s the only way I’ll get into the gang,” Rocio thought.

She placed Chimchar next to her and they both laid back and looked at the clouds. They drifted off to sleep, wondering how their next battle would go.

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poke123
06-15-2008, 06:00 AM
Chapter 4: Friendly Rivalry

Johnny walked into the arena, excited and ready for his next battle. He was certain he was going to win. He had battled Max before and had won. There was no doubt in his mind that he would succeed. Max walked into the arena in a tunnel opposite from Johnny. Max and Johnny walked to the opposite edges of the field and looked at each other with a smile. They were ready to battle each other. The sky was clear, not a cloud in the sky. It was perfect weather for battling. The referee, a different one from before, looked at both participants and began to talk.

“On my left, Johnny Rodriguez from Petalburg City and on my right side, Maximillien Banks from Little Root Town! Now, each of you can only use two Pokemon,” announced the black-haired referee.

Both trainers got out a Pokeball and nodded at the referee.

“Let the battle begin!” yelled the referee.

Johnny and Max threw their Pokeballs into the air, revealing their Pokemon. A small, brown bird emerged from Johnny’s Pokeball and a gray human-like Pokemon emerged from Max’s Pokeball.

Starly soared into the open and welcoming sky and began circling Machop. Machop stepped onto the lush, green field. The grass tickled the bottom of his feet. Starly dove down towards the muscular Pokemon and leaving a trail of white light behind him. Starly’s body collided with Machop’s body. Machop was knocked onto its back by the force of the Quick Attack. Machop quickly jumped up and looked around for his opponent. Starly had already flown back into the sky and was just watching Machop. Starly dove down for another Quick Attack, but Machop was ready. He side-stepped and used a Karate Chop on the small bird’s back. Machop’s hand slammed into the little bird’s back. Starly lost control and collided with the floor, digging up some of the grass. The Starly slowly got up and began flapping its wings. It soared into the sky and had a determined look on its face. All of a sudden, Starly began to glow in a white light and was soon accompanied by six Starly decoys. He had used Double Team. All seven Starlys began flying towards the gray Pokemon with their wings glowing. Machop put his hands out in front of him, concentrated, and a ball of light blue energy formed between Machop’s hands. It began to slowly grow bigger as the Starlys got closer. As soon as the Starlys were within range, Machop let loose his Focus Blast. The innocent ball of light blue light became a destructive beam of power. It seemingly engulfed all of the Starlys. Machop grinned at his apparently easy success. Suddenly, a Starly emerged from behind the clones that were disintegrated by the Focus Blast. His underside had been singed by the attack, but Starly pressed on. Starly rammed his glowing wings into the Superpower Pokemon. Machop’s breath was knocked out of him and he clutched his stomach. Starly then flew at Machop again, this time his wings glowing a different shade of white. He began swinging his wings at Machop, knocking him out.

“Machop is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the referee.

Max threw a Pokeball in the air and released his badger Pokemon.

“Maximillien chooses Linoone. Linoone versus Starly, begin!” announced the referee.

Linoone wasted no time. He began charging up a ball of dark energy in its mouth and launched the Shadow Ball at the bird. Starly tried to dodge, but was caught off guard and it hit him in the face. The attack sent Starly plummeting to the floor. Linoone charged up another attack and blasted Starly with it as soon as it impacted with the floor. Starly was pushed towards Johnny as a result of the attack. Starly had fainted.

“Starly is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the referee.

Johnny returned his Starly and threw his next Pokeball in the air, and his mudfish Pokemon emerged from the Pokeball.

“Johnny chooses Marshtomp. Linoone versus Marshtomp, begin!” declared the dark-haired youth.

Linoone charged up a ball of dark energy and shot it at Marshtomp. Marshtomp jumped over the dark energy ball and began shooting clumps of mud at the badger. Linoone dodged some of them, but a couple of clumps collided with his body, leaving clumps of mud stuck to his fur. Linoone reacted by charging at the mudfish. Linoone slammed his head against Marshtomp’s stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Then, his claws began to glow and he used Fury Swipes. He began to slash at Marshtomp again and again. As he did this, Marshtomp was glowing in a white light. Marshtomp took all the attacks with a determined face. Linoone stepped back and shot a Shadow Ball at Marshtomp. Marshtomp was hit by this attack and he was pushed back. Then, Marshtomp clenched his fists and unleashed the Bide he was storing. Beams of light erupted from the mudfish’s body. Most of them hit his opponent. Linoone was trembling because the attack had hurt him a lot. Marshtomp took a deep breath and shot a stream of water at Linoone. Linoone quickly dodged and looked at his trainer for help. Max nodded.

“Time for out secret weapon Linoone,” said Max.

Marshtomp began charging at Linoone to hit him with a Tackle. As he did this, Linoone’s eyes began to glow in a deep green color. Then some pieces of grass glowed green and tied themselves together. The knots caught onto Marshtomp’s feet, unbalanced him, and knocked him down. The glowing pieces of grass then began to strike Marshtomp like whips. Johnny didn’t realize this until it was too late. Marshtomp was too weak to get up. Linoone took advantage of this and attacked. Linoone’s claws began to glow white and they grew a few inches longer. He ran at Marshtomp and his claws slashed across Marshtomp’s skin, while he was trying to get up. Marshtomp flinched and then collapsed.

“Marshtomp is unable to battle! Maximillien wins the battle!” yelled the dark-haired referee holding up his red flag in his right hand.

Johnny returned his Pokemon to his Pokeball and his head hung low. He walked out of the stadium, disappointed in himself.

“How could I lose?” wondered Johnny.

He was about to continue walking all the way to the Pokemon Center when he felt someone grab his shoulder. He turned around and saw Max.

“Awesome battle dude!” exclaimed Max.

“Thanks,” responded Johnny with a sigh.

“Hey, you win some, you lose some man. Don’t let one loss bring you down. Just train and you’ll do better next time,” said Max.

“I guess so. By the way those two attacks, Focus Blast and Grass Knot, were amazing!” praised Johnny.

“I taught them those moves just for this battle. I knew we would have to battle sometime, so I made sure I was ready,” said Max.

“I’m so relieved that the battle is over. I was panicking about it the whole time. If it weren’t for Grass Knot, I would’ve been a goner,” thought Max.

“Cool. You want to go see some more battles after we heal our Pokemon?” asked Johnny.

“Definitely,” said Max as they both walked to the Pokemon Center.

“I’ll beat you next time,” thought Johnny.

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poke123
06-15-2008, 06:02 AM
Chapter 5: Thinking about Life

Rocio walked out of the stadium after another victory. She was sure she was going to win this tournament. Jackie was on her shoulder, with his head held high. He had single-handedly won the battle.

“What should we do know Jackie?” Rocio asked.

“Chim, Chim,” said Chimchar pointing at his mouth.

“Jackie, you’re always hungry,” chuckled Rocio as she took out some Pokemon food from her backpack and put it in a bowl.

She sat down on a bench and put the bowl next to her. Chimchar jumped of her shoulder and began to scarf down the food.

“Sometimes, I wonder where you got these manners from,” muttered Rocio under her breath with a smile on her face.

Rocio began scratching her little primate’s head as he ate. Suddenly, something in the pocket of her jeans began vibrating. She rummaged through her pocket and pulled out a little, silver cell phone. She pressed the phone against to her ear and listened to the person on the other end. She didn’t say anything, she simply nodded. After the other person stopped talking, she put down her cell phone, pressed the End Call button and put it back into her pocket. Jackie looked up at his trainer and wondered who had called Rocio. She usually told Chimchar everything, but Rocio was silent. She was still stroking Chimchar’s head, but her mind was somewhere else.

“Why exactly am I so desperate to join this gang? Is it because I don’t have anyone in the world?” Rocio wondered.

Chimchar looked at his trainer, wondering why his trainer wanted to be in a gang where the people were mean and intimidating.

Rocio looked at her little, orange monkey. He was puzzled as to why she wanted to be in the gang.

“I guess I should tell you why I want to be in the gang,” sighed Rocio.

Chimchar looked at Rocio and wondered what her trainer was going to reveal to him.

“You remember the day I caught you right?” asked Rocio.

Chimchar eagerly nodded.

“Well, earlier that day I had gotten into trouble. You see, I was really mischievous back then. I got into trouble all the time, just for the fun of it. Then, I got caught by a police officer. She decided not to charge me with anything, but drove me to my house. What happened when I arrived is what changed me…” Rocio trailed off.

She stopped talking and looked into the distance. Whenever she began to remember that day, she felt immense sadness.
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poke123
06-15-2008, 06:03 AM
Chapter 6: An Old Friend

Johnny and Max walked back into the lobby after having healed their Pokemon. They looked around and saw that there was a large screen on the wall, showing the current battle. It was a battle between a moth-like Pokemon and a praying mantis-like Pokemon. Scyther triumphed over Mothim by slashing her opponent swiftly. Then, the screen flickered back to a giant board. Eight groups were visible. All the participants were listed and had a number next to them. These numbers were determined by the wins, losses or draws of the competitors. Johnny’s name had a glaring zero next to it that seemed to mock him. Max’s name had a three next to it, proof of his victory over Johnny.

“Johnny? Max? Is that you?” asked a familiar voice.

The teenagers turned around and saw a man in his forties in a sailor suit. He was sort of chubby and had a buzz cut.

“Clayton?” said confused teenagers.

“Hey guys,” said the sailor with a wide smile.

He walked over to them and motioned for them to follow him. They walked through a lobby until they reached a glass door that led to another room. There was a crystal clear pool in front of them. It was Olympic-sized. Clayton took six Pokeballs out of his knapsack and threw them into the air. Six aquatic Pokemon emerged from the Pokeballs and dove into the water. The six aquatic Pokemon stuck their heads out of the water. Johnny and Max’s jaws dropped.

“Oh, these are the Pokemon I have. Two of them are mine and four of them belong to my friend. You see it all started the last time I saw you guys. Remember how your uncle gave me that Pokeball? Well, right after that I went to the beach and I looked for Pokemon. Unfortunately, the only Pokemon I found was a Krabby, but I couldn’t catch it. It was kind of hard since I didn’t have any Pokemon to fight it with. I went back the next day and found a flock of Wingull gathered around something. I got closer and saw that it was a Staryu. They were pecking at the poor starfish. I quickly shooed them away and picked up the Staryu. The Wingull weren’t too happy and they began to peck at me. One of them even pecked at the necklace my dad gave me when I was little. They flew away eventually. The Staryu looked like it had washed up on the beach by accident. I tried to help it get back to the ocean, but it wouldn’t go. It wanted to stay with me. Suddenly, the necklace that my dad gave me, which was a Pokeball tied to a string, fell onto Staryu capturing it. To tell you the truth, that was one of the happiest moments of my life. As I was about to head home, a Pelipper began attacking me. It was the leader of the pack. She began pecking at me as I tried to run away from it. Staryu jumped out of its Pokeball and came to my rescue. He used some really strong attacks and quickly knocked Pelipper out. It was like being with me gave Staryu confidence. I tossed a Pokeball at the fainted bird and I caught her. Then, I trained with the two Pokemon for a couple of days.

After that I decided to go into town. There, I saw an old friend. He was also a sailor. He told me that he had been chosen to be in a tournament, but he would have to miss it because something came up. Most of his Pokemon were looking forward to participating, but were disappointed by the news. Then, he came up with an idea. He gave me four of his Pokemon and told me to enter for him. His other two Pokemon wanted to stay with him, but the other four wanted to participate and agreed to stay with me. So, I registered a few days ago. Then, I trained with the Pokemon rigorously,” explained Clayton.

“Wow,” said Max.

“Yea, so anyway, these two Pokemon are mine,” Clayton said pointing at the pelican and starfish poking their heads out of the water.

“That’s pretty cool, congratulations,” said Johnny.

“And the Corsola, Golduck, Croconaw, and Vaporeon are my friend’s,” said Clayton pointing at the other four Pokemon in the water.

“Those are some pretty cool Pokemon,” said both teenagers.

Johnny and Max looked at the Pokemon. There was a pink coral-like Pokemon; it had a white underbelly. There was also a big, blue duck Pokemon; it had a red gem on its forehead. Next to the duck was a blue crocodile Pokemon; it had a red ridge going down its back and a spotted belly. The last Pokemon was a blue dog-like Pokemon. He had webbing around its neck, like a mane. Its tail was a fin, which helped it swim swiftly. All the water Pokemon were swimming around happily. All of a sudden, Johnny’s blue Poketch flickered to life and began beeping. The black-haired teen looked at his Poketch and then looked at his friends.

“Listen, my battle’s in five minutes. So, I have to go. I’ll see you later,” said Johnny as he ran off to the arena floor.

Ten minutes later, Johnny was walking back to the pool. The battle had been tough, but Johnny won. Johnny’s first choice in the battle had been Charmander, who triumphed over his opponent’s Poocheyna. Then, the opposing Butterfree put Charmander to sleep, making him unable to battle. Johnny then chose Starly. His Starly prevailed over his opponent’s Butterfree. The bird Pokemon and the butterfly Pokemon had an intense aerial battle, but Starly’s speed gave him the upper-edge. In the end, Butterfree fell to Starly’s Wing Attack. He opened the door to the pool and saw that Clayton and Max were still talking. They heard him enter and turned to him.

“How’d it go?” asked Clayton.

“Starly took care of it,” said Johnny with a smile, “So when do you guys battle?”

“My battle is in an hour,” said Clayton.

“My battle is in an hour too,” said Max.

They both looked at each other with a puzzled look on their faces.

“So does that mean we’re facing each other?” asked Max.

“Well, I’m going to go to the front desk and see who I’m going against next. You guys want to come with me? You can check who you’re going to battle today and tomorrow,” said Johnny.

“Sure,” said Clayton and Max.

They walked into the lobby and looked at the screen. Max and Clayton confirmed their belief. They were going to battle each other in an hour. Then, the checked the schedule for the next day. Max was up against a blond-haired boy. Johnny searched his group for his match-up. He finally found it and saw that he was up against Clayton.

“I guess I’m up against you tomorrow,” chuckled Clayton.

“Don’t expect me to go easy on you,” said Johnny.

“Don’t expect to win Johnny; you either Max,” said Clayton, “I’m going to go back to the pool, but I’ll see you guys later.”

Max walked to the fields so he could train and Johnny walked around the lobby, wondering what he could do to kill time. He decided he’d take his Pokemon to see the city.

The next day, Johnny was about to walk into the stadium ready for his battle which began in exactly ten minutes.

“Johnny!” yelled Max from across the lobby.

Johnny turned to see Max and then approached him. Johnny sat next to him and saw that Linoone was out of his Pokeball and was playing with a little ball.

“So, how’d your battle against Clayton go yesterday?” inquired Johnny.

“It was going great at first, but then it went south. You see it was my Linoone against his Pelipper. It was evenly matched, until Pelipper used Steel Wing and fainted Linoone. Then, I used Shinx, which fainted Pelipper in one attack. Clayton chose Staryu. Shinx tried to beat Staryu, but Staryu made quick work of Shinx. When’s your battle?” asked Max.

“Right now as a matter of fact,” said Johnny as he began walking to the arena.

Johnny walked through the dark tunnel. The sun’s rays temporarily blinded him as he emerged from the entrance. He saw that Clayton was already waiting for him. Johnny walked to his side of the field and nodded at the referee.

poke123
06-15-2008, 06:05 AM
Chapter 7: Battling in the Second Round

“On my left, Johnny Rodriguez from Petalburg City and on my right side, Clayton Smith from Olivine City! Now, each of you can only use two Pokemon,” announced the blond referee.

Both trainers got out a Pokeball and nodded at the referee.

“Let the battle begin!” yelled the referee.

Johnny tossed out a Pokeball and a short, white Pokemon emerged from it. It had a green helmet-like thing on its head with a red horn sticking out of the front of it. This Ralts was the male one. Johnny chose him because this Ralts had a different strategy and a few different moves then his sister. Clayton’s Pokeball revealed a tan starfish Pokemon. It had a gold formation in the center. It had a red jewel in the center of it. It would be a battle of Psychic Pokemon.

“Staryu, use Water Gun!” ordered the sailor.

The starfish Pokemon bent its top point forward and began water shot out of the tip of it. Ralts began to glow and disappeared. A second later, he appeared a few feet away, out of harm’s way. Then, Ralts began glowing with a blue aura. Staryu was suddenly surrounded by the same blue aura. The starfish was lifted into the sky and slammed into the ground with full force. Staryu stood up, shook the blades of grass off of its body, and directed its top point at Ralts, shooting a stream of ice cold water at Ralts. The water hit Ralts in the face pushing him back. Ralts wiped the droplets of water off of his face and put on a serious face. He closed his eyes, clenched his fists, and concentrated. Green leaves appeared all around him, suspended in mid-air. Then, with a flick of his wrist, the leaves propelled towards Staryu. The starfish used Confusion to block some of the leaves, but the majority slashed into its skin. Staryu’s red gem began flashing, signaling that it was feeling fatigue. The starfish Pokemon’s body began to glow with a light blue aura and soon that same aura surrounded its opponent. Ralts was steadily lifted into the air. The small, white Pokemon would not stand for this. He began to concentrate again and this time, his horns glowed a deep, blue color. Suddenly, Staryu was lifted into the air and slammed into the ground multiple times, kicking up dust. Staryu released its grip on Ralts and the white Psychic Pokemon fell to the floor. The starfish lay on the floor, motionless.

“Staryu is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the referee.

Clayton returned his water Pokemon and threw a different Pokeball in the air and released his blue duck Pokemon.

“Clayton chooses Golduck. Golduck versus Ralts, begin!” announced the referee.

The blue duck had long arms and long legs. She had a long tail and a red gem on her forehead. Her forehead gem began to glow and she launched her opponent into the air. Then she formed a light-blue glowing sphere in front of her beak and launched it, hitting Ralts in midair. The sphere exploded with water upon contact.

“Ralts is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the referee.

Johnny returned his Ralts and began to think of who to use. This was going to be a tough decision. All of a sudden, his backpack felt lighter. He turned around and saw that Elekid had gotten out of his backpack and jumped down. Elekid waddled to the field and stood in front of Johnny.

“Johnny chooses Elekid. Golduck versus Elekid, begin!” declared the blond youth.

“Wait, I didn’t choose him. Let me pick another Pokemon. He’s just a baby,” pleaded Johnny.

“I’m sorry, but he’s on the field and I already said he’s in battle,” said the referee discreetly.

Elekid turned to face his trainer and gave him a thumbs-up. This made Johnny more nervous. He didn’t want his newly hatched Pokemon to fight.

“Golduck, use Hydro Pump,” said Clayton calmly.

The blue duck opened its yellow beak and a stream of spiraling water erupted from it. Elekid just giggled and put up its hands. Just as the Hydro Pump was about to reach him, a yellow, crystalline screen appeared between his hands, protecting him from harm. Elekid then grinned and he began to charge up energy. Sparks flew across his body, waiting to be released. Then, he began spinning his arms like a windmill, letting loose all of his energy. The electricity shot out in all directions. The yellow energy engulfed Golduck and for a second she couldn’t move. Elekid stopped spinning his arms and began to clap his hands with joy. Then, he spun his arms around again this time sending small, golden stars, which glimmered in the radiant sun, flying at Golduck. Golduck stopped them all in mid-air using his psychic powers and sent them right back at the little power plug Pokemon. Elekid was pummeled with stars and flinched.

“Elekid!” yelled Johnny, worried that his Pokemon was getting hurt.

Elekid shook it off and ran at Golduck while he balled his fist. His fist was crackling with electricity. His fist slammed across her face, snapping her neck sharply to the right. She stumbled and was sent to the floor face first. Golduck struggled to get up, but quickly leaped to its feet. Its claws began to glow white and it began scratching Elekid with her claws. Elekid jumped back and began spinning its arms. This time, it spun its arms twice as fast, producing a small gust of wind as a byproduct. Tiny sparks began flying off of his arms, as if it were a warning of the strong attack to come. The electricity produced by his arms this time was stronger than the last one. Elekid began yelling and released the electricity. Jagged, white bolts of electricity shot out of Elekid’s arms. Golduck was hit by most of the bolts of electricity. Golduck wobbled around, and then fell on the floor.

“Golduck is unable to battle! Johnny wins the battle!” yelled the blond referee holding up his green flag in his left hand.

Johnny just stood there, his mouth wide open. He couldn’t believe how strong his Elekid was. Johnny ran onto the field and picked Elekid up and held him in the air.

“Way to go Elekid!” exclaimed Johnny.

“Congrats Johnny, it was a good battle,” said Clayton extending his hand.

Johnny shook his hand.

“I’m going to go heal my Pokemon. Want to come along?” asked Clayton.

“Sure,” said Johnny as they both walked through the tunnel.

The next day Johnny was back in the arena ready for another battle. He was facing a black-haired girl. She seemed really quiet. She just looked at the referee, simply nodding that she was ready to battle.

“On my left, Johnny Rodriguez from Petalburg City and on my right side, Howl Mitoka from Mauville City! Now, each of you can only use two Pokemon,” announced the referee.

Both trainers got out a Pokeball and nodded at the referee.

“Let the battle begin!” yelled the referee.

Johnny threw a Pokeball and from it emerged his mudfish Pokemon. A white fox emerged from Howl’s Pokeball. The white fox had nine tails, which were orange at the tip. She had thick, luxurious fur. She also had a fluffy crest on her head.

Marshtomp opened its mouth and began to shoot clumps of mud. Ninetales didn’t even move, she just opened her mouth and energy began to gather in front of her mouth, which formed a green energy sphere. She launched the Energy Ball at Marshtomp, destroying most of the Mud Shot in the process. Marshtomp tried to dodge, but was hit in the stomach. Marshtomp’s breath was knocked out of him. He tried to attack Ninetales, but it was already firing its next attack. She was building up heat deep in her body. Then, she released it as vortex of fire, completely engulfing Marshtomp in the blazing inferno. Marshtomp began to panic and attack the vortex with Water Gun and Mud Shot to no avail. Finally, Marshtomp just jumped through the vortex and it dissipated. Marshtomp wasn’t too hurt, but he had burn marks all over his body. Marshtomp began shooting a flurry of Mud Shots and Water Guns at the Ninetales while he was charging at her. Ninetales was caught off guard and got hit by all of the attacks. When Marshtomp was in range, he slammed into the fox’s body. Ninetales, dazed by the attack, tried to get up, but ended up collapsing.

“Ninetales is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the referee.

Howl returned her Pokemon and threw another one onto the field. From the Pokeball emerged a giant dog-like Pokemon. He was orange with black stripes and had various tufts of tan hair. He let out a big roar and got ready for battle.

“Howl chooses Arcanine. Arcanine versus Marshtomp, begin!” declared the youth.

Arcanine began dashing towards the blue mudfish. White streaks of light surrounded him as he ran across the field and slammed into Marshtomp. Then, Arcanine began breathing fire out of his mouth and began spinning like a wheel. The blazing wheel of fire crashed into the mudfish, sending him flying across the field. Marshtomp fainted upon impact.

“Marshtomp is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the referee.

Johnny returned his Marshtomp and threw another Pokeball and from it emerged a small, brown bird.

“Johnny chooses Starly. Arcanine versus Starly, begin!” declared the official.

Starly quickly dashed at the big dog, leaving a white streak behind it. He collided with the Arcanine, making it flinch. Arcanine responded by releasing a blazing inferno from his mouth. Starly dodged most of it, but his underside was burnt. Starly landed on the ground and clutched its belly with its wings. Arcanine didn’t give Starly any time to rest and quickly fired another Flamethrower. Starly began dashing around Arcanine, dodging his attack. His wings began to glow and he repeatedly struck the dog Pokemon, weakening him. Arcanine turned and managed to sink his teeth into one of the bird’s wings with his flame-covered fangs. Starly managed to shake himself loose and fell to the ground. Starly flew into the air and his body was cover in white streaks of light. He began flying at Arcanine, ready to collide with him. Arcanine began breathing fire out of his mouth and spinning like a wheel. The Flame Wheel and Aerial Ace collided in a giant explosion. When the smoke cleared the referee declared the winner.

“Both Pokemon fainted! This match is a tie!” announced the referee.

Howl seemed amazed. She returned her Pokemon and quietly walked out of the arena.

poke123
06-15-2008, 06:07 AM
Chapter 8: Causing More Trouble
Johnny returned his Pokemon and walked to the Pokemon Center. When he arrived at the Pokemon Center, he quickly healed his Pokemon. When his Pokemon were healed, he took out Starly and Marshtomp to congratulate them. Unfortunately, Gligar also came out of his Pokeball. The purple, bat-like Pokemon began to fly around the Pokemon center, knocking over tables and chairs.

“Gligar stop!” pleaded Johnny.

The Gligar paid no attention to him and continued to knock down things. Marshtomp quickly tackled the bat-like Pokemon to the ground and Johnny quickly returned him to his Pokeball. Johnny sighed with disappointment. A teenager, a few years older than Johnny, walked up to him. He had short brown hair and was wearing a black baseball cap. He seemed like an experienced trainer.

“Was that your Gligar?” inquired the teenager.

“Yea, I’m sorry. Did he hurt you or destroy any of your things?” asked Johnny.

“No, I was just wondering if he always acts like that,” stated the trainer.

“Unfortunately,” sighed Johnny.

“Well, I’ve seen this happen a lot. You see the thing here is that this Gligar is very strong and feels that it doesn’t need to listen to you or anyone because of its strength,” said the trainer calmly.

“How do you know?” asked Johnny curiously.

“Well, I’ve raised a bunch of Pokemon like that; I’m kind of an expert at it. At least according to my friends I am,” said the teenager with the utmost confidence.

“Well, can you help me?” asked Johnny.

“I’m actually very interested in Gligar. I’ve never been able to catch one and this one seems pretty strong. Would you like to trade?” asked the baseball cap-wearing teenager.

“Trade?” asked Johnny.

“Yea, I will trade you one of my Pokemon and you trade me one of yours. I think I can part with my Gible. Are you interested?” asked the trainer.

“Yea sure,” said Johnny with an excited tone.

“We can use the Trading Machine in the back. Let’s go,” said the brown-haired teenager.

They walked to a large contraption in the back room. There was a nozzle on each side of the machine and a there was a screen in the middle. Johnny placed Gligar’s Pokeball in one Pokeball holder and the other trainer placed Gible’s Pokeball in the other Pokeball holder. The screen in the middle of the machine flickered to life and showed the outline of both Pokemon switching places as both Pokeballs were sucked into the machine by the nozzles. Then, a Pokeball popped out on each side. Johnny now had Gible and the other trainer had Gligar.

“Thanks for the trade! I didn’t catch your name,” said Johnny.

“My name is Yusuke and thanks for the trade,” said Yusuke.

Both trainers walked out of the Pokemon Center, happy with their newly acquired Pokemon. Johnny was staring at his new Pokeball the whole way to the Jubilife Stadium Lobby that he didn’t notice he was about to crash into a door until it was too late. He slammed into the door and fell backwards.

“I really should pay attention to where I’m walking,” muttered Johnny to himself as he rubbed his forehead.

poke123
06-15-2008, 06:08 AM
Chapter 9: Onto the Next Round
Over the next few days Johnny won two of his battles and lost one. Then, the four trainers from each group that had the highest score in their group walked into the arena. In total there were thirty-two trainers there. Among those trainers was Johnny. A sharp dressed man walked into the arena and spoke into a black microphone in his hand.

“Let’s have a round of applause for our remaining trainers!” yelled the official.

The crowd went wild. The roar of the crowd was deafening.

“Our trainers will now advance to the third round. This will be the last announcement until after the final battle. A trainer will have to win four battles to reach the finals and five to win the whole tournament. The battles leading up to the finals will be 3 vs. 3 and the final battle will be 6 vs. 6. Do you guys understand?” Alex asked the participants.

The trainers in the arena nodded.

“Ok then, I have one more announcement. The prize will remain a secret until after the final battle. So, with that out of the way, let the third and last round begin!” exclaimed the announcer.

The crowd went wild once again. Alex turned off the microphone and walked out of the stadium.

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A brown-haired girl quietly walked out of the arena. Chimchar popped out of its Pokeball and looked at Rocio.

“Chim?” asked Chimchar.

“We’re going to see Sam,” said Rocio so quietly that Chimchar barely heard it.

Chimchar got a scowl on his face. He disliked Sam very much. There was just something about him that he hated.

“You’ve got to learn to like him Jackie because when I win the prize and join the Red Gyrados Gang, we’ll be spending a lot of time with him,” Rocio explained to her little monkey.

Chimchar simply crossed his arms, scowled and turned away.

“Come on Chimchar,” pleaded the trainer.

“Chim,” said Jackie determinedly.

“I’ll give you a treat,” said Rocio in a sing-song voice.

Chimchar turned to look at his trainer and smiled slightly. He jumped onto her shoulder and sighed. Rocio began walking to the same alley she had been to days before. As soon as she walked out the side door, the smell of the alley hit her in a wave of horrible odor. It reeked worse than a pack of Muk and Skuntank. The alleyway was pitch-dark even though it was still sunny outside. The alley made her feel frightened. Five adults emerged from the shadows wearing black leather jackets. The man in the center stepped forward.

“What do you want?” Sam asked aggressively.

“I was just going to tell you that I won the second round. I only need five more battles to win the tournament. Are you going to tell me what the prize is?” asked the brown-haired girl.

“Why would I tell you?” scoffed the leader.

“I just thought…” said Rocio quietly.

“Well, next time, don’t think,” responded the angry leader, “Now leave!”

Rocio’s head hung low and she began to walk off. Then, the gang members began to converse amongst themselves.

“What is the prize, boss?” asked the youngest member.

“The prize is some money and four Pokemon. Three of them are not from this region and one of them is rare in this region. I don’t know exactly what they are, but I know that I want them and we can get a lot of money for these Pokemon,” responded the leader.

“So, you actually expect her to win this tournament?” asked a member with a buzz cut.

“She seems to be a strong trainer, so she might win this,” responded Sam with concern in his voice.

“Why didn’t you just enter?” asked another member.

“Are you stupid?” asked Sam as he smacked him across the back of his head, “Have you seen this city? There’s wanted posters for me all over the city.”

“Sorry boss,” murmured the member who had been reprimanded.

“But boss, you’re not really going to let her join right? I mean, she actually caught her all of her Pokemon. She hasn’t stolen any Pokemon at all,” complained the member with the buzz cut.

“Of course not, we just needed her to get in the stadium after hours. We’ll steal the Pokemon the night of the finals. We’ll make sure she’s late and we can make it look like she did it. That we she gets arrested and we get the Pokemon. It’s a perfect plan,” said Sam with a grin on his face.

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The next few days went well for Johnny. He won his next three battles. Max had also done well. He won his three battles also. Unfortunately, Clayton was not as lucky. He won the first two battles, but lost against some brown-haired girl with her Chimchar and Machoke. She only had to use two Pokemon to faint all three of Clayton’s Pokemon. The girl that Johnny had tied with earlier, Howl, was also defeated by the brown-haired girl right before the brown-haired girl beat Clayton. Max’s next battle was against the dark-haired girl. Max was not worried. He was confident that he would win, but he trained with Johnny just in case.

poke123
06-15-2008, 06:09 AM
Chapter 10: Spontaneous Evolution
Johnny used both of his Ralts to train with Max. The two Ralts used their Confusion on rocks to levitate them into the air. Max’s Pokemon would then use their long-range attacks to destroy the floating targets. Then, the two Ralts battled against Max’s Pokemon to get them ready. Both Psychic Pokemon worked really hard and tried to outdo each other. Johnny’s female Ralts worked so hard, she began to glow. She was engulfed in a blinding white light. She grew and by the time the light dimmed, she looked completely different. Now she had long, green legs and what seemed like a skirt. Her arms were also longer and now her horns were on the sides of her head instead of the front and the back. She still had the yellow bow on her head to distinguish her from her brother. Ralts scowled at his sister and began to clench his fists to concentrate.

“Wow! Congratulations Ral… I mean Kirlia!” exclaimed Johnny.

Then, he saw his other Ralts. He looked like he was trying to do something.

“Ralts what are you doing?” asked Johnny.

The small Pokemon was not about to be out done by his sister. He began to concentrate even more. All of a sudden, he began to glow in the same white light that his sister had glowed in. He also grew and now looked exactly like his sister.

“Ralts… I mean Kirlia, you too?” asked Johnny in amazement.

The male Kirlia simply nodded.

“I just thought of something. I should give both of you nicknames. I’ll call you Bella and I’ll call you Ben,” Johnny said to his two Pokemon.

They both smiled at their new names. Suddenly, a loud beeping emitted from Max’s watch.

“It’s time for my match! I have to go!” exclaimed Max as he ran off to his match.

Johnny hoped that his friend would triumph over the girl who had not lost once in the whole tournament. He returned his two newly evolved Pokemon to their Pokeballs. He wondered if he should go to the match to support his friend, but he decided against it because he didn’t want to jinx him. He decided he would wait in the lobby.

After ten minutes, Max walked into the lobby. He had a stunned look on his face. His expression was completely blank.

“Max?” Johnny said as he waved his hand in front of his friend’s face.

The brown-haired boy shook his head and sighed.

“I… I lost,” said Max as if he couldn’t believe what just happened.

“But how did you lose? You’re an awesome trainer, your Pokemon are really strong and you trained right before the battle,” said Johnny in disbelief.

“I don’t know how it happened. I mean I used Machop first and she chose her Machoke. The big Pokemon was so strong; it began to toy with Machop before fainting him. Then, she switched to her Chimchar and I sent out Shinx. Chimchar made quick work of Shinx by using his Flamethrower and Flame Wheel attacks. Finally, I sent out Linoone, who put up a great fight, but Chimchar beat him. I even had Linoone use a lot of Water Pulses on Chimchar, but he dodged most of them and got a lot of good hits in. She’s a strong trainer and that Chimchar of hers is amazing. It’s like they’re completely in sync,” sighed Max.

“Wow, so that means that if I get to the finals, I have to battle her,” said Johnny with a worried look on his face.

“If I were you, I would train so you’ll be ready for when you have to face her,” said Max reassuringly.

Johnny trained with his Pokemon very strenuously that day and won his next battle with ease later that day. He had to battle against a trainer who only used grass Pokemon. Johnny’s Charmander and Starly made quick work of them. Johnny took his Pokemon out to celebrate that night. He had made it to the finals and he was proud of his team.

poke123
06-15-2008, 06:11 AM
Chapter 11: Insomnia
That night Johnny lay awake in his complementary room, which had been provided by the organizers of the tournament. It was like a hotel room. It had a plain-colored tile floor and one bed in the middle of the room. There was a small closet next to the bed. There was an oak armoire in front of the bed, but it had nothing on it. The bed sheets smelled like newly bloomed flowers. He lay in bed, wondering what would happen the next day. He had been told that the finals would be held at night the next day. He was going to train the next day, just to insure his victory. Since Johnny couldn’t sleep, he decided to walk around his room. Suddenly, he bumped into something and fell to the floor. He looked at what he had tripped over and saw that it was Elekid, who had awoken from a nightmare. Johnny held his Pokemon in his arms, gently rocking him to sleep. Then, Elekid sat up with a jolt. His eyes widened and he jumped out of Johnny’s arms. He ran to the door and began pointing at it.

“You want me to open the door?” asked Johnny.

The power plug Pokemon nodded with an eager look on its face. Johnny turned the silver knob and slowly pushed the door open. Elekid sped out of the room leaving a white streak behind him. He was using Quick Attack to get where he wanted to go faster.

“Elekid come back here,” said Johnny in a hushed voice.

Johnny quickly changed out of his pajamas and put on some pants, a shirt, and his sneakers. He ran out of the room as quietly as he could, in pursuit of his little electric Pokemon. After running through the halls of the empty stadium, he reached a fork in the hall. He heard a noise from the hall on his left, so he ran down the hall on his left. He heard a noise behind a door that was marked ‘DO NOT ENTER OFFICIALS ONLY’.

“Why was Elekid in this room?” wondered Johnny.

He slowly turned the doorknob and pushed the door open.

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Rocio was looking at the prize in front of her. Four little red and white spheres were on a pedestal protected by a glass case. There was a small note next to it, stating the species of Pokemon inside of the Pokeballs. The list said ‘Nincada, Miltank, Bronzor, and Nincada”.

“This is what Sam wants? Four Pokemon? There must be something special about them,” thought Rocio.

Suddenly, the door knob of the door leading into the room Rocio was in began rattling and the door creaked open. Rocio was ready to send out one of her Pokemon, but she didn’t see anyone come in. She looked down and saw a little, yellow Pokemon. It had black stripes and power plug-like prongs on its head.

“Ele,” smiled the Pokemon.

“Shoo! Go away!” said Rocio, trying to make the little wanderer leave.

Elekid just looked at her with an intrigued face. Rocio shook her head and looked back at the glass case with the Pokeballs.

“I might be able to win the tournament. But can I risk it? I could just take the Pokeballs and give them to Sam. If I lose, then I can’t get the Pokeballs and I won’t get in the gang. Should I steal them?” Rocio asked herself.

As she was thinking, the door knob slowly began to turn and the door opened slowly. In the doorway stood the guy she had bumped into a few days earlier. He seemed confused to see her there, but he quickly shifted his attention to Elekid. Rocio took this advantage to run out of the room thorough a back door. She ran down the hall, searching for way to get to the alley. After frantic searching, she found a way to the lobby, which led to the alley where she would usually meet the “Red Gyrados Gang”. The disgusting smell made her feel nauseous, as she hid behind a dumpster, hoping that her pursuer would leave. For some reason, her mind began to drift off.

Memories from the fateful day, which completely changed her life, rushed into Rocio’s mind. The police officer had left her at the front door because she had to leave urgently. She slowly opened the door and what she saw surprised her. Her whole house was empty. There was no furniture, no paintings, no anything. It was like her house had been ransacked. She looked at the flight of stairs on her right. She ran up the stairs, hoping to see her parents, working at their computers. They worked at home and never paid any attention to Rocio. When Rocio reached the top of the stairs, she looked at her parents’ office, which was to her left. She pushed the door open. The room was completely empty. She slowly walked into the desolate room. There was nothing left. Even though she hated her parents, she was swept with sorrow. She fell to her knees and began to sob.

Then, her thoughts returned to the matter at hand. She wiped a small tear from her eye and sighed. She hoped the boy who had been chasing her had left by now.
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Johnny picked up his Pokemon and looked at the glass case which had mesmerized the brown-haired girl. There were four Pokeballs inside of it. He looked around the room and saw a few tables with chairs and a soda machine. It looked like an official’s lounge. Johnny decided he would catch up to the mysterious girl and question her about the Pokemon. She looked like she was about to steal them. Johnny ran down the hallway, his sneakers pounding on the tile flooring. He followed her all the way to the lobby and eventually the alley. As soon as he opened the door to the alley, a wave of an intolerable stench swept across his face. He was temporarily stunned by the intolerable smell. He shook his head and walked into the damp, dark alley. It was desolate. There were several overturned trashcans and a giant dumpster a few feet away. A small, purple Pokemon scurried across the floor. The Rattata jumped into the overturned trashcan and sunk its large front teeth into an old apple. Johnny looked at the rat curiously and then continued his search for the girl. He looked around, but to no avail. Then, he heard a rustling behind him. He turned around and saw five men in jeans, a white shirt, and a black leather jacket.

“What do you want punk? This is our turf,” stated the man in the middle of the group.

“I…I was looking for the way out of the lobby and I ended up here,” stammered Johnny.

“Yeah right,” scoffed one of the men, “Let him have it boss.”

The man in the middle pulled out a Pokeball and a large snake Pokemon emerged from the Pokeball. It was covered in purple scales. It had intimidating fangs and a long pink tongue that was split at the end. The cobra-like Pokemon’s ribs were spread out into a hood. The “hood” had colorful patterns that were meant for scaring prey. The snake looked at Johnny and hissed. Johnny was frozen with fear. Suddenly, Elekid jumped out of his backpack and walked in front of Johnny to defend him. Johnny’s fear quickly dissipated. Elekid began spinning its thick forearms at high speeds, producing large bolts of electricity which engulfed the big cobra. The large Pokemon shook the attack off and grinned. He seemed used to getting hit by strong attacks and had barely felt the attack. Elekid just stood there with his mouth wide open. Arbok took this opportunity to counterattack. He opened his mouth and shot small, glowing, purple needles which rushed towards the electric Pokemon. Elekid put his hands in front of him and formed a yellow, crystalline shield. Arbok followed up his Poison Sting attack by charging at the small Pokemon and biting it with its glowing, purple fangs. Elekid yelped loudly as the cobra sunk its long fangs into his forearm. Arbok quickly retreated, proud of himself and curled around his trainer. The man returned the Pokemon to his Pokeball and grinned.

“That’ll teach you to trespass on out territory. Now scram!” yelled the leader aggressively.

Johnny had already picked up his Pokemon and was looking at the wound. The bite mark was swelling up and the poison would soon spread through his body. Elekid was writhing in pain. Johnny heard the leader yell and picked up his Pokemon. He knew that he could beat him, but Elekid needed to go to the Pokemon Center. He ran down the alley towards the Pokemon Center, his sneaker splashing in the puddles of water. After a few minutes of running under only the light of the full moon, Johnny reached the Pokemon Center and began banging on the door. A minute later, a sleepy-eyed, pink-haired girl opened the door.

“Can I help you?” Nurse Joy asked groggily.

“My Elekid is badly poisoned. Can you heal it please?” pleaded Johnny in between breaths.

“Yes sure, please come in,” said the nurse as she took the Pokemon in her arms.

She ran into a back room and began to tend to the electric Pokemon’s wounds. Johnny sat on a metal chair, waiting for his Pokemon to be cured. An hour later, Nurse Joy emerged with Elekid nestled in her arms.

“He’s going to be fine. He just needs a good night’s rest,” smiled the nurse.

Johnny thanked her, took his Pokemon, and walked back to the stadium. He thought about all that had happened that night. He didn’t know what to do. Should he tell the officials about the mysterious girl that looked like she was stealing some Pokemon? He would have to sleep on it. Johnny walked down the dark hallways and finally reached his room. He opened the door and put his Elekid in a make-shift bed out of small blankets. Elekid deserved to sleep out of his Pokeball tonight. He had been very brave by standing up to Arbok like that. Johnny lay down on his bed and drifted off to sleep.

poke123
06-15-2008, 06:12 AM
Chapter 12: The Big Day
Johnny yawned as the beam of sunlight bled through the curtains and covered his face. He covered his eyes and sat up in his bed. He quickly put on some clothes and looked to the make-shift bed he had created the night before. Elekid was no longer there. He looked around his room and saw that Elekid was under the bed. He was hiding for some reason. Suddenly, Marshtomp jumped out of from a closet and looked around. Johnny understood what they had been doing. They were playing “Hide-and-Go-Seek”. Johnny looked at Marshtomp and pointed at the bed. Marshtomp dove under the bed and began tickling the Pokemon. Elekid giggled and ran out from under the bed. Johnny returned his Marshtomp and put Elekid in his backpack. He was going to train all day to defeat the brown-haired girl.

He spent the whole day with his Pokemon in the park, training as hard as they could. Johnny had them work on their long-range attacks by throwing rocks into the air and having his Pokemon shoot them down. Then, he had his Pokemon work on their physical attacks by punching, slashing, or tackling a tree. After a grueling day of training he went to the Pokemon Center. He recovered all of his Pokemon and began to walk to the stadium. He looked at his Poketch. It was 8 p.m. His match was in one hour. He walked into the lobby and decided he would walk around the halls to kill time.

As he was walking down the halls he saw a group of men walk into the Official’s Lounge. It was the gang that had attacked him the night before. He quietly walked to the door and looked inside through the crack of the door. The leader broke the glass container with his fist, which was wrapped in a cloth, and took the four Pokeballs. Then, he left a strand of brown hair among the shattered glass. Johnny accidentally slipped and he stumbled into the room. The gang members looked at him and began yelling. Johnny quickly got up and ran through the hallways. He hid in one of the hallway closets. He was breathing heavy as he heard the men run by the closet. He waited until he didn’t hear their footsteps to leave the safety of the closet. Then, he ran back towards the Official’s Lounge. The hallways were empty because everyone was getting a good seat for the final battle, a battle in which Johnny was supposed to participate. Johnny walked into the room and saw the brown-haired girl, horrified by the sight of the broken glass and missing Pokeballs.

“You!” accused Johnny.

“Wait, you don’t understand. I had nothing to do with this. Although, this is my hair,” said Rocio with a puzzled look on her face.

“I know you didn’t steal them. It was those gang members. They put that strand of hair on the glass,” said Johnny.

“Of course! How could I be so stupid? They’re trying to frame me,” said Rocio in disbelief.

“So why were you here yesterday?” asked Johnny.

“I was thinking of stealing them, but I decided I would win them fair and square. You see, I wanted to join they’re gang and their final initiation requirement was for me to win this tournament and give them the prize,” explained Rocio.

“Why are you telling me all this?” asked Johnny.

“Because you wouldn’t believe me otherwise,” replied Rocio.

“Well, we have to go catch them. If not, you’re going to be in trouble,” said Johnny.

“Knowing them, they’re going to find someway to make it seem like it was me,” said Rocio.

They both ran out of the room and Rocio told Johnny to follow her. Johnny followed Rocio all the way to the alley in which they had been the night before. They saw the gang members standing in the alley, looking at them with deceitful smile on their face.

“Well, I’m guessing you know what I’m up to, right Rocio?” asked the leader, already knowing the answer.

“You were going to frame me, weren’t you Sam?” asked Rocio.

“Correct, and you will get framed because I’ll make sure you don’t make it to your match. That will raise suspicion and I will make sure all the evidence points to you,” explained the leader.

“We can take you,” said Rocio confidently, apparently including Johnny in her threat.

“Let’s see how you handle this!” shouted Sam as he threw two Pokeballs in the air.

A giant skunk Pokemon and a cobra-like Pokemon emerged from their Pokeballs. Skuntank was covered in purple fur, except for its legs and underside which were covered in white fur. Skuntank had a long, white stripe down its back. It had a long tail which was laid out on its back. The Arbok from before also appeared, menacing as ever. The markings on Arbok’s “hood” looked more intimidating that night.

Johnny and Rocio each threw a Pokeball of their own. A Kirlia emerged from Johnny’s Pokeball and a large rodent Pokemon emerged from Rocio’s Pokeball. The Kirlia twirled beautifully, then stopped, messed with her bow and got in a battle stance. The large rodent Pokemon had short orange fur on her body. She had brown-colored paws and white belly. She had a long, thin, black tail which in ended in a yellow thunderbolt-shape. It had oddly shaped ears which curled in two parts. It also had yellow cheeks which crackled with electricity.

“Bella, use Psychic on Arbok!” ordered Johnny.

“Tulip, use Thunderbolt on Skuntank!” yelled Rocio.

The white Psychic Pokemon’s pink horns began to glow in a light blue aura. This aura then covered the cobra Pokemon. The cobra was lifted into the sky and slammed against the floor again and again. The orange rodent began charging up her energy. Her yellow cheeks were crackling with electricity. Then, she unleashed her energy at her opponent. Her face was illuminated by the light produced by the electric attack. The bolts of golden lightning engulfed the large skunk Pokemon, making it shudder in pain. The two opposing Pokemon got up and were ready to continue battling. The snake opened its mouth and shot out hundreds of glowing, purple needles at Kirlia. Kirlia’s horns began to glow and she stopped the attack, returning it back to the snake. The snake flinched as his own attack hit him. Then, he charged at the Psychic Pokemon with his fangs glowing purple. The small Pokemon was covered in a rainbow colored light and disappeared. Then, she reappeared behind the snake. The snake dove at the place where Kirlia had been a few seconds earlier. He got up and turned around. Kirlia was already ready for the counterattack. Then, she put her hands in front of her and dark circles began emitting from them. They hit Arbok and his eyes began to droop. Arbok then collapsed onto the floor, completely asleep. Kirlia’s hands began glowing red. The cobra’s body began glowing with the same aura and Kirlia drained his energy.

The leader was mad and returned his Arbok.

“Skuntank, use Flamethrower on both of them!” yelled Sam.

The large skunk collected heat in his body, opened his mouth and shot out a stream of blazing fire. The fire was about to engulf Raichu and Kirlia, but the Psychic Pokemon jumped in front of the rodent and put her hands up. A transparent, crystalline wall was formed in front of her. The Reflect attack protected them both from the blazing tongues of fire. When the fire died down, Raichu jumped over Kirlia and shot out a strong burst of electricity. Skuntank shook a little bit and then fainted.

“You want these Pokemon? Go get them,” said Sam angrily.

He threw the Pokeballs over Johnny and Rocio’s heads. Johnny and Rocio quickly turned around and tried to catch the Pokeballs, but they hit a wall, then the concrete floor. They picked the Pokeballs up and saw that they were slightly damaged. There was a crack on each of them. They turned around and saw an unbelievable sight. They thought that the gang would have run away. The gang had tried to do that, but Raichu and Kirlia had stopped them with their attacks. The gang was on the floor, semi-unconscious. Kirlia was twirling like a ballerina and Raichu was imitating her.

Johnny and Rocio heard some sirens and a few people in police officers ran into the alley. Johnny and Rocio explained what had happened and gave them the Pokeballs. The police thanked them for the help. Johnny looked at his watch and saw that he was late for his battle.

“I’m late for my battle,” said Johnny as he ran off towards the arena.

“Me too,” said Rocio as she ran off behind Johnny.

Johnny turned around and saw that the girl was following her.

“Wait a second, you’re that girl that’s been winning every battle, aren’t you?” asked Johnny as he ran.

“Yes I am and I guess you’re my next opponent,” responded Rocio.

poke123
06-15-2008, 06:13 AM
Chapter 13: The Final Battle
They ran into the arena at the same time, just as the official was about to cancel the battle. They explained the situation and the official nodded and let them get on the arena. Johnny and Rocio walked onto opposite sides of the grassy arena.

“On my left, Johnny Rodriguez from Petalburg City and on my right side, Rocio Cyrus from Jubilife City! Now, each of you can use six Pokemon,” announced the blond referee who had refereed his battle with Clayton.

Both trainers got out a Pokeball and nodded at the referee.

“Let the battle begin!” yelled the referee.

A small, brown bird emerged from Johnny’s Pokeball and soared into the night sky. A tan fox-like Pokemon emerged from Rocio’s Pokeball. The tips of its paws were a dark shade of brown. It had a few sprouts growing out of it and its ears looked like leaves. It had a long sprout on its forehead and a tail that looked like a leaf.

“Ok Briar, start off with Magical Leaf!” ordered Rocio.

“Starly, use Quick Attack to dodge!” shouted Johnny.

The leaf Pokemon concentrated and crisp, green leaves appeared out of nowhere and surrounded Leafeon. Then, he moved his head slightly and the leaves flew at the bird with blinding speed. Starly flew as fast as he could, leaving a white streak behind him, but it was no use. The leaves caught up to him and slashed into his wings. Starly stopped flying and landed. His wings were covered in slash marks from the razor sharp leaves. Starly knew he had to continue battling and soared into the sky again, this time with more determination then ever. He glowed in a white light for a second and soon was accompanied by eight replicas of himself. Leafeon began to concentrate again and leaves appeared around him again. The leaves shot out at the Starly clones and destroyed them all. Leafeon looked in front of him to see if he had knocked the original Starly out of the sky. He couldn’t seem to find his opponent. Starly stealthily swooped up behind Leafeon, covered in white streaks. Starly’s beak collided with Briar’s body. Briar was pushed back a few feet by Starly’s Aerial Ace attack.

“Briar, use Energy Ball, then Shadow Ball!” yelled Rocio.

The leaf Pokemon’s green sprout on his forehead began to glow and a green ball of energy formed in front of Leafeon’s mouth. He shot it and it glided beautifully through the air. Starly flapped his wings to gain altitude and avoid the green Energy Ball. Then, Leafeon began forming a dark ball of energy of mouth. Once it formed, he released it and it zoomed through the air, barely missing its target. Starly dove in again, surrounded by streaks of white light. Leafeon ran at the bird, leaving behind a white trail. Both Pokemon collided with great force. Starly fluttered his wings and returned to the skies. Leafeon lay sprawled on the floor, unconscious.

“Leafeon is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the light-haired referee.

Rocio returned his grass Pokemon and threw a different Pokeball in the air and released her large grey Pokemon.

“Rocio chooses Machoke. Machoke versus Starly, begin!” announced the referee.

“Ortiz, use Karate Chop,” said Rocio.

The large and muscular grey Pokemon charged at his feathery opponent. His muscular arms were ready to attack. They had red lines running down them. When he was next to Starly, he struck him with the side of his open hand. The Karate Chop had struck him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Starly fell out of the sky and landed on the grass. He clutched his stomach with its wings. Then, Machoke took this opportunity and put his hands out in front of him, right above his gold belt. A blue sphere began forming. It was bigger than the sphere that Max’s Machop had made. He unleashed a powerful beam of blue light which completely engulfed the small bird. The small bird stopped moving and was unconscious.

“Starly is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the blond referee.

Johnny returned his bird Pokemon and threw a different Pokeball in the air and released his Psychic Pokemon.

“Johnny chooses Kirlia. Kirlia versus Machoke, begin!” announced the referee.

“Ortiz, use Cross Chop,” instructed Rocio

“Ben, use Psychic,” said Johnny.

Ortiz charged at the Psychic Pokemon with his arms raised, ready to strike his opponent. Ben just stood there completely calm. He closed his eyes and his horns began to glow. Then, Machoke stopped in his tracks and was surrounded by a blue aura. He was steadily lifted into the sky and slammed against the grassy terrain over and over again. Machoke stood up after being slammed into the floor. He charged at his opponent again, arms raised menacingly. Ben began twirling gracefully and small white orbs surrounded him. He stopped and pointed his arms toward Machoke. The little orbs stopped and began hitting the muscular Pokemon all over his body. The muscular Pokemon did not even flinch. He kept on charging at the little Pokemon and struck him with both of his arms in a powerful attack. The attack was so powerful that Kirlia was knocked back four feet. Kirlia was not about to give up. He began glowing in a rainbow colored light. He disappeared and then reappeared behind the muscular Pokemon. Kirlia closed his eyes again and raised his arms and green leaves appeared all around him. Then, with a flick of his wrist, the leaves were sent speeding at the back of the Ortiz. The leaves sliced through the air and cut into the muscular Pokemon’s back. Ortiz yelled out in pain and turned around, his face red with anger. He charged at the small Pokemon, his hand balled up into a fist. Kirlia used Teleport again and vanished just as the Machoke’s fist was about to make contact with his face. Kirlia reappeared behind Ortiz again. By now he was enraged. He turned to his opponent one more and stretched out his hands. A light blue sphere began to form in between his two hands. It grew bigger and bigger until it was the size of Ortiz’s head. Then he pushed his arms forward and unleashed a huge beam which was sure to knock out the Psychic Pokemon. Kirlia lifted his arms up and his horns began to glow again, this time in a deep blue color. All of a sudden, the beam stopped. Ben was holding the attack by using his Psychic attack. Ben struggled to keep the attack from hitting him. The Machoke got even angrier and began concentrating more on his attack and the beam slowly inched forward. A bead of sweat rolled down Kirlia’s forehead. He stopped the progress of the beam and pushed it back a few inches. Then, both Pokemon pushed themselves even more, trying to beat each other. Finally, there was a huge explosion of light. The explosion had been caused by all the energy being forced back and forth. When the light dimmed down, everyone eagerly looked at the arena to see who was still standing. Both Pokemon were sprawled on the arena floor.

“Both Pokemon fainted! Please choose your next Pokemon,” said the referee.

Johnny was about to send out his trusty mudfish Pokemon, but Elekid jumped out of his backpack and walked onto the arena. At the same time, Rocio threw a Pokeball in the air and from it emerged a large, black bird. He had a white collar that looked like a beard. He also had a hat-like thing on his head. He looked at Elekid menacingly. Johnny was slightly nervous that his little Elekid was battling, but he knew that Elekid could take care of himself.

“Johnny chooses Elekid. Rocio chooses Honchkrow. Elekid versus Honchkrow, begin!” announced the referee.

“Cooro, use Sky Attack!” ordered Rocio.

“Elekid, use Swift!” yelled Johnny.

Cooro flapped his dark wings and soared into the night sky. He began gaining altitude and was covered by a white aura. He began to swoop down, targeting the small, electric Pokemon. Elekid began twirling his arms like a windmill. Golden stars flew out of his arms and zoomed towards the black bird. The stars slammed into the bird, but he did not lose his concentration and continued his attack on the young Pokemon. Honchkrow’s beak made contact with Elekid’s striped body and knocked him back. Honchkrow quickly soared into the sky again, ready to attack again. The electric Pokemon clutched his stomach in pain after the bird collided with him. Then, the bird began charging a purple ball of energy. Once it was big enough, Cooro launched the purple ball which was crackling with energy. The Shadow Ball quickly approached Elekid, but he giggled and put up his hands. A yellow, crystalline shield appeared in front of his hands. The Shadow Ball bounced off the shield with a loud noise and it crashed into the floor. Cooro was amazed that his attack hadn’t hit the little Pokemon. Elekid took this opportunity to attack his opponent. He began spinning his arms again and his body began to crackle with electricity. Then, large bolts of energy flew out of his arms and engulfed Honchkrow. He was shaking with pain from the attack, but then counterattacked. He swooped down and fired black beams from his eyes. The black beams engulfed Elekid. He got knocked down by the Night Shade attack. Elekid stood up and was determined to beat this large bird. He began spinning his arms like a windmill again and electric bolts shot out again, aimed at the bird. Honchkrow swerved to dodge the attack, but was struck by a single bolt of lighting. Small sparks crackled on Honchkrow’s body. Johnny could only assume that Honchkrow was paralyzed. Despite this, Cooro dove again, his wings glowing with energy. He flew at Elekid and was about to collide with him, until Elekid moved out of the way. Just as he moved out of the way, he balled up his paw; it began crackling with electricity as it slammed into the underside of the bird. Cooro’s eyes bulged as he was hit by the Thunder Punch. The attack sent Cooro crashing into the grassy terrain. He tried to get up, but couldn’t and remained on the floor.

“Honchkrow is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” announced the referee.

Johnny told his little Pokemon to come back and threw a different Pokeball in the air. Rocio returned Honchkrow to his Pokeball and sent out another Pokemon. A large rodent Pokemon emerged from Rocio’s Pokeball and a small shark-like Pokemon emerged from Johnny’s Pokeball.

“Johnny chooses Gible. Rocio chooses Raichu. Gible versus Raichu, begin!” exclaimed the referee.

“Tulip, Iron Tail!” exclaimed Rocio.

“Gible, use Dragon Claw,” said Johnny.

The large rodent Pokemon had a long black tail, which ended in a lightning bolt shape. Tulip’s tail began to glow in a white light. She shifted her body weight and her tail collided Gible’s claw, which was glowing with a green color. Raichu concentrated, pushed herself more and her tail pushed Gible’s claw aside. Her tail slammed into Gible’s tiny shark body. Though the attack was strong, Gible did not move as a result of the attack. He took advantage of having his opponent’s tail in front of him and grabbed it with his little claws. He sunk his razor-sharp teeth into the thin, black tail. Raichu’s eyes bulged out and she yelped in pain. She shook the shark Pokemon off her tail and her right fist began to glow in a white light. She turned around and punched Gible in the stomach, knocking the wind out of the short Pokemon. The little Pokemon was not about to give up. His claws began to glow and he jumped up and slashed his opponents face. Tulip stepped back when she felt Gible’s claws scratch her face. She had scratch marks all over her face. Gible began running towards his opponent at high speed and his whole body collided with her stomach as he used his Take Down attack. Raichu stepped back a few more steps from the impact of this strong attack. Then, Gible’s body was enveloped in a light blue aura and he ran towards Tulip. Tulip decided she would charge at Gible too. She began running at Gible very quickly and on her way she was enveloped by a bright yellow light. The Volt Tackle and Dragon Rush collided with extreme force. Both Pokemon were sent flying backwards. Only the land shark stood up. Raichu had fainted.

“Raichu is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the referee.

Rocio returned her large rodent Pokemon and threw a different Pokeball in the air and released her cat Pokemon.

“Rocio chooses Persian. Gible versus Persian, begin!” announced the referee.

“Ginger, use Shadow Claw!” exclaimed Rocio.

“Gible, use Dragon Rush!” exclaimed Johnny.

Gible shook his head and charged at the tall, slinky cat with his claw glowing green. The slender cat ran at her opponent and lifted her claw, which was glowing in a menacing purple color. Persian’s Shadow Claw ended up being stronger than Gible’s Dragon Claw because Gible was knocked back. Gible shook himself off and charged at the cat again. Persian just stood there and concentrated. A golden orb began to form in front of the rubicund gem on her forehead. It grew larger and larger, until it was large enough and Persian launched it at Gible. The golden sphere collided with the running dragon and he was stopped in his tracks. He was stunned by the attack and just stood there. Persian ran up to Gible and slashed him with her long claws. Gible fell on his back and stopped moving.

“Gible is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the referee.

Johnny returned his dragon Pokemon and threw a different Pokeball in the air. A blue mudfish Pokemon emerged from the Pokeball.

“Johnny uses Marshtomp. Marshtomp versus Persian, begin!” announced the referee.

“Ginger, use Shadow Claw again!” exclaimed Rocio.

“Marshtomp, use Water Gun!” ordered Johnny.

Marshtomp took a deep breath then shot out a stream of clear water that hit Persian in the face. She tried to run at Marshtomp and use her attack, but Marshtomp followed up with Mud Shot. He began to spit out numerous clumps of mud at the feline Pokemon. The cat Pokemon flinched while she was hit by the barrage of mud. Marshtomp then charged at Persian at high speed. Persian had her claw raised, glowing in a deep purple color. Marshtomp collided with Ginger just as her claw slashed into his back. Ginger was knocked back by the Take Down attack and fainted as soon as she hit the floor.

“Persian is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the referee.

Rocio returned her feline Pokemon and threw a different Pokeball in the air and released her little monkey.

“Rocio chooses Chimchar. Marshtomp versus Chimchar, begin!” announced the referee.

“Jackie, use Flamethrower!” ordered Rocio.

“Marshtomp, use Water Gun!” yelled Johnny.

The small, orange Pokemon began storing fire in his mouth. Then, his small tail, which was made of fire, flared up and Jackie opened up its mouth. Orange tongues of fire shot out of the little monkey’s mouth. At the same time, the blue mudfish took a deep breath and shot out a stream of glistening water. The stream of fire and the stream of water collided and made a small explosion. Both Pokemon were pushed back slightly by the blast. Marshtomp then opened his mouth and shot out small, brown clumps of mud. Chimchar quickly dodged the clumps, but a few hit him and stuck to his thin, orange fur. Suddenly, Chimchar’s eyes began to glow in a green color. Then, blades of grass around Marshtomp stretched out and tied themselves around the mudfish’s arms and legs. Marshtomp was trapped by the Grass Knot attack. Chimchar took advantage of this and began to breathe fire and began spinning like a wheel. The flaming wheel sped at Marshtomp and collided with him. Marshtomp could not do anything about it because he was stuck. The blades of grass restraining Marshtomp were incinerated when the Flame Wheel attack collided with Marshtomp. Jackie followed up his attack by slashing at his opponent with his claws. Chimchar’s claws dug into Marshtomp’s skin. Marshtomp collapsed.

“Marshtomp is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the referee.

Johnny returned his mudfish Pokemon and his little power plug Pokemon walked onto the field again.

“Johnny chooses Elekid. Elekid versus Chimchar, begin!” announced the referee.

“Jackie, use Flamethrower!” exclaimed Rocio.

“Elekid, use Discharge!” shouted Johnny.

Jackie began storing fire in his body and shot out tongues of fire before Elekid could even start spinning his arms. The fire completely engulfed the little, Electric Pokemon. After the fire died down, Elekid shuddered and fell to the floor.

“Elekid is unable to battle! Choose your next Pokemon please,” said the referee.

Johnny ran onto the field and picked up his baby Pokemon. He gave him a smile and carefully put him in his backpack, which was on the floor now and served as Elekid’s bed. Then, he reached onto his belt and pulled of his last Pokeball. He tossed it into the air. A small, orange lizard emerged from it.

“Johnny chooses Charmander. Charmander versus Chimchar, begin!” announced the referee.

“Jackie, use Fury Swipes!” yelled Rocio.

“Charmander, use Slash!” ordered Johnny.

Both Fire Pokemon’s claws began to glow and they charged at each other. Once they were in range, they began to slash at each other’s body. Chimchar’s claws sunk into Charmander’s skin. When they both stopped, they were covered in scratch marks. Chimchar backed off, began breathing fire, and began spinning like a wheel. The hot wheel of fire sped at Charmander. Charmander was ready for the attack. His tail began glowing and he shifted his body so that his tail hit Chimchar as they were about to collide. Charmander’s Iron Tail and Chimchar’s Flame Wheel collided and both Pokemon were knocked back. Chimchar was ready to give one final attack. He began to breathe fire and began to spin again, but this time the wheel of fire was even hotter than before. The wheel was spinning in place, waiting for the right moment to attack.

“Charmander, use Iron Tail again,” said Johnny.

Charmander looked at Johnny and shook his head. He looked at him, as if he were trying to communicate something through his eyes. Johnny understood what he wanted to do; he wanted to use their secret weapon. Johnny nodded in agreement. Charmander turned back around and stored fire in his body. Then, he spread his arms and breathed fire, which quickly engulfed him. He then charged at the monkey, completely ablaze. Chimchar also began to spin towards Charmander. Both fire attacks collided with gigantic force. The collision of the attacks created a giant explosion of fire. Smoke clouded everyone’s vision of the arena. When the smoke slowly began to clear, the referee could clearly see who had won.

poke123
06-15-2008, 06:14 AM
Chapter 14: When the Prizes Cause Pandemonium
“Chimchar is unable to battle! Johnny Rodriguez wins the battle and the tournament!” announced the referee to the whole arena.

The smoke cleared out completely and the little monkey lay on the floor, unconscious. The orange lizard stood triumphant. The whole crowd cheered loudly for Johnny. Johnny picked up his lizard and held him up.

“We did it!” yelled Johnny happily.

Johnny walked over to Rocio and shook her hand.

“You’re a really great trainer,” said Johnny.

“Thanks, you too,” said Rocio.

Alex, the tournament official, walked onto the arena. He carried a fancy, crimson pillow with four Pokeballs on it and an envelope. He approached Johnny and began to talk to him.

“By the way, those thugs you and Rocio found were arrested and will get a few years of jail time,” said Alex.

“Great, thanks for telling me. I’m relieved to hear that,” responded Johnny.

“Now, I will present the winner, Johnny Rodriguez of Petalburg City, with his prizes. He wins $300 and these four Pokemon. Three of them are not found in Sinnoh and the other is rare. Please give Johnny a round of applause,” said the official.

Alex was about to give Johnny the Pokeballs, when they suddenly began to crackle with scarlet-colored electricity. Suddenly, they burst into pieces and red light emerged from the remains. Four Pokemon materialized where the red light was. Two Pokemon were identical. They were small, white insects. They had brown front legs and black eyes. They also had small green wings. Another of the Pokemon was a floating blue disc-shaped Pokemon. It had bumps along the edge of its body. The last Pokemon was a cow. It was pink and had a black hood-like patch of fur on its head. It had small white horns and a long pink tail, which ended in a black ball. It had a cream color stomach with four udders. They seemed a bit frightened, but did not move. Then, a light began to shine out of Bronzor’s inner circle. This caused the two bugs to freak out and they began to scurry around. They eventually climbed onto Miltank’s back. Miltank began to rampage around. Then, all four of the Pokemon ran out of the stadium in a panic.

“We have to catch them,” said Johnny.

“I’ll help you,” said Rocio.

Both trainers ran after the Pokemon. When they reached the tunnel, they found the two insects.

“Look, it’s the Nicadas,” said Rocio.

Johnny and Rocio released their two fire Pokemon. Charmander and Chimchar emerged from the Pokeballs. One of the insects launched itself at the fire monkey Pokemon and began scratching him furiously. Meanwhile, the other insect turned around began digging up dirt, which flew at the two fire Pokemon in little clumps of mud. Both Pokemon staggered from the impact of the attacks. They were still tired from their previous battle. The two Nincadas then launched themselves at the fire Pokemon, but this time their claws were glowing with a silver color. Their claws sank into the two Pokemon’s skin. They knocked the bugs to the floor. Chimchar fell to the floor and fainted.

“Jackie!” exclaimed Rocio.

She quickly scooped up her small monkey.

“I guess you’re going to have to catch them yourself,” sighed Rocio.

One of the Nincadas jumped at Charmander. Its claws were glowing bluish-white. It crossed its arms and slashed at the lizard Pokemon. The other insect began burrowing into the soft dirt. Charmander stepped back from the impact of the X-Scissor attack. The ground beneath the lizard began to shake and a white insect erupted from the floor with its claws bared. It slashed at Charmander’s underside. The orange lizard winced in pain. Charmander was mad. His claws began to glow and he slashed at the Pokemon that had burrowed beneath him. He then charged at the insect with his tail glowing. He slammed his tail onto the small insect’s head, not giving it a chance to recuperate from his last attack. The white bug shivered and fell onto its side. Charmander then turned to face his other opponent. The bug’s eyes were wide open. It had seen what had happened to the other Nincada. It was quivering with fear. The lizard smiled and ran at the bug. His fangs were bared and were covered in fire. He sunk his fangs into the bug’s crunchy body. Nincada shook and scratched Charmander in the face, attempting to push away his attacker. Charmander flinched when he was scratched in the face. He released his grip on the insect. He shook his head and began storing fire. Then, he opened his mouth and tongues of rubicund fire erupted from his jaws and engulfed the feeble, little Pokemon. Its body was completely burned. Johnny tossed two Pokeballs at the defenseless bugs. Rocio told Johnny to go look for the other two Pokemon and that she would stay with the two Pokeballs.

Johnny returned his Charmander and sprinted through the tunnel. When he reached the other side, Miltank and Bronzor were standing there, unintentionally causing pandemonium. Johnny released two of his Pokemon. Kirlia and Marshtomp emerged from their Pokeballs. The two Pokemon were tired from their grueling battle. Bella began to twirl like a ballerina and white spheres began surrounding her. They spun around her at high speed and then they flew towards the steel Pokemon. The steel Pokemon’s body began to glow in a blue aura. The white spheres stopped in mid-air and they zoomed back towards the Kirlia. The little spheres impacted on Bella’s body, as she put her hands in front of her face to shield herself. She flinched because of the attack. She quickly shook it off and closed her eyes. She began to concentrate and leaves appeared around her, suspended in mid-air. She flicked her wrists and the leaves zoomed towards the metal Pokemon. The razor sharp leaves cut into Bronzor. Bronzor began charging up a purple sphere of energy. When it was big enough, he leaned forward and it sped towards Bella. The maroon sphere hit Bella knocking her back. She walked forward and began to concentrate. More leaves appeared around her and she shot them at Bronzor again. This time the Bronzor was ready. It moved to the right and shot the spheres on the edge of its body began to glow in a silver color. It began spinning at a high velocity and slammed into the Kirlia. Kirlia stood up and began to concentrate again. A blue aura covered the Kirlia. The same aura quickly engulfed Bronzor and it was slammed into a support beam that held up the Jubilife Stadium. Bronzor shuddered and dropped to the floor.

Marshtomp opened its mouth and shot a stream of crystalline water at Miltank. The cow Pokemon just stood there and took the attack. Then, she rolled into a ball and began rolling towards Marshtomp. She hit Marshtomp with great speed. Marshtomp was knocked onto his back by the rolling cow. He tried to get up, but was too weak to do so. Johnny returned his Pokemon to his Pokeball and released another Pokemon. A small, shark-like Pokemon emerged from the Pokeball. The little shark ran at the big cow. His left claw was glowing in a jade aura. Miltank’s tail began to glow and she shifted her body weight so that her tail collided with Gible’s claw. Miltank was knocked back by the strong attack. Gible began charging at the cow again. Miltank jumped into the air, just as Gible was about to hit her. Then, she body slammed her opponent. Gible, crushed by his opponent’s weight, cried out in pain. He slipped out from under the cow Pokemon and he had a scowl on his face. He ran at Miltank and slammed his body into her stomach. Miltank’s wind was knocked out of her. She clutched her stomach and gasped for breath. She quickly stood up and began to run towards Gible. Her head was glowing in a bluish-white color. At the last possible moment, Gible moved out of the way and Miltank slammed into a thick metal beam that supported the arena. The beam shuddered upon the impact of Miltank’s Zen Headbutt attack. Then, Gible began was covered in a cobalt light. He sprinted towards Miltank at a high velocity. Miltank was knocked onto her side. She got up and began breathing heavily. She was extremely tired. She clenched her fists and electricity began crackling around her body. Then, a lighting bolt was released from her body and zapped Gible. The electricity conducted through his body, but he did not move at all. Gible had not felt a thing. He charged at Miltank once more, this time he was covered in white streaks. He slammed into the cow’s body and she fell over. Johnny tossed two Pokeballs and the two Pokemon were sucked in. He turned to see if he could find Rocio and when he turned back around Rocio was standing in front of him. She held out her hands. There were four Pokeballs in them.

“It looks like you caught…”




OOC:I hope she says that he caught all four Pokemon

Here's the character count again

Pokemon: Nincada x2, Bronzor, Miltank
Category:2 Simples, 1 Medium, and 1 Hard(Nincadax2 5-10K each, Bronzor, 10-20K, Miltank 20-30K) total 40-70K
# Words: 17,027
# of Characters with spaces: 78,440
# of Characters with no spaces: 95,099
Status: Ready to grade!

I went way over the max with this:biggrin:


Edited version:
# of Characters with spaces: 82,613
# of Characters with no spaces: 100,173

Phantom Kat
06-18-2008, 09:30 PM
Okay, this grade is going be a bit harsher because the capture is more difficult than your last.

Plot: Johnny and Max enter a tournament. After a few battles, they meet up with an old friend, Clayton. Meanwhile, a girl named Rocio Cyrus is trying to win the tournament so that she can join the Red Gyarados Gang. After a few more battles, Johnny sees Rocio in the room with the prize Pokemon, and he follows her to the alley of the gang. There, Elekid gets poisoned, and he takes him to the Pokemon Center. The next day, he sees the Red Gyarados Gang stealing the Pokemon and framing Rocio. However, Rocio and Johnny stop them and get them arrested. After a grueling 6 vs. 6, Johnny wins the Pokemon. However, the Pokemon escape and Johnny and Rocio set out to catch them.

Overall, the whole plot is interesting with Johnny trying to win the tournament but getting tangles up with Rocio and the Red Gyarados Gang. However, the story itself didn’t really catch my attention for a numerous reasons. First of all, this is a tournament so I knew there were going to be numerous battles in the story, but my problem here is that for most of the story, it just seemed like one battle happened after another battle with practically nothing happening in between. It isn’t completely true because there were moments like Rocio going up to the gang, but those parts were so short and dry (well get into detail about that later) that it felt like the battles dominated the whole story. Either you should have cut down on the battles or made the things in between the battles longer and more meaningful.

Second of all is the way Rocio fit into the whole story. When you told me about this idea through PM, I really liked it: girl wants to be part of the gang, she needs win the tournament to be part of it, and later, the gang backstabs her. At the beginning, Rocio was a mystery, we knew she wanted to be part of the gang, but at the same time, we didn’t know who in the world she was. I was expecting you to elaborate on her later on, but you didn’t. I have no idea as to why Rocio wanted to join the gang, where she came from, what’s her history, how she met the gang, etc. She did mention that it may have been because she was alone in the world, but you didn’t elaborate on that, and that phrase can mean many things. Maybe she was an orphan, maybe she’s a run away, maybe she was abandoned, etc. Because Rocio was such a mystery throughout the whole story (not only her history but her emotions and what she was feeling throughout the story were a mystery), it really did seem as though the story was nothing but one battle after the other.

Overall, the plot itself was a good idea, but the way you wrote it seem like just any other tournament story with a few distractions here and there with the gang. Next time, don’t concentrate so much on the battles but more on the characters themselves and the ordeals they are facing because that‘s the true “meat“ on your story.

Introduction: Well, I can’t say much since this was a continuation. You did add recaps from your past stories, which is good for graders that may have not read your past catures. You somewhat described Johnny and Max which is always good because I certainly forgot what they looked like. I would have been good for you to describe where Johnny as again, but it’s not much to worry about.


Grammar/Spelling: I can tell you proofread this because there weren’t any glaring grammar or spelling msitakes that I saw. However, I still saw many typos, mostly missing commas.

Well, Johnny’s my friend, and I’ve been traveling with him for a while.

“Wait for me!” yelled Johnny, as he shoes pounded on the dirt.

Should be “his”.

It had two antennae and a pincer like mouth.

Whenever you have a description that has “like”, you need a hyphen. So it should be “pincer-like”.

“Are you ok, Charmander?” asked Johnny.

Missing comma. This mistake was repeated throughout your WHOLE story, so, please, watch out for that in the future.

As Johnny walked into the water Pokemon section of the stands, he saw that a battle had just finished, just as he was sitting in a seat in the shape of a starfish.

You don’t need the comma.

Johnny and Max walked onto the arena floor along with sixty-two other participants.

Just pointing it that it’s supposed to be “sixty-four”, not sixty-two.

“What’s the prize, Sam?” asked the brown-haired girl.

Again, missing comma.

Johnny returned his Starly and threw his next Pokeball in the air, and his mudfish Pokemon emerged from the Pokeball.

Once again, you need a comma.

This attack was super-effective because it was a grass-type move.

It’s not a mistake, but please refrain from adding this kind of information in the middle of the battle. It completely disrupts the flow, and you don’t need it.

“I’m so relieved that the battle is over. I was panicking about it the whole time. If it weren’t for Grass Knot, I would’ve been a goner,” thought Max.

In the future, italicized all characters’ thoughts. When you put them like this, I don’t know they were thinking it and not saying it aloud until the end of the dialogue.

“That’s pretty cool. Congratulations,” said Johnny.

This is not a complete sentence, so it should be connected to the last sentence with a comma.

Marshtomp tried to dodge, but was hit in the stomach.

Missing the “to”.

Machoke got even angrier and began concentrating more on his attack and the beam slowly inched forward.

Sometimes you did this. When you say “Machoke”, you are telling us that “Machoke” is his name, when, in fact, his name is “Ortiz”. When you want to mention the species of oa Pokemon, put “the” in front of the species name like “the Machoke”.

Most of your mistakes were simply missing commas, so all I can say is proofread a lot more carefully.

Length: 95K, that’s quite a lot and over the max. But most of it were battles, and little of it was actual plot development. Good length can help you, but it’s always quality > quantity.

Description/Detail: Well, this section was good throughout the story, maybe just bland at times. I am going to nitpick at this, though. First of all, throughout the entire story, you referred to all of your characters (maybe except Clayton) by the color of their hair. It was “the black-haired youth”, the “brown-haired girl”, etc, and it got really boring really fast. There is more to a character than their hair, and you should mention that in your story. You didn’t described Rocio other than her hair and the same goes for Johnny and Max. Expand on the description of your characters. Their eyes, their skin, their clothes, the way they carried themselves. Was Rocio wearing torn up blue jeans and a red shirt much too big for her. Was their an air of confidence when she stepped up to the field, or was she shaking from head to toe? Go more into detail about them, they are the main characters and not just person in the story.

Second of all was the color words you used in your description. It was “blue, red, green, brown, gray”, etc, which grew old fast, and made your descriptions boring. Mix it up, there is more than one word for color. Red can be “ruby, scarlet, blood-red, garnet”, blue can be “azure, cerulean, china-blue, sapphire”, green can be “jade, emerald, moss, pea-green”. Use these words and other that you can think off, choose as many different ones as you can, avoid using the same word more than once throughout the story (it may not be possible, but it will prevent you from using the word so much it become boring). So use “green” in one paragraph, use “emerald” in the next, and so on. By doing this, you’ll add life to descriptions instead of making them tedious to read.

Battle: There were plenty of these throughout your story. Before I get to the last battle, I want to point out that throughout every battle, it seemed as though the Pokemon were battling by themselves, the trainers hardly called out commands except in the beginning. They are trainers’ Pokemon, trainers call out the shots. Sure, Pokemon can dodge or jump out of the way without someone telling them to, but don’t just call out an attack and let the Pokemn handle the battle for the next half post.

Okay, the last battle was WAY too short for all four Pokemon, a battle that size looks more like a battle for a single Medium Pokemon. It was rather disappointing after the many lengthy battles before. With the Nincada, even though the Nincada clawed at their opponents, it seemed as though Chimchar and Charmander didn’t feel a thing; it seemed as though the bugs weren’t doing any damage at all. I also don’t like the fact that both attacked at the same and fell at the same time, it didn’t really seem as though two Pokemon were battling. In all likelihood, two wild Pokemon would not act in sync like these two did. For Bronzor and Milktank, it was longer but still too short for them; Milktank only used one Rollout before she was overpowered and the same thing with Bronzor with Gyro Ball. Plus, all of those trainers’ Pokemon just participated in a grueling 6 vs. 6 where all of them except Charmander were knocked out, they would surely have a trouble facing off four, unscathed, Pokemon. I‘m not even sure they would have enough energy to battle at all. =/

The thing is, it just seemed like one attack after the other with hardly anything in between. For a battle for two Simple Pokemon, one Medium, and one Hard, the battle should be the length of Chapter 14 plus a little bit more. Which means not adding more attacks, but expanding on the overall description of the battle. The reactions of each Pokemon and the usage of the surroundings is something you did not include in your battle.

Outcome: Now, I had to think about this. On one hand, this was a pretty lengthy story with good description, but at the same time, the story itself seemed more of one battle after the other with Rocio and the gang seeming more like a distraction and not actually part of a bigger plot. The rest of the battles were well done, but the last battles with the Pokemon you’re aiming for simply paled in comparison. For now, I’m going to say: Nincada x2 and Bronzor captured, but Milktank not captured! If you want the cow, there are several things you need to do. First of all, flesh out Rocio by a lot because, right now, I know nothing about her. Really tell us about her so that we actually grow attached to her and her predicament; it’s hard to feel sorry for a character I know so little about. Second, extend the whole last battle, not just the part with Milktank. Make it two-sided between all of the Pokemon (do take in consideration that Chimchar, Charmander, and Kirlia just battle a very harsh battle while the other four are completely healthy), elaborate on the overall description of it, and include your surroundings, they are not fighting in a bubble. It may seem like a lot for Milktank, but that’s because length is really what saved you for the other three and the fact that you have a good amount of captures under your belt. When you do all that to the best of your ability (as in, not just a couple of lines here and there), I’ll give you Milktank. ~ .^

- Kat

poke123
06-19-2008, 02:40 AM
thanks for the grade

I edited it

i would like a regrade please

Phantom Kat
06-19-2008, 02:57 AM
Mmm, though I would have liked to know more about Rocio's her relations with the gang, what you added made me understand her motives more and the last battle was a lot better than last time. So, I still had to think about this a bit, Milktank capured! But do remember that for characrer devolopement such as Rocio, you need to evenly spread it out throughout the story. A plot is only as strong as the characters in it. Don't forget as you are writing that we need to know what the character is thinking, not just to reveal her feelings once or twice. But, don't make me regret giving you this Pokemon, work on what I said in the future, 'kay? As you can see, I'm going harsher 'cause you're not a newbie anymore. ~.^

- Kat

poke123
06-19-2008, 03:02 AM
thanks a lot Rocio!!!!

poke123
07-31-2008, 12:48 AM
Here's my next story and I want to enter it in the Summer Writing Competition.

Pokemon: Riolu
Category: 1 Complex; Riolu 30-40K
# Words: 9,778
# of Characters with no spaces: 42,993
# of Characters with spaces: 52,566
Status: Ready to grade!

btw the paragraphs in italic are kind of like flash backs, but none of the characters are remembering them, its more like a view into certain parts of the past

It sort of has to do with my previous 4 stories in that the main trainer from them is in it towards the end, but other than that it is unrelated, so i i'll include a small summary. So, here it is.

In my last story Johnny Rodriguez and his friend Max Banks enter a Pokemon tournament. Rocio Cyrus, a lonely girl, enters the same tournament, but wants to win it for a different reason. She wants to join a local gang, the Red Gyrados Gang, but they won't let her in unless she wins the Pokemon. The gang later resorts to cheating and framing Rocio. Fortunately, Johnny catches the gang in the act and the gang is arrested. Johnny wins the tournament by beating Rocio in the final round.

So that's out of the way and now here is my story.


Exile


Chapter 1: Blaze Kick
A cobalt-furred, jackal-like Pokemon zoomed through the crisp, night air with his right leg extended, completely ablaze with a magnificent, crimson fire. His leg collided with the moist, dirt floor making a loud noise which boomed through the cave. He stood triumphantly. He looked to his side where a small, blue and black canine-like Pokemon, similar to him, but with more puppy-like features, stood.

“That’s how what a perfectly executed Blaze Kick looks like, Son,” said the Lucario.

“Can I try it, Dad?” asked the small Riolu with excitement in his voice.

“Sure you can, Son, but in my experience, it’s easier to use an attack like this when you are under the pressure of a battle,” said the Lucario.

He looked at his surroundings and saw a rock formation which seemed out of place.

“Ted, come on out. I can see you there,” said the jackal-like Pokemon.

The rock formation began to move and a pair of eyes could be seen. A medium-sized Pokemon began walking on all four legs towards the Lucario and the Riolu. He had a big, gray body.

“Hey, Mr. Jameson. Hey, Kenny,” said the Lairon, “Sorry for spying on you like that, but I was bored and I wanted to see what you guys were doing.”

“You make me sound like an old Pokemon, just call me Kyle. I was just showing Kenny how to do a Blaze Kick and I was telling him that it’s easier to execute if you are battling someone else,” said Kyle.

“I can battle with you, Kenny. I’ve been itching for a battle all night,” said Ted eagerly.

“Don’t expect me to go easy on you, Ted,” said Kenny with a smile, as he lifted up his small, azure paws.

“Alright then, be careful and fight fair,” said Kyle.

Kenny wasted no time and ran at his opponent, leaving a white trail behind him. The claws on Ted’s small, gray paws began to glow and he began to dig into the dirt. He quickly dug into the ground just as Kenny was about to hit him. Kenny, not expecting his opponent to dodge, continued running and was unbalanced by a small, smooth stone on the floor, which resulted in Kenny stumbling onto the floor face first. He quickly stood up and shook his head. He looked at his surroundings. He was in a dark, damp cave, which was only illuminated by small, brown torches that were on the walls of the cave. There were several, old rock formations. The ground beneath him was soft, clay-like dirt. Suddenly, the dirt underneath him began to tremble and rise. Ted erupted from below the young Riolu, launching Kenny into the air. The Lairon quickly opened his mouth and an azure ball of water began to form in front of it. Then, he launched the blue sphere and it zoomed towards the small, puppy-like Pokemon who was still in the air. Kenny saw the Water Pulse speeding towards him and he quickly shifted his body to the side in order to avoid the attack. The attack barely grazed his azure fur. The Riolu landed on the floor on his feet. He focused his small, red eyes on his opponent’s blue eyes. Then, his whole right paw, including the ivory bump on the back of his paw, began glowing in a white color. He ran towards his metallic opponent, his glowing fist in the air. Kenny’s fist collided with Ted’s face, sending him rolling into the cave wall. The Lairon quickly got back up and ran towards the canine-like Pokemon with his head glowing in a white color. Kenny’s left paw begin to glow in a mauve color. Kenny’s Poison Jab collided with Ted’s Iron Head with great force. Lairon was pushed back by the attack. His silver, armor-plated back hit the moist, cave wall, making a loud sound. Ted struggled to get up and looked at his opponent angrily, looking at the Riolu’s red eyes which were almost hidden by a black “mask”. The Lairon dug into the ground, not wanting to give up yet.

“Now what do I do? I have to keep on my feet so Ted doesn’t attack me from below again,” thought Kenny.

The steel Pokemon erupted from the ground behind Kenny. Ted opened his mouth, revealing a row of sharp teeth, and bit down the Riolu’s long, blue tail. Kenny yelped out in pain as he felt Ted’s teeth dig into his tail. He quickly shifted his body weight to make his tail whip around and hopefully make Ted let go of his tail. The Lairon let go of his opponent’s tail when Kenny whipped his tail around. Ted looked at Kenny with a big smile in his face. He charged at the puppy-like Pokemon with great speed and slammed into him. The Riolu was launched into the sky by the sheer force of Ted’s Take Down. Kenny had been expecting Ted’s attack. A grin spread across Kenny’s face as he was in the air.

“Now, I can try using Blaze Kick,” thought the Riolu.

“Why is Kenny smiling? I just launched him into the air. Unless…” pondered the Lairon.

Kenny closed his eyes and concentrated all his energy on his right leg, which he stretched out in front of him. His azure leg was engulfed in a bright, crimson flame. The Riolu sped towards his opponent. Ted’s eyes widened as he realized that he was about to be hit with a powerful Blaze Kick. He wanted to move, but was paralyzed with fear. As Kenny got closer to Ted, the flame on his leg flickered out. Ted saw this and moved out of the way. Kenny crashed into the floor. He slowly stood up, but quickly sat back down. His leg was throbbing with pain from hitting the bare ground.

“Why didn’t the Blaze Kick work?” wondered Kenny.

Kyle walked in between both of the young Pokemon and began to talk.

“This battle is over. Ted wins because Kenny can’t continue fighting,” said the Lucario.

“But Dad,” complained the puppy-like Pokemon.

“Your leg is hurting from hitting the ground and this was a nice, long battle anyway. So don’t feel bad that you lost. Remember, you can’t always win. Good battle, Ted,” the jackal Pokemon said.

The small, steel Pokemon smiled.

“Thanks, Kyle,” said Ted as he began walking away, “I’m going to go to sleep now.”

“We should be going too, Kyle. School starts again tomorrow,” said Kyle to his son.

Kyle and Kenny walked through a small, dark tunnel that was on their left. After a few minutes of walking, they reached a large inlet of the cave. It was where Kenny, his soon-to-be sibling, and his parents lived. A Lucario stood in front of Kenny and Kyle. She looked like Kyle, but a little bit shorter. She also had soft, jade eyes, which were mesmerizing.

“So, what have you two been up to?” asked the female Lucario.

“Dad was just teaching me how to do a Blaze Kick,” said Kyle.

The female Lucario looked at her husband sternly.

“It wasn’t dangerous, Jessie. I was just teaching him a strong attack. Not many Pokemon are able to use that attack. So, I thought it would be pretty cool if he learned how to use it. He did pretty well. Not many people do as well as he did on his first try,” said Kyle.

“He needs to go to sleep. He has school tomorrow. I had to take care of the egg all night. You need to think about your other child too you know,” said Jessie with an angry face.

Kenny quietly entered his room. The living room had a small tunnel which led to Kenny’s room. His room was medium-sized. He had a torch on one side of the room and a small nest-like structure made out of pine straw in the middle. He lay down on the pile of brown pine-straw. He moved around until he was comfortable and slowly drifted off to sleep.

poke123
07-31-2008, 12:50 AM
Chapter 2: Back to School

The next morning, Kenny was awoken by a small ray of golden light leaked in through a crack in one of the walls in Kenny’s room. He yawned as he stretched his arms. He groggily got up and walked into the living room.

“I see you’re awake,” said Kyle.

Kenny just stood there, still half asleep.

“Well hurry up, Kenny. You don’t want to be late for the first day of fourth year. Only two more years, not including this one, until you graduate,” said Jessie holding back tears.

“Come on, Mom. That’s three years away. Don’t get all teary-eyed,” said Kenny.

Then, Kenny left his home and began walking through the long, dark tunnel which led to the rest of the cave. Now that he was in the main part of the cave, he saw the medium-sized tunnel which led to the school. He walked through the tunnel and walked into a small room with several rocks for the students to sit. Kenny saw Ted already talking to some of his friends. Kenny greeted the Lairons and Riolus that Ted was talking to. Kenny looked up and saw large bat-like Pokemon fluttering near the ceiling. They had large mouths with four small teeth and two small legs. They also had two large purple wings which kept them in the air. Then, a Lucario walked into the room.

“Everyone please sit in your seats,” said the Lucario.

Everyone quickly sat on a rock.

“Ok, my name is Mrs. Jaine and this is Aura 101,” said the teacher in a calm voice, “I will teach you all you need to know about Aura. Now, you all have learned about Aura in the last, few years of your education, but we will go more in depth. Now any questions?” asked the female Lucario.

A Golbat meekly raised her left wing.

“What is Aura?” asked the Golbat.

All the students turned to look at her as if she was crazy. The teacher just smiled.

“In a few words, Aura is life energy. Everyone has Aura. Pokemon have the special ability to sense Aura. Only one species of Pokemon are able to manipulate the Aura into energy. Does anyone know what Pokemon are able to do that?” asked the teacher.

Kenny smiled and raised his hand. He knew the answer to this question. The teacher acknowledged him and Kenny began to answer the question.

“Lucarios are the only Pokemon that can manipulate Aura,” said Kenny confidently.

“Correct,” said Mrs. Jaine, “I know that you have all learned how to sense Aura in other living things. I will teach you how to use your Aura to sense inanimate objects. You may be asking yourselves how this will help. Well, before you can graduate you need to pass an exam. There are many parts of the exam, but one of them requires you to dodge objects while blindfolded. To do this, you must know how to sense inanimate objects. Now, we will begin. I want all of you to put on a blindfold. I have one for each of you in the front of the classroom.”

All the Pokemon got up, picked up a rag from the front of the classroom, and sat back down.

“Now, all of you put on a blindfold. I am going to place an object somewhere in the room. It is a rock shaped like a pyramid. You need to clear your mind and try to feel everything in the room. When you think you’re sensing the rock, simply point in the direction where you think the rock is,” explained the teacher.

Kenny sighed. This was not going to be easy. He had a lot on his mind, but he tried his best to forget about all of it. He began to clear his mind and after a few minutes his mind was clear. Then, he tried to feel everything that was happening in the room. Slowly, he began to sense everything. First, he felt his fellow students. It was easier to sense them since they had Aura. It was as if he could see them, but without using his eyes. Then, he tried to sense his surroundings. After a few minutes, he began to sense something. It was faint, but he could sense a small, pyramid-like rock to his right. He pointed his paw to the right, in the direction where he sensed the rock. After everyone had pointed somewhere, Mrs. Jaine told them to remove their blindfolds. All the students removed their blindfolds and some were surprised to see that they had been completely wrong. The lesson continued until fewer students had gotten it wrong.

poke123
07-31-2008, 12:53 AM
Chapter 3: Breaking the Rule

Then, a question popped into Kenny’s mind.

“Do humans have Aura and can they sense it?” asked Kenny.

All the students in the class gasped. Mrs. Jaine got an angry look on her face.

“Mr. Jameson, you know the rules of the clan! To the Principal’s Office immediately!” yelled Mrs. Jaine angrily, pointing her paw at the entrance of the room.

Kenny was not surprised by her answer and quickly got up. He walked through the entrance of the room and walked began walking towards the Principal’s Office.

A loud screeching sound echoed through the cave.

“Human alert! Human alert!” screeched a purple bat.

The frantic Crobat quickly flew through the cave, warning everyone of the intruders. Two Lucarios, who were taking care of their son, quickly looked around for a place to hide. The male Lucario ushered his wife into the nearest inlet of the cave.

“Jessie, stay here,” said the male Lucario.

“But, Kyle-” stammered the female Lucario.

“You need to stay here and protect little Kenny. He’s only a year old,” said Kyle with confidence in his voice.

“Why do you need to go?” Jessie asked.
He walked into the office and a tall, but old Lucario, stood in front of him. The old Lucario shook his head.

“Kenny, the first day?” asked the old Lucario.

Kenny was silent.

“You’re in your fourth year of education. You’re six years old! That’s practically an adult! Only three more years and you can graduate. Why do you keep doing these things? Why today? Of the 183 days of the year, you pick the day we get back into school? Why do you keep asking about you-know-what?” asked the principal.

“I don’t know Mr. Celan. I’m just so curious about hu-, I mean you-know-what,” said Kenny sheepishly.

“Well, your father is a really good friend of mine, so I’ll give you a break. Please try not to mention you-know-what anymore. I can’t cover for you anymore and neither can your father. He’s second-in-command to the clan leader. How do you think that makes your father look? Think about that for a while. So, go on,” said Mr. Celan as he scratched the back of his head.

Kenny sighed and angrily walked out of the office. He felt really mad, but equally confused.

“Why are humans on my mind so much? I know that it’s against the rules to talk about them, but for some reason, I just can’t stop thinking about humans,” thought Kenny.

poke123
07-31-2008, 12:54 AM
Chapter 4: Clouded Mind

He headed to they gym, where his next class was held. He slowly walked in the large room and looked around. The walls and ceiling were very smooth and were an orange, clay-like color. He saw that his classmates were already in the center of the room. Ted motioned for him to join them.

“What did Mr. Celan say?” whispered Ted.

“He said not to talk about you-know-what,” responded Kenny.

A large Pokemon walked into the room. He looked like Ted except he was bigger and stood on two legs. He also had two large horns and a long black tail.

“Hello students, the name’s Razorback. But you will call me Mr. Razorback when we are in the gym. I will be your Athletics teacher,” said the Aggron loudly.

His voice was loud and boomed through the room whenever he talked.

“What we’re going to do today is going to test your Aura sensing skills. You will all be blindfolded and I will throw objects at you. This is similar to what you will do in your graduation test. Today, I won’t throw hard objects. What I have here is an Ariados Silk Ball. They are soft, so they won’t hurt, but try to dodge as many you can,” explained the Aggron as he held a small, silky, white ball in his right claw.

The whole class walked up to a pile of old rags and each picked one up. Kenny picked a raggedy, red one and put it on. He took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind, just as Mr. Razorback yelled that the exercise had begun. Kenny couldn’t clear his mind. He was too angry and confused. His curiosity for humans had gotten him into trouble, but he didn’t even know why he was so curious about humans in the first place. As he pondered all of this, he felt something soft hit his right arm. It took him a few seconds to realize what had happened. He had been distracted by his thoughts and had been hit by a ball. Kenny sighed and took his blindfold off. It looked like two other students had been hit before him. Mr. Razorback was not satisfied with the results when everyone had been hit. He made them do the exercise again and again. Kenny tried to clear his mind to no avail each time. By the time the class was over, Kenny left the classroom with one more emotion clouding his mind, frustration. Kenny had four more classes before school was over. To him the classes were easy, but today they frustrated him because he had so much on his mind.

poke123
07-31-2008, 12:58 AM
Chapter 5: Exploring

As soon as school let out, he quickly left. He needed some time to think. After walking for a minute, he saw Ted leaving the school and an idea popped into his head.

“Hey, Ted, want to go see something cool?” asked the eager Riolu.

“See what?” asked Ted.

“Just trust me; It’s really cool,” said Kenny eagerly.

“Sure, let’s go,” responded Ted half-heartedly.

Kenny looked around and motioned for Lairon to follow him. He went through a tunnel which was rarely used. Then, he proceeded to go through a series of tunnels which eventually led to an abandoned part of the cave. The ground was covered with gray ash from torches which had once been lit there. There were several, ragged stalactites hanging from the ceiling. Kenny squinted his eyes and looked around. It was difficult to see since there was barely any light.

“I have to go because I need to help Angus. It’s my duty as a male Lucario to help defend the clan. Don’t worry, I’ll be back when the clan is safe,” said Kyle with a serious look on his face.

He didn’t want to leave his wife and son, but it was his responsibility. Kyle ran to the cave entrance and saw the intruders. There were four weird looking creatures. They were about the size of a Lucario, but had no fur and their skin was peach-colored. The only fur they had seemed to be on their head. Each human’s head fur was a different color. Their body was covered in a sort of cloth that covered they’re entire body. They all took out small, red and white spheres and threw them in the air. Large Pokemon erupted from the spheres and the trainers ordered them to attack the Pokemon in the cave. A giant, turtle Pokemon was in front of Kyle. It had brown stubby legs and a green shell. It also had a luscious tree growing on its back. It roared at Kyle, telling him to give up. Kyle tried to reason with him as a fellow Pokemon, but the Torterra would not listen. He responded by telling Lucario that he had specific orders from his trainer and he had to listen to them. Long, green vines emerged from the Torterra’s shell and began whipping Kyle. Kyle sighed and decided he had to fight. He put his hands together and a blue sphere formed between them. He launched the cobalt sphere of energy at his opponent and the Torterra instantly fainted as soon as the ball of energy made contact with his body. He came across three other Pokemon that belonged to a trainer. He fought them, but was careful not to hurt them too much. He hated fighting a fellow Pokemon. It felt so barbaric to him.

He turned around to see that Angus looked weak and was trapped by two trainers and their Pokemon. Each trainer had a Pokemon which was about to attack Angus. One Pokemon was a large turtle that stood on his hind legs and had a brown shell. He had short, blue arms and a blue head. He also had gray cannons coming out of the back of his shell. The other Pokemon was a small, bird-like Pokemon. She had yellow feathers and large, orange thighs with grey talons at the end of them. Her arms had sharp claws at the end of them. She had a small orange beak and three orange feathers protruding from the top of her head. The Blastoise and Combusken used their strongest attacks on the cornered Lucario. The swirling mass of blazing fire and crystal-clear water sped towards Angus. Kyle’s instincts kicked in and he threw himself in front of the weakened Pokemon. The destructive attack engulfed Kyle and he collapsed to his knees. He was trembling with pain. Slowly, he got back up, determined to protect the clan leader. His face became serious and he took a fighting stance. His right leg was engulfed in a bright flame, but Kyle felt no pain because he had summoned that fire. He quickly kicked both of the Pokemon with his blazing leg. The trainers’ Pokemon were stunned that the Lucario had taken both of their attacks and was still standing. Kyle proceeded to fire several Aura Spheres at the trainers’ Pokemon. This knocked them out and sent the trainers running. Kyle turned to look at Angus. He looked like any Lucario except that he was a few inches taller. One thing that did put him apart from any other Lucario was that the spike on his chest was broken off. No one knew how it happened and no one dared to ask him. Kyle clutched his chest and fell to the floor in pain.

After a few minutes of searching, he found what he was looking for. He told Ted to follow him as he approached a peculiar rock. It didn’t look out of place in the cave when seen from afar, but when seen from close up, it clearly did not belong there. It was unnaturally smooth for a rock and had an odd color underneath the thick layer of grime that it had. Kenny approached it and tried to pick the strange object up. It was wedged between some rocks and took some strong pulling from Kenny to get it out. He softly blew on it and saw that he had a small sphere in his hand. It was half red and half white. It also had a small, white button in the middle of it.

“What is it?” asked the Lairon.

“I don’t know. I heard about a weird thing that used to belong to humans and it sparked my interest,” said Kenny calmly.

“This belonged to humans? Are you crazy, Kenny?” Ted asked furiously.

“Calm down, Ted. It’s not like it’s going to hurt us,” said the Riolu, attempting to calm Ted down.

“No, put it back now,” said Ted angrily.

Ted approached the sphere in Riolu’s hand. He was about to nudge it onto the floor, but he accidentally touched the small, circular button in the center of ball. It creaked open and a bright, crimson light shot out, briefly illuminated the cave and engulfed the Lairon completely. After he was covered with the red light, he was sucked into the ball and the small sphere closed. Kenny gasped and dropped the sphere. He was quivering with fear.

“What happened to Ted? What is that ball?” wondered Kenny.

poke123
07-31-2008, 01:00 AM
Chapter 6: Facing the Consequences

Kenny started to panic. What was he going to do? His best friend had just been sucked into a weird sphere that had once belonged to humans. He had to think of something. He quickly scooped up the ball and began running towards the main part of the cave. He was frantically looking around to see if he could find his father, who would know what to do. In doing so, he bumped into a Lucario, making him fall backwards and drop the sphere. He looked up and saw that the Lucario’s chest spike was broken. It was Angus, the leader of the clan! Angus grunted at the sight of the small Riolu, but when he saw the small, red and white ball, his ruby eyes widened. His face reddened with fury and he began to shout.

“What are you doing with that?!?” shouted the Lucario.

His voice boomed through the cave. Everyone who was nearby, turned to see the conflict between the Lucario and the Riolu.

“I found it in an abandoned part of the cave,” said Kenny meekly.

Lucario took a deep breath and began shouting again.

“What were you thinking?” asked Angus angrily.

“I don’t know, but that’s not what’s important right now. Ted, my friend, got trapped inside of it and I don’t know how to get him out. I need your help, please,” pleaded the Riolu.

Angus began growling with anger and stared at Kenny. He picked up the ball and pressed the button in the middle. It creaked open again and a Lairon emerged from it. Ted looked around and saw that he was in the main part of the cave. Angus tossed the sphere in the air and formed a crackling, blue sphere of energy between his paws. It zoomed through the air and disintegrated the sphere upon contact.

“You know the rules and you continue to break them! One rule! It’s the most important rule of this clan and you choose to break it continually! I’ve had it! I challenge you to an Ex-Battle,” stated Angus.

A few Pokemon gasped at the statement.

“But I-” stammered Kenny.

“You have no choice. The battle will be now. You know the rules. We battle until someone faints. If you win, you stay and we act like this never happened. If you lose, you are exiled from Coronet Mountain and the surrounding area. This means that you can no longer return, no matter the circumstances,” said the Lucario as he got in a fighting stance.

Kenny tried to talk his way out of it, but Angus would not stand for it. Kenny scrambled into a fighting stance, realizing that he had to fight whether he wanted to or not. Angus balled his black paw and it began to glow in a bright, white color. Angus ran towards the small Riolu with his glowing fist in the air. His fist swooped down to hit the Riolu on the right side of his face, but Kenny was expecting the attack and simply ducked to escape the attack. Then, Kenny’s paw began to glow in a mauve color and he jabbed the clan leader in the stomach. Angus acted as if he didn’t feel Kenny’s move and attacked again. This time, the spike on the back of his paw became three, long, gray blades. He rapidly slashed Kenny across the face multiple times. Kenny fell backwards. He grabbed his face which hurt because of the multiple cut wounds on his face. He slowly stood up to face his opponent. Kenny’s right leg began to glow with a blazing fire and he tried to kick the Lucario, but before his leg could reach him, the flame flickered out. Angus grabbed Kenny's leg and threw him onto the floor. Searing pain shot through his back. His back had hit a sharp rock. Kenny was quivering in pain. He tried to get up, but fell on his face. Then, he tried to get up again and was successful. He faced his opponent again, but Angus had been waiting for him. Angus’ black paw was heading towards Kenny’s face. The palm of Angus’ paw collided with the little puppy’s face and everything went dark.

Kenny slowly opened his eyes and saw that he was surrounded by various Pokemon.

“Why are you so weird?” Ted asked Kenny.

“I-” stammered Kenny.

“Why did we have a son who breaks rules and is so weak,” said Kyle and Jessie.

“But, Mom, Dad, I’m not weak. I don’t know why I break that rule. I just have this weird curiosity about humans,” said Kenny trying to hold back tears.

“We don’t care. We wish we had a better child. Someone who was not like you at all,” responded Kenny’s parents with angry looks on their faces.

“But I-” Kenny tried to say.

A single, crystal tear rolled down Kenny’s cheek and dropped to the damp cave floor.

“You are an embarrassment to the clan!” shouted Angus, who appeared from the shadows, “Let’s ask everyone, ok? Who is an embarrassment to the clan?”

“Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!” said the Pokemon surrounding Kenny.

“No!” shouted Kenny as he shielded his face.

Something began to nudge him slowly, while everyone was shouting his name. Then, he sat up with a jolt. He soon regretted doing so. His whole body was aching. It was as if he had gotten Body Slammed by a Snorlax. He saw his mother sitting next to him with a small bowl with crushed berries in it.

“Mom?” said the weakened Pokemon.

“Shh, don’t say anything. You’re still weak from your battle,” said Jessie.

“What happened?” asked the puppy-like Pokemon.

“Angus knocked you out with his Force Palm attack. You’ve been unconscious for the last three days. After he knocked you out, he told his third-in-command to take you to the limits of Coronet Mountain and dump you there. Your father and I tried to stop him, but Angus wouldn’t let us. I’ve been sneaking out the last few days to help you. I couldn’t just leave you, you’re my son,” said the jackal Pokemon.

“So, when do we go home?” Kenny asked, hoping to receive the answer that he wanted.

There was an unnerving silence.

“You don’t go home, Son. It was an Ex-Battle and you lost. You are exiled from Coronet Mountain forever,” said Jessie with a slight quiver in her voice.

“But, Mom, what am I supposed to do? Are you and Dad going to come live with me outside of the mountain?” asked Kenny, afraid of what his mother might answer.

“I’m sorry, but we can’t. It’s too risky for us because we’d have to find a home for all three of us and food is scarce this time of year,” said Jessie sadly.

“Mom, please-” said Kenny before he was cut off.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to stay here with you, but your father is right. It is too risky for all of us. I also have a duty to my students because I’m a teacher and even more to my future son or daughter. It’s still in the egg. There’s no way we can travel with an egg. You’re grown up now anyway. You’re six years old. Only three years from being an adult. I wish you the best of luck, Son. Remember, you are strong. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. Please be careful,” said Jessie as she began to cry.

“Mom, I’ll be fine,” said Kenny as he hugged his mother.

He began to slowly walk away. Even though he had told his mother that he was going to be ok, he was not sure that he would be. Jessie’s head hung low as she walked back to the cave. Small tears were rolling down her cheeks. She turned to see her son walking into the forest.

“I love you, Kenny,” she whispered, not knowing if she would ever see her first-born again.

poke123
07-31-2008, 01:01 AM
Chapter 7: A New Strange World

Kenny didn’t have anywhere to go, so he would have to walk until he found shelter. His journey would begin in the lush, jade forest in the outskirts of Coronet Mountain. He walked into the thick forest. He had never seen a forest before. Grass was new to him. The small blades of green grass tickled his feet as he walked into the forest. A light breeze blew through the forest, covering the Riolu. He took a deep breath, never having felt a breeze in his life. There were many insects on the brown branches of the tall trees. Kenny looked at his surroundings.

“I’ve never been in a forest. What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go?” wondered Kenny.

He decided he would look for food first. After searching through many trees and bushes and throwing away the poisonous berries that he found, he ended up with a small pile of azure, rotund berries the size of his head. He had even managed to find one of his favorite berries, a Pinap Berry. It was a dark yellow color and had a small, green leaves growing off the top of it. The berry had a cylindrical shape. He decided he would start with that berry since it was his favorite. He bit into the small fruit, but disliked the flavor. It tasted sour to him. The berry was supposed to be spicy, which he liked, but in his current situation, he just couldn’t enjoy anything. He threw it to the floor in anger. Why did he have to be so curious about humans?

Angus saw the valiant Lucario protecting him and fainting after warding off the two trainers. Angus quickly helped him up and gave him a special berry that he had hidden away. It was a round, yellow berry with small spots on it. Angus fed the unconscious Lucario the healing berry. The Lucario who had helped him slowly began to wake up after eating the Sitrus Berry. Kyle stood up and looked around to see that there were no more trainers in the main part of the cave.

“Thank you for saving me,” said Angus, grateful for Kyle saving his life, “What is your name?”

“My name is Kyle. It was my duty to protect the clan leader from harm,” said Kyle modestly.

“For your bravery, you will be my second-in-command,” stated Angus.

“Me?” asked Kyle.

“Someone of your bravery and dedication to the clan should be my second-in-command,” responded the clan leader with a smile.

Jessie stood in front of her son, protecting him from the two trainers that wanted to capture them.

“Leave us alone!” Jessie yelled telepathically so that the humans could understand her.

The two trainers were awestruck that the Lucario was talking to them. A few seconds later, they reached into their pockets and took out some Pokeballs. Then, they threw them into the air, releasing their Pokemon.

Kenny had been watching this. Two strange Pokemon had appeared in front of his mother. He wondered why she yelled at them. The two hairless Pokemon seemed afraid of his mother, though he could not understand why. She was such a nice and caring Pokemon. Kenny quickly lost interest in the matter and decided he would explore. He began walking through the cave, jumping in small, murky puddles that had been made from water, dripping from the stalactites above. Kenny happily ran through the cave without a worry in the world. Suddenly, he no longer felt the damp cave floor beneath him. He had run over a cliff and was about to plummet to his certain death, but something grabbed his leg. He giggled as he was dangling upside down.

“This is fun!” he laughed, “Do it again! Do it again!”

He was slowly pulled up and was face-to-face with a Pokemon that looked like the ones that his mother had been talking to. This creature had no hair, except for on his head, which was jet black like the fur on Kenny’s face. He also had five fingers instead of one big paw. The strange Pokemon had peach-colored skin. The lower half of his face had short hair that would eventually form a beard. Kenny was deeply intrigued by this creature that had saved him. He looked deeply into the Pokemon’s coffee colored eyes, which seemed almost mesmerizing.

“Are you ok little buddy?” asked the strange Pokemon.

Kenny was speechless, so he simply nodded. The hairless creature began to walk away, glad that he had helped a Pokemon.

He took a deep breath and picked the bitten Pinap Berry up off of the grass. He proceeded to finish the Pinap berry and some of the other berries that he had collected. He needed to keep the rest in case he couldn’t find any the next day. The sun began to set, turning the sky into a beautiful painting with magnificent shades of red and orange. Kenny saw the sun setting and began to look for a place to sleep. Since he could not find a shelter, he decided to sleep on the soft, grass surface of the forest, right next to his pile of berries. He slowly drifted off to sleep, hoping that the next day would be better.

poke123
07-31-2008, 01:02 AM
Chapter 8: A Revealing Dream

As soon as he closed his eyes, he heard a voice calling him. He opened them again and found himself in the sky, floating with ease. His mother was floating next to him with a smile on her face.

“Hello, Kenny,” she said happily.

“Mom, is that really you?” Kenny asked with excitement in his voice.

“No, Son, you are dreaming. The only reason you’re even having this dream is because you mind is troubled,” Jessie said calmly.

“Troubled?” asked Kenny.

“You have a lot on your mind. You are wondering why you have a curiosity for humans and why you can’t just let it go,” said Jessie.

“Yes, exactly!” yelled the young Riolu, happy that someone understood him.

“It’s because of something that happened when you were little, the Human Raid,” Jessie said with deep sadness in her voice.

“I sort of remember that. A few of the clan got taken away and I stayed with you. Dad saved Angus that day and he became second-in-command,” said Kenny wondering how that mattered.

“Well that day, something happened that we made you forget about. Apparently, you haven’t forgotten completely. You see, while you stayed with me, two humans attacked us. They sent four of their Pokemon against us. Humans have the technology to trap Pokemon in small spheres they call Pokeballs. Once in there, the humans force the Pokemon to obey them and fight for them. I didn’t want to fight because you might get hurt, but I had to in the end. The Pokemon I faced were not hard to beat and the battle was over in a matter of minutes, but when I turned around, you weren’t there. I searched for you for a few minutes and found you near the edge of a cliff. You told me that you had run off the cliff, but a strange hairless Pokemon had saved you. I knew instantly that you were talking about a human. Your father and I didn’t know what to do. You kept on talking about it whenever you had the chance. So, we kept telling you that you dreamt it and convincing you that it had never happened until you stopped mentioning it altogether. Even though you forgot about it, the image of the human that saved your life is still in your mind. That’s what makes you so curious. I can’t tell you what the human looks like because you’re the only person who saw him,” said Jessie.

Kenny’s jaw dropped.

“I-” Kenny tried to say.

His mother shook her head.

“It’s what happened, so don’t ask questions because I can’t answer them. I can only answer what you know. This is your dream, remember?” asked Jessie.

poke123
07-31-2008, 01:03 AM
Chapter 9: A Rude Awakening

Kenny was about to answer, but all of a sudden his mother opened her mouth and a long stream of water shot out of it. It engulfed Kenny and he was knocked back. He blinked a few times and before he knew it he was back on the forest floor. In front of him was the Pokemon responsible for waking him from his revealing dream. A human stood behind the water Pokemon, hoping to catch the rare Riolu. The brunette trainer was bent on catching the Pokemon. Kenny was staring at her soft, blue eyes, which revealed nothing. He quickly looked at his opponent, hoping to find some kind of obvious weak spot. He saw that his opponent was a blue Pokemon with a white stomach. The Pokemon had a thin, black swirl on her stomach. Her jet black eyes were sticking out of the top of her body, staring menacingly at Kenny. She had small sapphire feet and small arms. She was wearing what looked like snowy-colored gloves on her hands. Kenny had never seen a Pokemon like this before.

Poliwhirl was the first make a move. She squinted her dark eyes and a cold stream of water shot out of the center of the swirl on her stomach. The Riolu quickly sidestepped to dodge the attack. Then, Kenny ran at the blue Pokemon with his right paw glowing in a soft shade of violet. When he was close enough, Kenny’s paw zoomed through the air and was about to hit the water Pokemon, but she grabbed the Riolu’s paw in her hand and twisted it. Kenny yelped out in pain, but unbeknownst to the Poliwhirl, Kenny’s left hand was glowing in a bright light. He quickly punched the Tadpole Pokemon several times until she loosened her grip on the young Riolu’s paw. Kenny continued his attack by lifting his leg and rapidly kicking the Poliwhirl in her stomach. She flinched and stumbled backward, holding her stomach in pain. Kenny deduced something from this; her stomach was probably her weak spot. The Tadpole Pokemon took no time to rest and ran up to the puppy-like Pokemon and began to repeatedly slap him across the face, jerking Kenny’s face left and right. Kenny was knocked onto his back. Determined to beat her, Kenny jumped up and put up his fists, prepared to beat his opponent at any cost.

“I have to beat this trainer. I can’t be caught by a trainer,” thought Kenny.

His opponent stared at Kenny and black, billowing smoke emerged from her stomach, engulfing the Riolu. The Tadpole Pokemon shot several streams of water, splashing the puppy in the face. Kenny shook his head, getting the water off of his face. The smoke slowly cleared revealing the trainer holding a Pokeball in her hand. The trainer was confident she would catch the Riolu, but Kenny wasn’t about to give up.

“What can I do? I don’t have to win. I just can’t get caught. Wait a minute, I know what to do!” thought Kenny excitedly.

He opened his mouth and heavy smoke surrounded and consumed the Poliwhirl and her trainer. Kenny quietly snuck away, using the smoke as cover. He quickly dashed in between trees, putting as much distance between him and the trainer as possible.

“I’m so glad that my Copycat attack worked. I never thought I’d actually use it,” Kenny chuckled to himself.

After a few minutes of vigorous sprinting, Kenny stopped to rest for a while. He was out of breath and felt like he was about collapse from exhaustion. He slowly walked into a clearing with lush, green grass.

poke123
07-31-2008, 01:04 AM
Chapter 10: Familiar Faces

All of a sudden, a demonic-looking dog jumped out from behind a tree and fiercely growled at Kenny. The dog was large and soot-colored. He had two ivory, curved horns on the top of its head which made it look devilish. He also had a long black tail which ended in an arrowhead. His snout and underbelly were brick-colored. Two white, rib-like bands streaked across his back. Each of the Houndoom’s ankles had two white bands. The dog seemed to have a collar around his neck with a skull pendant in the middle.

A trainer walked next to his large dog Pokemon. The trainer had blond hair and aqua-colored, unforgiving eyes, which stared into Kenny’s crimson eyes.

“Houndoom, use Flamethrower,” said the trainer, not showing any emotion at all.

Before the Houndoom could open his mouth, a purple smoke swept into the clearing and hung there like a curtain.

A mysterious, but familiar voice whispered, “Use your Aura powers to follow me.”

Kenny closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind, but with everything that was going on, it just wasn’t possible. Fortunately, Kenny managed to barely feel two Auras running away from the trainer. He followed them until they were far away from the trainer. When he felt he was safe, he turned to see his saviors. A purple bat was flapping her wings in front of him. She had a small body with two stubby legs. She also had two pairs of wings, one of which was a shade of cerulean. The other Pokemon was a large wolf. He had gray fur covering most of his body, but had a thick coat of coal-black fur on his back. His paws were also a darker shade of gray. They both looked at Kenny with their rubicund eyes.

“Aunt Jenny! Uncle Jay! I can’t believe it’s you!” shouted Kenny, excited that something was finally going his way.

“Hey there, kiddo,” said the Mightyena, happy to see the Riolu.

“How did you guys find me?” asked the eager puppy.

“Well, as soon as you were knocked out and banned, your mom sent word to us that you would have to live in the outside world. So, we told her one of us would take you in, since we live in different places. So, we both met up and went to look for you in the outskirts of Coronet Mountain, but you weren’t there. We found you after a while though. We saw you collecting berries and we wanted to see how well you’d do,” explained the Crobat.

“We even helped out a little when you ran away from that first trainer. You see, the trainer wanted to chase after you, but we fought against her Pokemon and beat them, so she didn’t come after you. Then, we saw that other trainer attacking you, so we had to get you out of there because we were too tired to take on a strong trainer like that. So, let’s go. You’re going to live with one of us, we haven’t decided with whom yet, but remember we have rules. We’ll explain those on the way,” said the Mightyena as he began to walk.

The Crobat and the Mightyena were starting to leave, but Kenny did not move.

“You guys can’t tell me what to do! I don’t have to follow any stupid rules!” yelled the young Pokemon angrily.

“What are you yelling at us for?” asked the Crobat, extremely confused by Kenny’s reaction.

“I-I don’t know,” sighed Kenny, “I guess it’s because my whole life got turned upside down because of a stupid rule, which I didn’t even mean to break. I really didn’t.”

Kenny fell to his knees and tears began to flow down his face. Jenny and Jay comforted Kenny and told him that it was going to be ok, unsure that what they were saying was going to be true or not.

Suddenly, a Houndoom ran up to the three Pokemon and began to howl.

“Master James! I found the Riolu!” howled the dog.

The trainer was right behind him. He ordered his Pokemon to attack the Riolu, but Jenny and Jay shielded Kenny.

“Run Kenny! We’ll hold them off! We can meet up where you battled the first trainer!” shouted the two Pokemon.

Kenny hesitated, but decided to listen to Jenny and Jay. He ran as far away as he could before he began to get dizzy. The running and the fighting had taken a lot out of him. He struggled to remain conscious and collapsed onto the soft grass.

poke123
07-31-2008, 01:08 AM
Chapter 11: Fighting for Freedom

Kenny slowly opened his eyes, only to find himself in a weird place. It was a strange kind of room. Everything was smooth, instead of the ragged surfaces he was used too. He was lying on some sort of weird object which was extremely soft. There seemed to be strange lights shining down on him from the ceiling. A human walked into the room. This human was different from the other two humans he had met. She had pink hair and was wearing a dress, but that wasn’t what made her different. Kenny could see in her eyes that she was caring and was worried for his health. The nurse motioned for Riolu to leave the room, pointing at a door. She wasn’t kicking him out. She knew that he wanted to leave. Kenny smiled at the nurse, thankful that she understood him. He walked out and began walking through the thick forest. He had to get back to the outskirts of Coronet Mountain. He walked for an hour before realizing that he was lost. He stopped to look around and see if he recognized something, but it was to no avail. Then, Kenny heard something behind him. He turned around and saw two Pokemon talking to each other. Kenny quickly hid behind a thick trunk. One was a scarlet lizard, who stood on his hind legs. He had a horn-like protrusion on the top of his head and a long tail which ended in a small flame which seemed to dance on the tip of his tail. The other was an orange monkey who had a small tuft of fur on its head. He also had a swirl on his stomach and a flame on his rear, similar to the Charmeleon’s. They seemed deep in conversation.

“You can’t beat me. Remember the tournament? I beat you. Face it, my Flare Blitz is stronger than any of your attacks,” said the lizard arrogantly.

“No way, I could beat you easily!” responded the chimpanzee angrily.

“Then why couldn’t you beat me in the tournament?” the Charmeleon asked smugly.

“You’re just cocky because you evolved a few days ago. I don’t need to evolve to be stronger. I’m stronger than you right now,” said the Chimchar with a grin on his face.

“You wouldn’t even be here if Johnny and Max didn’t let your trainer come on their journey,” the fire lizard said.

“It’s your trainer’s fault. She had to do something. If she didn’t leave Jubilife City, the rest of the Red Gyrados Gang would hurt her. Your trainer got the leader of the Red Gyrados Gang arrested. So, the rest of the gang was going to go after her. And another thing-” said Chimchar, stopping in mid-sentence.

The chimpanzee looked around, as if he was looking for something. He was staring at the tree which hid Kenny. Chimchar had a half-smile on his face.

“Hey, whoever is hiding behind that tree, you better reveal yourself or we’ll burn the trees down until we find you,” said the Chimchar.

Kenny’s crimson eyes widened and he knew he was caught. He slowly left his hiding place and revealed himself to the two fire Pokemon.

“Listen, I wasn’t spying on you. I’m just lost,” explained Kenny.

Charmeleon opened his mouth to respond, but a human appeared from behind him.

“There you are Inferno,” said the black-haired human.

Kenny was about to run away, but his body wouldn’t move. He was shocked by the human’s appearance and was frozen in place as a result.

“Who is this human? Why do I feel like I know him? That’s impossible because I’ve never seen a human other than those two trainers that attacked me. Unless…” thought the Riolu.

Suddenly, all the memories from the fateful night that had changed his life so many years ago, rushed into Kenny’s mind. Right then, he knew. That human looked like the human who had saved him when he was little. Though there was something different about him. This human had brown eyes and messy, jet black hair and shared other qualities with the human who saved him, but he seemed much younger than the other human.

The human’s eyes widened upon seeing the Riolu. He knew that it was a rare Pokemon that was not easily found.

“Come on, Inferno, we’re going to catch that Riolu,” the human said to his Charmeleon.

“Watch this Jackie,” Inferno said to the Chimchar, “I’m gonna beat this Riolu and Johnny is gonna catch him.”

Kenny stepped back and was about to run.

“Wait, let’s battle!” yelled the lizard.

“I won’t be caught by a trainer, I just won’t,” said Kenny as he shook his head.

“Alright then, you won’t be caught. All you have to do is beat me and I’ll let you escape. By the way, my name is Inferno and I’m the strongest fire Pokemon you will ever meet,” Inferno said with pride.

“Alright, let’s see how strong you really are,” responded the cobalt-furred puppy as he got into a fighting stance.

Inferno was the first to move. He ran at the Riolu and when he was close enough, he shifted his wait and slammed his tail, which was now glowing, into Kenny’s small body. The Charmeleon expected to knock the small Pokemon down, but Kenny held his ground. He took advantage of having his opponent close to him and rapidly began to kick the lizard on his back. Inferno fell face-first from the barrage of kicks. He scrambled to his feet and a scowl covered his face. He inhaled and heat began to accumulate deep within his body. A few seconds later, white-hot tongues of fire erupted out of the fire lizard’s mouth in the form of a menacing spiral of fire. Kenny tried to escape, but he was soon engulfed by the swirling vortex of fire. The fire burnt his fur in many places leaving charcoal-black marks all over his body. When the fire died down, Kenny was still standing. He had been burnt, but still had the will to fight. He quickly thought of what to do. He opened his mouth and a spiral of fire, exactly like Inferno’s, erupted from it. When the Charmeleon had been engulfed by the fire, Riolu smirked, happy that his Copycat attack had worked once again. Then, Inferno emerged from the giant vortex of fire, completely unscathed. The fire Pokemon ran at Kenny with his long, sharp claws extended, ready to cut into the Riolu’s soft skin. The puppy ducked just as the Charmeleon’s claws were about to dig into his face and slammed the palm of his paw into Inferno’s stomach. The Charmeleon’s eyes bulged out as he clutched his stomach in pain. The wind had been knocked out of him. Kenny saw that his opponent was now wheezing and out of breath so he took advantage of this. He ran at Inferno with the tip of his paw glowing in a deep shade of violet. The Poison Jab attack slammed into the lizard’s right cheek, jerking his head in the other direction and knocking him to the floor. Inferno was motionless. He did not move, but he began to talk to Kenny.

“Listen, kid, go ahead and leave. You beat me so fair is fair. My trainer is persistent and will send out some another Pokemon to fight. So, go now,” wheezed the Charmeleon.

Kenny shook his head.

“I’ve decided to stay and battle until I beat your trainer. I’ve been running a lot and I think I need to stop,” said the puppy sternly.

The last words that Kenny’s mother had said to him in the outskirts of the mountain range rung in his head. He was strong and now he had a chance to prove it. Inferno tried to say something, but Johnny returned his Pokemon to his Pokeball and took out another Pokeball out. Kenny stood there, ready for anything. A brown and white bird emerged from the round sphere and soared into the sky. Then, he flew down to his trainer’s level, flapping his wings to stay at that height. The bird had a small tuft of feathers that was sticking out of the back of his head and curved forward. He flew at the Riolu at high speed, striking Kenny with his orange beak over and over again. Kenny was knocked back each time and was slowly weakening. The Staravia landed and began to catch his breath. Riolu took this chance and ran at the bird, but stopped before he reached the opposing Pokemon. He began to clutch his face in pain. The same place where he had been Force Palmed by Angus began to hurt again.

“Ace, finish this off with Aerial Ace!” yelled the trainer.

Ace sped towards Kenny and rammed his body into the Riolu’s body, which knocked him down. Kenny slowly got up and ran towards the bird. He quickly stopped when he was in front of the Staravia. Then, his right leg was engulfed in a flame. He lifted his leg and slammed his flame-engulfed leg into the bird’s face. Ace was pushed back and soared into the sky for one last attack.

“Alright, let’s finish this for real this time. Use Brave Bird!” commanded Johnny.

Ace was engulfed in a sapphire light and flew at Kenny so quickly that the Riolu had no time to react. He was knocked back ten feet and his body slammed into a tree. He slumped to the floor, barely clinging onto consciousness.

Johnny reached into his pocket and pulled out a sphere exactly like the object that had gotten Kenny exiled from Coronet Mountain. The dark-eyed trainer threw the small sphere at the motionless Riolu. Kenny had enough energy to move out of the way and escape, but he didn’t know if he should.

“I can move, but should I? Everyone says that trainers are bad. Maybe I should find out for myself,” thought Kenny as the ball tapped his head.

He was engulfed in a magnificent crimson light and he felt weightless. All of his pain and anger faded away and Kenny finally felt at peace.



OOC: So yea, I hope that I get this Pokemon. Here is the character count again.

Pokemon: Riolu
Category: 1 Complex; Riolu 30-40K
# Words: 9,778
# of Characters with no spaces: 42,997
# of Characters with spaces: 52,570
Status: Ready to grade!

Phantom Kat
08-26-2008, 06:05 AM
Remember that project I had to for summer? Well, turns out I don’t have English this semester, and I don’t have to turn it in until I have that class. Who would’ve thunk it?

Plot: Kenny is an adolescent Riolu who has a dangerous curiosity with humans. One day during school, he lets the wrong question slip and is sent to the principal’s office. After the older Lucario warns him, Kenny is still confused about why he is so curious. After school, he leads his friend Ted, a Lairon, to a spot where he found a mysterious item. The item, a Poke Ball, sucks Ted into its depths, and when he tries to find his father, he bumps into the clan leader, Angus. After seeing the Poke Ball, he released Ted and fights Kenny in an Ex-Battle. Kenny loses and thus, exiled.

After leaving his mother, he wanders around and begins to understand why he is so curious. After a meeting with two trainers, he meets up with two familiar faces. However, as the trainer comes back, Kenny runs and then awakens in a Pokémon Center. After getting out, he sees a Chimchar and a Charmaleon and is involved in a battle. Deciding that he needs to stop and think, he lets himself be captured.

This was a pretty good plot, I honestly enjoyed reading the story. Kenny does portray this preteen Pokémon who is too curious for his own good, and as shown in the anime, young Pokémon do act that way. The way you added a part of the flashback as you wrote was really good and it worked much better than if you had just added the whole thing at once. With that, you had this suspense vibe going on.

My only complaint is that you should have focused just a bit more on the emotional parts of the story. As I read, I could see that you tried to add some emotion, but I can see you do better. Try this next time, it might help you: When you get to this dramatic scene (I.e. finding out he can’t come back home with his mom), stop writing about what the character is physically doing. When you get to that scene in the story, imagine what the character must be feeling emotionally. Did his hearts seem to break into two? Did the world seem to suddenly stop spinning? When you get to that part, write as much as you can about what the character is emotionally feeling. Think of it as sort of a pause button where you top the story to focus on one thing: what the character is emotionally feeling. Once you feel that you have written everything the character is feeling, then you can continue with the story. It might not be the best technique out there, but what I want you to do is to get into the habit of delving deeper into your character’s psyche.

I also wondered why the Lucario clan seemed to think of humans as such as a deadly taboo. Surely one raid couldn’t have done all of this, can it? Just something I thought you could have elaborated on more.

Introduction: Pretty good here. You started off with a battle, introduced us to all of the main characters, and I could picture the setting and characters. No qualms here, keep up the good work.

Grammar/Spelling: This was top notch. The most I saw here were missing commas which could easily be fixed by some careful proofreading. There are some things I want to point out:

It engulfed Kenny, and he was knocked back.

You add a comma before “but”, “so”, and “or” when you are connecting two sentences, but you neglect to do that when you use “and” all throughout your story. Make sure you start adding those commas.

Second:

Ted opened his mouth, revealing a row of sharp teeth, and bit down the Riolu’s long, blue tail. Kenny yelped out in pain as he felt Ted’s teeth dig into his tail. He quickly shifted his body weight to make his tail whip around and hopefully make Ted let go of his tail. The Lairon let go of his opponent’s tail when Kenny whipped his tail around.

In this paragraph, you use the word “tail” many times, and when I read it, it got redundant. You have a tendency to use the same word many times in the same paragraph or section, and it’s boring when someone reads it. If you can, try to replace the word with a synonym (I.e. Instead of “tail”, you can use “ the long appendage”), or if that doesn’t work, even “it” will be better. Just reread your story to spot spots like that.

And third, most of the time, when a character talks, you simply put “asked” or “said”. There are times that you use better words, but for the most part, you use “said” and “asked”. Try varying it, because even changing something like “said” or “sneered” can really help the reader understand what kind of person your character is. Using stuff like “quipped with a cocky grin”, “whispered with downcast eyes”, and “snarled with narrowed eyes” in place of “said” can REALLY spice up a story. I highly suggest taking this into account, because it can really help you in your stories.

Length: Hey, poke, the 52K count is with the spaces, and the 42K count is without the spaces; you got them mixed up. ^^; That aside, though, perfect, you did your math.

Description/Detail: Every time I read your latest story, I see your description and detail improving (which makes me proud, btw ;) You described all of the characters form the Pokémon to the less important humans. All of the settings were nicely described along with attacks and actions. All I suggest is working on making the descriptions smoother. What I mean is, avoid describing stuff as: “He had a tan underbelly and a forked tongue that smelled the air.” You’re describing, but you’re just telling us.

Make it livelier, less obvious. Something like: “As the Pokémon pounded his tan underbelly, his forked tongue tasted the air, searching for his newest meal.” Is not all that different, but it’s more interesting and not as boring.

This is my challenge, my friend: From here on, avoid writing things like, “He had a horn and long tail.” From here on, spice it up, add some life into the description. I GURANTEE you that your stories will be loads better. Stuff like this can make the difference between losing someone on the first paragraph or gaining a new reader.

Battle: Another of your strong areas. The battles were two-sided, you used many attacks, and everything was nicely described. In the future, use more of your surroundings. I know you have used them in your past stories, but it’s especially important for harder Pokémon like Riolu.

Outcome: This story was just perfect for the jackal, in my opinion. The plot was interesting, the grammar and description were excellent, and the battles were nicely written. So, Riolu captured! I’m SO sorry you had to wait this long. If I would’ve known that it wouldn’t get graded by now, I would have tried to read this earlier. D: Well, I hope this grade (and Pokémon) makes up for it, poke. Keep on writing, and good luck in the competition! :D

- Kat

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:09 AM
Ok, so here is my latest story.

Pokemon: Castform and Staryu
Category: 1 Complex and 1 Hard; Castform 30-40K and Staryu 20-30K
# Words: 8,888
# of Characters with no spaces: 40,198
# of Characters with spaces: 48,864
Status: Ready to grade!



The paragraphs in italics are flashbacks that only the character Alex remembers. (He's not exactly thinking about them, it just helps to give some info on one of the other characters.)

Here are the summaries of my previous 5 stories.

Wild Charmander Chase: Johnny is a new trainer that just got to Sinnoh. He overhears a conversation between some people that a Charmander has been spotted. After this, a wild goose chases ensues and everyone is trying to catch Charmander. At the end, Johnny makes a new friend, Max, and catches the Charmander and a Starly who had been following him.

Gligar, the Mischievous Stowaway: Johnny decides to call his parents and tell them that he caught two Pokemon. His dad informs him that Johnny's uncle is going to visit him and wants Johnny to take care of a Pokemon Egg. On the way there, Max catches his first Pokemon. Johnny arrives at the docks and sees his uncle. He receives the egg and then a Gligar flies from the ship chasing the captain's Pokemon. After retrieving the captain's Pokemon, Johnny and Max head to Jubilife City, where Max catches a Machop along the way. Johnny then runs into the Gligar bullying two Ralts. Johnny quickly battles the Gligar and catches him. Then, he has to catch the two Ralts because they attack him. In the end he catches both Ralts.

Sweet Egg o' Mine: Johnny and Max are invited to a prestigious tournament. They train for a week before the tournament starts. The day of the tournament, Johnny's egg hatches and his newly hatched Elekid is frightened by his unruly Gligar. Johnny runs after his newly born Pokemon and finds him fighting a Magby. He ends up catching both Pokemon.

Topsy Turvy Tourney: Johnny Rodriguez and his friend Max Banks enter a Pokemon tournament. Rocio Cyrus, a lonely girl, enters the same tournament, but wants to win it for a different reason. She wants to join a local gang, the Red Gyrados Gang, but they won't let her in unless she wins the Pokemon. The gang later resorts to cheating and framing Rocio. Fortunately, Johnny catches the gang in the act and the gang is arrested. Johnny wins the tournament by beating Rocio in the final round.

Exile: Kenny is a Riolu living in Mt. Coronet with his clan. He has an interest in humans ever since he was saved by one during a "Human Raid". (Human Raid was when a bunch of humans went into the cave and tried to catch all the Pokemon in it) He is exiled from the clan after finding a Pokeball because no one is allowed to talk about humans and anything to do with humans. He fights many trainers off, but finally runs into one that looks like the person who saved him. This person is Johnny and after a long battle, Kenny lets himself get caught.




Now that the summaries are done, here is my story.


Serenity

Chapter 1: Nightmares

Kenny stood in the darkness of the cave, which was filled with an uneasy silence. A tall Lucario stood before Kenny; a deep, determined look was on both their faces. The ground below them was moist and loose. Angus was breathing slowly. The silver stub on his tan-furred chest slightly rose every time he breathed in. The stub was the remains of a spike which had been broken off years ago. His blue-furred ears were sticking straight up, indicating that he was concentrated. His crimson eyes were staring into Kenny’s eyes. Kenny was confident he could stand up to the Lucario in front of him. The small Riolu stood alert on his two, black hind legs, and the light wind that came through the cave ruffled the azure fur that covered his body. His face looked like that of a puppy. Finally, Angus broke the silence and spoke in a loud, commanding voice.

“You are an embarrassment to the clan. Your whole life was spent breaking the rules. Your father had to save you again and again. Even when you’re exiled, you get into trouble. Getting caught by a human? You’re the weakest Pokemon I’ve ever seen. You don’t deserve to call yourself a Riolu,” growled the Lucario.

“Y-you can’t intimidate me anymore, Angus! I don’t have to listen to you anymore!” shouted Kenny, a scowl spreading across his face.

“Your voice is trembling. I can tell you’re still afraid of me,” stated Angus as an evil grin spread across his face, “You should be.”

“Let’s settle this right now,” growled Kenny as he put his small black paws in the air.

“You took the words right out of my mouth,” grinned Angus as he balled up his right paw.

Angus’ fist began to glow in a white color as he approached Kenny. The young Pokemon jumped over Angus and landed behind him, making the Focus Punch miss. Kenny quickly turned around and charged at Angus, leaving a white streak of light. However, when he was near the Lucario, he began to slow down unwittingly. Angus took advantage of this and kicked him in the face, knocking him back several feet. Kenny shook his head and slowly got up. This time he balled up his fist and it began to glow in a mauve color. He charged towards Angus with his fist in the air, but it quickly lost its color and strength. When the punch connected with the Lucario’s stomach, it felt like a tap on the shoulder.

“What’s the matter? Are you so scared that you can’t hit me?” Angus asked mockingly.

Then, Angus’ right paw began to glow, and he slammed his open palm into Kenny’s face.

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:12 AM
Chapter 2: Problems with Powers
Kenny woke with a jolt and began to look around. He sighed; he was in a lush, green forest.

“I must have fallen asleep when I leaned against this tree,” thought the Riolu.

Kenny sighed and scratched the back of his head. The dream had him feeling shaken up. He didn’t like to think about it, but Angus still scared him. After being exiled, life had never been quite the same. He looked around and saw that he was at the edge of the forest. The trees were loomed over him like giants. They were a deep oak color, which made the soft, green color of the leaves seem softer still. The forest seemed calm and relaxing, which was why Kenny chose that spot to rest. He was about to get up and walk around when he heard a familiar voice.

“I see you woke up Sleeping Beauty,” smiled Inferno as he walked up to Kenny.

The large, red lizard had several berries in his hands. He had a grin on his face which showed off his razor-sharp teeth. His long slender tail moved side to side as he approached the Riolu.

“Are you hungry? I’m about to make my famous Infernized Berries,” said the Charmeleon.

Riolu smiled at the offer.

“Since when are your Infernized Berries famous?” Kenny asked jokingly.

“You’re a riot,” Inferno replied sarcastically.

Inferno grabbed the berries and proceeded to put one on each of his six claws. As the berries were pierced by the fire lizard’s razor sharp claws, a miniscule stream of juice trickled down to his paws. He took a deep breath and put his lips together in an “o” shape. As he breathed out, a small stream of searing hot fire emerged from his mouth and engulfed the small berries. The six, sapphire-colored berries began to develop a dark color as the flames danced around them. A minute later, Inferno stopped and removed the berries from his claws, handing three to Kenny. Kenny smiled as he received the roasted berries. They both quickly finished the berries, and then sat next to the tree to rest.

“Those were some of your best berries,” smiled Kenny.

“Thanks, I’ve been perfecting the technique. What’s on your mind Kenny?” questioned the Charmeleon.

“What do you mean?” Kenny asked.

“I came by before you woke up. You were twisting and turning and yelling in your sleep. Is something wrong?” Inferno asked, genuinely worried about his friend.

“I-I had that dream again. The dream where I fight Angus,” Kenny said in a low voice.

“Oh, you mean the dream you’ve been having ever since you had your battle against that Quilava?” Inferno inquired.

“Yea, but it has nothing to do with me losing. You noticed how my attacks were weak, right?” Kenny asked in a low voice.

“I wouldn’t say they were weak or anything-” the Charmeleon began to say.

“Come on, Inferno” interjected the puppy, “Don’t try and make me feel better. I know my attacks have been weaker. I couldn’t even use Poison Jab in my battle. For some reason, all my attacks are losing power. No matter how hard I concentrate, my attacks are weak.”

“Maybe it has something to do with how you’re feeling,” suggested the fire-type.

They both were silent for a minute. Then, Charmeleon quickly sat up.

“I’ve got it! Let’s ask the Twins. They’ll know,” smiled Inferno.

Blaze got up and held out a paw to the troubled Riolu. Kenny thought about for a minute.

“What do you have to lose?” asked the lizard.

Kenny smiled and stood up. They both walked along the outskirts of the forest until they reached a campsite. There were three tents. One was navy blue, one was dark green and the last one was brown. There were several Pokemon walking around the campsite, but Inferno and Kenny walked towards two Pokemon in particular. The two Pokemon looked exactly the same except one had a pink, silk bow on her head. Their bodies were thin and white. Their green hair, which looked like a helmet, covered their eyes. They also had two pink horn-like protrusions coming out of their thin green hair. The Kirlia with the bow had a feminine voice, while the Kirlia without the bow had a more masculine voice. They seemed to be deep in conversation.

“No, I’m right,” said the Kirlia with the bow, “My logic is flawless.”

“Bella, you’re not making any sense at all,” replied the Kirlia without the bow.

“Of course I am making sense. You’re just too dense to understand, Ben,” Bella said smugly, as she stuck out her tongue.

“Well you know what? I’m going to-” Ben began to say.

“Hey guys, Kenny has a problem and he needs some help,” interrupted Inferno.

The two Kirlia looked at Kenny and Inferno as if they had never seen them before.

“We were in a heated debate before you rudely interrupted us, but I guess that can wait. What’s the problem, Kenny?” Bella asked in an annoyed voice.

“Well, all of my attacks seem weaker when I use them,” sighed Kenny.

“That’s it? All you have to do is train,” Ben replied quickly, eager to get back to his debate with his sister.

“Well, I tried that. It’s just that it seems like my attacks are slowly losing their strength,” Kenny said gloomily.

“Maybe it’s something psychological. Have you been under any stress?” Ben asked.

“I got captured by Johnny, but that’s about it. My whole clan was prohibited to even mention the word human, and I was raised like that. So, I guess you could count it as stress,” explained Kenny.

“I’ve got it! You’re change in lifestyle affected your attacks!” yelled Ben and Bella in unison.

“Hey, I thought of it first,” said Ben angrily.

“No, I thought of it first,” complained Bella.

“Um guys? What about me?” asked Kenny.

“Oh,” they both said, “Sorry about that. We tend to argue over most things.”

“What I was saying was that you changed when you got caught. I’m guessing you wanted to forget most of your old life and embrace this new life. Am I right?” asked Ben eagerly.

“I guess so,” said Kenny with a confused look on his face.

“Then that’s it. The attacks you know are a part of your old life. If you want to move on, then you’re going to have to stop using your old attacks, and learn new ones,” explained Bella.

“So I have to forget all my attacks? How am I supposed to fight?” asked Kenny.

“I’ll teach you some new moves,” said Inferno.

“So will we,” Ben and Bella added happily.

Before Kenny could respond, three humans walked into the campsite. Two of them were boys and the third one was a girl. One of the boys had long, messy, black hair and brown eyes, while the other had short brown hair and bright green eyes. The girl had long, wavy, brown hair. Her eyes were a light blue that was almost mesmerizing.

“Alright guys, let’s get you guys back into your Pokeballs. We’re going into town,” said the trio.

Johnny, Max, and Rocio began to return their Pokemon back to their Pokeballs. Kenny smiled when Johnny approached him. Kenny was engulfed by a crimson beam and was sucked into the Pokeball.

“Finally, I’m back in the Pokeball, the place where all my troubles disappear,” Kenny thought to himself.

The Pokeball was the only place where he was truly at peace. When he had first been caught, he had been surprised by the wave of calmness that overtook him. All his problems seemed to go away. He loved the wonderful feeling he got while he was in the Pokeball. However, when he was taken out of his Pokeball, any thoughts about his problems came rushing back. So, he disliked being out of the Pokeball because it reminded him of all his problems. At first, he was a loner because he did not want to interact with any of the other Pokemon. After a while, he warmed up to them. Although, he liked being in the company of the other Pokemon, he longed to be in the one place he would not feel bad. He had a lot to think about after his discussion with Ben, Bella, and Inferno. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to leave all of his previous life, not if it meant having to forget all of his attacks. His father had once told him that his attacks were a part of his identity and that he should never forget them, but if he didn’t forget his old attacks and learn new ones, he would have no way of defending himself. What should he do? This was a big problem that he would have deal with, but for now, however, he was just going to enjoy the serenity of the sphere.

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:13 AM
Chapter 3: Taking a Challenge

The trio packed up their things and began walking towards the town ahead of them. They were silent for a while until Rocio pulled out a map and began to look at it.

“So the city we’re going to is called Clima Town. Doesn’t seem like a very interesting town,” remarked Rocio.

“It looks like a pretty big town. Are you sure there’s nothing to do?” Johnny asked curiously.

“Well, there is…” Rocio murmured as she trailed off.

“What?” asked Johnny and Max.

“They have a gym in this town,” Rocio responded coolly.

“That’s awesome! I’m definitely going to challenge it when we get there,” said Johnny with an excited tone in his voice.

“I take it you don’t have a single gym badge,” assumed Rocio.

“Well, no I don’t. You don’t either,” responded the teenager.

“Actually, I do. I have a few actually,” smiled Rocio.

She rummaged around her pocket and found a small, black case. She opened it and revealed five different badges. The badges had different colors and designs.

“How could you get five badges if you’ve never left Jubilife City?” inquired Max.

“Who said I never left Jubilife City? I just said I grew up there. Why do you think my team is so diverse?” Rocio asked smugly.

Johnny was impressed by her badges, but chose to remain silent because he was embarrassed of his lack of victories against gym leaders.

As the town came into view, the teenagers saw that it was a regular town. There were small houses with different colored roofs on the outer rim of the town. That seemed to be where most people lived. Towards the center, they could see a couple of tall buildings looming over the city, as if they were keeping an eye on it. In the very center of the city was a building. It was a cylindrical shaped stadium. It had no distinguishing marks or colors on it. It simply said “Clima Gym”. Though it looked plain, Johnny knew at once that it was the Gym that he wanted to challenge.

Johnny smiled upon sighting the gym and turned to his friends.

“I’ll race you guys,” said Johnny as he began to run towards the town.

Rocio rolled her eyes, but decided to take Johnny up on his challenge. She put away the map and began to run after her friend. Max saw his friends running and quickly followed suit. The trio ran into the town, hoping to beat each other to the gym.

A small bell rang as the glass door opened.

“Another challenger is just what I need,” thought Alex.

Alex ran his fingers through his short, messy, brown hair and looked around his gym. The lobby of the gym was covered by gleaming white tiles. There were a few pictures of various strong Pokemon combating each other hanging on the walls. There was a sofa and a few wooden chairs. He took a deep breath before turning towards the door, which was where his challenger was.

“Hey, welcome to the Clima Town Gym. Which one of you is going to challenge me?” Alex asked the three teenagers.

“I am,” said Johnny as he stepped up.

“Well, here at the Clima Gym, I have a special rule; you must use a dual-type Pokemon. The battle is 1 v 1. The referee will decide who wins. Also, the field has no ceiling because I choose to leave the dome open. Do you agree to these rules?” asked the gym leader.

“Yes,” replied the eager teen.

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:14 AM
Chapter 4: Wacky Weather Battle
They both walked onto a dirt terrain. The weather seemed perfect for a battle. Alex took a Pokeball from his pocket and tossed onto the field, revealing his Pokemon. At the same time, Johnny released his Pokemon. Alex’s Pokemon was a large, yellow, duck-like Pokemon, while Johnny’s Pokemon was a medium-sized, mudfish Pokemon.

“Begin!” yelled the blonde referee.

“Ludicolo, let’s start with Energy Ball,” commanded Alex.

“Marshtomp, dodge it,” ordered Johnny.

The duck Pokemon opened its orange beak and began charging up a ball of green energy. Then, he released it when it was big enough. The sphere zoomed through the air, rapidly approaching Marshtomp. Marshtomp quickly jumped to the side, narrowly dodging the attack. The mudfish opened his mouth and began to spit out large chunks of thick mud towards the Ludicolo. The mud hit him and some pieces clung onto him.

“Now’s our chance, Ludicolo will be slow and we can attack harder,” thought Johnny.

Just as Johnny was about to tell Marshtomp to attack, dark clouds rolled into view and covered the sun’s rays. Then, it began to rain. The raindrops felt refreshing as they touched Marshtomp’s smooth, leathery skin. Unfortunately for Johnny, the rain washed away the mud. Then, Ludicolo disappeared for a fraction of a second and reappeared behind Marshtomp. When the mudfish turned around, Ludicolo rapidly slapped him with the palms of his green hands. The duck dashed behind the ground type and attacked again. Somehow, the rain was making Ludicolo faster. The grass-type continued to attack Marshtomp until Marshtomp opened his mouth and shot out a powerful stream of water. Though the water did not do any damage, it pushed the pineapple-shaped Pokemon back a few feet. Before Marshtomp could do anything else, the raindrops stopped falling and were replaced by a barrage of hail. The sudden change in weather caught Johnny and his water-type off guard. Ludicolo opened his mouth and a powerful flurry of ice-cold wind swept across the field towards the mudfish. Johnny’s Pokemon quickly covered himself with his arms as the ice attack made impact with him. Unfortunately for the mudfish, the Blizzard had left his arms with a thick coat of ice on each. Johnny had to think of something quickly before Marshtomp got hurt.

“Marshtomp, use Take Down, but put your arms into it,” ordered Johnny.

Marshtomp ran at the Ludicolo. As he was slamming his body into his opponent, Marshtomp swung his arms at the duck’s head, making the ice shatter upon impact. Ludicolo was stunned, but he shot a stream of water to push his opponent back. The grass-type opened his mouth and the top of his head began to glow. As he slowly began to gather sunlight, Marshtomp charged at him hoping to knock him out. All of a sudden, the dark clouds began to roll away and the sun began to shine brightly. The sunlight made the top of Ludicolo’s head shine even brighter. Then, he opened his mouth and shot a glowing beam of green light at Marshtomp, who was instantly engulfed by the Solar Beam. When the dust settled, Marshtomp was laying unconscious on the floor.

“Marshtomp is unable to battle. Alex wins!” declared the referee.

Johnny was sad, but he did his best. He returned his Marshtomp to his Pokeball and shook Alex’s hand. Though he was confused as to why the weather had changed so much, he decided to be a good sport and decided to think about it later.

“That was a good battle,” smiled Alex.

“Thanks, but I’ll be back tomorrow for a rematch,” Johnny said half-heartedly.

Rocio was chuckling, but tried not to show it. The three teenagers walked out of the gym, searching for somewhere to rest.

Alex sighed and looked at his Ludicolo.

“That battle was great. You two were amazing,” said Alex looking at his Ludicolo then at the sky, “Those changes went exactly as planned.”

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:15 AM
Chapter 5: Painful Past

“Lombre is unable to battle. Alex Riak loses,” announced a stout referee.

A blond haired man walked up to Alex and began to talk to him.

“Listen, Alex, you have the potential, but right now you’re just not what we’re looking for in a gym leader. Try again next year,” said the official.

Alex frowned, returned Lombre to his Pokeball, and began to walk away from the field. For the next few days, he sat at home, moping because of his loss. He had failed the Gym Leader Acceptance Test for the fifth time in four months. He felt like his life no longer had a point. Ever since he was a little boy, he had aspired to be a great gym leader. His family, however, disapproved because they all worked as researchers. Though Alex didn’t like researching, he had a knack for it. As he was falling asleep, his phone began to ring. He sighed with discontent and picked up the phone.

“Alex?” asked the person.

“Yes, I’m Alex,” responded Alex.

“Hey, it’s me, your cousin,” replied the person.

“Joey?” asked Alex.

“Yea, it’s me. I was just calling to tell you about this project I’ve been working on. It has to do with Castform,” said Joey.

“You mean the Pokemon that changes with the weather?” inquired Alex.

“Yes, but this one is a little different in a few ways. The pigment of her skin is a darker shade than the other Castforms and the “mask” around her eyes is yellow instead of white. This isn’t the strange about her though. Her DNA is strange. It is different from a regular Castform’s DNA. I’m baffled about what to do with it, and I was wondering if you could keep her and take a look at her DNA,” explained Joey.

“I don’t know. I haven’t been feeling well lately and…” Alex began to say before he trailed off.

“Then, work with the Castform. She might cheer you up,” said Joey, trying to cheer up his relative.

“Ok, I’ll take care of your Castform,” sighed Alex.

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:16 AM
Chapter 6: Complete Change

“Try again, but this time try and put your whole body into it,” suggested Inferno.

Kenny nodded as his blue tail began to glow in a soft white light. He shifted his body so that his tail whipped around, slicing through the air.

“That was awesome, Kenny,” Inferno said with a smile, “You almost have it down perfectly. You’re a quick learner; it only took you a few hours to get this move down. For this attack you just have to remember to think about transferring your momentum into your tail so that you cause more damage. So, what else can you do?”

Kenny smiled and his whole body began to glow. Then, two clones appeared next to him.

“I see you’ve been training with the Twins. I’m not one for defensive attacks, but to each his own. So, now that we’ve taught you some attacks, you have to learn some attacks on your own. What kind of attacks did some of the other Riolus in your clan know?” inquired the fire lizard.

“Well, we all knew most of the same attacks, but one attack I never bothered learning was Mach Punch,” said Kenny.

“Let’s try that attack,” said the fire-type.

The little fighting-type began to punch the air. He started off slow, and then began to get faster and faster until his hands were a blur. Finally, his hands began to glow, but as soon as they did, he lost balance and fell to the floor face first. He got up angrily.

“I see you have the basic concept of it, but you just need to work on the speed of it and how to make sure you don’t lose balance. If we work at it enough, you can use Mach Punch without having to do all those warming up punches. All right, let’s start again,” said Inferno eagerly.

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:18 AM
Chapter 7: Secrets Revealed

Serenity smiled as she looked at the beautiful day. She felt calm and happy because she had just helped Alex win another battle.

“I wonder when Alex is going to come and tell me how good I did my job,” wondered Serenity.

The Castform floated around on the sturdy branch of the oak tree she was sitting on. She had a perfect view of the field where Alex fought. Serenity sighed and gazed at the field. Though it was not special in anyway, she longed to be on that field and to fight by Alex’s side. She had only been on the field once, but it was when Alex showed her around, and told her that she was going to help him in his battles.

Alex looked at the screen in front of him. It showed him the image of the Pokemon that his cousin had sent him. He stared at the picture of the strangely colored Castform. A minute later, the screen switched to an image of the weather Pokemon’s DNA. The screen made a small noise then it zoomed in on a small segment of the DNA.

“Ok, so that one strand of DNA is what makes this Castform unique, but what exactly does it do? How does it make this Pokemon any different?” Alex wondered as he scratched the back of his head.

A few hours had passed, and Alex hadn’t come to visit Serenity. She was sad at first, but then smiled, storing her emotional pain and her anger deep inside of herself like she always did. This was not the first time she had been disappointed by Alex; she always chose to bottle up her anger and pain.

“He must be busy. He wouldn’t break his promise,” she said to herself, “I think I’ll play with the weather.”

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, they were crimson red instead of the usual black. All of sudden, the sun began to shine brightly and her body began to change. The bottom of her body, which looked like a dark, but fluffy cloud, turned into a pure white color. Then, her head became bigger and began to turn orange. After that, smaller orange orbs appeared around her sun-like head. She giggled and spun around, enjoying the sunlight she had just created.

Serenity began to concentrate again and her eyes changed from crimson to a deep sapphire. Dark clouds loomed over her and quickly covered the bountiful sunlight. Then, it began to rain as Serenity’s body changed again. The rain started as a trickle and then began to intensify. Her head had changed color to a soft cerulean, and changed from a sphere to the shape of a drop of water. She began to spin around as she hummed. After a minute, she stopped.

Finally, she concentrated one more time. Her eyes were now a soft baby blue color. Suddenly, a cold breeze blew through the tree and the drops of rain were transformed into hail. The hard, transparent balls made a lot of noise as they hit the floor. Serenity’s head returned to its normal size and changed to a mauve color. Then, the rest of her body turned into a jade tornado which slowly whirled around her head.

“Whee!” she yelled as she floated around the tree, paying no attention to the hail that bombarded her.

After that, the weather returned to normal, changing her back to her normal form. Serenity sighed and looked up at the sky.

“I wonder how I got these powers,” thought the Castform.

“Log 13: I have managed to isolate the part of this Castform’s DNA that makes her unique. Though I cannot understand what this segment does, I have had some success. With some stimulation, I have come up with a result. When a certain stimulus wass introduced into her DNA, she seems to have gained the ability to control the weather without using attacks. To what extent this works is still unknown. I will record more when more tests have been done. For now, I will try and befriend this Pokemon, as I have yet to actually interact with her face-to-face,” said Alex to the small, black recorder he held in his hand.

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:18 AM
Chapter 8: The Truth Hurts


“Why hasn’t Alex been here yet? It’s been five hours since his battle ended. It’s already night time,” said Serenity sadly.

She floated around for a little bit, worried about her trainer.

“Maybe he forgot me. No, he would never do that. I’m one of his Pokemon, so he won’t ever forget me,” the Castform assured herself.

She tried to cheer herself up by playing with the weather again, but it was to no avail. When she was in her Rain Form, she began thinking of reasons why Alex hadn’t shown up. Suddenly, a large lighting bolt shot through the sky and hit the Castform. The electricity coursed through her body. It caused her great deals of pain, making her writhe. The sheer power of the bolt of lightning knocked her off of her tree branch, making her fall onto a tree branch several feet below. She shook herself as she slowly got up. When she looked around, she saw that there was a window to the gym in front of her. She smiled and decided she would float in and talk to Alex, but she noticed that he was sound asleep in a chair. She was going to approach him and wake him up, but he suddenly began to talk in his sleep.

“No, of course not. That Castform isn’t really mine. She’s just a Pokemon I have. She’s not important or anything,” said Alex in between snores.

Serenity became appalled. Why would he say something like that? Then, her mind became clear. She was just being used by Alex. He had no intention to reveal her presence to the world or use her in a battle. He only wanted to use her to win his battles. What she was doing was not even legal. She had been used to cheat. Serenity no longer doubted that Alex did not treat her well. The surge of electricity had indirectly cleared her mind.

“He was only using me! He doesn’t even use me in his battles. I’m going to show him that he should use me in battles! I’m going to show him I can win! I’m going to find that trainer he beat and I’m going to beat him by myself!” Serenity shouted angrily.

All the pain and anger that she had bottled up over the last two years came rushing back to her in a wave of denial. This made her even angrier. Alex had caused her too much pain. To her, there was only one way to make the pain go away. Alex had to accept her and to accomplish that, she would have to prove herself. Lightning bolts landed around her, making loud noises. She began to float towards the field in her Rain Form. She was sure that the trainer was in the field practicing.

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:19 AM
Chapter 9: Weather Problems

Alex was sound asleep on the cold, metal chair he was sitting on. He heard the honking of a car horn and quickly woke up. The gym door swung open and his cousin ran inside.

“Alex! I need to talk to you right now!” yelled the anxious, brown-haired researcher.

“Huh? What’s wrong?” asked the gym leader, still half-asleep.

“It’s these charts and graphs! There’s something really weird happening,” urged the messy haired adult.

“What? Are they all out of order?” asked Alex jokingly.

“No, it’s what is on this chart that is troubling,” explained Joey as he held up the papers, “You see, some Pokemon use the Earth’s electromagnetic field to navigate. They use what we call an ‘internal compass’. The weather here has been extremely erratic in the last few months.”

“I’m not following you,” said Alex with a puzzled look on his face.

“These sudden changes in weather have somehow messed with some Pokemon’s ‘internal compasses’. You know the pond over by the clearing? The one with Staryus in it? The Staryus are bumping into everything and they’re crashing into each other because their ‘internal compasses’ have been messed with by the weather changes and they don’t have any eyes to see with, so it’s even worse for them. Soon, all birds in the area will be unable to fly correctly. I need to find the source of these changes,” explained the chubby researcher.

“Are you sure all this is happening?” inquired Alex.

“Yes, I’m positive. These changes happened a week or two after I sent you the Castform. Wait a second,” said the researcher, staring angrily at his cousin.

“About that…” muttered Alex.

“That Castform is causing this isn’t it?” asked Joey, his face slowly getting red with anger.

“Actually, the Castform is a girl and her name is Serenity, but yes, she is causing it. I kind of messed with her DNA and now she can control the weather without having to use attacks,” the gym leader said sheepishly.

“That’s awful! Although, I think it’s amazing you found out she could do that. Do you know how exactly she controls the weather? Does she use her mind? Never mind, now is not the time. What have you been using her powers for?” asked Joey.

“She’s been helping me win my gym battles by changing the weather. Except she doesn’t fight in the battles, she waits outside and changes the weather at the right time,” admitted Alex.

“What?! You’ve been using that power to cheat?!” yelled the researcher, “Where is she?”

“She’s out-” he began to say, but was interrupted by the large crackle of thunder.

Dark clouds outside began to swirl, and they slowly moved towards the field outside of Clima Town. As the clouds moved, several more lightning bolts danced across the night sky.

“Could that be?” Alex muttered to himself.

“Is that the Castform? We have to follow her,” said Joey as he ran out of the building.

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:20 AM
Chapter 10: Rest and Relaxation

Inferno, Kenny, Ben, and Bella sat on the grass in a large field, tired after a long day of training.

“So, when you use Double Team what exactly should I concentrate on?” inquired the little puppy.

“Well, I usually try to feel the energy coursing through my body first. Then, I separate the energy into as many clones as I want. A really strong and experienced Pokemon can make dozens of clones,” explained Ben.

“I’m going to train until I can make a hundred clones,” Kenny said eagerly.

“Actually, sometimes four clones can do a better job than a hundred could. You see, clones dissipate after most attacks. It all depends on how you use your clones. If you just need a distraction, then a couple of clones are all you need. Also, clones are as fast as you are. So, if you’re really slow, it won’t matter how many clones you have because they’ll get picked off easily” explained Bella.

“But remember to stick to strong attacks that hurt your opponent,” interjected Inferno.

“What? Defensive attacks can be just as good. He should use a balance of both types of attacks,” remarked Bella.

“Well, I don’t like hiding behind my attacks. My attacks are straight forward,” replied Inferno smugly.

“Well for your information, Double Team can be used as an offensive attack too,” Ben and Bella said in unison.

Before they could continue arguing Riolu stood between them and interrupted them.

“That’s enough you guys. I’ll use both types of attacks. Ok? You guys just love to bicker don’t you? So, when are you guys going to teach me new attacks?” asked Kenny.

“Why would we teach you more attacks?” asked Inferno.

“Well, I only know three attacks. I thought you guys were going to teach me some more attacks. You guys were the ones who told me I had to forget all my old moves and learn new ones. How else am I supposed to fight?” asked the Riolu with a worried tone in his voice.

“You have to learn attacks on your own. Don’t get us wrong, we’ll help you improve on your moves, but you have to start on your own. It’s the only way you’ll grow as a Pokemon,” explained the fire lizard.

“Dang, I hate this,” sighed Kenny.

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:22 AM
Chapter 11: Built-up Anger

Suddenly, several dark clouds began to cover the bare night sky. The sounds of lightning crackling echoed throughout the field. The four Pokemon looked at each other. They tried to ignore it for a while, but the sounds got louder and louder until they couldn’t ignore it anymore. Johnny ran up to them with a worried look on his face.

“Guys, I think there’s a storm coming. You need to be back in your Pokeballs for safety,” Johnny said.

He returned Ben and Bella to their Pokeballs, and when he was about to return Inferno and Kenny to their spheres, a Pokemon floated onto the field in front of them. It was a Castform. She seemed determined and angry, which confused Johnny because he did not know why she was angry.

She had found the person she was looking for, Johnny. Though she knew the human would not understand her words, she began to talk to him.

“I will defeat you and prove to my trainer that I am worthy of fighting by his side!” yelled the weather Pokemon.

Then, she cried out in anger, making a bolt of lighting crash right in front of Johnny, Inferno, and Kenny. Johnny and his Pokemon jumped back in fear.

“This Pokemon looks like it’s really angry. I think it would be safer for us if we leave,” Johnny said to his Pokemon.

They slowly began to back up, trying not to make any sudden movements.

“No! You can’t leave! I need to beat you!” shouted the angry Castform.

Johnny’s eyes widened as he heard the Pokemon yell angrily. Though he couldn’t understand the words she was saying, he could tell she was only getting angrier. He continued backing up with his Pokemon. Max and Rocio walked up behind Johnny, wondering what all the commotion was about. Before Johnny could tell them anything, two men ran up behind the Castform with worried looks on their faces.

“Serenity, what are you doing?” asked Alex.

“Who’s Serenity?” asked Johnny with a confused look on his face.

“That’s Serenity, my Castform. I’m guessing you’re training here. What I don’t understand is why my Castform is here,” stated Alex.

“She looks really mad,” pointed out Johnny.

“I don’t know why she’s like this. She’s never like this,” explained Alex.

“Has this kid challenged you?” Joey asked his cousin, “Have you told him how you cheat using this Castform during your gym battles?”

“You do what?!” shouted Johnny.

“Listen kid, it’s not really cheating. This Castform just changes the weather for me. I don’t even consider her my Pokemon. She just happens to change the weather during my battles,” said Alex.

Serenity turned around, and her anger turned into sheer hatred. The words Alex had just uttered had pierced her heart like a hundred arrows. At first, she was trying to impress Alex. Now, she had decided that there was nothing wrong with her; the problem was Alex. Alex and Joey walked over to where Johnny, Max, and Rocio were.

“You don’t deserve to be my trainer!” yelled Serenity.

She concentrated, and an eerie gust of wind blew in, hitting Alex square in the chest. The Ominous Wind knocked Alex back ten feet. Joey and Rocio were behind Alex and got knocked back along with him. They lost consciousness upon impact.

“Rocio!” yelled Johnny and Max, worried for their friend.

Johnny and Max tried to go and help her, but Serenity blocked the path. Though she no longer had anything to prove, she still wanted to defeat this trainer. Before she did anything, a small, red sphere rolled up to her. It was her Pokeball.

“My prison,” murmured Serenity.

She gave it a scowl, and a bolt of lightning struck the small ball, shattering the capsule. Then, she turned to Johnny and Max. Max grabbed a Pokeball from his pocket and released on of his Pokemon, a large badger.

“Johnny, this Pokemon is dangerous. We need to calm her down,” said Max.

Linoone and Inferno stepped up, waiting for commands from their trainers. Serenity smiled, ready for a battle.

“Listen guys, we don’t want to hurt this Pokemon. We just need to calm her down,” the trainers said to their Pokemon.

The two Pokemon were puzzled by their trainers’ request, but nodded after a second. They both got into a fighting stance, ready to do whatever it took to calm this Pokemon down.

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:23 AM
Chapter 12: Battle for Pride

Serenity was the first to attack. She summoned lightning bolts which struck the ground in front of the two Pokemon. The two Pokemon jumped back as the smell of burning grass filled their nostrils, but Linoone quickly ran up to his opponent, his ivory claws extended. He tried to slash into the violent normal type, but she was too quick. He slashed again and again, but he missed each time. Finally, the badger stepped back, trying to catch his breath. A scowl spread across her face, and an eerie wind swept in and hit the Charmeleon and Linoone. Though the wind ran a shiver down their spines, they held their ground and jumped towards the weather Pokemon. Before the two Pokemon could reach her, Serenity opened her mouth, and a torrent of water erupted out of it, hitting her opponents square in the face. The two Pokemon were knocked back and lay on the floor, soaking wet.

The Castform slowly began to approach them. Inferno thought quickly and fired a stream of burning hot fire, which narrowly missed her. The fire lizard was trying to stop her advance. She chuckled and continued floating forward. Linoone quickly got up and opened his mouth. He began to charge a blue ball of energy and released it when he couldn’t hold it any longer. The aqua-colored sphere of swirling energy zoomed through the air and hit the weather Pokemon in the face, hurting her, but making her even angrier.

She closed her eyes for a second, and when she opened them, they were crimson. The dark, ominous clouds rolled away, and the sunlight began to bleed through the gaps in the clouds. In a matter of seconds, the sun was shining brightly. She felt like she was covered by a wave of warmness as she transformed into her Sun Form. She began to absorb sunlight. Inferno and Linoone stood there with puzzled looks on their faces. They didn’t know how the Castform was changing the weather so easily. Serenity grinned and decided she would start using her favorite attack, Weather Ball. She liked using it because it changed whenever she did. She opened her mouth and from it emerged a sphere of energy. The orange ball of blazing fire sped through the air and almost hit Inferno, but the lizard quickly whipped his tail around, deflecting it into the tree next to him. Then, Serenity opened her mouth, and a beam of bright light shot out. Linoone quickly used its long, ivory claws to dig a hole to protect himself from the attack. Inferno managed to open his mouth and shoot out a powerful Flamethrower which stopped the Solar Beam for a few seconds. Then, the beam of light overpowered Inferno, and the blast pinned him against a tree. The blast felt like a wave of intense energy which slammed into him with the strength of a Tauros. He fell to the floor in great pain, but he managed to stand up again after a few seconds. Linoone emerged from the hole and saw that Inferno was hurt.

“She doesn’t seem like she is going to calm down. So, the only way to calm her down is to beat her,” Linoone said to the fire lizard, “I’ll hold her while you use your secret weapon. It should be stronger because the sun is really bright.”

Inferno nodded and closed his eyes. He began to store heat. At several points he felt like he had to release it, but he resisted the urge to release it. Finally, he was ready and released the fire, but instead of shooting it towards his opponent, he was engulfed by it. The fire felt warm and soothing against his skin. He always enjoyed using this attack because it made him feel at home, but it also made him feel powerful. At the same time, Linoone smiled at his opponent, and his eyes changed to a powerful jade color. Then, the dew covered blades of grass around Serenity began to move, and they quickly wrapped around her body and held her in place. The grass felt slimy against her skin. Though she struggled, she could not break free. When the fire lizard saw that the Castform was restrained, he began to run towards her. He began to pick up more and more speed as he ran towards her. Serenity tried to get out of the way, but was not able to, so Inferno collided with her causing a huge explosion of fire and light.

When the dust cleared, Charmeleon stood proud, but quickly bent over to catch his breath. Serenity had been hit hard, but she was still standing. Linoone stood in awe as he saw that the weather Pokemon had survived the Charmeleon’s strongest attack.

“How did she survive my Flare Blitz?” wondered Charmeleon.

In reality, Charmeleon had not hit Serenity as hard as he had thought. At the very last second, Serenity managed to fire a strong Energy Ball, which caused the explosion of light. Though she had still been hit, her attack had lessened the damage of the Flare Blitz.

Charmeleon and Linoone just stood there. They could not figure out how Serenity had survived the attack. The Castform took advantage of their distraction to change the weather. Her eyes turned a soft blue and dark clouds began to approach the sun. In a matter of seconds, the intense sunlight was covered by the fluffy clouds. Then, small, crystalline balls of hail began to fall. Her body transformed into her Hail Form. A cold feeling embraced her whole body. It felt frigid, but familiar and welcoming.

The small, transparent spheres barraged Inferno and Linoone. They covered their heads with their arms, surprised by the change in weather. Serenity opened her mouth, and a sparkling icy wind engulfed the lizard and badger. Then, she formed an icy, aquamarine ball of ice. The Ice Weather Ball shot through the air and hit the fire type in the chest, causing him to wince in pain. The ball of ice shattered on impacted, causing hundreds of tiny shards of ice to graze his body, leaving scratch marks that made Inferno yelp out in pain. Inferno could not concentrate. The hail was relentless. Each ball of ice pummeled the Charmeleon. It felt as if hundreds of tiny Pokemon were punching him every second. The Castform, not satisfied with the current weather, decided to revert the weather back to rain.

Inferno and Linoone turned to their trainers, wondering what to do.

“Inferno, use Dragon Rush!” ordered Johnny.

“Linoone, use Charge Beam!” commanded Max.

The fire lizard ran towards his opponent. While he was running, he was covered in a light blue aura, which made him seem more intimidating. He slammed his body into the weather Pokemon, knocking her into a tree. Then, Linoone’s fur began to crackle with electricity. Before Serenity could move, the electricity that Linoone was accumulating was released and sliced through the air, overwhelming the Castform. She started breathing in fast, short breaths. Though she was tired, she was prepared to fight until she couldn’t move anymore. She took a deep breath and caught the smell of burning flesh and looked down. Some of her body had been badly burned because of the Charge Beam. She tried to shoot a sphere of cerulean, swirling water, but before she could release it, her concentration was interrupted.

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:24 AM
Chapter 13: Anger Unleashed

Suddenly, a loud, buzzing noise filled the air. Everyone looked around, searching for the source of the noise. Several Pokemon zoomed through the air, narrowly missing the Pokemon who were in the middle of a battle. The group of Pokemon looked like tan blurs that were spinning rapidly. One of them slammed into the side of Serenity’s head, knocking her to the ground. The confused Pokemon stood up and looked around, moving its five appendages. The star-shaped Pokemon made his ruby-like gem flash as he tried to orient himself. He faced Serenity, whom he had knocked down. He wondered if he had hurt the Pokemon.

The Castform groaned as she began to get up. She cried out in pain because her head was throbbing. Her emotions raced through her mind, making her more and more confused. She yelled out, and slowly she began to change. This change was not smooth and peaceful. It was drastic and painful, causing her to yell in pain as she transformed. Her head still looked like a drop of azure water, but small orange orbs appeared around it along with a small, emerald tornado, which covered her whole body.

The sun began to bleed through the opaque clouds. The sun was shining brightly, but it was also raining and hailing at the same time. Johnny and Max could not understand what was happening. This bizarre weather distracted Inferno and Linoone. This weather both chilled and warmed the duo at the same time.

Serenity growled and began to charge a Weather Ball. This one was different than the rest. It had a pure white core and was covered by a combination of tongues of searing-hot fire, frosty chunks of ice, and streams of crystalline water. The multi-type Weather Ball grew bigger than her head. She launched the ball which zoomed and hit the ground right in front of Inferno and Linoone, causing an explosion that knocked them against a tree. They both tried to get up, but were unable to do so. Johnny and Max returned them to their Pokeballs.

Kenny, who had been watching the battle from behind Johnny, jumped in front of his trainer. He was ready to battle.

“Use Blaze Kick,” said Johnny.

Kenny hesitated and approached his opponent. Then, he swung his leg, but it did not burst into flames, causing his kick to do little damage. Serenity scowled, and a strong wind pushed the Riolu back. Though Riolu wanted to use his old attacks, he decided that the only way to win this battle was to use the attacks he had learned.

The Staryu was confused at what was happening. He could not see well. Like all Staryu he had no eyes, he had always used a special “internal compass” to guide him and show him what was around him. However, lately, it was not working as well and everything seemed blurry. When the Castform got up and began to fight, the Staryu was scared. He was separated from his pack, which had begun to migrate to another lake, and he was in the middle of a battle. He began to leave, when the Castform started talking to him.

“Wait! Help me fight this Pokemon, and I’ll help you find the other Staryus,” pleaded Serenity.

He did know this Pokemon, but she seemed to be his only hope of ever seeing his family again. He had never actually been in a battle, but he understood what the objective was.

“This battle shouldn’t be too hard. It’s me and that Castform against one Pokemon. We’ll beat him quickly and the Castform can take me to my family,” thought the Staryu.

The star Pokemon pointed one of his appendages at the puppy, and a cold stream of water shot out, dousing the fighting type. Kenny was confused because the attack had done nothing more than soak him. He shook his head and ran up to the Castform, the Pokemon who seemed like more of a threat, and began to rapidly punch her. The barrage of Mach Punches caught Serenity off guard and made her move back so she wouldn’t get hit as hard. The star Pokemon could not clearly see his opponent but managed to slam his body into the Riolu’s body. He tried to attack again, but accidently hit the Castform, knocking her down. She sat on the floor, trying to catch her breath.

“You need to fight for a minute, while I rest. I have been fighting way too much. I need a few minutes to catch my breath,” said Serenity in between breaths.

The Staryu was unsure, but decided to fight anyway. Kenny had noticed that the starfish was acting as if it could not see well. If he was going to win, he needed to take advantage of this. He concentrated on the energy coursing through his body and three clones appeared next to him. The Staryu was extremely confused when he realized there were four Pokemon facing him now. He was paralyzed in fear. Kenny took advantage of this and began to barrage him with punches. Then, he finished his attack off by shifting his body weight and slamming his tail into the starfish’s gem. The Staryu had no time to register any of the attacks until they had happened. The rapid punches had shaken him to the very core, and the Iron Tail to his gem had knocked the wind out of him. He felt as if he was going to run out of breath.

The Staryu was knocked back a few feet. This time the starfish would try something different. He began to spin rapidly, then rushed towards Kenny and slammed his body into one of the clones. He did this twice more and then only the real Kenny and the Staryu remained.

The scared starfish’s appendages began to glow in silver light, and he began to spin, causing him to float into the air. Then, he struck the fighting type with his Gyro Ball attack, knocking the puppy onto his back. He took advantage of this and charged a yellow energy ball from his crimson gem, and released it at point blank range. The ball of energy temporarily blinded the puppy as it slammed into his face, making him twitch in pain.

Kenny lay on the floor for a few seconds, trying to think of what to do next. The Staryu stepped back, and he began to glow in a pure light. Slowly, all of the bruises on his body began to disappear, and he felt renewed. He felt as if he was being cleansed by wave of relaxation. When Kenny realized what his opponent was doing, he charged at him, hoping to stop him before he was completely recovered. However, the Staryu simply moved out of the way, causing Kenny to trip and fall face-first into the ground. He quickly got up and began barrage the starfish with punches. Then, he created three clones. The clones quickly confused the Staryu, and Kenny ran up behind his opponent and slammed his glowing tail into the starfish’s back. Staryu stiffened up, and then slumped to the floor.

“Max, I don’t want that Staryu to get up and use Recover. I don’t have any Pokeballs with me, so I need you to catch it,” said Johnny.

Max nodded and tossed a Pokeball at the Staryu. It shook once, twice, but before they could see what happened their attention turned to the Castform.

poke123
12-14-2008, 04:24 AM
Chapter 14: Last Chance

Serenity got up and began floating towards Kenny.

“So, you seem different,” Serenity said blatantly.

“What do you mean by different?” inquired the Riolu.

“I mean that you’re new at this. You know, battling for a trainer. I’m guessing you’ve lived all your life away from humans, and now you have to live with one,” stated the weather Pokemon.

“How did you know?” asked Kenny.

“You looked very uneasy when two humans you didn’t know came out of nowhere, and you hesitate when you receive commands from your trainer. A Pokemon who has been with his trainer for a while would obey without a second thought,” explained Serenity.

“Well, I-I guess I am different. What does that matter?” asked Kenny.

“Your trainer is just using you. That’s what all trainers do. My trainer just used me so he could win his gym battles. If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t even be a gym leader. I changed the weather to his advantage during his testing. I’ve helped him win countless battles. And what do I get in return? Nothing, that’s what. He’s never even used me in battle. He doesn’t even tell other people about me. So, you’re just like me. An oppressed Pokemon who needs to break free, just like I did,” ranted the Castform.

“No, you’re wrong. I’m sorry you’re trainer was like that, but Johnny isn’t like that at all. To prove it, I’m going to beat you right here, right now,” growled Kenny.

The little Riolu jumped towards her. As he did that, five clones appeared around him, distracting the Castform. Kenny took advantage of this and began to rapidly punch his opponent. She tried to fire attacks, but the clones wouldn’t let her concentrate long enough for her to do so. Luckily for her, a bolt of lightning crashed next to them, distracting the clones. She quickly fired attacks at all of them, dissipating them. She turned to Kenny. They were both breathing heavily. The Riolu did a front flip and slammed his tail into the face of the Castform, knocking her to the floor. Kenny quickly leaped on top of her and held her down. She struggled, but the fighting type would not let her go.

“I know it can’t be easy, but you need to release all this hatred,” explained the puppy.

Serenity continued to thrash, but this time she wasn’t moving as much.

“All it’s going to do is destroy you from the inside out, and that’s worse than anything a neglectful trainer could ever do to you,” Kenny said.

The Castform refused to listen as she continued to struggle to get out from Kenny’s grip, though for the moment she was trying less and less.

“Please, just calm down, and I can help you,” pleaded Kenny.

Serenity finally stopped struggling and calmed down. She began to think about it.

“Maybe he can help me. No! He can’t help me, no one can. The only way to make this pain go away is to be on my own. What should I do?” wondered the Castform

She was gravely conflicted. What could she do? Kenny asked her again if she would let him try and help her. Would she deal with the pain on her own or get help, but risk getting hurt again? She thought it over for a minute, and then decided.





If Serenity (the Castform) decides to calm down then she's captured. If she gets angry again, then she it isn't a capture. Staryu is just a standard Pokeball capture.

Here's my character count again. I realize I'm under the minimum amount of characters, but I hope it won't matter too much because it is only about 1.5K under.

Pokemon: Castform and Staryu
Category: 1 Complex and 1 Hard; Castform 30-40K and Staryu 20-30K
# Words: 8,888
# of Characters with no spaces: 40,198
# of Characters with spaces: 48,864
Status: Ready to grade!

Kat is going to grade this, so yea.


Edited version:
# Words: 9,660
# of Characters with no spaces: 43,611
# of Characters with spaces: 53,034

Phantom Kat
12-14-2008, 04:41 PM
Here's your grade. :) You should become a grader to repay me. :p

Story/Plot: It was creative, I’ll give you that. Although it may seem obvious, I would have never thought a Castform could be used to cheat in battles. Props to you on that. You managed to use a unique Pokémon in a unique plot. Now, the story itself, I don’t really know how I feel about it. On one hand, I like how you kept switching from Serenity’s story to Kenny’s story. On the other, there were things that made the story a bit random, for a lack of a better word.

For instance, Serenity’s emotions and thoughts. One minute, she’s wondering why her beloved trainer hadn’t come to congratulate her. Then, the next second, she’s struck by a lighting bolt and decides that Alex is using her and will never care for her? Same thing happened in the battle. Her emotions were just like a light switch, too abrupt. Any pity I felt for her was lost to confusion. Whenever you have a story dealing about a character’s emotions, you have to take your time and explain why they suddenly feel that way. If you want your characters to be as realistic as possible, they must develop like real people.

Introduction: Good here. You provided summaries to your previous stories and you described the characters again. The only thing I felt you lacked was the description of the surroundings. I have a faint idea about what a “lush, green forest” would look like, but you have to elaborate.

Grammar/Spelling: It’s the same thing as before. Good grammar and spelling, but a handful of typos. And like I said before, you need to proofread more carefully. I know you’re anxious to catch your Pokémon (aren’t we all?), but if you’re not careful, typos can be your downfall by distracting a grader from the main story. Just proofread more carefully, take your time.

Now, other than that, I do have one problem that technically isn’t grammar/spelling related, but it doesn’t fit somewhere else. Throughout your story, you had parts that sounded redundant. It’s not necessarily a big problem, but it interrupts the flow of what you were going trying to say. For example:

Johnny was impressed by her badges, but chose to remain silent because he was embarrassed of his lack of badges.

You used “badges” twice, and it sounds redundant. For the second part, you could have used something like: “…he was embarrassed by his lack of triumphs.” or something similar.

He returned Ben and Bella to their Pokeballs, and when he was about to return Inferno and Kenny to their Pokeballs,

Same thing here, with “Pokeballs”. You could have replaced one of them with “spheres”, “capturing devices”, “homes”, etc. It’s tricky to reduce redundancy in your stories, but if you take the time to fix these things, your story will flow much better.

Lastly, all Pokémon names are like “sheep”: their singular forms are the same for their plural forms. So it’s not “Staryus”, it’s “Staryu”.

Length: Like you said, you are about 1.5K short of the minimum requirement. Honestly, though, I don’t see how you couldn’t go back and add 1.5K more. The flashbacks could have used more explanation, Kenny’s dream could have been more drawn out, and so on. Now, when you absolutely think that your story is perfect the way it is, THEN you can post it under the minimum requirement.

Description/Detail: You’ve improved A LOT since your first story, and by now, you must already know that this section is my biggest pet peeve. Right now, your descriptions and details are good, but compare to some other people’s, it’s bland. You’re only using one of the five sense: sight. How the fire looked like when it enveloped Inferno, how Serenity looks whenever she changes forms. It’s all good, but you need to expand. The next thing I need you to do is describe how things FEEL. The pain of being hit by a Flare Blitz. The stinging of being bombarded by hail ball after hail ball. The energy swirling inside a Pokémon before an attack is released. When you describe how things feel, you can use similes, metaphors, and many other things. We don’t just SEE the character getting hurt or preparing an attack, we FEEL what they are going through. Emotional pain can be described very much like physical pain, as well, and it’s crucial if you want us to relate to a suffering character like Kenny or Serenity.

And another thing:

Johnny was impressed by her badges, but chose to remain silent because he was embarrassed of his lack of badges. Their rest of their walk to town was silent.

A small bell rang as the glass door opened.

“Another challenger is just what I need,” thought Alex.

The hell? Where’s the description of the city? The gym? By now, you should not be forgetting to describe such important things. :/

Battle: It was good, all of them were, but just like your descriptions right now, they feel bland. Like I told you, add more than just sight to your battles. The smell of moisture evaporating when Serenity changed the weather. The feel of sunlight changing to the feel of getting bombarded by hundreds of hail spheres. If you want to catch harder level Pokémon, you must add more than just sight.

And I'm assuming Linoone used Shadow Ball. Remember, Ghost attacks don't work on Normal-types. ;)

Outcome: The story as a whole was good, but not awesome. Because of that, I’m going to say, for now: Castform captured, but Staryu not captured! If you want Staryu, you’ll have to add more to Serenity’s emotional development (and I don’t mean just a few sentences, either) and spice up your story with any description OTHER than sight. PM me for a re-grade whenever you’re ready. Other than that, congrats, you have the first Castform, to my knowledge. :p (Sorry, Stunky xD)

- Kat

poke123
12-15-2008, 03:31 AM
Ok, so I fixed a lot of things you told me to fix, so I would like a re-grade please.

Phantom Kat
12-15-2008, 10:18 PM
You did what I said, and though I know you can do better, I'll say: Staryu captured! However, keep in mind these VERY important key points from my grade, because I'll be looking for these things in your next story:


- reduce the redundancy in your sentences
- add more than just sight in your description
- make emotional changes gradual, not abrupt

Either work on these, or you'll story will be doomed to be forever dry. ;) Like I said, I'll grade you on these on your next story and won't just settle for what you had in this story.

- Kat