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Akoro
04-27-2008, 01:24 PM
My first story, so here goes(if you see a 'blah blah blah' that means the person or Pokemon is thinking[and sorry for being unoriginal and taking Lukas as the name... I just couldn't think of a more fitting name])...

Walking slowly to the Breeder Center, Lukas Elric thought hard about his past life. He'd gone through being a rookie Breeder in the town he had last lived in, Littleleaf. But then he had moved out of region to Sinnoh due to his mother saying that he needed a better Breeder Center to work at. Having been a rookie, and doing various other jobs for nearly 4 years, he was about ready to become a real Breeder. He also started thinking about himself... Very slightly timid, but up to the challenge, no big discovered talent so far... And a knack for being a Breeder. Though he had never known what being a Trainer was like. Nor a Gym Trainer, or even Gym Leader. The only other people he had known were Breeders. He was skinny, and quite flexible. Not very strong at all, but he had no problem with that. Finally, he reached the Center. "Hello, my name is Lukas Elric and I'd like to apply for a Breeder job," Lukas said.
The lady sitting there at the desk was a little round, but otherwise mostly normal, Lukas observed.
"Right... Qualifications, if you please?"
Lukas immediately jumped to the point. "I've been a rookie Breeder, and done other miscellaneous jobs for four years. I've got a knack for breeding, and my specialty is hatching, and taking care of, eggs."
The lady nodded and scribbled on her pad. "Come this way please."

'A couple months since I've applied... It's amazing how time flies.' Lukas thought. And sighed. For some reason, there was this quiet nagging doubt... No. He'd ignore it.
Just then one of the employees called for help. Just as well, all the better to get rid of this doubt... 'Ignore it! Just ignore it!' He thought fiercely. "I'll be right there!" He said, running towards the direction he had heard the call. Ah-hah! A new batch of eggs. They would need his help hatching them. "Here, just pick one."
The pretty average male employee said. "It's yours to keep, then pick another to hatch with it. What do you know, a rare Pokemon might come out."
Leaning down to pick two of the spotted eggs, he saw a gleam... But just a gleam. No. It was nothing. "Why do they all always have to look the same..." He grumbled. Finding two he liked the feel of, he put them into his only two Pokeballs and rode off on his bicycle back to his house. Dropping the bicycle near the door, he walked inside. "I got two new eggs to take care of today. But we actually get to keep one! Tomorrow I'll go out to the park and walk around some to get them going... Where should I keep them for now? We've never had two before." He said excitedly. Then sighed. His occaisonal ten-year-old nature was getting to him... Even though he was hardly fourteen. "How about you go out into the woods, you've got about 15 minutes before dinner's ready, and widen up that nest you have in your room so you have room for two eggs?" His mother replied.

After he had gathered all he needed, he walked back to the house... He'd always had a... Yearning for the chance to be able to prove that though he had a knack for breeding, he could still be a trainer. Who knows? He'd always wanted to train those Pokemon he hatched himself... Now was his chance however. At the house now, he walked inside its tall red build. "You're just in time. Dinner's ready."

Having eaten his fill, he went up to his room to get some sleep... Tomorrow or maybe the day after the eggs should get close to hatching, if he works hard enough.

"Lukas! I think it's about time to go to the park with the eggs!" Lukas' mom yelled from downstairs.
"Mmf! Give me a little time to get up..." He replied.
"All kids. Always this way." He thought he heard her grumble.
All ready to go, he walked downstairs and ran out the door, onto his bicycle and off on the path to the park. Today was another long breeding day...

After having walked around the park many times, he decided to take a break and check on the eggs. The one he was supposed to hatch for the other people was barely moving at all. Guess it was one of those slow-developing Pokemon. Then he checked his egg, the newest addition to the Elric family, and saw a crack... Wait, could it be that he had picked the egg with the gleam as his second egg? Through the crack, there was that familiar gleam... And it was moving. Not moving. Throbbing. It was very close to hatching. Strange though, that it would be so close, yet the other one so far. It was always a surprise to see which Pokemon would pop out. And sometimes donors donated Pokemon to breed and unhatched eggs to give to Breeders. Lukas shifted his attention back to the egg. Yes, he could definitely see it now. A very large crack, and quite a gleam. Then, with a loud CCCRRRAAACCCKKK and a Piplup popped out(OOC: I can do this right? Since otherwise if it failed or something I have no Pokemon and thus no more plot). Rushing with excitement, he completely took all his attention off the other egg and completely onto the new Piplup. "What should I name you... What should I name you... Ah! I've got it. Ronkora!"
And then, realizing that the Piplup was a male, he corrected himself. "Sorry. Ronkor."
Shifting his attention, he realized the doubt in his mind was getting bigger... It was time for him to become a trainer. But for some reason he wanted to look at the egg shell. Yes! It was gold... How strange. Then he looked at the other egg, but had not seen the crack along it as well. As it cracked and cracked, much slower than Ronkor's egg did, a Hippopotas started coming out. "Well, guess it's time to go report back to the Center. And get some new Pokeballs. And start our new life as Trainer... And Piplup."

OOC: If I think of any more, I'll post it. But for now I'm out of ideas.

Edit: OOC: I changed the Pokemon from Riolu to Piplup, for... Reasons. XP


Sand squirming. Water churning. These are the true sounds of a battle just about to begin. A battle between two Pokemon... Who were hatched by the same person. A roar, a chirp, and they're off to a start. Sand streams across the sky, about to land on the target... Churning water flies out of the target, and blocks the sand. Yes, this is the match of Piplup and Hippopotas, as fought by Lukas Elric, and on the other side, his rival, Riker. Sand flows, but Piplup knows not where it is, yet he can hear it. The only flowing sand he can see is at Hippopotas' feet. And the first hit is scored! Ronkor, the Piplup, is sent flying as the sand hits him from underground... And becomes a waterway, bursting right under Hippopotas. The two are off to an even start. Lukas had also found out that this was his life... He was comfortable with it. And just as he was thinking about that, Ronkor started doing his combo that they had worked so hard on. Hit, hit hit... Peck peck, hit hit, blast! "Now Water Pulse, Ronkor!" Lukas yelled, obviously enthusiastic about the battle.
"Hurry, use Dig!" Riker yelled to his Pokemon, content on winning the battle.
The Water Pulse collides with the Dig... It causes smoke to rise, and when the smoke clears... Hippopotas is no where to be seen, and Ronkor is obviously KOed. There is, however, a hole that has a ground trail above it which suddenly stops amazingly close to Ronkor. While Lukas looks at Ronkor, Riker looks down the hole, he sees Hippopotas, KOed and not at all dry, underground, mid-Dig.

OOC: Liked the mini-battle thing I thought up? I just thought I'd add it.

"We've been out here a whole hour. Blast it! We're never going to see a new Pokemon at this rate!" Lukas complained to his companion, Kemad.
"Well, no, not if you start complaining this loud. It'll scare away all of them."
Kemad replied with a slight chuckle in his tone. "What was that?"
"Likely nothing. C'mon. Let's go look some more... I guess..." Lukas replied, but only half-heartedly.
Kemad was certainly no irregular sight. Actually a lot like most trainers. But he had two things no other trainers have... He always has a happiness clearly detectable when he speaks, and also, his amazing battle instincts. With Lukas' good training, egg-hatching and overall Pokemon care, and Kemad's battle instincts, they make a great team.
"See?! See?! This is why we don't catch anything!" Kemad did chuckle at this one however.
"Well, ma-" Lukas was suddenly cut off. What was it... It seemed to be following them as they went down the beach, looking for Water types... And why are certain waves loud while the others are quiet...? Turning around quickly, Lukas caught a glimpse of a irregular shape under the water. "Let me catch this one Kemad... Time I get my second Pokemon. Let's go... Ronkor!"
The now-Prinplup then-Piplup bursts out with a flash of red light and a quick chirrup.
"I'm not letting that Pokemon get away, whatever it is! Ronkor, go out there and find it, once you do, taunt 'im over here, drag 'im if you have to!"
Ronkor promptly nods and gets on the front of his flippers,then suddenly uses water to send him flying forwards at a high speed, soaring over the water, and then slowly, but much quicker than a Flying type, he loses altitude and drops right above the strange shape, then almost like a Swellow drops on a Wurmple, Ronkor drops on the shape, and then using the same method as before, but slower this time and backwards, Ronkor sends himself flying towards the sand, revealing the identity of the strange shape.
"A Mantyke!" Kemad gasped. It was a very strange shape, like a rectangle shooting out sideways for its "wings" and then part of a rectangle as its tail and head. It was also very small, and thus probably not that strong. "Well then, Piplup, use Fury Attack!" Lukas yells.
Gathering up the power in his beak, and using again the same method for sending him flying, Ronkor sends his beak down and up and down and up in a deadly motion, while the Mantyke squirms around under him. Finally breaking free, it decides to actually fight. Building up water in all parts of its body, slowly... Slowly... There it goes! A Water Pulse attack! Ronkor squirms around, obviously slightly confused about where to attack.
"Just remember, my voice is the opposite of the direction you want to go!" Lukas yells, hoping to guide him.
"Now use a Peck attack! Then try a Bubblebeam!"
Ronkor nods, then flies forward in an attempt to land a Peck on the Mantyke, which fails.
'It's quick!' Lukas thinks to himself, almost out loud.
Then making spheres inside of him with water, then adding air so that they're more of bubbles, then shooting them into the air with a spinning motion, but this time at the last moment, moving sideways very quickly to both sides so that there are three weaker beams instead of one strong one. Weary from the fight, Ronkor staggers, barely able to hold himself up.
"You've done well Ronkor, come back!" Lukas yells, sending out a Pokeball, which stops in midair, opens, sends out a beam that envelops Ronkor, closes, then rockets back to Lukas. "Alright. Time for a new Pokemon!" He then throws a Pokeball at the Mantyke, hoping it'll succeed. But it just wiggles... Wiggle... Wiggle...

EmBreon
05-08-2008, 01:06 AM
You're bordering 10k in this story, a Bagon needs three to four times this much. I would read over this (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8445) thread for tips and advice, and a guide that tells you length and quality required for each individual Pokemon.

You should also try and make this story a bit more readable. :oops: Starting a new paragraph each time a new person speaks would immensely improve your format.

Akoro
05-15-2008, 06:51 PM
You're bordering 10k in this story, a Bagon needs three to four times this much. I would read over this (http://www.pokemonelite2000.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8445) thread for tips and advice, and a guide that tells you length and quality required for each individual Pokemon.

You should also try and make this story a bit more readable. :oops: Starting a new paragraph each time a new person speaks would immensely improve your format.

Heh, thought I'd already done that. Oh well. Well, I changed it from a "grass" scene to a better and longer "water" scene, because reading the guide I decided I wanted a Mantyke... I'm not sure if the story is finished or not, so can you please come back and grade it again and tell me if I caught Mantyke, then I might make more and might not? I also made more paragraphs.